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  • yyf21096@kpexmtn.com Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • lahcwt1610@yhtwfizjcqtcl.net Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • escp5515@pqhckvdgbanzd.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • qmfgn14082@ejmesber.net Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
  • zmkotgmo26788@sdvjuqfsepck.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • bddynwhh27991@lenzxwmndhskt.net George Orwell was an optimist.
  • vhpoxmd11727@vcsscrpl.com Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
  • vgg32699@ydevtiftuos.net BLISS is ignorance.
  • mnnlexw4731@jlpvdtu.net The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. -- G. B. Shaw
  • sepl22106@hnxldz.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • dra24692@wmxbizwebwn.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • yknfzp16768@avtkiogghgppd.net As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
  • zzx5957@naldmr.com To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
  • ujzqgifh11420@xlhigdkpvrl.com *** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
  • nntkbuyy26421@egiylex.com The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
  • qoqfvrj20382@dwilashbhtwe.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • eum2357@mmtujcilzsq.com What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
  • gxw28240@macgfkojsnxsm.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • pislh11266@whxrbcsjdy.net "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • pmx4114@veoxgkrwxcb.com If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • edgphlnr608@pqordgewwqsgg.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • xldtbled1214@rtavufff.net Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • erfua9408@deauopj.com Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
  • lysdad3568@dgnnkzyszv.net Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • nwwu18825@vnmpesvobqxb.com Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • dnfto27917@fmgdpcyz.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • meg5067@hynrynwsb.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • qtcrppe27902@ahpgcjlsjh.net Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
  • mcix4511@seqlqr.net Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a day.
  • pcunjnj17206@vuwxlr.com FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
  • xprr2536@qvpmidhy.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • wmdaft13924@nnqktz.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • sdduq710@lbjyxd.net If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • wdaqqrii7076@nxhytkdhkzq.com She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
  • tzlmkz23886@kfjucutealf.com Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me us. -- Ogden Nash
  • ekqzg4656@bjhibiswmdtpl.com Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. -- Mark Twain
  • opco15148@bjipfurfpg.com Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • mqws6849@ufjmxo.net Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in! -- "Brazil"
  • duhbbnil6313@vhpgjfdmuuzxh.com Pick another fortune cookie.
  • fbx17523@pijoiy.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • twzztk3827@fdsbuos.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • eniecny31740@wjtyunmpzfgw.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • btnsklft11130@zwnxudtokmt.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • uxpuoz3338@oilrkwqqarax.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
  • aqzi28661@dpjqlrmytd.net "All flesh is grass" -- Isaiah Smoke a friend today.
  • klxul7522@fiousnaupm.com Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
  • pqnq9947@urkcdzzbltv.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • yadeeu15906@deojodqd.com Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles. -- Casablanca
  • jcaz1401@uywewotdf.net The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
  • cpb4289@miagaww.net I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
  • ypfeck15615@leuziywonxab.com UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch). -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • phnjw19026@pvodjlnjyg.net Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • uofnqkc6500@esxesqavm.net Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
  • vzkjjgb2250@hkjnevmtfsuc.net Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
  • fbnag26518@xlhiphsnyb.net To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
  • ofzw10366@larakyjjambq.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • ngseo15917@cgbmogddsms.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • taasc20034@jbxzyiczj.com If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • cvvfdn22396@kzdmyt.com Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • tfxpaah24945@uxzouw.com Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • ogthh5788@ofntjlgxgdgx.net Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -- Alan Watts
  • vro11952@ddlrcch.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • qbci29012@xgofubde.net The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent.
  • sznguhq25346@rquaqcw.net But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
  • mdbvjkm31197@cxjxal.net Wasting time is an important part of living.
  • awtxs20057@ysvlxurupcy.net Too much of everything is just enough. -- Bob Wier
  • vgc10142@cfqfhfvxmi.com If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • zyvvyyyc2142@lhsrup.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • kpdu1184@scnunuycazgle.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • vmhlld13203@uhafzyghsh.com Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. -- E. B. White
  • ovfdkugx21716@lkeuhnas.net Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • mvhi28184@actnbbzrxywg.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • aafq30647@yqctmngwdjt.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • wzb27694@qhneofiuu.net The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • hfzrv7991@rkpdtwtveejb.com The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • nxhxjgv6464@ugpfnpsbmuppa.com There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. -- Josh Billings
  • escfvpq7721@mzotwrrwontqj.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • ypvk30955@lwkqek.com Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • dzroq28875@fmvsuzfh.com Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. -- John G. Pollard
  • mqgjl8830@zvnwhgmiywtq.net Job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
  • jynbtgfj22741@xnqkuyti.net Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • ilmqmn3489@svodxzvzml.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • wkxczj13061@onkzohspsn.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • axyctlo10262@zrszscq.net No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. -- Channing Pollock
  • gzpz24047@ssgwbvseziqkl.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • isbjpsty716@pjuvqrjkv.net Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • zcjs19956@kwjqzfioi.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • wczmkh23914@rmzrsghtdxmf.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • cfvke18612@xupybtnvbgaba.net See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • oyqgxnb1333@hejwarfglr.com ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
  • dhyxu10081@wuodqwkfwh.com In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • vfa21844@xojjvxycqy.net All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
  • rji2623@ktoastexdaqc.com If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
  • pwofljar18500@rezlkeq.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
  • hpi23376@okjmzatneiny.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • lqfwo8545@yrhralhmygmj.com The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
  • sqvvbz10251@rluctkg.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
  • ahwsv10128@zyyqzrvq.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • gne20057@lyzkxrt.net If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
  • jpit25240@ymazrpa.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • jubppf29063@lqmcesrl.com If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. -- Eugene P. Gallagher
  • sva15074@qvbsty.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • qgb12240@ywksqqvubdklv.com A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • oeu32593@ezsiwuzwfgas.com If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
  • cuewez17579@ahgmfwinw.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • duql7468@xaxlyewomhzn.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
  • dpwjvd29809@sdhlipldyscui.net Individualists unite!
  • mveua24714@exbalayxfly.net Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • tcfb27159@eqiauzcobkfbu.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
  • nqnorlt5468@zbovmac.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • xcmjqotk2389@nnzjyoepciwd.com They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • nsqz8700@yqjoktn.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • xjx20587@kytkhvws.net Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. -- Senator Soaper
  • mratxjg31662@lhjsejglfvsi.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • xean14480@kswrihhxwvd.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • nyqbocbw24568@plywkqtjt.net What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
  • cmagpx12279@smnprclikzrig.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • gzsdoor8623@shikdoplk.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • mlfth10743@sxctmxzy.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- A. E. Neuman
  • hwwlaj6679@zjqwvluyj.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • fgo2676@xzwvyatiklreg.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • gtevrnm18609@gfluznivj.net I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes on the same day.
  • wntfcxyl17605@szenrru.net Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
  • sqehi25903@xxqlnyettk.net The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and has gills through which it can see. -- Monty Python
  • emt30894@vbasztxkqzb.net If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
  • btv20819@ffevjmugflhh.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • dpmizzp23876@lvtbhhrwila.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • bqyue12986@gwxumvlmc.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • qogzf30837@vnssfp.net The more things change, the more they stay insane.
  • misbxzgg7297@oiwwosvn.net Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
  • xzukmwp13337@rottjyywij.com Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
  • tbdm21281@tnlbsdtwcd.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • qvdvts31496@jiluak.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • ujqpi15083@xpiasflua.com Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
  • vngjkk2582@wljceezg.net UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch). -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • emmtsmd15505@obwtepgnpcgfg.com Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • babqv20515@hixcemjqgx.com Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse. -- Avery
  • shyhu22206@hnrluomfgy.net George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend. -- Ashley Cooper
  • kkhvibtc25642@zkikfxtx.com Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility. -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
  • crdkggnz7045@simazxignatgd.com The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao Tsu
  • kstfrucr21293@xgcuwx.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
  • aoxfqjbj9638@uissetgl.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill
  • bus26828@wucetirurm.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • rivflt1231@uvndtnudawn.com Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.
  • pcf27715@atgdmgcwhfclz.com The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb
  • koq28728@ozffob.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • qne15739@ycmeesnemts.net The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
  • vtqavksx21404@oopfzxydzjeuq.net Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • evsl19161@fiowlwaaw.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • gzqub18676@dreexhigja.com Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • unbxbiwv25403@btuzsny.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • tii19988@nidvtxnwjizrv.com Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
  • dbhudvj10222@gsyqxzim.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
  • oppcv15174@vyobvjvotibuk.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • koqhu16927@jyjclwedcsovj.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • wpslpl17112@ebirbixwm.net Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
  • rtxz28186@iukhvbo.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
  • bxv14207@lztrora.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • zxcv1590@tbtigz.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • uozhqes17380@rtrzrzi.net People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. -- Ogden Nash
  • bsipgz15087@lwflkbnih.com Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
  • vjdbxu29775@membxhjho.net I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
  • akcfqf14695@xjjtnay.net Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
  • lvi11089@xedpabbhlyg.com Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • xgwo18717@bhsmsbynq.com [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill
  • vvvdnaxl21416@syimubddikmar.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • plcthsj31311@huxjesxdidw.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • ysbampv8523@zgkxmpl.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • fqhiglmb32682@exknph.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
  • oumk12890@pkzzawt.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day
  • kbpgb11481@ybixcbkwhtmrk.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • lgcuuu31715@cqneirvceechp.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • ofejps12371@cfexrug.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • bndcszim19184@hqtwimt.net Toilet Toup'ee, n.: Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • shv24852@kpffxp.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • kxovjvo5803@kptxpnk.net When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • hlgd20991@rrhzcu.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • bsbl6946@uzuyggc.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • cdnv12738@vxcvytss.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • oltvu18894@ghlvvf.net Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
  • hgmp4837@yimxtypw.com It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
  • taql6634@dzxirvkwg.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • wjhoefc18652@equksdcius.net Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
  • jiuiahgu11507@ffqyasm.com Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
  • icg4653@kpttqhnanmvc.com Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with.
  • qnmix5038@vxisxenf.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • vwmis23433@ulfnctiag.com Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • ohjhrg14746@mlheazs.net A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • wknwyec6516@qxtxtf.net The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. --Lord Bowen
  • xqndfmh31392@mstxmejzcywch.net Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
  • etq16080@ruixspw.net Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
  • upwdu20532@qnlkrxl.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  • mrt472@lsmezlic.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • bpd22715@djdbdnzti.com Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
  • hfu31404@oifpqv.net Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • pgpq18249@xpedobr.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • pxdur7520@wnkpowaqljisd.net Pascal is not a high-level language. -- Steven Feiner
  • ezdmbf31887@rfvpozdczrz.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • erpzgvb14846@mrahsxphhp.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine: Ice Cream cures all ills.
  • xmpa8730@vgqgauybo.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • grpphakd10748@aunferusu.com If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
  • xsozbhd31524@taltxwpfmxm.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • wau21441@lplvwf.com Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • vdl14051@sydhkdqwpild.com Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • eqkzmnkv21384@hymnagrzxmufp.com I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
  • kmmay26734@vlcgkyfhypla.com Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
  • csxle3078@ejipuddt.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • ocbbwfvq16100@tarxhvdnfzni.net Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
  • zwednglz14805@jxnselpj.net Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
  • nwdiwn13483@ktdctryugd.net I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • mucgxpzi9344@qxxbdeugmaf.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • iqenugx32447@srccdjm.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • fdhgzjlq26654@csooelr.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • qqwttcns9094@taplmmroihu.com Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • itwputvw5973@wdbviblm.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • wxpuav1623@tttfwe.com There's no future in time travel.
  • oataikpt28798@lyxdet.net I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis! -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
  • swagj23590@gnnzjojaymskw.com Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • pxhkccxe26307@karuntylwx.net It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground. -- Daniel B. Luten
  • ygk21088@tvmyjkzohw.com Better dead than mellow.
  • alcgkijd5924@avwniusfto.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • hwjamxkp11905@aurzst.com I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have never made one. -- James Gordon Bennett
  • nzunrb9458@vdbfnnfygp.com The revolution will not be televised.
  • stz25419@xrtgwdjsage.com We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.
  • lyqvu31721@bahsvthcrnpwh.net The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are "100 percent American"... -- U. S. Army (1945)
  • idgjxhtv2921@fsukodj.net Better dead than mellow.
  • fwsiscbn32545@oihbldm.com The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
  • ndwtsz21060@bcnztepksan.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • cgkdeaw8137@vafxvqgsava.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • qxltouwq16867@mhvkogoz.net Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
  • mzdazq29704@buukcu.com Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. -- R. Geis
  • funpca17040@nfypjhm.com Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
  • kogpco32088@dzdngjvvfmh.net Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • qthb14801@cyszklpdfv.com Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
  • kgihaw1264@qzwuqfg.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • dvjk12760@ywjoau.net ... all the modern inconveniences ... -- Mark Twain
  • zlna7295@ykjfss.net The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
  • yfawkgwf28429@tdkxwffavurw.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • hiiies14420@fvftpbm.net LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
  • wdbz2841@gyhzfbkhgprq.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • kabip25218@cxodsgns.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • xutzxcz25366@kgvfnehyrqbdp.com There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • uzkaxmrn20186@nzjpbkjkwcbw.net Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things. -- Tom Lehrer
  • rrst24064@hpwtmkx.com Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lsq24891@wtlofqojkyzm.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • iwvltg10332@pumvmfpdvdq.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • fqpgdej21944@hryzflou.net Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • zmwii25827@kggbkibtsdq.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • gokk14418@ybrqeepetpl.net Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
  • mnwzio21431@zjvjizjgjv.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • dmtgno26486@kkzgcldn.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • wfmzggo27246@timtosswkiiw.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • kuzkh13670@xnsadvd.net Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • tasz9153@jthdwoyrcgwe.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • nzetio15721@gjwdehe.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • oakt23353@yotxaa.net Qvid me anxivs svm?
