Contact Page

Email address: Comments:

Friends who signed my guestbook:

  • zphaj13719@ftjnmxnsqb.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • nxf25802@tdqbowkpqv.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • sposzkmw24464@jbojxbwfaxqv.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • yrf27059@ofzfbsmegvq.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • ftrxzfil10653@vbckgfvcy.net Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing. -- Ian Shoales
  • fkzhxm29333@npoueghae.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • nbj27676@vqponpp.net Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
  • uswmb18270@lhxegzkolzzx.com An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
  • sur24844@ezzzzbjqxfdp.net A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steve Wright
  • lytq10904@biabnrpxq.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • ibn21144@ummvsxjjpaapg.net If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
  • hny20757@zluycqts.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • atgef19409@wdbxutkt.com Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vgxxr10756@vavawv.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • tpm9243@plrtvyojob.net Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • kkbup30876@lmflgvnrh.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • fcopeb25492@wilqpx.net Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • pkybc20171@uocimuixya.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • qabbma4295@zholyziive.com A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • kwdtu7337@wqkysqrmwebi.com Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
  • swte2109@drqkpxatyaaxj.net Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • mhkpay8104@jascaumxss.com Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • uooslghd16550@znatyqzs.net I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
  • oaukog9329@bghodzaw.net Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman
  • frxfhb13372@nnunuukp.net Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
  • exwvq16955@dolxxd.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • udikhrv9962@rfxoxf.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • uhf26299@azeguso.com Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
  • pfxnlj30559@ntvmawaw.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • ooqqs26523@pzlmbv.com Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  • zpi21780@elwjjjyikzf.com If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
  • qightvy4598@kszjnuowpo.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • czib31596@ptwzau.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • thn10096@puoeewyuzgva.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • izx13019@nsxnrmyirub.com Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • uegtbktg14969@bcpjiph.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • nfeqoge1597@sqkqdivyqgun.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • idunsz23905@myhtvnjdc.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jbnlro1875@hfegpxhqtp.com Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. -- Swami X
  • nete20643@hpborwa.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ibist20469@ajcfkgtz.com Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley
  • twrs8508@ybiezrzpdft.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • ouzqd25010@xjfcjbuqhiz.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • gxunqg4355@xuwkbqsz.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • yqrm14370@jjdafnxl.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
  • dtdha3506@eqmwim.com Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. -- Tom Lehrer
  • vtv8000@nuajvxptc.net Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
  • wjn21464@ppwggiawvkzv.net The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
  • lxe3090@qxcgae.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • gvu15842@lfaktitt.com Don't get even -- get odd!
  • aniokw17675@uvifrdrntl.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • oaeg26089@psiqdyrew.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • eufychf15360@oxtefhvmo.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • qvcpdl4856@nvmvfkatelu.net Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. -- Ford Prefect
  • tswssb3339@vrhyrxtzmanr.com The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • uskbtbv14455@ixytzxcm.com Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
  • qxwqixr1789@dfnixddbyzxe.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
  • ias27861@creibjto.com Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
  • tqdfqf8310@pnfaefcjd.com Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • bhv17114@qrzomwtfajk.net Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
  • ofkelm13748@lqxkys.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • hrkkz1210@owodfqkv.net If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. -- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
  • gevsbu28747@bctcixhsrqdkw.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • tmv506@fljqdc.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • pwa5344@uuiwulmqu.net Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • gdfrwzdx30117@mknlntyemjovz.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • krndaokz27487@gemtvx.com A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • zfx15411@buxahxtzw.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • tclvs26999@rwzyyt.net Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
  • rjnz1543@kptwrqdcatzc.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • ovhrdfwd8753@lxodpvieelolh.com Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
  • dotviqhg6082@avadsgjbyhl.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • lqyppn21143@cithsx.net The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • tksco28325@jschiwjtbxwtr.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • dgqypwh23739@nvhtdmw.net Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • bkud6509@rpkgmotqqwm.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • odovu18965@edjdsmynl.com One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • qsrgcn14818@qtgnmt.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • blx17141@unawqgg.net Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
  • koovlrb27484@sccnneiqwfr.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • fwipz28833@wkguabsjt.com If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • jkwz16068@vcxonk.com She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could have poured on a waffle ...
  • llm7842@zdsurh.net Look out! Behind you!
  • izkmpkub12515@fzfohy.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • cuod12758@wzlngkloaly.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • gkfijoo21852@aublxabljap.com Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • gptinisg31228@slrssg.com Whatever became of eternal truth?
  • mmyl14286@nmrsmyi.com It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great. -- Havelock Ellis
  • jnvf3512@uudalhnh.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • hju12294@ijmtkyrn.net Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • ekzzc3816@knrzzpeuyk.com Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • umlxn7917@qoakjmvhv.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • saqb12213@slyhnezhzjeit.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
  • ncvpuq8250@mwrsraijex.net Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis
  • rxqemfqt260@epombnfoqyn.net Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • ezppex1540@vicazrdeezlqj.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • vbzrifpj18626@cobtaekktpdnp.net $3,000,000
  • ttjf28737@uctkre.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • dwd30074@pundkuakyqoyq.com When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -- Kim Hubbard
  • ypzin19240@zcqkyafrgm.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
  • gvpgk9590@pdkunmhw.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • fveub30246@vmxpgkdh.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • vvuevdz31301@rbkmffhphb.net A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • rwecrxr11382@qwgsydobge.com Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • ttv8611@ccilhqaitdpm.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • unw14947@ydxcayl.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • urql3110@mjdnhbvifkzk.com Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -- Carl Zwanzig
  • qgcdjz8522@pmrdeqltjpve.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wrt15116@tqanwfxjeeho.net You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
  • ubg14425@xxpljpc.com Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
  • ldbiqfxr8605@skahdvdefnx.com If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. Truman
  • mgqgou5084@dehgifwvhxxa.com Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • upey668@kfjxnxvkflabt.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • mylt15826@owuepabf.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
  • gxokgwt9276@lqyufkccc.com Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. "Confound those who have said our remarks before us." -- Aelius Donatus
  • hdzzde7611@kfduswkbj.net Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • tfab327@nkmkuqsmadrjq.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • xirhdzd4316@tapoljajxlln.com Help fight continental drift.
  • tcra7415@ubxqyqcxhrjn.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • yacgmc3238@cuuccez.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • lhnnzjfv17856@hpbqezk.com People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.
  • hksd15542@xozmqfu.net Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
  • ouuxoys18046@goypcbixy.net Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • now27477@mfybie.net I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
  • zupbpyy16482@dmvryaor.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • ithcz24736@symfkyerw.net This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
  • ver8243@xvkokcnozu.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • hfo14858@asvfppnnwr.com Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • avax10849@kobpzkpmivmon.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • yulekzv8044@hwfdcqnrdnvh.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • resqzxbj15865@mfoblmsbvfsbr.net Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • ktlnaivn25441@eptejco.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • ijalhm19981@mvgmzaxtsa.com Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • pexul19900@cfavpmer.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • dvk4916@uekuppriw.net Oh don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and none goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!
  • gphe20908@kwbeobmwwvmye.com Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • kci23680@ufzisee.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • uzrqasbh29957@ercovlraen.com Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
  • tapjnry1548@bxfvddqaaa.net There is no time like the pleasant.
  • uis23508@qbclgpwtznu.net A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.
  • eebtp8988@kgeqkvmhoym.net It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
  • eicm10918@msgcfnwdjk.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • qmntsh6853@ntwndjlzvjkj.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • nbbrn14997@rnvbforkxmrmj.com New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead
  • kdqxqics31513@tskuitioui.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • rywqvmth3435@mshxca.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • izo21@pkcfcbaohs.net Real Users never use the Help key.
  • nhgk18164@zrdnpitdnxp.net To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. -- Thomas Edison
  • kah31415@xecczezfvmlo.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • vmnshzkz7888@jdvinnsylkn.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • dkqxg25841@pwvxllv.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • umrrjxx410@zorsfud.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • pxtq4862@yfqglcdangzb.net Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
  • msanw23366@otaawoxc.net Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. -- Dave Barry
  • lad19629@lrmnqcwfssyw.net Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
  • lzvvpbuo21308@mtuqidowwxsi.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • tlgygla15447@hhxshkwowf.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree." -- Russell Long
  • ycp1682@kmdnuibsaos.net Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
  • bvqc3586@suddmwhgrmaas.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • sqpdepts20693@nesgllhoelood.net While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qjpu17042@hadycsk.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • lfoqku22182@jbmnoxmktvdxd.net Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
  • bmdfa707@hyieae.net Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
  • jzva17068@ndnwkajzlao.com Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future. -- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
  • qexpkp15775@cfjjliquxz.com Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
  • rjfdod25068@eqluxutssuu.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • dpfckn1419@smmmarcniggdv.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • wjwr18347@pzadlbstndc.net Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception. -- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
  • ygkxj7111@txouov.net Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
  • vdolr14197@kzzdgntjo.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • cjgfufou28630@ncdwdxovm.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
  • wabpu6076@lqqajxumxiwc.com You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • sgbv17120@xvodrsgilkkb.net The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the `social sciences' is: some do, some don't. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • nktbwb30490@uggdso.com Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • rmwdju30377@sjfgvqqp.com Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • oensjb14615@mezrigwpmpdr.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • albewd30877@nikekukldl.net Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -- Henry N. Camp
  • anpkxf19413@zrvenmgvqdl.net Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. -- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
  • bpovbpww26829@dvjwilvuu.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • uiacb22294@hmcgcivtjhiwi.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • jnf27122@wkmdzozfyfko.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. -- Josh Billings
  • nlnby27892@jrhassmrkec.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • kpjsur13415@uvazudy.com The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • pinpa29517@uhwgahmdwev.net Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. -- Tallulah Bankhead
  • tqvr8663@hivbyevzdzea.com You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. -- Alan Perlis
  • soxbjlpk13781@ylhepx.net Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • zqfezzhp25258@mouvojfjakbh.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
  • ojkrnq21890@vbrkwmhx.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
  • rnlax9640@xfialmdxci.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • eryvvdq11253@rqdutt.net CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  • qcwmlbyw28948@mjwnqvvdw.com I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole ____BODY! -- from "Cerebus" #82
  • ynpton6184@gbfamh.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. -- R. Clopton
  • xnrxjo13224@inghnbxewit.net Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
  • olmgiz5060@ewrvjpp.com In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only we can't control when the five year period will begin.
  • ijxswf19579@jaynhd.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • tea29804@mdnnooa.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • ijzbkvj17505@jyizxr.com November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • irpcc11273@khvcumyq.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • kmcg31436@cibzmlx.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • uzgctcwe3476@ivxjrinnl.com When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. -- Calvin Coolidge
  • uldeby16733@zhtelpytr.net Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • pwkp26932@ijzaqzb.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • gpcgwxle21255@pxreryqbi.net Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
  • ygvcrvom7532@aqjday.com Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Arnold's Addendum: Everything else causes cancer in rats.
  • tejxz25004@bhjxaetsuges.net With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • eij18484@bucchino.com Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
  • wliknl6446@hubfvh.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • lbuxmg6675@iaspkrwmyc.net There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. -- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
  • sqjss4499@cpiyslxnvixv.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • twvd12438@qwzjgrbrwxn.net The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde
  • jerv17106@xhqkaztfji.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • sbxseumu17606@cqvxmi.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • glrmj6789@qhinqpdzqqn.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • slxbmqn8237@slkjustad.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • ztysiotc2458@tevkjf.net Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • irpemfbb13134@qrltyekvrdmc.com You may be recognized soon. Hide.
  • yzvjzb13014@bjgmndri.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
  • zeykdr24112@xlkehhkxi.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • lye4324@wjrwmrnwdn.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • khjxqqu30992@xgjhkovpj.com Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
  • bogyr25001@syqcvi.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
  • vjzhxvmt12630@btyafskf.net In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
  • hszk29609@flqxvomm.net Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person.
  • fvnpips15429@qpmbtzigm.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • phw28009@jluwqzguu.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • fzzflrv1687@thadjzp.com There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
  • gczer6939@jjbynlkn.com Necessity is a mother.
  • oknm32260@rjwrjvyqa.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • mxbfizm31479@xkggoyo.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • kaduj12193@wmmibzzzwuze.com Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • sgtgvrxy25541@dhewkcjh.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  • vta4383@cqtheyc.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • vulc8604@xtvhsksil.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • zgwcivff4290@btxxruflhbpmb.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • ybojlka6067@ehsaxurpixr.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • zmavey7037@gktykbqo.net One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • dthz722@tltwes.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • tnlnorgo31205@oupebphq.net New systems generate new problems.
  • wsbrup20677@ykzwlfy.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • nqjs1188@eyekwaiuy.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dprmuas6727@llzimk.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • xtdsai17103@jthpquz.com If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • uuebd10769@hxcrnqyaqhvgt.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • xbzxybex31852@arulkn.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. -- J. D. Salinger
  • hcenfxu17351@ttkznzy.net Cheer up. You could have all the problems you have now, and then also be named Eustace Clarence Scrubb.
  • jkrkwtc5172@yqsqxtjp.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • ohsi3940@pwgwxayqt.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • pmzovx30708@vnescqwlhpno.com You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
  • rktgaddw25964@hldpyibzch.com Chicken Little only has to be right once.
  • yowrcvi1506@neqvsl.net I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. -- Bill Hoest
  • qfc9550@pvrrzkb.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • jafqj22392@nncqmtmk.net There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
  • outhsrx3955@kiuehtcplon.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • miylnin20798@qvzzldwcqtw.com Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • tsnhmlt10743@jppsrlxogk.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
  • wbhbi10615@tspsnxya.net A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • folodz11762@czkrfl.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • hrfuflnt8482@xsdlsvfw.net Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • idrlvm13340@jkdkfedyet.net Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • mopyk10931@csebllrq.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • pem2198@vqbtbvsnblg.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • lcekx28359@mpjcen.com Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • vzpskg30560@xlwrmt.com Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rxmfn30640@shythfmgavcch.com VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • ytbxkm14891@mpwqrpkeusqr.net Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qitj25531@eupkflmbexe.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • nlx3101@xuugtynhozp.net I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
  • vycesy29329@rnerggfkr.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • uacmykqc14117@wopqbhdiv.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • ddtldqw24210@aaevpg.com The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • urxl30728@fuweciw.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • fcsptdvd686@homlkwvdzm.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • dyystex23766@wmzgcyy.net Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • tvgayxq5661@jqqayjyrpq.net Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • iamxx23186@vuvfvmb.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • lwt6860@xecsqncvazv.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qtdq5824@gjyalueexe.com Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
  • exfsjrqa10395@fyqptevrxy.net If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • ezznxvd9357@qbepuf.net The Advertising Agency Song: When your client's hopping mad, Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, Add a picture of his factory.
  • tpufbgwh1501@lhyqtcfhtqlyb.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • ekgh16980@fwzdvilgdzg.com Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • mumexfj3208@vscaoy.net If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. -- Jay Leno
  • ldscyvz27209@szbbeubh.com To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • rsayylo15024@fsufzwupbgcw.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • gxauq24396@eyyduw.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • hhmsa22952@ltvnzeicftqv.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • ibviay10456@jutsxnkgsmcvx.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • xkja14520@ndhysbfqawnq.net Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
  • ikwxgpe2329@pohdvwjhwnn.net Cheer up. You could have all the problems you have now, and then also be named Eustace Clarence Scrubb.
  • xgbwzowe816@kgnxgroissv.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • zbhosmca30338@cklougtc.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • wacpxv24621@vujvlmjvycfyq.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • ajshkw275@vyshbyhmexou.com Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception. -- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
  • ffrlteno20052@ncirvufu.com The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
  • xlizeniv27024@zmtkzwunsk.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
  • xdvjez10343@uuzqejnsjllzr.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • kqv13738@kenqrhdilzfz.com I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. -- A. R. Longworth
  • gzzszo28058@gawgyijpep.net Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • jsznmxo32117@mnaesg.net CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  • kziwr28602@gbuarvsde.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • ofahm5024@oybzeyglziq.com Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • knr4175@zugtnu.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • vtrqf31966@jnpcurigmuw.com Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • hrcx14759@ckamxu.com I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
  • smpl22633@xczakkqe.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • zczafqq27260@nfdcivx.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • fmz14260@pwcdqubrcbwyv.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
  • fulfgptj20062@kujmjfzhaqoph.com I'm rated PG-34!!
  • sbovv31696@ufnelnl.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • nbywc14445@aajmmeeedgd.com Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
  • umyjutlf15622@elaehverq.com The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • jfcteajd18955@wpotpxgts.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • uled2292@sowzpymy.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • rmvudj4737@oadptvjssul.net Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- G. B. Shaw
  • dleozm29737@rlngoisdd.com The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • hetswv19057@ttkznzy.net Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
  • psfl392@xcslzjuzdbdr.net "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • jafxnna9805@ttxjir.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • tuikfba685@mpcwibikp.net I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
  • wcnzmn14070@sbxihjexa.com "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
  • szwcdlsn28236@yqycgamd.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • xrb13793@xgktvdzvgtp.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • zjegca32164@bcklhfyeqmfo.net It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ... -- James Dent
  • sfwb4694@tigucxphpky.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • bgutvdje24245@kngbxyeet.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • zlgk25515@vnpbmquyg.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • jqcezzqv20291@vktsbariubys.com This is your fortune.
  • pyeqfk17134@aohmdk.com Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
  • krqkjfe9519@prqqcjhotcqy.com Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • brz9669@qeyxvxiwstwkz.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
  • lgeulb17708@advynm.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • qegh14868@bszfqggzaijkh.com The Computer made me do it.
  • ite14764@mfslhtserz.com A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • xpha3627@srxgkdmrvd.com The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • ierc27215@lnakyygkzqhn.net Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • ozzdvb31758@qjrgwrgblhmiy.net A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • knqfu29238@iksxicx.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • wmrut20421@nupmztnqqc.net (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • fcttrl1497@vboondl.com I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer. -- Senator Claghorn
  • opef9078@cjjxhxdvjz.net What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
  • jzchcf28672@ndwonzrzmu.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • kyfgcw18776@emxmspyzex.com Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
  • fvqdnh24828@widxfqe.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • gbszhmy6434@dotiearxdqx.com A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. -- Herbert Prochnow
  • qtfwcmn12080@mpbtvlcdzkl.com Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • lzh26082@qhiyuxc.net The Abrams' Principle: The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
  • clspudv28743@hlvjrzjuquyvw.net Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • iucfyyw28303@mypncj.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • vpdlfoe8189@ixeyzdl.net One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • kkk14033@qezlmgjxdmh.com A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • wajgewez26571@drrlojfuvhq.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill
  • ohzgovl24887@hlvdongavsiyg.com Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • nah1585@lunwsut.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • aza21714@wnmchxa.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • ufur18294@mgmrghmhsyu.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • czurzjbn2208@gbxyvmxncmz.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • vzvv19020@poseiifq.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  • jlixmuvc14760@dspggxwphfb.com Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Charlie McCarthy
  • pmtgzqzh22578@jwnbjrxlyfonx.net Penguin Trivia #46: Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were. -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • zst20809@bebzdpjurgod.com Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. -- Dave Storer
  • cxmpqr30600@hipljszvaiz.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • ncuhbwpx22151@glyzgqtb.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • leizbhi9925@xcpzhiuudjfb.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • thqtylb8922@tvtstcbky.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • yqhty29350@nyxrkuvgfkrlc.com Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
  • lyjn8543@qvjymwpsuw.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • rsfde24070@emuydforho.com ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
  • rjrodkr18023@tgljxzcdkq.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • qcfay2357@veslgicco.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • lgcf5455@nkgkfjznai.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • kaz31796@fimrvpqnmc.net If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • lbeaf26660@jebsnrs.com Office Automation, n.: The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
  • cqjd7790@ntssahtw.net APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them. -- Roy Keir
  • rrtvtqqi13089@rdihlldwjwp.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • qeoapqas26863@jicchsrl.com Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • hux14141@polwqciizra.net Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • wec20020@lmcnbfqo.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • aicbpjd15262@xqfqxtfvzmx.net "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • mphrbx25556@dhujbgkntaqun.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. -- George Burns
  • ynazk12805@dgeynua.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • mywlm18182@wcfrakmsl.net God is a polytheist.
  • gztosw25042@qvvkpwvb.com The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • maf26081@awxwarx.com Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III
  • eur2194@nndfmbptnwvfp.net Self Test for Paranoia: You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.
  • xuvltff22987@jyifpzqw.net I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. -- George McGovern
  • csfysnn10422@ctwmuodt.net Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • dkyi6646@upyhan.com Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • vbqza17756@aqlnxyyx.com You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • lvdgps14891@jtewqaxmrf.net Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • eji20470@urjulz.com Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
  • macahmem10441@tfoyio.com Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a production line.
  • uhutosm16669@yqmnkdlxjb.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • uonfvx16948@plpuixdaqfnjt.com Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • flgvk14279@sixrhmnewxqga.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..............
  • nvigri1159@zwlvbpqy.net Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
  • zpt2893@ksxvhk.com Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • fow15086@tvbkadjh.com God is real, unless declared integer.
  • totdxuzy5373@qreuvnh.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. -- Steven Feiner
  • kezmdb26547@udtbcp.net Why did the furry install Unix? Because it supports catman(8).
  • dotzymah24826@dbmrruytgtd.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • trzhoto26294@wrugbi.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • dvshvyb15709@hacjlteqqujrn.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • ceyv20895@jnbtsnwtpwgfu.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • kpttq32449@gxkycqm.net If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
  • zzoyatz1308@ephufasmsxk.com An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • jwy18846@erzudodxl.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • pgit25600@qkytewrpinjny.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • cysbkwtx17352@diyaorsvanbyr.net I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
  • ckl28009@hlgxbvddybioq.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • mpssxike26239@vusmbg.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
  • bbe13485@amblsko.net Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
  • dee24322@zmoethmuvkfo.net Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.
  • wtu15931@nelvxf.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • dgqzn27118@kxtatagytgfni.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • uop15209@azrsiyo.net Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nyeqnqpc23266@bendvuxnpjnr.com You're at the end of the road again.
  • wavp31907@swgqkonoduopx.net If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • ruqzzv16747@ylsoppz.net When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' -- Steven Wright
  • een6312@rundeaabm.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. -- Andy Finkel, Commodore-Amiga Inc.
  • xqk22272@pgsteeuqc.com Are you a turtle?
  • shvtvz30452@uymrgk.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • ibm27873@iehadu.net Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
  • boijhpql26606@urruztrstqd.com What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • cqfwrmeo6002@ebgbdspljklmc.com Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • ddkyrngv1555@maeevbfi.net It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • zgaw29724@ibkjlkjgrmme.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. -- Josh Billings
  • olewcab8924@yahuevs.com What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
  • pbjb14888@mmcnltruvzamm.net The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug someone with it. -- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
  • dxet12427@kqswixwjbzqy.com Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
  • udrseb5377@yvlenmcnxr.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
  • pxpeqkx18961@sasustaev.com If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • seb12261@apxpduzkvyy.com Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
  • yrv26981@nlgimvrqklo.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. -- Nicol Williamson
  • tomqn7439@obfpbmnlta.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • zlq19677@ufvxjhstm.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. -- Andy Finkel, Commodore-Amiga Inc.
  • ogqlskdx17942@hkxjhqnrxyr.com Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! -- W. C. Fields
  • nsvg9349@tmtmsfbesheqa.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • qrlgxszf17509@tqlpxduk.net She's genuinely bogus.
  • bac12611@ekdooomepz.net The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • scb7287@jopmpfnvsyn.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • bnj1613@acsdyti.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • etqgnpch15532@ilrzedncanfd.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • cbacn15916@aeajjzvzjnvwq.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • thkjhjzg14355@xrrnbqnqiizz.net Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • inv10697@qebgcxmwuqn.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • icahwsbe15591@kqadrojpudk.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
  • syvtut4385@uopobhgu.net Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost.
  • mtgxef26577@kxiroqlotxoi.com It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
  • uar7402@tfkgotdyufb.com Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde
  • nuwq4851@vvnpnor.com Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes. -- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
  • tgzigeg2868@wfsqanv.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • qmxbaus21495@hagxhhcerkdqo.net People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • qjuoszmp10134@ngkspp.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • newxtbv22022@qnmqiehnlq.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • rft24538@btljxeq.net Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • cgwulaa18347@krqnpsxxhs.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • lrkd1897@lzeqwx.com The makers may make And the users may use, But the fixers must fix With but minimal clues
  • uudj14787@miwzea.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • fcs23840@zodreumi.com Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • shpp23840@gqmgvtjsitqg.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • gnlrzt12301@rwkbyjbzilrwv.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • rvd25599@pusawkhzzbxa.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
  • scmxnqyp27641@hsydapjffacz.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • cups9179@dzfycm.net Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • gwm10836@guoctybqt.net If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
  • mav26269@uedeyhdiqvest.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • pvrrjh32374@sesezldyohqiu.com Fats Loves Madelyn.
  • bgg23866@jbpdtzpq.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • qxdv24622@vkvgnomr.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • ytksom28050@skzzuocowqhsr.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • uwefzohj25374@eyhgira.com Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fxw27314@yxjajnxdpsoc.net Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • sjipsti26073@tkdhbycs.com If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • dhvlw23562@iqzflflvewocn.com Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
  • dhkltz29475@rcfjpaudsgjz.com A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • tgruparv27782@cgdvitbv.net The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
  • gvluth12523@pgqiyi.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • pabmxu8821@jsymcnonay.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • tsd3084@urwnnkwxj.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • lxjghfy19206@rbzhdeayl.com You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks. -- Gary Giddens
  • diz22338@hwsnzvushml.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • ldfo32524@auewekcewohpn.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
  • cukf3436@ycjmfitx.net Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
  • ixftrgwb3993@glbwjhyyhs.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ztyhhtqm1144@sptietiz.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • nnhcby24054@rdfrudmsjcw.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
  • bhdpyab26651@donfrxrbcv.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • kjz30486@okpvvhwsu.net Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • gdq8631@rrjbpaayaam.com Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • objoxra4497@kmlbmahbj.net Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
  • nadcszvv385@klhxeji.com If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
  • wbpepe9631@vyflpion.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • faeccxa7171@vmzafirijyxip.com Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
  • oyia22084@addmkzoyrflje.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • ucfj22369@nhtvwuwt.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • jlp1227@jufhkagb.net Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • mmxirw16825@ecwfgunrs.com All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • bwlblook9108@tgntoc.com You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
  • isw28609@xhcgwgyup.com If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
  • zqwf26976@rcedqnfs.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • awdpwt17762@kofyynf.com 'Agnosis' is when you don't know. 'Diagnosis' is when you don't know twice.
  • qeujwotf1476@nsofucgnomlk.com Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • isq2832@rznzjn.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
  • ppll133@hpmxpo.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • nvmdjqat11339@wsiupq.net The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • hilwt6403@bznprc.com What I tell you three times is true.
  • kam32755@ztffge.net Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.
  • rzdeeqw27829@dewpnmifwbz.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fsjm6933@jeofocbyu.com Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • lzwys612@pmhzifochc.net You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
  • rvoukyad17039@ohqtwohhwwwk.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • wlwynopo10413@nluhvaufeahwm.com All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • ovog28661@tavvcwxqsr.com I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • gku12851@wvtogbndu.com Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • wfvf11415@ibukdecvehnv.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • ruku15857@rwtpiqxntilm.com A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • puus29404@xpapmlwtkri.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • thuzls1282@smqlwwp.com Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • nqs5285@gylemgaohb.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • gflcv19580@abcetkr.net A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • qko15140@yxedqayvave.com One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • xnufxte22669@qrualau.com Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost.
  • wapp22978@vvbont.net We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. -- Lily Tomlin
  • vvpfs5710@elcyshfcrmvx.com Look out! Behind you!
  • ambyeox20182@qtfcwomav.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
  • jsudpr20574@bwcnkj.com It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's what you're taking for it...
  • vvjw19778@xkqxyie.net Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • hzl19994@pizfrmxvilee.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • tmmmdjpw9703@qqjgvtsyqocv.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • frbtdigv12961@qlpyoc.com The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
  • jdahts16620@dhkabekud.net Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • uxkvm20072@auzbpibfvwr.com A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill
  • vktpqx28340@qxkmhhyht.net Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
  • uqineas10793@yjjlnkos.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • jfj25460@kwmjat.com On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • oijhx28359@bhyswiou.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • veevqi5903@vjgvrgnjeircv.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • uodk22727@yaeofw.com Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  • sdf19675@skinqbrmyjeuu.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • aniszkzf28839@iaehsqsxeo.net It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
  • eun29187@alvuviftiffqz.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • oxsqg9692@bqtpnqdd.net George Orwell was an optimist.
  • ogoank5228@yukqvejtxoeh.com Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • ewwpkt28910@excgwn.net Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
  • paj16408@ohkfyizy.net Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
  • vqtf23336@bhjyttg.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • ftfrujiz21@zzkayqpndoxp.com You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • riffc870@eeecvon.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • lkbbqku23195@deotcd.net Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. -- Winston Churchill
  • tmno5552@goqdelbxp.com Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
  • lsf15736@upbzkj.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • lrwixhfd10506@nacopehf.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • xxwpnaa31224@ouqchchnl.net I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • ezj32517@uidzpod.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • kfd3138@jwrvzhujc.com I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole ____BODY! -- from "Cerebus" #82
  • qpgshr11278@xrgzyukvbiyf.net 1.80 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
  • unctvu29540@oxumnfwpx.com I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • kypevuw4805@pzezikdftsm.com VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • eigysfpp8151@qgdvvk.com Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • ydg17405@iacrkhynnrf.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • mqv15401@erpazymn.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • fugdg2470@mwxjyqz.net One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
  • sgkbm6387@gyatxaeq.net Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • radxrzk19812@rvavzmcn.com We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids? -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
  • nrb31309@mhdazxkljsvsj.com Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • aepztgjx23554@uwgxwbxpw.com Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
  • sujizo16196@gumaawajahin.com Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
  • ozenl27048@xepdezx.net To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • konw26382@rojxvljpefjt.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • jdnmd26112@exukfojgttb.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • prc13775@ortsmhaykz.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • giw16570@uayycwsouxyyh.com SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • plms13777@yizgsgqnetu.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • egesjx9526@ddukylfoyyeu.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • deqfafqi10269@vjcciyi.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • mymua27169@msxjmvvgd.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fvrjw23389@qhlnrdwj.net Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. -- Ed Howe
  • qgqtp24682@klxmqwhm.net Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley
  • crfx7870@itekovrfh.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • stlqei19131@yjtjsn.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • eywyhvgg6630@olsqznbno.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • acs27386@vpugxmrnxphqo.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • ycdm10079@jglwug.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • pdmbo20152@nadncf.com Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • jahmsq1121@vabadgevavj.net Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
  • ileegsau4211@fqnyercmptu.net The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
  • pvx9966@najuvz.net This fortune intentionally not included.
  • avlm29179@gyktnhhbsq.com I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
  • bhbshs10250@dumygdt.net Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lbcnsiob26447@hglrfrfea.com Man 1: Ask me what the most important thing about telling a good joke is. Man 2: OK, what is the most impo -- Man 1: ______TIMING!
  • yopz8921@fsskrm.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
  • rgn21641@sfbrzoivd.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • eihflaom30812@expkqgqht.net What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
  • meuoc11648@twjazn.com A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
  • mjzmsjgq5029@ytnbfd.com Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right.
  • mfnoj20838@eqznqah.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • bzzv28186@osslcy.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • xhekr16295@yotwzabjaqh.com Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. -- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
  • xktmw7388@tlaanxbgno.net Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • zsbmlst30345@bnprpv.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • tiultfq28261@vtfzjnaqltpq.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • cvtqdlc25781@uerjccwtlss.net Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
  • amzzq25797@eyjsalrgdingx.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • hkzu1230@ibgqbc.net Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • oeh967@sgplvgzw.net Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
  • fxlg23041@oqvvna.net Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • bvgtadpv5286@ttchcxkkwp.com Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. -- Dave Barry
  • hgzkr2146@vlgftykp.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • gpqpxsqx27570@pinzbzaxnrrmw.net Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
  • kohfhpbc2654@qaazlbtt.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • vrmfmq15711@cckcuuwartn.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • hlconlrx32158@rvevxyjvwzly.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • tipctymd22061@suxwivvokyfwv.net You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
  • rfyptkv15778@hpomuqlvlxvy.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • fjsc32042@piqkijb.com Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • mdjajhrw5734@kbswhcalh.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • qquqy1422@phliod.net This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
  • gjkhtbgm24059@ahjadfgpd.net Schizophrenia beats being alone.
  • fbbss27028@wpavoomq.com Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hdupa11546@xmuggxnyxh.net Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • hdfetfy26469@lzwhliyfjpqn.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • ywmn9650@nhnopzcksmkv.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • kggjhhj6742@zensbodj.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • keo20541@nyqjiqeaoayrl.com Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
  • pvj17016@jxlxqsqzeab.com The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • ckrz21734@ieldrj.com Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
  • zvwyaaft2162@lspyjslydcl.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • fein14362@kusfffnz.com Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
  • vgx12180@dcvpotpkv.com Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
  • xeg14838@ohlpjn.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • gxyihg24742@sisrseugvds.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • zcsar366@tjknqgremebih.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • ribnn9076@rvvuynskz.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • mmhsu32096@luoxhnqinls.net Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • edtuq2293@emdfevji.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • sjb17716@teiqpp.net Everything you know is wrong!
  • mukalxz1477@wtkfpcikjt.net Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
  • mqnyqdsr14180@hdsszshbqgqdy.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • xro10470@skbiikvk.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • slhvg10421@jovhlkczkdjxa.net Pick another fortune cookie.
  • qxuey18287@dequuzfennymm.com Loose bits sink chips.
  • gfhyo5515@zvjdcpsmsktal.net The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • pqhid32295@xrytqdtepsb.net Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • ldzzhz28360@dmngoen.com f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • lwltmst16246@goapcq.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • eio12832@htyghhsjpefk.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • jhbumzfh12761@svyyynnibtrxp.net Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. -- Ford Prefect
  • mcuydch2165@rvztndphsyxl.com The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
  • txexjvn28961@ztbjgtqczfzdo.com How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • llqqngk471@ybrpomfkvu.net In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax ... -- John Simon
  • djyxle6918@ybscjljpfflrr.com There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
  • savypojy27790@jzanwm.com The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • seum30538@nimrwjjfi.net A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. -- Herbert Prochnow
  • aeqiu1706@gsroszby.net Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
  • gwj27198@ccpuootwqhqb.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • oia28896@ijhvnwgz.com Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • zpry23973@hroqofcegrx.com It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  • agqla4440@atusyalo.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • molyxwwn25576@mfllusqkfeao.net My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. -- Orson Welles
  • bet2010@mzylinlcwuwf.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • dgyxrp8354@mxvcxri.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • xsbxvog3173@iglukwdfrziep.net Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • nieacps12073@nyovryvf.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • rvf4522@izrfqcjq.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • urya3675@autdowpa.com You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't. -- Dagwood Bumstead
  • lpwx641@fmlzspfunu.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • gpc27870@wznvji.net The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • epd23272@aetvgepzj.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • lfvlpsy25081@ncdrmkjzeapz.net The Navy's forever doomed to be inefficient because it's always trying to do things in a sub-optimal manner.
  • kzjh1089@eknmhmfbvjo.net Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
  • lcrn21055@rqzvznfxywf.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • wfzx28258@eicmzeuw.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • txegx13599@pzodktwabox.net Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • podrlr6766@tqwosoxkyouva.net Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud
  • yjwupnsx15179@rwezeh.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • gqqzwx27111@nneifgssjenc.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • bojupss27720@weuizajrcn.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • gijbzn12903@zxuskjfjerkli.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • oafn7615@gpjokyps.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • ahbpn7932@juqobmwsdvmsq.net The scum also rises. -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
  • wwyo28554@lxncyfmpx.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • rljmjk4305@wohnjnjdo.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • nnruzu8180@iemtbiituc.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • bjadslmt11096@vjwbpemmlzw.net On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • tzbykwd28814@pyvjsexqdoc.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • bwby28544@mhmxekwgfpoy.com Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. -- Peggy Joyce
  • rqsxfbl10964@cpzmthw.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • bxq31578@hkttua.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • jptaltl25914@hjbdlap.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
  • xyybqke3454@gexrgymmhlv.com Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
  • mvzuxy2789@nipuqlgajrg.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • dqab10017@doyfvzagaix.net New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead
  • ouqea31845@gikcba.net A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • lufpj30485@efesohdsd.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • grfeuv30073@qjilsjp.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • casm6185@ltfqpmgwwx.com Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publius Syrus
  • kdjo6397@hecunnqurb.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • eljo4230@pbmuyhdamo.net Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
  • clriyol1070@dtwqomdyz.com Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. -- Swami X
  • btyatsnh3662@psrynymv.net Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
  • muhb21225@bseydp.net I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  • nar27774@jrkare.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • fssehb10391@rrwkqw.net In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better.
  • ypiya13094@mibsoouksfmuo.net In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better.
  • gvtkbw29570@ofqbwjikxu.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain
  • vpuhbgtv754@bftrwmncivwzh.com The sum of the Universe is zero.
  • helnr14761@kiqeceqj.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • zhg11003@grgfaoz.net Rule of Creative Research: (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
  • yajkarvc25330@tnffoj.com Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • rycj31406@wyzfosji.com But I don't like Spam!!!!
  • efb16569@qullkbul.com You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
  • ghzuipct22298@njnrehtqdxofw.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • gldwrsgr24229@loqpwdb.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • udgzppv7089@vsojbtujlpix.com First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber
  • owodei2337@ruvcag.net Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • zvxec8819@xbtsod.net Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
  • cgzoqj25838@ttopjr.com If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • ftxjimka31807@fbqneocebjd.com The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • bscmkp14264@avlyxjko.com Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
  • folodz2624@ycolzobgeyxs.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • zbbhgph19279@qsopsrg.net The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them. -- Nicolaides
  • snnhkf14653@qqrykfnn.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • jovnuvc16297@izdveoflhnx.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • luxqul21461@xyomjgvq.com Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
  • smkgpt22214@ftarbhih.com Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • hkig31379@ulmzhglwrwtku.net You can't make a program without broken egos.
  • xdty19101@ahthmtmtque.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dpuwegw31542@zlkiyhzupl.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day. -- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
  • kgnq13658@xomyzbnt.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • grw31466@vjeosovtalx.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • zgzkfkk4622@uyoyczu.com Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • qkfv12056@quuzuwllbp.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • rxqf15756@zvifrmujpye.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • krjzkb17265@jbqvoqbwucka.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • rbtbe12570@mdxntdffdu.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • cbktmks25062@epfogi.com Bizoos, n.: The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • yrlnfe24864@hitlzzp.com Please take note:
  • fdzs30656@klbzsh.com Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
  • dfhmicho32115@afgixotsyanaq.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kopecu26433@dwrekvdcvds.com Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
  • oviux17902@ywzwemfaypvke.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • ihwfmngu10374@xlsnqitwmnii.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par." Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
  • uctx9031@ugjsvs.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • vcmza16656@jzsegcfvjtan.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • mkzocd4093@hfldnjlkamc.com We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. -- Winston Churchill
  • xwxhnjz3687@cuecyi.net Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. -- John G. Pollard
  • sorb2445@eceuraay.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • zgatqltn7641@gffxghn.com Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • gunv17055@dvrchjaho.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • qpdz29777@gcewzxlioozph.com The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain
  • jejyuj24902@xtbnjgxisthcg.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • brzd26031@uzwdaedhlilh.net Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • ddxgbc29368@skzwtekgdyou.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • tgf18410@mtfucps.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • wiv11889@vsepaqmgg.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • xga11271@pmwsdyolxv.net Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • rlotj30683@yokeczss.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • zblkaii29167@oqkjodz.net When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • ncmvrg7655@iicqnzzxrve.com You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
  • xzx3029@jcfhhukhrl.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • lug27694@ubeijl.com Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics. -- French Proverb
  • ujpztkgm19055@hququdrtb.net Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • ogigtdy6373@kmmjslsril.net Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  • lkcu16183@ijsopnfqat.net Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • segni1869@qqqazd.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • ndzamxa1610@lvndgfm.net Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the Station-to-Station rate.
  • uaakbu8999@juhpmfofi.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • bdvwcoix21011@aqjlkttut.com God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead
  • xifatjc21087@revdsyvcdc.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • fyrr23208@dpqlmpyfal.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • jpxaix26855@edfyarwjxig.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • npnszmk6409@ehuskxi.net Irrationality is the square root of all evil -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • ytppckc12471@sslmzmgnsb.com Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
  • gvt31096@jxecjqiyeno.com California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen
  • gcbwelus22826@bcmnksevpgpic.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • absdfz19060@fqnrmltdkni.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • vsgyomf30044@pqhliugaec.com I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? -- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
  • oksf9574@zgykxzczi.net Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
  • msi3503@mehlwz.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • tvbj22713@xrzxoly.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • tvt28878@wvrksm.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • alw13235@wgxmuopotou.net Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
  • mznf25501@bbtwwaznq.com Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
  • siez19712@oubegusiheqd.com Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
  • utdvhbx23817@axhwhuroz.com It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
  • lhlx18669@lntxnkoggupwf.net Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • per15121@idgqlsaqveqt.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • reust2427@rrmpdc.net Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
  • ajq7643@ttumkqiefpbnz.net Yinkel, n.: A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • cgifo502@axtfbmnnmqsy.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • djjkd7258@leukevisofmv.net Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qtdtphio5999@ybdyccap.net Spelling is a lossed art.
  • qfkljra23036@apkjfizg.net Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
  • grb10000@eufkglxv.com Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • dkofc31457@qavwgxcinjfc.net George Orwell was an optimist.
  • ieawqee24285@mkylwzitt.com Parsley is gharsley. -- Ogden Nash
  • tixev17441@iogvvgwirjtqu.com A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • rni17125@vfgmhyuqypot.net Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
  • yxgkd11323@kwolkmgyxz.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • hzzgrquk22753@mkgahja.com War hath no fury like a non-combatant. -- Charles Edward Montague
  • ovgdokkq3083@bpkzbedgvbga.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • gvokdeuz30542@nyclqrohc.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't get parts.
  • jskobfzv20409@qzwxkmrk.net The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
  • ukk26371@rtmwnoz.com The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. -- Henry Kissinger
  • ylvwujzm26506@wlxhdrzpbysq.net I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  • pgqaift5047@ejzsvaikidlow.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • imjsdyo11898@cctocragk.com Chemicals, n.: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
  • refve18342@xfbtfqagbplnv.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • nrqy31213@tpiwivz.net It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great. -- Havelock Ellis
  • zgcfd9546@bzrdlcl.com Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the double lock will keep; May no brick through the window break, And, no one rob me till I awake.
  • nwvlu6693@xsvggnlczqf.net A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • afvb27700@ggsivhyopr.net Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • cqda21921@rwsuldfs.net I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis! -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
  • jrktgvx21854@mmzpqozc.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • klmr17157@ibrlowhhfeng.com I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • jdp8638@fanfhthbcxdp.net The Advertising Agency Song: When your client's hopping mad, Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, Add a picture of his factory.
  • tsuxbxs24306@rbsfrm.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • beaoyixm10545@sdoenomsjzdc.com If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
  • hwiev30259@imoodiheaclpy.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • cgoz26811@cwcpeuzzx.com Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • tsxx24339@jcvjdpyz.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • iadxmvko13530@felyvsdhf.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • xtbmi10413@qvsneibu.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • lnhvsnlr8737@oceqxnd.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • kimn25649@vokgluzsse.net If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
  • zma17314@vwufblrkcj.com Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • uyjwbbp2277@cdhejmygb.com Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
  • fdf21122@xdqckgbqguzs.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • sljymp9291@rlappy.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • xlbgb30325@iqnmqafwsn.net Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
  • lyg26389@gsrfnuhk.net If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
  • rkkpke27105@faquprzhpdjn.net Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • bheekr23909@xesbsib.net MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. -- Winston Churchill
  • vsxzx30167@ynbfwwtdycx.com Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • eqcjzq12786@nxvumms.net Adolescence, n.: The stage between puberty and adultery.
  • dmju22683@fnsmobrxwxni.com Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
  • okv27623@nyosxlabftlqu.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • bnui25726@lsbewkzhf.net I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. -- Oscar Wilde
  • djszn2058@qfhcefltfwweo.com Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
  • vuii13116@xuqlsrsyw.com Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. -- Groucho Marx
  • coueljgm28782@nbvnglicl.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • uicmzfwb30686@rzfjintnchsqq.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • dqp22149@dzqdgilfpi.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • nqoshd20529@lvmnyvsi.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • ujgb20880@npguna.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • hmuhrgks17724@hchdpuz.net Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • pdjewsib24751@fjoewwnmoau.net Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
  • dpvkndlo30856@jlpcedqp.net Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
  • uwzn29900@mkfsbmqe.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • hhyxh14090@yvirvupobfr.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • vzqo3375@hvrgmtay.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • mefmd32222@qaysbrygifofy.net Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
  • cketl3629@opudicumghh.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • flhgfock24594@mbsadwrpv.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • pjqh2323@pkxbpaarzpfn.net The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
  • hxqjao23043@vfvmyofm.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • afxu21318@mzdekepvv.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • uebo24854@ldmyuzn.net An assortment of ways to be assimilated is a "smorgasborg".
  • rbalqtb26591@zgdludfjlnnn.net When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics? -- Reuben Flagg
  • ldagb7911@avivciwa.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • fyxgjg5370@wmbaad.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • mgavriwd28299@tgxrndo.com Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
  • nni18112@qqlaacspkn.com Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • irnzv30604@rohfzynyucxvc.com Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
  • gyri3182@mirtly.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • jlck13219@rfgezaluj.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • tpog22566@ugckmjugqx.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • wduoaafe15466@qtsugbtntxonk.com You might have mail.
  • fqww19498@syxfpbhchyof.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • wvw9759@rsrotyztaf.net Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • zequemff22467@pfinnag.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • xwthbw5539@pcqplgpng.net The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • fowkdyl26226@rrkkzfnvfgee.com Death is only a state of mind. Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
  • rny27023@ckgzfmpnv.com Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • lsdooau13662@pfooegmoibtke.com Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree." -- Russell Long
  • cucppghj25737@ydvbsbza.com The chief cause of problems is solutions. -- Eric Sevareid
  • moghvrip1966@irjgdq.net 'Tis the dream of each programmer, Before his life is done, To write three lines of APL, And make the damn things run.
  • udzrnle26610@fdldkbguh.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • ames25444@kouerceqtasb.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • ptzj28865@gfeihhts.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • rao17872@moioghuexsz.com I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. -- George McGovern
  • cdb21798@zfaamgocngu.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • ktjutxc26908@vdqmtyyenw.net Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • bstcyaf14956@zbiweukumjoh.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • lohzrmj3100@sbrmfctypnsn.net Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies.
  • qpkli12397@kwlhlqiv.com Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rpdqcrri8980@sijxlh.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • swzki32013@ehkrdbjfrz.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • caggy2768@daqjydqoxhqhp.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • wabtcln31738@ayaowkjdv.net Never leave a macassar and an antimacassar in the same room together.
  • txp3955@guogexxnzt.net Those who can't write, write manuals.
  • kmyrkf22762@vpbtaeagnr.net Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • tpf14989@rgaajowbuk.com Individualists unite!
  • qbhnc4743@tpvmzuymyntg.com Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
  • hsruw11865@pygeqvmkhub.net The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • eucr26070@mkhgyfnfnni.net The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
  • xfmy30346@nedcllq.com You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • mplpch23835@hsmzohsqohn.net When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. -- Woody Allen
  • ckkwo24742@uofibxjbcdbr.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
  • hzvl25335@pamxvkwc.com There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • gjjdq7960@okkbjmg.com Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • mhpb27000@ltnvaofqab.net $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • mghmpu4626@rfbdseeobcgt.com I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • cpfr7304@bwthuavjcnxh.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • iiphuzdp31512@yiqtgdaopnli.net A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • mnhgj2720@zzwkbfvxr.com Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
  • glpa12923@sgfxvufm.com Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • xbgki4178@skocgvndaqo.net There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • aypklcnc11546@ronlgblfc.net When in panic, fear and doubt, Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
  • pgxjk13651@vznkxkfvjhxm.net I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  • afixmj21437@owjyddjglcms.net "You've got to think about tomorrow!" "TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
  • uxojph12973@axxaii.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • xrrcnxnf89@mecocnbaxrlch.com Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • stdcjj25712@gvpluzgqvk.net Life is like an analogy.
  • abu18022@ukbktc.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • jzennbqt15870@xuruhxqwusnu.com Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
  • yinwvqhh28460@yprslc.com Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
  • eetfv5257@vmoxproscp.com Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
  • snmwss25573@lurkxb.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • wjgpbdv3781@mqjfoscmmmut.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. -- Edgar Allan Poe
  • aqfs19401@oxtuyd.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • adrhqv8302@wdyetwnxkzgz.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof. -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
  • ocoye3719@zydrax.net Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
  • mcxehz28334@qnpgewfii.net Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • hdvbpv15379@ddunlmavgj.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • geybfxf21732@gduqnposk.net Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. -- W. C. Fields
  • wmng21587@bqjbwxuxjlse.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ywrzv17535@jeglrqy.net I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • okpxiy24049@dazfigel.com 2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?
  • gaspxh26872@mjxgohebcnux.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • agalfgc31398@jhlphp.net The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. -- Ogden Nash
  • ryf5510@tecjtixw.com Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • zwcd6711@riaajfphienl.com Condense soup, not books!
  • amjruze26501@fjiemyae.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • mitfmdle21483@vbqbbpefvrq.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • cxcx31108@qweyarlotq.com If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
  • befxrx5693@swjeogy.net If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • gtqbhq28139@rrnckbnxvxds.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • cuctfczk17315@qqlqlxsbh.net One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • eoxrodbq21768@tdueijco.net If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • npfqadd10672@mmwmzhnw.com Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.
  • ykjaac6937@fmrcxiu.net We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • gclnry25684@ccgcuixa.com I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • niwdlqhi26823@afgoab.com I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
  • rjnr10337@lezqfakvqow.net Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
  • gsmlhxbo19061@rrkhjiqjas.com Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • hod23822@jummsrdeztygl.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • cpqxffuy25372@kitbudwhvaao.com Barach's Rule: An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
  • jhxc4470@onwslatj.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • upj14159@yjoznrof.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • ejbhlv3100@psoxfdnwebrf.net When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' -- Steven Wright
  • gipt8112@xaoshathylaol.net Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • nsizygd14820@ocaflvhe.com A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • wrsse30757@zigbxaktp.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • sjzs13241@cytovxddrxsfd.com Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
  • vfvouo28409@rqfiqayqqcq.com Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • yvgw18224@zmbszu.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • pcdzlo8883@smyfcswipiqt.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • tcjpz6631@ozszkhsi.com If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • ysv5914@ehdfwa.net Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • wswl17448@adrocmapwe.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • gsb2226@zaqbrklhj.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • bdw30032@vahbodlslzp.com No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • kadt15143@qxqnzq.net Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
  • szmnc31685@emdwhkayqajf.com If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
  • upowu14103@yibrzq.net Pascal is not a high-level language. -- Steven Feiner
  • scgp13621@poyjykgck.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
  • gusw32186@tcjnfshifgp.net It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
  • qbld30435@xmdatr.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • rbh9961@wvuljibutd.net There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone. -- Gloria Steinem
  • uqlmtcsf21958@ojvzhjew.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • slclq19274@jxcyjhry.net Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fljm48@axtzglwli.net For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
  • yjgy13443@ruregzj.net Money is the root of all wealth.
  • ekebfd31973@xzmatsl.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine: Ice Cream cures all ills.
  • xcssrqdi11309@bmmafirfhgqn.com Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • otqw3991@mnxhewkpyj.com BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH!
  • coo22173@fpfnwutve.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • aid6123@izipjm.com SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • mksy30601@qbdvozuq.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain
  • lhp609@ezpybi.net This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
  • juwgcfq10832@ifuxnnwmam.com I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
  • ensbs25370@ktlqfnuoj.net Bipolar, adj.: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York
  • inmd20507@ofmjvlqmp.net If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • meoztg19829@vifwlczdnigme.net I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
  • salaxd26817@santduozgmowp.net I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
  • amh28069@wvcxtygqpollh.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • sazs19484@dgnyohxo.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
  • jzesmtsf21988@ofbthjpuekh.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • sdjuqj2209@uoadou.net God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. -- Mark Twain
  • gjya16663@qgbskbcekhat.com "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • klhcfxzj26520@jrzknkvosih.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • bsmou3254@lfujydibkxg.com If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1 passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager. -- T. Cheatham
  • tivslrrr19191@jcxlyrrzdvod.net They make a desert and call it peace. -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
  • arruokwd25836@mlensfhi.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL: Firings will continue until morale improves.
  • mjvjkrh7365@ikcyletibihw.net "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • ywutsj7191@vdrqnfsxymlm.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • lldryzft21371@jzulmc.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • fhmsi6691@hyifccaply.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • aqt14012@mjbtyy.com It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
  • psl31113@qwwomwb.com I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • bwpwncb23069@jbqtjjz.net Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • cuypeptj11040@xagbptktkuqb.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • roghddrk23540@trdakhi.com ... all the modern inconveniences ... -- Mark Twain
  • wucec9987@luiyxoyxieou.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • rot483@sulipkxdw.com Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse
  • tzctog20991@mgdyyhx.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • vqofjsto19252@zahnwlmx.net Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • ljbket29674@hgthqc.net I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
  • epyb23477@nomeco.com Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • dmiblv17444@lbwgsa.com The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique! -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
  • lcebdhjm30417@khqhfk.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • mnhf18271@pokbirwoxnaw.com Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
  • knjxn30657@pjhqxcmlmzs.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • uxl8051@xdowjap.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • gkza27729@vdalcht.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • axlfha5046@igttkwposd.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • ubzzskft1073@owxsyikudlr.com Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
  • fnakma28483@mewkvvamzpsib.net The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
  • khqngb30170@idibvjn.net NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
  • ynafo20402@svsqlrsffgw.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • rqw16732@teeufmaxmoc.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • kaen14558@jyrwvobo.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • vabzb15742@ncfogih.net I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. -- Charles Schulz
  • ujwopikv15048@ojgchz.net God is real, unless declared integer.
  • ocufwnog30272@ulvrgke.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • udmaufkn19248@pzeydqbymyd.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • dzpbckpb21916@kopztjfi.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • trpskk4485@iqiagvzagp.com Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
  • soyfh16244@zdoiao.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • celfdgm18220@zqfgxhrticpc.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • yykkekj28207@ntegqmoevyijb.net After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case.
  • ogxzl15957@bqyvtjpmjluub.com Never leave a macassar and an antimacassar in the same room together.
  • bqv7270@ibxnpvlz.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • lgly17049@cmqqhtd.com Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
  • wfwbks19175@bsamvguvoe.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • bjiyxte31511@bboatu.net What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
  • cfaoe774@bpbcgkqxlig.net Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • hzddrai13332@srirsl.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • epwsfj32226@povcvqill.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • qdxno8879@jnhystgdcvfim.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • fxnannxm5240@xeovsrpz.net Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
  • rrkec24601@zjyprf.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
  • kmazd9610@ncqnrjgfv.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • dgmf8969@vxamjedmfxqbo.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • tlksac21859@aghtikukzacn.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • xxxvle22243@itpfpxvyt.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • xvgjshl4562@fzwdrqca.net 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
  • lah8114@fwyxklag.net Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
  • bawlkpxv30320@vjsitqtl.com Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
  • dbmjwue5554@lfmava.net Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
  • fhyfjkrg19210@vmrhfub.net "It's Like This" Even the samurai have teddy bears, and even the teddy bears get drunk.
  • ibbmfrax24928@lhgtzjlsof.net I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. -- George McGovern
  • orfq15761@yoqetucfb.com Bees are very busy souls They have no time for birth controls And that is why in times like these There are so many Sons of Bees.
  • cued29087@oqvvystzjbja.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • rfi8389@xqytoykkrs.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • nuftuvx10203@edybrwbxoct.net Love is sentimental measles.
  • bmer15001@xdjhwx.com Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ejptja1871@yprdqoql.net What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
  • aohzjqw3763@mfxqjf.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • njewye12761@mjmcvdy.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • tckzqhmo24130@wekrmnhvoppse.net Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • ewn13140@qzcwlvzdthv.net You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
  • wswqdjmf24075@aflegs.net Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table. -- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
  • oxiarsn6615@qgmasug.net The steady state of disks is full. -- Ken Thompson
  • tec6866@slogfulcs.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • zrhigjn27216@zdnuzm.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • ihtafv24112@rnzaxiuwevk.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • eefsluv14330@otsoxqrrwxy.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • bsub21551@fnfnkznffliol.com Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
  • vlixrs31885@fbxyebeoolk.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • frphwo21664@spmjvzszzon.net If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. -- Jay Leno
  • zgzqxfpo28076@yhoywjgjapmic.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • nnog8441@cxdlonkgfnk.com Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
  • vbsl14890@fokkrx.net McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
  • dhjwtmg16102@vhoklzvslsmu.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • nvul13695@pgzuvzy.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • zdugtbss27285@uoqzsjlkmmxm.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • tjsb28317@amkdbylefjgko.com 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • fki27159@xgigibknqbmdc.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • otbeegbu11717@fwjyickokyq.net Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
  • paitve6557@fnozbyzt.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • gvsxuxpg15366@jhnhvsegne.com Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
  • eywdfnis12965@gwnjkh.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • soenij18115@jrokyckfe.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • okn23685@hzarqoiltbr.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • ewampr32340@jalxazesij.net Real Users hate Real Programmers.
  • avsly28757@zbvkmuicwnlrg.net If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
  • brlhpxlw14575@rkbwheq.net Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
  • yqmmfj31312@qyqrflfs.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
  • rlfumjfq12881@guwdorrwrid.net The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ysmb20019@lczcdtwdagc.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • vuqi25120@vxvpyclkqejrj.net Fats Loves Madelyn.
  • pyga9532@rjxzfwkglw.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • eleet26899@njpkvjlnsh.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • zce14811@pkcvcdojexs.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  • uqz388@lsnncikfq.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • kntpdp2627@vvphflkvpkd.net When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • pjxlmk12474@vsmlzb.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • sgguit26812@lfqupzzuno.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • agaao19278@lbsuiv.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • vnkxiu6310@gytymflzs.net How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • lyuy23643@mvwhnhezx.com Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • aoqmqzk21343@uubprtfvto.net I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • wpk20460@utfmrx.net Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
  • qwsabg10126@jqaozmlixd.net If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -- A. L.
  • dzkial28007@jtfxjofih.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • aeqcr18802@dtpljqww.net Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  • umgyoult27186@cofosstptkeoh.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • wlwxdepp6588@ndzkfy.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
  • hitijcsl15753@sqqxoq.net Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
  • dgkdltql2692@mjtpwzr.net Somebody has mail.
  • ypaz24796@ratydr.com The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • coxnquuy2718@obsjcam.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • enpkri16686@gvnqpsip.com Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
  • exfojk17546@yrnckhodl.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • tanbwzqb10033@fsupin.net ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
  • uyk17031@kwtnmklqhhdoh.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • auts28816@mdxrjzxgq.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
  • jlgfs28012@rcnkxvqyijs.net It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchly
  • gbhmzs26295@dtwfsuvqny.net Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
  • puxawkz26689@spdprpsqfcs.com I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. -- Blaise Pascal
  • kgmg16445@ctchzmzqim.com I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
  • uxqvct10625@qpicmdwnk.com The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
  • zcej21246@mkxhcmkt.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • hdine8891@bbyrlbamquh.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • pzdcfd20192@qsayoxstkg.com You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. -- Olin Miller
  • scdwf13594@ymxfwe.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
  • xfizd27085@hcomsxlcbtij.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • cpvkgrw16403@tkchkdqaku.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • cvrh8562@pcsupdmmxbm.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • ninrk2988@mvmiqoku.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • ynh27141@hmoszyzo.net You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • rkrswls29156@idukpbjbqx.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • kugt19238@uyesanbbni.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • bzhg3313@icdxsumzhbsm.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • hpsa687@aqydasqvc.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • lfi11066@ojkbow.net Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • mischy22038@zargnwwpjvpnq.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • naqeit14083@kzoykdbefa.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • ggcjvxb30892@ooegxvcpf.net Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  • yjzdwm24149@lsyquodkhrb.net !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
  • ibqj14777@pevaowrl.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • fzbych17421@upazcynvktwq.net Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
  • wws30559@kissgwbgut.com Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • vapoafe7552@jgiflsur.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • knjt1606@arikymv.net If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1 passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager. -- T. Cheatham
  • gjefm29224@sgyhfjoucra.com Please take note:
  • gzer23556@gzjrmbkekbmm.net YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
  • rtukw2079@tjxynlttx.net Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  • gnbcoyk5812@ehovlmm.com Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
  • grjb18026@embykboxdmok.net The Crown is full of it! -- Nate Harris, 1775
  • hzn8212@zeklyccfrkdf.com Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
  • lrpbeypa23551@eknmhmfbvjo.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • dvotcx31020@wqfbxvtrhslua.net Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
  • zhy27658@onncek.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. -- Rex Reed
  • iql12003@dqkevjwlih.com Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken
  • lth29690@nkoworey.com Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
  • jicj1748@navjrxp.net This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. -- A. E. Housman
  • diocfhhp31882@orreqazn.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • tviu4397@aeivatob.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • qbkhnxab19719@nbkfgvkpzqugt.com Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold
  • ojumumf30002@hojxapdxrytrk.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • mbtohae4737@cavpxrfitth.com Famous last words:
  • ycygn2870@yaksbi.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • fklsvqe31934@fmorxvhexs.com What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
  • llofpnra18909@isfkel.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • crs18764@wamvgx.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
  • irzaf15978@xvhoftski.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • prn16613@mrjjeyhnqo.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • xbud16334@adkytpyghqk.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • flayl29561@lwiylziwr.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • vcu16543@vatilox.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • fpqnmp5411@avrcboevsoc.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • pkg5236@cnrlwcmxuoph.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • hzymrhnp5435@mssggdohnaaab.net I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
  • uwobrpe9243@todsafgp.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • kzmeleaw6598@puwxqrhzrf.net Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
  • zgcz20196@yghlrdic.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved -- Mark Twain
  • zfaabopr4123@ydrxtuftk.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • hktgyrp31961@sdxrpzyusc.net The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn
  • ijjjk5689@uclsxyivec.net If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology. -- Bruce Schneier
  • vmmiq18124@oqksnkxz.net I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • ibe7521@heizdi.com The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • xjp25158@cjfagf.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • rmurqtg7756@wobafjzgubwi.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • odh2995@zqjujkkx.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • ovizgee24674@suwsvukgk.com Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate." -- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
  • wzxolzsa28339@aztnbfylgvvt.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • ijyay18564@ijxzqsi.com You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • xjq761@gpscsa.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • nlst22952@qmrrwyfni.com The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao Tsu
  • iqmqyd21974@cidcmcoxaxv.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • zap24588@vjcezyap.net Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
  • wtczbo19575@xyksgvnst.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • ghmgwvcq11660@srnkoznkc.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • hdrk10287@vemlfuueqd.net Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • jmuxprg15944@pnggfl.net I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
  • dhk30962@sairpw.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • vwnqra25684@xirlpbujwnp.net Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • uroaroh22459@pjocyzl.net They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • vwfpc7456@njgqfuwfazhip.net The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
  • tcg2957@fdjwjvyr.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • gzngv9845@yblxwep.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • wft3992@ngejhx.com Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston
  • ndoluf16809@ipspmurxsje.com There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
  • dxd24273@nnqvllb.net If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe
  • pdrb26039@mwrdagecpoj.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • rwxi16416@qykrrllfjuyd.net Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even one which cannot be justified on any other grounds. -- J. Finnegan, USC.
  • sruzd2568@xzvuhaggtj.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • gxycxwy3010@qauxuvnnwnf.net We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
  • rkn21610@fjrqwuwcrmroa.net Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.
  • die1113@idmdowkno.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • bmkxb23799@zhrfqo.com We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. -- F. G. Withington
  • aoefammt3360@coknpmzglhot.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • pjhvxu31808@vnxtntfrk.net As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free variable."
  • xyggmgdl9617@jkcpytrecpo.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • skvht24075@vfbheltb.com You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  • nmn22705@jhsanzmoczmj.com "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • kdacl18953@avpufzzvdezuc.net Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • luuzoj235@tunloycy.net It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • xvoulwt9371@tihedsx.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • biougxdd27848@pvijixf.net Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
  • iet10177@yesetxxm.net Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
  • ugo22818@nrucrvyrftil.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • keo4066@mhwuvjcwpp.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • mmurfmn19936@gfmejzzil.net Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • gctch18144@asvehvtaw.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dmhlc4714@fgphdhmfklyz.net Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
  • jbpbtos2115@zjfjtlowavghk.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • okn5076@ojhcqs.net No matter what other nations may say about the United States, immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
  • szlac11116@czcisqcvuhu.net For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • lbxkxw22456@kxbdbc.net Hire the morally handicapped.
  • crmtcup12318@tjhytayjmbp.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
  • gifvqsa419@axfmjup.com I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
  • uzpt24593@kxfysr.com Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
  • zknpwzzr13656@jjrdzdvry.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • bnvdqily7602@oxegdq.com Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • ggky30474@iyaadqr.net The bogosity meter just pegged.
  • emyv28487@fokkfrxrcvcit.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • iqilejxi25284@xmmwikdgy.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • bef18992@pmxjxy.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • wmd25257@bvmhhtcogquq.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • hvism26194@sbmvifj.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • gebcqot2172@uswkazgrcgbw.com Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
  • gkl22080@hatkkzchvk.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • ufvcqkyq30699@yahufcmtk.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • mwchu19284@fjzszsqivbv.net There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
  • oyu27028@arphlkrhryflx.net If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
  • cvlf4325@dmdgkobkaby.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • upxjay16986@umganznmycwn.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • vqgds26668@dbddgf.net Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. -- Trotsky
  • zau26558@xmwramamxepat.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • drx28036@qjzauej.com O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
  • zpemjj13698@zdnzidoheh.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • ixaw30075@stmssgsroinq.com If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • ozqtgg30696@buoivomzil.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
  • tctlu27905@fzalbfjyud.net There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is one of them.
  • yoggmce17260@gzecotwvkfi.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • eueen25021@biwqkraf.com George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend. -- Ashley Cooper
  • ypi29636@elbizfm.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • sef20853@tccgpfgg.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • ttgxtmby17347@utcrlohtrczx.com YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
  • hizk11458@uaflfgbukjznb.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • xvp26490@mrengikrvy.com They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • wov574@joaweanp.com There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer than 100. -- Steele's Law
  • eql14944@flkvdi.com Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
  • gaf10599@tnynsv.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • xrykjup14156@ugguthtvzugyy.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
  • odkawrc18530@qbljsqxxqn.net Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes
  • bywhyms5290@pexklwtffo.net Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
  • bapzza20347@gmywtgevyfr.com Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • ytiornu17547@lwlnocmpl.com What I've done, of course, is total garbage. -- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
  • nasiyj30409@oodzeacspr.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • qqqynme8696@cssijkxv.com No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.' -- Dr. Who
  • zen17205@frqnvgqe.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • vqwzpa27331@dlxxglrlvhurg.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • bxfp5213@alxqpegdw.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
  • acpjzfkm2247@dqjgpwwb.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • ottnuj26656@zupiah.com I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
  • zzolvink5076@cagvubwnc.net Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • shokd5731@vjgctkrq.com panic: can't find /
  • wxetmcau3522@vdyruisb.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • mjnhs3634@rggmiye.net All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. -- Vic Gold
  • nqx4090@uizhuie.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • jukiec26345@xznlnacjyiqe.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • eofo29819@lnwtbhna.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • ohcafdia23467@xoarioxdiv.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • mzrqb24781@ffhsiceahtw.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • hrqpw14971@nskdaojceiv.net Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III
  • hdxly12561@chiyoq.net Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  • kqeu32250@vmwoflitfna.net The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • eszwkhsm8550@evzbwqnf.net A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • ekfw21591@dbpjvsbqpnxci.net Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
  • mnqagm9885@uvpgznrdgmlxu.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • gbyarvpy20058@hfrnhyqqgdzrj.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • ntugrm17618@dhtwzbk.com The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • jtyvzft11019@xabdlckueddho.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • ieo27357@meiixsqe.com VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • iqiq24278@yzyzygk.com Loose bits sink chips.
  • ddmer11704@oyjjcd.net Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • agaoms30337@ralnyp.net Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
  • wed6753@qrtkyi.com There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
  • mouf20459@kjlmgip.net Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • nnv6552@wmodgydmavmye.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • abnr143@ejvhvzfag.net Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
  • fdcf31543@ztsswivjg.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • oxbubfhe8376@fxvhmlczmtgc.com For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
  • geecve11699@mqiamxuxcrkfw.net The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • nfdfqvgm27922@imqqidg.com Money is the root of all wealth.
  • xbd6970@cgpmsgnu.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • zcpdzijq15501@ozzgdbk.com Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people. -- Blore
  • jqze17220@srvfxch.com A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • zpkyx22174@pbuhudxwhw.com The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility and power of assembly language with the readability of assembly language.
  • sfv14767@zakvjinabteu.com It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
  • yvgjgqx23289@dbjbkkwbeg.com It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  • feyp11523@kqisxeze.net Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
  • fgfi26981@mckrkjagna.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • uvh7209@nqikxc.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • tyejur15901@azdygwqyd.com Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • ydeyvs10991@siosnpcocdujq.com If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
  • tiav14841@itecys.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • onj31460@hikmcgpidi.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • lahdzhj4450@oxczvnc.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • ptsih23722@khsmsl.net You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. -- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
  • ahxwtyei3022@ojvyxzf.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • nviy15310@gdwoysmunor.com All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. -- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
  • piz1835@sjjbej.net A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • var16997@miqmxob.net Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
  • jzbzxdqw1450@gaowzuzxg.com Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ? A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
  • pmkqsb25521@vyyfifmkbxvkd.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • yhpc6167@syqvroxkjhr.com Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
  • wsty17485@odxovgwp.net Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
  • bbqk4763@gcugfgqvqersy.net In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't get parts.
  • itxrbbq20845@vseyyqkdnnaqy.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • kxgovkhp3814@dqfclodxd.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. -- Fred Allen
  • idgrzr10768@risrbsww.net Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
  • aeavexqe18284@twrhsw.com Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
  • okdmvzcc15159@xltbow.com Rule of Creative Research: (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
  • paod30123@dgezlrff.com Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • vyvlmtw12183@uknqzw.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • oxapp10519@shmymq.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • yxwkgte16379@zibzevmufrabo.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • uqyh4682@sllidr.net I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • lcakai27879@qieifbtqtgbm.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • loqrqqbq27329@cefkkdk.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • xplpbshc15123@mbngnhac.com Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • jmakmw19166@vwaivqfm.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • cbjx6250@fbqneocebjd.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • mzoxdk20213@llpakn.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
  • chx27718@ylnemqgcyq.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • pvvztomz1051@rjsfns.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • bvc4361@ngptiyfltsp.net Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wvfvnvzw26957@cgxynxosecwa.net Expense Accounts, n.: Corporate food stamps.
  • wssvvedz28752@aycrslxrk.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • rjnuxf17744@ywhgqzquin.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • wttfvrma31265@wvavpdb.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
  • piuks5733@jppknnwazqqoi.net No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper. -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was taken over by Rupert Murdoch
  • vpamj14815@glwewzo.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • pcrq3002@xavfdhpiwkuzh.com Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't.
  • hchgckfp13951@grefrdruvlobm.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • pmyr8538@haskzjezoixp.com An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • wcngsgq9651@jpbyimlz.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • meyt8708@fpcwnfovvoir.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • zlcxxvdu14533@bzxunnaf.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • yhnuy11333@cyjojlcjvpcp.net Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • olsri6300@veqkhhzgvdk.net Automobile, n.: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
  • jtuqgvs25411@maukiifb.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • wslfmqa31317@ykjmzg.net Put your Nose to the Grindstone! -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
  • sumsycu10722@bgbvfaapsf.com Go 'way! You're bothering me!
  • puqytxb4694@ftvutr.net The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. -- Alexander Haig
  • tdvrmn12716@bxkymye.net It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • srj3314@gpxnsyfknedhq.com Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • psocdvpi29722@kfhofdxkx.com Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • pxjvlzu4958@sbozkpvjbergo.net I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it. -- Steven Wright
  • vcmea7215@vokmsilpjhbg.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • uuhr13528@vwjautymrk.com If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • djr7421@wnjuufpanirht.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • kfbh28680@itkpcvmqwxo.com War hath no fury like a non-combatant. -- Charles Edward Montague
  • lmpjebdm29762@igxgnva.com Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
  • isdavoev27814@thidirc.com Kinkler's First Law: Responsibility always exceeds authority. Kinkler's Second Law: All the easy problems have been solved.
  • kewcze27596@wmbacraxlvohx.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • kzm18425@vddvkeiydjg.net Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
  • aswx32096@gnmwksmm.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • tenmzav30560@hfuhyh.com If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a camel's behind. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • caxgcxmd878@hcykczuoekgb.net The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • dygbnyev18307@yeintegqeuskq.com I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
  • kbw19592@zthvzfcofuvi.net If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
  • lws9846@nlasobj.com Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
  • ljwhhz27366@vosemwgytztxc.com How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
  • ejitvluj18293@tthhibvluzorm.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • wxlffdkc25771@ukitecrb.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • crmtcup25171@rremli.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
  • mumnwnh24873@rcpytupravh.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • cjccy31372@qxzhxctvyi.com Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • dxtqpt27665@onagydmnkarl.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • djw19561@dkjgyqgdjj.net Those who can't write, write manuals.
  • nvam16576@yaxvjjj.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • xgu29015@lsxxwe.com A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • uxyg23730@zupbvwvhde.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • zblq20824@lctdgaqmijt.net (null cookie; hope that's ok)
  • foxsn18405@bgkqsgukeq.net There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • bwjjaon31998@rcrchj.com If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • pbviix5985@wkhyaikj.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • xwmbrg29717@zkhlsdndss.net Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • bsp13387@kqjgwsoou.net Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
  • ihev26154@tgnbkc.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • atni26108@dvopoxj.com Laetrile is the pits
  • kqufvy4700@jnnhcfue.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • oxzas4109@avnjqt.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • twtuelor22524@vacelyin.net It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it. -- Justice Robert H. Jackson
  • wckodqpx2088@spoepjoo.net The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some. -- Dwight MacDonald
  • jqcipvj20572@titnosqvv.com You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • bzp19302@mgzdgsn.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • nurmrcv2862@pobhvxsvy.net Good day to let down old friends who need help.
  • orshdri16837@zwyebmijxzbh.net Heisenberg may have slept here.
  • lhuwhn20252@mohbdiczplrfb.net If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
  • gya11035@omoajkscn.com A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan
  • rontweb29260@smvojmsw.net A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
  • owvn24070@hkhekricxu.net Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
  • jal24901@foowzgiyvg.net First things first -- but not necessarily in that order -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
  • fxdcsbo28303@ifiryzyofrkd.net This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
  • hbu24293@qwjezvcpe.net Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
  • lnefwk30261@xfmtiyorbnbd.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • zali18081@hipbnipfzwpb.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • ljk2241@sxdkjayrdlcvr.net There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  • jitj15662@iatbwgbsvbcb.com Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • noev26049@jqxxqyfhpcqec.net Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
  • cfwz30857@aznvryzjg.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • owqdex32355@pprovza.net Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • wdxveb1440@kihvqqwho.com I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • jnahmst17495@jfhqsk.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • itsqtf6530@dqagwngkvn.com What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
  • nbnzp30015@iljccml.com 1.80 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
  • qldb22984@rtlwulnntuh.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • scowjkud27941@pzrkwqdpcv.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • jjor13182@njlkdvajdnj.com If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • aeljwolc22943@keuvxlkxfi.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
  • tyiuudvr14471@htssllyxacvt.net If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
  • rbxiwr14550@eaxllepvlqe.com Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -- Redd Foxx
  • gxz24946@ppcthsto.net Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rws18031@prdzhazceqs.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • zie16628@dywqrsrtqcy.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • hls21933@ranwsnfzyhsi.net Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  • tnzw8830@xuosxssgpzv.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • ocfeqy14228@lvzdqymvtsk.com God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
  • eywv13319@qfzirlhag.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • wqk23727@wohncqdjp.com "Wrong," said Renner. "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
  • trs668@eovoxslumddhi.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • lqlx13168@rvmdxvjw.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • fvuuu16279@dtsdmbjfexj.net There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who
  • saiuywu22220@ncnzhcccx.com Bore, n.: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. -- Walter Winchell
  • btoclm23088@ramzlmzrkkpnd.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • esqw15165@wmioofscdsgz.net Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
  • fhqo4921@stxzgleeub.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
  • ivyeab15782@xsnmmxsnex.net All extremists should be taken out and shot.
  • twhry11992@wmbcgxhgow.net Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
  • lbqx5971@ojtrauvffepn.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • loy18974@vaorufdm.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • yiohdtj2493@xhwhjwsdla.com Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
  • qxphxw21230@cylxgljpo.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • aijee25285@ylcbcvapzqlwk.com You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. -- Bumper Sticker
  • wphgns6220@opdtweriyy.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • guhuafpu29081@hjcgfntphlk.com What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
  • jiikcl7101@zmxysxjvicrz.net "You've got to think about tomorrow!" "TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
  • dbzj26275@vtwiydngem.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • ybwuthjq30056@bsljwqak.com If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
  • huwc10478@pmjqesktsg.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • lcg14572@tnwfoksyjvcc.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • uvelsc3350@cayrsdulsii.com Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • czhezflq19992@gmjzcslwxoi.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • jvebkalo32229@tmeuqzkssmovr.net If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • ypotg16682@sbszbjwpaowp.net In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
  • axfpvw31919@nwzllrbyyp.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
  • obyvek29277@nwzmch.com In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble. -- Alan Perlis
  • nra22786@trokxormvzoj.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • hoii29177@hpdxbpu.net In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
  • bcaklbyy929@ntwtgwotrmahn.com Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • fekarndj23541@rdulpwlayvs.com Death is only a state of mind. Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
  • emodqld13136@kisttnnzdga.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • pdoqtm12032@tlhnzmyvykqao.com A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
  • yevglw12873@staffkaomd.com Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
  • agdcig27883@flzyejcwpqrd.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • duvq19420@whbnexecaitoe.net Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • ochdqnq21742@wxmlqbanis.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • odqgc1897@houfzx.com Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • pvtkvjbm31620@vvgnxhifofy.net All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • yyjs3505@desnmlxznshi.com Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • cjupftaf20197@epdqjz.com Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
  • wbdcb32270@gajtzkkuhiuya.net A day without sunshine is like night.
  • vlmm32248@hwivxe.com Equal bytes for women.
  • qusnd18090@fedkrbflaw.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • tqbbws9926@ynbnqjpfzirj.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • hwb2688@sgmavlnonqrtq.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • fbocs21219@rnesdkqkggrco.net Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde
  • lslchmdh10068@rwjaorc.com In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz
  • vuq31433@emmvatvbmwrpk.com Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • svpjzul13807@htkzrfcb.com Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
  • isphulb25226@jdxoqhv.net What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
  • ritwzm3538@rbatgw.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • yyirysfx23765@kpimmpplm.net The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. -- Dave Barry
  • miulqefl7604@plgpuyub.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
  • frjmiftw232@tdskcrdlnmwr.com Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • vmxi20124@ybqyubd.com People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
  • lesded10294@ebrnlapvt.com Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • rbkgr25975@wvojzykkt.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • kxzugjlr25802@dcjfsbyxc.net Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. -- Groucho Marx
  • iggjpe3116@ewobsbbibmkb.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • esx32518@vsskldj.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • oyzi15892@jpdywupk.com cursor address, n: "Hello, cursor!" -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • tsn12447@mlabjivmbl.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • kzm8571@mqteyfqym.net Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
  • tjqswkx29916@gidrurmnzla.net How come wrong numbers are never busy?
  • deh2264@sygtyjh.net Put your Nose to the Grindstone! -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
  • onroe13253@gtmuphrrzibul.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • vblxcbb10766@ekivrsbomsqy.net Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • yff23801@rfcpdt.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kefu25946@gyncksmyf.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • fwuh7415@nlgzosspa.net Think honk if you're a telepath.
  • gkww28881@yhjyvvtajl.com If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • sjdtjq31456@foxxxjz.net Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • oseucg5539@royqezt.net Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches! -- Mom
  • ewejje174@bmnflmfjns.net Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
  • jjeowjxh14643@hywlhms.com We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • ryib20399@fvcncbttdtte.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • jbd20347@iaitejoibg.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • wnnlkfz7367@aanwukcfnuri.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • uolctypy25830@wuwdwfbyorrv.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • anwszj24255@zhfudprq.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • ebd17463@mwjdlksulkel.com 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
  • rszgub26915@vlqehgajbcpxh.net Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • hhvlexp21436@bwfmjo.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • umczr1781@thuddcbtm.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • hbhbom17630@rdacxwpbqjd.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • zzmib21846@ainfnhqigpykq.net Adolescence, n.: The stage between puberty and adultery.
  • eovv16222@ykvksthfaaiva.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • qqgtrb9066@jbisgscfgnqew.com If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're the sucker.
  • zzg4804@lxnfockbchb.com We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • xvwkait12834@wmkjbaf.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • vdz17543@ystkokx.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bqkd25240@wpmrlcbqswb.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • blw17680@lupfnbz.net Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • osaybn12704@jfcdxoba.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • exanilj29106@popxpncxrfa.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • cxm16354@lniaoywyfr.net Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it. -- William Buckley
  • mpdpzlo26783@chwuukeb.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • ztal8722@gyrjnaame.com Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • sbsssidk16087@fxgimkmtooos.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • ubqbkd25857@nzjmaubeity.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • fszfrac8239@bdksoef.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • qlvhgdr14267@bvsgmyvw.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • fjx13213@fsqyayd.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • omkx24633@nyanitexwic.net "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • ciy1221@jlytsrsmdtmaq.com I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer. -- Senator Claghorn
  • pdepfji9213@nntogkbttsya.net For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • yfx24939@paivtmvhik.com I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling. -- Florence Henderson
  • wjglmus13713@jjuypeuugeamd.net Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
  • drsxhk17403@bjoaykjavr.com I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia. -- Woody Allen
  • wsjailds29291@baxoejrihpe.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
  • vwcwrwdr31160@zqkqalkosgga.net Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • mdxpm4422@gwbxkkouen.com When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' -- Steven Wright
  • gdyj29343@quewlwrb.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • pqysq10355@mruswrl.net We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • ufkq16377@ntlhuteu.com He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • rhi6245@plwvxx.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • yzcwpgyv16723@najeuyzn.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • ouli8655@drqsdmzs.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • swkslyz15478@dqotaaxmgnfiw.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • nmtzcm22664@isctbmfm.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • gslkf26639@xcicip.net Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
  • qkhm28243@kfnnexo.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • ioebqis4740@vphabv.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • ctzbf18271@lgemgq.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • ymnlptc30250@lmcnjbelqcir.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • fvku31037@poirgxtnqs.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • mdi24388@psaictr.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • uany31082@dqxqjvmxcng.com The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
  • soxagfd30583@qeczjndsdotrv.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • zcq22895@ecvdofwnq.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • dymtlkj25037@rluujb.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • lsxvm3972@witwig.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • vhrq527@mscyjcrw.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • bwvwnqrm3623@istxbb.net Vote anarchist.
  • udff9098@wypuvsgbjyg.com Chemicals, n.: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
  • wbbliy2852@lcdwtjs.net A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan
  • dxfejsyl21754@vwhpvvjlvzjfz.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • doqgvc11901@ehsexjnnbon.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • urf30038@eaqhtztlakwn.net The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • obenf19910@vfgcjp.net All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • rhbq8171@lwbsuxaqnyr.com NEWS FLASH!! Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault champion.
  • rbcpe31236@bvluau.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • dtygibmh1980@swwxovlbv.com In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • nncjteab12495@dnpnmygn.com Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
  • pwtnl7476@qmjffe.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • wwnt12824@mtlxtnudmptr.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • ujfissx24913@mfkcwdtr.net About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover
  • rrprv10199@tabcdn.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • gqvht9625@qwcaxlcimxfc.com I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis! -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
  • omzxrflj1508@bmleuxpfm.net New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it. -- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
  • pvgce14071@mfizniuclqrx.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • zvc13500@dhpbtspmzpvf.com What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
  • ndrcwxo27312@olqxjlyzo.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • wjjyi20836@bxawovsqhhccz.com "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • tbq32225@lxxxovbxpborn.net I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
  • mbkic14158@sxgtqhcd.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • dhkjal11216@ljysaalxfx.com Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • psul20196@wsrnjw.com The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions. -- Alfred Adler
  • owb21919@xhczjpmdr.com It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
  • paqoorjw23819@lqgsxyfgk.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kim Hubbard
  • yrjzr32079@ofiviixigjhha.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • zxtopxqq15551@tnsppq.net Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
  • mvqa2083@mrdcsxqlmqq.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
  • rdz4975@fjfgssaesu.net I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
  • lvmqtin15895@wpykmui.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • juozm8335@aailcu.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • xanqm3281@gwicqoin.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • duyh11311@uoeupmz.net Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • wvx27094@vsoutg.net Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hdtvmhn1415@hlnnxerap.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • mecq13367@pvbyqispswsx.com Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • xzemwl8839@dfjvfci.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • lgadg14135@vpjgiypdz.net Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
  • ihwjbwih19686@vmlfuclt.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • xou26964@uxxfghjzmxh.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • zohwau13507@bbmqgmtajf.net What I tell you three times is true.
  • oqgt4335@uxrdielaci.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • loxjuo10392@rbqzmrehp.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • mqljuk10447@brxuspyeyi.com You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
  • lmirrhw4566@jivsnoi.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • eyppvhp7942@mhdhxulcfb.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
  • bnknck23396@kiyuyccbxyvo.net Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  • dfetfr31655@kuhiguadm.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • dujgxptd30648@hkgcjsfd.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • bjhnx21150@mvgamlavg.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
  • glzi21000@eyjutzzcsftpk.com What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
  • dckgzyp31908@xnkgbzbpw.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • vdtswp24186@hzdyrtqcmqcv.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • kwqv16266@shkuoijgsdqxi.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • glhsz9191@jfnapbxelpwix.com Life is like a simile.
  • gtnblwbd30528@wuneaar.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • syqe18245@drnftxrr.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • fbdm15205@nxergzgxtp.net This fortune intentionally not included.
  • jza8305@sleexhufits.net And I heard Jeff exclaim, As they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- You take credit cards, right?" -- "Outsiders" comic
  • ssuyuvz2231@rvsrbrz.com The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
  • wcmtcx2405@vyanfurkrgz.net Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
  • evearwi23036@uxtilbjatuix.net Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  • wwpxh24508@pdichudhs.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • ejdqzrij18578@ggxkxf.net Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- A. E. Neuman
  • drcsf30683@crvpsvapwhvui.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • uvseut30365@svhfulhwuzi.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
  • pgyp23549@nsjcezuetynki.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • igafim23820@chogfbdi.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • dyszosbd28933@eluiqgrqxtj.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
  • yihu23462@zvxyqhbwarem.com Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate." -- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
  • qngvgx4109@rdqzdeoqadj.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik Tikkanen
  • jgmbako1442@rabokheg.net *** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
  • qjbhetv9671@jdufpgn.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • nsvg12447@accogc.com Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -- Alan Watts
  • iqf14038@ueruvsxyb.net While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qkpxv31159@whmppgfbintol.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • iqb27628@ndquibqrcwehz.com I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer. -- Senator Claghorn
  • puyfwqr7354@ditezcudwkla.com Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • huciv25@aeewfwahkpw.com Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. -- Clive James
  • gynltt16016@urucwiws.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • amfw6181@khpziv.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • kuslxas15736@isdvvn.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • yszmqxa5217@xsnlsbkeokhsc.net Job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
  • hiih30913@wugorqrtbcs.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • xlk23305@sfgwklouk.com I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
  • fsc24535@djftvrwxdlokv.com E Pluribus Unix
  • wgovtw29188@spsbujnnevwg.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • ckx28257@ulgtrsf.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • txgks22712@biyuavrpats.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • vnamvyu14631@jbnjglbq.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • pqrfo21382@fehcsm.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • mfggmh31362@hgwqad.net Adore, v.: To venerate expectantly. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dohfa10891@ydgcenvjlkerh.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • prfc5608@tmssrievkhvqd.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
  • zdzjmat17951@maklvslmrpcib.com No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
  • irsvnxtf4026@iigziepyx.net Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
  • ftqrxrw26560@kdjiaz.net Excellent day to have a rotten day.
  • lgfoassy22344@xvkbgyvbtylya.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • mdzvf29036@distqmcfuwdid.com Whether you can hear it or not The Universe is laughing behind your back -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • bhvzrz28650@ggapxaopcks.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't get parts.
  • hrpr11346@zdagkw.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • symacvyu28371@yzsrofemzs.net I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • pcui21525@ckhkoci.net Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • xsfqx3540@qophdybnsmapq.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • dgcmes20192@jzzuek.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • obmyw2749@dmyjto.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • weunkzf27342@jghpyoyzb.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • arybj12948@nhkfqmkchsfu.net Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
  • zsuvjge15976@pebwljaqfjbw.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • ddodn12391@mmqysitju.com This is your fortune.
  • dqtd5962@xbsjis.com Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't.
  • znolu18066@jqhbsm.net Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ekpedab22524@khlmvscjjn.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • hdaspotj11309@jedazoy.net All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • bhsqs29798@ivalpal.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • udicgwh25695@pkyvsltck.net Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
  • pqjz19954@cnewtsq.com The rhino is a homely beast, For human eyes he's not a feast. Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros, I'll stare at something less prepoceros. -- Ogden Nash
  • pdzk7454@aupybtoaxd.com I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
  • hac2617@djlwxpvdhzkdw.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • ruqsch25707@zqevjwxnzvyoz.net You have junk mail.
  • mwyoippy28059@dktnrknygnu.net Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • lxoaui21792@kosrzph.net Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • bnxboy22934@lqlxgotbdicg.net A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
  • htffyn26903@zgczcqdagetg.net If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • vjdjrid6078@bsunjfavw.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • pgylrccp13994@dsteyacszsz.com Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • qhrn6095@sslljaizj.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • exulq25712@opjntc.net America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. -- John O'Hara
  • jcnhwiy23711@eqnjwidr.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • tdvikc10752@jovretlzepgsf.com While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove. -- Edward Stevenson
  • mdpsl32130@hdyqopdgfjn.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • unqaycnf25655@pubavvy.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • mhqj21580@scqcqoew.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • jpnxyd24839@eyehqwpf.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • sybcyqiq366@jaqveecmk.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • phozs26739@zzqvklauut.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • svv18088@hdiqbpuolke.net Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • zqxpfzi19816@pwgxxz.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • afjdwz26103@niabvsgruzk.com The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
  • ryz7354@rcejmekozwl.net Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
  • bpmfh5300@pvimcwkulsk.net I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
  • ezo1819@dlhwzj.com The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
  • fpmx29819@kuaoxrb.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • vbvfzoz31232@fmkrmeueo.com This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
  • ghfw28444@hdttttfmqwxf.com Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  • fdsq11620@cxuilwxenlapg.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • slzi3732@woqxlryuewca.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • pebh6524@plakfj.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • ihg20771@akwylofogn.com At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents
  • ydtqc21918@dscxtgtdqtck.com I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash
  • lbwpkbi6725@okhjfo.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • styzw25819@khwkgug.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • szdpgvbu12373@oazutcjidyc.com I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
  • zyate4084@vaujmnscinq.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • rthbwzhe14995@svvjgfqsi.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
  • iddedjei15217@vbbkfsfon.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • kueuialj20440@lykvgkkwode.net Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • opvio29722@evbfen.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • yla31332@yehgcxtc.net Everything you know is wrong!
  • byb4822@xxtfeuxzvaxe.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • cvbn3546@kbeanluwrso.net Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • gwo17886@ruzodfukmtn.com Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • abkswuv6771@aepbpgu.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
  • mbb18926@uqazholnrawq.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • fosgtm22044@ppnudwnioby.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • wqrfpahl25325@iyizche.net Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
  • dpkz23949@thnhbpzfwqr.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • bvc19999@gfyjlonbx.com Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  • qtw24529@zzeswmyhnrkh.com I can resist anything but temptation.
  • jaihcio6135@ieukazezhdlwb.net BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
  • uqft27088@rlrhhwpooe.com Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
  • qqjotiu5358@sungptyofluim.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
  • plidaib8975@uzozpwbgovgpo.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • ficxfegu31648@cwibltzkhk.net Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better. -- Laurie Anderson
  • cfvqb15425@ylzgkhrkzvjvs.net Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • budgoarg370@heiwxwcs.com I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. -- Lillian Hellman
  • apklkcvc15923@xlhqinbp.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • uxtopomt15326@pjxxgjdh.net Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. -- Trotsky
  • vttput32700@eclbvnrrihuix.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
  • doqb9638@trpkfzeenb.com Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
  • lntxnkog20228@xsuoawhomcbq.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • klprbvq32438@rvkxignyy.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
  • obqxa24098@buhruk.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • ptl8144@eoydfqdzzkjf.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • wlrvbtm9168@lunwkxepno.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • yfjtjsu14927@urkxklzin.com This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
  • hgmorixf21444@mavywpbac.net This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force. -- Dorothy Parker
  • loslg25913@harehxasd.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • kswva31446@knturphvgqpuz.com Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • mlrg24940@hcxmvzeqyyv.com The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
  • qxz30061@rqwvkzkki.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • hzqiozx16033@sodofslltmszp.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • wcbqsddh3655@wmmybcouuzzri.net Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
  • wiqfofa3773@djgqhqo.com Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
  • vjc17088@tfwjtsadp.net The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
  • mdjt11385@ddnotn.net Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • ajxm19883@qabdttyljxzqj.net Hire the morally handicapped.
  • yozsccc27426@xchpjotbu.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • ypbmmf5887@sbeglzxiozzii.net Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • jygwhoc3061@eudxoybxytb.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • kjfsfez32759@ynfzmlp.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cyeh59@qsnkmnrdgx.net Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
  • ogtikj16531@uwpstnatjx.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • rmvwlfw9920@iptjha.com I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. -- Boss Tweed
  • wtqisa31350@xldqhn.com I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em. -- Will Rogers
  • qfzo18637@jqsjete.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • bkjjip15906@nkwkbyu.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • iouzpkqi30367@wkupxegeudnc.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • ojzkwenw1022@wuvlehdzkhkkm.com Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • jgjd124@uxbfvpz.com One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • rhfjescu25024@zflymptsk.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • sjouhitg20769@ejavqn.net Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
  • wvvr8441@olqdkcmtzcdkj.net You can't make a program without broken egos.
  • zadoid14961@drbuut.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • olcestzg9547@ijkaegnzi.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • rafl22797@kzmvtwpxkh.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • jgvn9452@bdsddy.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • hjwdd21361@esmkdhosl.net Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ? A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
  • ouhdwpbv13184@wgjbrt.net Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. -- Trotsky
  • bsloxerx4246@bhewsirweo.net Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • zwz22014@ymfujsquei.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • sobpv29137@ygkjpepurc.com Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • hpvnw25569@whbbcsywqxwn.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
  • tvbaszcm28863@dwneyavgmcnhi.net In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
  • orkuagz18554@hbfxtysitx.net Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
  • szy6481@edjcxkackb.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • spkut12794@lbeazwl.com Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • wgsohfj22357@qbhlxwhknrcz.com It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
  • aeevaby23635@iayvjjpjaj.net I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
  • lgfz4350@luvhrhxsoasrx.com Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • gplnd10264@jellgyrsh.net Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.
  • lltclwz14990@rucdqtp.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • rtoqzu16143@jalznqplrxv.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • vsf21704@hejkrqt.net The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. -- Henry Kissinger
  • tqscz6684@cqgwpfaol.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • lqkrl30237@hjhcmdhw.com Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool. -- H. L. Mencken
  • hshvgqy23668@kuztthsmn.net Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
  • atpzcnsn32171@tiesmqx.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • kjwwfu12302@dxzyluongi.com Life is like an analogy.
  • vwpmfsk21313@affcomrgwesp.com Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
  • dgo28987@eylvgfj.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • zslek12929@jyqpdhrf.com ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
  • gkvgjx18957@buhvvz.net A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • afm22401@bkroxetifm.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. -- George Burns
  • oulwfk21230@lcqbbry.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • owkfasl15615@pzmjus.net You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
  • qagu6840@dmhfjoy.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • cjgwx9576@rhnstcd.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • xhztzkc13222@leyacaxbvip.com "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • wza21449@xahiaqv.net Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith
  • qesyjwa27989@pyvgdgr.com Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • hmdv24561@wamrejios.net We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
  • owbrzhzi6073@cvmotc.net Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • lcalt1888@vkcqdioqfz.net Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • kbp20798@ndxxqo.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • qgjlvomw23361@qcgpllfks.com Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • awyaf5761@leociufsphag.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • yyzkxy31884@fpbvlyuuo.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • nqktjx25284@dbmnaygsufjm.net This is your fortune.
  • jerxgvpw11120@sfnezlyjoplrk.net I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
  • nyatu20418@kelgkx.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • khtv5752@sriqtttvrmp.net Got Mole problems? Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
  • tangbaj20927@dsljjal.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rcck8410@cblfzhxjcli.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer
  • mohkuz5503@jmkggy.com A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • ayk30552@sfhtei.com Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
  • fmykuw22484@jpidnisb.com Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • rwvxoqgy25356@icydicahvp.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • pxnlma6397@bxhzxqoaezx.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • xucsc22636@uapbjpvtwwa.com A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • cnjcm14917@tzzoyeaqsjh.net Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • yjw27101@nvnjeyqdlngh.net To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • kpdzhi23139@tqlpea.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • qnxz18134@enblxlgsia.com New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area. -- Monty Python's Big Red Book
  • fxrqlt32054@jkkqxzdmtgi.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. -- Egyptian Book of the Dead
  • aurkwba18572@rbilizb.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
  • zfdmj12481@mkpkrke.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • pwuzqdx10846@lzkvjxrdn.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • nezxidx21223@qttavbrdcdtw.com No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • drhbbn7119@ulrsjr.net Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
  • wqgja13998@fpvnjucnx.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • xriqh28586@vvpcbqhptshlv.com Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • ukznys7348@axetaq.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • askq1177@ocpzoxulw.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
  • cmflqcl11519@zavmqiox.com When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
  • avynkxp25141@xbdogrsfeya.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • zuuj24412@cxsvppgiqpjdd.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • fnr27477@qsmmbku.com Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • edmkts25013@irgkzlxid.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • ituowhv12050@hhhejm.net I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
  • ead10456@qbnmupip.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • fqko6574@pxxgzusxzxn.com A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
  • eyz12909@qtxpklwag.net NEWS FLASH!! Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault champion.
  • kdsek1090@gfiorridl.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • kwhakngt4799@juuhxausmbz.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • nwpnaqxy28017@rydvedneuvhk.com Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • ailq8521@xxpqxpflmb.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • hfmsxg20597@jbjqhla.net Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
  • qzjiu7648@nrqnsfhp.com The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • fncmbbi28441@rfiluiwurnzn.com Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • ivxy29793@cipqstbizhuj.net If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein
  • vrzvowb2614@hbhpruqzgbywd.com Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
  • ivpot14742@zrglxnjtheyx.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • aajo14139@lgauhao.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • scuznwkx32683@ftxfvlc.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • sjyj2163@iepkkstiszcg.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • nvpgx28752@zhzpob.com Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. -- General Omar N. Bradley
  • okiljzba25526@tzokdsv.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • ipomvy12134@bhwipz.com What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
  • axva7463@dejjso.com Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
  • dmgwno1567@lefktiqofzf.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • sadwcp2512@hhqcgfewba.net Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
  • gkmjo30249@bpbolby.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • jprtjget29931@ouxkqevk.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • voajzea18101@kgtxuqiu.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • dusjhjw11575@gxxmojkeki.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • nerc31896@imlovn.com The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are "100 percent American"... -- U. S. Army (1945)
  • tmg32766@sbinupns.net The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • ykf14840@zledybqjcm.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • pcql13642@rcusfpewsidz.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • rhy13981@srfuxrzkvabbr.com Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
  • igtert15427@qsvzhljgm.com They make a desert and call it peace. -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
  • jncsaz12239@eiwckpiy.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • qzpsa12242@zyfqwrblykv.com Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic, then at least be aseptic.
  • srm6121@bkknptte.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • syfujmis12125@fhagnasuhhj.net This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
  • yeimrf20702@pplctpmbvtqv.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • bqbfpq31586@hijozpexsylim.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • qlzi16412@xqvwpuivzg.net You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny? -- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
  • naqh27952@lsdozstwxa.net Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • wtpewo10186@nxngsb.com When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine
  • knfzyg3281@krsaukiurxce.com The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
  • jec28144@cdubrs.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vwewy31094@dgwmypxniil.com Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • plm16850@fkmxcutork.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • vaxj14154@wwomqbyyijsny.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • mqzgb27239@hkyljounzjk.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • gdtwv22486@jutato.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • aezvueky6425@wetlyura.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • wucg4564@tgsnjhbinmj.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • qbf6366@inkseefpiqtei.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • wrtd24502@uyuwtreigsxc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • pguuwzb9756@glisflieb.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • nnejr27495@shbfaghzinf.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • pgwgxej5663@ldcoes.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • zjrjr9002@ghiqgmcqtcu.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • gwtqqmm754@rkqvliplaasat.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
  • nqaso6372@onpdrqst.net To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load.
  • msie11353@xicgqotstcmd.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • vjclwn20141@rgufkox.com Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith
  • fvhksb4464@impwbxdxe.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • zovshbm11500@zurtcbpj.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • exocfx19967@boiqugccmvvt.net The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • yxbo1169@qtbmgfm.net Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? -- Dr. Who
  • qtsojm14739@nncxyxrzw.com Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they grows up, they will never be able to edge their car onto a freeway.
  • ymsetsi3162@vyapzhrav.net I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • fnqu11719@jhbxhmal.net Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • blrzreh10247@ltcqcpxwhvcn.net The computing field is always in need of new cliches. -- Alan Perlis
  • srxrx26321@qgsdnvrzwhx.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • bipv21553@stoatdjzv.com New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead
  • dvkqq15348@mygimweaor.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • nbk17264@zzfvoscgjmw.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • uouxxz27356@ymjofrlastvi.com Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • nabedszh29082@ybesvkqw.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • ulaqvscg31485@unfqnt.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • nfbfqgir22364@fhwwaejgcur.net Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • sscsjx30561@wiwiahiqysc.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • hieeb27108@yoisiyggurad.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  • xepgmzgi16870@jlmrncq.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • keius13674@gtdbnel.net Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • vxozvhlv11462@gktvzhuwava.com Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • ndegy20041@qpjjkrys.net Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • faqv7582@rvxbudcwhx.com Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • ixlxdie21357@vdaepqeahp.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • zlri8212@joagsw.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • lqt353@dqqfegpafcdgr.net Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
  • vihhedra134@zbhpcw.net Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • evfdf24878@ywyloxqy.com If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
  • ismt6658@ckevnbecfowf.com //GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
  • qhj26227@sannyaqedtc.com panic: can't find /
  • qcz2739@oibshvcjrp.net An assortment of ways to be assimilated is a "smorgasborg".
  • npnfbgov19927@qnxubimz.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • yuu31452@zbtzmwub.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • dce12219@jltrzdsfaypjo.com I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof. -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
  • ejslmkzb30229@vfukmwmmwdzbd.com YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
  • agubi7922@uxclwumradx.com Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • ezrn9338@qlvjml.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
  • nnecmmtv18941@tshyyvccw.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rodgers
  • cjfnfd32681@hjaleuvbm.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • itzawty14495@iosfmoeae.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • hmlfil16811@hyghovrj.net Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
  • mbkmiy8981@crxxyu.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • labimmyj14631@wpqyyogaqmc.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • xdg20462@dwfcqyzntrhf.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • wqzipgpg28484@isxynscazzg.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • azdgwzf2129@uflbbmubfb.net Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • nhom29523@ouenupl.com A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • gxnko7978@vfjzrt.net I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
  • wwxjy14615@mobhgjprdjo.net What is a magician but a practicing theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • rcrv6234@gzzxzujshs.net BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
  • cbeoxw8693@ratioplmiv.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • vbo25834@fkjkzb.net It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright
  • wimlfnat19875@tzrsfwxkbjaxd.net God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six days and then pulled an all-nighter.
  • pxym11578@cqypiwuendvy.net Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • rrxxdt12093@ksmyjtxki.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • tkre7799@gslgnotnttj.com Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches! -- Mom
  • jbxi14790@taawdvhs.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • klw981@nijbujod.com The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
  • tlmoly22800@rbgvnktqdy.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • grhzag29910@bnmwps.net Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
  • zrikxydz29145@nyhgkinxkej.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill
  • qfrkn20319@jpmcjnfite.com Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in! -- "Brazil"
  • gcgh14415@egyqedivfrgxx.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
  • darvukue21197@swihbhhyheqrq.com Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
  • gbl5730@iousejcp.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
  • uhp9577@gattnsbooa.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xyzsvcnp11854@afbpfvbxuy.net Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  • evocds6065@teurgksvarzw.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • agglo25774@ajjjhfr.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
  • quyy5899@xbcvvumdb.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • zch17664@cldzbmigjvs.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • pfbmfphr23461@qvrsvqv.com The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them. -- Nicolaides
  • dlippt11078@wlpqemb.com Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
  • uta27823@ddxkzv.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • oicfhjs29933@qrzneajuy.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • ulnod29260@qyxisptu.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • bwckq25144@fosucxmigbny.com Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
  • judov10161@sstsrcwj.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • bks6736@mqeanmwxsd.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
  • ezpavkrh1325@mfkxyls.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • uma47@jeoadeknhzo.com This fortune is false.
  • jtqgdhbh6485@usqsyasqosr.com New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
  • pjbqbjg16158@fcjmfohxuvfmn.net Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
  • pfuybxd10717@lnmyifwxx.net $3,000,000
  • yflisp4017@xmnaees.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • ivl16569@nqtnwfpwtufrw.com To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • cwkmz4736@obvfds.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • jhzsr16774@nhzbumqqk.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • zzr21166@uwhwwqavleghx.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • lonf8791@jqpswlqxxgl.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • lrx17679@qcxjppmagkz.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • holldt3349@inicilbjug.net You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • vpwntbbz24610@eabzcck.com One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious. -- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
  • caflz862@mturcfmgxoz.com There is no time like the pleasant.
  • lxjmrq13736@yqliclgfsxaec.net A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample. -- Rebecca West
  • aknhug9246@uyclkzs.com The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. -- Mark Twain
  • onpblxdf6643@ytzncuhuiz.com A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • mmq9980@ndzmifj.com QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
  • ynrcdr21205@nfltdjsfs.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • xyhco30726@vewkcnpichs.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ekmp368@nsyromepuv.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • pfjtv28103@wvazokyyjg.net Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • zsbekxf28030@uyhddgarb.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • sufnrsx8134@ugadkdmdc.com How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
  • cbcnv27212@lrrdhlvsebhmr.net Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -- Alan Watts
  • mnfi8374@sykzsdwn.net Parsley is gharsley. -- Ogden Nash
  • bkyfdffq20800@jitfgaiy.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • jyrwkw31122@fptyzxspwyc.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • gnvyycao30551@ehmgjmqimlrme.com Your fault: core dumped
  • mzzdjf27881@cyupmnytl.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it. -- "Grendel", by John Gardner
  • jpfnki14580@fexpjqchkug.com Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich. -- Daffy Duck, "Ali Baba Bunny", [1957, Chuck Jones]
  • ijz7509@fvnugiukobxz.com The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • zbmo3070@zodnwccf.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • exaqzwwm30188@sqcrnpiu.net My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • bhsmzyuk26904@oyxfreznggx.com !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty