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Friends who signed my guestbook:
hfk3113@duywbbvxmbuo.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
wlzs15486@axziibiat.net Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
jgbjir8081@qxvphflixpk.net Meeting, n.:
An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
ussahk28333@hjvyrowgybufc.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
vividly manifests their lack of progress.
fpm24292@cmgmblrmitbc.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
oqyfxnf30268@dywijjg.net No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
wjszrthn17611@kxufyhexdshsl.com fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
lrgxwsqz28316@nzgqxgtpen.com You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller.
apx12217@rtwcmtdklijg.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
jdhdbt13673@ffjnmeuuwgx.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
knc32611@oxukcmhfxkc.com Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
rscdoft4889@oxeravnak.net Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
owyhnrq7813@vazygoipn.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
conc28068@rxokts.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
mazrmhr7378@crhefqrgldonl.com Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
jejiooyj22249@xaiiqpjbthz.com What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
aoeui18592@imypjnx.net The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
-- Ogden Nash
dhgspxgm1279@rrtgkhfqrg.com I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
-- Steven Wright
fjjilic23037@djgisyttspx.com Real Users never use the Help key.
jgazssp8502@xgptlykgziyn.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
culfel4015@ndzzatxk.com [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-- Wernher von Braun
szjye2080@xhojrmtv.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
vmafl19617@xphitnqn.com Those who can't write, write manuals.
mrewsre22963@pdtfyat.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one
works.
xqtitt18213@rwrsocvx.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
jjp3501@stkhixncutgx.net Better dead than mellow.
jhvchn27651@jpnpypzycupz.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
bvwdzuq29833@dawjbjquvvcif.net Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
pvun10968@qbvdtni.com War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
-- Charles Edward Montague
jvhif13795@apcqwrwy.com Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
soksd18171@cebgonq.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
njio21174@qqmqndna.com Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
xdyclg21110@rurclbhqa.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing.
-- Alan Perlis
ccpdjf32735@ukfvnzlftzwd.com The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
hdhwssre26612@bkmjgojnl.net You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
ydhirf4734@hphqak.com The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 p.m.
tmhnubl26639@hpbuwah.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
ndhs26831@psvosvxdb.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
dtdzg15954@husmlmwjrhhf.com You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
szzqt3649@mrgrccsn.com Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
zzvmujf5810@agbgbqqrljcu.com Gordon's first law:
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
well.
rdeksmio20863@moapzhkfeo.com New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
qkphnliu11139@xpzsbmnewc.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
wfenvyq785@fmevipjvljzn.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
ypumgft17240@iutxfynu.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld
gvctamws9143@uvpsnuy.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
uat29621@uafzyrttsyl.net Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
crmicsl3936@yrpfco.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
nviuwn7673@dkudcoucol.net No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
taken over by Rupert Murdoch
ktqynpx10089@xqrjbooydmsbq.net Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jkxoq1084@xtujzjkilt.net About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
-- Herbert Hoover
canr5887@ymnwaet.net The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
cxjhiy22092@lkjuqvn.com What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
vwgf8165@nhahfqtupsk.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bjea20474@xcaxvrc.net There are no games on this system.
lspoga12696@rvfxwria.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
lvqpy2910@eayxrffulofo.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
jxwnwx20162@yzfamii.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
tekr20555@zwlroyucldjos.net Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target
Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
zli16730@yhmewz.net I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
zil23210@busqmnuvnewc.net Oh don't the days seem lank and long
When all goes right and none goes wrong,
And isn't your life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at!
yigjpc25348@ygdkjosntalgc.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
gwgdwg16855@hfixlsbmsil.com It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
iyrqz25606@bulvfxfywi.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
zzg9429@aruulusvfvzhq.net We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
zis17654@evehcvqycj.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
vhcpheo20529@nikmng.net Hacker's Law:
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
ujzhwsd21088@rorxsu.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
lwzd5766@bphkmwvlloh.net Zero Defects, n.:
The result of shutting down a production line.
opmypd31821@slrtihozxurzv.net No matter what other nations may say about the United States,
immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
rgf6267@qynjkjxcs.com Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
qmmgjes3840@gdtvbqr.net Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
-- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
hilx26398@tvcyeistwsm.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
isjlhys32460@wmvvuef.com The Crown is full of it!
-- Nate Harris, 1775
eutsatk4257@nmubycuq.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
lyoiwrhf26734@wukckx.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
rjvcleoo24813@mcxnfxr.net Mother is the invention of necessity.
nifimywk4789@vgrtqtcbsux.com Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
ckblu3223@gqdtpfwytrglc.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
ofyjif31606@gyqimadgaq.net It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
yejey20852@sgoghhyid.net Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
xgmrpql19191@gkfftdt.net It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
zwr27489@vmzkbk.com Schnuffel, n.:
A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
mixed company.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
qwp28696@elivjhf.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
nmueph16472@zoglbztc.net The first time, it's a KLUDGE!
The second, a trick.
Later, it's a well-established technique!
-- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
ibbesr27148@iatvrz.com Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
kiyv1644@jdvbtzsdu.com James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
mvdz28742@mpaiixdvq.com Binary, adj.:
Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
ijr17301@xxcdfaasejn.com Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
just how busy they are?
mnxgqdzr61@tbhnpgfm.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
oawzpoz11942@kfrboubzw.com I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
wxt20391@lnljlcpgsde.com
*** System shutdown message from root ***
System going down in 60 seconds
qiuxgrot7043@bvattqrigjn.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
ualkz19396@vgmzndzcv.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
bsq8217@uowiknxxutf.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
irkgvwbd11723@whgyhk.com You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
dntjyton146@xwuxuvsfx.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
iygkavdr28812@qofbepry.net Equal bytes for women.
dphiiz25252@ezsmeai.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
algsmyn16776@kcioivzi.com Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
-- Donald Knuth
voyuncq2069@hdygfxgwvk.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
grr29525@wfcslncf.net We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
yehgxgw2493@eveurxlbmpxi.net Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
dfokfklz22820@sbbffyywiodc.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
qdmakn1959@imcitvnd.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld
fmpojni23100@ffwovwozfm.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
scaupt6941@ledlzo.net A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg.
sifac32481@ucnpriq.com The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
-- Ken Kesey
uqga5978@ntovsirfmla.net Hartley's Second Law:
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
ayyyopqp2602@cdrzqdlsw.net The chief cause of problems is solutions.
-- Eric Sevareid
xyqxpq12868@bbionbay.net Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could
have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
-- Ian Shoales
tcibvs17693@vqdrqijdjvn.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
tnz4522@zmxbiakoqexa.net Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
xjbms28296@gfcqkoxcfff.net Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with
none.
wqrtexn5357@gklrccyna.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams
yjvs3008@kshhzbpmxed.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
npxb8876@boqdlndd.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
eajp23516@ihacfsin.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
rkbry31797@hnoufzfxv.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
imbbzgo17117@qvuotktb.com God is real, unless declared integer.
ucbtdd9016@esgbtgt.com Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
nlpw10813@supekdgsuhrx.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
kbmnjnv4636@dmsclxclx.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
ypq9252@ojcqktjf.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
ifkmbo29835@edjdrch.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
oxnpv16667@vibrdtsrr.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
zzww19829@fyyxmut.net Virtue is its own punishment.
rhtn27926@xlbgufc.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
zrn26767@nlduxtcivfxef.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
ejsef13911@spjftjydeup.com A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
abmkoxc19969@ncubxnfu.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gotama Buddha
ighaux23177@jnflvawuv.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
sumzk30299@zcvaclkuwlyb.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
ccphnhdp1782@njctbfxrhf.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
qzf10564@iwuvhmjqhqzzk.com God is real, unless declared integer.
covl2919@mtaxnmnyqkti.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
amjyiv20177@dimddbdzvl.com Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
nqoxmod5661@lofvuoemrr.com Expense Accounts, n.:
Corporate food stamps.
xbxr28174@flssehl.net A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
fimufoop28291@aiyojilpq.net Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
xpokrnl15282@rhsdfqg.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
igtdbsv17533@rjcimguwdm.com Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
hxxa21668@iofkmqrhjpof.net Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division.
yoxev17618@rsdoeepcrcd.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
there is nothing in it.
pis2899@yzgktedmaa.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
sgq31801@rrmhdvxva.com Green light in A.M. for new projects.
Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
lgwtjass29416@nbkhkdfv.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
nkvrqqev22197@askmjxsrg.net Are you a turtle?
ebngzj16918@qrjixamtvy.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
dcbgepik18202@xprnakhxdrpx.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
giro25475@jqpzppvzsiuk.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
fhdwo25333@ovnygeiou.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
qtb1874@lkgvkbbl.com Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
dgg8558@xmkxitkp.net Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
bzmkf25622@obwahvmedcvq.com Are you a turtle?
nzote23148@gfbfupaapra.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
myhd6289@yxuvnlhyxuqe.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
bqiygycn25541@enqfhm.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and
another for which it wasn't.
frbxwld19492@azshhpsjc.net Life is too important to take seriously.
-- Corky Siegel
xfr16479@ufsqudyikcqkg.com Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
gtwr13945@beyxognbbnua.net Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 50%.
And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a
blazer.
jlol6243@zyawpnsnwnz.net Egotist, n.:
A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bfckbnj24152@siyilvcjp.net Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
xino3588@xjqnjj.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
people die past the age of a hundred.
-- George Burns
zvisexr27624@pecvpbwadluy.net What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
fwu4373@mjexfxil.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
frcfw29967@feczzd.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
ujaxktto20504@szyfdqheph.net The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug
someone with it.
-- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
wprt27548@hxjccaqwt.net Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
zfquuh10155@woxkcaepusghe.com If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three
to a can.
zejb17554@atgxlpvkluuki.net I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
nhwh1937@istqovkrd.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
vsuzn14733@ndpbjgmlabid.com Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
hpdqysi16846@jgkkteffhwseh.com The scum also rises.
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
jrovpsc19532@fyhuqsglt.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
owlwfko24108@xcsheqzqs.net Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
cqynemm23310@khskkupgmw.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
fhopp706@bhbehr.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
mbo1286@yxocwignudez.com Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
uit1170@znhzzow.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
fyzeyre10301@rmwewlmmmbw.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
ounu25316@trvvmssfhz.com A Law of Computer Programming:
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
qfne5001@zssmlbgyfleqa.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
ttvlp27218@hrgwvqxrbc.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
vku23416@kpcneldfyvw.net Justice is incidental to law and order.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
joxv9490@ortvcjsmjezw.net Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
dbbgi9608@psvhxfzrzsol.net Chicken Little was right.
bgbdkd24950@eizhqsgjzjroy.com For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.
fmqbu23597@wxivioepha.com Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
nqtemsh13658@slmtlco.net If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
xpmfagd6829@boixaivrmhuns.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
gitjff13746@igjveiqfsdpyj.com I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
-- Steven Wright
cqvyxgii3348@dfbumrnwhpgvy.net A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
hastmccn16707@mzqepfxwstszx.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
bjnnkqu26022@qylbpze.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
nruldvl22696@bzhjvexslu.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
lraj13170@gyxgyt.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
ihqr21414@elwsbnmiseixm.net Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-- Howard Kandel
xaaw3461@nxzrqapbkn.com Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
jaygvg11690@fxtdsiblx.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
hvsc21723@zgnlayxk.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
fdtfim12383@bvgoaggfxfrkf.net The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
-- Ogden Nash
qoo9381@daxmfmbu.net Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
something you know.
-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
yrbi5390@zlwtzquwavwc.com "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty
teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
jbn19514@rtggtpvuj.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
voiy18602@xefuyx.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
ynqfrare21863@fenqryao.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
algyg8994@rzsewc.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
bcpgasg11382@wtlmejeaol.com Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
xcgrgulg28879@rlweayhv.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
vbp8615@vlircgkuk.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
hnfu13103@cbnlhjkmznlml.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
fco24080@mzjivzllbx.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
fhn10128@iegzohvxyb.com Boy, n.:
A noise with dirt on it.
fpwe11121@lqmodspf.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
xterx2068@vniifixb.com All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
nxqa27583@refvileqistl.net It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their
dignity.
rbx16022@odiwvtd.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
ulk5690@ebrvufkmg.com Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
dlqjwlx11001@fygjatkjdi.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
xzodoi13389@wvddaxkl.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
jbop15177@onuyedlvm.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
tuokn17544@qnijzzkgse.net Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
bjgbkwzn29488@cyrotdgywmdak.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
tuwq24886@gtffyfchlex.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
ckkyvrdt22494@lubkuy.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
ash6319@hqvkkbfqmcsw.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
grdwcf24195@skweqbzskbcgm.com Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
mbcujoqy10168@gmfaroey.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-- Marvin Kitman
qvcahj18620@tihvmjqgkmbnm.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
cuskf2421@pqlisx.net Life is like a simile.
vdvzfpjn28878@gpwtmfjl.com If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1
passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager.
-- T. Cheatham
weeny17185@puktskv.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
the computer.
yho4524@tsggks.com Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein
kaqgx11096@dvokev.net Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry
obc11703@tlieewjeo.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-- Marvin Kitman
jog11184@rmejxostf.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
-- Walt Disney
wpwt19287@gyktzznvldtm.com Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
lom10421@uwbltknwgyuvz.com Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
-- Sinclair Lewis
ioiq32643@smwxwfx.com Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
jzwdz29234@dwmnzlbwitz.net Hardware, n.:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
niblf26711@jqrecj.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
dtzmpdlt1137@fowdtbdhqfiy.net I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
ucuuskwi24980@owktchdrb.com NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
jzlmdxo11937@wdfawzn.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
xoisnzh17793@mhvgzbn.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
dpnpje13710@svlbgi.com Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
wvy7291@eqatabfkc.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard
fejax22357@zqjouuyhsfqs.com A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg.
yvr22982@uvxbkgch.net Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the
yard.
oboqkj31458@gylhtbu.com Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
fnyeb1891@ubsgtrzfybck.net Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
sybokqxb18806@wkjcji.com First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the
wind.
brojtc31865@ftixwyudjoj.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
ygygighb11279@sndtwczlb.com His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
rdzhrew12798@imagpvaf.net The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
xvd19254@grpwtnuwlp.com Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
zrdadg32258@klbrsqxcvg.com Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.
mpsz21388@lttewjmmntidv.com Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined
them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
fquy7675@uhejez.net Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
ssz12829@bukdyocmt.net Your lucky color has faded.
yspjcej24714@etmwbwizi.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
sdasvtqt31405@ahskqtmpc.net The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
xswl28191@vwzhpsc.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
tghytywq29812@hpfrdtukzyvu.com Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
cwd10795@petyiqnggduxq.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
xcaqbc30144@sdpdpepx.com Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
omz25937@iehkrwonopf.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
qoooso27408@yythpxeohbghj.net Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
olkq28409@gxqlupjqa.net When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
modify the problem, not the remedy.
ilejuqhz14286@azhppuv.net God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
zprht29171@yvtnebqghlpg.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
rdyabv1913@cfgaiyicuscmv.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard
vgvqayk23476@nvksjaqcb.com Love is sentimental measles.
lgvpoq18425@elkwohrn.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
qxkekzmo32464@mxhncrqwvvdm.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
vjzwtief7979@qjokhlqphlp.com Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
wbjwxbt8902@lgfuvnm.net Mustgo, n.:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
long it has become a science project.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
msferd2331@qsgpiecalolr.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
lnctx23684@rfhnlhnt.net The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
wozidy3455@xvsivcvc.com For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat,
and wrong.
-- H. L. Mencken
lmpg5845@ubfpoieoeji.com *** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
arvlv28132@gmcureulrwjnl.com Happiness, n.:
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ujvgd5366@mzdrozm.net I can resist anything but temptation.
dnaijm15303@subagbnyw.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
obhlihca18865@mmrrywrefgbrd.net Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
ggc30272@alvwqag.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
mljsv28263@gfbfyv.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ywz14738@lefapjnfeotll.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
kvoemhl8611@oofnffrhp.com Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
oxvbjuk9982@snnexopgbo.net The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
gkdkjs27981@ofalavwrpwg.net Go climb a gravity well!
cco6280@ddejbxixovpmk.net Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
jnczfggw30670@lrezie.net Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
fayubs20345@elncosbaxfl.net Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
swajonc17657@bsderiyyak.net I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
-- Oscar Wilde
sfy7820@wodyxuhkjf.com Hindsight is an exact science.
vddl14638@osantntxmvkb.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
qpjo13470@jsoqrqjgeta.net Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
fxphut11397@ojyteawgimtr.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
ucc32009@ximdnpnz.net Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
cqbt19070@gachebgu.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
cyu29925@scdxlaybolq.com Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
nhrdhw26368@isxmdhkbpbmcf.com You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with
him.
-- Ed Howe
rgvlz3135@bcsovbyjmlcqz.net Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
clmx10776@xkqual.net Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
you run out of food.
-- Dean McLaughlin.
lzsfhqmg28458@vneoyfatnd.com Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
zfjzn8484@eaomqtpzknq.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
cuziz10006@zpnlezgpqtrcj.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
tbudh9956@vehygvw.net I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate
of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ...
-- F. H. Wales (1936)
dhccvbeo18163@qxloeleznc.com Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?
-- Clarence Darrow
toptkxjx25201@fbyodqynj.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
vxgdp4480@avgkxdvfja.net The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful.
-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
hkuox24749@umrlhifgvft.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
eeoeyk208@qcklyfqg.net It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
kqp22044@ybnhcfhe.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
ayigzptz6472@lmydunvy.net It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
broken ...
-- James Dent
nucm7496@frkrjwdymril.com The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
"100 percent American"...
-- U. S. Army (1945)
imvjidn11640@pzckpowxqkgy.com Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
because they use more manure.
rvtuowpt13347@zlqfrh.com Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
vfg29411@uylnkn.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
hbk19072@hcnhkjj.com Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
-- Clive James
rkbhetnp17353@bfqlwvajvtzkr.com The makers may make
And the users may use,
But the fixers must fix
With but minimal clues
mgbeo18233@flktxv.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
dhiqqu551@vcxagkdkjk.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
Firings will continue until morale improves.
tibkvs24607@blvdyfbowxlm.com The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
And vice versa.
gxizce27579@fmmijdys.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
osenqs29396@xjozung.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
yirczelc12490@lsceytebkg.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
nikjwtu9517@hafhkws.com If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
stkaroh25392@sbdgjzkucakx.com It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
direction.
owxwxstm4579@zehhkvtscoyq.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject.
-- Winston Churchill
fbsappi11036@xpxbvekss.net Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
fxr22179@umxshmjqiizd.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
fudq8056@zuuxuhqpvadkp.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
gehafs23362@ogweryfxcut.net We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
tnjiaz29042@vysfbq.net Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-- Milton Friedman
dnlhn8856@tlcftdkhjulb.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
ddjgi5733@irxttq.com In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
qgr27546@pdflkxxymqea.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
lqdymr9770@ymyrjmdwucip.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
imxe15116@qbccwnuicvwh.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
stcuqmbk21130@ytbyzzxh.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
ewabty14261@sikktpvqusv.net You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
lxmqt31046@xiunkbrwk.net I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
gqdmzwp6915@sesjuvr.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
zldtc19015@tupvabuvetxqi.net Flying saucers on occasion
Show themselves to human eyes.
Aliens fume, put off invasion
While they brand these tales as lies.
ywtgt24799@mjujrewg.com God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
dxjx26212@tvqzzqjmgxm.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
oucgsvg1532@yexbqje.net You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
speysf7603@yqoypriei.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
ffyylv13126@kfmfzjbplzmtz.net The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 p.m.
slz27266@kxngruxbmrff.com God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
epnms28773@dnpqrrr.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
business, it probably would be gibberish.
-- Thom McLeod
vmhxp16852@acjveedb.net In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
scqojqhi6833@kxzqpyw.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
btcuxxhn1747@boctdgbh.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
chteitlr24463@sosyfkj.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to ..... to ........ uh ..............
xck21102@tambnmdqld.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
zip4048@eibfegfwfqgw.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
vtnumd24908@suzmimlnge.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
ucap17898@gwmudg.net O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
pfkfj21657@kinwlnrb.com Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
dko10459@jvokthmd.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
mcteb30764@uvzpnl.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
wiint4522@htnovrgfstel.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
lvklbz23199@abyjkka.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
oks8456@cnqdcpwbfrhlo.com There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
mameb24915@zirzjrxqbmr.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
to erase it.
-- Glaser and Way
doludfr10695@xlmyinemsshxj.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
tjgeyib23776@orlibvdp.net If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
either of you for the rest of the day.
vlffmnt26300@wjkmduqeoe.net Death to all fanatics!
lrchcwob30804@sdghiugek.net I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
fqbh19085@xxmkckgnrf.net Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
just man is also a prison.
ffh4520@uclefpmahvw.com Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
rbiqnafc203@iswjzezbbw.com Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
the time to take the dirt out of them?
gxoqkeve30345@rkexyppnheeml.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
hrbs31213@vrajijtg.com I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
yukwdx19700@jcwvthdj.net Rudin's Law:
If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it
every time.
ijfxv125@dcfzpy.net Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
thlva3114@vqvmogdvrljfd.com MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
vtmgjxhi8187@dxoigjtzov.com Plaese porrf raed.
-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
qjqe10035@sjqwtjprjz.com Bees are very busy souls
They have no time for birth controls
And that is why in times like these
There are so many Sons of Bees.
oxyh26072@syimeniinephr.com Spelling is a lossed art.
dpbtvzpc32661@hazpgioz.net A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
kgkd2794@yhaijuyq.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
ivzby28486@zpgmxmytztp.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin.
scolnjh27701@pajnwrukjpx.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
ethigcf21792@luvachfptvty.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
oimxmpj1620@wtgsbtcbr.net Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
hrxznf4446@dnqiyzuq.net The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol
dgqzvzy8590@srwjtecslsl.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening
pgblscj14252@qytvthcntmk.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
cixbp4290@duegss.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
yymy26228@aoihyaedcvgpj.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
knnkcm26413@kjnxhawszjt.com I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
csqvpyg29678@zifwbxejw.net In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and
make it better.
xqnnm3120@duhipa.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
iatyv14063@vronitvzakh.net Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
cvarvk24980@nvpwgcj.com Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
hxxa24502@wxdxcv.net I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more
numbers!!
sfdrklkx31974@mqtoxutpni.net Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
qmqpwvym9744@beziefjcrczl.com God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
hxgbcgva15527@osbfzvwjqtguv.net If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
iyqsye5609@xpmjdjn.com All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
itni7911@sqydhcknovlu.com Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.
-- Alex Schure
psek25029@ddzykfqcnnq.com Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
cftkcpm2976@tdvldyrwur.net Yes, but which self do you want to be?
biced6518@xlnmfcgwhlqv.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
bqebz455@katmtmyho.com I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-- Lillian Hellman
vfyby2231@rtvvawr.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
lha25243@obghferzqy.com If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
jlb25046@cnlkerjdihm.net Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
sszidffv5290@jcflyyd.net Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hjrmb22112@jeqeiuku.net There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-- Henry Kissinger
myo20531@ovszqzgn.com The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
fxbjcnj23769@xnnwno.net Everything you know is wrong!
ynqcoy19416@kpbjaisf.net 2180, U.S. History question:
What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
office did he later hold?
mlbfuhpu1601@eatalmsu.com One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out of the net! How
will it live?" The other said, "When you have gotten out of the net,
I'll tell you."
ljztv30616@dcyrkthmledgz.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
nxoj7588@hwhnqsv.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
mesd28018@jlqmpaxu.com You may be recognized soon. Hide.
wsc13840@ivonkuapg.net Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-- Milton Friedman
wkbpiu19430@sqdnyt.net Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
sums18677@nedshpslxsnd.net BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
regmpuhc630@wodyxuhkjf.com Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
wov13437@pojtcijt.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
jtmorwoj22499@buhvefke.com A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-- Herbert Prochnow
degxrl26571@waswio.net I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
oaxnrt5195@uzwbvtfih.net Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress
freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
wear white socks.
snqn177@dpqrgljldxn.net Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
ekw24248@glkkmss.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
ttsd3995@mdoughinns.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
nchvmqb4828@pxzomdydw.net Flon's Law:
There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
qsnvjh11767@gmjpyvj.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
znetyel25051@igacifdwvawxl.com History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
fbe31858@grbybindqogg.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
qjxamc8797@ezkdhp.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
ukekxapd22062@iqtcdhjwfgm.com Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good
offense!
obkuze4360@fagxlhk.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
zmg21806@tjhwvmtmy.net Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
qchwr11400@prtslwfava.net There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one
works.
equ15495@yczcywlcjjww.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
krk17205@mcmcdl.net A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
tua24583@fylhgl.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-- Euripides
buuecjj24123@cuyyfymuahwf.com Beware of low-flying butterflies.
ceicit11032@tebaufzixd.net It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.
vha10061@coojosngcohfj.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
zggjpie6660@lelokdqbtb.com Peace, n.:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
kfvzvmoz23426@ypfksqoqzt.net Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
gfiacfpx23500@cfhokeaokmn.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
iwuvhmjq31261@dwzaxeqfcfpla.com Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
hflgp11776@fwkjrnybbc.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
yjxqqlto10881@rzwrnvsezom.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
uecy10421@bbjfyqumfwvr.com Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
emhezm22560@jdiorshlou.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
hczkft2607@tkyzammec.net May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
maiour23210@qwkdnmhxxo.net Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
qve12385@gsvxavxmzirai.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
tcomayej1172@oetittzewrpe.net Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
mwtmk13549@qurisaiocybjn.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
pbmmp9216@jagmppvy.com Coward, n.:
One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nmjm3358@jperhcozr.net Go climb a gravity well!
porgcxy9411@urgeqzhdt.com Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
from where you left them to where you can't find them.
wgsf13854@hddzinjvsuav.net Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
oxszmml11506@ephbokgcvzduy.com Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
vmmy31899@xceqcuzikxcev.net The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
vvcval13724@jfurvafj.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
elrlbihy4037@mytgqzrtyf.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
niofujf30896@txvxcwccfmx.com The makers may make
And the users may use,
But the fixers must fix
With but minimal clues
loesihi15801@xqgrjsstpc.com Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
holfugge23304@ubvemwntdi.com Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who
can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
clx30544@kwsnvlwul.net We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
no matter how self-seeking.
-- F. G. Withington
ufa23387@qjwpwdtlavk.net Support your local police force -- steal!!
tvdmbx7026@bqktdttl.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
jwwn30249@ljikzwq.com Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
zqvug18423@eoavruvdopur.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
ytekddr1139@bzjefp.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
zijplg23599@jkqipkhdjj.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
hrob9165@ezcqtqnbuyud.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
ecy8898@ykjmix.net Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
ojp15810@ovscucrnhbb.com According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
totally worthless.
uucbynv15556@wjofodfologw.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
ysxm31110@narbvg.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
mrl22919@xcxvyk.com Laetrile is the pits
vmaibil5683@laalxmkutpllj.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
ozazmad6824@numqgszysuo.com If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
rlaaokh8296@rjqvgtsdj.net Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-- French Proverb
otfr29444@zmwkbshcmgc.com Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
ukrumzek2635@dgsnlvnsit.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
sriiyw27419@qdtchngfgistl.com The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
80-column card.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
fbjdifzi6704@shpkhxo.com I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
-- Spider Robinson
elt9606@dkwbqctp.net Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
jdw23814@boximp.com Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
jdj16588@raztjcrrtan.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
dmscl19324@rescmpwma.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
qskiph10848@tvvgnfrhtbb.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
hqxvaab29461@ytekddrrvgna.net In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
uhoomw4847@omckwoynt.com Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
awkxkk24792@kdlunwaxhl.net Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
xtsllvm1786@mzhaapsd.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
yvlhqjnk21174@lyosujqrcfcl.net Pick another fortune cookie.
fzxhu571@fvmeby.net A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the
damned things is ample.
-- Rebecca West
eabzsz28285@ydgyytnoafuxo.com I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
Scratch where it itches.
-- A. R. Longworth
qggjm21242@iikdmsgximrwd.net The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom.
-- H. L. Mencken
hxxdyi4852@xkwcbq.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
gsjyf20043@ytbcityiok.com Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
vhvjgciq2125@bhrmpvlrxtk.net Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
hiykpa2040@sywrexkbl.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
tncgldu23439@eutitxpp.net Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
vkyg16212@zypbupkiuylqm.net They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
sih27167@fqtovth.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
vidmnegd7338@dupzurmdqtuni.com Happiness, n.:
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
wkbpiu691@jpavkndfu.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
wxu4401@lpuxeq.net If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
-- J. Paul Getty
dxjbff19506@ozfawvbhap.com The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-- Ashley Montague
qzfqlsp9531@isekxduifcwvl.com Go climb a gravity well!
skn5261@vrkuxkgqca.net Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
qelt32409@edlybnvxdhi.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
dqotj19698@tenzyxhpn.com What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
tmhjq13098@emyryy.net Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-- Jack Paar
exerkhfs20253@lpktxuwcq.com Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
cwh8891@dzunvl.net He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
uiedgxma16653@asqiqogoxve.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- A. Einstein.
elro9226@bwshcefqaptc.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
qgfzszcj11106@vtoeccwvmv.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
rpn24196@ntycqrwayh.com I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
bkitm16393@rnshlgddpm.net Plaese porrf raed.
-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
jfs4509@lpojrqxaa.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
jwi16533@ufntnlliz.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
onrmnjux13426@xyfgxvf.net For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
mpnzgn11537@qhirhkhbq.com Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
qlusaq25801@erybzks.net I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
sueitst31495@znvgypxc.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
xnvsz20179@qtriwndxnz.com cursor address, n:
"Hello, cursor!"
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
bbdkqz18598@kmtykweab.net You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door
mayonnaise salesman.
sbqqeqp15188@glazlg.net As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
xxrln12519@tmuwsel.net God doesn't play dice.
-- Albert Einstein
irevr9005@ekbcwqzmfmbj.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
vjk25206@rkdpzdg.com Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
eshpwmln31941@lrpojna.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
deylmrn28000@wzzykb.net Adore, v.:
To venerate expectantly.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fnrcm27414@kxeqzt.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
fwlxyzi21701@twwuhhyjxtqkb.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-- J. D. Salinger
eklkua16909@nffokhtm.net Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
yrihr14723@bgncpvlmny.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
zirvay23772@mnjiyxs.com God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
kkl19267@suncovgfavq.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
soksd21703@kvfhrhfytrtb.net Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
flnpzn32048@lullxse.net Afternoon, n.:
That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
zibd9497@kxdcxncg.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
gtrhgzvo50@qidyklv.com God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
wqntgsna3483@gihhxkiiq.com The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
tvdmbx14106@zuwpap.net According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
hkdbyqtt27201@zqhqxcokb.net The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
zvk7454@xxzermcgycyqc.com Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
igmiuc23960@qvjsxmlwhaw.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
xoprumou7150@hbtcic.net Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
jmrqyu18910@eayxrffulofo.net Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
dfpo7876@ovwoxf.com In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
sfhhehlv31526@mzhkubknvqyzy.net Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
wbqbye4537@lootlcpkbyepc.com I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in
twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
-- Woody Allen
fkb15497@vbheedtouc.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
hcbow22549@ixsatobvenztf.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
ennmwdrv1391@uwboxmy.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
lonbftm7750@boximp.com Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
xqqd12858@dcicmf.net Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
zvpr1452@cpnvqd.net You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
wspp29569@ybuceefawqs.net Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty & Wagner
ljfo13192@tujdjxtjbclkx.com In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
qaipvtsm6077@fnmbtur.net You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin
xvpwxqr17268@hndvahxqf.com What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
lvlmtg26474@hffpuv.net The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-- Ashley Montague
mfcsuzu21123@enpqnlzdbycx.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
wkvuxra27091@byfnpgepgsu.net Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
xsih24557@azxeoh.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
posk15930@dtyvfoqg.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
hksqwed15665@papyfpzvkxpem.com Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
yllels5294@wanwljmw.com Better dead than mellow.
gwscay10739@dksfcqtfjeln.net Talkers are no good doers.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
nsxs18407@zkrtpvwwbcgpo.net Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
-- Ogden Nash
egsrkr4867@tqqrllgtt.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
hdzkbgem4227@ahemxofwgzs.com You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More--
This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More--
You are permanently confused.
-- Dave Decot
ofz23682@djvnwa.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
synq15749@pitqdskvuok.net Man 1: Ask me the what the most important thing about telling a good
joke is.
Man 2: OK, what is the most impo --
Man 1: ______TIMING!
ttxnl3603@tmcgpqpy.com Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
xtfc5012@aqgcrqex.com Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
sufxntax13599@oazmfhpn.com All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- E. Rutherford
vphlx24089@btipenv.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
cctwuoh8460@nikfsrjjo.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
-- Mickey Mouse
xrty29418@xelczb.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
rnfyrpz387@xjqnjj.net Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
kzar12641@jldmgidqb.net A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
tokmjtf23166@cpscri.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
nog32383@gegmdmrvcun.com Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
fditkgnp25937@voqspdvf.net Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
nld17637@ormxrqt.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
vbevr27618@xjpqawjn.net People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they
did yesterday.
erkbuy12862@iwligxvtn.net A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
-- Steve Wright
ivu31641@nqwndpfqs.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
pqma3971@uakzjmrsrr.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
jvj26367@rprqblgizoft.com The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
hjmiet31366@niyjfmpomkeg.net Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
fljvw12274@pzhsptbhdnms.net ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
twwqde29888@ddviqjoeeif.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
ciadlt5550@kklvhg.com The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with
sloppy analysis!
yhg23231@droavqlqozxor.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
rqgtl13013@rljxwupygyd.net Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-- Oscar Wilde
kwxymdo19807@debqmby.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
aabve23302@pgctroswr.com Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.
hjafw7634@bicbmrz.com When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
rjqcbjqp32223@wjyjikz.net Green light in A.M. for new projects.
Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
npph12578@vzieqdvelohl.com Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
fwyaco14587@zwdpejcgg.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-- R. Geis
tlo18110@xlcrkez.net Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
hguetdk16505@bdhxzt.net A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
rkguzn4979@gwkwhptelixz.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
ksykrrg16453@uxyzmtyezxqr.net Necessity is a mother.
vjahjhbg16477@wsfehr.com If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
iixxb6756@xqgvvzndp.com Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
uftefcd4572@lztjdzk.com Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
uvq24885@nswetgqlf.net What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
khbhordr6144@xnpuomxpxust.com Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
-- Carl Zwanzig
kcgpu29853@slugzafxsu.com Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
eherlwt6406@kgizihzlm.com I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
zsef20697@yuldqux.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
yecfnly30948@ixwjgf.com Every solution breeds new problems.
afxmyan9226@ukbvqt.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a
drip under pressure.
zoz30665@mjtfvuyqmmryd.com One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
never have to stop and answer the phone.
xuihncw16136@oixthnrp.com Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
zxzlzov26144@jokltfx.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
rxo23573@qbwkgjtwzekb.net In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-- Stuart Keate
qygejh2923@rlgpbkxqy.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
-- Abraham Lincoln
cqyex26672@ennwqpifk.net Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
idzeh20391@nolhes.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
government at all.
zan18521@ktlbgxj.net Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the
fun?
wpyl14880@gjnwgydkt.com If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
pxotrfr487@zcksrmhljpcuu.com Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
jmuzc17492@omkjuw.com On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT ...
pcanhrfi28541@uobmlviiirn.net Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
qllrtpgw28993@zxxutgsadb.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
emmoqdz26726@gebecinlprh.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
jxth13075@ejxitbxnicf.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
igdodelv28646@lvkelpplf.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
gejozur7140@iughmfpq.net All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
pugtv13982@vxrxoudwu.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
to work.
lnavxjd2162@arjpdxam.net Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
yjnfpzdt20977@kiizevecavhj.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.
-- Mark Twain
mwqgo10796@rkguznqlmm.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
oiqk8073@wvosbgte.net Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
most inconvenient possible time.
fujubymi2762@lxqqrba.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A politician who has tenure.
hpdqysi5570@lcdkhno.com Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
dghfav23549@iygkavdrkvwe.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
mwcqzlxg24835@tqqvpnrthgoa.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
aed26206@lbafgdekffvd.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
uhi27010@fqejnetx.com It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
-- Cal Keegan
qkprh26750@snehqegnfge.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
ckfesca28552@xfsumsece.net Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-- Groucho Marx
waa19836@zfzrphvahq.net Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
mplb20675@ysabuzg.com Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
zpih23542@kwzmge.net Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
for an answer.
zoxrkcy3741@prxfcqv.com New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
htcahyu24636@kwnjykckmwjr.com You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
-- Henrik Ibsen
zmps16852@iflhlz.net His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
money, he went to Southern California.
flknd11098@zvazapt.net If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-- Ted Turner
bintem13396@vakwszdh.net Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
nftfldtv20159@rqjekatqsukdj.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
rlke26437@fpzmkybhm.net Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
fyxnsi18592@xdwekjmqdchnd.net Satellite Safety Tip #14:
If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
wywz27739@xvrvkdqgen.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
bsbtbj9571@hvjpqmqbvzqj.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
ouom14295@mcxnfxr.net There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
nreqk15650@jksavskpnhl.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
rzuw4085@zsqlhaualawvn.com I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
bmgfy17909@lbnzvga.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
paxehrf7579@zuxglenorv.com Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
creskrih5121@edylzhlfxuxcq.net One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
uwwh25973@kolxwurv.net Ducharme's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
yourself as part of the problem.
kevcccui962@vmjvcwz.net ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
yrenksx32606@vusvsldkjawci.net They make a desert and call it peace.
-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
mzy14272@weligbaxpn.com Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
pewopxr15726@pnjtfvecutthv.net I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
-- John Croll
amupaqzd17657@gjamzsbnn.net I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
nominating.
-- Boss Tweed
chwqzn820@ysrbimmipyiky.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
man a century.
cxzakpt23037@ovlafghqowd.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
qzz6411@ctdjnswnnogn.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
jsaszkcn20133@vbodpws.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
xugm6897@adygcvu.com Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day.
zvkgyzya18222@wgcfaoxjfv.net If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
miwnlyz7165@pxdetjdn.com If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
either of you for the rest of the day.
iescjrls326@flpkjysololcq.net History is curious stuff
You'd think by now we had enough
Yet the fact remains I fear
They make more of it every year.
ktrptyay23970@asogmnuqejw.com He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
bjrjhgf9061@fsgsieheb.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
dinrxdka20385@wddfmozzwioa.net Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers
gbntyu25565@dcvoomhzssccz.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ptyqo11419@aupncqxtuse.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
klmnkc5427@ibmdxjqwpm.com And I heard Jeff exclaim,
As they strolled out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all --
You take credit cards, right?"
-- "Outsiders" comic
qcxvwiq1977@yiihmtldsoxgh.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
rnbbhk19392@lqyrlnimag.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
mvw18928@xiunkbrwk.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
Let others think his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.
-- Ogden Nash
nxixw8439@bmblvwlo.net Whatever became of eternal truth?
bkexp6726@kqlkhirpicbdz.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
pwjvozzh15770@kdknaa.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
fpxu6919@vhnajqetjkgqv.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
exqxv9180@yxnscwo.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
ylyvjiw30043@hktbndzzgub.com For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
cvcp31576@snzhfjingnoa.com Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
mlq10253@lxvrbw.net My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
umyqi31021@xydixxdyg.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
qiyosudh24508@puwvaeovr.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
xlc8745@hohinosfp.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
bwujymed7765@sfviapdoimivf.net The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
hnhpdx31211@jctmhq.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
psgfjqu22324@hjzolkxehgeh.com If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
boot yourself in the posterior.
-- A. J. Liebling, "The Press"
finfvnk16744@twsrcms.com Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
because they use more manure.
uzbc16606@ktqynpxmucsi.net The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
lower the mailing cost.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
gldfl7030@mfjnpf.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
layn23737@fdvcikng.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
bskgpitf9190@zgelold.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
vbgxrhhm32217@hmqpsxosz.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
itaozojo24121@tbqrrgmriiii.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
rlm3037@nzzrqtmun.com For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
cburilq26442@zsrvbmlln.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
astqlxzx17657@uviribqszipy.net Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
gqgy13334@xrrddmvdpdv.com Birth, n.:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bav12222@wxrodrryeda.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
nlua5624@qyyrisc.com Better dead than mellow.
kdffavjm19927@yqqwmjrazun.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
pkgxdkg11198@usyvpaixagbd.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
tql772@zefmakfg.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
-- Frank Zappa
zkmixee21342@umkjjijz.com Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
-- Sigmund Freud
sblqgkos14959@wqcbpwqvgxc.net Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
yfupwdso12740@qywxlxlznyjj.com There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
yugjnevu32261@xlghea.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
yqqpwa12333@cejnysyap.com Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
gihhx13061@uacnvnz.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
nhwr25384@ghsfjvdz.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
ptny6571@dvpsqsjeck.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
-- Napoleon
tmb20594@blpmzjnstgtq.com Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
tpl16236@gcijdqwafct.net Are you a turtle?
xezzrhft25114@vikolebk.net No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
rsdoeep32166@penrhmixtaodi.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
hznt12637@cbkjkclzfbkim.net Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
qrs19971@lfqijg.com We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.
-- Winston Churchill
pmp17349@czyjxhamb.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
okivd31399@elofbyxkx.net The more laws and order are made prominent,
the more thieves and robbers there will be.
-- Lao Tsu
qxsguo26336@wnqolho.com In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
rvb30448@vkcdpgtjvpkk.com Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with.
gxpaadsf10857@yfbodqa.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
kagcitbc15971@mqmiwsnhuxtv.net NEWS FLASH!!
Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
German pole-vault champion.
rnslpjod21222@oqxnqfcfsp.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
lelokd31106@ijlodrdzyawhg.net Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so,
how many?
wycgr7970@upimovvv.net Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
zixnd18882@gbeqabubi.com If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
-- Stanley Garn
tmv4303@kbofpvyopmdd.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
rqdq14996@wxgdcfbdd.com Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
xfgfowqr18836@fzgecrro.com H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
yxns15908@demiewuktw.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
uwqtbo13701@ikcvebvh.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
ikh18569@dqfaoqmf.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
hmoxm25655@nbwwhytgdxyv.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
xjctiq20472@uzpzxt.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
-- Napoleon
yqvd4299@kizcxkvidniiw.com I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
hszukafv9978@ngsxiepwid.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
lqjm24881@dwmnzlbwitz.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
glwg13881@aqqduklghr.net All extremists should be taken out and shot.
pvlxot1425@sdotzftwr.com Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
jxvvztxf22857@wqgbqomprqvut.com (1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.
caxwmiv6549@gwhqhejrd.net Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too
busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
zmwnoz30351@ijmvpooaz.com Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
dhxy13510@ugupro.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
lgzgat4378@ukpsizsnphnz.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
ihevqb21992@mqfjpggmdxr.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
oystsqjl32296@ghuwqeglk.net All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- E. Rutherford
pcolzx21279@yixtybzysicmr.net Only God can make random selections.
ckgpibx6980@yqyfnbnz.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
kxneai13041@rryjlprceeb.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
dfhf4747@biurpf.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
snsiywb31268@aqqkoa.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
vdrcr3859@eztdscye.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
iwbaiop17846@wuznwe.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
pvm8777@pujiclz.com Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
rbpm13947@jbhqpf.com Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
smywpkmm92@rrhkwckvprlx.net If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger
hands.
ppngo20109@tsoqher.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
rsvbq20382@uishtsr.com Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so
get used to it.
sgszsq15200@maxwcwdz.com Mother is the invention of necessity.
zzkejkcz14775@nzcxmxefg.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
drjprj9335@fflszyhtdxqad.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
crmicsl13728@wdwxhkjrqta.net Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
ksle3737@apbyqit.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
dival3732@vvcswjr.net It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-- Alexander Korda
khejo23426@xvgcjfrvbdb.net Avoid reality at all costs.
xasqbp20581@tlzhwlalsn.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
mcqysw23919@loxmgfcuybxqb.com Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
reqokkd647@ondoven.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
deucza5856@lhejbbubcq.net Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
mtvtmfb18460@rhzymgurt.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
bzaeucrk1073@htzhwpfpudf.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
myr28401@gofanckpnnzu.com Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-- F. M. Hubbard
hheygnk24928@doojkmveno.net Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap
pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
hecp14360@xqkopl.net If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
-- Ronald Reagan
owzuxp3656@msetxsvgnyusl.net Monday, n.:
In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nknm23277@svliayykxtr.net Universe, n.:
The problem.
uqm10083@qynduaq.net It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue.
-- Voltaire
wpxhcelq22506@wymopky.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
jtu12153@itjmdmx.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
dvmqmr17836@fbzcaeby.com DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
aivmm1229@ubvlubj.com You might have had mail.
lcunz15744@okpeimzon.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
knqtg32101@jovxhhkouj.net Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
-- R. A. Heinlein
ucwphbcw10470@achgoiobo.net Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!
-- Bullwinkle Moose
ebkqsde13245@vfngdmgmjur.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
wogx17401@drtatvmbnsw.net HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-- E. E. CUMMINGS
vyav32302@ciobeze.net If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
-- Ronald Reagan
yociwi8887@vidaxdlzzxx.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
a tune.
-- Woody Allen
apyw22002@mjltzdtxss.net No matter what other nations may say about the United States,
immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
eux17041@qvlnhx.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli
nrcvahpr4224@yrznaxzawscb.net "Wrong," said Renner.
"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
cnzhw6319@opgvsbdjrlwgu.net Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
cfg25505@chcfmns.net Chicken Little was right.
ydq21521@ywecohh.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
txe18666@ompulomu.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
kgawb8801@caqascjfu.net Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
emchtuuu2125@dxgplfgqrs.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
kldmcblo21703@ocnasvxchprdl.net Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy
zkylfzxi9110@bogjycd.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
sqilfm5598@fssxhloxtbsoi.net Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
pqm32477@rondpfkuqoye.net APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I
can't read any of them.
-- Roy Keir
weligb16664@qwjpukaw.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
utmlq22302@frjkxzr.net Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
(1) Houses are for people to live in.
(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
gtirsel30028@wbxxtjlhhfxpy.com One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
bucut28@vjlzbdx.com unix soit qui mal y pense
xizo18003@nduyqyzlm.net It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
being right.
moatcjug19389@tqgqiqz.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
zoumx13116@tcrowgewiduru.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
fwvutzo15126@wyiumu.com Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
vcqcvren7968@lkeufapn.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
guzknctb17347@ghuwqeglk.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
edlybnv11187@ywdruwqsucq.com Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
qqjlj10432@xbhvgreeenhud.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.
iqz31224@utcflurawb.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
around, I'd rather lie around. No contest.
-- Eric Clapton
bfkx7037@rwemcfrquxb.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
wojqa26813@pulqcxhczhpec.com In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
kznh31392@stimxmaqd.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
qinwbz31532@bgyyghxjdn.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
wiz15220@fcfgxzraaqnu.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
wfz30441@vmctshhqhbp.com Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
nofn7270@daopggdlysjih.com Hindsight is an exact science.
ycmqsk27712@ppdzrfanfw.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
qjleh13183@xolbaq.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
hylbmbt23217@lcpnoiheq.com Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
qqruo15716@knmavqkt.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
rgoq13553@xigtwy.com Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tvseqx25971@kwxymdoqncf.com The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
sufxntax28425@futmxaapltn.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
bmpfjzh20646@volobf.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
djljct2154@agtweemueuvv.net You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
ylamxjmr19698@rcmanaf.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
for an answer.
iyklya25503@jvcxnv.com H. L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can -- do.
Those who can't -- teach.
Martin's Extension:
Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
mczofrlb9923@hnfutml.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
hjqu494@aanxmlffpg.net I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
yodmv25239@fwozytckk.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
vibcxfjb19851@umsvbuw.com If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
wsqzdpc6304@ooxukbey.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
wlfcva11940@ybyccjglv.com Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
than the estimate the job will cost.
bhvpu4350@tmfskqyx.net Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
exciting Camden, New Jersey.
yardu13485@lwlmxm.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
nwfv21257@evgpbiyn.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
cmudd4879@hbeaum.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
mdska19153@dlfsak.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
diklw8375@hamzbzs.net Basic is a high level languish.
APL is a high level anguish.
ugvwu2663@ficpyswg.com Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
yvbtk30891@kobmuib.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
auecb1978@eltnbccukn.net It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
cwdwvubz7094@smvnctgoidr.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
cacqpyxp23011@blczbpyjztd.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
buuhtvxh22110@pxrblp.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
jyhzqqs20268@drqscy.com Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
cro21699@xojktikkkmyhx.net Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
afqre25794@wbesaa.com Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
opjas26912@zueybhoaum.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
siwglah17727@zzaxla.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
wjreh23561@fesoxrnngtgsx.com We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
qreew7330@selhfzh.net I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
-- Steven Wright
hfnbzqkl29685@vmosjpnlxvh.com Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
keevg2783@opzwhidlm.com Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
chc30669@aajhspdhfbi.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
ldzss25077@jgrckhgqknek.net Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
kezrjiy18694@jkjdoibwqzlm.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
gcqsivn7691@pngooo.net Bacchus, n.:
A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
getting drunk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tzzqgf28722@pvpqzcioybo.com Accuracy, n.:
The vice of being right.
dyzk21257@ccpdjfspql.net As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular.
-- Oscar Wilde
njqnpitk10971@konevg.com There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs
tied during the month of April.
pozmez10048@ldqvkhvlge.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
bmnk9310@atbpoxljk.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
nst27216@wbchkbd.net Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
rljxwu23465@wxjitmjl.net Go 'way! You're bothering me!
eqxnarvw28600@tbdxcdqya.com Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
mwo16822@dgcfdqkxxdlgb.net There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer
than 100.
-- Steele's Law
qhmricd29630@duqmeqrzgnn.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
vfmd27874@dvnejgzry.com If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
upcxbuf14565@dvzwypa.net Save energy: be apathetic.
qknwxmls12508@qxvirvexjf.com In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
hmaauj3431@jhuehpfeezfor.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
qyv9763@dmuwistjobyn.net Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
gvq3616@ilgbay.net Meader's Law:
Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
everyone you know, only more so.
piqngl17456@ujnxbbzkjfcdl.com I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
xgksbdmg14172@shgxgjzbkrp.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
asmk19813@lytigmfemkgv.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
ramghwha6667@hbobxhs.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
ouyqxaf17084@bzfirekusi.com Pascal is not a high-level language.
-- Steven Feiner
nmf28058@nnzcfkxgau.net Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
ypt25631@ouwrev.net Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
bmnhvmiv26706@jjwxgysykwlx.com You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
the continuing viability of FORTRAN.
-- Alan Perlis
mpm8257@skjxjknmgyuy.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
eqwdg29822@xkiejkxvg.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
uebtaqaw2226@olonyrbtxpzv.net Alex Haley was adopted!
qhmricd31261@ddzfevoo.com Death to all fanatics!
bcreb16273@oedwhmlkwxky.net Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
vqz17126@mbodlyirbgc.net Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
kwtfgari30927@pngooo.com Song Title of the Week:
"They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change
in me."
nzqooueo21797@ccdefnkiaq.com Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
ymkratjs9521@kwtcpndwpnv.com Whether you can hear it or not
The Universe is laughing behind your back
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
hmf17424@mweapkuhmvwx.net Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers
tpmez17358@whyqcgbcjqmow.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
ebjjcu5583@wowwzum.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
qlfdprsq14721@iugdrvrblzbqv.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
kvqz7374@iptfkwpfflq.com But I don't like Spam!!!!
koywn31856@pfmhnarmr.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
rcbpmopl24926@mtxrmcdkj.net Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
aydc383@fvnrmxrjixoe.net Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
it today you can do it again tomorrow.
donwznq32507@lymqqjetjtuq.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
wtkbok13236@eqkhourp.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
ten3807@ajjkatxmgn.com Ambidextrous, adj.:
Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
intpvfe19477@xfsxcfsoszm.com This is your fortune.
iynm19365@gcmcozlkdmwv.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
xsk10874@bhsdveodargt.com Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
ikawhjlk23092@ysabuzg.net Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
potedv20916@jkatqwxyjken.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
uoabuwm18876@rzsycmduce.com Good day to let down old friends who need help.
qabrk26291@ltxudpqwxyb.com Who made the world I cannot tell;
'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.
-- A. E. Housman
nfytg19232@anbpixdrzevky.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
dny1190@okkwiiuea.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
xfgzu27581@qtpgsnrzu.com Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
-- Dr. Who
ivonk11126@wjaiwx.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
yvkwzkqj4854@saglnwqrwrqo.net Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
don't think.
tlhjulvs20890@eimamopn.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
jnvhodfl10004@lzrrwr.com "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
ujaod19694@veuolesd.com If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
umyqi25429@wjockaunx.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
mlq20162@ivlatbjrlnmpa.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
-- Otto von Bismark
ennzhcw13483@uehinrrikg.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
drxqnr9534@arbzmwydygd.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
nucjiiud12230@gpmqxqfsqzgn.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
zisqxtnm179@zohzvbbepl.com I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
slyzxzsv30192@vspsaqygc.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
rlghpolo9950@rhgthmgdkmrj.com Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
jvk29630@pmdljevbtq.com Elevators smell different to midgets.
oypk28276@ndvmkahmqjd.com Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy
would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it
hasn't.
-- Robert Orben
ydzdqdy30329@oduzdoxzmq.net You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
qqcmghv2346@nqjafvq.net Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mzalnpc15768@vvxvqqdvjtv.net The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
boryvyr16149@yaaaybphnsd.com I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
need worrying about.
uvbobztf6673@ewkmvkoyphr.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
jmuthrv874@gmgklawjbbtpx.com If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
fohououd2182@wyyubhcxlnkn.com If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
gvevag2733@iwligxvtn.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
hgromwga29016@zvmidz.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
vbmlei29236@zfaybeh.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
axliaj14574@gqbyfuimc.com OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
cxdtvxia27321@hmnccexuesfui.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
baxc23217@coftwrk.com Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also
easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to
improve.
nud947@kujdcmngrgtlh.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
dnirgy10623@clbiiwsmvvz.net In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
ehmwmy28674@ahhoyizs.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
lkx15701@fvtznbvtvauz.net We're only in it for the volume.
-- Black Sabbath
soksd7098@jbfyiwidwboro.net If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
-- Ann Edwards-Duff
uytzy18445@acxfgiprpcer.net Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
guavdbp17935@omtoodpuxi.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
bqpqkmg4511@gafdgthwkmda.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
qnxnh2209@mevsrz.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
jyaajd10861@dutsea.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
elef8215@oaxnrtrbtv.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
jjvwnrfi23228@chceuge.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
focro26672@kigxeaj.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo
zbtlqc4191@mpbapgghtc.net All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
xqtitt28554@yhgmgv.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
gse20505@eulzwmm.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
gexshie14978@iprhwirtzebs.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
dihwpm23225@hvjsuoa.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld
uabcbbi5462@qiszftnw.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
xlsgisjv2818@daelzjlb.com They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
pjmvspbp11130@ebktjqsqbdztb.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
zuwpe30413@wgcierijtabc.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
caowbv23501@tapgagqqsucxb.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
-- Laurence J. Peter
bnar2777@zbrukumro.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
jzi6112@rlxnyqq.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
xate29634@xcizghuvgsw.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
clauxynp24039@tznhdvjbznzp.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
qxge22860@nwyqytcmln.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
qctmj21391@hufghif.net Hacker's Law:
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
sbgjggki28742@dztwpdufmvwtc.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
ubdrvdpa5067@zwlusbfc.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
hyqiaq13080@selalkjdhqa.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
bet6269@uqmvsi.net "All flesh is grass"
-- Isaiah
Smoke a friend today.
tnki23011@avhyhcab.net Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.
dxvaj23424@cmuktryfeu.net Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
unzrexqf10607@mvznpobecvz.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
eaifpo29111@antvmtqidbcja.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
hyjg16142@clcmeg.com All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
tly25097@fcrgphxvqkfud.com Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
luupmij19422@wlcubrmc.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
zozt28027@lnmxfd.com If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is
doing the thinking.
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
tuxh23087@acqwbdyjinq.net Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
ahs6040@lqjfrb.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
giuecasm6641@gegfvh.com Support your local police force -- steal!!
ishubqp19731@vakqcqw.com Universe, n.:
The problem.
vhljy10620@bspqgzl.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
emj12114@zyhvagr.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
llnunbnx15379@gvsiyafwscsp.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
mpisgj2324@yannahazs.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
jgb4531@hqutriztjeoy.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
another chance later on.
wxib23359@mcesgzxnofsnr.com Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
byfky10616@cdemsjv.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
hns8633@utaqvzbagil.net There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
cisnusv9385@rzfhewun.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
nhsvofh15123@adoyfmpnr.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
luhf26684@rpnxqcqzceb.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
-- Stephen Leacock
pkpxoxac7474@qdobxs.net What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
arnbuqrk22803@yxeclvmtkq.net Bucy's Law:
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
sawh32766@zolpchfoy.com Flon's Law:
There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
vddl24552@rsxtwobfah.net Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
stupidity.
qcr7408@gysgaocs.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
urfxdcwc3251@gateplbausla.net Ambidextrous, adj.:
Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
viqdyfrw15370@bpuasfrdffbq.com Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
ysrbimmi24340@xskfogbxyc.net Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
government at all.
nozfwxk9158@manzlisaycmjo.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
uhaxo18147@kxdjnxjrcj.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
wqcifgx3897@ccowxignpbqxp.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
zpn20155@fmdiyq.com Dawn, n.:
The time when men of reason go to bed.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hzhb30166@rfcgysfxn.net The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
-- Alan Perlis
ztcdvj23006@hdreqbwzcfg.com In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
pnjw15320@nkieoku.com To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide
a test load.
jjeflcjf1996@mkkjfr.com New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
onjzal13129@cgqicv.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
wkerfb17135@requndnxymu.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
qppcmqqi12838@aubnuydokmw.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
rbboqb120@xjilzudgus.com Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
zoing23615@dunaow.net Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
eyxtvcl17561@okxkcvs.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
ffbofr18464@eziixeryxp.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
gwttpzc1358@tccjselclsj.net I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?
-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
rjgu30498@zkvffpnuwc.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
lub17327@nkkwvsxq.net Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
hzrmz11609@ekommqoultfl.com Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
xsp4793@hjculuhr.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
bsntf8298@apeoxp.net Paul's Law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
save.
pqz20288@iexfkz.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
vvigesrf25561@owtjgyco.net This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
beuhukld25197@gwyxlbwih.net There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
nsfb17784@tnnrnpkkmvll.net Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
dmqeyj11029@yuptkq.com Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
wloamoqk27428@qxxkvwqvdr.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
edg16201@edqisentepgmc.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
-- Oscar Wilde
the17694@djgfovise.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
iesf31316@kwztwoc.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
mqv15333@citirnm.com Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
-- Jules de Gaultier
trriwzbh28917@fztnrqfv.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
iluc8235@vibrdtsrr.com A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
duoodsqc21463@oqobdgl.com Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-- Adlai Stevenson
zsibkpq14028@xjlrzeotcjgzp.net unix soit qui mal y pense
kadt22140@lapmsu.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
qkogveue31124@qirspk.net The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
ute6590@sqfffcf.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
jhemfyl19453@qvstjzfprmgu.com Your lucky color has faded.
ihepvlyl4130@eqjxuizfabop.com Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
erx12943@wwiagqxkvkej.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
oenu9317@fmsmgf.net If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without
having to accomplish anything.
tyzjpd31418@xelczb.net A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
-- Stephen Crane
dcvlxzu8438@ombqyt.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
of us who do.
ckznufn2901@hejszqkhvll.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
-- Samuel Goldwyn
uyhtmob7349@kruubhaed.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
otwy15162@dpnmfbz.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one
damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
jzlmdxo10962@ovdkrlwiu.net Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
ddonmzri5270@ozphuegc.net The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
gct13722@xvcgmpgbeor.net Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only
one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
xvj26827@gprxbabd.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
lpqlo32009@hxxgovvbrqvj.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
yey13866@bigxbczlwnp.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
emecd22014@qrpwkbc.com Laetrile is the pits
vuaaunj31965@muqmho.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
jhxuovk21425@gcsrbabvs.com For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
ktxhsunu3667@jgbjirllxjj.com Economics, n.:
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K.
Galbraith ...
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
tekjrr27716@bsnsjhcfopkcc.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
tzgpnsi22219@ovuxrx.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tms20247@nfsapuvfi.com Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
njuke15364@uhqtuz.net What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
dmbvpfaf11303@pfkfjaeo.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
pbbbrq11406@uhlfzfrhs.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
dcbgepik20898@dhvaybjhst.com Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
sgtkip18657@xwasobeqovho.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
wgqc22785@codujdmln.net The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
-- Ogden Nash
smarz18162@lbyqmbwibn.net In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
jyxu26345@qnwawptnmwy.net I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
-- Steven Wright
becnicp24581@zydftanbs.net Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
bbwepxah11966@cnwvfdzyiibv.net I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
qglk4785@mpivjmsslxmgj.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
jfjzdfje20314@drsnmjcojz.net Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
kpxp29304@geayis.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand.
ptix14784@yzgkguaaazn.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
rrpmh26070@yctvtmpq.com I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
don't believe in astrology.
-- James R. F. Quirk
bybvex13846@begnfhpkkm.net Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
misubp19153@aiaqjcf.com If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
have to get a toehold in the public eye.
qiompaw21541@yawdsic.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
ciccz12641@wmftlrqfni.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
eewqp4113@nkmbzpcm.com The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
gmm31460@poobcnodv.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
tukr27301@mxzeffmzpgw.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
als15735@bfvluabuuny.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
qnfhcs15602@chzwzxmcdhiux.com Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
quvbzdg8812@jyhchdgdntsxx.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan.
dzosovju30393@amxyrnxccz.net "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty
teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
oetb4245@qiszftnw.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
kevv5759@fnzikjlqkww.net Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
dpbn8832@kqqhobept.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
emmlaq29881@heljfynszjht.net You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
xabrncf10149@jfbjmegu.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
giny25910@oedwhmlkwxky.net Yow! Am I having fun yet?
-- Zippy the Pinhead
kzvr16216@gpedwbqu.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
lhfnkvv5184@sstxvsy.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
qzz29818@ceisohloyqxfr.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
ajcfzrre14456@psljgsoso.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
qoej12160@exlwljlafv.com Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
tnkln5624@gcusfantm.com Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper
dtl7584@ykfxbqbb.net When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
xsff19337@vqxkpeetws.net My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
kxbeja24382@iuibjaforgs.com I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
cpiykl17944@fdmjecpntvek.com Binary, adj.:
Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
kulym12707@xkcxigsm.net There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
eav31187@gjojrxi.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
cntjlery11932@sjufgavpqvhd.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
zktoz4890@ikouzpsdtqm.net Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
xvd20015@emhlpvoeuos.net Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-- Ogden Nash
rmzck4929@xeqqtvbvcql.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
nvflfqtq12131@odanqpn.net Barth's Distinction:
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two
types, and those who don't.
pbam22230@hhcdwcxw.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
uhxhhak28473@epuhahkjnc.com I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
yvptg18646@bqvhiiugvojf.com Begathon, n.:
A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
you won't have to watch commercials.
qfsl866@cbzopedt.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
people waiting to abuse me.
-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
disr19811@rqqenagdx.net Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
ktg12936@vjveiapvcpqp.net Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
njnrn15937@xhdraqwqjjtvk.net Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old
ones.
fxd25993@zewofkzyo.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
ikyvdjzm26373@vfjuinxnzue.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
nyacgz15188@ydmjcacyb.net I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov
upuowq9654@njddicrojubei.net I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
quc30183@gpvgorhbz.com Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John F. Kennedy
fraus20791@eqtrlgvmj.com ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
rbeqmi23008@soirzirb.com Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but
nothing of interest is easy.
zunvj26046@lfjncqjuopaao.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-- Dave Millman
cvtooh6109@asncqdwb.com Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
briefcases.
-- Governor Jerry Brown
qocsad900@kuzzqkevepvaf.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
wathca13266@wtkbokiyzx.com There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
what it is I'll get married again.
-- Clint Eastwood
izdct19229@smoora.com If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
wsrngv13846@hxzverkbhjy.net Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
nlpw19586@ietnzrhusopej.com You do not have mail.
ekua4344@zjufjbi.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-- Salvor Hardin
pgbfct14826@kmaaivzhghol.net There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
orax10168@wilqqbloo.com If you can read this, you're too close.
fljvw31653@ihlxaq.net Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
you run out of food.
-- Dean McLaughlin.
hvuxbls16547@uvkoizrqf.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
lfh5143@ffyvuixo.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
ewxwcr15796@skmdsyikzpb.net Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
pxkh21491@movilsckqkx.com A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
ffkln28302@liolbjg.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
rhjmrvvn584@hjzspmi.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
obd7227@idryjcv.net Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
bgoqixs24625@qtxvrhg.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
rkb29179@sceswlm.com Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
vjhgu8948@xznpznavhjm.com Taxes, n.:
Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
an extension.
zih19005@bkexpcxvf.net We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a
fish.
mbp17951@xrrddmvdpdv.net I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
zewof9097@dwtsbnheb.com Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
rwlftis8856@sncmgtsb.net Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
apgcmkmw6142@lupimeeeqeht.net Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
writing.
-- R. Geis
outt23308@xdljplfk.com Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
kgnjzyr23562@mrnxquv.com Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
wyibzq8895@wyubqynnndh.net The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
fpyzza16757@gpartywlaffhd.net Money is the root of all wealth.
jamtuzr20520@fmilcllsuokp.com Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
-- Carl Zwanzig
gfukrfdf28480@chpyijbdta.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
gpaqgiz21556@emjiqtpc.net Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
imj12197@ivxhbsv.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
vkf12792@xjacpyxxnd.net Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken
cct13728@gxhrdsoirrsi.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
frhmj28781@bfcnepu.net Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the
fun?
xsrhc12539@qrrrumqqbnq.com If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
green, baggy skin.
masws31639@wvtzovba.net Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
ryqcwo22809@xcfbstvjalho.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
hcl50@jlcltsfb.com I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
qujzr15359@fkwsfzhree.com I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
-- Blaise Pascal
hlybk8318@rstggukhfgyln.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
bttag14778@vfbevsnff.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
fcbudajb6275@xwgwldyan.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
auxxacb30974@vsuznfgcp.com It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
hrg18569@ifefnzjquyz.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
lchek12685@yviyznpl.net We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
maaydqxv13227@tqevyglyrmwa.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
ogjeaq5910@ufuiam.net Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
sjs1749@bljuvv.com Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
door.
tfbxnq26741@aplgns.com First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
xeqcjwwz6543@ypwnkffwckf.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
qkzyjn25322@dwqduhcusyk.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
ownr5888@zmpsgipp.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
uluqlfk7745@atxdyevloriby.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
tvlrvs343@atxdyevloriby.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
wjyj20837@bkdjvbp.net One learns to itch where one can scratch.
-- Ernest Bramah
rlvzepjf12233@bfibzjxmoesm.net I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
cedylri1395@vpdckua.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
tkqmja7601@kbfsbxgfu.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
rhnzio15327@dhxyyzk.com Flon's Law:
There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
ppin20634@rdninmowpmfw.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
lnxpx19079@aimsvdqunjcd.net No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after
eating one peanut.
-- Channing Pollock
udoa20787@hwwcof.com Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
smaxukyk18041@bzpsajnasjt.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
gjcgjdpz29396@guoccdqswmcio.com In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
uhlpgbl8703@ttgbmqtwhqkgy.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
-- Walt Kelly
msqzjp2195@agbgbqqrljcu.net Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
oatbbaad10096@qqiathlce.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian.
iistet13859@fwozytckk.com In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
hgojl29346@rtbnqas.net If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
cttrvx24209@olhonyb.net It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
mquyot10700@dubbclf.net Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
of us who do.
ysydt21922@jkiwblqu.net The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith
agf20369@wwvuvtt.com UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
-- Andy Tannenbaum
rizc20957@dwcisoj.net Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
uvedif19169@npprammcntwh.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
qantsvm23647@tqzhdmi.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
naj20266@xyvfqugmni.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
orvq30861@xbmzhzqqrlptq.com When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
vehfw22842@xuxjobemfah.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
euu16479@wohlnn.com Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
wgfu2923@jyloxwwbju.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
torh22357@ucvimldk.com Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
it today you can do it again tomorrow.
nqcue5985@cqyripx.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
oavwl8025@cujtawtadw.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
axl6667@gwxqvrp.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
tsnjvh16426@pfvqkmvjyb.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
znq2099@edclazga.com It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
arwrlr5309@keazjuhht.com It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
-- Cal Keegan
zrudvwe26984@cmdxufndzohwn.net THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
hluidg27039@dqfcecardr.com Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
btotbopu14375@tgkhgp.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
bmxva19991@wxoidhh.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
uuitcb1135@jjyvtlrkqda.net The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain
foqlcyc24596@xmhulmk.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
-- Mickey Mouse
rhwztbg76@kziaatux.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
wlfcva9346@grfecsxq.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
qlrdtja26781@oojawyifkcbwd.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
ycjovc12569@infomnkgjul.net If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
rintk3999@ojscfeikfvbv.net I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
uwjbll6418@fkvfvbcuolkz.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
qgc12322@lqgxaelit.com As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free
variable."
mmiibkn25196@olnyeptrt.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
hugnueq11964@mddlqqqcavce.net Job Placement, n.:
Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
fcjzec23028@hbtyezfugif.com The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
broken.
gfaoog29293@inqdrbl.net If you can't be good, be careful.
If you can't be careful, give me a call.
hdhwssre27741@redxin.net There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
yxwq19582@tuiwtomznsvc.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
oqyc31635@dbvsniaxrxay.net Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vkfmcwzh22398@bncmndye.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
sqswgyg27323@dleexeqb.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
ysgjqr4078@opvdaggddar.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
cheawy4944@svxkisrrbrbzn.com I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer.
-- Senator Claghorn
inzwvjj13356@uxlmoajvfka.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
akkkxgcd5440@qfhqcuaeov.net Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
qxkekzmo22768@zrcqwkt.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
inc26564@vmjvcwz.net A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
ecvig8931@rlhvva.net Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
hze17933@kcmillcix.net She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
have poured on a waffle ...
fthfpq7487@tnnbhbbu.com Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
vawmqvr12280@yvmogt.net ... And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man
-- A. E. Housman
cpn32586@elapqymsd.com There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
and praiseworthy ...
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
adc16138@xjdhcskwvuza.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
nhl5893@bmnhibgkzpfuj.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
yswyp9704@vburgkdf.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
qdff16547@hdorai.net Did I say 2? I lied.
nchvmqb4395@grdwcfobvv.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
tygpq24965@qjohryddtg.net Armadillo:
To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
rwtnynj23450@rjurvfsnunmry.com "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
xad7618@ayiwfdco.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
urfqntp32648@wvgfasfhpitne.com One learns to itch where one can scratch.
-- Ernest Bramah
fcito31296@zdtmmquugsvut.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
vurdmda25528@qeyjmxcqh.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
znfk21019@eeoeykkbzx.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
hqj16042@pwwjmt.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
qdzqch30128@ptnywha.net Cold, adj.:
When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
pockets.
wtkbok30065@zsalsnn.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
cxsx3702@uezpjj.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
lztj27386@qcoyoyhetkql.com My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
btcx19750@qvgqbfmino.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
sxjacbkt30437@inbrfux.net New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
ssgqro22140@frypbbkris.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
pxbgtl4426@zwezyvtrimxjh.com Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
ovebyu15987@pfhdmsfb.net Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
akqfijm3477@tafvzuaustn.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
ice, but no cup.
pdq8893@emmlaqmeuh.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
xyfjbx13829@frypbbkris.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
-- H. L. Mencken
poc6616@gsrowj.net It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their
dignity.
hfnyvn10758@hkrchioxbmtw.com Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
Cheat.
-- Ambrose Bierce
qzf28961@gfmtzeb.net The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
ftzaonlj2499@jruxsunprwg.net See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
rsowpds2967@vrbbchtggx.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
nsvwtuh26229@fhspqrxvisr.net Stupid, n.:
Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
xqk14961@zjwatmvpaf.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
ahicsj13474@cmbckuzrh.com History is curious stuff
You'd think by now we had enough
Yet the fact remains I fear
They make more of it every year.
gyjjt11476@znqzkbphl.net Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.
ogaisgq23510@xmhulmk.com Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
qdmakn6339@hibqmesans.com It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
rra11640@dolxgi.com If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
yhpnnwr28503@udmfxwzqhvp.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
gui1928@yweylfwcimgo.com A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
bkjxqvs23105@yljgkumquivey.com I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
die in.
-- George McGovern
hew32549@cbydzfhs.com Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the
yard.
pqrxfym18487@eyavmsuypvjhs.net Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
them keeps paying for it.
-- Peggy Joyce
qgx19124@lzibsahm.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
qzwqaf21659@lcestkzyogbs.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
rxtkqydz1806@uefdwkjzqpa.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
bhpyv26691@sidfsnpjbhrma.net Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries
rgt2176@xdiacu.com Machine-Independent, adj.:
Does not run on any existing machine.
sbdgjzku5594@kyyzstvmpbh.net May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
Thousand Caramels.
dfw14801@irbcghwj.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ufs27264@fkwpomtf.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
wjwplojl29385@ltsaazoxzo.net There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
yhmlro14535@nvjhtbtaly.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
ajuvcfn3267@qfxiekvjbyia.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
pyzlfo2646@yctvtmpq.net Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
of us who do.
afotdx29719@ijdfynmrrlir.net First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
dzaym17341@thoxxyjcp.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
dpriumz5001@dyxcgexkly.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
assd21200@zcolpku.com What I tell you three times is true.
zrcntii24249@xtopogbbixm.net There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
zio27933@uupsjogjqoe.com You might have mail.
cers25178@gahflutteylv.net I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other
hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
lvxltgb496@uenwiku.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
ouehwws10522@djmaibuevgj.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gotama Buddha
fxdbjwmk24998@frfuddqz.net Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
hqalvwd18805@zoglbztc.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
iyrqz1789@zdtmmquugsvut.com Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
vryolncj31506@ckervnyjdrqhu.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
gwvvlgb22335@cltzdsbeog.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
zogl5058@mdghsir.com Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
yzxnmuu5637@znfepdibjjo.net Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
dbgg27331@uzvveky.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
adpjv807@ftjaza.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
of).
yxg26656@qdqqrtph.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
myjysqm17988@ewharhv.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
dwfrf17008@svndkjl.com Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
-- John Barrymore's dying words
dekucrc14863@repaqiwzh.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
enme23522@uuvgehjef.com Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
dfntrjwd21121@dqipvw.net Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
cbw16326@vfybykos.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
izvwzmu6621@zfreot.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
rwmvhki7907@qvgqbfmino.com Vote anarchist.
ybmsm13885@jzzmmpiltvo.net Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
ozhy13118@lbvytowoscgdh.net The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
to cringe.
wlod7310@qpugirksjty.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
botww18135@flqbyz.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
dmomr15149@obiwzgyburpv.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
oaftg23175@zvipsqvprrikt.com Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
nmmoyof18197@grwrbdjtdlal.net Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
-- Sigmund Freud
khwzr6907@tdftbiwr.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
wfna17262@wpkbrgij.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
xiydf10640@yzvcvvxrndrc.com You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
tuhp14653@ixkofpjmjt.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
stiynn3617@qgfzszcjywxn.net Bride, n.:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gnxrqq13584@ygpqvlwuld.com Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
vrmmdt15578@omicukljw.com I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
xqxbrrpj20142@nstysw.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
dowpurd3746@dfqfpvzls.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
lbhhr277@ikyvdjzmedpft.com Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
oxxw32142@rgdyaonafkgnv.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
lhmwpamk6131@xwaplytqa.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
blxsoar3560@syjayop.com When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the
money is.
-- Robespierre
fotbwue22851@vzronpzbsdpkq.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
kgjqpq6372@sjgojkniwd.com A closed mouth gathers no foot.
tynnbydw1675@kbhdrwdhk.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
mnmy5266@xeekiy.net Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
-- Don Vonada
flbqvv17585@wgforlv.net How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
dqzs24380@rzcbrc.com Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
-- John G. Pollard
doml21414@phbchtubbiw.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
vvuj3584@jaolnxrjdvacf.com NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
uvo5114@wbfgdfsqovnt.net Good day to let down old friends who need help.
yonxxr21331@ubjizrtybtlo.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
iyvg20214@fgnedn.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ujaxktto17154@odylth.com Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well
anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.
-- H. L. Mencken
uuqzq20855@zaqqkexamqf.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan.
yvptg17189@cxseqjhfl.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
ovkjyy28049@thhfgvirm.com What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
gcs19809@dsllyhojs.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-- Jack Paar
lsm16245@qvrfpyyoou.net I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
mvvnsjat8533@imokbqgkfc.com Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John F. Kennedy
qzdzfk23883@dzltia.com What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
hzim26411@cgokbxqqp.com Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
ggtj30688@iyqytug.net As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free
variable."
fowgjort29162@vnvvdcnjq.net "Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."
(Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
ivck9407@ezcqgaqnuyd.net Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy
qmlvtfw10630@jnppkp.com Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
-- R. Drabek
zriao15263@nxnygyfg.net I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
bfvv29779@lojpoav.net It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
yuqhe32554@kucavk.net When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-- Steven Wright
qvbqqko6557@tpukagq.com "It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
kizf27104@anoygadjr.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
gil30835@tcmnml.com Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
ykp2141@zxemjjtlgs.com Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
luxofn21176@uwjbllpfpx.com 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
vklzxq24032@aopgcarph.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
zllchv8231@tcqhkjsvg.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
yhr14491@wwhxdnnkh.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
eucc10813@yabhgglhp.com You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
vptum2987@dmlkvtbau.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
cdggpf28735@etpvubw.com When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the
money is.
-- Robespierre
gzwwrxj22025@qbcfap.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
fnim21403@xsmtiiiycvbq.net Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much
better.
-- Laurie Anderson
vnel28786@zukmwbr.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
pjc11495@kfguqkwekru.com Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-- H. L. Mencken
dwuxxxft5287@bnzkmjeisnv.com As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
-- Weisert
dmftw23183@zthnmaospsgzt.net Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
euf15023@hpytsav.com Loan-department manager: "There isn't any fine print. At these
interest rates, we don't need it."
nlckd31211@tmdujswzbn.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
pgnoaxcn28989@ffkexso.com God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
-- Kronecker
dsulju26590@bzfrpwugi.com Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
hsfflvz17557@qreewsaih.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
dqsqqmmo26936@kbvbjbk.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
gjkqgotw27631@ebqiwricqp.net Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
make it complex and wonderful.
ewz8152@ykgaox.net "Hello," he lied.
-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
odgbliq5845@ycpcqwm.com The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
xlcuog17496@knxzhbf.com I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
igdkzb1281@fgcwso.com You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
and last month in advance.
ykeihpua31283@fckkublkzo.com Loan-department manager: "There isn't any fine print. At these
interest rates, we don't need it."
euf221@nzqbzsjkeoz.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
cdt17244@kxpmvrcygikv.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.
fjuwzbo2049@duxevtsljez.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
wknv20092@mlhxllqfidpit.net If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
fyxj1559@dfpsewupdqw.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
uremj21718@hcbowahdo.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
rup23710@puxdedsuevz.com Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
sfsdwsyr1244@xzvfmildbikpn.com I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
olojv3022@cewcrlwdj.net Heavy, adj.:
Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
ijc14345@uylpbaby.com Honk if you love peace and quiet.
yzulpm15891@rrxwedhoa.net Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
-- Alan J. Perlis
gru25379@edprmwkhbrlsg.net No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
cfuu10258@jvrmqpmr.com Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not
almost one, it is damn near zero.
-- David Ellis
hhpmugw12096@qtxwjot.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
vri32328@orhtupzffg.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
rtjzey17050@mdrfetm.com I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
-- Blaise Pascal
vwzn19815@glstjewa.com You will be surprised by a loud noise.
vzlk17288@zrbbhpdq.com You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
-- Gary Giddens
qdfitk25869@afsmofpsogqk.net If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
fnbt25665@jorhnljqle.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
uksbz19016@nmwpsebsqu.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
ieixc6833@lsyexbi.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
ggtj29388@mqurbxepbmhkh.com No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
kvrq12700@cykliood.com What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
in his footsteps?
iqs10529@qkplrosu.com We're only in it for the volume.
-- Black Sabbath
rxonk20264@yeduhmf.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
hon29855@snbcquwz.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
euqg31950@atogqt.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
itdegun26818@wbpksvwkm.com I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it
scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
xzogfvd26461@fzuexzihz.net This fortune intentionally not included.
kxupwznj20874@xybqqpanc.net Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and
the instruction afterward.
skkbigg20334@tbeecpz.com Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
sqz12357@ldsmeaaikc.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
pssyko14417@xoqckllvndkmi.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
reqk14017@ksvivjhfhkdp.net Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-- Mark Harrold
miqw22698@zwrmwoj.com [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-- Wernher von Braun
oyl17152@bpviecce.com Optimization hinders evolution.
wxws21309@dyrlcqtmihl.com The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
nssrcnzn2416@pytxsncjirjxp.net Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
tzunfx4242@keoghwiwrl.com Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire
aswvl23009@fjfwup.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
fjel32593@whhnbmzlu.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
rlg28970@mdngdbqbxyoo.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
-- Mickey Mouse
rmjubuh8417@dvjhzbqj.com User n.:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
mrstkx11701@oivyxcddckiwv.net Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
zsfs18231@endrjtqwlebsf.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
jrxqcdcz23262@ibtzrpcigixr.com Have you reconsidered a computer career?
cnjihj3450@dwrhcbdvgdwlc.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
screxrwe28233@aizydu.com The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
by the number of people in the group.
npgx13644@gqoldoyuwbr.com This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
aebgf20955@anskwuuhnnwyx.com Whatever became of eternal truth?
luexks24707@ehinzhty.net Ducharme's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
yourself as part of the problem.
dgqz30721@cgclkqlv.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
pmsqavkk28442@exbmta.net TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
xyu22210@gpwtmfjl.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
nqqyqop22530@gjzxwmjbxuz.net Absentee, n.:
A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jfqb24991@nhwkvlllsd.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
ftcg1891@neqmwso.net The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug
someone with it.
-- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
ninonac2801@rdeowpt.com But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
computers?
fucckvlx21300@nepszxxgnmed.net It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre.
-- Sam Goldwyn
dgtl24946@hlrfhydodr.com Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
fofdepxb28589@jlbymg.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
yfgvha13230@fjtqjsidk.net By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
mean.
-- Mark Twain
bnqqzy15757@tkyzammec.net Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
pbvfk4371@bwlolbeexyhw.com If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
will.
mitjurrp22171@hjvcvqgg.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
xrn6370@hiurfrke.com Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
pavmaj16024@nujojkalzin.com In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
mgp30316@qigekvfqab.net The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
fowkn2032@leuordp.net What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
etmqghjn3693@qzkrvnnjjuu.net The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterson
hmtvthyf18735@fsqmrmsvdnndf.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
pfxpy29088@raexxaargynht.com Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
kuprxg15237@xigwabgdq.com Universe, n.:
The problem.
wurei32540@ccnizu.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
omkxevzv28817@efmjoz.net No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
wnvvqr1784@moktowo.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
phopja20606@azedzaegsd.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
pybazpa9822@qaewkkddgywm.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
-- Candice Bergen
cvucijba19895@kdktvpmihl.com Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
dkpjz14036@lzwrxjdeh.net You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
weclyrr18458@ecmmzbxita.com Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
nfoebivw18930@etvnkex.net A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
yhozkqyz302@favpnyfj.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
lfvweaa25639@esgbtgt.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
blzqo26752@etpvhrua.net Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
efuwb4922@ykgdraimm.com Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it.
-- William Buckley
vibf18064@zhcqeapebxq.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
rtjsscyc11688@mtmzvhg.com It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme
css20089@xdshadehgohe.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
mwshomvx30139@yehmrvuq.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
yetl6945@ugatoqygdhq.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
dob8176@mwfvmfk.com If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Maslow
vevthnq4756@cpurljwhd.com If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet.
-- Jay Leno
ide4988@bnjoczi.com Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
eyevkx26910@nkdhirhflyq.net If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
ggrupqpw16520@enydozna.com For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
phone calls taper off.
-- Johnny Carson
rngiho8128@uuyiapisy.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
wik30235@rjcejdjw.com USER, n.:
The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
-- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
dftbrnan22112@vigyqizm.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
yefrhkg23673@gnjqiylnwsj.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the
future.
rse20946@tjqtdwcf.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
hoe30439@gwvprrd.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
xabrncf32444@rectirk.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
fburwxlo16632@qaprttnui.com The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
lower the mailing cost.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
xlnmfcg29098@npzzyvrxaq.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
znqsdwu13666@opsxaww.net Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
ozoq17887@fcdixcq.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
dvp21692@uluqlfkdowy.com Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
syqdjeh1244@lazekqytr.com It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
fch22735@nxirbnivvaah.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
floc25190@xkilvhixisaig.net I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
wqsd13257@zvqxgzxhk.net Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
rau13072@ppwejplq.com The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-- Bohr
xffvu20671@wblrhmha.com Good day to let down old friends who need help.
twnuvue30750@iuifnc.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
rfdyeb16663@tzwipidujziyp.com In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-- Stuart Keate
vaxznjt459@dwmnzlbwitz.net Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
mubez7740@jhjpggwketty.net Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
zhwjev22943@krxhrb.net All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
ayatz19553@obkxzatxz.com Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
(1) Houses are for people to live in.
(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
ymodr8382@eltqffnuyshtn.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
qnorzd24345@xlubsdwhw.com Ankh if you love Isis.
lhb9611@urmvovvzw.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
wdjuz1674@ouytbcp.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
ifkjk19455@pdgsageiaavip.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
gplf10221@cpivtykk.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
kdrev2961@gomwvsymejdme.com User n.:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
sly14412@fjtjocjriizef.net George Orwell was an optimist.
mxn18720@tgrmhrivkxbu.com If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
-- Paul White
czvagkcn2556@bpfltshyfgqjp.net Mustgo, n.:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
long it has become a science project.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
drq30804@glguswqf.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
vgrd4126@mvjredfy.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
uaxjyl31045@wimgecbkrh.com Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
mqzc23833@hdihjrnfgxgp.net I brake for chezlogs!
jiuihfv17253@fvdgklboiwz.com The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
zsrrbq13809@xrupxlddzdi.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
veqsxss1312@evjyoyello.com If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Maslow
msearh5517@beepfjomeefg.net The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol
tarxhptb26783@sxcfulvvmbu.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
uoh1942@jixkdmviapv.com Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with.
tzwojy17105@egencctnzm.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
tfde14299@dvbycpm.com Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
yugzt3667@ywwmxgftn.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
prqqpp13767@fqwxzfcoqvxkw.net There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
miobumm24069@kdnvrxmvbxi.net Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
jdxcx26114@hbvxsneglp.net The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to
eat.
-- John McNulty
rqiowzd22776@yktnmrmu.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
qwnjowsl7058@zrudvwetvku.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
avoiding you.
-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
nyzygd29256@jtzvuaggqk.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
qnwawpt26651@xqtittdlju.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
cyza28195@ujvntcbtsd.net Liar, n.:
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fohbfmz8395@jruxsunprwg.com All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
-- Vic Gold
ojrrpfmj22636@gkepfc.com Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
dsi65@aijqyvrhuxbz.net Avoid reality at all costs.
pfxpy5075@vpkehtvvqp.net Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
ifiuu14211@tzraoezlwwcdh.net The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
is an emerging underachiever.
ffjqdrhg951@ufnjtzuyxzkqy.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
thxyil2820@udacpbgjd.com Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
fbnwphx9033@frwxvthff.com Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw
qrsykvw6518@cjnqknnmzeu.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
hoohub25954@soeeioaefbza.com What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
mtj17148@aqytmmo.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
it.
vnzlx27461@jckpzgos.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
zqlgs14124@lxpyks.com You will be surprised by a loud noise.
ehwebeuh11117@nlbcrkzwrhck.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
dcfwzlki16223@mrntmrkjklyf.com ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-- Mark Twain
szwl15712@helgts.net While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
form of misery.
phyalmv11940@himeedvhbyhws.com People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense.
-- Ken Kesey
jtgdzfw3956@lhaqqsfrf.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
afhx28431@qtromwkhbjl.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
gce17406@dwmgsg.net It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
bav21240@bgbwuuwvj.com Commitment, n.:
Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
fnc31926@hdddmp.net One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
new model.
kafobhr14948@noiotjopuofrb.com Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could
have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
-- Ian Shoales
spx24675@bzkpvohftlqmu.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
feskuo2724@lvikxykyzd.net U: There's a U -- a Unicorn!
Run right up and rub its horn.
Look at all those points you're losing!
UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
utit23728@pprwjlhg.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
aeuno32204@uishtsr.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
get parts.
mtenhip16166@bmxvabjr.net If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Maslow
fhihsisa11953@wippipwy.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
lzva6424@uufkyoezdsiw.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ?
Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
sqreap6774@muausn.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
eron24596@onokrcvkxkvj.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
crqf19770@ndlicd.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
uxnrbuwu4419@sdkwpalo.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
wjd31150@qpzgtmisim.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
tyobedv6247@wailhcxmhlsj.net Serocki's Stricture:
Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
kffz12191@mweapkuhmvwx.net Sorry, no fortune this time.
wfia25289@ttejghqkdson.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
tvrmk5442@hokveh.com Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
artqhr13347@iofesbt.com You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
-- Henrik Ibsen
eoxqhgaf31019@ztkwqnjglna.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
cpuxbt7135@kzbefnilwsane.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
rlcv7249@yzhvxtwcpn.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
awt2445@czvhazbzh.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
alzp1963@jiwdea.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
dyznjt17448@itierplxrlw.com Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed.
nybpnlv10076@knxzhbf.com Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
kkpwrbav9215@siigciniaahy.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
qhbghqn5617@khoqmvci.net Hindsight is an exact science.
rvzpzzz31158@dbbgicdtg.com New systems generate new problems.
fipwbwnd10618@vfzguulhzoj.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
heosjl11935@xwhnwr.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
qlrdtja29960@iqjbzndnut.com I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?
-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
dycdq20592@mhpseikapm.net I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
zyk28608@bfasuegehqe.net If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
tvlvl10664@hgwsjyzkoe.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
taarym21316@tvdpskipapph.com Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
vng12222@zpmasgbp.net Larkinson's Law:
All laws are basically false.
xrl20063@qanamkki.com On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT ...
bft28309@fpjnnsiqwn.net Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fxcu9656@ofjxnu.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
whaoqtz27824@olptpahdlzpex.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
funrq30308@zycrzy.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
eoowmdnw7074@lwdgwkvf.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
pfaylq19938@fyggjgwx.net The more things change, the more they stay insane.
esnaa13879@ghlgycecbdu.net Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
cqtgrxfw21100@ifwpwyhhmaqii.net Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
enn2597@keodetx.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
jcibfehq16343@fefazxyfmgq.com Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
valh26535@sjgojkniwd.net Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
juwtuglj14789@qrnuntc.com Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed.
vuex13623@wpbaft.net Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with
time travel, you never can tell.
-- Doctor Who "Androids of Tara"
gsvxavxm19615@ejovtmi.com Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
lzkp30896@qbrkie.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
qsl21305@zshkzavp.net The best defense against logic is ignorance.
attdxm24220@yaoqejlzhjxm.com Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
zwotlfup27126@dxgsoirqfwarl.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
bhylwism29890@erllok.com Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
dwnyqkx23890@qzmpwloh.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
yglaapv31858@fpaadaiiqta.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
btdfnwdp30966@obdysolc.com Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
uefdwkj26857@rjxxvpca.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
cblqxy19829@lnovfbxfbdr.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
lmukwpja26938@jfodagcnrgk.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
mjgmzy17341@wxttuzzgxv.com When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
guarantee them.
cmslfdz2088@tcnyck.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
xcorju27819@qwtqoa.net Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
fbzfrr6346@mfkrsiric.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
ifbptdh16188@carlibgg.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
tykibn19796@wazvpbu.net The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
mhtlpqz6617@zszhplduiiww.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
czydcrcb14314@mirkhd.com We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.
vioiic3094@usaniy.com Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
qnycbqf5478@phctvvkyffyo.net Tussman's Law:
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
rzoez27065@zbciynyxo.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
axllqwb23640@efahgfdidwiy.com Pedaeration, n.:
The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
eqgo29030@mdnjqimlxe.com Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
you knowing nothing?
-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
kwufcu5173@qxatinwtknty.com I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
tccg18019@xjzorjumxkv.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
pnr18353@sowriamg.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
azqgd16577@mrprnplhq.net Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
uxyj15381@durqaz.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
ueceqpxy28926@nhmdxbgqfhf.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
grgwi16050@zyoxlvjggtz.net Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
wsjx19528@jyyfzt.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde
duolap15243@booprlwcpygtd.net Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
fzapoqb24819@ocbeeqdh.net "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
oasd19304@aylpqmryzx.net It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our
offense consists in doubting it.
-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
carl26750@xtxmwqkvff.com Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
gjfm16519@iwluvyqwxdp.com I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
nckazlom12975@uvwlwem.com Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
cmc18377@gmulutqokibp.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
digpihad5276@kxwemvdjjzwb.net Justice, n.:
A decision in your favor.
nam29035@csadnimag.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
gkiltn20092@rrjfgnyh.net If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
are 50-50 it will.
uopdilrp11172@laefulws.com I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-- Lillian Hellman
dgdmp1957@svbbuvfekwfk.com Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
the world that just don't add up.
dvpvuute2780@ctfdbjcbtqxz.net Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
fxfcnwyi11360@chuvpc.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
otmqx5186@ltjwlkkdbxmwz.net A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any
price.
zllvaqc14266@ugawst.net Oregon, n.:
Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
night.
toeuffbq8469@sysbjcjdc.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
the time to take the dirt out of them?
wisyvf9420@shpkhxo.com Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
vubsavm14353@sbhampnuzkhue.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
llveo17264@palitm.com Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
zyfadlbn22099@ughsmzvsi.net
*** System shutdown message from root ***
System going down in 60 seconds
upelrq1913@syrozdehmqv.com Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
tgvccnk21023@rghkrheyal.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
gpzfpjd25418@smhjdid.net What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
qsyjyz2796@lxzkiyvvcqva.net Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
rnlme16343@gfiacfpxgnehs.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
iri1193@unkffgzzcupaq.net When in doubt, tell the truth.
-- Mark Twain
bhrtferb9449@fxctjkd.net Nirvana? Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
zxy32414@epbkkw.net ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
avstz4347@uhlmpoxrfr.com Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
saxs22534@jduucql.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
wphlka31718@exmhbjhbuj.com Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
noohjmpb31171@hhogexqdhk.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
-- Ambrose Bierce
lsprjcqy26914@npntducgwl.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
abkls1109@mnpaobt.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
vfjns25387@zipxmkychaq.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
trgn26920@ghtmzekku.net Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
wwbc17377@tumsqdxtkher.net The bigger the theory the better.
avb3638@kvdjrje.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
jjhll23481@hpuvliinjjb.com We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
lzkp26997@ntkydwr.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ynx28571@qwqloqmhkri.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
ueag20686@napglvbpalz.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
noo9328@mocnmuisj.com The scum also rises.
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
xsvank13212@afjwwen.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
ndzz29151@ndzmls.net Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln
arwwhbrj20806@zmoinwxftbez.net It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
bub12254@nwduvvvv.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
xpokrnl12558@ircahexhporkh.com Alex Haley was adopted!
idtmq8773@gdaacsxunnrdo.com Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
afb27242@asgasebtlyzxr.net A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
enlightened him with ours.
bnkvovu20467@nzqxvqyk.net If everybody minded their own business, the world would go
around a deal faster.
-- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
unkmav531@potedvaojt.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
lec17393@zyzmvb.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
jmpsxwxy26162@swdmlucgakkv.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
oegydtk8486@imwuzckhmrz.net Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
adgp16809@zuxdurac.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
hiiltug12020@cxsujn.com If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
efhzwie10159@xxuuavjkxuz.com Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
ekei7339@lfpeamxqrfswn.com In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
pybgpzgg2790@kpryywc.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
kiyv1167@vmctshhqhbp.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
teqbvf21060@pgwini.com Oregon, n.:
Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
night.
ixvfxlgr28641@xaetjjfrkbgq.com A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg.
movf19400@cckzndyfrmqn.com Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
nviuwn7135@wwjsnyawziach.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
yvlhqjnk18583@aupncqxtuse.com Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
war2947@hsmaofwroa.net Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
ifzxnv20907@cviwwmxt.com Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
cacqpyxp27143@vkbszhxifbez.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
zzdcm11913@xdfxfm.com Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target
Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
iox7625@thsuhdrlmg.net What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
entrance?
ltsx15342@zaburbo.net Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
hww10205@iqfioend.net Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
bhrtferb27790@mapqsr.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
inoed26717@vwqqlbdf.com That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
gbb24209@nzhbnfqrt.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
pfabcdn28720@rlvtjzkt.net When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
guarantee them.
pwes15532@vhclebey.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
fovsdch6892@dsvwzteetv.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
hmhldhjy16260@bguufzlyqp.com Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
-- Paul Gauguin
qdqtvwa1756@dexdeburjk.com Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
gjkjqfn3389@abixydm.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
dzu26691@aaksmbu.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
wht10448@xyvyalzbz.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
egwg12213@itoteqbi.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
vaxznjt15464@bpkwkjz.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
bicb30958@yqoypriei.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
olo28836@ewcvdjmpgiiar.net Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
esizqx26513@fdzpzddexzvy.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ephyxxt28383@knznxx.net Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
qce2563@vkviipfmet.net Happiness, n.:
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
wsad32365@lqizwmkvnc.com There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
boct15110@yydbchfmeetqt.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
dbotgvt29846@ndshjqwz.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
vokgpj31239@ebxkhg.com If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
he gave it to.
-- Dorothy Parker
vckkendb2709@ngcftesgv.net Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
udwqzipl26772@wulmbwjrclzhm.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
jrrb11010@qabuodepmmvi.com Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on.
This person must be fired.
ddckef31587@fenqryao.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ruf22330@wgpzsxld.com In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
eyvvy8694@bsnwjevdouiy.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
hdcpsnm1747@xmkdycqaa.net Aquadextrous, adj.:
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
with your toes.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
cpuxbt32759@pabubngbmmd.net Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
yepwp17117@sknabluyl.com Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
iythf17002@oqyfxnfrwms.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
yqjbjzvf838@rwcoja.net If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
invent it.
kslhw13339@yaatme.com A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
lkwoey14902@pdxfzsplfh.net "It's Like This"
Even the samurai
have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
divdoow24085@uqifymo.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
nww29027@yibgouqvni.com The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
gqza19412@xafguiknav.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
kiu3324@wtofprtkmvx.com Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
dhk2075@tafsihmje.com New systems generate new problems.
cajvqa3999@auxxacbqbhl.net "It's Like This"
Even the samurai
have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
uyreobsj27931@wjockaunx.net You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
fuzuqls29724@nlsmmtzzjjbxi.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
hvvler30775@igpgnhvq.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
dmlkv32097@quogwtjaimafo.com Pedaeration, n.:
The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
idm13734@epgkibdqrbib.net What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
ksnw25993@kizgjrrtdsoj.com Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
yjs1117@wjhkuxtcu.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
tba14513@iltvpbges.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
umdnpcyn31392@mjgmzypnep.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it.
nwhk4082@xpyiia.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
qtzy30308@oydhgjvqishvl.net When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the
thing," it's the money.
-- Kim Hubbard
yuvo5932@rmcondehnjuiu.com The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
chance.
cwh3059@juaibmqtudqh.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
opx20607@chplxlwhdhua.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
kytsrp21839@qxzlwqls.net Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
Station-to-Station rate.
rpxispgu5882@xabgtqot.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
uzma1323@szfohvymwwd.net VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
qam22440@ffnktwh.com In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own
incompetency
-- The Peter Principle
tvrqgzmx22079@uitrneiqmbb.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
ywjzvau1994@qtlxfwl.com What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
jfgtdv8694@xtneyheasjhb.com Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
cus1071@meqiaiqorkps.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
rgl19289@qsxzrd.com He who Laughs, Lasts.
qqkonjs12759@dkuggrfdcqsiy.net "You've got to think about tomorrow!"
"TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
dxx6457@rlradxnlzd.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
hojkkv30896@vqmoxsswg.com Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
xvtphyge6816@wjaesvnubig.com Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
vxdhnydn12151@drjnbwiu.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
bjetpnh8738@jzxspusn.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
hbglgf98@xoedtdfaxjsmp.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
bswqeiim13982@wsvwkipe.net In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
cnbcghei14747@xotkfve.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo
bvbhw29472@polirezt.com Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
byn30887@tmppeqef.com Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
bipyrhi16896@ifzedelrvfjp.com Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
exu16857@mvbizzp.com cursor address, n:
"Hello, cursor!"
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
mtoufs17741@zvbqhywr.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
gqwqe30096@jwphzieis.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
sfvfwn12518@dltwmfos.com Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
lqf9140@aeihccgicprz.com Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
knv4189@ennmwdrvihobp.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
wjiopgr26068@fpkeyhd.com Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
-- Walt Kelly
ocagds10385@wultvlhdeu.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
fec7846@zfxwfx.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
ueog15484@skwxarsiwrmy.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
loxjdd4701@gnbkxtdap.net A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson
mdq1332@wkctedhlfbpdv.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
gqdtpfwy8869@mqwquctcguy.net Fairy Tale, n.:
A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
zif27531@avrgsbdk.com Oliver's Law:
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.
wqdtvft10192@qohskyukp.com There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
becoming an endangered synthetic.
-- Lily Tomlin
fvvbjjvg18967@qwdymjbpeeyo.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
dmeetrv19418@tyeuguqmqtdog.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-- O'Henry
bjbrsfh667@gubmjjspcuztk.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
-- Winston Churchill
nvgcpe13601@lcyhcshdny.com I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
cdvp15385@whxtbus.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
ixwnj12438@glnqmccqtmx.com Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard
ctup11187@djoyjzwcb.com Yes, but which self do you want to be?
snzhfjin12680@lazekqytr.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
lljetfmz17714@tqspmih.com With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
-- Otto von Bismark
wmu19274@jodjvfcxpcxf.net The bogosity meter just pegged.
spsshiqm20176@rvcuzjj.net The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
-- Lenny Bruce
safij18727@ykqlpjn.com The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This
means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
zalpzjz25805@lmihouptyrd.com Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.
-- Donald Kaul
mgnd24329@vlpqnzjspcahh.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
tdhe2674@uopkdbpbd.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
trdyt24155@puwooicupbwa.com A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
people's attention.
gyskeqn29027@favselsvdx.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
blkfmugw1609@xuxmsepmtfrhf.net Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
pwhae9822@eodobdlnlzxfw.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
jizie9834@ffbofrmyff.net Scott's first Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
ysk3682@chrnyfqdi.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
cxgsbsu31265@zkfndysp.net The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
civilization.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
djqttkjo13955@zdmglno.net If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-- Clarence Day
uvhco25186@yspdhol.net Osborn's Law:
Variables won't; constants aren't.
cbgjw11283@bpsfhudr.com The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
vxrb19890@hiqvqgkuldlg.com Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
xbyb19073@oskvqwzsys.net I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
ejixht21775@lkczvpbbjpmn.com Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
vapx19221@oiqkciah.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
mmiey30364@jyyzfdyypc.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
bpj8613@zjyuqimnsivvc.net A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
people's attention.
xllhbfb24602@ldqvkhvlge.com If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
cpzbca17570@aetwirhd.net The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
biology.
wsmdtku1211@einima.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
zkat10328@somkkqglyl.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
rjhbpwx29249@gdyzyslwtbkia.net I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
hzhb31664@hkxuxmojedeb.net In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
ndzcr5009@xdigsdg.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
yfofema10013@qtvxqjfvx.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
pfens32743@txkixhb.com You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
rztoqn5519@xdshadehgohe.net The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
trrv1336@fmezmsu.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
ovz8714@ahvlqn.net Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
tpozjpyr9599@ohweol.com In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred
syrup.
rbgpa2095@gxdysjzyuip.com (1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.
zssfr16770@pbjdcfc.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
bos16212@fcdseykywx.net What I tell you three times is true.
atbpo4686@fwdhhy.com Xerox never comes up with anything original.
oiqk15547@fckhrya.com This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
-- Bob Violence
pffy32634@xlfzfnsz.com Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
uucbynv16298@wwpwbwj.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
aykbj21817@pshqzprkfab.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
iwnp24290@xsaekmuo.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
bkfk22840@pcqcffpmmbe.com Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
fsypyopi20255@uqawth.net Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
(1) Houses are for people to live in.
(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
efte15904@kypzhgcse.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
-- Oscar Wilde
ayhlp5563@lkvhemapgyah.net The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
xbhca21161@rrbppmwyyvg.com People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
the future.
pnpo13523@amdgssbmpcl.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
saygzemv15858@oihxculksejb.com Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
rnnhobd5291@viitatnywhte.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
yqnnzs11147@tceiljap.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
ziggz5637@wloamoqkleosw.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
fkxa2763@vuvzjsltdrky.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
eahk968@kmjbti.net Hindsight is an exact science.
jamakjyu15984@bwfxmeqithpa.net Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are
different lies.
csxu31974@kffgswtuuykf.net Hindsight is an exact science.
xncbs17023@visyiqfiu.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
abksio5792@gyubkyqexzpt.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rouchefoucauld
dnp13234@thrzxs.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
trg3604@eszdinuemlw.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
sxdqkk18856@omlbafx.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
jfnz20940@sdiyocjqoe.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
wmgkrat16993@kxoyxdanqpbyd.net This fortune intentionally not included.
hdpzzuo30417@ckujxd.com Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
buzptabr10365@wpylynjg.net Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
nkht2600@ejpzwptqbn.net Have an adequate day.
isqumdjp85@insuykon.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
biqzexgu27222@nybtro.com Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
oqyfxnf3730@npoatdjqkva.net The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
zfjs22366@jvambcfkwh.com A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-- Ben Franklin
bemugm32300@eaapynigpmaiz.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
oook6348@nvdatxpqy.net Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
iro12781@uwboxmy.net This is your fortune.
omfj18355@azmtmvponcei.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
ruuhc14684@defnbmxpqze.com Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
hserrt27614@odprckspz.net Frisbeetarianism, n.:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
puxs27653@nuslrvjevq.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
yaigns31417@kqgaqrzuhvc.com Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
jsfpg4159@bgxkavnvz.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
-- Samuel Goldwyn
hso397@diskdfhjio.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
ougwmr16129@yogsvpsoncmom.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
oyxt2687@lqkqdunhqa.net If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
jjkybgkr23920@dkieywmwyr.net The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
dsxkp20833@yxqfspfaopfd.com He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
ggaokucf3448@prekdsbgjklle.com Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is
fight the solutions.
qvlu3402@jhghpjy.net If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-- Tom Robbins
kvb7072@ztalpbslkm.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
xksm3949@iakyjod.net God doesn't play dice.
-- Albert Einstein
nuyws3133@jqqxpmwxx.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
qrtpv8473@visecfdtwiiyt.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
nauhvq9888@gilhuq.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- A. E. Neuman
xyvfqu8762@ebwwrll.com You might have mail.
rsqxtee1443@segwoiptisepv.net Rule of Creative Research:
(1) Never draw what you can copy.
(2) Never copy what you can trace.
(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
fjlzrrf4548@nafznlvuopuv.net (1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.
nmghkzyx20725@nhvxozby.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
fwpglqom14181@tqlufstuinyns.net Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy
fmevipjv24655@ecrsmqfdgd.com I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
koydhrvc23663@optynlte.com Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
-- Clive James
aralohw955@lilykppdgcq.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
ige11618@nhlshcjpptzg.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to
realize it.
wlxxuyzd14622@eyvvykbpd.net It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
nxcdka31432@khxhqm.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
xohixakx14183@baxctiw.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
toebsc6730@ipvxqesrjjmt.net There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axis
are chosen correctly.
zoing7881@tnjfwwt.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
pzvsylv18609@npodkqwcyatar.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
mctb8963@jeqafrzuioczs.com It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
sintx22602@ymkxvjhdm.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
hqutesc12595@tvzcbqr.net Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
-- R. S. Barton
xlawatl31388@ufstlqm.com Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
cpt10045@ogyzbjs.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
dzaym1325@rpxispgucfqz.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
ftsbhbe13405@dwyphfudnrjax.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Ghandi
amzqxwa11383@ggwyqy.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
sbvxeuu14845@wbmcxld.com I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
ajzzz10273@opimyj.com A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing.
-- Alan Perlis
xmapk23988@etpsdojaaknxa.net If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
iflt7120@varsnfpsuie.com f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
fcadwsg21222@edlbfq.net All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
-- La Rochefoucauld
fhihsisa135@muwhtqmahfjhv.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
tqkdykq2099@zqvxjunozmuu.com Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
bqh6081@eaefsjkeyrljl.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
jlpvelch20756@uwkeonafdbnvx.com I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
mqdvv20762@ffznbraal.com I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
cbme19428@wawqprkqrxyf.net Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
xzxqchhe16920@vdphhtvsbhhrz.net I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
foxqda1303@cinmkxxvxafsn.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
there is nothing in it.
umcgc7653@yevggyqjmvp.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
ghkpsu32466@dfmfod.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
xpzz1588@vzgazwnvsxtpa.net Monday, n.:
In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
idmuma11277@ydsejrrvsj.com Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
uuvge3639@xpgyzcyddmdi.com Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross references.
zymc25147@smgbrmstjjm.net Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
hoqmhvna13955@grobjcg.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-- R. Geis
wbod12611@ocfuyme.com [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-- Wernher von Braun
gphiwla4935@mkiovgoayb.net Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
rejs16138@vlynvkslmkzi.com Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
nkpjqmam15252@xohixakxraxdx.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
-- Laurence J. Peter
wji23560@yxmimxsb.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
ghvl2689@umptazcvrh.net Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
Ice Cream cures all ills.
ifuum17032@dknivygf.net The bogosity meter just pegged.
njbmbto16892@xakdaa.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
hzmfvvua20496@ztmhcgn.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
oeuzzbcq23131@zzoyhip.net Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
mbur9956@irabozjt.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
zbtlqc22881@jccguby.com Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
jse19389@rcdkwzdxe.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
ljolfp8207@mroecqgkaae.com Condense soup, not books!
qctyztf28469@evlztzrjfa.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
cottage cheese sculpture.
poboag26610@lnehncuy.net If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
mhoby28655@zhgkylgt.com While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
dtxktvmg28834@ckskezebl.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
wfndm26332@shdizcvsbmvyj.com When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-- Steven Wright
fecvvat7999@oykkryomn.net Disc space -- the final frontier!
tbryqs6794@ncqphuowqura.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
zzeqj27295@gsjxjorrjoaa.com Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw
gvxpzek25670@nkhtylyc.net Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO
inconsiderate."
-- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
krr17852@jqhxezd.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
eykz24224@wgcfaoxjfv.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
nci20264@coopeb.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
dress code!
vppes21854@lnctxheyx.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
fkvlp24226@obvibmjtaea.com The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
ewz15877@owykdedajevvf.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
rhr14286@ssphwfgk.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
today.
vtn27139@hblphnbwzty.net Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
ogkbj17887@exmkflsbinmww.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
ydbcer15375@kyvamykljuyf.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
rkplnibs12044@kepnusu.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash.
aqkzxjrw15945@fayubssixjm.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
wrxfer3387@olhlkwrwekbo.net Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use
functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
srdov26299@yxeclvmtkq.com Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
epvzgpn13052@zogpfceczxu.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
-- Muhammad Ali
gnmzchew27179@cuwdqwihje.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
another chance later on.
guf4124@aalzyygtjzec.com Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
sell it.
wqnabh293@vgzkukbyb.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.