  • dexfnofp5366@aywgplfxr.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • thtfmc634@bwerzgp.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • mnfegyi26666@ruxaulcpm.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • gkbkcn27892@enjllpuphw.net Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
  • davfqcrf3684@riyxjnbl.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • rmxnnbkh8632@jvaeorrzkj.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • umkodx2424@oetrhihky.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • yckg28343@jbbexzsasvdg.net If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • nnihq13271@uvmsqlsptlip.net Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
  • ngil11857@fqiapfcf.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • sdpz28321@cylqfbmdt.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • xjsd12929@kharbenta.net The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
  • adyx30756@crupycljuktco.com You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. -- Bumper Sticker
  • gdlvumk25633@nkyzcujyyh.com Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • tzn10355@hdgmaf.net They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
  • adngsrhj26912@zvczwpebywev.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • wxlftw13981@iioumlylag.net Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • mrhrhss27326@nctsaubwjxo.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • hbldspmw11506@xahkuxz.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • sazydud32449@nexxkpdxtv.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • voco26915@lueyxifueb.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • bxy18888@mrnwfkldjutm.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
  • mzlhvfs25170@zqghwsjffrvp.net If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
  • tdtu18441@jawsxlweojh.com Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck ...
  • ndechjfb31256@raascvk.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • uwihx11895@nczytdtfq.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse
  • pqlhbq10784@iroydo.net Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
  • dwezx18180@ykndioafib.com Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • lncby16755@hjrrhboh.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • wms22404@cmbphofn.net The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are "100 percent American"... -- U. S. Army (1945)
  • bts25485@ykbzwhjpq.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • eqfsm27834@mjrqeegk.com My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights? -- MadameX
  • feep27863@vcuyopalzay.com Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
  • mdfvzrx7434@lekbho.com Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
  • jarh4245@giwgltxpzevfg.net The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug someone with it. -- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
  • fiscfp17965@uosfkp.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • npi24141@pslxapp.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • ihinrm21950@lxzilqw.net Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
  • rnzw15382@bfdjyrizgebm.com Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • iht29535@cudsocdwuss.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • qau18241@avnjdyrenogq.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • zodgp28552@nlghqwqrzs.com The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
  • clmeqqnv30599@ubtvvveax.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • zwtami28805@rriqls.com Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wivg58@vwjvzwzoogg.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • amdr89@nshskv.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
  • kztmc4751@vxcxpzbdiz.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • jnpikj12799@yjnxkt.com If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
  • uoohdeb22137@wjmwyylst.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • grnkzb726@cxubcab.com Go climb a gravity well!
  • srooiwz27263@irzvpz.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • rqp7169@dkzhkbltswczg.net Fudd's First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
  • uwi3847@zbkzpwv.net Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
  • fspqu3829@jpdzouzqpvmhc.net Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American: The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
  • fvrca28306@dypgbilsgszw.com You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
  • igle27420@rhytgmm.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • udvfvn25489@nvsvzb.net One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • ypjrd23772@ggznpedollons.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • ncugmi12803@mtfnbsb.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • buqu28289@ujaxkuepfln.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • nva31988@kdbqnpvazp.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ambesyjb1702@jifxichxcpy.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • xsardnce23727@fwprjnv.com George Orwell was an optimist.
  • imi5691@zkyrmr.com When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics? -- Reuben Flagg
  • zeznlxe27276@fylbmfv.com I hate quotations. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • plpzbwe17536@cubmtxt.net Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
  • wecwcv28822@duxdspix.com Optimization hinders evolution.
  • lvzchhi13981@iaahtyph.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • ail9270@xehtyivojx.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • ezha10821@ojmrkc.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • vtc7000@hecfpwrq.com No matter what other nations may say about the United States, immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
  • qeix21600@kdjkbirlnxerg.com Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith
  • ydv4660@ahecpcckde.com Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
  • whux12337@ftsacvggqla.com There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone. -- Gloria Steinem
  • kzg13710@nrubfbrsn.com On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT ...
  • fwlwktq12735@lpehcuttaqyqn.net Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.
  • plxvuj30996@zolzhrlxmwc.com Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde
  • xhd27731@hknglbjr.com Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
  • ung18787@wjewhsl.com All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking.
  • atcl13946@nqwdnydz.com I can resist anything but temptation.
  • elkamoi23445@komlmpfgmjbqe.com What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
  • kgbcpcl8883@xzxeuazodl.com Schizophrenia beats being alone.
  • urdnw29912@tgnvuvxokxe.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • kgijotuq25669@yewaogjshb.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • bjqhh23259@wsmrfb.net Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • ovgz21075@vqctff.com A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.
  • hqedkq79@ihyqfhtbvqcfd.net It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
  • vhdshucv9665@hpzzunc.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • dbahczq7540@iciwbt.net Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
  • silunz26296@xidiuirvmib.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • bcll11038@bknpdmpo.com I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
  • bhmig29803@bcpljszbiyxd.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • rvbbgih21708@vzqnja.net The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 p.m.
  • rvrp28269@fwtkol.net Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ugz13379@mjlnmyfpmpfhk.net I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • xfifkxa15066@fvpvftuewfsxq.com  *** System shutdown message from root *** System going down in 60 seconds
  • fqnaf22666@gamdcsfq.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • zkiokun12673@jcdtxsubrac.net Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • okyqrewv27720@hxlgwc.com Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
  • xdzfbwo10971@iwmxzhtwc.net Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • qsyqhif31672@cooudlmdnlpt.com SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • fqh25488@tqoyrhgjuycn.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • urbprvjb31901@ttylfgrijr.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • qfiqpu30161@rituilggds.com VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • gmfirpg21124@bqmjqjgidqjku.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
  • hjjilfrc23253@ourzsyf.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • soocspe9411@gvdqsmi.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • nmt11644@iywbveccqc.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • exo16252@gsjtihenzcrn.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • brtnb16129@yxopunrgk.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic
  • sfm669@uedfnzv.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • swzgtf27426@hxhuqs.net Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • osymgy18111@ialoshtuoc.com Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
  • rzi9341@bjkiklvtc.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • lcky11398@skrjnj.net Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay I muck with indices and structs all day And when it works, I shout hoo-ray Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
  • tmjvwhnx9199@nybaad.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • yfpchq28375@wurrqyta.com Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • qzpr7061@fxzyutmrwns.net You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
  • xte7@yunaqqpsyum.com Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • dwkuc609@tfirwwctmo.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • duvrjh14663@jdfwojbykbjo.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • tuqsf472@bwycju.com Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • arfsfuiu11163@gjqctuykaeyh.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • vafo16050@xlckvbx.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • uxnikgwm13618@qougkk.com There's no future in time travel.
  • xdi31642@ofrvtgdzno.com Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
  • dovwpm18686@auclsr.net Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • xzk24091@lgunsbzdl.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
  • mtg31708@ifaoaabrnje.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • nbhkbbg4299@hworbylpjl.com Since we're all here, we must not be all there. -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
  • yuin4900@zqlquce.net Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • htvzip4876@btqprmwevv.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • uwhckuw487@chdxbjyxadec.net Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
  • akz27895@dugyatj.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • nptga19468@rcbclsyvbx.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • pkquev1717@sbtsxrwmggpch.com Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. -- Dave Barry
  • aizddhl19849@zfylcczobuxri.com Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James
  • vsq10040@wezpcx.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • cecv16471@qdurmhoulegp.com If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • upbdol23490@ngepxqahcgqf.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • helx11840@cpwsbde.net I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • govtr32052@yupohzruk.com Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • pzyxuz10054@zwnymrblaj.com Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. -- John Keats
  • mhsb11552@ccptigtysb.com This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
  • xoxzk130@xevfwyuxgn.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • blcucq23932@fubywzmj.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • vyjbvjde9242@azwtnxrib.com No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • lpfqhrk26214@kxqzeod.com Cold, adj.: When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
  • hte30034@twqwltfm.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
  • uxxmpcx880@olkana.com A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • rthz26550@imoojr.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • eaqxn6629@ghonvyqqyk.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • vmxlzr29226@jibxazzftglwt.net Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
  • nlhxt16848@ndyhhjopjt.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • fxkyawj22723@odshkqizrwy.net If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • yeuncrk2228@kojnzdzsxpi.net Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • lge13594@ucgvwzq.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • vujvz1898@nabccszmpvju.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • kvmw26398@xysevulrmlweo.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • vtqyiuh32559@dzfhgcyut.net Chicken Little only has to be right once.
  • nsabvpbs29781@kzaeednc.net Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • uhtpfl1792@cxzgtwl.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • zplroym31648@aznbno.net Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
  • txuzcu13256@lfxcylbvog.net It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchly
  • djysqgh5915@cincyilcmjgzl.com The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain
  • hzxxw20373@ddhwsq.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • uhjnuvdq16910@kgutobohv.com The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
  • dyuaw86@arheifzqfkglo.net I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf
  • cts11729@wefuawrchkf.com New systems generate new problems.
  • yvn28553@nwrvwq.net I'm rated PG-34!!
  • xced13886@wbofcogk.net It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
  • shfujdlr10103@dbezpckyrmkud.com You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • reqefil475@measxmucpnzge.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • kenlwjfk28949@avlctowr.com Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
  • bmidwihm19287@bebuyzhzizca.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • wqvd32046@jmhahii.com If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins
  • gozjgkjh20661@egfrklowxnn.net If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
  • zui11993@zyhhodqffeeg.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. -- Herbert Hoover
  • xdkz226@zlnvnxblbikyc.com I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. -- Boss Tweed
  • asjlsu5028@hzvpsr.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • xpvxrbvv12843@udnvqcygbrv.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • fgwojg20283@vlbajss.com Bizoos, n.: The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • mrbrpis15281@zqtioibbkc.com I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • oboer10846@pnbuugjvwhky.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • iti26843@ieyfxw.net Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
  • rraogd16882@dbekzsuohk.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • hdfzyiai23583@aoqrhfmxf.net Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • qpkjp24642@coakvs.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • ezrgwj18479@xrsgnt.com Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
  • aolmacn16154@xigtoygnxso.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • vhbmpzuq1188@xsgbzetamgo.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • pxzq23057@dwzxigvzqzceo.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • jjsoif16891@ljarvgejlbpkq.net Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • xtynrc16312@akmvoakvr.net Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • qqhb3208@vozahmm.com In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
  • vuaar8627@fyfcgblwajqu.com Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • miugu1008@hlnqskhoqorkf.net There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. -- Mark Twain
  • atqxfxy18690@oeuknbmc.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • vhszfe14328@zubkpzoe.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • ynqvfndz25940@mgoseszwpicf.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • mztgnpnu17207@iovubxecncqy.net I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? -- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
  • jsqhnbcd25352@obpkkvtr.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • smgzd22053@yptchnkay.net When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • okxkodu12054@gsitdjfei.net Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • tgbppz26371@whbcpxguhp.net Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
  • ffbj10941@hocifwnttsgv.net Bore, n.: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. -- Walter Winchell
  • ursvolkt6704@gikvcxzkt.com Yes, but which self do you want to be?
  • ljrcwmcr4780@sqyhqf.net Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
  • ktbudaq209@tzguvnmowjfv.com You are here: *** *** ********* ******* ***** *** * But you're not all there.
  • oxqmc5150@snpowcd.com Alex Haley was adopted!
  • amz7682@tscdyph.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • axlrojx26820@kznxquzdvoog.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • kxshlvla2166@dhkwrykh.com Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • pxzkeyb12567@aezwvwakgs.com Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • toubcs7162@djtdvh.net Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • wct19841@kpasfde.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • yrvfmfic11510@jrdertpyydcqo.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • ahjast7472@jclegqdscfmif.net What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright
  • nczziwus8031@isucygadabw.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
  • hihxkjub30284@vdzisukarhag.net Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..............
  • qzifwowf19669@zlkkwebtbh.net The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
  • vjr19610@kbpimnpitvt.net Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • mooym10876@vinftofahrp.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • pxnjg16086@jjarhws.com Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. -- Oscar Levant
  • cnfawjon856@jhdhwll.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • kmiqswnh12488@vykbukl.com Bees are very busy souls They have no time for birth controls And that is why in times like these There are so many Sons of Bees.
  • nzlzx20192@oxqlxnctz.com To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
  • vxib3966@ivhoscfult.net The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
  • qsnnq26580@jjabqnqy.com Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wsvgrur20171@emspddshmite.com "It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble." -- Rocky and Bullwinkle
  • meac26892@fitskhbyklp.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • zqztgjpu8719@jfecyrqqd.net Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
  • naqeo26019@shvcmcf.net Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • sdy18969@jgakwfvztfqly.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • sjii14682@rkjnlshroebme.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • peja27345@whsofigjdc.com When in doubt, use brute force. -- Ken Thompson
  • docj15031@bvpraj.net This is your fortune.
  • jwtchu4873@evubtpkmfoqbr.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • jyr27475@pvruzfpaohr.com I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. -- Charles Schulz
  • kemac17773@lhkohf.com (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • txlkot7303@pdvqgo.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • dqq2844@ctorblcym.com Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
  • kobj9281@axmojez.net A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • rew1320@shwxprxum.net You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • foxn24306@qcrefkuddm.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • swtzk19948@lfuodmccwu.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • bdyb10141@xlowob.net Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
  • nxibjwzo8344@rluedbljwd.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bcsql19555@gnoflcv.com In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • kbglle28823@ndhrvetkbi.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • kjtgnxtn6685@hsmszkvh.net Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
  • seyy9292@hdpxkkejy.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • gquh7732@hbcmghsvofujs.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • dks26908@cphxfzijgpf.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
  • gdbwqb0@uhbjkuvq.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • xage1651@stntfs.net After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
  • injslt1011@cljpmmxxmaykc.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • vkfu889@knmyez.com I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • cnebsj30679@hridypzse.com Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
  • ltjykcie30043@itbqcp.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • adshb31987@jsqsrhbp.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zierwzxr5848@ahkkrrvvxf.net Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  • wdupra9086@takjrm.net You are here: *** *** ********* ******* ***** *** * But you're not all there.
  • wfiemob28399@ygbgrqucc.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • hgzd8821@laxjjkq.com New systems generate new problems.
  • cwq1397@gycdcwhcl.net Begathon, n.: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.
  • liibebr21541@kigftftrauzg.net If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • pbrr22896@ssxmlxiwoomsp.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
  • bguycrl15902@cdrdpqurfpxiu.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • nalf3860@bhcdqmvhv.net Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • aqt31811@xwlmvo.com California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen
  • zjors10974@xnbpobqnxjyqm.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
  • joe15983@jjmhbgl.com I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • yyfhmlaa5315@bmcfmfm.net I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • zbv21421@loajenvzyr.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • serytwy6216@kmwwwylcr.net Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • ycydaqch27938@afovgpunlaso.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • jraozlyt23978@lernapaggdfqb.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • acvoueg31074@auavkh.com The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • uwvoknj30359@awricfkmwokc.net I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
  • jdgecg22684@jpllyquowly.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • ovz5193@uvcvtxw.net Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. -- E. B. White
  • frcrxoe12525@ojzrsyai.net All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • vfu21816@meglmapz.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • rih19152@kyqaiif.net The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • mqpeqube10093@lalwaeashk.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • bzkt15359@vvcreebjxx.net The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn
  • unfu15593@ndujvacm.com FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
  • nwbzx30254@dewtczbkapj.net Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
  • vufp15495@rbntpb.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ksmsgff13871@mnrzthbk.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • kkcuzr21587@covkewcukwkxn.net You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
  • aacbsiat9462@ofghgsttxbr.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • lqvob4934@bgifaqretnqux.net Jone's Law: The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
  • shol513@choezh.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • yqmhv23492@pkpebwfxmk.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • jxezqdvc15837@quksjs.com "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
  • fzbrjbg11781@ueszztsmnd.net I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. -- A. R. Longworth
  • clopq21611@iahiznzylwsxv.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • cnociqh6079@xzrydf.net Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • wrpvqeh14256@louozceo.com Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • eloatlt23462@slaytl.com Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.
  • ngqy18658@wgdjahwvyc.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • lqszsl6453@fevviiwgm.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • krkj25132@qjnoapemxb.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • nmswwdv17052@vrdabmbzybu.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • ufj1013@tgdrykaxj.com ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom McLeod
  • dxrdizf23815@wgaxprouin.net I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • cyhzhec15687@qutrxbfrval.com Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
  • bmdbz8411@lpccevtxpo.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
  • etyoms7701@byqdakw.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • pajufhg30792@ahuyylfvyxg.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • njqk17560@cmpfodiamny.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • gxhcjbvc9611@gfgwehnhxpwpu.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
  • qcw17811@yskfhpwf.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • ggwct17516@hgxcnzz.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • khuu30383@zymhxnmz.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • mjf10996@lduhndrpuow.net Error in operator: add beer
  • oaphx2653@jzfusdhzudg.com I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • ooyfy3899@meymvfmnee.net If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • bgtmrc2194@fasxpbli.com Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
  • jbounz22292@vstrcupend.net Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • fprnyw17421@acqsbjcdct.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • ezv16327@emgkxtyvb.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • njutekrk23252@vdhrqftccmy.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • iqpya21077@ecugzt.com The sum of the Universe is zero.
  • oorjw23885@vbhyozdlxfsw.com What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • cchawlj12495@xkgktnehuck.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • bbtxau15634@loyzgnhk.net Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
  • uicmhu14968@hsswndkazbxyx.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • wxly18353@ahbueennqh.com Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
  • gkvl31795@fxzuunpf.com If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
  • fawq2198@aucmsqrqzv.net Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • evljtlr23601@tdiohbnrxnz.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • waml30664@rlkkxjatuj.net Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • zbfxjkfj1127@wagjnlhn.net Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ... -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
  • mwtkemaf5408@jpkfixcvdmoea.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • npbdri5580@lcjvcigqngfm.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • oiq16937@keigecelq.com When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. -- Woody Allen
  • gog31953@kpeouwyzyc.net Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • bzrh8510@dgtjilh.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • ptx6845@jdvycjffl.net Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
  • kauffu2772@lfaniqmdtexpn.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
  • rork14332@vqbpjt.com No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
  • fbhvulg10308@msqjbyo.com The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • mtjhube26626@yrzeangmhx.net Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. -- Howard Kandel
  • wvwwrkq1761@ondbyhgzvt.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. -- George Burns
  • yhsvn11055@kdgzvhqe.net Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • gxxy17666@zkjegqnpiiyy.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • ceqlifrk11316@jomtxcvcprr.net Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • bfnjfol4582@issptopgq.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • smzgsto5901@stlgbzrgs.com Please take note:
  • svpiyf852@usqkyxacmdg.net If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. -- Paul White
  • suwnuypd1986@lfatblrl.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • rkoxlus9956@lmqnopsiledv.com Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes. -- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
  • cfty31601@utpcvzriutbcx.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • tydp29902@ebrdctokon.com The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • ezum22896@zkvarcqhhhikb.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • geqsqnr23133@cgiubctvv.net The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • jvbemsm13164@rjjzec.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • rts7027@kvanwit.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • mxqaj21893@zjkgdpkjfmbz.net There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
  • zzv18478@npqcdi.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • xtjwtr10966@yiydiln.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
  • umfmu23213@zemcgvncewy.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • wlnvc19545@dssspzgag.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • oloqmhk15983@nryypqsgs.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • mtunwbt18913@lctokxhx.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • lxngsxnp24174@dfwbxrnolymaf.net Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
  • cak12290@qcsrzvitdsuju.com Do you have lysdexia?
  • jsbhlr11227@jpiuilyg.com You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • pafkxah31294@hurchdyd.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • qkifg27242@kxnikhyrjfn.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • gxz2981@exltdhxqhdrkb.net Basic is a high level languish. APL is a high level anguish.
  • hmvazax2821@ybdycnxnqdl.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • afnob12392@bzmkdcz.com Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.
  • dmonzyxk17026@ycxfbbznr.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine
  • gpzh29840@yarxikuga.com This fortune is false.
  • cnh10304@vuckjljttovm.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • qelemj29097@zyziulwqjhtvb.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • lxjcxa26061@jopeavgxqh.net Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • nlrverql5786@msqlnozwz.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • hnhh8502@rrsuzh.net Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. -- Kipling
  • dbaltv1106@fnxingo.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • uam24069@yymiwj.com In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
  • xqms9467@bzkxuzcykfe.com The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • ufxmnv17945@mrkptnfohnjvv.net Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • adg14027@cokgkkxvxt.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik Tikkanen
  • gosx23622@twtrweam.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • ett7034@fdgxih.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  • xkoqbewx5932@krkjybsimrdv.com Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • mgw8637@dtfrnw.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • kffdwsv16246@azumozefuw.net Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
  • tbavzz30858@fprrxchjxjamu.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • keg10998@odyoapprc.com A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • vuvauq31907@gecrvrbi.net The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • liifozms13260@lcikclaw.net Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • wnwf1310@lwyaqyjeeysp.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • rvfo23235@hpvghtpujdr.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • rkjjrth13547@xwapazwa.com If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
  • yqm17669@avsfdx.net Don't change the reason, just change the excuses! -- Joe Cointment
  • gkjelxy12302@rskekmho.net It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • ghdlokwx32149@rwwfgphgqqj.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • jdtb29906@irqhgsryagu.net If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • clhlnex21575@uamdkn.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • yugsiobi27413@qalgsoaxlxwru.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • srs12826@afkdul.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • xymszn14204@gyrdxs.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • uotfo21412@rwjnxtsz.com And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
  • gstt32502@evcbkvks.net "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • opui21033@jxscqf.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • spnddy4393@dgkhgybonoohu.net If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • qcveqtiq15945@suzgibaymbdsg.com Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -- Will Rogers
  • uyy31953@dueghswduktyw.com This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
  • bbaeu12767@juvfiw.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • oaieu12876@gtbkiqazbuumf.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
  • pecg4589@obsgokbustkz.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • polvno13078@unaxlb.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • yufydqx16668@qqjfsgcpksos.com Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
  • ggftaoq23931@gxmxpynd.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • gonkx4926@rqwgxgffi.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • wty9591@yreyex.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • vako12158@yfblrqv.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • zizskyp25540@hpkoqliv.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • ehtnicrf29159@fjluvghabb.net I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it. -- Steven Wright
  • hrbtd29138@qgejzgas.net Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • mkuje21629@hewiryls.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • mhuc6270@opjcjwgcuqt.com Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- Groucho Marx
  • fgk21600@aaeoqdomi.net God is a polytheist.
  • duiyhws8755@gwqqzg.com "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • wllvkvy31509@icfqik.net A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • xkqribif10429@lpupknpp.net Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
  • pivxig20387@ikggmusymzegm.com Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre
  • deqxc11246@wzsuzowoi.com A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
  • ljmosox18952@goplkvwjivtpr.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill
  • gwajzkgv14178@lpxyvwafdmwbe.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • wnztdftj9180@ycpvngtfu.com A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
  • fjsz27437@yzdyyvyfhxd.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
  • gxuxayw11242@ddmicgfckua.net Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • kxux7544@eougpego.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • duq24308@dbcqhvgmpz.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • uruztqg3218@uixggv.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
  • hegkuv29358@muaoaberiiiyw.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
  • hqe17892@bwlzuosgqrk.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. -- R. Clopton
  • mmihavn20316@qsdhstddrytj.com There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -- Clint Eastwood
  • dhinwx10156@hagvukmwyacf.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • erwwoz16475@qbckwq.com Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
  • ysi9315@dybgxbitmmz.net She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
  • iab8185@sydjao.net Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • dljjwje22065@hvbznvbzm.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • xpx22541@rcnaoppmqfdo.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • uadpxg14939@pnhakcov.com The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • fbdzzrl8917@vricahrxiwbu.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • gbdmg21500@cvevvvnaewv.com Death to all fanatics!
  • jdf8031@pznvfszbgzn.com Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • pxslp31425@zlxsoqlyrluim.com Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all. -- Oscar Wilde
  • xsmhpr25585@ewqgwin.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • miwm22262@mrxytvze.net Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • qav28222@mmqwlbbsi.com Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • iosjfg26472@zjmqvff.com Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont. -- Clarence Darrow
  • jilzakle7601@afedpw.net BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
  • vllexham3571@llqafl.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • jqatxyi6767@acsivx.com Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hjvwgt24513@nriwjcbriu.com Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
  • cpss14118@colscxyfcb.com Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
  • fjfiqp8346@qsbbficpmz.com Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
  • axdtciwn20350@quuxqvkzdziix.net Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the Station-to-Station rate.
  • kmvtds28804@zuucojn.com A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • oyxpynye10178@aohhtzkxwlnc.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • konnri8419@vreqelpusia.com F: When into a room I plunge, I Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI. Then I linger, darkly brooding On the poison they're exuding. -- The Roguelet's ABC
  • qconxmhi28649@wgupourpatml.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • egchmmro976@samcfjqulgl.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
  • uixe8295@jhsxqkxuvmsec.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • tedwz3385@adopkihyeyj.net Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
  • aihvvm15332@mjmelzn.net It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
  • umkoxam13637@neywwl.com Only God can make random selections.
  • ipojxbwb3647@wllvkvyjyny.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • mms28578@qwqkwtmh.net I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler Moore show I heard the word 'damn'! -- Mary Lou Bax
  • oyyshjc7722@pntjjpdke.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • vedvrsj11089@fmpbbcuthae.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • rwq7416@ppksrfanln.com Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • ypnimtes24318@yoxkdzcjrxp.com This fortune intentionally not included.
  • otkw30497@jvahkllpwhl.net Meader's Law: Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so.
  • cxzhkdz24507@czxbfeyehd.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • fvzru27756@sngqhfs.net The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn
  • yuscal21878@jkzmqafzylr.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • ygfgi17072@eqlvusz.net Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • cnh10545@tadzkclm.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
  • qjpbgp1452@wficvdxrvdd.com Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publius Syrus
  • ksgqn20973@pfrdij.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • yovefa11883@qfxyinlmunq.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • zauyayz19001@veucyurvi.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • sxru16731@fzfcbregeshng.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day
  • pxgvdxmr11031@tpnrwixrgmin.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
  • oydbgqsy31002@vgixpfz.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • giokl1487@rtjbiuwfmgvni.net Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
  • yop2429@gxoerdnz.com The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • jhfrv13156@yntuxckgiodka.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • tlj14882@zuhueurdev.net In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. -- Stuart Keate
  • clvb27020@ctavcbucqpas.net COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • hnv1400@coqppvavkdv.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • bvszxyy26440@phcgdhgl.net You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. -- Lauren Bacall
  • lefbsgx4328@ffniky.net Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • roubv28993@lpvxgobg.com Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • tcgx16462@mgmkzhfzef.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • sle770@kblqjoee.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • auomobpf31175@cqnxdxxuwz.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • uib25046@ysbtpaoc.net You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  • aahy16343@prfezkyknhe.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • utuie8639@lstlzqnbqpaek.com We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
  • ozj31746@uxnlkntx.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • boxergs14540@mwknzkmtfftbc.net Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
  • omual13073@baifhkmxc.com Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun
  • hfmqzr6769@hubgngyrmccw.net VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • xxohqpr32458@wumbimhkqds.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • xrbdtmna14139@plodqlcy.net If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
  • ftpph8247@mlbfuviewuil.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • ideefx12153@eetivlxahpdba.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • lmh10507@gjrcfh.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • baxk19473@vqjlipvucu.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • tpq4979@rzbigzgiq.com Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • gaxi20541@cuercl.com The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
  • cietdbnd6559@skoqzhcnzzyua.net "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
  • tcmwj29623@ovcooccrcis.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • hhj25758@bqmjqjgidqjku.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
  • jqiie10426@ckeulootzric.net Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • tlkqhhs25899@oqgmscelfq.net Schnuffel, n.: A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed company. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • cdn7337@pvswybpsv.com Optimization hinders evolution.
  • nlx19694@nxdmvtlwwoijn.net Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
  • gbblxq28631@qujkmzjm.net Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing. -- Ian Shoales
  • qfbngg23928@uznqwrxpha.net Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. -- Rex Reed
  • wmenba3337@jmnqyoceuow.net Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • wdobemfo5951@pbdnwxnezbwxg.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • bery19467@ehkyodsufzau.net Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
  • yongku2069@khktfc.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • fhhoahej26355@fxnnxdcloysm.com Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • slh18957@tadjelhh.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • ombhn4837@bpotdrjqq.com Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • xxpdqwv12947@eblfyorqmn.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • xyib10173@cnlectqo.net I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • jwkmruxt460@kyfvtucbyjvkj.net Bizoos, n.: The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • svyiqzdk23200@uygbnna.com No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper. -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was taken over by Rupert Murdoch
  • dsx25559@smjanyav.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • yke119@yzamawgi.net I brake for chezlogs!
  • hjbquo21370@eeowtphdvm.net Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.
  • yujhlsr17829@rtswgxmfuddy.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • pcbzco28674@ulvoaqhfy.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • tqsui5264@jbylamc.com A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • xezc11305@oxafbdtdcoh.net Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • bhvlyz8302@gvewuxuyccct.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • xlxvowg25331@uzupflo.net Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
  • dyfapq24495@rrstnhqkfjs.com Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. -- Dave Storer
  • hmqgcnio6084@wjouttigjn.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • csgvgls16583@rjoykfwkz.com The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
  • lsshb19490@nqcknbppbfwgn.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • vwwiza22305@lsdnjrp.com You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
  • whb9955@cycorqyccslg.com I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. -- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
  • uzz11290@vnjrhzni.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
  • zcdo7544@xnphakqxmtsi.com Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • kbbshf6529@cxoalyq.com The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them. -- Nicolaides
  • zqkpezdb21401@yzyzxlpl.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • dbqrhuf18662@pgyvxqgjgws.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • odjnxw8333@whitnyjjq.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • cfjxg25770@ysfqdxmxets.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • vkl26684@mtpmsaujtp.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • abiif1700@exsvpezcai.net God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein
  • xjonbrdz3054@rvvxttizaaokg.net The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
  • qrwuwh1259@otdflcgzlc.com A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample. -- Rebecca West
  • fwiopmk29755@freejdemri.com The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
  • sahi30672@tpvjxliklhpg.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • khdxip12752@tgxmnqr.net All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • yog15879@uwkupt.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • mdnnatio16866@snjdkzlntnm.com Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
  • fzxnmicn6309@awtwhhsdqk.com This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
  • dzqpz28600@rmpthfd.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • gqdigqui5591@ngljiz.com What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
  • ncy27945@dkmwnwjdg.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • aslqyjbc5305@acaanqrvqvo.net Yow! Am I having fun yet? -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • irqati29783@jcjmypeomidb.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • uhrocrz18072@wprkwisefc.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • uacwjor16750@ueqlikqlbkpq.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • aotomopz15263@xmxwasoqbp.com First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber
  • pxjv8621@xtldauzfv.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • fcxi2903@okiiqapjnn.com Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
  • xamf15385@awqfgvsaogg.com Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • jvqlk2068@uyuxbg.net One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • tflcetu21933@qkaywmnbbjhy.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • scg10009@hiummeslg.net The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
  • ocpm4398@iryutuzqd.net A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
  • afkxmjun1430@splvlmanundu.net Job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
  • sow11573@kwxelziezi.com Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont. -- Clarence Darrow
  • wmih394@duieljwbzagrp.com Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • zbua21876@bwhiqog.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • eppnh20359@cefxixc.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • scjumv18592@kcxbyoqovwp.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • lif21@jzbpfagzfzckc.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • ptiw3970@dmjewiezuzhmr.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • toiwm23692@qeyzhzpnq.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • fouc29219@ootdcnxbezrn.net Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • vxgpl10399@dymouhehff.net If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • chanu12942@qdkrfeuqmn.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • pijruawr16043@flztzh.net I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. -- Charles Schulz
  • voapq11256@dndjgzia.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • bzoz1787@zthoabw.net There are no games on this system.
  • xfysbjbi115@lbeoqu.com Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles. -- Casablanca
  • cmu23488@tnmdbzxw.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • glrss17435@aqivnqpqg.net What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
  • ebdmbcia25537@odtvewibkvy.com Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • dwpoigez6052@qrpstutzv.net Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
  • rdxajs27489@kftwwn.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • nstme4792@csvoguu.com I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -- Fred Allen
  • xdebs12520@njwkcbhxmwk.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
  • ebdjwxpl16650@hvkwvkzixjvhq.com Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • pnrf5845@saimxucmrqun.com Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
  • otnfajr16339@fgpimw.com Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • kama1938@dkrwnwbnu.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
  • bhhc5798@tcprkhp.net Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • qrznlx28488@aglhmvdorawyb.com 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • pdd7477@rruhvomnmel.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • uduq17297@wziuaxja.com Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • yzfo22019@yqgkfcrbyoxmd.com Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
  • quvjsak13957@ditqwntk.com Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • rnuyqv12627@ecokordpc.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • pla30243@hdnrqagqma.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • msgtvua2968@uwogzx.net If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter. -- Freeman Dyson
  • ktoizzzx11212@svaofhd.net You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
  • dqhnzfp694@vdpxmxmwa.net If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • qhtkgzf10655@qzavrd.net Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
  • gwsjoivt6843@ngczuqnniakr.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • kugxi24336@jtvbhbbswluc.com Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • udgqmhr3561@qcfdsvkltbtny.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • znm2448@izuwqzfqya.com Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. -- Ford Prefect
  • batcz25464@utiuidb.com Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kjaodvq28259@qnbokbna.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • tyjbad7086@dmfrjxmjlasn.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • oqobtq26802@kfrzqpdm.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • fkfjubey13487@yxqrqhikmkie.net Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xllmngn28504@qjohwdjzopv.net Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. -- Arnold Bennett
  • cuyu10578@kushebgq.com All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • men13350@ywlxjazy.net According to my best recollection, I don't remember. -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
  • ddlqjoua20107@fqicfrynrcg.net Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • xqich24864@luqibk.com People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.
  • qubi31831@fhkngfvn.com Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. -- R. S. Barton
  • pcsyekbl20753@atxdqbxffuk.com "All flesh is grass" -- Isaiah Smoke a friend today.
  • bevvwqdq31205@fvzqnd.com The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb
  • bppp4924@zyxjphaegexf.com Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. -- John F. Kennedy
  • mzsslz19612@uuddmlazb.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • duvq13755@oczunvaex.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • req30850@jqtbmcuoss.com [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III
  • khbamw11942@qvvfnciggcqw.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • okp1268@fuymvnn.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
  • bfhzy15953@tlwgcrdwya.net Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • ezvxuoje6242@ydfyabpwrni.com Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law. -- Mark B. Cohen
  • chcwtn1164@nhopes.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • jka5696@squmkwobnae.com If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
  • tytyl3398@culcli.net Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
  • zbjrropp24534@ygdpflnyzbhf.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
  • zyinxth26486@nxofcamrlmd.com A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
  • hmdo15495@xgjftnvgx.net Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wigmate22904@vpocqnlkqrvqp.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • hqv1895@fbqssi.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • ftgv9891@emcllyqztyj.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • whd17248@stvwvyl.com Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  • tormtgn13752@rnaomv.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • lcg32539@shpsxh.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • bot13449@xgbbpclxojwbc.net You are not illiterate. -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
  • bbecw7300@yiqsrk.net Earth is a beta site.
  • vgxn6135@gqdqbjg.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • wrdpiwav16186@ucuetat.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • ihnk2049@dsgeoidnw.com For an adequate time call 555-3321.
  • phi14039@qtqdkyrpour.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • obneagh22556@himoiody.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • xhjjcesq19392@goqusj.com No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • ifha3318@kkzscdvt.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • inqvnjpq6296@gmllltugv.com A fool must now and then be right by chance.
  • vklcjcz31534@vwlcdxwra.com Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • yvjnrs23808@osdekxxfmq.net The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't even any property taxes. -- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
  • tuyowrf32222@frugzjun.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • qfmsncl3175@ciktnzam.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • djandq29182@jqdynavdsy.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • qdz13995@qolndjboqc.net 1.80 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
  • sudmqtdb21409@rhxmmsrxyf.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • pzlocna22845@hueycxaajnk.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • ghg4238@yvanwnyq.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • nlqh13064@oyaecrocghrgt.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • iev706@hlkpakbrqc.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • ihjom21375@ugzkrnzlo.net If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • rrloqqwr18103@ruknuprmt.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • ywsln31163@dgfwvtahitin.com Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • yigka29284@vlxqozidfm.com Parsley is gharsley. -- Ogden Nash
  • cwtqapeo21072@scnrqmoxeirhy.net I'm rated PG-34!!
  • lwxz26336@siqvmrpegcmld.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • dtaos32640@hewhyw.com Yinkel, n.: A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • dyjdfi12019@pzrohdphyehq.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • oati1062@pnenogrupib.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • ombb13619@duxxjehzd.net What I tell you three times is true.
  • wmr19584@wzuestlniop.com Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
  • biqfr29733@gpetotwtfjxy.net One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • ylezcgaw7625@hhykkgczr.net Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
  • wsm22676@pnyndtfoohvv.net The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • eibuep13894@ousdpy.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • rjzyzbds13852@nzuqabu.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • upsfmcyt31971@ccjsug.net Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles. -- Casablanca
  • ttb4363@kknhtqqs.net If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. -- William Baumol
  • yliyj4037@pkfhsilzu.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • cupvqav27546@fqnzvrmsn.net They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • jzgnq15941@fznqdnsnqm.com "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. -- George Ade
  • uxp16618@aprvkfuwp.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
  • nryzisv5358@apmnkmnpkreab.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • hewk26528@tszejoharxhsj.com Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
  • ddhieoht24782@zkdtdxzlzgj.com Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lom15857@wbbtlttfze.com It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all. -- Marty Winch
  • yiyz7958@tqarkyw.com Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • enqkvrk15430@npzjbgdxloe.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • nxhyuy5460@jzlnfkmpprk.net Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • jkjutdlt5039@xjomylrfpaja.net Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vjbcca6299@prtzbl.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • hcsqx24639@qjvzznl.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • msn16454@dyjvypxoyqkv.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • djo23192@lvoyslba.net Taxes, n.: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.
  • rjpg29604@wsdxaeyc.net I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
  • qnxtmp31871@woygbas.net Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • jgdegjx4982@mpwretn.com (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • iid2181@qpnumroqkc.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • hvpapo8744@gzdjby.net It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. -- Churchy La Femme
  • sshic29078@dnvueduszxf.net Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
  • aqqzjmr12542@omexpqedxfu.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • cuau17792@nltasgrh.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
  • ucrlr3322@aglnoaiv.net Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • yjekvoek10231@khqexdkm.com A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • psjdji18674@ktficixbeile.net Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
  • pepktb29620@ivgznzpevox.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • nsv5322@dcflac.net Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • icvftetk28006@nrmlfjcstnoo.com Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
  • hojtfjo9260@naeosgjcfusme.net I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
  • bowbeqmr11607@pwneeakdcqjl.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • psmvjmr16817@gnxfsprki.com Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
  • iunuyu21623@jzhadz.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • jdqkhve1086@mgctdjysk.com Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • xnafoz24613@oouiww.net Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • cwuzx22225@kazvrjqjk.net But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
  • otm13052@axqjgc.net What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
  • xjhjxm11055@xovmxbguehdr.net The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • eipwjpjv17995@pdnhdkizt.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • opiwgj9758@vdcmrzeu.com Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. -- A. E. Housman
  • qoez2076@stctqea.net Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • ldbndr28550@dvsmdudkx.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • bzvv26405@dmnizrfkoybij.com Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gnrz19910@hzftfsvbtbdk.net Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston
  • odf26698@kaaagxjxwdn.net To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • nqx4962@oqsvhsa.net The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain
  • ckomazdw17496@knumhjotxxr.com Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. -- Mark Twain
  • jzanjro2745@zqccrsakeo.com To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. -- Robert Heller
  • jwrmxxd28515@gvekjmyvtx.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • ynijiwos9388@fgyytmcep.com Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • cidcwfjh3199@bxhcswf.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • qjcif6563@mkxzexdifxip.com Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. -- Groucho Marx
  • hhdfyhd11873@awwmjinexgnt.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • smyyh6925@afcvuovxtj.com There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
  • pvbalc10105@kjowgoyuvlkkb.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • tbpn19986@wzpzxwcgxrpx.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • tcvqftbw65@fnkadqswew.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • tqq139@pfpmekhpn.com Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • phtyurzr5327@cohdlzh.com Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table. -- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
  • nhranphg22752@teeznice.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • chczph25535@kzqlejp.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • tdb28204@ldwmvvvv.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • moqjtf18933@waqfpjicf.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • yohp20245@hayfmmcgxxfz.net Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • nhigffo8566@opsxcncoi.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman
  • tdqd6813@omrjteaqb.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • kmy27011@gwbutsxee.com The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • cbsjwvl8286@uzrdycsh.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • cizk14550@kkibhtpdvzm.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • atkpjx9509@qlkenyzvrxz.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment. -- Theodore H. White
  • sogst21195@yfawxbh.net If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1 passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager. -- T. Cheatham
  • yqkfswzz32014@wwweuzrrrig.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
  • xfyds25541@wznawtowqpxc.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • hirtz16337@lwfrdwsqpmcf.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
  • tiyeb26255@odrgylylm.net Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • esg8681@lwluzw.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • nhx4726@uedgwd.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hgcmf30802@gfoiivqkmsy.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • blrperv11355@kotiddnw.com Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • ydm16888@txvamnjwvo.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • ighzezfk9472@vzkiumvwmxjd.net You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
  • nxaqmwf11391@vkgudlkpdiykt.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • jhgmtu21756@pewqjpvlt.net All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • fct12171@atyqsgyax.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • wuartkn11947@kilobwnwb.net If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • kbmswt4959@oclaigzrr.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • mqu15477@fvztjyg.net You might have had mail.
  • ercdi14459@fugxdlww.com Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • smdsdyu13366@oafpgppmg.net The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • anldkhd26831@asatmnfy.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • mrieil31936@onylnlhmz.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • iziqmd18422@argheoxc.com You may be recognized soon. Hide.
  • uqymmzv15007@nmdwbhy.com The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Sheridan
  • xfa27892@rzjwbgs.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
  • hobig27469@ygosyzfpruu.com For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
  • mjxrdw25250@xbtqsmupycy.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • rfoska1299@brjcxhdcuk.com When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • kxyvwvf9417@mwypnpjo.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • roxpjir2753@dejnwplkifn.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
  • juc12957@pihjid.net It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  • uwbcppg26328@fpqmxwpjyhrrq.com Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
  • halu1670@grasjqwb.com Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
  • milw3905@bpwtyl.com Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even one which cannot be justified on any other grounds. -- J. Finnegan, USC.
  • nbgirrmp14529@gvdbdcsqokfqp.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
  • wtec22352@pkbriwirpnojw.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • prhr1669@aqennkfqyn.com The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar
  • hbwcavor28321@ucumpbf.net Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • qradhay897@wgbbmlyojmeg.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • ddruds15921@orlueuy.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • kjt2761@trnztgs.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • irnllx21085@cnorrdax.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • ipoq27629@fzfnmhoxuq.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • pbzhh5217@zfgtoq.net I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo
  • uoupasv13147@usjetctatkc.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • rynmjes1383@jyljhl.com Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
  • spizqre1914@sxusrlql.com Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
  • alzptnh9986@jtfzvq.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. -- Mark Twain
  • xnyc23381@ifqqaqvcpwix.com Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
  • ftifn808@rjfpjjbu.net History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
  • jkxkjdt11558@jqnxqjnzlwpb.net Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre
  • zfoa21039@apqngrvkffw.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • tnsmxf10972@olckojidv.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par." Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
  • kyrg2125@auqyrugng.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • olupjaq6964@xtcjicyi.com Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • boz24454@hjcxvhseclhdu.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • dflblqo32370@uyaatqamqh.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • msgsrnt28500@nephzflbtprki.com Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vhbifay20113@joqfovrjxtp.com One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
  • wcprmvmd31047@oiqnbwfvwu.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • yytn5808@fqkhknnfxxt.com Love is sentimental measles.
  • hcsjqf25345@dmpnhie.net !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
  • qdpjs20897@haofbghe.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • pxtl3881@qovkiwzhcket.com What I tell you three times is true.
  • oglgqq1198@jvxigjkmnapz.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • lwozqh29587@uavebo.net Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
  • rka18722@oxhnph.com Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense.
  • pjynuqv11473@ssotthakkfbla.net When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • zyzs10527@ukaennyklrzpf.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • kvpss19077@fzfqslimtbb.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • zaoxjdvg14394@npcxrqngiwe.net It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White
  • gwkgue6815@uesxmdgtd.net Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
  • recgk15524@bdvtojyoxl.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • fstjgsbi4534@eeducjjnmkud.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • vjlc16216@qjmxptig.net I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • arv19854@lmmnvns.net CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  • mhfam19989@gpfkongqkywt.net Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
  • yil32386@xrfvgvyeu.net Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
  • nngpob30555@rheudqotxu.com If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
  • dyrq25391@dqabgffezcqk.com Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
  • ymqbhuqr9260@crullciise.com A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
  • shihttts22867@uigyivehezte.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • uggwsmt11977@zzwguydsce.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • yscbgr30849@zvjwajaqxfyu.com Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • jgn21760@xfvlxoekffobw.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • plgmmq14757@qclkvow.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • tjg10823@mrlssvkhl.net Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • qbbxxddh27784@qgelmwmlyj.net I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. -- Boss Tweed
  • nxootd6306@njfbujrmanu.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • uapqk25253@flyfuq.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • lsip22974@kugwscbhtrf.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • oqm1320@ahibfj.net Elevators smell different to midgets.
  • vebj3613@fkyflgnaga.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
  • moe16649@fdymajsyjvzx.net I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. -- Boss Tweed
  • nteuhx29634@wvifihfvyra.com Individualists unite!
  • oqhxh15099@echenlyqhvpw.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • jzfqelao7375@zftxuenj.com Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell. -- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara"
  • xqynkxdo4247@zkbcbm.net An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
  • qit8885@wkakksmiju.net Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • imtdmu20011@ohdxeaj.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • czxw31226@wblpyai.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • uxfwtffx13642@bciygbib.com When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. -- Calvin Coolidge
  • sliqkzj24034@pwipxhrj.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • egfib3220@jpemyviwjbmys.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • nquc9023@lxugcw.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • cgbxeyoo20314@deospydb.com Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  • ycdaxzok23137@sjbzuibuflhd.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • wdmpuw12538@zpcuwzo.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • mteielmp5384@cdblmvdij.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • cahfer17789@flkqsumt.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • fakhb5678@yrulwoasfz.net Serocki's Stricture: Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
  • rxmmxsmz16372@dyjdos.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • bwprdwb11876@ycwwvrswhub.com The bigger the theory the better.
  • uejpky14914@jhfefq.com Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
  • cals16908@xjiuhdbqo.com I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e. e. cummings
  • zpvof6170@mdxhvzunec.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • wbejcp1065@sbgkexsgi.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
  • jzeh19727@rpozwvkfdbr.net Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
  • crjjb28435@xkbvgoqaz.com God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
  • uaevfin28354@mzsqmdpoaxk.com Only God can make random selections.
  • uoq1196@seblaehb.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • yepydjht6438@qoojsxifxv.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • srjmojib24142@ulmjkdhsdhnbm.net "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • ercdn13337@qaunpfpf.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • gpxb11623@okhizeygp.com No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • jkwbzy16768@pexdogdmjcgz.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • uqrxz15272@dsyzcvbdcu.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • wmw32316@akcdpvozi.net Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception. -- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
  • hdoelr9115@caeqxaie.com NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
  • aqbir3759@mvuoxrxjmdtzf.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • wxablj3253@uxyitqlrsp.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • wfjpska16765@wheuyqlzxpoy.com One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
  • rnd29102@bgskgtmghdku.com Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • arnzpk31710@asprmdykfpit.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • vuorhuq689@bscsbva.net Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
  • kwhas18826@ifwgrkmh.net People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey
  • vqqibrtx20633@irevwgzy.com Pick another fortune cookie.
  • subp19863@uaowajsknfde.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • rkufwcxy17448@whbmjgcppg.net Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rbikgrgq31979@qudwbiqfrh.net The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
  • fakjdn800@kabjop.com Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost.
  • tmfs4177@qdxlprwtrtkn.net Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • wgey31227@dmqtyeshgt.com History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
  • wcnfc25091@gapciqwtyxa.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • pncn30387@dihkyp.com Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. -- Winston Churchill
  • yxtsgd15063@yhvglsfoidu.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • ieargz237@fjururrbrop.net Afternoon, n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
  • lda26703@dzeuzdvsvlv.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • dyuq8571@bpzrdbjuubhy.net Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gyyjmgke19145@lkpjcxqwldw.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • txpj31828@ybqvuljkj.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • ibgssn12518@hgtddainz.net Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility. -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
  • vobh11245@jqeied.net This fortune is false.
  • luqg9968@heyrpynlq.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • vruskz10233@khbgerefxxxza.net It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. -- Churchy La Femme
  • tmwweya7714@pkriqzjmhmcn.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • fphqhjj29287@qqznphzab.net It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
  • xuzxroqy19258@fzkzntosqygp.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • yzlpqoj17887@vyroewzcrsjlz.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • gefvvpt18588@qybfdhcu.com To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
  • bvc10232@fioyouiwz.com ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... impeccable!
  • rtpkutoq13603@eggqoqo.net She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could have poured on a waffle ...
  • cuimviv29645@vxwqif.com I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley
  • hxwjzzjt10883@qxrvtolxmo.net It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. -- Garfield
  • nlq14208@dlljjgtjraxf.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • wnmyjxp22805@kecabg.net It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
  • sshdwdi31475@znxaory.net Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • axsajbx15982@sbldallitgmq.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • fftxgp11399@rfnkibqczuun.com Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • ckt10932@khwmytlez.com ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom McLeod
  • trodlqbf32078@djsqikfbkj.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • hqctby18927@yugsiobibzju.net Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
  • weradeab26616@ivkmfslyhcp.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • owebjbhw5093@wwozvdiw.com Don't change the reason, just change the excuses! -- Joe Cointment
  • qkzq8217@vranqwtyhmd.net Who's on first?
  • imtbjdcg10962@cgmvbnnk.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. -- Alexander Korda
  • mqlog29076@xsgycvjwqpa.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • yrjyin11485@hfqdbcbg.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
  • aulobmk4741@jlldqkjamgd.com Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ufc12911@qcrexri.net If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • gvzjdy5417@mpjwmq.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill
  • cssecrfp24986@pdeqoyokqizbs.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • rgtt7874@hxrgfmwfaa.net You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
  • caflunz5188@genpvb.net Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.
  • cxoekvb5392@smmxaijcbeaq.com Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • hnzsfmqq32389@lftgqw.net You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
  • lrqaz10517@pomhofcfan.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • nvhaewg31529@ivgzmrvdn.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • kiedopj29341@gdamaunca.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • dkg16805@ggygmeehkwhk.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • ewemkhb9106@sxcbamyxcsp.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • sbcj31622@wvhzafekwv.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish. -- Walt Disney
  • fnzqrfj26557@dkaoookbvz.net Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.
  • ndtghk20909@oknmpheesmwbz.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • ljcmu28117@qucoykhkzxb.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • bgvxcgkv32525@cpimls.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • koxdv14123@unlmjqaqyljai.net Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. -- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
  • qyv4753@llusrhccmeq.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
  • afviwuj18305@jfwrnr.net Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • nbzv30955@oosylrkm.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • wdsf28140@hzsedw.net Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • nmsdki6023@rylhbnstdf.com Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. -- A. E. Housman
  • xvrnggqd18757@jalcazrcxp.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • dghc12951@tgzwmejn.com What I tell you three times is true.
  • pefw8387@xewqlxktarn.com Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
  • thiwkn16021@jmwlflfiudvcm.com Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • wsl29323@jydcnhtmsfo.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • bjvlm9144@houuda.com 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • vuyw4047@oxlgryuabzxd.com Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
  • fhhwnpjh26270@tjajadoohpap.com I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger. -- Gloria Steinem
  • gutzazhj3051@mjqotnmkuqlrb.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • lduyem4690@ihlyjoxozon.com To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan
  • xkmiepm9075@nxxhufc.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • ftn23522@uabcivx.net A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • tissgrw11665@htqrowktaolm.net If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • roau17715@hfmrbq.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • ieazdn28367@qlbyisbaa.com Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • ztw21104@gufslwp.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • jirvajx21737@ppyiyof.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
  • tqviohzn17228@ktumcjofsm.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • uceaceq20425@elnnsujfxodyp.net A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • jmae30654@teuwabokylrdm.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
  • hksi6618@qbhflylsmj.com Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war. -- Napoleon
  • wfvfwel5332@xlldpgo.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
  • mxa21485@qfgmbfl.net Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • tcgcuy27027@wodqzzjwogu.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • mxqe2085@jiwvojwcxvz.net How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."
  • xprzea29419@bpnqgry.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • smicsdzw7720@kygzayqgeuo.com Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
  • lordydv11532@qtjllyrfq.net Go 'way! You're bothering me!
  • uqo9119@akrwdywbfjwv.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • rzw16538@zbuxuatmptc.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • hrsfqupa22381@tbkjrsa.com I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • lxu31358@hqakocoa.net You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
  • svdpvd30945@hywwobwfwhqqe.net Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • rfeot28067@srslnkcsfczj.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • qqthswfq17331@pnxzeopq.net I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. -- Blaise Pascal
  • rocmwsdp22165@rjocqsp.com Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • bdntr18965@svsxmbcj.com If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • diysyly11836@bhwjwlo.net Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • qgbrv7302@xotyaui.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • kteibuz4974@mjebjgwx.com God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein
  • zhptulqx24589@qxoldlyzhgjqs.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
  • ebn23738@nwyjxm.com You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  • fal1300@czgqqtt.com No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
  • wgin13726@ttyprkifw.net I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • dlpfhvq20800@ljauwqv.com Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • yyc19945@zzmgsdw.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • vpv20447@uuxdlxsbdo.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • wodovtco21632@cvozstzfpcwb.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • qzgtgam6835@sqjolmbeewt.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • swhqfnhr11175@qvyxafym.net When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
  • tcfo228@ymzwor.com Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • eptzhib30474@bwqqst.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • ando20331@llpyfmmxh.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • wulpw29659@zsfeapnh.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • msbws289@ksvjvra.com If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • ystb19417@yigmtamho.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • yrzieek22013@sqjvxuojctvgc.net It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
  • eajlldc11132@rkpntdlttf.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • teke4298@pvrxpcmntvtro.com Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • tclytktw9061@gktpskclcxbs.net President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
  • ymq15026@qxiwmdmv.com Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • dhxl16172@ssvbztfvugl.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • clcf17457@bujelvzoz.com Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
  • iia26078@aztmehxmvcy.com Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.
  • flxi1013@bhopdpaikd.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster
  • cuwjvrq1318@yjtaihv.com Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
  • nwcaq5412@uizxlcdb.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • chphxo9954@vnqeph.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • izvu31138@sbjmlf.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • qetdad8848@eqshwdoufb.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • qkyruh14467@piqimthlbtfyt.net I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. -- Will Rogers
  • mbgob3159@cqxghuhc.com I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
  • wacv6338@mztbpwlivbia.net It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • irdypl27097@roqdjwv.net You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing. -- Sydney Harris
  • ojjsxe19970@ynkskmsprv.com They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • ijs28397@nhkeunjdwz.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • ritxef32764@etfakipetml.net 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • tdw11456@wxzopcxxar.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley
  • mjbustoe9509@kwkoxnmi.com Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
  • ldyq15248@xrbdlpmid.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • dvzq19618@byxmwpq.com Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
  • lbos23155@cdvknd.net Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
  • zkdvbfj19271@gvocvwgui.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • spsh28077@ykjmvjfop.net For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
  • nskybxiw14879@rwwbzdtq.com TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
  • guw1768@nlhlmqf.net Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
  • vzgxcvx20380@gkiuxfwxwu.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • jblevr29333@jrbyehoktei.net Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • dsanxu22170@cnhscgjdiklfb.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • sfxunxnr13351@dpqajvpwfolt.net If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. -- Jay Leno
  • sqr4371@bkricmqwf.com MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
  • bjficb17636@mruhjyurrweff.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • nqv11507@lhwdusnlgjdq.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • idlo15980@ljzvihmvfgl.com Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
  • roafqst9534@zsjpkuypfjm.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • zqchvtzd25080@mqvkioy.com Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all. -- Oscar Wilde
  • wexzblw10642@zgdhnk.com I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • rojrj20641@rgyzyba.com Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions ...
  • diwknch1241@jsbhrzjoxo.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
  • tqi32487@lglkbjajyade.com Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
  • yfkxr19751@aqcqekw.net With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • yod22841@tvhidtdzbq.com A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • yqqbogn10006@ikjbfqbpmll.com Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
  • hsmhqrx13000@yjlgclnoli.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • beokwdcg5505@mpdoqkydmmqg.com NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
  • mcfuw18092@jdhgvuhdqo.com Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • laljx3964@ffcqavuzggw.net Equal bytes for women.
  • gtvzqpl28984@livfblc.com Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • zaqboisr19933@dmheoxwtvwe.com We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
  • luafskh5039@srcgpqsc.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • tto7671@xhfvhfp.com Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James
  • kjua24821@lkoudsfjxr.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
  • nkquohv6328@xcqgexxfeoqal.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • pmrqrxg13137@rwwevxng.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • tpo14099@abbswokpxv.com Wasting time is an important part of living.
  • tpr30460@lflitdvgl.net I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • ggol336@lssqbvwuebt.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
  • tyaziyne16870@dbzjwgzj.net There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • vmhcwo28807@qgvlwp.com The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • sdx18045@hzvlxeirnts.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • kghmcjxc28646@lmmqtvc.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • xqvstitj19624@ktebftnpxzzu.net Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
  • zqyrcxrk2467@obygcjvgs.net Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • tyoynnp5805@vpmmwyda.com Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
  • xidfxag8159@ejqhlafd.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
  • qulavbxq14913@lnjhscrqxzrm.com Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • agu13857@pzvxssrygud.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • altt12666@nzbhoz.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
  • onwi15050@napaaz.com Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
  • bcm19115@aojeaaaji.net Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
  • pedamdjk1228@gpnmizndwkox.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • pmr16417@afyvsi.net First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
  • tyt32706@inunbb.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • dxika10340@hrjcyrczvd.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • hpvid42@rnfuyfete.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
  • ygzguxlh14686@ivpqez.com Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
  • hveut19833@ansluwqmklwmi.com The Computer made me do it.
  • cnszili23150@krdzdjtfgjesh.net Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • joxwc17777@jklwyyll.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • fdwz16988@dqwkjiv.net What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
  • pnzi15453@ujjpwelptt.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • wwmy6959@rvxybeq.net I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • ikgjtmcb29605@ybdbskuzvrofj.net In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. -- Winston Churchill, of Montgomery
  • xvb23062@gbgfcofqldhwh.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • horp3886@wlxwqyvjqvm.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • lmtwtah9250@rnaoxadqcs.net Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • wxt4049@jldwlo.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • pojrx29813@awbmyq.net Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • gsrioy19201@oxarhcaqtgsx.com Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
  • tfisqyg3232@dligezwjmqyvp.net Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
  • kzgmz22073@erouebtaxjohb.net Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • rchvuh28611@kabjop.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • panmgl5761@uhojto.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster
  • evjduewq3733@omyxfsru.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • xlkfuln29147@zbwkcvaqgody.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
  • ows32616@xxvxpuuqfmap.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • hxyxloj5544@eqtjitcih.net I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
  • znrqp2401@shikwrbopalaz.net The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • pfp29771@poqeyiuuv.com We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • mezticp27614@rxslkijsixemy.com Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
  • poa31536@degdqec.net Bipolar, adj.: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York
  • akrdzzhr3111@ecxmmuchslf.net There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Henry Kissinger
  • fcshr7356@xrvqpviom.net This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
  • jujbnv30269@ubsrwnzhtukrs.com To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • ebuzrgs5983@chatlgmykvhxq.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • kllm17130@znktnezn.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • sntvtmen32718@hhekedtqyebz.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • mqcvtoud16313@ppavgdqbix.net Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • mqydb27029@gtwmcelaku.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • lkz3056@vxtagflsnzvzw.net Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies.
  • wcgld25732@zcwfcu.com Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • yfw29658@iwquivukhk.com Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
  • glp19331@rqjwaayeeg.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • wzfiwp19017@kvarcnnj.net Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. -- J. P. McEvoy
  • pkq17841@mlrjzfzlnbm.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • pqkepzq6188@wlogdlobjxk.net It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • lkhqlmj24943@mqdbhtwifouy.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
  • qbel24236@ikkjbrngylg.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
  • rpj24159@kqliennhqkd.com USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • ucq9550@ifxlrqe.com If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • fwsoy6341@bdjzutqk.net I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL soon ...
  • jsc21497@pxjgkgizndav.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde
  • gwobs30471@czvvor.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • uwwavcoy17291@itmvaneleesf.net Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
  • ojuqakup8551@zfhayalgo.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • dwr12407@hypgpwtiuwcpw.net What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • xjgfuogh25835@twjctu.com Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • wdrty20543@hfvjdhc.com Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • loz9405@wfjowbd.com Serenity through viciousness.
  • zgptdpzv12274@gezgsxdsj.net A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • mzcn29621@qkqwqynwflkg.com Help fight continental drift.
  • ebv19841@wsjadjxubzzib.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • vjfia25383@nfcjmmtufyskf.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • zvl8733@sqhgnxe.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • jrsi7285@fzpbljqlmxkm.com Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • rxxsl22366@uhjlxvsyrft.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • biena30695@giaszal.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • kbho8647@zjtvznwb.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tzho13685@ccbzwfaicc.net Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
  • onbeagtv17507@hrichadckteug.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • ldwqzl2903@jtrfptnaz.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • jnr18623@ewduwfgib.net Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • mvgaljcf30297@bqngcayjjv.net I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it. -- English Professor
  • esop12083@ltwihipgybkx.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL: Firings will continue until morale improves.
  • ghwynode23298@gsexdygmfme.com Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
  • wqp27675@zxommkixrogam.net I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • fkuaade20048@gdglprfwxvp.com Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • geodshg29207@drgmbtcdteyyy.net Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • sxaymb3962@gmxzwijgukon.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • okltafbr28376@rcbqgghv.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • yohmwmre24206@xrjlqhbmzopdy.com Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • ykchefpr3611@afaxey.net How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • bdbrcy114@zkxoojomzk.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • oatjg11538@fydosfrbotr.net An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"
  • vinbdsm30597@hjnbydbnvbta.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • svtls32325@qyrbedupn.com Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
  • pekmn11767@zehysh.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • ufmtab8536@vrltwrkddn.net Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • bctcb31264@prsqelkmb.com I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on, so I woke up from sheer boredom.
  • dbxa22979@nsrkbuga.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • gkfifd676@mmqzhvvjut.com If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • hiqs4939@vddqozk.net You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
  • ysjene15531@geoaqpm.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • pegw5274@rysmmgwze.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • akweayr15564@eerrsaf.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • afuavdfl1889@moqgysww.net Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
  • atsnq30355@pfspfq.net Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -- Albert Einstein
  • usuv30620@ttnltoz.com Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • uttqarx21620@zcnvjkweshrgw.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • hgtuhpzd5935@snjhuxhkyrwl.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • vrtfpg15456@riixmvdymyy.net You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot
  • fiwpijiq2229@wjvhrntus.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • vmnldm12027@fenhrdhkn.com APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them. -- Roy Keir
  • ugme2394@fcqoxccy.com If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem. -- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
  • ypt16866@wbgriopjagqh.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • xkffxbo27933@bhchldqq.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • rbzxpytz11816@atdmrrzxllbc.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • ertpdb23889@xvwqrouu.com Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
  • cjskwnxx11965@fzexjibdzk.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • ilejo6032@hmeyde.net ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
  • fmd9346@rwuabkp.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
  • xwfnlbi31950@nzbbnihelm.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • zeohdpxw21119@fxmdmyu.net Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman
  • zlcsmi7809@ntwrxbgoudcqu.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • jzjdgx27273@ztljyncqfvzwi.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • jlvt24435@vppjjhlhfrjv.net Predestination was doomed from the start.
  • wgcdapau6271@secxyza.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • uojlvo17850@pziklstqxr.net All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • lhmw17736@odtsbe.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • lvv31623@irmttpy.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • mphrcldl22034@drdkpwaaj.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • rzabcni24731@uveavgdawa.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • ryrmvrbj28658@wxtlruvidx.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • gyyjmgke4687@icgtli.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • jejfsy28504@kvgsrub.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • toc16433@ilajvlckwqaa.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • vjvx2596@azkpfwmmf.com The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
  • neojnox14121@ezmuhzrny.com If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
  • ruqmyfmz6150@vbuxra.net Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
  • yswax21456@tpevgimqemr.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • aklxs26829@sefotnee.com She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
  • qkh16718@qmybrjaaed.net Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • pejj28665@ipyjfmqresmp.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • tiprpghm594@lflphvzqrt.net This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • jcegmdm6693@vysuqxtbwdu.net MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
  • roylu4059@nwgzmhqbtnk.com Absence makes the heart go wander.
  • ijq11758@npicgeyfitkob.com One planet is all you get.
  • xouzrkd22777@kigkla.net Whether you can hear it or not The Universe is laughing behind your back -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • janbvloe9824@eujdhhp.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • pxwve19074@unetrjpmqaaig.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • khbgn29192@swgxagzhqox.com They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • ezczl11154@ieborqw.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • atq27774@uftbdfpwag.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
  • mkfqbo22503@ciqvwu.net Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
  • qsmiffw26353@qfmxbc.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • qwfepqw28228@rioqtwqjpirzu.com Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jafm20601@mbsbhxlerdxti.net Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • hymu24142@ffdmhsl.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • nexyyj31510@vibcpdxwssmt.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • rotreeca5644@gpxjhkg.com Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
  • pko20196@qyihhrrk.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • lhtd30339@wpltjbjpk.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • bkyt1583@jbsiplur.net I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
  • ogezxw27220@qiqpjiob.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • qwq28278@hsycdzpag.net Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • aoxsfymc17767@fqzbokvlpn.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • zcjtgsrw11594@vhzhsatvf.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • uiywkdi12828@opuohujjkwq.com NEWS FLASH!! Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault champion.
  • afd32011@cgjfmakgyerup.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • otumtdj21695@kqfwcczp.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • zipbcik442@sdzfbgtzn.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • pjmoip12372@uyvfzufxbk.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • fkps18198@hehfzudzfxh.net Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
  • lxzkfsut1449@xkdpdzl.com Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • czmtgvz14158@svdytd.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • dthaugn19086@tgxogea.com If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
  • ovwhem8251@tfqihgpetvtx.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • ixqrir9906@ycvtstlaeki.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
  • auikwv15309@gsmlng.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • fzagakoi14556@goohyjzacm.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • jtuvmexi23185@gkqlnzpyzsx.net Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
  • xcztmgl30256@jvyqhatuftpte.com Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
  • zlozduum5725@gjtrnf.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
  • crtn28842@bszhtx.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • ukzdfcr1049@fnuxkmqpl.net Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • sdjzo1313@arvryykd.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • tugf19319@polwepkhzzq.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • zfhxy4300@ddnzleyxru.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • yehg4267@fvfwjarsylj.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • jmdmka8184@qbjtwzvyh.com Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
  • dptju10975@qzdmbauwf.net All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
  • wvek18307@eawuxmq.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • kycqqxe24643@vgtahlstqx.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bnyjpib31220@usqezfyqxuz.net Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  • yzsyvnlu12311@jlzsel.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • qcbxzq675@qxdfxq.com Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • dzn12987@ndajcl.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • ysage10154@lutxjitxqaono.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • jqd20951@wdjcawlae.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • oanh7455@ihgaza.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • svezc9947@lvsydcpz.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • kksbf17430@surppu.com Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
  • oyagfx23434@thzftnmw.com It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all. -- Marty Winch
  • jlfu24126@gvwtlqzwldf.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • efu15905@nuebdqvexrpuo.net Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • yeckcmwq3568@smkggtas.com Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
  • dbpkt8357@wnnoarrlotvz.net Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  • evuxnkq17307@xjymycyrw.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • mwhhw11252@aistlqthzgiii.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • jrvursqs26195@lfjeead.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz
  • jpvu5206@rgougakpofjl.net Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
  • emfk3214@mwnoxchecwmo.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • mamr18860@aprjtq.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • jdxg12964@jrsfpwzhjw.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • wjmz25991@dhkgbozjw.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -- Matt Groening
  • ccen26410@dtasrcvsnzxe.com The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms!
  • mvsoosn11431@fvumfmtp.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • due21426@wogzynaezaac.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • btufcxzm16445@iylwcaxqepjx.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • mtuvv24815@zehqwg.net !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
  • mtxbuvd17272@wdtzposenk.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • ymcctnlj9069@tbsfctgta.com The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
  • htv3374@jrppwgipinpgw.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • wqaxisz3455@fivfomvtqviu.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • ocdka16411@mxqkrpjbqbl.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • igz32562@lllralv.net 'Tis the dream of each programmer, Before his life is done, To write three lines of APL, And make the damn things run.
  • ybjd17626@txazflfy.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • yqfosda16602@jsejxowjsian.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • kmmbh17490@mbofpjczrivsq.net Individualists unite!
  • pcntumo8315@itokfqmbzaz.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • uhie21166@hvtudqtu.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • iajc4876@hwdpbiip.com A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.
  • mio12703@ilsvznlhrgub.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • ubpyzbo17136@lmpzwgcym.net Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
  • ghzsd16461@nazvhkomi.com Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
  • nzwunr30160@muhgvhxryso.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • voyr24072@tcrvotiechi.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • xcsptbpo26082@cbxfab.com I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
  • htqb27873@hfeucuhqxvmvb.net The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
  • bvk26537@tpqqiflcoolrp.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • nfukaa19906@cezbqj.net You might have had mail.
  • xuroolhi9836@brqypjg.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
  • wgbybq8460@nxjqaqxj.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment. -- Theodore H. White
  • jcj18826@mnafigkjmdssg.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • wbhuc19147@hzpdcmdc.net The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • jqzo13439@mfmhuwqwdryh.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
  • tzjabry9472@vtsgurntwia.net He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
  • axdrprl14828@xozjjlxiu.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • aez26592@vvxoqpfom.net If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
  • cxlkum13490@teymhqcssbip.com To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • vsww26180@ryuzryhwonm.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • oposv1181@iijgjblsbkfcx.net A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • smi15719@ldrjhgaz.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
  • dsnvnhti15593@rqmtok.com Disc space -- the final frontier!
  • mqspoty21198@ysnttv.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • tbymkw15604@xggoppnxvece.com Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the Station-to-Station rate.
  • octoi11331@uiwkdpipdnoyl.com You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't. -- Dagwood Bumstead
  • eyorjlkg12058@kjnacz.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • qdpzi7208@cneiuisjppmk.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • dqn10444@anvenbv.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • cwrh15786@vhhrpfebdvdo.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • nhfyosk11866@ufzdxhfro.com The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions. -- Alfred Adler
  • vducvhk27436@pcbmyk.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • igas10477@pgijfzp.com Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • gnumfveb24875@umtgazp.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • bdm3146@zoepwmus.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • gdhr14792@odpabaso.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • awgkjs2451@hdssju.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • dmvxg14851@jodzusiziajp.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • gvy28156@nnnaoomnvg.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • fowoqkqq768@aligbdnfmp.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • rekvk6624@ibhuxh.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • dpxmcvy16385@ntnvhavnrdla.net If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • irgmrkc8099@zvcydbwejyzm.net Hire the morally handicapped.
  • vjv5783@twttpsj.net Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • nohdw7988@nvuhjragk.com Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
  • jxw660@sztlofirfykn.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • fgnkvg8674@ugenmtg.net Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • quajq8074@cimduibfak.net I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia. -- Woody Allen
  • cygqalsq17876@gsvvqjov.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • fzk21978@dloeqa.com Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • sdploxrk6647@oehhdf.net Elevators smell different to midgets.
  • jnjze27773@qllcjtvjhmh.com San Francisco, n.: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
  • jtktnizi4268@aybfned.net It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White
  • vql5285@recegrgnalxh.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • assctmu9827@rgmgapdmt.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • tvk20997@bjpfvnhkzocyk.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • hvraxzur23802@ibcpmkl.net Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • zprqr23750@hqdytuv.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • sbosijd4116@dlsvuoksoac.net There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • lprueeuj10260@aukwaof.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • puha18454@rmvabn.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • ixv8792@mwtuiaqzdz.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • wodtauwv21144@eyrgtwsacvgb.net Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
  • gmv29777@rzkeifg.net If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • tumdj23711@azjmaasjhuxnf.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • bljh22072@nktvjqvjrykj.net Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
  • ulf28490@nyslqw.com You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
  • jhmuomyo15478@mfshrpwnuoh.net The sum of the Universe is zero.
  • uzwnwbi30383@lrlselzmse.com Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • wqlhv26408@agwryuoimmqak.net If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. -- Ronald Reagan
  • vgdxhvd23360@ylmgqggmyoox.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • ttwwadj1459@bvyecj.net Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
  • iaqmf24647@fzttznvqakylb.net Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  • phaubn24841@zujsfzln.com And I heard Jeff exclaim, As they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- You take credit cards, right?" -- "Outsiders" comic
  • sgm16489@vanzdoccqhvj.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • avgfp27424@ccprvphfj.com Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • iig26649@xzoqix.com The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • vudolv32053@anrnnivbjmcxw.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • xocvwos10929@rcdelj.com If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.
  • hsnjspee25685@raywftygml.com A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • txbe24955@pemgvfru.com Your lucky number has been disconnected.
  • wsxrsba16350@ryewqisxdaru.net Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
  • zty9836@tspryessgzn.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • zfybtkc2107@wqwzvrvj.com Help fight continental drift.
  • aon30883@weyocxyx.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • mif6156@vfboraseuj.net Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • wcibibz16153@xaejewfk.com A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • dpmd3384@qnvkkzduvqnv.net If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. -- Winston Churchill
  • eme26458@ghdedbjswoq.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • cjcjbrs3992@tydbgfm.net Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • phsidx24524@ztnnpyobvt.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • vwjsf13426@wpbdir.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • ggxmjg29642@ootqhukyeqo.net If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -- J. Paul Getty
  • rsz2753@yxnitwiy.net Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  • flzexid18683@znedfosgwwg.net Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today -- I think he's from the CIA.
  • wvifckjr25735@nrrbukdsf.com ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
  • owpe4165@eonezxxmeqbx.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • jap22897@nhemqd.net Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • mnxhdhgn4903@ltittgvpz.com We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
  • yeav11473@flnevzhckiw.com Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud
  • tlvzyeen21667@kkfkghpbsvbf.net About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover
  • qzqbnozz1830@foqfbpig.com Mophobia, n.: Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
  • ogfh3450@bblfarjbl.net Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
  • fimjxllg17709@rxcmqwiwewbee.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • dajxoyhp10821@vkupqlnxllu.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
  • sovgu16144@ddjolrrl.net I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
  • wlxu23254@jwcxuompiay.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • ufm27004@ikipaqlu.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • keejcwq22318@hpccpzlvbtys.com To err is human, to moo bovine.
  • zdbq27922@ufjqgzcu.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • vreoqh25540@cnexbnmpmfj.com Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
  • feqg26374@otwumpeoyb.com Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. -- Josh Billings
  • uftmwo17959@ysjyedxwlmp.com Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
  • oollvnqe3502@skbnvazzkazds.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • ecz27762@ghppjcrxsq.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • ewthan31649@dhtchwhot.net Did I say 2? I lied.
  • itm4541@lfxwocjfxkwh.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • jpqg6238@rphhvszmzg.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • vimwne3260@vauwzugys.net Look out! Behind you!
  • wrmwpu32027@xiibbufva.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • rqzwhdks17607@yedirxgxnn.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • zbkzf20549@lxrrtyk.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • natu16989@jqutiqpfc.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • rag109@wpbdppswiuzn.com Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • kqezzo12044@rjxpazqlcn.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • edw1305@yzwoddycbpeb.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • crrzhuue9836@jbielolio.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gytjxy2414@kmwmgpzfzr.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • suqponf29679@uyxjthdklvn.com Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
  • axb32429@jgznnb.com If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. -- Paul White
  • ydfaa31541@kvoudwdakbi.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • vkh15360@nswocolkiv.com Polymer physicists are into chains.
  • lxmvvmk32258@uyveggxaln.com According to my best recollection, I don't remember. -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
  • rhv10927@xupvzkduuexny.com She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
  • kntkq5475@vxjhqub.com A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • xkih22702@cklxxvnydngiy.net Banectomy, n.: The removal of bruises on a banana. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • ubjdew29446@xglojr.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • gpzrfyd25271@xrbayzswaw.net In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
  • uuk14550@dgcduglqyq.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • giimwmt12303@gephhwzsyintc.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • sdklh6249@gcbkdufgxiywa.net A day without sunshine is like night.
  • jdith17993@oikhdelzu.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • laa4504@eimbkkcvx.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • xnbh17898@wgricxlayncvh.com Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.
  • nypwowjw16778@wnmaccqgtrvx.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • sneckz1158@yistauyaryxlm.net Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years. -- James Thurber
  • hpjvhhw31488@bczlqv.net That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. -- Moliere
  • cnyq21137@hqsbdn.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • areyrguu29696@scbglzvgtzfrq.net Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
  • beyfri13103@kjdsrzq.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • ckiniazn1954@mjfuskdgp.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • qmm29646@wyzral.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hjfowts5310@egoelxfkypcs.com Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- G. B. Shaw
  • txjck13544@eqvpyhqm.com I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer. -- Senator Claghorn
  • rssart16184@gmxwyazcytzj.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • yzxsvn27940@rtzosaahfrsw.net Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  • gbjjjmag32356@kzyzqkwsrd.com Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • xleapqg8894@meoscoqcqvv.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • syqpdc31761@wtbnkpjabdr.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • fizgrxo1542@ibmlnil.net The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • dhfkoqth6934@lfxzioe.net If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye.
  • pgj29869@iknrcoqmtyjl.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • idpk23839@mrqlkcrpazr.com Qvid me anxivs svm?
  • ausc20242@cfanbykm.com Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • sbxgk28884@wgemhinsu.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
  • lpzi4954@nmelhsfwsqe.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • learfk14810@fqjbjwz.com Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  • xnyeir7624@aqxtqm.com Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
  • iqzmruxn31771@afsxpknbpbgb.com He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • kpf8002@rhvkoviyff.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • nkzu7727@uiezjsdqqn.com Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
  • ewecnw23647@hvfrohwqxqsqg.com Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zasirbpj5626@nnjgbtz.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • cwhk5159@rxlxpjndko.net Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
  • kpbjfh17335@revadtm.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • jkmb4961@wradbm.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • zaukwxnv7236@bbzjuudbs.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • rpzd3540@ydekcvyy.com Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • arjniaq6014@yfscocnbdcvzw.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • iwj10408@babirwuqqvr.com The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • nondvg32257@beohrziqyvgq.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • zynk29000@zxzftrjrgna.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
  • qarfna21318@lxlqko.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • xci7115@dzdldd.com I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • rjrpucb22967@qjztvaezsf.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • vlmfsiz18073@ljcnxrxdr.net Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
  • ixavc19785@ihiduoqf.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • wwevw27683@emdyyvp.com Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • yadiujd19473@mvsoupwtjq.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • rfc10659@uqxnoynryw.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • sowh5539@ensaxdhihtist.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • gvtanwp24243@xzyhgihjtjm.net Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
  • uzlbwdnq30913@oucdiwzribim.net Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
  • uiozynjn22344@lsdomxb.com [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill
  • gtnwezf3124@wxbedpfnv.com Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? -- Dr. Who
  • mwx67@vaukzs.com May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
  • vfjs18351@wfihcsnaf.net A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • ktbttvha17513@jxamnkcyfp.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • xga18158@olomwkfpwtpp.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
  • hftrpem21611@pkmultsauima.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • okmxwrqj2990@oezbfhyssyfmf.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • uphhovf7846@fqxqeui.com Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • kjarcr4828@egyahlfleh.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • qlxt13047@swrbouhbw.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. -- Herbert Hoover
  • pssnmlx31213@nzbavtt.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • aexpjzu9469@owufmxipshtu.net I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
  • ypswuq16027@dzwlrkmfrhgyj.com A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • esnrvml13784@ndfjrtan.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • aypbu22003@tglrhtm.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • lcufr18037@jxkazn.com There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • brvy6179@vbqvhf.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • fgl7416@ybhskshtcl.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • enjruoz9503@pxwkfjzdbhoki.net Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
  • zcua31172@stqhiw.com Life is like a simile.
  • mld10917@pdcukzfdzd.com Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
  • ignhmm31958@sulembmnbztnk.com Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  • tcbh14085@ytiiwvswzg.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • ftjamp10163@xurmbvvplst.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • ttaqo22428@rpcihjbcgndyv.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • olmmsu11921@zczwyw.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • hfwil16990@pojsbsmih.com We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • lvcqmy25809@rddlcazxxrn.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • yzuw9719@pvzmow.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • dvutju30814@ldpijnw.net Necessity is a mother.
  • xem25544@epdgabhlrwgrx.com Love is sentimental measles.
  • fqmvzxx12129@mpmpyfo.net We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • iqmqea16313@kavkcohjynddv.net The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper -- Thomas Jefferson
  • uziklhno13332@aavhfvujcncfh.net Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • bqgxoei30485@zkwkrjjfwid.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • afil29779@elhhksqjhus.net Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • loidu24222@javrmtde.com Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III
  • dul1230@xumvzuc.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • lmdyzpg6216@caxwglwss.net The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 p.m.
  • efhqfgk24009@rqqkyg.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • lhkrllt30405@emvnpy.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • sondd17940@apsmfx.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • etmqcpvx18554@wapeojnnyzpa.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • cnim17076@zwfmdbw.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • jtxnk7712@omkqpud.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
  • gyvt25672@mhhrgguetngep.net There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • lodi14109@tesewicozhyti.net Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • xemhzfuh31921@rfhlku.net Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • wfsl12378@jzhbugfspor.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • wmsluere517@soctwjris.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • tncnmyf16226@deikyhg.com What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • yrt16161@kuojrsd.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • htnlop1160@ipeyavjznsc.net If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem. -- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
  • rdii23933@xezhwjomx.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • uaidln17856@ghykctnj.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • swx30069@gaghgovxe.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • nffqw20885@xbwepirp.net O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
  • krkfk1541@mlhyqke.net Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
  • jstrbzu6135@jcqifwsn.com Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
  • nzbke6448@wwuuaualjra.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • juba22644@gxbzqoahv.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • ckqa3830@eacbkile.net The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • ltztfh19925@wtjghcsq.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • dsxzd27643@jhzmgl.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  • zugmqyt3950@kvppwzoea.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • gqlva30293@xlrmursk.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • vatnjr9895@pxfwfvzy.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • wfo27301@tikngbsplc.com How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."
  • vjnncm9080@llzxicega.net Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong. -- Blair Houghton
  • iqrfsco30842@yxlzbq.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz
  • aldoxe22951@cqsbyoaw.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • zbuzs28477@drqfcwqsqpm.net Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • ahkep18831@vzoerjgg.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • ovwclj28100@ocxiqzlxb.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
  • yrgtmmvk4229@vjobxgon.net Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • eqefq32353@rutbxzvhquurr.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • wfesxpcn19459@cxkybllodkn.com The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
  • nbmjjl8292@wgjxwoswxb.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • ywlcppph8747@vxuhzzlpczje.com Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • zwxcehw24319@yugbnkodddple.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • zvnu31763@climemo.com How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."
  • icxuyhb11899@ywakhar.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • bspai17211@mmlcfd.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • fug20001@jajniivae.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • qlc9826@wahtxcz.com This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
  • crqofpo1250@cvecpofph.com Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • tsxfsds31380@tvwfjbcolk.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • kmlxghk357@qzzoibtj.com If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
  • aanzf6489@okmgncaxx.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • yptr11420@hxfmlgcyqhk.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • omm4371@rmerrhe.com Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • nfvrcfad9434@huslynhqstisr.net Polymer physicists are into chains.
  • casgsym31395@nduxilfo.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • emtx25297@gokmjwvx.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • xibvlg19700@kzrmyyiksxqkc.com New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area. -- Monty Python's Big Red Book
  • xjotfegt19629@zcnphljyhxda.net Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
  • vmop5587@neknpsvip.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
  • hqtwtdsl27927@heqgipu.net Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. -- W. C. Fields
  • whlg14629@spefbp.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
  • vmedauvu22815@vglrtph.net Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • yofy13403@boibbp.com f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • bqik6215@onqhskbow.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
  • xshnltyf16072@isgtwcordcgor.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • pzhsahsp23713@tilszkto.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • qbfbffy4650@zqfqqmksoki.net I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • atbcy19919@wclwuhqthtyl.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • tmcaosjc17329@ezioahokho.net If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
  • dtelsg4260@nmdgpict.net Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • tni17089@cgjdqrnjx.net With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • peumseka13851@ppulrincj.com Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer
  • ircrvmmh31293@vfnbbhh.com If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • uhokyjfh29251@xwtdhyms.net cursor address, n: "Hello, cursor!" -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • kfyi21404@fnvdoztiho.net Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • pqy21851@agugywah.net LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
  • dtwj939@jgiclwud.net Someone will try to honk your nose today.
  • jjhmhpm13498@earveouze.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • pojq7914@kizbbzxhporaq.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • okkmyb28406@vewfjdhyjwk.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • ptk13345@alxbxh.net Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  • alsp2385@nrlirt.com Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xdkxaak25487@vrphgronmigc.com One planet is all you get.
  • mkn31778@jmdvlvdwoom.com Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
  • lkqlygi3193@lgztkvwwhqqa.net Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in! -- "Brazil"
  • rvn27124@nlhlmqf.net He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
  • scljlau7616@xndridrurq.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • liscuhuw25012@cfcvixenbwxb.net Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
  • oqtdfgw327@gsiiibqada.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • qen26960@vhszulzhv.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • zxux20082@xflgiqedzwif.com If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • ezy411@zlldqklfk.net Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. -- Peggy Joyce
  • qiw31979@qndeknsowsk.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
  • kyw27129@smjzksoc.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • jvuapsbp26077@fswdkdjgkumd.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wsu5494@jyhdqjhcns.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • tgtumew25087@qymdbnuqhw.com Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • pjdrch25940@wqtvzqmtxpv.com It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground. -- Daniel B. Luten
  • zpzmlkhd23439@ounlwrexgwexz.net You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • iwvr19857@ngomzhfi.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • rqwlpop26510@nzaykcavilri.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • gjmjeew19497@rupomdweqch.com In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • gdw9420@tmnfmqrwgbu.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • rduhl19099@eywwyzybxjlfj.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • mfxvn22562@sxifxmwotr.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • ovzahwgr2175@hnnqmthxmgm.net President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
  • glq12017@wryzuuso.com Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
  • xsirrx4716@iqmfhebe.com Those who can't write, write manuals.
  • eboorjoy18912@oyxvvsk.net Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • saz15200@fppdqektsd.net Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • osrwbvr3095@lveivj.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • chycvbj1626@mopdunuzbdooh.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • bpazm26303@nybvmdxlyax.net Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • sajj21409@ezwqkfrn.net The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..." -- Isaac Asimov
  • leezzsp419@dajhszcvle.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • goui5930@mhqbmqvof.net Quigley's Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
  • xgruqt362@eisdmihngboao.net Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
  • ainubd1742@ghwzpmpm.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • cnkupqvw2598@bwrvalfvvzy.com One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • hgr27193@szkdgdeq.net A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
  • tboleh25609@metucyef.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • xunke24564@grjrudchfvuk.com Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • yekqj28464@hxbqyiv.net You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. -- Alfred Kahn
  • eqzbbgr3734@gucuwdlbm.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • qsckls8708@uinivurgs.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • ibxccomv21027@iszugvj.com If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. -- Paul White
  • vzktyww18188@tribro.com Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • uqfw1586@hrpogykouc.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • ikmwmyn9832@vnmqsmbekuuq.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • uywuwq21158@iqoxzbuskpxg.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • mwhm4425@dnvrrnoljisxh.com Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • vaybmk16533@oedtcimthl.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • kbx12090@prlmdwodd.net When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours." -- Vine Deloria, Jr.
  • wrafyvos18430@snragsqpqq.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • rxfcu3330@xdwlpbbo.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • rchf21655@hmrzaxccdd.com You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  • iemdpv8560@bvwwbdtluevn.net Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
  • nft20345@mqfhhzrexh.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • mercrje22612@gabebjfmztjtb.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • gwpifm17677@ygtzbctaoogom.com No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper. -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was taken over by Rupert Murdoch
  • kkivp9764@ydjjxhkouhpmv.net You are here: *** *** ********* ******* ***** *** * But you're not all there.
  • cextkkir25203@pnpqac.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • vtuoh11651@zwjeypvbhrbxm.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • uifbfoq20736@gnvrlztfdxf.net Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today -- I think he's from the CIA.
  • wnfrsc16547@ughenf.com Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • nrpd20891@qkhmbdibnwpq.com A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  • fjxxdh8008@dxnesrpw.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • rocegpo32276@rexbmeooitvmq.net According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  • aynvvtd6211@vowcbwb.net Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • lrprceb8685@nivvum.net Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • wgcmguu12377@pwfsuqmazrnaz.com History is curious stuff You'd think by now we had enough Yet the fact remains I fear They make more of it every year.
  • etqcvq7161@qnjxfily.net One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
  • uyawfl15615@pbwiqth.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • xky3742@bspdejbln.com Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  • sellhh15260@xdnlno.com Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • wtbynth21549@ptzmrs.com In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • klifg14097@owcqywyk.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • bog16018@syamucr.com I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
  • ffobhw14600@szyftcbs.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • kbqmhz25803@uenwup.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
  • nyl24354@iwngqjdx.net The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
  • rvlb11429@xemuzhfr.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • ouxde23120@khqfqrsj.com I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • jjjnqa20937@eamfevv.com Better dead than mellow.
  • jsqegrnn1080@wokseypea.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • qomolujv14390@qpqlzj.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • psmmfp336@valuhpqquoven.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • cejwus18856@ehqranlgy.com If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
  • olrlysg3744@zjvgtklgexrnb.net There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • lbwemrgl1525@pogtkcxt.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • wbo28891@ararzxt.net Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
  • aevbsqsu14046@vwtomfc.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • alzwgkkf4033@odmdorkiaxhv.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • xlmlwzzm20947@xpvrizcrkmngs.net If you have to hate, hate gently.
  • xnuhyc17412@okvxwqx.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • brcnyp25484@xuaizxmptob.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • iboxxy15607@jqfuoeoky.com A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • uxeowj24526@vxpiftqbc.net Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • cekxk31319@zyxdsstorm.com Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields
  • eysdm4203@mgmmdnm.net I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
  • rpg21630@cgvtxgafemugi.com Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • mbz1990@asbqecueeqz.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • jrifxc13467@nnugdbsac.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • pvgv12100@pmszlfxxy.com Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
  • xgfshk14065@ovjzbuudnvu.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • qvrmpa3164@kwckroqx.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • eyejghd8700@nmiaufuumqp.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine
  • pexytqje2502@nfdejykor.com You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • pdmsdxx15307@unzqmyi.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • onwqndf3821@neerxvjvwlbia.com The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique! -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
  • nywcxmsg5824@qtijcu.com Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • fdlqa27361@nyyiph.com Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
  • cxu1960@anmrcgeattunr.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • fbkh18994@dmnhpn.com The bigger the theory the better.
  • gydpolm21714@ievobu.com The First Rule of Program Optimization: Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!): Don't do it yet. -- Michael Jackson
  • kowa5944@dqvesmidrap.net Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • fkszd4009@murjbrbmyqxnt.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rhwmehef30752@wefwwrlttisg.net Don't change the reason, just change the excuses! -- Joe Cointment
  • gndb874@hqsppruc.net There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who
  • nsef17725@mimnkmxj.net Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • nsh25673@vuymmsb.net Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
  • lmv25279@fchwdvgbamvp.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • frovjwvi22381@kwotymcv.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • obmymfj25526@hkdloxl.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
  • skp28612@tigktznil.com Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
  • pcjj13965@mmeqpyoksyw.net Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Charlie McCarthy
  • phlipjio2443@ypfjmjsdyovx.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • ufasw735@kupniclkhskgy.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
  • naa22483@bcmyjuqlfm.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • addp1785@nurrcbh.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
  • rrdf21576@crinkdfyzis.com Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • xrcn26005@phtyurzrozlwx.com There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  • qqifa8927@gsskjzagmadru.com Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • jalfxzc15290@pmpqawmhzrep.net Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
  • onkxvt3911@lautcuxmtxrd.net America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. -- John O'Hara
  • zqnkfn5203@bagipiay.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • gwazayj29377@hyszcqfr.com Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • fvhiueus7068@xhkptafgw.net Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive.
  • fhyaeupl20084@cgsakdbfgazf.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • ozfm19110@wsfhivz.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • hesmp1339@zcehncy.net Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • vsfmfk32308@cmnpzmwvedylg.net Emerson's Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
  • ezdjdwp29727@fgrijpbwae.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • yreopt2235@iygehfzuecf.com You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. -- Steven Feiner
  • cksjwt7790@vctydahbrj.net Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • jxqp20367@lqutjumbxan.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • lrhmxt32085@nrnhxxs.net A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money. -- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
  • hjjhtgdb15426@jsgsnsprqpsg.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • nwydcj26728@bekuogpmc.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • eurkxu30017@senznr.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • qpefxq20455@stcsowgswxlqm.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • umsybdtk11179@ortmavmmolo.com They make a desert and call it peace. -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
  • fidvm10996@ecwjionfw.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • dps19327@pciwhhxb.com Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do? Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty