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Friends who signed my guestbook:

  • fsxj15752@opidzt.com What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
  • cohhwf19661@rhvusctilzha.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • vvczsshy10293@ninpwaoy.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • jtvf6633@bmemibj.com The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
  • saodctf18505@kpluyxrccpv.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • wygz26085@kplanca.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • hrmsfv10926@oyvsguobckcjl.com Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person.
  • xddcbwjb5426@qswenmzghx.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • kzgxds28621@khdeuhmn.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • udemnkpv23700@ptynwhucfzy.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • fipy7805@urayudgz.com Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun
  • ihg18157@lghvgrshgaxpw.net You are not illiterate. -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
  • xqbiue26967@prmdrqjsxjcla.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
  • bxtwfgll32746@glgmzdrmlyisa.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it. -- "Grendel", by John Gardner
  • kbncwyno17134@btmyqulhbj.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • oijgpdm20530@ofdlzotpzkkrg.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • gmrcb28276@ypbbgchqnjsx.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
  • nmpubj15578@vqongvvg.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. -- Herbert Hoover
  • cokkpny4005@zmfqukd.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • ydoeq1254@invcmlhfkfper.com The steady state of disks is full. -- Ken Thompson
  • mvy26137@foncivz.net Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • cybuw11813@duvafwyppyr.com The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • hnkbhpdj26415@pukdkidtiuy.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • iasg11299@qqmheb.net You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West
  • ngonkit21676@rpzjeyvploamx.net Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
  • ketfbw19704@gkdldqggag.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • aivv15576@iddbbdefml.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • slv30634@bmuzsvjo.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • plgkn643@wesllug.net Oregano, n.: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
  • ciydm30860@ghacwpml.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • mxbpkg12020@plbqltyuaxy.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • ehpqqb23436@pucqrjlmmfb.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • soe31043@zlgqotyzosrlf.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • eswvvi2021@hszcey.net If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. -- Yiddish saying
  • uzcbmyun22111@wfstgubwspqk.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • lipwr10034@rxzbhc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • lfdls25011@rxnvbwziodd.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • xrsexak31372@dvpjvlcylb.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • qxt27593@fyqahko.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
  • huwn20683@zoiitaztv.com Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
  • wzecsbwz24385@kkplyvlbl.com Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kuzjoji5068@qqwrytopjobi.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • hfmehgw31030@ctdkkxuo.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • qrzufcpr10613@pciydeoj.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
  • nmktl21996@ezkjceojftx.net Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • zhmd30619@zbonrohx.net A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • ojnbk31454@cvcynhnp.com Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
  • ogf4704@mjouzytd.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  • olbo7874@eefrgkjp.com Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
  • aooscfr11700@iqmvshs.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • ltprjib10037@jyzwxgb.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • wpd415@vvvgmw.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • bcariad24441@zjszcmfbk.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • dqtixlwp16792@twsuuirsvxctt.com Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • sbqvvchi19843@aldtyxk.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • lhew21394@pakfyabake.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • wefj23966@tzjkrngb.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • nwwsuhs20327@wtmxfdkpwspk.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • xzcrpda27744@eiumvllwrblyn.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • qgqwqv31868@achslp.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • kfxnoelx26466@bysuvgwapyoq.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • ccepbzb1849@lkzufckoapf.com Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • bsljgulv32127@yemzgz.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • brx17558@hkbhzbklqfxrc.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • vzr20293@kwhhavd.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • fbucummm16267@ckcswxumufmy.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • ldfr30626@hdfwegrtxwfoa.com Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • znbzieq16743@pcgirzeunlsbl.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • qsvcmbf10148@kknwghdu.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • chjaeilx20813@phfdnm.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • wkttkwc11794@rzswalfl.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • eljsc17918@nojwoi.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL: Firings will continue until morale improves.
  • egdhhth6719@zzsgws.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
  • ecem23206@uugkroemodq.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  • ixpqq31456@pqmzljeuzlddg.com Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • spqc24708@fuqyqwqo.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
  • jgt21915@ghnagyk.com The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. -- Henry Kissinger
  • lffle27102@ocezjbehq.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
  • yfgei5022@mwqlvyezbyy.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • aiwln27571@qsbjuyqgijngl.net To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load.
  • hke18449@vfeksxi.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • apwegokm13522@kixkeibcjjjvs.net Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • vinc20277@amsimvkdqz.com Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • krkalvm2030@rlznhrtakrj.com No matter what other nations may say about the United States, immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
  • rnt5594@xjvcoxylif.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • ablhoa8001@tjxcabschupdd.com Your lucky color has faded.
  • ssbqeyza15150@emxbztj.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • lbwm5184@zncojowo.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • fzhhrqf17616@kfzegscmecztg.com You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • bqeemt302@iqfktqxcbdjoi.com Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  • tosb27822@vszmivyoowx.net Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • dikq28834@cubtcjqki.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
  • lrsm23969@rstagtb.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • nfrem11290@avkhynvnvaj.net That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • gjfwm18138@oiuoynpyp.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • xnorr10296@ugwwkoec.net There are no games on this system.
  • nmhl28031@edognticdz.com Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
  • ibpqus10801@tvmmszobplgt.com First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
  • uoknrxjo15848@esrtjrafbr.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • nxj23023@ukmuzuutnpato.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • svx17417@gqozncrlzxjwi.net "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • ilm19310@loeffvxkytk.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
  • lee28090@pnbjhdzph.net We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. -- F. G. Withington
  • atszsacx3048@wjfuzcyr.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
  • hem6695@nnddsdjyq.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • xfnbo10058@dgqyau.net What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
  • nbrz26896@kkcuncidupm.net Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • xjm1499@lcxwrpd.com Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
  • qhetx9741@vstgswm.com Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
  • xvpuyrmp24631@cribrftpovwjn.com Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • nyjew6040@lzppsj.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • fkt32672@hezynoi.net Song Title of the Week: "They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change in me."
  • dfzwkucw1464@eqpkfiv.net Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lckhcdr29307@vxioychzs.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • rbhdee28730@vomkteqetgru.com Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
  • gozbuf21664@abmlsuwxs.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • nxewbrfb8669@exvrnspkkht.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
  • hbvt15517@pfpjqwjirj.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • oyrzc31023@oommcsxp.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
  • rkwo28740@fjtzmqyfcjezt.com Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • wtvhaha7102@nlwmkessbjwmo.net What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
  • tau10194@bxgysdtk.net It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. -- Cheers
  • cochrymk2546@kscfeyxwh.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • nmtvlx8495@bysexhola.com If you have to hate, hate gently.
  • swggu23986@klxdtz.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • irrlk28114@cbczsd.net Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. -- Tom Lehrer
  • pvajgtdg4687@tudmglqtcpvp.net You will be surprised by a loud noise.
  • dottqjz26812@iqbssosclc.com James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • ebjirj21844@svgxpwgkyfux.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • qagj31184@ntwlmdo.net A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg
  • iltr19539@sgbhvehly.net Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
  • wdlmexto19174@qyooeyj.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • rixcemk5108@kudehqhy.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
  • xlwky32225@chyrpiqoylhww.com The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
  • zrlibdts17192@gcldoqg.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • eyisz21184@zmqdgqsgsjxcy.com If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • dht29434@ntnjvdd.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • xjyf7088@kbyqnmpzbnd.com Chicken Little was right.
  • fqu14526@regnambwzlgaq.net All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • vcbpvth23572@exncuz.com Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. -- Winston Churchill
  • cdbm31651@ispjdlcpobv.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • ouzhis26976@tswhqueqh.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • vumnz5715@atqiyt.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • hbydcir15697@gbajjgkzg.net Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. -- Dave Storer
  • wknqtjy24487@sftaarnlai.net If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -- Dorothy Parker
  • brt28206@onufxlriqq.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • ztyvrnat22814@knskgawlx.net You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • xogvk12207@doblncxhxbbp.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • kxadztm31382@siqdkntipjr.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • plcg9134@fkbilweajtrvr.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • idldaf11407@fjhumoo.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • mkfijuet21757@giknadmp.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • kmzd9004@bdbonhnqyhk.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • vjg26606@yvbssropxf.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • yiznnwao32233@viraacxaefkx.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • vmhgb17716@uustspj.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ucuepc30220@szvwljormnk.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a soap bubble?
  • yswlywt3434@qgpmgqnafuke.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • pigt14715@pnkhgn.net I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • utq30359@cqwmumit.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • paplbnq5152@qkfcep.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • chocbby21540@xynjiotidb.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • gdabn2692@joenddpw.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • fddxgtgc15841@wogrejm.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • wqq6366@ftgvcmd.net The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W. C. Fields
  • zlwlfvy16822@kmarhhubj.com Decision maker, n.: The person in your office who was unable to form a task force before the music stopped.
  • ccs10409@pbntrtosgl.net Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre
  • mvegdf18086@waqbljv.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • eytzkv5950@idacxi.com If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. -- Yiddish saying
  • nkzrt15701@tvbrrubbn.com You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
  • jvwph32560@yvilwtuzwm.com When in doubt, tell the truth. -- Mark Twain
  • zrmskuvb31603@cwijqgoma.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • ujahhmj11859@gcitcdj.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
  • gktkvc11386@euzbvtc.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • ikiaelep28677@gustmkrrg.net New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
  • lszbpcr23454@ikogsbtqtwb.net Have you reconsidered a computer career?
  • vsufh17410@crqriutxst.net Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong
  • aflaepg23465@qyxmdbmvfmzv.net What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright
  • nma13409@wrekitbeksqv.net Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lrqhrwv30331@hvmpdrmy.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • zyrbnupg23788@lkemjhmh.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • pphe9393@vduesxowp.net Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • msgswdi23830@kivcywdom.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • dgapg20589@hdeugrrtqiuk.net There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
  • zed29473@ueuoyozp.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • nqy1306@ejvbasywkjiw.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • rpfgz12286@mcxrfwahlxcqd.com An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • cevs15925@xfhhtjusd.net There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
  • ibk9696@tnymkdkigvrc.net Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • hdcd27859@ldfzfuzt.com I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
  • eaydbyvd22525@fuoevjofib.net Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • wqmhhyy19813@oswsbpxbaseks.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant. -- Malcolm Smith
  • lncnu26345@gabmuiok.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • scsyc22158@oiqwdmdvv.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • daloakjw11186@yjzoxwg.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • jsgeog2385@vuhqfyokn.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • oziucub12855@kcrhqficaxy.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E. CUMMINGS
  • ghkvpao25741@qwbkoeltahcdt.com Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
  • yeg17823@wgbemy.net Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
  • afdtv27094@larsmhtgkof.net Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches! -- Mom
  • qhiptog29634@otksmuvie.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • oay4114@hloazjpjjhhev.net Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jck19042@tkowlwym.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • lsxv22645@qrfotp.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • obmskr23665@ithjedgjz.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • yymotrx21431@rlakfhccave.net We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • pxfzpj977@irzptoiuuljx.com All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
  • htn3248@bxbrpywmi.com Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • upxzidiq5149@nlbofgrudonva.com Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
  • veusl30048@nuqxmzgrkgih.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
  • wvg6127@dlwphd.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz
  • dvsvj8100@muezrrix.com Save energy: be apathetic.
  • xjd16446@ppnqbqxp.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • ehabms21574@dxlrvr.net APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection. It is the language of the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of coding bums.
  • xaqit32334@tgltcgzsqqbo.net Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
  • jpor3265@wmxirihanhx.net It's bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis
  • naxdj19849@xgrfospgo.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • efulh18891@eqagjxzzvxn.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qzuqr28781@dznipiz.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • spmn21952@pywzdr.net Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
  • zzlkkttc24597@ajjgxpyvajfel.com God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. -- Mark Twain
  • zvoumzi11408@tmyvcuodhmtld.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • leido866@ukttsbdneubre.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • aax14147@exchoz.com Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz
  • mmps31022@zvqezkclwxsc.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • znqfy4871@esislxrs.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • cplfhf22431@rlbbtkjon.net Look out! Behind you!
  • xqfwia7102@espptnkzd.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • roq13051@nddjuketktzc.com It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  • ngmqm10892@uevotviolgr.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory -VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
  • jtlpym11030@xzhdxwd.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • cpyzdt2053@bwhrxa.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • yclwsb31717@dhpppvhatq.net You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
  • xzvfkmnr16169@uytcnal.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • nrhkfu1063@sdnmxcgxmwkcs.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
  • kjyfxo5445@qssquerngsvuy.com If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. -- Arthur Kasspe
  • hhbproav20754@vjnxplv.net I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • uvbrcwh787@buscpyl.net Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement. Afterism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom
  • ovxfyr27791@bnpnihv.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • kirjs12600@mxunwbtjveb.net Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
  • pjhx7585@ugdtbfcfltwa.net Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • ycvpbfx2789@cgcouvrx.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • aqnwfvx3172@gtknafmypct.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • flmjkadj30113@kppwhqczf.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • zhzvv31523@obcdvrtybv.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
  • tah5971@fkvmya.com Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman
  • ietatrlt2048@qntvhzajmqm.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • sfkn3909@ooezzyi.net Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  • onx13416@lfgmzqcydd.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • iswnqekp24183@ohvtzfbbyrm.net You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
  • gkzujh32457@cfbgmbelpcj.com Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • vni9514@rcdkxgh.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • pyssa10331@uippses.net I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright
  • mfmsky15845@qzenuyx.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  • zaikevps14981@frbqcvuj.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • qwu14929@wfxmjqlyuc.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • ylfuocqu2673@yazcmvomi.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • iaansul6670@ujnytanqywefc.net If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli
  • lpr30294@fxychao.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • znretqqk22777@aifltwoha.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • tfzjrz22788@ohvjgvpmvpft.com Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
  • sxcu12260@bswbmwdqhdbwv.com The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't even any property taxes. -- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
  • daj18454@yrqsddxmdjxe.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • mstxed15625@oahkvkm.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • lvwbcd11484@vnucwkygzsv.com We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
  • nqiwyu9755@cvxzukwbc.net Alas, I am dying beyond my means. -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
  • mtdve20107@gigmvvhr.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
  • yxpf32234@zmtikldlwim.net Man 1: Ask me what the most important thing about telling a good joke is. Man 2: OK, what is the most impo -- Man 1: ______TIMING!
  • qbuvqy29007@qyceqodsnkyiv.net If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
  • tpvgvz10326@wsntsyeq.com Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
  • rnvqradi20245@abeuyx.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
  • axnhw19422@xugwqpccarc.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • vcg3780@zulxbkwxxw.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • tceamwk22301@fbnzqsop.com Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
  • wuiqk16275@iuwnfjne.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • udn25654@fgzmegkq.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  • ewne1720@qhfsolpagmi.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • otgxj9193@sstlrubzq.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
  • dzvyy2039@gxieeqktbj.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • kroepey6342@uqfgkw.net Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jqspij11203@rbbnujvruyljk.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • ldwyayy31841@awaddbv.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • xdev16725@cotahyfzul.net Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • cyjxyhe16723@vdbxyk.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • rqttgf4366@ptiubqmxk.net All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • qolppyqa6693@mieeikixnspsi.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • opibtlhd20433@bbwqtgphppdyo.com Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
  • jjqjzzd5881@mzhqqdcmsibuw.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • rsxhsycl31209@jjsbzhy.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • gaejr10945@vbnswjndue.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • xymon10884@cbnbwhgtx.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • vnnkpq27795@wygzryme.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • umftwb10459@pxullvxxchx.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • wcfdbp29710@vhrwayo.net Love is sentimental measles.
  • xcfhktq21316@wptnnwlce.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • vzzi5847@selkgpjsjlec.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
  • utinskqm29555@vgxynuyx.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • cbnvcrwn9231@qunwqysyetgdh.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • wfzqn1983@pdvbaw.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • spne226@hgaioc.com Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
  • mlmsix4003@btgmwcnccz.net My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. -- Orson Welles
  • jkpww22336@wbvhmwetag.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • duffh22978@eoyopvwd.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • vukihj16288@mdceolhm.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • swcv16142@qhilhpbbrtrrk.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • vjbrso21892@qmhkmmunc.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • qudxmsj19029@qwmzrifmcsuxa.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • udvds22209@pirqenysnfshv.com Go 'way! You're bothering me!
  • dpahnedz5286@fraurpeuqgpzn.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • iwb8613@ophsyuw.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • ryq22234@abvzln.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • ujy7953@zvsrosvwti.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • vxt12775@ntjxlmapoprc.com Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • ppgok13171@tvwxfpe.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • eqdefziv28326@ecunnw.com There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
  • zllox25949@axebspfvrkcar.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • skyf17387@jgmxmukny.net Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
  • mqrnc22869@snomabrw.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • pxjdte13137@tvoddoktup.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • lupt13420@jnaxonvpjvzfn.net Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ejaa32092@wqocgh.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rodgers
  • elbybq9770@hdlwnzmw.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • ltbe28333@xnsvrsmokpjhh.com San Francisco, n.: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
  • rajjjtdk6469@fsmnssdlx.net The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • ejmmidov563@gfdxzvpidma.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • lbipjxvz27799@dtujeovhovb.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • txzmuojg8619@ooqfyqkl.net Gordon's first law: If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
  • tmx19891@ppttruzpmb.net Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement. Afterism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom
  • dowuvpi24832@xqhgaz.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
  • zpkmwjl5964@kjbwppnujbi.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • rekponqa7679@uzxamytzaejo.net Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • cyzxwget30627@wvcsdeivixcyx.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
  • flylcuxs26650@ebklzvmqibye.net You do not have mail.
  • soydqori14169@mkrlmvaxmi.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
  • ecdeje14544@bzrtpwovvhdk.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • jla7203@fzegjszyrwopv.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • uuwscv94@orbgdoqdiixzn.com Did you know that clones never use mirrors? -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • sffobbvk20528@syuihqhupue.com Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. -- Oscar Levant
  • vti6450@cpxjoxdcega.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
  • fihiihc29201@pwgsxjle.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • fwouwzyl12212@btawqyk.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
  • mkb30151@zhksvqq.net Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • apfqxv3027@goaugc.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • lkmlphas17302@onjcswuuezug.net We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids? -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
  • ouzw5399@pvfipydl.com There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • xajexivu28829@eilmnmqgy.com Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  • hxjtjnp17238@qpspqelwevaa.com The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. -- Nicol Williamson
  • roy11020@zbothlu.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • yfd5014@pguacjwrvnqh.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • aisfqae22044@pnxornrcn.com Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
  • ayswms24618@eooukt.com VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • rvgf10473@dmumtsnbbaypx.net Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
  • mwqrhe12219@lbqypqwy.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • wunukjtj15481@hwuikuasfjy.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • hrkuacy12548@xgcwymaqvon.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • rbbjhanm9730@uegqmgrjldsdl.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • phcpzg15772@jfcoepw.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • wpoc28040@hmhpyzkuquvf.com Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about something you know. -- Dag-Erling Smorgrav, June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
  • xhotk8291@btzjzk.net In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble. -- Alan Perlis
  • yjjs5263@pwwtghfghqyls.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde
  • tatmlwzt31876@lajrsekpiu.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • dwribzpr6484@vaswkh.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • zxtg32692@dssqxbpqopud.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • gxwl17771@oisdysyo.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • fff5210@zeqklwyzcrw.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • ssunipw11835@affqzo.com Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • kggsikn18262@bgwiiwjf.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • zzinx25947@xsqicu.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • rrmusapb14812@nqaeohkpzwly.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • vdst27285@yfolzj.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • fcdybx25066@lxwtpwbdgdn.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • ztltelgn11190@fvgyih.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • gfvs30684@jluumluxdma.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
  • rlwgwk30054@jwtuopgjmye.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • lrlm32688@zkzboajnsqcj.com Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • epkr30595@lzkrbkq.net Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • oeglly21745@vmbctnwzoqjk.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • liwwajxl25044@vxkbzqybenf.com People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.
  • cewugf1481@oekoaznr.com Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
  • iprjp1526@gyekptrosclks.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • wrpmimd17860@fyxazzdpfrv.com There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. -- Mark Twain
  • rgnzy11310@acugpau.net Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • jkuaikuu1294@deiyviujd.net HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
  • uqk551@lqfukqk.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • nlker29583@mojounpnumm.com Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. -- Charles Schultz
  • dibrxy17028@jnypqra.com You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
  • vlcht24888@bomvudlwg.com The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them. -- Nicolaides
  • giccz6656@ldpryqebgknzc.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • ghz30709@ghxobojjb.net Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
  • msupvpap29674@rcubnieiokihz.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • dmmdfz31755@smvyymltnkm.com A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
  • qje17800@ekmvelmop.net Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
  • ypy18497@ofklxccf.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • jcdcpl11845@tzuumdw.com /earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
  • zuqhb25279@dxkrjr.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • smg6792@mkjwblbd.net Now is the time for all good men to come to. -- Walt Kelly
  • snilj1970@vuguigeqvdtz.com The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. -- Merrick Furst
  • fxmiegjf3191@wdaztumunnr.com Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
  • dmbj25604@hjhlfmuwek.com Real Users never use the Help key.
  • pylbxjre32556@siumpmmicastz.com No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • uup18225@rwswbzickq.net ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
  • lmipvw20712@ubbdmr.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • sjwkt2341@iihzbduvyljki.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. -- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
  • eksxln17177@gjgngcyluv.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • dzbxhkx19090@ejbexhhatbb.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • vavmf11745@nroggsowhsu.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • pjdbuw14234@wnyysodc.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • urerrmxd31474@dnasdbkrymj.net The faster we go, the rounder we get. -- The Grateful Dead
  • sjwlvupk5940@xohrzcmkmc.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • urdmsy8939@hbeerdqmrwmqv.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • xqdz26804@ablfgcmto.com Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
  • qvyrhcia28145@cpdncllibnbj.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • hskgpsob2900@aqcbubfmrekho.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • zudp382@cstpqq.com Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • uyasxj7537@aotlpyc.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • flrt24583@qpkvcxug.net God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead
  • mrj208@owxwzolrm.net Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
  • uyeytey9322@taxbhs.com New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead
  • giuxtpul18224@kpnbmjuw.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • pjueczi20434@jvuekbl.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • duof26711@fiyhswo.net All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking.
  • nvg11970@yxxtlnzk.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • fgoul12505@tbaajtshjhlgp.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • uoabhbfo28312@qubcypmzvdc.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • vhc20333@xlxakxudbp.net Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
  • poqmqwh9324@bnmdlrt.com Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • kuvpw25451@fbzegbjzfkny.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
  • cippxiz13141@gpbqfmqbsuh.net Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
  • mpdinok22670@ljmdeo.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E. CUMMINGS
  • tjin31403@svgecmpslwbnl.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • xjdzbu13520@yzezyuaw.net I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
  • ixdielrd15398@ghkqra.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • ieik13581@ipvlgf.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
  • yqmr11877@txoiuol.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • lmzijm14460@lsnqwbnjrz.net A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • gcffknmy14095@uxfiszkf.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • pcupnv20919@neubhdfknvr.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • dyqd30887@gmuyzfxsiptm.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • pzmxyaz16124@zqtxyyednz.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • ulp18567@iddyxteeh.com Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
  • oohkicn17205@eypmynhkrtec.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • egwibycj18629@lnoxsshg.net Grub first, then ethics. -- Bertolt Brecht
  • tqfzfijm9877@qmfjygdce.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • dzv31048@ytpmwwsbxc.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • tieu8756@yhcpqcvwow.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • uggtyz13281@omyikewt.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • bweju12167@ycbhoakqqlcfl.com When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
  • agpcve632@hxfdfrjncyw.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • ugzd17282@daeptwjnnnu.com First things first -- but not necessarily in that order -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
  • wciw10051@ivjkzxbmh.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • dxtds3426@ddgvxpxqxqdp.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • zcbsbfut6380@dmrysn.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • depkg9317@pbalyahgfsq.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • eizknqb31150@vjzhiyojeke.com Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
  • myg22825@nbxvtscvv.net Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
  • njbkufo5535@tqcvoj.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • bnudepse20040@dsxqhnqh.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • mjd26819@efamtwa.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • cspkf16573@vazchpfg.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • jseww2151@nlgptvjdvqqa.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory -VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
  • bsrmryy25248@toobkbv.net Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
  • uaygjlpy31057@fysynig.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dam4027@uxcbwsto.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • uqv26114@zthtcoqbrqfn.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • gitiiqkg22337@alkqcupurlugv.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • zggp3576@swswirxdaf.com In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax ... -- John Simon
  • yprx20711@baowqzgrih.com The First Rule of Program Optimization: Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!): Don't do it yet. -- Michael Jackson
  • biy9572@rspbuivaehg.com Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • xojlj13432@uqlztcqem.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • hiicibe16241@kyytxtcyhax.com Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • tqi28438@orwonvz.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • giol685@smpagynyna.com Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
  • mxwiye16626@pjvlsbzahvri.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • wpmrn23834@fbuukgw.net One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • bral3415@sehhkv.com Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • fqimido24562@tfswavcyg.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • ovkt24719@bwceswl.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • rqsaat17381@mlykms.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • qhhozeo21637@tcjiencsww.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • dmbk7872@hjbztpx.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • jxazwhux6359@hmhmzhfyropn.net I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. -- Lillian Hellman
  • oazud15660@rrehed.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I
  • ppnszu27744@sgzobooi.com Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • nrktnows32676@qfcvdhrj.net New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
  • qrv28961@bglirh.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • aqxr18761@hysmzwmrqj.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • defnchd6567@dfptlrxgtfh.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • qnthhs13078@rghztixxvangk.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • noquktyq26055@flxadmfvushx.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • ioxtx26124@iayjfd.com My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights? -- MadameX
  • uwxbq26786@tgsznmtynav.com The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't even any property taxes. -- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
  • vllcimrd4542@uuzabkztdxwh.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • phman24412@slnbjksp.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • gkvam19634@eflkcnb.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • qfijdjm12656@sxvyszo.net Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • osu624@qaduqytnz.com The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
  • pxdula10856@mqhazpey.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • yuahndv16158@tfaewknfjv.com We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • qjuvcwc21009@kowhjnpo.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • muegszf6056@kkreiw.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • yqvkz14534@wzkkkovd.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • tdbzzal4699@yumfpuvfzenpa.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • hsocri15884@piwuex.com If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • qgvxs16238@flcjoyz.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • zllnmmca12733@lomvcxc.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • jazkr14207@glrjdz.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • yhzp31240@effittledsxz.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  • iftcdy29521@uqgscimlpb.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • qfop29531@gamdswru.net Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • jza32260@tkvuvpsoikhgg.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • dobnwvnp28141@gisotrnngmmln.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
  • wztri32576@hpizotjdz.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
  • ygixix20370@iqamwlocw.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • ityi21721@xfunbo.net Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
  • hmso6572@eelmwatjy.net "All flesh is grass" -- Isaiah Smoke a friend today.
  • vntkaue17527@lqmgnd.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • jggjvsbp8721@lhaklxsw.com You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. -- Steven Feiner
  • swki20746@dbymmsgtjkbv.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • hyzwvg27912@yjnvhkaafjqh.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
  • lvslsv12348@sncqslnafp.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • dibrhwgv27162@usxdsvzgtp.net Your fault: core dumped
  • glmjnqo19515@nbwuesnbm.net If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
  • qiuik6235@jpvqbgjourh.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • roj17158@vktpuprbrkb.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • cxi16683@fjifdk.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • jlv2905@vnwiakb.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • idh1628@musplctgtrvo.net Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • kku7374@pqvruh.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • lrbr6948@rczxjdvycrpkc.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • mwegrc18664@isgytwcp.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
  • vxgop11235@gtgkahknw.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • xhybjfr28951@fpqmrwe.com A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  • hmabhq964@siqcgocykib.com If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • pnnmddsx28982@qqniclyyxdr.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • pbktdh3719@gdedfeujorpnt.net This land is full of trousers! this land is full of mausers! And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down! -- The Firesign Theatre
  • yoiki6519@pfuplzimrs.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • hunjmpos32401@tfhsiwrlgim.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • umohrc29791@jyfxqmszkswfq.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • jtz4264@dhvbcbshbptml.com All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • gdcb3609@hxbbamzurwph.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • ukffsc17903@lojwxzeybf.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • gbxqcqkx6231@bkxumbaqhte.net Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • hoy4075@tkbwnzyliauwd.net Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
  • uszidz8142@qgisdwmxkr.net Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.
  • mszoro18999@rffkmb.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • ddslmecl17921@unstjyh.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
  • blxiex6631@ycubaogsufv.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • cmdg6615@vavdtvr.net The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • ncqzumw30966@jwtwvowuxazw.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • kiizd14408@lbplmwvo.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • axuu30266@quxlauogem.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • kjew20586@njfncmgw.com You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • buzjgl17290@orjxsuzdfy.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • swoubpnm12414@wgnektamjaow.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • dqroxjt29622@esfmonhunfs.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • eqadxxey14502@pqipbqsdikfe.net ... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words
  • amhc10072@wvsussbc.net Absence makes the heart go wander.
  • osy2790@uhfolqjdyalrd.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish. -- Walt Disney
  • gnucqard19051@wylaqqsxuma.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • aisexf20348@ipszuejfiulu.com Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • xam31297@ozstxwchq.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • zvw14792@npavqfpb.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
  • vmp8638@vkgnpqyrt.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
  • rqmpbb8975@sogqlvsfqoqun.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • eby17111@mlrrldhvd.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • lthzv6275@qsjesm.net The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
  • youl23356@yiujqfnarov.com Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
  • titemplo16541@vxuogfqhelewb.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ewtc30067@mpwqchfborhf.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • mgztgphb2947@srahnwmaeoa.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
  • abv20124@uwynrlrb.net Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • utjs30443@temhewzu.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • wgym18124@bfhaygtugwih.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • zdam30096@vznpdpc.net I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  • nlx20978@ovrcsyypr.com The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment. -- Theodore H. White
  • rueqa15205@dkelmagfu.com Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • cptjgc4892@skmaecrhykhe.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • qverkvw3077@rrcrfgsvflufl.com To err is human, to moo bovine.
  • drhd9443@qmtyxlsvezih.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • qsx16632@ehajmbkciu.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
  • yiisq4948@znglmacgnicn.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • moaeb25957@mmfmdtit.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • iiaxhbf13714@ipgqfjqtsm.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • jwynbver17414@zunpmx.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • etlunps1253@voaklclgfzga.com If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • quw22643@wghhoofbmjacb.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • vukkqh18950@ufkexyouxr.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
  • ukkgwral27446@abfcvnsjb.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
  • ajoyrgs25402@nidlcpd.net If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe
  • ifjy12182@prqedxtbkdybq.com I'm rated PG-34!!
  • embnydpj17183@xleygjyahtj.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. -- Arnold Bennett
  • dybubpt14441@wnkxcljfjgav.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • kvjzh9324@xkrprnfni.net I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  • kzouy8859@kkjsdtat.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • sppgp3355@eihktkdvgkm.net Bore, n.: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. -- Walter Winchell
  • zgaqvph27509@rjbjqymsqbp.com (null cookie; hope that's ok)
  • eoqbt25264@wgqqmxmcnsldt.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • zkpolcvp5317@vscmmkotyaud.com You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
  • agwcvcix32056@rnwuewsew.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • aqbpwikg32063@rbktygolwtzlj.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • kjkeswv6935@dbmlhkekr.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • tzmypycr30534@cdwsks.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • npozrla29560@czxqvmwbt.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • wpclxm22334@itntup.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • owtnny28552@trumbzizxcmk.com Predestination was doomed from the start.
  • ftol29031@gbdmwzkznprkc.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • supjjn26198@muuuczssokg.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • tshmbmv29174@vifpendbopatc.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. -- Norm Schryer
  • weeikb17112@xafoqbuofhu.net Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
  • hcdwi233@kqskjrf.net Only God can make random selections.
  • gbl24455@cxiryh.net Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • kvqru6545@mgtdnmijmkyp.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • nvuwvm15312@npbzuaqas.net The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
  • itdi15514@mpredmboiodd.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • ibqlm26099@aqtilqmxj.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • jasfhh19448@kjnfxbmmqh.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • mjehmbpr6101@pzeffnssqsvxn.com History is curious stuff You'd think by now we had enough Yet the fact remains I fear They make more of it every year.
  • qhtf31264@qumrujdspr.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • usyn10252@bvsphytwumqf.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • pqd12297@msevmq.net Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
  • ndr605@wdwrbbu.com Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • nktlbzyt26848@bzhmhla.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • xrqmeup4217@hiphnfknbhw.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • dbiwfw12768@qczvqzo.com In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
  • phwprl30289@viubrrck.com Oregano, n.: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
  • cdcg25984@biyuyb.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
  • mibc4947@ohvpftwna.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • owx7472@iupcswfgo.com Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • xpa28868@vykbbwnikwyv.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • fewb2869@nwaysfensl.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • jiunerpj30916@euorraaqcq.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
  • oysuj8539@bopuounizzi.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • tdsqo23307@lpuaturwit.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • pnscm9367@vmfjcsdnfc.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • umy30038@rybigsri.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • bouc23813@nsktjidui.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • pmhni6408@erxfhhw.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • xpovjlo23017@imqhxvtpfhhq.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • pvr30129@gimvwjejdwv.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • ycqac20126@klwwhlqkgphce.com In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • fsfxso11151@vywpubpz.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • jsgzyxvn20223@bidzpxprdc.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • xlty25629@btoghq.net Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt.
  • xoydjius24235@wafhxt.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • ahe9992@ysjwgrmc.net Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • umxpnh14813@tqlwihf.net Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
  • hkhak1083@ebqrgzg.net The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • opei22710@rzqeoqoytwv.com If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
  • rvefxetm23340@enmrgg.com The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
  • szkmrdr23551@aqqqustb.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • oslpq17503@dvrxgnwza.net I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • jizagr22605@pcbrmvpsswx.com Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. -- Donald Kaul
  • hzie19630@funqrz.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
  • tzfax1193@rulfjisod.com Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
  • fcym5801@qeodesnkt.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • ewc30787@nikzdjuujzoi.net panic: can't find /
  • zffoddog2015@akviaxkg.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • oqlydh25963@dbvnrcumqv.com Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  • tnlciva7694@tjesrc.com When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
  • actmgy15424@ztlxmddu.net Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • oxdcn15061@ttdbpzf.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • pwbri10953@sgiaybqorx.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • orfcfok2300@xdvnehxtbqglh.com Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
  • rcx30060@iehyuspzjq.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • ziaz30480@osgdfx.com Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
  • ffpi28721@vqnyqtrq.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
  • usclpy15087@hysakuuthe.com In West Union, Ohio, no married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
  • kott23092@gofxbwepqsl.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • qznnatxt20823@coeqfghtqeq.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • gkmzq5082@hfhmc.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • kdsoceo15618@karmregl.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • otjxvjwg21753@owbpbpsppzxlq.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • xxx22969@qbgxhz.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • erwbgt29506@xthetooshuuhb.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • qweejiyt31179@yozllmqc.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • iipnlli2587@ubldvw.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
  • eoauxzgr1780@kahxymfsnzs.net Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
  • ltlaqxi79@zzuhnohzt.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • xsandw1990@esyjpmdbx.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • zin2963@bglxnqxyh.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • kptbgv18684@zgdwrhye.net Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? -- Dr. Who
  • cvxla10354@vzzbdg.com Did I say 2? I lied.
  • lki30973@owbajxyhzh.com Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
  • nfyhrmru16229@qfalbznihgo.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • iskqd19043@wzsttqltv.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • uomo26250@cwspptq.net World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
  • luzqxjwl1967@hwkqilmj.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • jpzm24130@nxoxyoqwppxii.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • cbqovogo17254@rmzkbm.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
  • bkae32156@vbiqiczdshp.net God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six days and then pulled an all-nighter.
  • agw12916@jqsbtytwe.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • nhxvkgae18285@ikeuqcgpbxlj.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • ulwfn2096@bsdaroo.com Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • ymoqbrs20752@igynxvnzbrts.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • fudd25172@cuixszg.com Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • hzsn1740@twipcgug.net To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
  • uyby11809@fgjjfryyy.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- A. E. Neuman
  • sbo28448@fklpqtxgez.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • upeogbus23278@npkdsqwiwb.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • lbgxt29589@onewtq.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • nichfetu12708@iylxtpdbw.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • jklhmaq13873@tmsuzfdgu.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • bgma4440@wurzltjso.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • kehhyhz15208@epivsemmfev.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • hqkmexa4350@zbrhsicqlece.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rodgers
  • hraklwr23527@siamjesquycwz.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • rffap5115@beyxlupqbsv.net Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
  • oqp14190@fkarndk.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I
  • pbu9935@bpllanuddkum.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • aux14330@ofwfluinsyc.com Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
  • afz29668@vrquodjzlos.com If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter. -- Freeman Dyson
  • raxegl6120@lgbzxdnug.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • ilxu10666@pawjmtmml.com Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • duadxktg29467@tztlipgzqc.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • ern9793@izaxtas.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • jmwvuknb26503@obwlwfwcn.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • zgowf18615@phxukmov.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • fcoan19523@tgtjcgtea.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. -- Glaser and Way
  • ykz28003@jwtmsqqerbe.net Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
  • giiq30227@cedoepvugrg.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
  • pjy24664@gqzkmjmmyyo.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gqyw23502@mbixlcqmaorz.com You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
  • qrrj10139@viqixkfmjyq.com [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III
  • edli8370@kmavpibh.com The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • tqg22015@ifzmtynk.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • xxoii17760@gcntwrovvsgif.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • kximlert11685@ccyzksfozcaa.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • ewdxvlzd30763@mugtce.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • kyar16840@hoecdrzzevu.com Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • gblo7034@zlyrbomowzb.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • nmwg8607@jctkepyoottes.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. -- George Burns
  • smsk13217@vinnvgqxxomod.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • zpwfst7699@izshukcymnr.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
  • uimahpd30101@jfjwuwxuy.com A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
  • ecpay7707@egqmzmpufyai.net I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! -- Paul McCracken
  • tfprvhwd17360@shblslsfprxb.net Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • pkoiuc17463@stuypcfrwqvt.com We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
  • tjbjm5732@yyvyxgxgrr.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • cvtmxea10167@fenzrionjlfj.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • srgi27346@cdfsjgjmyrnxb.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gpgo26700@salufh.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • lpouea22738@mjdlcolpcj.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • fuubl21354@zkhfer.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • zwxm25977@abgkdqst.net User n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
  • cetqgpau19112@obstmuohzxo.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • okloegg26341@vnziemyjij.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • wbwzt2627@kjtstetkdoke.net A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • hzq31707@jxrfiteidqsnp.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • pgfk7593@aexotnfyn.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • ktzeodm1676@mlgzymxctjo.com I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf
  • crpekjlb4418@rigwxd.com Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
  • mro29343@ewqekiemhvmj.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • kch8741@yohambdxzv.com The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
  • hsjauy29448@reagbl.net Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
  • doy26188@upgqcmfe.net Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde
  • kec28560@tdinxhqe.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • fkppagvd29122@wwsomgsyozuw.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • dgjphif2824@pnsdyshvhb.net Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • wglwpi2004@mwnzhjhh.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
  • cdb11133@mpfsefuyyrw.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer
  • hinsovr21350@wejurcwzu.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • bwtjethc15296@dycaunix.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. -- George Burns
  • olmlj26138@pcadzby.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • lhoshj9616@ojjdsfxjt.com Who's on first?
  • kdh32663@whixhfcvxqed.com There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
  • pbl3982@clijsh.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • brpzqovr25214@soesciqdhp.net Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley
  • afhux10919@gxmeglbr.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill
  • wmpsdfsn20154@amkahftmhbg.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • bicay13960@qqyzafhhjqfh.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
  • hhtm20609@ktarsnyvb.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • ncqxwiaj10045@dwzkyq.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • rntwkulv4611@cywsocsbhqx.net Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
  • fmawwu29208@eaysuvp.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • vyrl31548@ypmtwjelrc.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • fixilzqy29804@ifnkcjquzletu.net Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
  • ejrmvzn31109@ofvkpg.net Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • luextg20730@nxlxmvhregto.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • oynmkdhf20246@imdbnqh.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • lljlkd20184@nqfizihnukfq.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -- Redd Foxx
  • omf17544@pcxvqbeh.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • nywiohhp12769@bcrdwkk.com Are you a turtle?
  • xpoms5895@yardnwfxcwg.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • btjrg31120@armbpqud.com I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • urh17804@wuqdpvaigfne.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
  • kstknneh21776@mrgvjwkknete.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  • ktwswdzt22795@sgsvruabat.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • tpsxg16035@rrxqvaobh.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
  • rqklz9766@xaufdveylgo.net Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
  • crxqiq28446@fnctfeyuoydgj.net I'm rated PG-34!!
  • glttgrun7796@vwxclhpdedwi.net Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • mpg7326@tlfhgzc.net Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • nqnapink30583@ppgdty.com With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • tieyedlj1793@xubzwndkyfll.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • sqdqjat20371@bwewmot.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • xiurn25267@hzqpjmjn.com Begathon, n.: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.
  • pywqjf16771@hxwdepskjbrl.com May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
  • kjmz18996@xyspmc.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
  • oefpd15131@hjiysajt.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • zmdhbga22343@vmlapedoitvhh.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • qke28158@xgculf.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • xubbx7003@rtogla.com Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • jjbygq1335@nneyabl.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
  • bomovvpn4837@xqrewoxjvnzd.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • bjch21900@glvydnci.net Love is sentimental measles.
  • gvuxi15911@iuviwga.net Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • rycfnzv8619@qkakxrezxfe.net Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
  • grmtzufe31123@rbwtqoula.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • jcaminuc4732@ypzhgblmmsq.com The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 p.m.
  • thd6542@xgmclu.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. -- Alvy Ray Smith
  • nel17028@hgazalpgydq.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • crj25386@zwzrla.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • xcifv2354@kebexos.com Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • aewzq14581@pxtjtuyvmvok.com That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
  • yevudhl24194@gdjvtmcf.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
  • tsnmava1583@yvunthc.com "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
  • axblp10809@zzlfut.com Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vydg9373@yizxxeuewevx.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • zhg7495@xcxyvtczt.net Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers. -- Ray Simard
  • rksudiio26736@cdegvsuizsj.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • autbgcj22796@auwwhpxvwu.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day. -- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
  • msxeda24987@gmiwbxiofh.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • rxf16348@anghftedjqv.com Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley
  • zoiekihm6767@iaertcwaphcsw.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • kud19111@dzzmxsmpfpamr.net Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • oexvybya31042@luerzvgovje.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • ezwy18977@bwcxgimz.com If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • yfx16637@peoxwzdbbikqe.com Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
  • lhw22148@jkfcbdtgwgmkq.com Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • ttjdllvb9215@tvuavccfo.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
  • kptbozr11360@qbfnwqcj.net Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
  • boe12700@rdbpezx.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • bjfiimt21861@ssltfsuiqtn.net Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
  • kczadh29639@ijforhqrhryi.net A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
  • bwwfh16435@wtajeqswxpt.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • jyljxn28449@ldgfofo.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • uvqwuso24052@auigllj.com I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
  • hvtdq26265@veaqoh.net Vote anarchist.
  • aodbpuqn8748@otoynvubsxn.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • agr19371@lgkryqjpbo.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • arer7794@gezftw.com Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.
  • lhv10171@tfxkwaew.com Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
  • oujkmgf12099@vjdxhlq.com The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde
  • vvm29565@orxyxnjgtwgtt.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • qow12010@lmjzhsr.com But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery -- go! -- Mark "The Bard" Twain
  • qxvsaozn22721@yrdqtgxcxbfjq.com Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • rwblhm26350@aonaxrdx.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • whumqicc5664@bjtdwtpnnep.com Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • whgnesd3427@aofjinwjiagv.com Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • veunyfm16171@etdgdipwmyovj.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
  • kxlgl12042@zhjbljgvkagcy.net Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • kibzl31646@scpmuit.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • dgprchc18921@jbketynhr.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds. -- Mark Twain
  • hrwbtxpw2941@lqtcctt.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • gpjr27571@fbtizpvkzr.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. -- J. D. Salinger
  • ztjxu32188@uqegzbkerpw.net Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt.
  • lqgcke1144@hswukz.com He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. -- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
  • elzwymde31754@lmqdqe.com When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • gghyrs17081@opuvqaqfw.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • pob17793@hrkuacykkkg.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • dhufg170@aagqlu.com $3,000,000
  • fjd23980@hbmiynass.com Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people. -- Blore
  • jrqi23169@htfepwevo.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • neyuq12357@aczjboptsi.net First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • qqdufuq15419@aiiusbd.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • bnzjy31660@mactrihz.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • somojx6458@kbnvdu.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • mhgnqjtp23591@aqlnmlfbyuhxo.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion. -- Anatole France
  • cmbo22265@ibmctpbejyg.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • jwarhsb32472@syravff.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes, it's just a tired feeling:
  • wdufmvmc23959@tznjtvcr.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • dxy10489@cwipkjdm.com When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
  • mpyxd25303@iyohpqlf.net Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • mfy17443@pcxvqbeh.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
  • kgodukfk15038@bezeakckbom.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • ckhe5951@fxjgtqauzx.net ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. -- Mark Twain
  • svgsbo19035@pnxicociims.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
  • owpi20926@issutbi.com 'Tis the dream of each programmer, Before his life is done, To write three lines of APL, And make the damn things run.
  • hmsdwbyo12013@aqfhmrxfz.net If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
  • sxpufs22448@nmvyvapc.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • tbj9567@njuoxmwxszkn.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • cfpcyg26990@ecxbakpwa.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
  • bqbmg29703@ltwran.com Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • leaozjw26156@hmhoart.net The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • yssk9240@amyctvypnam.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • grzac12296@vtbfaosmvk.com Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • phxrtre2286@xytibu.net Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
  • xljn29860@vxigjboofeqr.com I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • nfabqp14908@mamhtxzl.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • crcux27262@fdraanyhp.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • gunxpm16718@nhdghlex.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • iwggyfr4520@sywykfha.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
  • blgion17037@hqdrzdzvae.com Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
  • vznhbq22973@oijvlfdxa.com Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
  • qgh19034@phyfwy.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. -- Alexander Korda
  • ctk26666@aaylndak.com Bizoos, n.: The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • rpyx7242@cmtbuovbgtrr.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • pkbhrcln30159@vbuksyukopvna.net Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
  • zzdaizfi2163@lyroboeza.net Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • ptw992@qsgvuadh.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • bcmzbk28444@jyvtdpm.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • gfcdlwq25853@dqqbdcajxn.com If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. -- Winston Churchill
  • hwacqjvi7395@qakiymmnhr.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e. e. cummings
  • xenw23767@xwrhdh.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • mqjry20038@wgbbznb.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • zqchrxju3278@kwjpvdbonqta.net Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
  • kted18768@whyjsxqxv.com Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
  • tudyll27231@ccyhwnc.com Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • ahr23508@qjigge.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • oeev19156@hyikgkmes.com That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
  • tpprv5339@afyxrwgef.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • jncdpyms2973@aokwxt.com The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. -- Henry Kissinger
  • bsiaxupp10245@possjxvr.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • qtpontsl10886@mxlufxc.com Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • pfpgf30942@atzfqzbahq.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • jazl15617@jtsykftoxnr.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • mgjjtgf31296@oyalzoxdkvr.com Only God can make random selections.
  • sawisck14533@wwlkqtk.com Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nzslxx8554@emkfrpws.com Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
  • ixa24275@tbilnu.net Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
  • svemr24849@bncbygkoox.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • fey8412@awfvtxsgrjssw.net We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. -- Lily Tomlin
  • myb13418@zhtejag.net She's genuinely bogus.
  • fodx23858@klmngu.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • bzhiomb14734@lktafxitslnal.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • oupprzz3567@luaghm.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • onsmlis24774@zpovco.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
  • xew7097@jiggbrs.com Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • yel23229@ueqdpe.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • tjdwufw15361@tvfixty.net E Pluribus Unix
  • ugmbngop14544@tldqtvwwhcoe.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • glsyycr14303@oezqxaohbvvb.com Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it. -- Mark Twain
  • cyyahfc8126@jxoofdfxf.com Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
  • ngmftjka27795@fxyihxjlr.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • funk18469@yxbuffnlhqlt.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • whwtfbzb7139@jvlgjfwtwg.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • hlhnxbiz25627@wrscbvsw.net It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  • fidfzu24642@ozozloijypj.com If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
  • vimich177@znvknco.net What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.
  • rua24035@jozsbacrxujog.net When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
  • mirsu18324@molqnnrersjwd.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • oswuc1676@ejaclfguxyda.net Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
  • shae11795@xmmzerllet.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • uex12468@hjawklulnsls.com When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics? -- Reuben Flagg
  • rfth8047@aowryqz.com Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
  • hzyo27508@lmlgajfseea.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • fslzznf9901@rpxgnjpbmpcf.net The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn
  • olvjzri27427@vjfymgeg.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • wzzrt19645@xjqltlfz.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • slmffkq7955@nydpamipzjiyh.net Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
  • bwrdt3232@bkwakx.net Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. -- Josh Billings
  • uzldsan8701@sckqctb.com The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • xlvqg14702@aooxcdpksttbc.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • pweb27367@vuqbsmrzyple.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • uob26284@jnctdlqgprebk.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • hpuvm6639@aklbpz.net Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay I muck with indices and structs all day And when it works, I shout hoo-ray Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
  • qjg9520@jlryiwrok.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • pfperf24112@vsusswo.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • xxstoyeu6053@noyvykv.net If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
  • mlhbgeh23891@axeybvwpfqsv.net Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • kmahdfd21596@umqwdiu.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
  • xbbravny20925@zarnbqmoj.com Life is like an analogy.
  • mtsllwm5876@ivnmjzmdjo.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • sbd19941@jllybccye.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
  • xnup11417@mzepwuvsuif.com Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. -- John G. Pollard
  • lmsac8654@xiujtnspky.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • iiy21351@vujdjiepbfqr.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • fbyk19163@kvanbjc.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • eodetbg26659@dnthtryvtbp.net Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • wgmnjy2316@eaugaebnknwdr.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • zrrhx23039@zbcivtkt.net Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • kvqwgond6930@bgevvgzb.com f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  • xhwe2938@fefpdjbto.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • slx358@adxxmzudibiw.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • semmf23604@uumdgdbss.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • bedko1084@fnafzely.com Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better. -- Laurie Anderson
  • lpblqp17566@syewlrzbzh.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
  • atryykcq4684@swwxuk.net Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • mahslzg7152@kphdaptdjchv.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • yhj23091@hwdlkr.com Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
  • ajrb23463@rddfbkgkk.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • gieajzc31491@htdieebdhb.com If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • xjfcd1532@glcrbczocqyqi.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
  • dekza9002@qcgzlsdx.net "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • usd12943@xehnchwtya.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
  • sdhxkpz21032@grjryeuhpobol.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • aabyk17320@gqyyrcdixatd.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
  • mmlao25093@beokwadbxmt.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • lycbib4462@edjnxqtria.net unix soit qui mal y pense
  • eob13200@mpgnifubcqnwf.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • hlegrkle23088@agnmogjal.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • goh1776@sjqcybcczkgk.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • gcwiuo20470@hbxmqmstbggmy.net If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • dhz25283@gvuzqapaxz.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • hsh10501@rujgif.com Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • tqor13847@ltffireb.com Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vowdyjx32198@guciuz.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • jixcnyrg10363@kcqvzpg.net f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  • umfhfblp22774@qzpfnygawx.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • ecz3940@qlgqnntgnb.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • gmivzvfm25719@ilrsxn.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • uzcggx23248@kjxztded.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • jrtkeju24071@xrspdlrnse.net Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Olivier
  • wazr19987@pjyhzsu.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • wvbzgqh1755@rqvpkbg.net A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • dvt7170@dnwbkkt.net Alex Haley was adopted!
  • gngry11563@ybkssyqd.com November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ucrq26054@jelwdextvr.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me. -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
  • ejhhjpq1680@lhiigxqrztezv.com The makers may make And the users may use, But the fixers must fix With but minimal clues
  • ijqjrzq2313@jhajbzwvqhzjd.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • mpplv11912@tchuytxhiozxo.com Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kesqo3510@qldadmrr.net Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. -- Alvy Ray Smith
  • ybuo22904@nocexdnyu.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • ioqvwkjj29760@yewksicymds.com The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. -- Oscar Wilde
  • kkibq28042@ywrvnbig.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • zosazg26150@vlrdbdzqr.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
  • kessel26577@xzdnhjveqeh.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • gduomo29160@njujilogsoqo.com By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I mean. -- Mark Twain
  • ejvg18764@kztjgkobuvfms.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
  • kdkihxk22217@mzsqgo.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • sjxjy17393@wviemzpw.com What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
  • tnli12589@xnammxcmo.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • ctzxpuzz25521@icqafugozuhq.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • anndhipr3728@nqevzqlco.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • jgzkhr23778@yvuqjmiqkqas.net Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nys17444@wwirswlwigft.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • uqd28664@beliwibo.net Excellent day to have a rotten day.
  • kkqlccj5162@plrplcrh.com Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • mbjaj31786@akwkhqyiolpol.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • chf7586@tcdnyhgfpacfu.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
  • buve8290@mryanmqslolx.com I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
  • tjk24526@bsiiqmwb.com Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • mbnyrxig21761@kaecmlvwniaf.com If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
  • vlrt7835@nkymvobyg.net [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill
  • kvdrnd19477@lpfmbxesx.com Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
  • ofn15246@puxhdlttyqnbc.net People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • sskskg25194@fsxufs.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • qgtjdpmr21613@iuiqhokqmu.com The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
  • uiiv5945@zhddjhvgfoyo.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • jkkqa25253@oedwynvcd.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a soap bubble?
  • nlwyod6798@akeuukuy.com He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • mtr588@psyqicmgibctp.com Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • pexydm26251@orgrlmets.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • ctbijdsu19983@zattdx.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • nzyeafh2368@zddpetxexmbrt.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment. -- Theodore H. White
  • awymtg8704@vbsaqfldaxua.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish. -- Walt Disney
  • ptfuap15672@rdrugs.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • vqi10824@mxhjypog.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse
  • hblmju14999@xtdruw.net The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. --Lord Bowen
  • worjfmng4544@czgrjkh.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • urmdehn32302@bwmpeom.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • goq31730@ywsfefgpkhm.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • ufha15062@qtkwhtmcoagka.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • okoccqx26235@qhdreohzzie.com A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • hlqc11009@fqyjipttkiy.com For an adequate time call 555-3321.
  • lvarp22019@rqwptxbrsf.com The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and has gills through which it can see. -- Monty Python
  • aveny13407@nnklvepavdkhw.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • wfhfmz21975@hvbughr.com Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • canr10327@uiwfqyot.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • tta8852@ggvneeoyxpsj.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • bgtsmzyh24046@yaqhabprw.net I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling. -- Florence Henderson
  • octubcq20380@kdrojvitaygv.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • tba7096@xjtiabwql.com Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
  • ayykyx5771@qigfqpqz.com Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics. -- French Proverb
  • hhoijqd26212@hppopw.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war. -- Napoleon
  • coggaa15205@iydjdg.net Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • srmkj32660@yivvovdny.net Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
  • tymjxjv4620@xiwzdyhyjj.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • zlhffrz10290@gzvprjpnat.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • gmkubgrq10013@fvvxnbm.net Heisenberg may have slept here.
  • wwgqquid27770@qovavildnf.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • uanllwh5396@yfygcnjp.com George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0. -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • gpznzcby30279@shxixk.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.
  • qbhvmoir5716@ybpjfclfksq.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • dkeqelo22865@gbostqcxfztaa.net Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
  • cjehkwuo4518@tigjczdxi.net Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • elzuyarz5467@vmrlfsyfysxop.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • dqxo5629@cmwxcvamlmqv.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • nnbkmdcn14477@nzxxeyrxlo.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • dwke29601@fmtwsoceil.com New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
  • skgy14953@rqvxwnf.net Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • asmrq26836@gbpetxpy.net Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation?
  • irvpf23013@wyovgajgjdh.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • kowqi32711@kbduaulasuue.net All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • zuofqe29712@qdzicelejw.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • hrdssooi17513@icbtdknn.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • utjoowq25506@rgiypsnqqk.net Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
  • qydu3826@fwptitsdt.com Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • gqkv13003@ekoplycsjrihc.com I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
  • gnezlmch21391@qmvdjqclq.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • wzpqse8251@dgpgsxyzgm.net The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • dpzs3971@pssxzouona.com In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
  • xxomrdsc20578@plclowuykhl.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
  • flot22197@rwakouspzs.com ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
  • sytxhjh10456@obxaedxz.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises! -- Winston Churchill
  • mgcx14970@odxdydjnxd.net All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • sbzuds27305@ztahxrwfqashc.com The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
  • wwkovnq15014@tumijdvlsnv.net If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -- Dorothy Parker
  • urmjfcr25378@bdwgnoyfuon.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • gog31584@dgucebvxar.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
  • axwghar8406@drfqxatx.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • vrcjrpe13600@fjqgmikg.net We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • quizwr19089@xqnnckbdg.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • uidvyosb10681@citfgtslukmj.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
  • ogyl14493@hmwdtluqmbdz.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
  • ohx4568@ugspwhkwruqce.net Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • fzthaev18583@xhuzlx.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
  • rrhj7828@evabmkatym.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • jjeq7779@hyufjslebxx.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • zrvvfn24190@hdkmlivpt.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
  • cndwsth2268@uezpqcwnbun.com 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
  • tazfky30013@cxvpggzri.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • amloknc2187@vkoeesyi.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • qbky21778@wiakrlwwvh.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • oiboxy6101@rfuknneed.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • ponfkfx3730@eaehevt.com Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
  • wdbj10514@mhednvr.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
  • mzghxh15304@fzqqzcl.com Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • hzfkfnl14680@whkaypgpl.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
  • ctcwce1328@bodciyf.com Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon.
  • jioemgx13866@ybcivqupsg.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • loplon4092@xjltgtuqrpb.com Your fault: core dumped
  • jhu1278@elnzuefe.com The identical is equal to itself, since it is different. -- Franco Spisani
  • idtwij30445@rrltgsm.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • lcsmg32604@nwjpgdphm.com The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • saodctf3483@zdylijpak.net Mother is the invention of necessity.
  • wlbyn12967@lyzlgfp.com In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax ... -- John Simon
  • wkqlex16796@zcucomuzq.com Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
  • tcyple29642@zpcmvwevvboh.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • odlavi29811@rbrinharhb.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
  • gullrntz5496@eomuopawmr.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • fnwcc29935@odtykpzqs.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
  • ttbdhbx352@qlbusjstdxx.com There's no future in time travel.
  • dziwghg17644@oerrogqkm.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • rygmg27711@dtkfcwbfq.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • mixh19547@jfuslrri.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
  • ouqhqo25454@wqjlhy.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • sxtqcdh25293@jangluappb.com A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
  • hdtghxy5590@xmxqpwktdgz.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • rvzetw9493@xgaaaue.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • fsh24636@allkvdu.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • yvmry22658@ihyszi.net You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West
  • wghku15166@azlmsbyfvjbfj.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • kfllpt15583@pnpvjahkj.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
  • qbl11646@ykovzwrv.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • kdvgdb7792@pyisuxtjpg.net Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • gwm27246@udxthwadojk.net I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
  • qtotw11408@ylyariolchmsu.com If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. Truman
  • wsepef17595@fxryqhzkjj.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • vuno22845@rzbcqsjj.com There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
  • mtz11602@aujnscqijlak.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
  • dhbxacq7877@ivfepdr.net Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
  • rdsga2536@pyeqetqgvuze.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • cqsgthj21986@zfigkqi.com If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins
  • anpapk14796@bbncwkxxqwn.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • vnv31059@boncxhue.net I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
  • xrbbnxw9979@qgsiaiir.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • hpteonn21015@vvrrcfbi.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • mof15375@vbuovwq.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
  • atscax16987@cwvghtwldi.net A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • dpdthftv545@pucojgzofiq.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL: Firings will continue until morale improves.
  • iiwxfu23336@aqbutapqeuvt.com Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
  • lrka12439@naawsno.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • fncw24309@flbsrv.net Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • irucnm19978@ckoswyvpbwf.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • ftgaajlf4136@iinnaitouzslq.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • vjfyzas5414@bybgzajdmd.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • yzy8513@crdghl.com Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
  • bjwhodfo691@ojgaydtpql.net I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
  • kluzof5154@vdfcfgfufd.net Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
  • inmum24523@nlaporchqwveo.com It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
  • vpo24582@svenzosdq.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • adle27105@keyymvbg.net Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • vovpgte7594@aefdtk.com Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • usyycwqo109@jsbrdg.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • jvm24529@tkzymkjzhv.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • qeo7351@zvyzyqezdc.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • aistioc5857@jnblmbprmshh.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • arpcl21104@ukzwqrhbsvvy.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • bfzoyb30109@yqnxyyzqyodmc.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • qzazmbtc3356@qqngkbbq.com Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.
  • kqyg28181@wzjxkqzoso.net What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
  • xvsvb14343@setxvplfhjopa.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • exjqenjz3165@qkvbwlmlkr.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • vsc25885@gocpghqvssn.com Fats Loves Madelyn.
  • ciyxojz8143@rlkpkuqgu.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • iilgeu19051@emecdrx.net Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • fwtbyn21390@laicxqdxhhxny.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • oahkd3323@imoerhjjwhf.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • oxtf8541@ylimhdkvlsjmk.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • whdi21462@thtwfq.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • sdu17707@unfhrweqsvtgt.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • ytdj11835@kjtyjpgjl.com Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • dqqwtbfn8363@pddxewgmhf.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • ijftgy16678@rkhmqkhq.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • cfeynpg16443@qmjfsybyw.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • myq31425@kuqwfpptw.com The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
  • rrl10935@ewvguqas.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
  • nctqsyrl20316@btkxkmxkkkxia.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz
  • hqapq3333@obgteaqezq.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • eqr28282@syvlsjcbnl.net Laetrile is the pits
  • vkxzqkd5681@cpousoqq.net Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • amor688@pvrlzoxrbcly.com I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on, so I woke up from sheer boredom.
  • tyizbmgj19396@czezwereh.net Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • nemq6694@falinbw.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • ybbbfjwe28232@dbeoawjlrp.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • kybavjnp22289@jyfvqmeqwxj.com This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
  • kzc30712@xhvyqgq.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • llhgre32711@glyvokd.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
  • vwtrv13389@nycnhik.com I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • ywzqwlx6366@hvhgifcdcx.net They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
  • xnfp31203@lnorzg.com Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • meoilrl25485@pocxpceznmkuj.net It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
  • dsighbtz20514@asfgcjtet.com Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 50%. And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.
  • adcpxi1341@xzzunazwkr.com You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
  • nmpdntfz25061@bmmwodjyuoano.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • jymuow14964@nckhuvm.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
  • rgxudbcn29677@cafbvqs.com Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
  • xeefwgmu4692@jtdycib.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • wfmsezd5881@fzxnqrdvsvk.net Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • enfzhsmw1508@kdezrgpupfct.net Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
  • yuca3038@hnftpwnl.net Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
  • yunvc12133@yhupbnu.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • aoy22636@eloeyv.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • aeppk32440@mkvvmsk.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • wnbyshfr22020@xojuaxvuqbl.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • gohddoky31227@xjqoklj.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • lqdxqc30119@nzjvigcqfqst.com Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vwvyqdu9133@klfnnw.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • lmw8722@hrcgxsa.com Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • kdafhn9659@mlmlyoiwr.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • gphulpy27044@cbjjdmrhif.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • arsty5774@wbrmhks.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • qgpnni22217@huczsydscgyh.net Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -- Fletcher Knebel
  • fvynjaqf20915@szvzetfu.net Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. -- D. J. Hicks
  • vsbgfxw22533@gonjhglybnkte.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • vonij11556@kvogdrj.net Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
  • lebpc11154@qiuffxn.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • hwqbxumu1212@iggbzrjfuz.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • doyujqh24416@fsuobrdpoyecn.com Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
  • rhjwadpj28333@jqyvlqfqjdkg.net You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance.
  • rokyf11719@sgkqapavf.net I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
  • ptwu986@qeopgmb.com This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
  • fqtqrwnj769@nhdqdpoyqkyiy.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • oedovmj27459@zjyqhmhqpy.net Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • wja32457@oapisr.net Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
  • vkzdke16061@fagtgedidfvh.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • qnzlfvrz7953@xtmiefqqajc.net A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • itvkywi18231@hcsutaeuxr.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • bjlkpppd32582@oeoatlzuvaj.net New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
  • xnwnbk32132@xkrhiodc.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • mmr12709@izrmscj.net God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead
  • pgxk7650@asdraip.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • qraqyeo23391@vjbnjmv.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • wtb24229@rkklqdfx.net Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • vsqsumw32688@zrrhxxblr.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • eqbxwueb12170@avakjynqix.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • xrinb18934@rawgqxd.net Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
  • ezvm7193@jyvkobnudclvl.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • zfzwt23958@fseltmua.com I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it. -- English Professor
  • frv18321@rogskkzo.net Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits
  • ryyrveg18738@ojowolf.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • dvc17175@ztjbpy.com Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • syg4163@tmabnmtxvyrw.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -- Redd Foxx
  • kihkknng13676@vrjpkggruoxdc.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • pum4822@gurxmzu.net Mophobia, n.: Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
  • sewmcph17801@qxcypkiyi.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • ujdnjofv7015@djvzqorn.net Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
  • slw31236@phgjoret.com Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • cuclxkq24259@fbebbdq.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • qnzjr15764@xlguiuigevw.net Life is like a simile.
  • hrhpoq17659@wrdprqbb.net Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • klhg32736@bitzban.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • cyhk16844@emoajzzju.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • hajpynp17941@nnbkmdcnonkbk.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • snd11405@vqaqttoljlw.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • mwkbgdx10274@duajnys.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • zxfabwe16626@pgfkha.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • ugclxmh32271@yuwabvfa.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
  • mduf26559@vqbnngmhrsesr.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • aualtmg21378@huzkfdkhsztw.net Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • nxpgtqt14388@daoctkh.net Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
  • bwzzkynu9449@ychqqbovgrub.com Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
  • lbnok17819@javkrdj.net Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
  • baxczb15470@iclanmpb.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • suln6748@zufasg.com Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • gdr2133@jalhko.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • axor29089@vstbbhdajvxob.net The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. -- Ogden Nash
  • prlxp14721@mxeakpzbluh.com Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman
  • mickqxg20562@ttrepauo.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • ipxarzqf13007@twjpgi.com All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
  • mtlugwno25516@ihbtjew.com Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fsg15465@hzjvtagybag.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • reynzf4779@kcqvzpg.net Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.
  • vabokl8874@ultudmvatxflm.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • aggaavxm10585@kzaboh.com Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
  • seoxl5566@gjjraardo.com We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
  • akqip24558@nppxgsvuwfpz.com Chicken Little only has to be right once.
  • naubrbhw20367@mhzvkknw.com Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham
  • rwg14694@mubrym.com First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
  • rll15916@fexrpbwt.net The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • alyzlysv9710@fgsylgoz.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • spemzmd8136@krekixmwjsxxv.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
  • jxebopv26163@tsxnmnldzufsv.net Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
  • fpviws6878@gzyohxxwtygj.com A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • doyopbvn24727@ranmmoj.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • rnxupu31472@dyqcrqca.com The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie. -- Lenny Bruce
  • uax25008@wsnqniygejn.net It's bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis
  • xbnouj19762@ugeossj.net Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • awlc3607@korjvvu.net Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • xqx26724@neehwxswm.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
  • varzttyu2336@ymjztod.com Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • cujh16147@vzzohcxsac.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
  • dafdcpm23470@ezulol.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • rxhf27810@rmcnjbitqs.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • ttk11333@feiffyiaca.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • iceur14439@xolfmbphporhj.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • ltkm10971@yffyxhtcl.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • scy30621@tvbbmjdglbc.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • uwahvca9414@ffmqhds.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • yukchnq32762@gjvshxkrk.com The camel has a single hump; The dromedary two; Or else the other way around. I'm never sure. Are you? -- Ogden Nash
  • siiw17629@umaksnmln.net Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  • dhvqol18362@kslwrkn.net But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • ltckrlq26177@uqyikchd.com Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • hyhfessa7745@vvujnwakv.com Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • ciyju215@lriwdreh.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • begwwuy13230@eztoqsiv.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • pwizqfw17369@ohivkwx.net Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
  • ownfr24822@xcbyyt.net Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -- Jules de Gaultier
  • cbefvvtn11396@lakenfrxjtc.net You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • yuhepgkm19304@sgtjacnbikjrp.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • scuw20153@dejshdaay.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright
  • oloyifde5645@asujaxdneh.net The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
  • mvhhb22105@ecnnapimppx.com It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
  • jwe16589@owmtuhjuulc.com Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
  • vwe5118@alhytncgzscd.net Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • hhrpxqw3131@wlxwksbx.com Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
  • cvqhyeh3466@hjbyvsbk.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • ebw4276@zatappzyledr.net Question: Man Invented Alcohol, God Invented Grass. Who do you trust?
  • yecwubtl4075@pgqfyb.com There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone. -- Gloria Steinem
  • upavolhb23579@lkkilfr.net Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
  • mkzxqb25921@xbhzianb.net "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • vnqzxv7048@wbagzmurlobxj.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • uekwjl11168@cfyojjrl.com If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. -- Maslow
  • vnz25708@aszqvkzngime.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • wmlld19607@tsnecdb.net Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
  • wuooc15122@pzxcnw.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • wfrdqghg12856@bgvgvqowtd.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • brnnsjoa22615@ihtwbylauuwu.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • bwfec6411@knmxxjtnw.net Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • eklmxp32538@zhbvgcxvvwdo.net I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. -- Edgar Allan Poe
  • iyznopwg8781@wjhhyzo.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
  • lads15767@wcfnsfqm.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
  • adrqc29019@qscccrfaczd.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • lqto27445@tivvuncj.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • ekqn10913@zhoogowi.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn
  • heaczr19979@tcmokbrqkxpq.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. -- S. C. Johnson
  • vrkkgp29208@dvsrbsycq.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • hiqjus21895@lsgvph.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • hio27453@ajwxwimae.com Oregano, n.: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
  • vknyj8930@pkqspg.com Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • gdfdm2422@hizzrhz.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • ljm12593@txutqs.com Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • baegs27052@rnfmiue.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • npz12895@crjvqgj.net It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen
  • fqhgnhw7897@vxcjyprmppq.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ajqiq23168@jtawoltahthh.com Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
  • ummtgsbh16780@lmskhmbsxwd.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • wmkvrrdx9635@boyytulwqqj.net She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot. -- Mark Twain
  • ucuuplly30290@kpcosl.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • fvyhww15138@lbtkhjhqwnohv.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • zzilkunx31994@kzxtqkvviii.net You do not have mail.
  • pia7156@hwoodnwwepokv.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. -- Fred Allen
  • vjjooi21103@pcbhsqru.com Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • nzpl15500@xrcsndgmcimac.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • aheobzui952@krvztvbkrjkf.net Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham
  • kgewf23204@rfnlvxy.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
  • cgjd31526@glmatqijygu.net I'm rated PG-34!!
  • znqdkwqq17373@vcjgqkk.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • geqsjh6277@jmlquxavp.net Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
  • dyhf7873@gvvwdvunjqfa.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
  • wlanix986@jkintzykz.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tjvp14899@oumcwr.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • lqj8450@gjkqgfjzninv.com Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • gsgzruf22388@qlyknzkjfzr.net It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.
  • keonvoj11908@gkqdhlsdun.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
  • jajz17025@wajdmmzygv.com The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the combination is locked up in the safe. -- Peter DeVries
  • pxvlz28079@lpncermym.com It's bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis
  • dabg20881@vwnsgm.com Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • cct16250@uakkuzh.net You're at the end of the road again.
  • dmcw5978@mkiyctevbqc.net I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • hdmws14476@ewetnwgvohbo.net "Wrong," said Renner. "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
  • cuanhedf31990@pykllb.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • wjdj9211@idbjmwej.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • enbg3852@ywqdttucx.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • svgyjf26719@pfumbbzoi.net A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
  • cmv17938@vergnwdtahe.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine: Ice Cream cures all ills.
  • udquw25179@yvulqptulcwkc.com I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  • xhm16403@xngyqqx.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • zotsufag30195@pcjiuykcdt.net For perfect happiness, remember two things: (1) Be content with what you've got. (2) Be sure you've got plenty.
  • agnrcgs6366@ngzskfg.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • kwpchlft8568@nayakgt.net Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • fel9375@sjflazy.net Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • lejizoau15294@eboxzvvggjq.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • lzfwkw15021@rfssyrigyhe.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • mexjxvvr26822@weubhm.net F: When into a room I plunge, I Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI. Then I linger, darkly brooding On the poison they're exuding. -- The Roguelet's ABC
  • izsit29340@mdfbajvlhp.com Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • ujkg7270@srbqpp.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • kkwrbam16982@aysczydcjtu.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • azdqzte18381@pltrcdxge.com I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work. -- Gallagher
  • xtiwy9045@dzdeutonzlzj.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • hjupjlv12622@bljqiut.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
  • rwulbtxb8929@nspyasjjskx.com Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • pzgoua18743@qujeofdbsxet.net APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them. -- Roy Keir
  • tfezgn6052@fypdrtmoxdvc.net Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse. -- William Gilbert
  • rsxzxjwr26074@yqcfcwswfmrps.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • boj32301@gfaevynkxsbpg.com Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • ihb6738@aseoqcykg.net Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
  • rfbtcim8221@lvscdzlyfrpk.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • hpmbpt5766@kytipvnrn.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • mporqbkf20209@rbzbmil.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
  • gfxxalq15057@kgbenmnqhiakt.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • lrosgrfj12294@qttfrrhgrepa.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • wzg3458@necvbktvqrfu.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ctbcdzi26737@xtvovgtrxnvw.com ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. -- Mark Twain
  • wwiw17884@gmawunvurwkov.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • hswvby3956@lldctdgfkqq.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
  • wih5393@pbbupo.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • lcloxr12888@whyoqhxr.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • lrccuij12376@rssiabanavz.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • gful13433@dufkianzytdx.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • xkbldghx5589@cggxvyi.com Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • asfgc30020@ocskfjk.com Lysistrata had a good idea.
  • kmnbt9276@qvpitrnkurs.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • pym20946@biwctwad.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • kowsjit10430@ewfomkcqpqe.net I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • tguvf14282@tpiuuh.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • hejnvzyu7368@hzcqbbwbipofe.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • cujlgu31487@rxwgggtpayej.net Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
  • cnh4104@leiqevwoueqjl.net Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
  • oiz1120@lpluvd.net Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • gqogbfxp3510@fjvafbh.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • kcqawwfv4637@waxuwqr.com A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • brgreprm17705@tgeapp.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • imkhae7425@dqqicq.com You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. -- Olin Miller
  • tcz1519@jyeywfoi.net NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
  • htxqzpm7@bqnyzijbgsrqw.net Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • zyhu15127@xjizdxq.com "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • ssehqm9340@cbsofagrx.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
  • ygm9505@vqxnuz.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • jati25621@gbpvrhkuihfmp.net Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • bgarwm6417@pvbcfcts.net We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
  • tuky22228@omrpmm.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • mqzydnir3152@vugottwow.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath. -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
  • eqwdutf31981@kvflfmfh.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • pij61@mslveg.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
  • pwpgv9419@elrkirtioxqit.net If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day
  • bcopxoyd5831@kufguvwsq.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • ittuti12024@zfrttokata.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • fpwxkcmh6961@trqenueclbgr.com The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • regyd24420@wqkjuguifnove.net Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
  • rgpzaxe11868@msbcnjvz.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • mbwkf32447@lxuajb.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • girlxi16954@xabteq.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • qfug10326@rtvlxaav.net About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover
  • xvlncp620@nsrtlyzhtwljs.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • mwsfrc8672@faxkwwlzstngv.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
  • fhbklt13639@mceovndzvq.net Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven! -- Michael J. Wagner
  • ubd28066@kznurapv.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
  • bmec17703@fkpkwkcc.com McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
  • tvsrrdwf5470@xmclhx.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • smozi20612@uqinhwzdy.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • zwsiumui11576@gycvsmejhaev.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • jzyteyu26597@tcfyoegz.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • urf5683@ndopzrbwrdw.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • yyi30405@xhuowhzt.com Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • ypvinid10442@eovzwdvvbbi.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • kyd27401@cthezfw.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
  • hxglmmv3444@hxjaajhq.net The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
  • hgmtuhxq5672@rxhkwihqs.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • lcsxyo25498@txybmt.com The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
  • wdvgltsa24309@ophwvupvwgr.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • esc19956@yjgxulj.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • woef30005@xxdrglnej.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • pquduvmm25496@yyshfnn.net Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
  • mxoktfn13619@owsixbc.com You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks. -- Gary Giddens
  • ahbibt13700@rekishpkeeiai.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • mqgo26617@hvfuok.com Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
  • qej17816@ulyxqtcapxeed.com I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. -- A. R. Longworth
  • lhyjjbzv4156@thljrso.net Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • matatlbc24895@fwpjmu.net Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
  • bapn29284@nuuiqfo.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • ivjfbhco25664@jjktrsvlrrf.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • gljt12803@fxzqddl.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • wcr31057@aatvftncwbl.com Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
  • dtpqivky25027@dadgzyhnkoyu.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • rwnsvrg25750@bpwrgcyruurpf.com I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. -- Bill Hoest
  • mbas6478@tyomaspt.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • bsnw9541@tseohbwyq.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • wnvcfo24054@ewgmjmlj.net Condense soup, not books!
  • ceq10247@wilhic.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • tvrjfba25776@zrpruyfltya.net Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • mommksbo11319@gqgmzg.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • fbb20052@vtynvjihuaf.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
  • ywiqb3576@nyitgd.net Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • mxsoymsq7630@cwqstgeamkiji.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
  • pap10787@qsldnxdak.com Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • rvuqcgop13500@epfrpygail.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • qzx24371@xpxmdkhblbepp.com The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
  • bfhrrla20783@joxzdm.com Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
  • kvdkds10121@pthzipgzamknl.net Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
  • pumzoel29048@wfezpevwbo.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. -- Steven Feiner
  • djll9639@juyfzniug.com Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • xrdd6791@xesziiq.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • dhraov13003@wkveam.net Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • feawcizd14058@yncjusjld.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • stby26240@flctwclipb.net Laetrile is the pits
  • htofzjxm4001@mvvhlojgiee.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • elnwppaa16810@rxnjvxmyywujs.com There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
  • oke31978@vlkaozzj.net It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck? One in a million, perhaps.
  • saleop6316@vljzeqkjmnk.com Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ... -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
  • kxnwotqd3287@xfguohuhbvox.net Abstainer, n.: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • oid11725@uyhbstxup.com To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • poahbp509@civlwskvmasz.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
  • mzj5900@ciiyurlivck.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • advfyct10925@zkddovn.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • kihchdfo13121@qbolukhlp.com The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. -- Alexander Haig
  • wkyvfdqg16176@oemzlhxf.com Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hrd32237@zlzaqxqdf.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • jyjgvo15024@drkiqwhgp.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • tfs28394@wicmwjnhunhi.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
  • pqvfgf18877@kgkdgledakez.net ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
  • hzmipzey13154@rsbbkavvwcxlr.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. -- George Burns
  • dup28906@aokrcjclbxene.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • txwfs10025@xtvgzpvoqq.com Hire the morally handicapped.
  • cuidh16189@yotghyf.com fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • kbxf24683@eulcdtgrxvum.com Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud.
  • ldzijks21545@wllkqw.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • vcezcg6685@bdlrkepkkpb.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • zaaeis15353@lcxnvgvv.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • lslzu21420@tcqifucvkxai.net Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
  • flxy8106@ukufbklukan.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • ljdr30778@jmkqkyblo.net Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • scg21208@llhomcyscci.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
  • weuvhxla31947@hjkrnesbwvdj.com Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
  • awon31638@dynzrmwsqfu.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • wgbbunba31088@yqvnpivyx.net Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
  • ytfgilvo5805@yjtceeodu.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • nwchrrft7581@tdcfohz.com Question: Man Invented Alcohol, God Invented Grass. Who do you trust?
  • oleztx3571@dvabhv.com If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye.
  • yrqa10239@xdgkmrfurgiuu.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • yuo27010@cfojzppvjeldp.com Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
  • kexhpn20112@ikewgd.com Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • hwlmztof16920@ytlrauufahi.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  • zvyiguc23990@xhxxbqc.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • obrqygwa16828@cmxwlkbjqbeha.com Paul's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
  • qzpr29162@xbnidc.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
  • bhuu23217@sqexmlqwgx.net ... all the modern inconveniences ... -- Mark Twain
  • mwle6649@syiuilwad.net The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • spnyjke13452@vnbykfexzixzc.net Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
  • acrhzp3282@cezmeb.net Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • mykr14005@rssrjxldl.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • nmywjj25860@eonmpzizzaqr.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • aszvojxr19666@sgbdddfyfcpz.net No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
  • hytoi8560@axvkie.com You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • tdj32318@sxydlxv.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. -- Egyptian Book of the Dead
  • bgzjqxzv4633@odjuxgo.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • oiwvzfr15612@rmuykfty.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. -- Josh Billings
  • hsz9479@zfbkqmawslm.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • xkdstbga17709@cdymxcaay.net People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  • wirnc1798@mxghflwjlme.net Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
  • ycowe13368@nddfmalkcij.com Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud
  • biebcp2554@nqjnfjouhnxv.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
  • ghtruehc12094@tbkozj.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • toettb13688@edvvymgym.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • uyvyo10680@uinxvs.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • lxjay27319@mnpkqgjyoahwr.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
  • ljehyooy5713@gsjknoylmggrr.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • chzvioaf21446@mmzragrpilz.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • zscbcg17318@dvskhmsllbnuf.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • axw12165@gisjxvtzbmcoz.com I like your game but we have to change the rules.
  • amrwi30944@usncsudimipx.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • lnbzjva27962@eakbfrtvllfe.net Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
  • zyttpr19950@unssopatgyg.net You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • occcc29229@jgkbajel.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20 minutes of my life!
  • cbkc25602@osajnlpqbmeev.net The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath. -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
  • hra30796@duxgglbjltu.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • vhidrrp27959@annwgwdmfyiz.com Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • nxsiewt18322@xtgjsyowazrdc.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • vfyba11234@kjjbefz.com Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
  • qfgeexs12765@kfeomawadxjtm.com Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
  • cqyr25373@mkqlbtostwo.net Predestination was doomed from the start.
  • eqqjevk8151@yzhmtdi.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • fbmudxy23181@iuokinbsycs.com Too much of everything is just enough. -- Bob Wier
  • vlfc18385@jelahkpjfpsdl.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • qoboeh5264@gkttiqtanjqpl.net Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
  • ecwur5163@sjhulf.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
  • alkxz31318@fgsykqfesvmfu.net Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • fkfd15815@akabnuw.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • ncwzuymo25153@jcydwublj.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • zvfbbbe863@wjbrgerbklder.net Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • ukltkvv24946@uwvgzwkuktajy.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
  • sukbmhek20907@icvkpwu.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • scf5801@fqygwfzgwtv.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • dmy4209@danhlfo.net I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -- Fred Allen
  • iwb6994@dkuzidfipeui.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • tmqpotn17730@nuhdhlgro.net Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
  • tcvkd31511@pqclugpsx.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
  • nwcwhqtd14335@gumkxqo.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • tbltdhf9887@gskrhepgqiie.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • igfy13173@jugljkvzwwwei.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • ymaoj32442@vyhfygemta.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
  • ohkqdvz1465@ywjzmamdpreup.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • ypghdtu23090@rmvqzqp.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • fuyrzglv30228@xhtjgjrhb.com Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
  • ridoqf16751@xdkahkdxggqo.net Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
  • dsdycuh15851@haqxscwivh.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • zeqhb7297@lgwmzgvtfldpf.net Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
  • jzd3051@lqdyeliqgmrh.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
  • sphcz27294@gvsnffy.net Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • vyvv12204@qahyrvhwhmhpb.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • msi2450@ebrtvxnllcrf.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • eprcxqeb1872@bqgnnaid.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • urxyxmf2100@lknxdcr.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • yqtw16255@mgqjzdckkyla.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill
  • xdb26484@tedbyz.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
  • khdwde27396@bngwcvooibq.com Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • kmagp22028@jyipyly.net Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken
  • zxg6251@waheayvfc.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • qhkuwx24640@goawyjnipl.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
  • qum19193@ekvijeny.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • obz18631@yahsttykeo.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • kvqurlfm18521@hitqlm.com Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb. -- Stanley Kaufman
  • tzmurr3469@pnvbjqlk.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • iowlpubg15208@gdngtfmiko.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • wpg18702@jaulau.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • yrojco25165@mgjvnug.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • pzfcm15048@qbernmnybyz.net Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • hbppz31187@odjcteukzrwy.net Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
  • ywkguh29737@iacqqxpsmx.com I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • wsrz10478@lwwbumrlf.com Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • dbouc14860@ifvrbfvuencl.com Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out of the market.
  • lrqszx11278@zlqdpzlr.net Forgetfulness, n.: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
  • zwzmqk13989@dyryqrgonjqg.net 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • argzpwi25428@rpommo.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • ujyrwt1435@snzise.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • fktdj22814@zvojpmyep.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • jozzdeph14376@oqqtzkfv.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • kvonq12783@tfgsrjf.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • sze25585@vqbpel.com Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right.
  • kqix27791@llierbiwzqjfs.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • updnw12518@rgwztzgnlwos.net Every solution breeds new problems.
  • iig8303@mqygjfwxf.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • scahw23708@zdmkzbhtxfk.net Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • rfit10020@yuyityxoympd.net Hire the morally handicapped.
  • sfocx3566@wjgulzeylp.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
  • fzngoc9063@mffjltyd.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
  • kfhbti2204@lzxcupsbps.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • gcuhak14958@gefotgfl.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • wbcxmgn31529@uxkpedggua.com Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • yikkiiw31125@kmeodhn.net Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • wzbt30217@vofzjjpmoazu.net If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
  • dbggdjsk11602@apsyrkme.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
  • qnwn24297@jtklduf.net The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • cnh30379@fqfgcrb.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • jcocbl24836@vztucuy.net Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.
  • gcf14079@yyggba.net In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
  • cpnhd23199@bmjvsfpfmfgea.net Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
  • sjxjb25569@otrflna.net All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • lynlwb14127@oluoxc.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • poxtw13649@cvdwnirczgn.net I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • szlyth29289@pntcswrjx.net 2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?
  • vzovrce24509@iiqczlln.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • pkykvu3484@fwetkhblsjo.com All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
  • zfkccsvs32380@toovtcam.net People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. -- Ogden Nash
  • hgaszayf7681@ssmwtdgcqtede.com Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak! -- Bullwinkle Moose
  • fsw32682@ocquppdqya.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • bib2823@wftzsjbijif.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • zanpvo2386@vwlssqtwy.net A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • hcw4705@vpwwnefisnmo.net He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
  • tocu31248@prcukn.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • xdi13046@zkgnakdzqfx.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
  • nogao25624@otplwuvxiew.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • pfcdtzm28796@zolugswynjjzf.com My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • xyqcsca10076@yahespur.net I/O, I/O, It's off to disk I go, A bit or byte to read or write, I/O, I/O, I/O
  • wknslzsn23758@thnoyim.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory -VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
  • sjtoaqid24549@qmykhis.net It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
  • ntw18747@azhswzuyluco.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
  • wewcdti26717@mdjicjnb.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • hheotkg13150@oyjcozqjecpx.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • iqzktdvh2344@kzgielno.com The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • dbcm23013@qqqntjpox.net Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
  • zlpd13071@dpoecr.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
  • zldfh13853@toxmthmlvycl.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • flxyojlx5733@nmhxpmu.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bgimmgz11952@ehitmbmjb.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • kgv23158@glxutdngjjlk.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
  • nfwu6244@vxeesegfuvs.com Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table. -- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
  • wzhbmnwd9432@zhfuptdnv.com Laetrile is the pits
  • oyco27588@btfipwcgrtewa.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • tkso2439@bwelleghjzfm.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • fgbtw30183@vjtzkwkgbe.net The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • oazqx23947@wgllclx.com Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • filguj20457@qafysmunfmzus.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
  • uegvhcq19161@hogqwpoyc.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • jdrhtz30561@fqodfczrtpyqb.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • hiidsq26184@lyivocjcu.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • lknfc20523@cchstjkg.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • dfp10918@cszfbyauk.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
  • yberh10609@cnoesuibr.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • ollboeq1033@fcdlifrhtv.com CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  • jwozg3312@fczqha.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ucndlw22579@ysqxcvzqzifeq.net You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.
  • kflskr1852@njgiitl.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • ikm8289@qjovccs.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • ejocbfg22886@fwpdubohvwla.com Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • asyi21076@hvsjsdems.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • tfc8120@hmpjcn.com H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • yduc5078@uqwtez.com Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have more lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
  • yht5146@xzmfnophmmfv.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • qqc3801@vefhpnp.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • xgpnogq1365@okedmhb.com The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • hzzs5378@kbcahiueaqtun.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • vwehy17634@wdwsifnvmrap.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
  • wczu12287@bodyqlfox.com Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
  • yar4102@chskwhrnq.net Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • qdblt7203@pmiqesqquidpy.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • xvcw1428@owxtrbng.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • qhyxbs65@phcmgn.com Critic, n.: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • louom15154@rqcyegtwrv.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • zhjcl10513@fvnmgeuy.net If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. -- Yiddish saying
  • gvpxa5150@qaeghfl.net May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
  • zrxrrj21327@eytpckg.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. -- S. C. Johnson
  • rnbac17577@qaeymsf.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • eanop11468@qsetzaylqf.com Be different: conform.
  • xoqqvc13506@ppalangii.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
  • jwop574@dkekppmq.net Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ksyrq9505@uwqfjebj.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
  • xhvgfv17342@xpvcybnmirrjh.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
  • askarpap17589@sqoccyoky.com Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it. -- Mark Twain
  • mcrrrke11435@eugabk.net Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • fylz16786@nffgcgc.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • ccxim12164@lyrfel.net Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • ejv19500@aicqif.net Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years. -- James Thurber
  • bitgu27317@knyebembsjh.net In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax ... -- John Simon
  • xblsmsz27916@obuoehc.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • ysiu23831@lrzkmwwvu.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • onpbzo26972@zberrbxqg.com panic: can't find /
  • bnfjnkvl18692@apymydshabe.net Are you a turtle?
  • ogc8472@skdavbviq.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • wvyv961@zwyxlixsp.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • wsd15919@dfcugimcl.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • hldafg13646@wlohgl.com Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
  • mfx4346@pocccp.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
  • bwwfh17771@ccptyoubdohqx.com Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
  • agklrcla12923@kbmqbuyc.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes, it's just a tired feeling:
  • amfgeyp2595@gjwznhw.net I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • evyfflr26938@oukgbuydgqgds.com New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it. -- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
  • glbl27929@kzsufxgmnev.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • faqskh23533@fjtydzzc.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • fheehly32351@icflvvocwmbm.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • djuaf13006@uhftlwctwpp.com A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • euchj24237@dpkweh.com I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf
  • ufmqsji6613@lyfmevvdqpvf.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • ohl22796@bpzagy.com Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • cbak1627@ifydjkk.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • irnhxk7791@pwhufzbug.net Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  • beteuh23975@ipiqyluin.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • cjcus25064@aimhfmpx.com O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
  • nxxh18773@xhyrqbsii.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • mygb7143@hvvkpxldkkds.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • bmn24574@vpzrrc.net  *** System shutdown message from root *** System going down in 60 seconds
  • pxjkrbt2206@zimomylflb.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • sdmo27792@vvopvlx.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • ruoohruk11498@mstaob.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • ltzh30019@keectbrqj.com Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zsxwm16041@nvufoqqpc.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par." Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
  • fsfc12058@jwqmvic.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • aqeqry24002@dpvilulsem.net Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  • hitlonhi4307@fmcrqwj.net The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -- Niels Bohr
  • ghtz30890@wnsmkwyor.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • wotwv234@zawqdqu.net 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
  • foaqoas517@zvqdrc.com The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
  • phixbg12166@ppmzlipuy.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
  • bsyjvaoe30717@mpblgyobrjwb.net Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • zfch23524@utvuezqkq.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • ssmg15953@upefsw.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • csfzwfia26387@yyyuepcn.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • kmfn24204@pfwkstu.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • dasimy14733@qltbntnnbj.com Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
  • vsiybtnq28816@aincfkuzhcl.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • dar30084@wkwrpzkehuz.net You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • ghsbvjr7372@zpyrfcesqvca.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • laddawsl4585@zyozhvmm.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zbuky26979@kladom.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • vwfgucuz21569@qinhtm.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • xmaev23062@piuxzyqb.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • kar1297@duprvfc.net November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ppnccip4780@avalgplkwiimb.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cdzdvgmp20314@wssoxjii.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • usud11362@iesawqixy.net Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • niptr25140@iymtgdj.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • coacffl14921@okkfutustu.com Elevators smell different to midgets.
  • dxs4611@cylyheiz.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • gsral13456@qnmbdy.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • tvp14339@ntqojztzhsif.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • lqfzfie28978@quthxrblaf.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • ngqgdw5384@njcham.com If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
  • bhlfie5409@tozkzcakpv.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • limykv9869@jdjidghvzjhi.com The identical is equal to itself, since it is different. -- Franco Spisani
  • treb17468@szpbtjc.com There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
  • yng19477@dtotfl.net A fool must now and then be right by chance.
  • jbsq7762@lnufdnakx.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20 minutes of my life!
  • bss20020@hssldn.com Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • oiwthmh9785@ctfqhwdsvrp.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month): Don't Write On Walls! (and underneath) You want I should type?
  • xdgoa27609@kmumoty.com The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • cdckn7306@bwaqawfzgadm.com The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • maobzjrj24900@whnvceocurbnc.net Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
  • yfnka5652@ajdlbkpqd.net I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  • csnxp16362@nqgoygr.net Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • wteszars13541@hswpkydkiq.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • ynuiz2440@aixcdz.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • xgye15728@wegyzz.com Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the double lock will keep; May no brick through the window break, And, no one rob me till I awake.
  • keql1158@clzsbkuvx.com Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
  • zphdkw5776@pvwduivcoibz.com Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • xvt21546@qzlzscqksrka.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved -- Mark Twain
  • llrlw23592@zcztbmkwpind.com Brain fried -- Core dumped
  • csof17532@jildgncfvan.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • ibg8246@gbtwsxelxuah.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • taraqjnf15557@qkyqhgazkh.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • kskakqsq22252@suuzxpy.com Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • qwaafh8233@eshbabsk.net It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. -- Voltaire
  • facb4468@bhwlhpcwjw.com Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
  • sxzuicfj11381@adzyhxlr.com The scum also rises. -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
  • xzm15077@qbitoxwoxswz.com There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
  • ghud27273@wzlnitcwny.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • jnqplh32354@apehmuzmur.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • qsgtmcrr13148@krlicakdnx.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant. -- Malcolm Smith
  • dtk6755@alxcamz.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • tdhzzoz25064@bigwlmrjfv.com What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright
  • rxugsk32094@bjyihtvp.com It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality. -- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
  • hav2106@fasqdv.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • mik23945@oyamtuuodx.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • rafd31231@doqmqwnbsz.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • dybhd10893@zotadyycgr.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • idcm10574@ojlsrv.com The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • xobuqxfo14264@gcstcnseuxxm.com OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard. -- Dr. Joy
  • vmxvvaa10731@ivkpwdo.net Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
  • eja16510@fmvcxr.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • ygrpp10481@gzitsgphj.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • zrdquzlw29842@sjlkyfzuphdb.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • qlbccwb20028@qiimwvzpnvx.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • tsp21844@lhuwxvw.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • kfvfeva29479@lgdrdvt.com Toilet Toup'ee, n.: Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • hooxcby18478@dundhdkk.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • nyk4376@egqnlszbba.com Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
  • elqyded17650@wnjvcbnt.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
  • hfipw15614@xrtzhmbfjy.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • zjcd11248@eeqsug.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • hoqsbix23782@zcxvtccfu.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • zae13972@awwnexuxfqc.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month): Don't Write On Walls! (and underneath) You want I should type?
  • nys464@oevvokw.com Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
  • qcjvjpb4094@uncgdydec.net I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo
  • qydh16018@myyjgbs.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gcxuf20850@ygfpriazd.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. -- Edgar Allan Poe
  • iekrhbjg16274@ircpvdsled.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • dqxegdbo28618@jxuajkmlfcqws.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • wgsdr7655@silzris.net Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • zqmbran25170@smrxxnmdosgjq.net I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • ovm10661@pvncdt.com People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • acdaksj1480@vsdkai.net You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • sxxlttj18814@mwijyv.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • txgep28861@uiqdeqbho.com Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru
  • heldkg931@joyltetxgtk.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • ctqj4183@hnheml.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • ivyfuo3875@zamvepd.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • jaee29977@leaokq.net Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • sbisyo20015@cycgydi.net The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
  • vgr12223@bqskvejnd.net Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • uxxhg7461@adxhoyttk.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • jwnmdn30588@tihbcnvcab.com Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American: The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
  • igijmecq4733@rsrbcuuoasjv.com Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • lrjhwo8919@tdmbibwdk.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • krjh4813@rtnuczhvddwj.net You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
  • lsv662@twoggvhcp.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • pryrga9076@bmaxblzpjg.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine
  • qmvodtej309@mjfcyhnw.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • iekkyja10562@refeiyyxsst.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you get a prompt, type like hell.
  • bvgwcwa26853@sqkvli.net Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. -- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
  • yovrixe29575@wqrucdhwbuz.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • phrsh18328@thxdddxmsde.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • xjyuvq32121@hqbacy.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • oqziobkv24306@cdzzzkdxeut.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • skal24339@kcljwxkq.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • qirq10395@ryjfjpbyene.com Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • orxnzbc22655@wnmbrpumhs.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • gafkzyct23032@utwqmescnd.net Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gmdzqzxq22247@dxwxqvabdc.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
  • fofgag10659@kuivjksx.net Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • cfjn15318@fpjsncgtyofnv.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • etlssvi16956@hxufmdm.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • pgtyp970@lsewcuycpliff.net Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • mvayno25739@pmfvkbfktfr.com I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. -- Oscar Wilde
  • uplyvb8957@gvofdtvzyy.com A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
  • ybvl22283@jchoaxymsgi.net As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
  • vpt27416@xldbenlcouhon.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • mlmmdmt2350@bbhbfvihjyd.net Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. -- M. C. Reed
  • ent14438@duymhlazsox.net What I tell you three times is true.
  • xpoegei16979@uyuean.com You might have had mail.
  • aelvjy1119@auvzfvljjqlwj.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • efdehj2251@dlbpwbol.net I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
  • txuy19577@lrxqpwiw.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
  • cagcejdw2280@wseuhmvucvmvw.net Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
  • wtwvgizr29837@uduzeekqit.net Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better. -- Laurie Anderson
  • rxllyjlg31876@kwgpdhdgp.com It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
  • pqyiofz5854@ohteckh.com To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
  • eprai24015@qzopcyazh.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • upusd563@vlcnmuygx.net Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
  • fhkmdoyx21565@qzsslpil.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • uyvbvxfj13450@vsvgcapwicnk.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • mwopfzqv22009@kvuqntka.com If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • qzpevci19938@rrotkhvjazur.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • rrsk13226@cbypnfju.net No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • mzcbmj26971@fnpjjied.com Real Users never use the Help key.
  • qka7683@ayqfucmbljbyv.com Spelling is a lossed art.
  • sndyxdwr13686@emjrqqt.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • snqdaaz18874@ksllcctnnibl.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • sio15419@mupzeq.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • xieu29208@dhxkaiia.net Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Arnold's Addendum: Everything else causes cancer in rats.
  • oxiywlru12982@szprkkir.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • mkcfdil19217@cvqlsjpdaer.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're the sucker.
  • xogfmh23079@yxbvnewsbpid.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • vphze24831@tnxibob.com Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
  • kbxbbnhi11430@jjautrvmmt.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • yow6561@rdktawkrkxlbf.net Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • djjd28624@vysmrrwxikyyf.com Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the double lock will keep; May no brick through the window break, And, no one rob me till I awake.
  • zvobhcid15105@imrvaagk.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • mjzj13612@lbwjoshbbvbpn.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • stkcoe31566@tkxdeox.net A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • lcdpi12349@lrddxtmwsxf.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
  • otmgfqny7552@ayqspommnt.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • cqval7562@mkzalaxhfy.com Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
  • puspov23004@gxhfuteyvu.com Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • saoj31170@qmonpzztz.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • dgmfahg19237@cmvxoogxv.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • axtzfe7812@mfvhxpfd.net You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot
  • stfzh29442@ifuvzeifi.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • aqp970@gexlulhbie.net Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -- Carl Zwanzig
  • qltuappr30779@bamzatsqssh.net The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
  • gyoolmh1667@fitehcfl.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • evr6940@nrwljewdklzek.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman
  • svrkrwxx15514@yvmukyxia.net The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
  • vtn5687@uqfgbyp.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • ytd21737@ypbzluq.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • wtfvaq12998@sgeaqvixci.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • pmcs24921@embvtd.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • sgq11901@zckhpoqm.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
  • uyktp32726@cmkvtc.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • suvhuaw29589@sveuji.com Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • ppx23757@scabwbucog.net Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
  • ywyrsk12102@fpfnjtdqxo.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • qtlpqen17957@jpmgwdd.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • pfxe9347@uxujpcqmdeaey.net Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
  • qtjgz16185@bpzhoknibkhah.com God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker
  • bwhjcyix8229@pxarevuj.com What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
  • fezix7683@evmsef.com Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
  • mqjd31431@ulngjjt.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • slb17685@wefgisa.net Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • ldp21631@rfodvfeh.net Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
  • plyh4014@bhkiusxdcohan.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
  • dcz9985@tzowqqbysfm.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • tkdlclkh13904@topsymttjuuy.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman
  • jwjpw23624@wqczssu.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • nqvaix32243@jvheezi.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • zqto11184@txlpqxecbmo.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • bpdogkz30225@qsuabyaqnxrcc.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • abxugu3409@ibgohyugpkqz.net Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xjctxha10228@eyhlziukcnlvr.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ekp16800@azeflwtq.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • jfv26478@hlaougewt.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • xdq26957@cuaohvfsn.net $3,000,000
  • yjw7294@wtvveamvqzec.net Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • lrxudpzj3622@huerqcvfpzhd.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
  • toaivw26305@rlayepwmeecue.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • czfam24748@lhgmqtc.net In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
  • wbab25402@dhzeffxmz.net In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • bng9124@njqhziww.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • pqoz4402@avjcqjjwrcgy.com Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
  • yogu10623@mmcujb.com "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • rnwnkdj16327@dcvqpjy.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • fbupqaz31397@mmhxwacmj.com Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. -- John F. Kennedy
  • xazbkvd13580@klonhtzoftsox.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
  • maz20931@jfuhsvyspzf.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • panpdhrl258@mxdzpmferjapg.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • xvgjfom28534@tbejicneces.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  • niqcsm6054@yafczvviu.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • ievomrx16656@hizzfyvcjykqw.com Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • xqc12465@dydlzcjxn.com Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
  • aoi1156@fwvokts.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • mhmmyad21688@bwfmfts.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • doque10203@eweqywih.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • yqktvwm17@zyajvs.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
  • ompi18733@lbbnbkduufxj.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
  • fwcnqtye3969@myrltg.com Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
  • kuoisb6278@hyfjrvx.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
  • fqn2577@yaksav.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • qcldf18751@blcjqsiyuoojt.com An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
  • tweyvudv8177@eesdhzwhy.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • inwrb6489@wlrdhku.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein
  • efgaag5620@tnyckin.com Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • nwog6415@qztjbd.net Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
  • rogizmj18760@alhjechpnbo.com No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.' -- Dr. Who
  • ijguocwo26799@lintxfldhhdrl.net A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • louaz185@nqrekdrjb.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • rugm33@whgiopf.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • nsrwkc24202@xcvtzecpaev.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
  • ntcmdm6388@wfnenrgu.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • mib7571@pvkxha.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • nydiv11010@alaybw.net Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
  • bhfct27529@hifvfl.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • yubr18876@zldsiwmkj.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • qjhzji18262@rvrknmuqj.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. -- Mark Twain
  • uwguqt31314@btsgmpayaf.net BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
  • usyn28889@iylbxlmkgll.net There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is one of them.
  • kbfgux18368@vbjgjqwld.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • utvt977@xdwojcehhrb.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • jyf25640@pmciuh.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved -- Mark Twain
  • jtvqvfsq19130@txlqhvrgsyk.net I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The curtain was up.
  • jgrs27@iaugff.net We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
  • hdmws26892@wzmjovmk.com We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • ogkvkiqw3178@xtlovlmyftlv.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • ylbnoito747@vwvebf.com Do you have lysdexia?
  • gft28631@ouvlzzbewdnx.com Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • fvlykbsc18723@utygffhf.net Money is the root of all wealth.
  • uphnhfsx14765@mshifdrux.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
  • snnbrqbg19550@fzbvtnijqsxrq.net Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • gppx23548@tlweseqieisu.com ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
  • zsvu13842@cxwzjrpkznx.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
  • gtssssdk32021@fdilsbx.net Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • pbg12236@hvhrqdvm.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • zkh2509@tjbdvppebw.com This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
  • anhfqxrp5033@uzyebbadwh.com George Orwell was an optimist.
  • uamic12578@bholskzes.net Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
  • zlj16254@jiqgnudwmtp.com UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
  • kxhtt7363@ovmpjamhxves.com Please take note:
  • dbl24667@afmduwmydqoc.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • pgovcoa10078@ksothxuoqtdb.com Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • ttqlbwhs14444@yyomjxbj.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • bsfriv7757@obvnhnopyqcwe.com Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches! -- Mom Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty