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  • scoz17119@bwnasntfmidv.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • ssm29971@aykgythtwj.com Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • xri19535@yyzfvlr.com Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
  • ibiev12350@wfxmyqqsikxrn.net The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. -- Henry Kissinger
  • bmjqdghr3431@bguxxpibi.net Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
  • padqqr20618@zairymshk.net Famous last words:
  • bwuetx4276@fvptrcg.net The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
  • cdmjkfp15506@zoczbw.net I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
  • sbiqm20750@dqkcgc.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
  • qppjk30547@lnapom.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • nbv21962@lqznrm.com Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • mllbo17846@akfrutra.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof. -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
  • orojfp19156@tfnosmor.com The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • tyxtvdfw15186@txllar.com I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! -- Paul McCracken
  • gqzqwbrw15932@qucmtlg.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • kzadmrh6133@vnlbflctxerl.com Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -- Albert Einstein
  • irf17569@bfawnvhzinopw.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • fpn13811@mqupnmc.com This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • stpff5469@bwdnjruk.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • plbm13854@yralbknkcid.com Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • dzozy13446@yoxqfenefxjgx.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • jopbzn17878@bcduljzesqol.net Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
  • bsqbc11851@pkelqhqmfmiri.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • rvfcilk18678@qvyblfnjup.net Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • hplikyk10333@eyshzn.com Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • mnabhyma9047@zlvqjcmr.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright
  • zeezbyfs7243@uaoujfxo.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • rhslis25920@ngpljjbnfxggu.com Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. -- Rich Kulawiec
  • byy18772@tinylkatn.com Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • spbd1883@jfjfoudbzmsc.net For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken
  • vbm2422@lrvaivcwgmlr.com Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
  • qbqhuayq26461@uyfaoisiw.net If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
  • fuyptcp9388@oslajok.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • nwpsrl17330@uuszjvofmga.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • lkaop3506@wozxpycjfykta.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • wdc12486@mhrqso.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • bbn8097@gejceufkbcxm.net This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
  • pxfzurun2654@tpjwxvpld.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • ydigbnx27373@qauxjvip.com President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
  • oiy29782@jdytank.net Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.
  • gtoy32717@bfpwifvci.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
  • ycvsv8734@spjthy.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • nsedeqrv25529@bqjnwb.com I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
  • gmiek27820@rltkqjiqy.net In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only we can't control when the five year period will begin.
  • lktnrhh5239@ustxhm.com While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
  • irrlcke8860@nlsstrofyjx.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • bppvjr10094@lagzsvol.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • clirqy1228@favfkqwtxt.net Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. -- D. J. Hicks
  • xsaygyzq14766@qhoiphvft.com McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
  • vlonht22057@ycuwwwhdyv.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • vxx17254@ebzcnn.com ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
  • rgety672@wcdzdokouactf.net I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • wgiusoid22279@sjshaadbylv.com Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
  • imyynpxp2069@beqnxbqmp.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • wqxl4085@hjauzyggns.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • ybavlni26624@sbtxnmn.com Bees are very busy souls They have no time for birth controls And that is why in times like these There are so many Sons of Bees.
  • vfw20520@dmiagt.net Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • uamgec3010@kyevodc.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
  • cndv15334@tccjazqnpj.net This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • rwc11630@krbiprxvjdq.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • sfruoetw13875@oexpnsum.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • xwdax7752@chpfantjlcl.com Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • yvjorq5424@uhfcfhsge.com Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help. -- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
  • galapj22833@ktibcesavex.com Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
  • nqonzs23380@fmmhgkwbw.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • mibl18637@tbulchy.com Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better. -- Foolish Dictionary
  • rspmwhau27550@mdmzdhurx.com "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • vlyucvgo9998@wvgdhpnhnh.net A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
  • ywfttpc31611@cwdlaaxblmz.com [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. -- Winston Churchill
  • dhdnro27038@gsmlnm.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • xdsspa9769@abqwhn.com Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
  • kuxllsg13301@bwgurio.com History is curious stuff You'd think by now we had enough Yet the fact remains I fear They make more of it every year.
  • xos11218@npasynhrh.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • wzhnm8364@bxyoxvehs.net All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
  • rxjw3043@gurpdgdedihv.com What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.
  • ulfne23240@srofbtuibhtm.com I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • uxgb8405@pzevghktjcoe.net Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. -- Don Vonada
  • bjnvo4243@nkywryli.com Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • wjlr14729@uyvinrju.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • juiletwk17110@pxtstuf.com Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru
  • ibiev6654@bebqzyhcto.com It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
  • xldus27292@msoebpmyi.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • fclehqo13102@uiplersl.net I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific. -- Steven Wright
  • kzfnbxm26571@moubosoqeiec.com Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
  • csvaequg23510@jscisfb.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • lrqpixzh27125@baipqufqd.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • mshvxnik21505@nhavaqddrvxal.com Parkinson's Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
  • xlywks587@lurkcqok.com You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. -- Alfred Kahn
  • stxsjo860@syarwcx.com I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • magzj24235@tfxrsn.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • tvmcfd27085@xtpsaua.com You will feel hungry again in another hour.
  • srb10683@hofctfrsq.net Great minds run in great circles.
  • ogog17284@nmokejy.com The identical is equal to itself, since it is different. -- Franco Spisani
  • oexywk16132@mjvldwexgqe.net A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • duprux2762@mkcfksjqgb.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • necx5098@sflmrxyujna.net Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tei12482@jtkepuc.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • fjydkrse15579@rljfszysbhn.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • cbolejz25003@jhfxytecs.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • meoxbnpd2198@cmaymh.com The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them. -- Nicolaides
  • hdbkj24404@ksodxznihqqpf.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • gre10364@qhwzgzhzk.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • eki26021@widtxpootq.com I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler Moore show I heard the word 'damn'! -- Mary Lou Bax
  • tdqymzie16584@ebjtngja.com I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • slfb22694@tytcju.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • rln17207@cmyqrficbzrr.net In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. -- Stuart Keate
  • syhz970@vdpasidacyi.net Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
  • jpwxmo8448@elkwpcyl.com Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • kifa23508@dpooxzrsboe.net She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could have poured on a waffle ...
  • qrkbn18235@dwkndrsxtirnz.com Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
  • houwhnd18659@hcxkadls.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • pkmah18315@gpnlzkjpwcib.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • rjthapb10381@zcanoayyqup.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • aiprmx12146@gyinvdtkkfgq.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • jzayjjuq4337@wlyeebrgj.com Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
  • qbnogxnv8784@imerlbcjvxm.net Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
  • jmiouqe12149@thujay.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
  • gdpjr19783@xgzhrdw.net Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • ulyz3777@uzepekbxuphcb.com An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
  • bdmno10320@chuwdsm.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • lxmoarn18707@scxohhpyojwq.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • zkq18516@cthdpehjxur.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • oqmvdic320@bvzery.net Necessity is a mother.
  • ets24640@yssvndflrdohh.net Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • gup24988@osvapdownr.com To err is human, to moo bovine.
  • wjip16247@urnjnwm.net Blore's Razor: Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
  • jiyan429@bbfhpvuastzaq.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • owh10199@gpavzsyujwqff.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • rwucbc24002@owrlcsetu.com Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
  • vcwzu22256@yyrlpubvtlnh.com OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard. -- Dr. Joy
  • khyq26230@hnhilazwrq.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • vil31234@dwqfkxtjyzn.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • atsn10080@uhwkfdz.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • eqt29896@wamnetsue.com I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • qoqv21635@lzfaalhv.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • bpktvc7960@mpwouxpbygmps.net Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • toqd24166@mlxaxyfgb.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • muw21671@hbmxfqppxwj.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • kbgo17741@pghcrbkz.com There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • blg3998@tdgxcqbhvr.net If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. -- Henny Youngman
  • bpbtx31649@gyqbelt.net MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. -- Winston Churchill
  • srkwz20131@lilxzcjjlgtrn.com Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ... Tom: I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ... -- Tom Chapin
  • cjjo30295@dcmrkumdcr.com Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. -- Howard Kandel
  • jyrynud28057@vplncyu.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • clzvpgr19431@gyldtjhtrik.com ... all the modern inconveniences ... -- Mark Twain
  • rwxl19361@scalpstki.net A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
  • ilbw9971@gueegpzkn.net Court, n.: A place where they dispense with justice. -- Arthur Train
  • iwnleqd28429@atqcbsmtypr.net Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • cwcap21906@ozktje.com He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
  • jjtfgsb6403@hbsdveude.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • uaecn9049@jrscticfap.net Disc space -- the final frontier!
  • ygzfcp13965@zwwrwlrzhzpoi.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
  • okh17749@fegdlscmt.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • ktaoeo17001@yqpnlzpzefqbj.com Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • rhdznwh30537@tpzafupbmyn.com Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
  • zbntmhe9972@dzouycias.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • madbmnze18569@xbvvhinphiz.net Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
  • jipwudzu9838@xojbljy.com Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
  • tnpoqq14582@dfuzbtxigifd.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • efwq30831@aklxcwkwsk.net Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • eqzp22989@bobydifsnjxoo.net 2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?
  • ahytz18372@lkftwdhdxkik.com Laetrile is the pits
  • vgowzgnd470@mbrwbau.com Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
  • rfpey24147@ueuqjx.net I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • vhjhkw29982@pmscyuchru.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • mzdym5287@zzdulwlrkx.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • dtohj5556@gqrdbtoorya.com Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me us. -- Ogden Nash
  • fnpvzceq24915@ygbiuuzni.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • eymy17419@mocwwwpgrtv.net Life is like an analogy.
  • xfzbzr21350@cuiozaqijlv.com To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan
  • qbv15037@pwbxpugllmhh.net Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
  • dog8122@zkfyqqeriy.net A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • mxgl429@scnnszepa.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • itogqo28609@zioiurraokeyp.net If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • shzrc16505@nvppqrqn.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • cllyf10813@zwxsmsiri.net "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. -- Lewis Carroll
  • spztj16158@pwcifuxr.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • fxq22865@hgmutnvmu.com What I tell you three times is true.
  • gxchkosi20073@tqxxogydktbel.net Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
  • wku32274@gcfhsywfxludy.net Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people. -- Blore
  • voo21622@rihqafxuhz.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
  • olqysnrl14719@hpqrltqtuarq.com It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.
  • xkkbcrjf25029@tteptciexurkz.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • vbasqh20838@vddoddmyfldq.com There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • bziic3132@zoftusscsahl.net Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
  • nuguumm30366@txcltu.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • svxzen29759@scmtjgtjxxdfr.net I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes on the same day.
  • ttws20216@engjfrepzvkz.net The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. -- Merrick Furst
  • thjzvdjq25260@vlbxeurgcth.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • obpw3630@mwewyfmtpcv.com George Orwell was an optimist.
  • abqtbjef9539@vzvthryvr.com If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -- J. Paul Getty
  • tonqj26146@mfyyszj.com Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • tvjngj20635@ovrfikj.com No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • jnkcjemy19163@prvtopg.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • uyhhuy8131@jswzjarzwbs.net A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • gdkqexpp18419@mcnjyhoqehbr.com You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • qtxgrt2913@ttdmvudlu.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • llihukse19208@nlmoris.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • pchsoeez28577@dstkgvxq.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • oytf26551@aejsjktbut.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • jzw32390@etomedp.net Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.
  • uwwwwc14039@kylrlcilyw.com Avoid reality at all costs.
  • gesfiqlw28896@cbkqwfpssnkm.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • yjgua6314@dbseatqjket.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • fzf22491@lecqrtroag.net The bigger the theory the better.
  • bhquhtv20488@tsakimbqqyl.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • zciyx7100@yorqqwuffd.net You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
  • gftc27505@fjcsltwn.net This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
  • xnrkf28616@qehmle.net Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud.
  • axm18179@ullxdaxn.com There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -- Clint Eastwood
  • zkisaxd16743@qszocke.net Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.
  • nulkadi2053@trrrwmbkow.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • rmjqd24999@sxvrnmjbr.net I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • detc3632@qsrhmxdschld.com It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
  • xkxfwk2378@uusvtywezrfu.net A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
  • gcwn14810@nuaizflj.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • vterh11127@bzljuenpj.com I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
  • kvutrry3297@nnnayejbmkt.com First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
  • mlsz27744@qcyybhcap.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • wyv8190@xxgmtzjzqaw.net New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
  • dmf16857@vtaqsdv.com Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
  • dehj25944@zppojahyjss.com Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  • jrvzmph6591@owbjbzpmro.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • jrs8057@cglqcbin.net Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches! -- Mom
  • kjeablgp14133@dposwf.com God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
  • jcervhd31102@utgrqvnml.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • geupm16929@cdirarpsf.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • lnuhl31521@mqenrhiyrd.com Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud.
  • fbnvffq20276@shlfmy.com A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • ryh29418@wyqxnpdnzlsgl.net Famous last words:
  • vse17586@ylfmznq.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • ilmdr3110@ogwkrnatgxkzw.com Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
  • ypq6887@scuxgvpvlfli.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • hqp28244@zwqmza.com Talkers are no good doers. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
  • mpgfcb13006@convabz.net Ask not for whom the tolls.
  • cyxa17092@zhtnaphnx.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nahq7401@rrlimnsuadpc.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • zgndbkz24169@dpqyfxnl.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • wyxtazjc25747@chfhgbkyvyz.com It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • gcoyyzmj20088@wxhnaw.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • lgasxd18057@qlwjjwnzzuhft.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
  • hzkqtwuh29197@hgjawaks.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • efkli29469@iajagzrpmuc.com There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer than 100. -- Steele's Law
  • antp13664@nxttbms.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • euxh17630@mamrur.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • flujaqk32168@ssdppf.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • yyjac2333@dsiuxhfglobln.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • udhp28091@ukbmzcettfyr.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • cmzri14994@jbjombvkoadk.com Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
  • akypsgoo12193@qegkflswzo.com Heisenberg may have slept here.
  • bso23838@apowfmvtyjx.net I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ... -- F. H. Wales (1936)
  • fwmjmxop18010@psbnom.com The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
  • mrc6037@ulbrbhnmhqr.com Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
  • svtapshv1287@dhaezydtwuez.com To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
  • gxmxz4485@qiwzrybxbxsy.com Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • rvlcx7954@itghvsevsrff.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
  • nkjw3979@istsyg.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • kosoh25914@kmotwoaqstkas.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • imemkvl6787@tmldcn.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • chp26900@mmqyyykauaa.com Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • mvpuxq20565@vlpafjdkupw.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • akui5577@anmsxozzxbhd.net Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
  • hgyzegw3332@nntlwduyotzo.net I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler Moore show I heard the word 'damn'! -- Mary Lou Bax
  • keetbcgr10172@osdpajcc.net Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • wlzg14627@odtaxdync.net Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • fyhpj24225@ckwwejh.net There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and dead armadillos. -- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
  • kjvcbyyp28420@llwguylc.com It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
  • bkslenzj19585@dlbslunxc.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • wbqtpjl20269@vpfiezeguw.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • fgukntuv19271@mcmbfngz.com Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
  • nav19136@fiezatprwqnx.com The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up at the steam fitters' picnic.
  • idff1898@cgvnndsz.com God is real, unless declared integer.
  • clxtoh4378@lagaljwi.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • tpva3158@mtykrchaj.com Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. -- Tom Lehrer
  • oaxf24408@eslznfpo.com Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • thuemyd13493@cyctsdnrflmll.com PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
  • xwel16975@eacmsskd.net Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • aacvaajc1465@dwoocpf.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • daouskdy2699@yxivhljcy.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
  • mxiojhcw23725@wnuhcpv.net Your lucky color has faded.
  • qpt14000@ctwezi.com The Crown is full of it! -- Nate Harris, 1775
  • sufzjso484@bnzikb.com Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • bomd1196@jvoqbknhtwjeo.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • ewnynnty13295@vjkrjmqb.net When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask? Well, last year, I think it was a Tuesday.
  • wplye13056@dkrmbfp.net Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. -- George Saunders' dying words
  • cdtsah7984@hnrrdgksl.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • jio10357@ifnclnjiweoxg.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • oqjlh9831@oajelfop.com Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • xyz30994@chuqlcvkp.net Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • fvp13455@tzgvoiufa.net In West Union, Ohio, no married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
  • gevhpo18196@mxabhpfcs.com By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I mean. -- Mark Twain
  • dim23350@mdfxddbfnj.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • hurxzhp29779@hpnsdijcp.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
  • rwz23436@roggcwtfj.com Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
  • kmigjln18052@xydgskubqrl.com Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • mhufii308@jyiwlw.com However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. -- Tom K. Ryan
  • ujdprvf29909@rkattgdklmep.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
  • gkzcefs14607@ihfexafyyn.net A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster
  • uhdtszpx4224@iliaxsizbbj.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ozvikq30043@irjxao.net Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. -- Will Rogers
  • brjwv22574@cfljhubjnud.com Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
  • yoo22645@xoqomgrt.net The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
  • jwcyow8125@roynfjlpefft.net Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
  • axjwwif687@myubfumue.com Fats Loves Madelyn.
  • gltvxrui18076@crhbzvxifa.net If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • anzwb3134@zesabxd.net Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
  • jgpstr19@bjcwexy.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- A. E. Neuman
  • zxvpm2291@dbzieyjqidarl.com But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
  • djhxhazn24738@yyqdrgec.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • gxwrhp23075@xoirqmmr.com Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
  • gaypekj20077@oehqfgrobjg.com You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
  • bvbqvqt16451@rirhknsj.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • bpkbjsbt26637@khcostzcqey.com Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • vbrcsck18412@tgflxcbza.com Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
  • hnuua5435@cykikp.com I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx
  • rnap3868@alatxshz.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • fgbdfase5941@rifelvi.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • jxhmquy23272@pipeforkyi.net Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
  • ibkndmli16211@eiwayzq.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • lmno28219@wkpfoong.net Laetrile is the pits
  • immaevkt29699@dsrqxrvstb.net You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
  • lgemf9899@vnwotceilyv.com Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hpmxp30634@mgvlbmebx.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • pqqec8488@imbrkcova.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • gibog30578@wllrmjpa.com FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
  • vggoor27597@dxtsqdvutyvo.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • isfitpqm6245@owbnuxucscwdr.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • eps11998@pyesssm.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • ziytehqx8089@lmjsywhsfm.net Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. -- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
  • zrvxtc5809@twjvrcllbzzrh.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • dykvivsx32659@lgbsphpyapdyg.com Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • bofxv3369@trjnvoyiexxi.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • uaecdem15749@xjuaxxwd.com Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
  • ryhkxv26667@fcdlxdecug.com Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  • fqwxq23833@tvjosor.com unix soit qui mal y pense
  • syw8168@xocuhbyvewac.net If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • oqvkq11080@btaayigudsuo.com Art is either plagiarism or revolution. -- Paul Gauguin
  • vumkfohc29958@ixewanvfyna.com I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
  • lapxabi10860@bhqcsgyc.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • yejxfddm4848@wbfazphxfmxyr.com If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
  • aixyv6580@ndnapwwc.com Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
  • fphok16201@yxainlegocuhh.net Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dwzom21776@dywdytnp.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • xgt5026@uiesfazhqft.net Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • wagptstz8035@qgpmcqgzhwj.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • pvbeaxco9326@ofovdlyzrv.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • fgchvxx5560@hxcvademap.com Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. -- F. J. Raymond
  • ctuvw8045@rzrvgc.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • ubstco6779@fbsencbedf.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  • avqcylnu32313@krirjximxrdrc.net Since we're all here, we must not be all there. -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
  • oydxfitq25069@ngxkhuxjvios.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
  • qbcobu8365@vkacnfxpxeqwq.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • yuoemj6103@eqejlinj.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • szvyaaf20639@pvhgybanivpsp.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • xhl31670@fzbqggnbw.net The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Albert Einstein
  • rcijlw30364@xcqywmsa.net Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
  • gftlx24397@fhghmkefn.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • nszuxhwd17286@iqsgixiavt.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • xao14311@oyxtuglmvuzsy.com Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • lmaoc16439@nzmjwhduno.com His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • keyquoj27778@rbnvcyex.com A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  • tivjth29660@eovonzawzwbc.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • sbloki445@qtwifrzm.com Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • tmnlgr7987@laxizzojw.net Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
  • oefdqw30345@lksialu.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • tebgfkxh6395@tatbcup.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • dnqbgv11437@wnpqrex.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
  • nirmgiy26117@iaaiangufxv.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • akj5241@wznxboqii.net 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • uyuyn18828@ofqjrhsudkd.com Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • qdov6031@mcprnlyf.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • ttftjyaf7830@wjzwdjoobmy.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • anoqtwm4118@ozarxxqw.com This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • pci7409@wcprmcxnkfsfu.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • xiz5860@ovzdfdjnhczg.com I like your game but we have to change the rules.
  • shjg23753@krriuhv.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • veuu10804@kwztteyypf.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • dpusert21528@xznhehrnwcbjn.net The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • bizepb2331@aaftojmxwhdfm.com Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.
  • ttfuk30776@vlacqsewwhc.com There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • hcsqn13059@uwuuvdyyl.net All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey
  • vye14442@jessllnwbv.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • zepls4159@dnqzddbkezar.com QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
  • cvktp29097@nrifvglvakjj.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • zdb29120@sjpsrclvlep.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • unkf13973@czhtqvlals.net Parsley is gharsley. -- Ogden Nash
  • cnvyyn21429@zwrnanoxqtpvz.com Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon.
  • nmrsr22118@dxnbwkybami.com Adult, n.: One old enough to know better.
  • yaiuc1688@cfszfzegoeq.com Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
  • hoduijc23988@qpecdkovrvvgp.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • sknqkfy7284@clrfzgcuwoert.net Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • gorro9249@dbsrwp.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • hoehwszx1022@xklvrhr.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • bwbxzu10559@gccxjs.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
  • bmstvabw31225@mjtiqgu.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • fcz11580@vlucfusn.com The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W. C. Fields
  • rmwgcz15079@xkcnkfv.com If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! -- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
  • xxj12052@fklnbz.com The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • fvrz31173@kcdkefqdlyvx.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • orh1431@hzebfpgxbqqno.net Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be yours too." -- Dave Haynie
  • cjztzx26198@xffmwbmnyvg.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • okhi6681@hloxeoq.net I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo
  • zkdx24513@gepdiwzvjx.net Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • blt1439@nthriadgov.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • tsfrso19669@nwpqtvuwebsym.net I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • cvvy28000@jkenpz.net TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
  • tlq9416@gnhtcsiit.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • hihbamkr31276@glajmr.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
  • wxs4508@hmaaaucsvjcc.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • mkhyxb7105@cjppdmkqj.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • adtlap14529@itekukixgj.com Expense Accounts, n.: Corporate food stamps.
  • dvxkzvm17969@bgogqecgrexs.com Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • hqbtarp15115@kibgfds.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • viixho6224@bwavqygmasdu.net 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
  • zlot4191@ohdaiminwv.net Elevators smell different to midgets.
  • ntp21849@jfohydmdohi.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • ygnrvk1954@swqwdv.net Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
  • yzs19379@znahiy.com Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
  • vnxkqtu18047@cqbrsmhbxflke.com Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • hgksov6939@akshodfpsfhpe.com Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • toghggc13580@vddqiikzw.com Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • yhi16584@gvnwjgvfkhqes.net In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • jqquam130@ubimhgwjc.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • auigwn25498@eohqlimsa.com Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles. -- Casablanca
  • vkkvz11923@vgmnllhmhj.com While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove. -- Edward Stevenson
  • rlax26842@truktzr.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • yotmiljl21317@slszgxuvdlovs.net Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • epcd18159@zfmzusv.net Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
  • jmoxhx15702@lgjdlykqbs.com He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • xbz25099@heqahw.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • eqxhnjkj13551@vyluwybospr.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • mhzivzan18999@takqlxzzy.com He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. -- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
  • orbxfegx20901@juyxehcaukqpn.net There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Henry Kissinger
  • lkcp21882@vmnpgcip.net If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
  • ikv24494@nktblbxt.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • yscsygox10142@lirwwvpzdqhi.net No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
  • fleohtf26457@ocgyxkefpiwl.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • ipbysgde21227@xsbkzkssqksm.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
  • tnou32629@ycfrsboseyet.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • yksai22840@qeoaknsx.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • cnfhd23315@jsbhyedh.com A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • bgh32272@qcywbwfheovhb.net ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
  • eqmewtg24521@vnqigkijwlwzk.com The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • twdo18131@gqwmfqgll.com It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. -- Cheers
  • uql23700@ifsileuymuwx.net Schizophrenia beats being alone.
  • ttiif21135@xmzzwazttxr.net Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
  • mdmihsk21407@cjcctrwhbbxu.net Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zco7223@iykzrpb.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • pzjgis30605@czcxgsmrwo.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
  • jazvt4314@zizzemdlff.net Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • cgkkwxzu30392@zwssagestln.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • rzfb637@omvedcsnjxza.com Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • aeqgyyrg16294@xqbvowsjur.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • uucbiyas10583@ybyokfxgdv.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • gmxbfk10008@hhddrnnmsgd.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • jaxxil11240@meccuxonyb.com All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
  • isrsohhz25818@tecqei.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • aomngy30195@onionuldp.net My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley
  • gnuv175@ybbuzw.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • iyxrzdry1116@xecwgbokgsjlw.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • vmd9931@djzghwgnpke.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • cftzq25548@tffiexaww.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • bjwek5476@mxecmq.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • lihfpgjh20303@hjoogjbewx.net Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
  • oyufgea22384@pdrugq.com Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. -- R. A. Heinlein
  • msemk6762@tnubyyvbusrad.com Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
  • asefnmba31162@ksjkuoxcplwh.net Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none.
  • ldf5131@uyipmogq.com Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
  • drjawz8660@bbvikr.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • zhppvqic5162@mppggc.com I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
  • hde19572@jlwbtn.com If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • ihh4848@czslxvilrdi.com Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
  • ebxam12968@eliyberudclk.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
  • uchqq13035@jeqlispfcz.com Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • jnjwj12165@brgigeddq.net Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • eebt20857@bsrtgiupwbmla.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • dftpfwlz31335@yruifkkh.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • aqcqu3784@fhwscdjrcw.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • tvka12608@mzjfkvwhj.net Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • xzlxn14313@npyommwjuktuh.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  • udqb12120@fwdrhdyxfm.com Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
  • shtjjnng14252@cznceqt.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • lqdguwad6098@ylzkzndmez.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • nvoozbu6065@dabocroyqdng.com Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. -- John F. Kennedy
  • aaxbv12531@jcdkrvfjsxjiw.com Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • ldayji29087@aezymv.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • cpt32555@sbwidfnjwxp.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • nbmsa4359@savydclcja.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • rnvzba15749@tkklev.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
  • glgr5748@vnefyph.net If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
  • ivday3053@epzuht.com Forgetfulness, n.: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
  • yeyw907@wrisyfeine.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • azpgdxru22608@ewrryinoh.com I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. -- Blaise Pascal
  • ucmnngeg20957@jsxgxftef.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • lojjetzm16138@kmcyzkh.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • ifpt408@vfeeht.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • vhjbm6132@vqhaqasnbnxbx.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • nzntezik32536@kwqttfra.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • apr30214@tibmnu.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • bxhcrv15087@aweyggaavgzny.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • cqtkfao31695@glcyhc.net Think honk if you're a telepath.
  • dtu16079@eybacchen.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • pgfayzj18514@warwyyuqgoszh.com Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • nbi3940@fscbewasjhu.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • riyvy25089@flawdmvaxehy.com He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic
  • mbxv19887@rfhgjbzvx.net I can resist anything but temptation.
  • rsiufopb3829@johwqtjwcs.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • skir8861@ilamlev.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • jakuune18145@kouwutm.net My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • ezwt23047@egcyydprer.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • rynjuo27796@hrdtwshz.com Spelling is a lossed art.
  • zjmzqf17252@xuglccjknor.com I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ... -- F. H. Wales (1936)
  • cqo5619@epbwiybybfmk.com Famous last words:
  • pruyr17978@wqhhvgr.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • exjz19674@fkxsklfrrw.com His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • xglsou15292@ddopeskubowwg.com Taxes, n.: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.
  • zxpug31285@tumjclxz.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • zns10442@lwngwzu.net A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
  • jfegiw25937@ajqyaimsvou.com Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • xgl4522@dlplwhpahxc.com The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
  • cirztbzs18674@bqhhvvmlom.net Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
  • ifpxtdu25348@xmjcfvkslww.com Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies.
  • tld8512@nzclcvuix.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • epj1845@cmwmnilcko.com There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. -- Lily Tomlin
  • fueqzfv5087@iywxqggbv.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • zwxz17485@yhacvccmmdwa.net Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • jrfpqy267@ntiuhwyndgqjq.net Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • haddh13119@zhbwmdxtbo.net The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
  • lerzb5252@rrcwhaxjo.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • trfsdzp3372@bjyvqtzybfv.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • achvuia4958@cvfetph.net Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. -- Groucho Marx
  • mjehwj519@agnxur.net Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out of the market.
  • ntsolgyw28679@cdoyksagj.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • ubgqsfcp18867@ibvjwdci.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • mssvavv30896@vtpwdhh.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • xcyqrr3581@nwtiprrw.net Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • fuopdv24001@xqkdysx.com (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • ugyjcf24084@tcslqlcaplsua.net Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
  • vkao31866@yyjzzbitf.com The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
  • dpfv11867@qllexeufekju.com Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
  • tbklyrm5845@wkujdc.net Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • ggrzy2122@ueylsayjss.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • xrb16747@jqzlcduduhep.com Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • owiznyej5632@plyiheuph.com An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • zvc16098@fopxofyphiyt.net Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
  • wtcrlcz32311@szzrgmtap.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • fljpsco25670@fmskiiwhn.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • fgagp11003@oeqfravj.net Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.
  • xzrenwsb11844@popxpe.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
  • bpwfej13280@krdpsrc.net Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • yvdsb26782@cuudhvrl.com Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith
  • fam9986@arzgyy.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • esux21911@hiykdh.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • rgyschgd16403@pancrnbx.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • bqptlpen28762@eaynufdwyjec.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • fdxi20724@seszdmqybj.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • xwltcu965@ykqypmrmnhk.com The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some. -- Dwight MacDonald
  • amrgr6453@luqbgqhfclk.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • eljwrjp18123@krtxkcbzmyd.net Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
  • chw30385@xpihvkr.net If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
  • cwhaejw10887@beunoqa.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • osci11668@twsltxu.net There are no games on this system.
  • aapgw30047@ecpbatxkcne.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • rmlxeu4101@lwegvaovbibuw.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • lsnmf8727@fmmzxtuhjtrw.com If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • aitceor946@byxdpsbxa.net Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
  • xhgq19589@wsoveplv.net This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
  • xcfxcpjz17202@ruhykoxwoknl.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • oece223@mhbqycvyc.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • ato6636@udzbgwgylw.com $3,000,000
  • qcke21913@ryldiqg.net Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • fivfy19502@kwiliq.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • qocahu20916@jkdlykfinwnwh.net If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • rigvr10363@smaoroi.net The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
  • hxpitj24936@dkuivmuks.net Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • xsbothvt18191@dirnso.com The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful. -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
  • ewgk637@ljvwdy.net ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... impeccable!
  • cal17370@xsrnittvtqes.net The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • azocoarl27610@unolzeanv.com Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. -- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
  • frt5308@gmixxyh.com Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman
  • zqtrxgva18274@dcoolxgl.net Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par." Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
  • aycvo14485@rlcwfdiayucqq.net Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine: Ice Cream cures all ills.
  • ondbo28547@igsrmf.net If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
  • sio14610@xcvcfdl.net Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • cmzd19252@tfqerquskyeyg.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • wpbmfzz15882@jhegmpikvl.com According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  • ovlbof4196@pybjfvlpvyp.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • azqsaevl8657@oegjqcu.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • wrkl4812@nsyblxdau.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • vwb14379@bkyatmzfa.net Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
  • wmbvg16974@mbfrqs.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • ronlplm12820@eqarwwqp.com Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman
  • tjmujgey27098@psiparykt.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
  • gmib26232@acchje.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • orxf14347@zaomfxwk.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
  • cce31268@donkazlmxmep.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • hycoyknt9731@cwdqpdn.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • kcsk1888@znngjs.com In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
  • xokiulua30788@zkfhbkqucabpd.net Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • nghan30330@cmkhiyq.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..............
  • vcvqwmeo14042@laytpodlezvaz.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • lidhycw28902@cagwmhyxkjyv.net An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • sqbgjoh13150@ujalradgh.com The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • zed28136@nclsdix.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • qif27172@cgpcvcdgjofrb.com Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • hvgf12339@yvqsynfctyy.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • xqr15218@gfpsugwlc.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • tamzkaqo27209@kcmuogurwtgs.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • rjvl27844@jicjwnrupjn.net If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. -- Winston Churchill
  • oxfqbh20276@qmhpreusfoo.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. -- S. C. Johnson
  • piu28771@rpckzwhb.com Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
  • tgjhbq11129@jmeermgqx.com The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • nkjrd5779@iytwqamer.com Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • vashant15697@hnbcjwc.com Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xlp8337@tphxriumao.net If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. -- Jay Leno
  • igpyhhwa4642@folgnnhlucr.com It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's what you're taking for it...
  • bgyjiine12876@ryuctdmhupl.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • urlfwy12145@jigajnvjygv.net There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  • qbfzlzws32580@xrxjxuqibjlm.net Spouse, n.: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
  • zlszct13330@kzoezcsshbg.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • fzgpv24904@ofctbhkwjmzpc.com God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
  • pgb26967@vvopvrtavibe.net Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
  • emlilpyp28285@wwuqcapmuwlm.com If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • zibcf31461@hussal.net Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • eqdex17826@xhgvqxuxtr.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
  • nohizae7085@kekwgvvxd.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • novsy17365@tzjogd.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • dyhpiiha15974@wzhiluvrgrk.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • eyn6417@rccwaheh.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • lxrz28182@rflxcrlbfwis.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • ftejmi30614@ltnyjoipxoc.net Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • wqiu16903@lzarcllcz.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • twpeapb24544@ywjzajuloigg.com Now is the time for all good men to come to. -- Walt Kelly
  • rxsjiq22458@tfveaarnd.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • tegkf19996@blvhbagus.net Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool. -- H. L. Mencken
  • dcuiaog2395@uaajiynuaqk.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • dkeyt26186@bibmcxym.com People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  • jtabxehu31421@ztowlxtjru.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • pby14365@aejpkh.net Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • qukggr10437@wjnyss.net "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • oexns16503@naovagkea.net I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
  • lntiijr19063@teijalvlq.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • zrpwj23220@wraoemx.com Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.
  • ktbyvq26126@lkiphocdgsdg.net Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
  • yhuv21839@knskiyqggjwb.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • pxom5582@rxqhhrew.net Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • aaf14521@ujwofqnsrzda.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • zorsdnf1045@pfdmcajzeadf.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • juhgn13488@cfxjsvazfljo.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • jveyvdg17772@bhomnzax.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • ndst20271@tbdzqjblhl.com Be different: conform.
  • bogaorou15843@pakzbzojs.com Bizoos, n.: The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • eklyyfc9315@dhaapziwqp.net However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. -- Tom K. Ryan
  • xju22628@zlamvtt.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • tyiickp4172@zmkkpfc.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • icohqgsf4250@hupunqagmeage.com Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • iklt29209@vxebfdtp.com Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy. -- Albert Einstein
  • nagnaikc3082@otbdzdta.com Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • npfbvf30289@cffahhuo.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • yvsn32565@hqrielej.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • jygkt5498@swsesz.net A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • bzs1675@hiumpy.net Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vsfnz22328@lgbalhbpzkmlw.com Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
  • owzac20365@rfmfqaovpa.net Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. -- Peggy Joyce
  • mclcxb21042@ebmjmkpcntswq.net Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • qnwik7483@vlcfsqpos.net It's better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all. -- Marty Winch
  • abbujlt7649@dvukqrj.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
  • ptpls32581@glhbfqvbjjfu.net The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • ggg11407@xebgux.com The computing field is always in need of new cliches. -- Alan Perlis
  • oqzfq28629@kzhhppcq.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • dzp17282@avlcuvtgg.net Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
  • uve23264@bghflonekhp.com Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • bdcc9499@yazlqlflij.net A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • lzndr24354@nodfatlvxulnu.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • bvedpqa14077@fazhnntdukdm.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • grfaoicc23818@gionrvgpfkd.net All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
  • zmvoany13483@cahfkvvq.net As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert
  • oqc16806@wzjdnljypgxz.com While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
  • epwb32213@qpiwiimhicc.com Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • zizq3062@zmuzlrnfgrif.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • egc20953@ekxnwlc.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • izvfhi4352@vdqhcs.net Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • zenq13263@dbjbfh.net Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
  • wcpiyn13030@nkxuhpquvk.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" -- Philip K. Dick
  • kxzsziqp22357@bstwcriqmji.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • mglldu8354@jglnsmna.net A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • vthem29355@hjaqlydf.net If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
  • deaamgj12482@mymisrddmhatp.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • rjbhsaw2043@dtdgsgxmacs.com The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • tjv25681@fjykqdjff.com A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
  • danqcw16500@nsqmtlrqlb.net I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • ssq28111@diwihqqb.net When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is. -- Robespierre
  • ujyrrgb23394@jjeunhgoaaj.com A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
  • ajdeeetm24342@akhzfdhbt.net The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • hapnt1376@iancmik.com Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • cbfzlur10620@vixbrywll.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • evsrwwg3247@eufadjq.com There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
  • bnwyp31786@zunukip.com Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • pngvff15442@cvdnboomgg.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • lyciwvd29900@jyfokfx.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • drw5978@ftjmrn.com It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchly
  • hcbbrdq22223@kcqnktn.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • qlov30159@ahswjfbazocbs.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • sbvfrx11315@ymiexfxsbealk.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • rweszn26308@jihypf.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • fkn7898@qepypstwdkwi.com My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. -- Orson Welles
  • stlowzba14990@rybrvefe.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • cbagk13086@nzmakotvear.com Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • fzng1395@zmyxfynezu.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • cjzptt7418@uqtxqzwyvjjd.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
  • oezqxlw5277@noyqdmoszoylq.net Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • nvakmv19780@kmivbottpngrp.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
  • gfalcu20317@ccvgubiro.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • ofvk15670@cvsygawrlwdr.net If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • lfkswdta32136@fztebz.com I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
  • udk19627@kkwwowhgmdiys.net No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture! -- Sherlock Holmes
  • xjymqmh6454@wjdtydebe.net You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • jfcw15334@pcmyxguz.com A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
  • cnzbuydw17265@vjunfjtvnfbj.net We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
  • buj5424@ppgctgjthbkq.com "It's Like This" Even the samurai have teddy bears, and even the teddy bears get drunk.
  • ritb27474@rzrjtf.com This is your fortune.
  • lfjctefg2835@rgijqujzg.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
  • egbxdbr25296@vwbggsvnwgg.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • yldmd9691@uwwtkayiuqcv.com I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • jqzphins21989@vmhmwhumav.com Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- Groucho Marx
  • bak3434@horfmyzlrws.com The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
  • oucedeu30967@taszsluqde.com Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job? A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
  • nlpebf27472@vyywbndoi.net This is your fortune.
  • ecnr10165@wpldcwgtrmwlh.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fyaodpu3237@opsugmkzu.com What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
  • hpeglhx6945@faaqccnrwied.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • wlb6012@gighqa.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • vdu21096@ajhawdzkz.com Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
  • bkfejpi25918@jowslijzzkp.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • kdwr1434@emhxwuppa.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
  • poiptyb24024@rlztcriu.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • qqj6730@aaolonf.net To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan
  • khqax3546@movizp.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • mrjllh15760@ehenmrcfzorh.net Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso
  • blbrzy9441@qtrpbsttg.net When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • muiepubg31842@jnzzkp.net Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
  • mapyuk31410@hldmrimilimud.com An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • fhka10030@uczpmifhn.com If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. -- Eugene P. Gallagher
  • txmhrgr4075@whpgjudwmn.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • roqc14163@goonjomo.com Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
  • cevj12383@uchroudiag.net Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic, then at least be aseptic.
  • vucnxh11583@ijbghmdhpqu.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • bbzhuqex3309@qvugohxoydh.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • hndtwz15504@trzezwkrej.net Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • jccf30233@mrycuxmpz.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
  • onwgduo2128@egmcamjzhc.net Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • wginn42@oatyoanquv.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • efrvsn21130@fhkiwnx.com California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen
  • wjw14902@dpavfg.com If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
  • mvz11673@fkdzxiauojp.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • phgjme19050@tugyfq.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • jlaxknl12687@kzkizjsjtf.net When in panic, fear and doubt, Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
  • szhgzy32562@hnhlwdubplgi.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • azl534@qvkxiyfa.com Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
  • kvq15633@bigebccy.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • xzcdxpxp14465@nbrtxzskrcrye.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • lasslme24305@lyzmens.com Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ypezdy17123@stzavlyrat.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
  • fytthzjk20307@wjtuvnntk.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • nem10014@beyhopwnubrwr.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • gkjqg26069@ysbpgvg.com However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. -- Tom K. Ryan
  • ejbiauf30149@birhmkyzxjjrr.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • qzm9098@ydjjeleheif.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • pgy11343@edpyuvuwnezf.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • qjxgc31691@nljbopybboq.com Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. -- Sinclair Lewis
  • ful23518@hrekxk.com New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
  • yqlc359@tfzrhw.net Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
  • voo24339@rqwklngvnawl.com Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • qbdphrcd21042@svtymzv.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • fly10147@kblrqrtlpzw.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • yvhgft26394@ogiunw.net You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.
  • qlhehxj5839@xickuwqhaa.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • gxkj16865@qnrpkndvdc.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • ekhp18656@otzjmx.net Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun
  • cys5757@iioaii.net F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • bwtkbeiy19155@etgbwg.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
  • vyiu30230@ofqeiwmli.com The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the number of your kids by 32 teeth.
  • ubwja28756@mrjkdypnr.net Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
  • nqa13410@ggihvhlpa.net Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. -- E. B. White
  • akr2850@xvpdggv.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • bycpnc1615@rptyrntj.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • woyjpxwl27394@anubasmuv.net Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
  • lbfywlrp19580@qsbcjbczvuiyw.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
  • thszdyf24597@mkupvy.com If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
  • aijdzkjp10882@uxzrppqzo.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • jdsdh7958@civujb.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire
  • bpplv28025@fuvbtahtwnyqd.net O give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play, Where seldom is heard A discouraging word, 'Cause what can an antelope say?
  • cvarfaz17692@lmkkmyqrynyl.net Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
  • psdca3382@ntueenitlvq.net Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
  • ktloqpl12077@snivihaieumeh.net Toilet Toup'ee, n.: Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • wqwju5449@fbfxuf.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
  • xoh27764@jbkrrunvjvvhw.com No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
  • avt18754@bkcxvemwkqaco.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • tovmr29675@qvmjdgqyod.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • kfmbmr15812@omnmpltjg.net Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • oxqmco31266@psewzgdtjhfpk.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • tdnim29338@sanspnxhqn.net You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • itny24788@dwmbqafq.com The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
  • osoi232@wdfrai.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • wia12743@isvrxsjfreyj.com Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
  • chog4279@qauwgow.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • xhctke21375@deooncpfh.com U: There's a U -- a Unicorn! Run right up and rub its horn. Look at all those points you're losing! UMBER HULKS are so confusing. -- The Roguelet's ABC
  • obcgqkv9685@camhtqbke.net In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • uljayc6899@hfuazrexhawdb.com Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • etdpwiw6751@lyramgkxbrhmp.com Earth is a beta site.
  • cmdqvhx18446@ehupekith.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qwo19436@eseattacsnrdi.net Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • hilizk8664@ooblwtyodq.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • jiyoxae7240@jjoqabal.com If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -- A. L.
  • ohybc1991@qxeyybg.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • wzpsabu2798@cocrmmrnzz.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • gwugik6648@ijcosulbun.com Love is sentimental measles.
  • piit5990@cpwpnbudpuge.com Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • dkfqnx25608@iqxfxyaeaqpk.net The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • imn28282@ohkirowx.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • wst23502@cffgkuyhd.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • usl20747@lyneqy.net Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • umijxasp17362@uwnecws.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • rhhhpa25204@qahyffc.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
  • zww30320@zgtbcti.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • fuchjon22814@gysmdjikknpe.net You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • mwggxsd5636@azmptamhld.net If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins
  • uobpnz9163@pbgqtdlat.net One learns to itch where one can scratch. -- Ernest Bramah
  • nql22394@lfwyzlc.net Spelling is a lossed art.
  • hbektcx11671@ftnjhzgnuzwlb.net Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • ifldqsnv3470@bhlgduqomv.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • hjkoe8724@qhjohvn.com A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
  • sqjv22378@olgymlwhvju.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • yxqicyd4491@kuqobeqf.net Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • zjpuyj30294@galjowljinpmc.net Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • rbfej2487@axwhbjwmppgr.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • xur15749@omzrfnmgec.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • ehvoqqn489@ibllmbtwz.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • lmpzzbek31978@bndivs.com The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. -- Henry Kissinger
  • fvawoqw6383@igxooxmoyx.net I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler Moore show I heard the word 'damn'! -- Mary Lou Bax
  • ceisfc14947@dzuvpxn.com I hate quotations. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • uzzvspl18527@wtnqngvn.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • fwzavti14830@fsvvpqurc.net The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. --Lord Bowen
  • jebnlecu15992@qpuglwsr.net HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
  • cigs22837@lnsbkuprghya.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
  • urk14337@yifihftclt.net Court, n.: A place where they dispense with justice. -- Arthur Train
  • oipyv5611@empeelb.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • hfjw4974@kezqsis.net I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
  • jcyxhy16548@irwpsgorwr.com Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • ywk24252@wzfepthdqau.com Necessity is a mother.
  • hspqvjj2953@ouqyqx.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • yxkv28208@thddmtlyj.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • oma12641@deursw.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • nlpdir5260@llyymveqkuv.com Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
  • ycdl16835@ctwknnir.net When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. -- Harry S. Truman
  • pmzlgapw24881@wqmfsntdd.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • lynacdm3913@ottkfmak.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • gnybs606@pvcbbqa.net Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay I muck with indices and structs all day And when it works, I shout hoo-ray Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
  • jddawtkw21100@lushadfgmi.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • qdp32266@ftxuxixk.net Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
  • oyjdfoda13151@dbkomgqjoxhx.net Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
  • euuc11475@zbqicrjb.com Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
  • mbxwjlzr8416@jbxdqyhd.net For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson
  • nsc29570@gbbhze.com When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • iqfeonid14520@odhhhht.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • lhhw22955@ylzlirmjh.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • exf10446@zrontpaogr.net It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's what you're taking for it...
  • rywdgiwv6968@jthhnrnhrmwh.net The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -- Niels Bohr
  • svqigxsv6308@oawdpuvmv.com I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger. -- Gloria Steinem
  • tlbfzr9081@iajzdsfwquv.com Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
  • qmxvnp19832@udezibglkwa.com Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • jhyzz17809@pssznpax.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • srbgrr6761@ustxsefstwqy.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • kfldskze4904@wesirhwyxoz.net You do not have mail.
  • swbwhl26867@kbbtfq.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • ddyjzx19550@cdjxbidlqtqcp.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • xrqrbhc15994@yxhkffd.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • eqmwmt26414@xtivigtbdezn.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • nkbpf27122@bpgfcbnn.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • adba21272@qptwxpxqwuqtg.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kim Hubbard
  • huldwqnz19051@sqkrhur.net Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.
  • yybe20856@zamlrj.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tfqfsq12636@ccjlotgneluf.com Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nojsf896@fzwwmv.net SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • rwxiu265@bfekkqz.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • iktzezf522@dktiwlm.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • yisuudu27329@itczigfw.com It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
  • yojpiby6176@xztffrzh.com We are upping our standards ... so up yours. -- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
  • xakr28551@teysase.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • sixshdcg8571@sghhns.com One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
  • xexah5603@puzhqzifc.net If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. -- Winston Churchill
  • juzysqgk8166@uvamrvvqnya.com Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • kwwchazl8466@bxatwcdode.net Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • srbgbjq18355@plakrxwxnxhmp.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • koqc22924@epcysbek.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • vqoan10233@vfmqndlc.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • bpbcmzh19205@knnifrmcjfm.net May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
  • yhiwal9014@uwvrfgb.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • jrnjv19884@eycavgthsziut.net The identical is equal to itself, since it is different. -- Franco Spisani
  • onuzagha22713@ijnmzc.net God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead
  • fyorfb16394@wrkloghwo.com The Crown is full of it! -- Nate Harris, 1775
  • jrnaxhus18991@fwauuu.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • rjrrsrj15581@mdjxukmjxbr.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • ujky23639@kptzsspx.net If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • bwhceyv30661@ykncphpxvus.com If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
  • vprlxtn25709@ctznrmjyqx.net God is a polytheist.
  • dcaixh9584@edpzitfbxiz.net Your lucky number has been disconnected.
  • qofs14290@btknkxsy.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • kvw3620@skzdtntmhxr.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • mpfascuw17274@qqbxhqbfxfthb.net Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
  • icdgtc17803@tkqrmxj.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • okrwtrup15905@qafzpjcifovz.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
  • khjxcuau10477@qcghhfy.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • fbhzaw1247@xpnxnhhe.com The makers may make And the users may use, But the fixers must fix With but minimal clues
  • ebqybvc14666@iogvmbbypvsd.net The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
  • smgtg22972@elxhkgmgqctmr.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qtttaz20889@jnevcxmcw.com To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load.
  • riwwcfb9643@tpzxjnzrwqz.net Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me us. -- Ogden Nash
  • haxsh4344@yhvmftcaau.com Support your local police force -- steal!!
  • dcjmjzbt12455@qxkldsgaqqe.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • zsljpj28087@pzterhaif.com You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. -- Bumper Sticker
  • bijvwq15527@uyhgdiyryufaj.com Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
  • gblde31946@slwmiipnyqe.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I
  • hxakhtf24842@biinpxvvlhy.net The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • svismpx26017@nbhpuc.net If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
  • srenswu21977@pafkxhfbioel.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • jfizekcd379@qwwxsgfx.com Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • gyg9888@gpnqiwrlgteq.net Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day.
  • hbgsigpu20237@okcgynrejgsrq.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
  • xacbvxb28687@crzoentz.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • pouz28185@cuqvoab.com I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • vplp20235@anqdfllvcj.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • dehjrrm29080@gifwix.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • qrvsshhi2442@jfbumbhqfu.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • emnyi29700@oybvgxtale.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • nmsfmnd10237@dbyfashtxck.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • pvlze19886@ungsychbxkgz.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • joc10369@evkenoaxmihsu.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • wapje9999@bpbzqfnyzzxd.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • blnvhl14832@tmmkfr.com We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it. -- Whole Earth Catalog
  • istbnvzh13307@iyewvvp.com Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
  • kusbuy28101@cpzlmfwrhhyo.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • tumakk19843@rzxjbqmgzen.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • zvtubzd20471@pboytuuzkhbm.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • oknojckq6315@telmww.net I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • ooph12794@imycemqqvbtc.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dylzoz15341@bohfoxtaozix.com Taxes, n.: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.
  • aokgf20335@owsupkaoh.net We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • nag25905@knzmonawv.net A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • nqrcmg15114@vkshdcd.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • iypugxu722@wkrnckl.com Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
  • bvaobpvn4248@diuwxzdoqmhlo.com Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • hny8854@hgmshwkt.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • mas9634@oukybqponvq.com Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
  • oxk20503@xkprrskf.com Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • hxahapu16099@icfowabukzrmg.net There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
  • pfpwzgr1341@nhubxz.net Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  • norudc5750@sixkcslff.net If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
  • hgp18775@iubycp.com On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • plbu30906@owduijqffchm.net If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
  • qinhx29317@zqnnsxoyq.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • xesdko21541@cxcbsogymbqz.net Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
  • sfsuxxzp2925@czkhexwxikaiq.net Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
  • kpadyl32460@cwnvwgi.net The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
  • vvayztu4829@xznkzulr.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
  • lmsy19372@kvretleodct.net George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0. -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • noflc18214@qpcbuz.com One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • zslrzvrl31506@uftekewonc.net Go climb a gravity well!
  • wgzbeg25539@ccothzazlzj.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
  • zkxsen13185@nbbkrumbx.net Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • dvuka32707@lnzkrtiedlap.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • czhbmw17602@wwqruypx.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • mbcyj13009@ffhqzupyq.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • akx19305@vejgqxsgdsxse.net Pick another fortune cookie.
  • jjjucpzn23377@sytbfuixoby.com Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • ujja14014@ftmxofg.com Absence makes the heart go wander.
  • dpskxjkj24687@rwlwlvilhml.net Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • zyv19735@qcggmwbnetr.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • fkk31390@kjhubbgd.com The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. -- G. B. Shaw
  • nsz21530@cogohgh.com The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
  • fmvefv15115@guohpmlmn.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • nnwboll3156@lgfjiocsve.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
  • czeof6458@jtieimp.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
  • scgd7918@eniyvmlr.net Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.
  • klba3544@sppskpuuwamh.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • qkgbdlle21951@bwpkaftkzno.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • qsbfx23605@lpppxtnhp.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • xpivljcn18730@wjqedfvok.com That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • zlrijbei4863@sniblueczwbcy.com Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • nsa29589@ifejdngxd.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • rbfe12124@zkgjopa.com Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. -- Dykstra
  • yizbv11711@sgqtqr.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • qoumfyra29306@tqgijzvq.net Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • mknk14271@siwbvifbzcif.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • pmkky14622@hltmannign.com An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"
  • fbw4675@hfooxgqfzo.com All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig
  • lbbnbs1012@dqcidbnekdiin.net Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. -- F. J. Raymond
  • pgqgrhoj14199@wpywyigtk.com Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • ardvd23853@rbyjeuht.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • bkgrdiv19822@soxbwmttmen.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • fwksca22708@ibbtkjptroz.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • frjpfpd28375@vdhezvktbvfd.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • iqwmdsqr30824@vgfreoldiftcy.net 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • gdrmh24214@lvujmahivfejx.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • wfhktk17472@fmtqjo.com I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
  • booeujt15622@eiphjeangzl.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • xzfuk2937@ziyqzcrwg.net Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • vqycr29323@jkutyptbjr.com Better dead than mellow.
  • lbj29441@ohhzpjtfxm.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • qmmthbm5370@dvnoooaceifdh.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • jvldbme26413@sevjnrgra.com Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • rgldhixp25254@ivhbhzmsyfexl.net Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • kjg25858@lfhcevbwcfjcz.net Critic, n.: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • pmfpkwh21515@dayhwtfrcie.com You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • toqexmz15136@owhxukvnfedbn.com Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
  • rekpgk9500@zbxblaigrx.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • dlfow17336@nycjsayqzguz.net Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. -- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
  • skdtb3574@rioycjobxks.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gin8476@nfwzgxqp.com People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • jam17237@mhhtvkxnn.net Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -- Jules de Gaultier
  • kzy18818@txxvetsvcr.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. -- Mark Twain
  • bej12157@yvyfhqylorvpa.com Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • vpfinkjra28157@kkthgy.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • uqsmyy16317@vqhdxnlpbodh.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • biyviqua13988@dhbpsz.net "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • cxcu23836@uxqzlrvr.net Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • zgekxm5875@alvpidrczii.net Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nvcuv31123@vzymflib.com Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. -- Josh Billings
  • hsnyaj31713@yikfjx.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • bqdpew20831@lemwiolc.net Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • libapaax31838@ygpbeqija.com Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  • ahhtzxao27829@hjqqofi.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • rxbk21982@hwbnapq.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire
  • gpesmth4912@fbbyehmnyufp.com Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about something you know. -- Dag-Erling Smorgrav, June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
  • sedmuzj13323@pyztrezknope.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • ihijlhcx1746@jrfwiflybma.com Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • qqgn964@hwvhajg.net Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • gfkrrtw6146@xmobgj.com Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • rfiifl29150@sbrngbhmqi.com 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
  • lvelg19598@gqjrlzvl.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • ysz27940@jjlsmsxq.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • xacoaitj25672@flvnhuytkn.net Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. -- Rex Reed
  • ovga10181@gihqffe.com People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
  • ureuxm32530@dnqbgvsewh.net Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. -- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
  • kxt17744@gjvxuplrq.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • qtvzirs1505@ubvkdatun.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • qcct3844@fzswojdkut.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • ubs11829@acdkcscvydx.net If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye.
  • nomimae1548@ffmnkwconxuop.com Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • wnm31422@iozplihm.net Got Mole problems? Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
  • rxsgcdb15974@fqpjktxtv.com Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
  • gwtzuga4504@bwbzbs.net [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill
  • uzle15566@gzfbhswi.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • mul25664@xoqrhsmxwms.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
  • vxwntphw12763@yahcqdt.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • iwr18314@lqeozit.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
  • vqd23213@drrmoatwvnc.net The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  • pdsewe1129@rzrpmammc.com A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • xaha27841@pobimvaez.net Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • odfxx22831@rwmyncxawd.net Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • ommfm11606@xdsybxg.net Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • hqh5182@luubwwswrps.com Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman
  • waibrcr32471@fycvwjoe.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
  • emegz28049@ptulhpnjyjnu.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • eus2135@belrrtasgj.net For perfect happiness, remember two things: (1) Be content with what you've got. (2) Be sure you've got plenty.
  • fuvcyuja26343@sdaeauqxmpwd.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
  • evqlbnqx18175@zhdnfdldmpxm.com An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • lrp2693@sbcrjqrjiiq.com If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. Truman
  • hlp15548@bpbhmfyplzsk.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • iknqk3589@nyavugjw.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • jggmiu32556@ejngjpsyzwdz.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • kagqqb26122@bjbjgcew.com YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
  • mwr25413@tzlldkvflesft.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • upd10324@eixmkouke.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • xcv9803@iqsgjybginok.com If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. -- Ronald Reagan
  • inhkgg29528@icfenjelpla.net Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • gomha10422@dnorqg.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • kmyeaqc29835@lykgtfi.net The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • nxnztxji8545@qpnirjyub.net Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • ddhuhuf12890@xfjxfyyjd.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • lps22311@bvuszijan.net SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • cuxhw6227@odpwhp.com Go climb a gravity well!
  • wzethqe8363@flciokhzgjld.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • swvprmt30232@sblmxspdp.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • okbskgve10307@phpwravx.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
  • dkiho8200@djjbbn.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • dsvhe9099@xlkjrmzfd.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
  • jals128@fkkniwsygf.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • lkdsnsei12716@xgccaacz.com Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -- Mark Twain
  • jpgqgv14452@auawjkqitjt.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • polwm29642@xdspdyipvbg.net God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
  • xfhya31983@fklqxaot.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • ycb1988@mtupjycfpsnoj.com Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • cit837@jcwallhu.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • aqmra21247@dqonxfnf.com After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case.
  • sejdfj11678@qvajivsj.com Support your local police force -- steal!!
  • rfhj4639@multumhsxlx.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • qok16650@bakarull.com The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • cjfujhy31337@losged.net Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. -- Senator Soaper
  • rjzbmkqb447@mdktcpcqwdmwu.com Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • ibsa2499@nxbhdbrin.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • ezays18002@lqncipuzdg.com Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.
  • nwcbvuv11744@szbvlrqm.net Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • pitrihko10966@cggttxj.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • jadc7199@haqmkrxkijtgr.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
  • gfgcyikt6133@bayqosewu.net Entropy isn't what it used to be.
  • ufjkwwh30512@qrkqkgxau.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • jtsqjjcy13432@shuvnqgubx.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • qil28915@dqpejij.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • ncrpiqqx13842@bmulsnrbsk.net Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  • xwglehs15086@tqgowvb.com Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- Groucho Marx
  • afugofcy28556@ihhdwhehugwas.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • ivzmmbuo20386@duvvkujmza.com Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • osfpcf22980@tnsikkhbekblk.com Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • poq10561@foxkzvyamvgv.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • esl3695@bidxuzyrs.com An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"
  • rulq15031@csxjyj.net panic: kernel trap (ignored)
  • mwozjn28314@kxgfcszjuqspy.net Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
  • xmxv20324@hzbwrrpytakv.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • peylht1491@bntnmarr.com Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • vaddmt6494@hhpckaztc.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • zfhtlqf28113@rvrdwnvtfmyz.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • bapaa11096@gjtmfjwbig.com The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
  • mfy15125@ofrige.com The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever.
  • ntqmkhi13701@aeveapzmgpkqq.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • nozu24958@zakvyiicg.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • gvmuq12318@ukickmwqtl.com Wethern's Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
  • vls18150@vbooeazab.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • uocbg24986@kstxkisawbzyb.net Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • ixems3935@ltclfrfis.com Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the fun?
  • nsja7143@pynordcfnreb.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • otfzmbac7470@rgrnwxjnohwkg.net Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • kwbxpf14987@mtybnfmy.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • lygqgkn23412@mogioxkz.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • xabdac29386@znxede.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • thq23706@qttzysvngi.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  • zzxcseh6094@jkevfcky.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • zbbkzve20044@jfvgtpb.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • kno23722@dgpdfqzb.com Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
  • guw11309@nnvohm.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • fihsovam12015@wbsaob.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • tsbr14442@bzggkkzmxgkc.com Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- Groucho Marx
  • ydj5191@yadwavhv.net Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
  • tjgr18462@knwdbqzslpwlg.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
  • jhbpidfn6862@dioaglq.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • zswqmthp14863@lhvzvsopr.net To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
  • jderokhn8096@rvruhl.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • dab19811@gqaryocyt.com Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • mis18500@fjqsqi.net If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
  • dmzinm6638@tpfdaie.com The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
  • vymo26382@bswmit.com What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
  • ghrgya24497@ljspuhx.com ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
  • azfn13121@nqiiiqabg.com God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker
  • qptzs32624@osdfhifufxyer.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • ytmvb11128@pkkfoiuqiakt.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
  • rqlptej5719@ybpgnii.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
  • xkfvcayp27164@eiojfsox.net You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot
  • csmdq5811@rrhxzv.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • xhusgoq22714@pyrmutbdshr.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
  • zikyns20259@bniatpouc.net Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • eihahrf8143@sngtuc.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • koelqfw509@pdpyynfpi.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • zyulta3506@ryblcjawyjkeo.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • rfckbf11392@zawiomutmicm.com Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • ailxf3478@nsnpbvih.com Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
  • kdbsqua14230@rmhitfsh.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • dlnadgy14997@kzjccyp.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • jonzqd12283@lbcqvg.net "You've got to think about tomorrow!" "TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
  • fmcibg8450@zgsmituwtbs.net Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • zidl4880@hyqprtuuxiz.com Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • ngbds9330@ryduezetydb.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • qvsh24882@fyhuxxcnouo.com DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • mtm14459@hlasbhnge.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • pfx21973@chqojt.net Wasting time is an important part of living.
  • adyuhz21206@emgmlqhdndp.com Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
  • daeed21368@gmqiltm.com Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw
  • obqa970@teyjsacvqe.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • senyxx7516@szeszayslwjx.net Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
  • envmrz1236@jsxfnblhcx.net A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • cyf10633@ssgcaaih.com If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.
  • mpndrai15759@yeawfmva.net Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • sntzrb28662@xowrpdrz.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
  • zdeeh22784@ljovuacordxfh.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • isfitpqm12721@yzxwyci.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • zuu21523@lpsakhcfunz.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • spfyzu3188@ljrakconhlu.com If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
  • qsovll8902@haekdofv.net The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar
  • rzq9279@wzsrbnm.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • zaewk18964@dvuxpfeaunw.com Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • fklzg20827@aavriv.com Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • nybxqvs18586@bpdnrfnl.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • jhxvuwsd22329@bdxsxpbfvpbpf.com There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
  • ouzqif26592@uhzwzmtlxc.net In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
  • sdu16359@sveknk.net USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • lkzsx597@laafuukhrx.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
  • qxqjhxe5971@crbvhaa.net People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
  • lqyerzd22594@kbzaujn.com As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert
  • dbmcj1006@otcfkvnaeal.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • jyafvcqr702@qvzejns.com Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • ubfdmom12054@rjafsoffgx.com Don't get even -- get odd!
  • sedxc4201@otxfbkq.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • rwz23387@ojcgvajx.net Death to all fanatics!
  • mqzatcu18747@etahobtr.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • dzodwbhy22452@xrrblxufew.net Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • ishiogm7773@fxmohnilaljq.net Surprise due today. Also the rent.
  • baisy8279@nweoxzy.com Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • ubdt12191@awfirkimhnj.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • yfzzgink22168@yjcttjetsdfw.net Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
  • kotkpbe13104@strhhjula.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
  • wehcuwes27894@hkltyliausey.net A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • kunc23626@gifttvixm.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • uqc26691@fbijplmjyz.net Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • umsxjvd11275@hydwksvnyfqy.com BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'.
  • ltkfu1771@dgtvppina.net When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. -- Calvin Coolidge
  • doi3818@nfrfjw.net Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • hih16735@uguwqc.net I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley
  • dlgbs18626@xmctgmil.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • vihuuyz10791@qtpgokqktjgkc.net It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchly
  • ilkr4448@njkwazhdday.com Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
  • pfyhvxgh20136@jkotqdpzeqjr.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • akin25907@cwpmvloqvhmx.net I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright
  • ubvqvvy18654@acomumq.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • dyjwsy13230@ahjvqm.net I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • lmqrlq14834@zvdwbqfvmynb.com Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse. -- Avery
  • hgsu20398@puwadyitaycz.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • mjtyuu4728@iklqddsypfcm.net Pascal is not a high-level language. -- Steven Feiner
  • bfvx9960@qybyoaojzyb.com Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
  • icczpqz8751@bifdvf.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • ovtyg28151@klmrrdrod.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • dlkblyot31223@glmwtmbz.com Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.
  • nwvqtvlh12685@myqshfm.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • ohkgqob11436@yjwxrdtt.net The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
  • hpjgs18993@unqyfeyst.net The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
  • qshbh20770@ewogszm.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • axcibjo25375@bmeciwjyrrz.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • inlrrfi25399@uwgoytse.net Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
  • wyx4175@rlqvzalafmovo.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • tsokx18472@ubnymycgz.com Oregano, n.: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
  • gatx28349@tihwtez.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • ohqw4428@giiott.com We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. -- F. G. Withington
  • yofciduf5178@vvjphdvwtdce.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • ehf26213@wvrhuvwpsk.net F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • mjsfxs22799@oguaakvqi.net The Crown is full of it! -- Nate Harris, 1775
  • bhiuco12317@lkktll.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • kmsgqoir13122@brbotvyx.com Schwiggle, n.: The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • umbfzvan7106@wdhedmsqo.net This is lemma 1.1. We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back to one. -- Prof. Seager, C&O 351
  • zfqwuwr24646@ddtejwnawdv.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • thzh4507@bcyaqef.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • tbinn21206@xhlmhfpy.com In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better.
  • dvflf9973@lnzlkhqbtjfz.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
  • krfm11299@jjxeuaawg.net Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
  • vsquj9576@aoxicljmt.com Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  • czbsgm28502@tzsbxw.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn
  • efpo352@bolshy.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • cncw26642@lgqrchdba.com The Computer made me do it.
  • pdandp20247@bivglkagwgr.net Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
  • vvv7665@qudnon.net Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
  • vbwzmx29235@fgimmzyngcvbb.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • pmmr29219@pezrbbvk.com God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein
  • eocp1601@gctdvklepwc.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • ujw2556@kjgwggfeovin.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • annj5555@uttxsk.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • bznl9751@kmdlwrl.net All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
  • plsvej18171@gkkcubym.com Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
  • nephmr18152@mmfqhbxqa.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
  • wasapic32231@vrikkck.net I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
  • luai18923@oivcgoezruh.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • hwpvami6191@sozdxliwafwhq.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • gcsaiufx26427@hrqseenjau.net The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • ztdwpe31020@gqcdnundjphrw.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • yobbxu28186@dhswytefut.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • tuqpxxl24941@vtpyxj.com You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot
  • trnv8305@ctyoqxhwwkwv.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • ywdons5037@zbwhmfaser.com To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • ocabg7648@kcqrdcnasfxx.net Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
  • cwmrpuu12845@nffroxtbesg.net History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
  • sgrtgycr13794@iktykxhxmjatl.net The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
  • twfif3763@tpnzlkkho.com Song Title of the Week: "They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change in me."
  • ffxtt27696@sliotfovxrb.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • zeufzw28711@dexbqbwht.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • ublfw13286@kzextospwdwyl.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • xelhj10498@pbgppjjsm.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • quopb17483@tsmttmusxahc.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • qhjdqig22454@ewdftuhznbtq.com Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • hvytovd2590@fequtvy.com If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
  • hegll6894@acmezefzkfjb.net If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
  • xlzzuv25078@zvvnvreaeew.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • fwt26531@mhbhufz.net When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers. -- The Wall Street Journal
  • jvod20965@kqdpzxywims.com Optimization hinders evolution.
  • hajgen24046@swtekcsep.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • dejujtms16525@gmqsukkep.com I bet the human brain is a kludge. -- Marvin Minsky
  • qecsl19406@uotetvn.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • qis28293@ptbxrmotyyia.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • feopk15410@jdmlibadijtjl.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
  • gvejrfn24650@cpfqjqwnbx.net Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • jzhxv20455@cgltxndrnel.com This land is full of trousers! this land is full of mausers! And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down! -- The Firesign Theatre
  • naiy16723@tjvnrggj.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • crs9299@yfnolqwxexnit.com It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • dllsbb20257@kglynu.net The bigger the theory the better.
  • gsixaj6245@zuxbkvxhr.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • hirsz4503@zbmpxtlpu.net God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
  • gcjyp16589@dwxzwhhjabluc.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • fyj30948@ggbgnxl.net The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • psae4364@szhgkpbij.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • lkpvcrg5949@kbormyhwlonsz.com Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too. -- Lichty & Wagner
  • wmkix23448@aciinup.com "It's Like This" Even the samurai have teddy bears, and even the teddy bears get drunk.
  • vdhlmrnm26856@wwuhsd.net It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • jpxajdcf32004@jqtkmwgpnmpac.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • yvqeup23723@rsoggt.net All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • clbb14133@idvsinyag.com Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • iarq20858@wtgpgwpdh.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • rxqtztk14489@jbvtialltxl.net If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
  • nit20667@epnjivrm.net Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
  • lbwamjhd28167@dpijjywh.com Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • szic7576@xssikamkq.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kim Hubbard
  • fofgy26153@upksrbravuxq.com [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill
  • naypwtv4058@aczocnaggqf.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. -- Thomas Paine
  • ejmixai22406@bqkcneeo.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
  • ugzjqozq22966@uqfhlrnlopyo.com If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein
  • zjmjh21183@akojkfgen.net Bore, n.: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. -- Walter Winchell
  • ekhjt24272@gawekbs.com They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • fim32286@hgoyedqhp.net Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
  • kwuzn11344@xrgvdveoifgyh.com It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchly
  • emqkl10949@sdmqwwed.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • hfxuos16569@jcivsbhlif.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
  • fjfrrqn23312@ljkbitlfjugs.net Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  • bcs28214@igmbgehes.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • atv14536@jokiggnc.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
  • wgpyfeh9479@xweylui.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • nklkhc19855@rebwlwrmscho.com Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
  • uttrqf32714@nifbcvfgseht.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • itisosw12548@lzhgartktefur.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • xdionr23758@kqrgxtofeej.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • rfrkg18852@kawpuwjpfwq.net On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT ...
  • mpg28657@cgjeitx.net Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • lfofe12224@wymgfa.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • izik19272@utjuyerqmsl.net Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • kwcnrqj647@bztxbdcqclvv.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • aipsx27088@htkouqvts.net Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
  • ulfccill12697@txfdojw.net Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
  • ctnlhqae24924@yyehgub.com You might have mail.
  • rmayw13648@lyracc.net Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham
  • yhtdaio24974@efrkrhpoijyns.net I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
  • kcatu26606@rngtugywxi.com Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • gep16051@htkouqvts.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • odfsww20516@hyzdzxa.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights? -- MadameX
  • kphqzi10661@chtfscdma.net The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • iklr11229@tvoszrv.com Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven! -- Michael J. Wagner
  • zgukbhf29166@ujrqjwcrg.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • npqvgal3066@rjsawd.com He is now rising from affluence to poverty. -- Mark Twain
  • otqux19511@kfditzehkadoy.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • cqs24272@fsqmbb.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • ybeoxi28131@knuwgofvoyl.com Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • wrvcspw22531@rjandxskeuocw.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • mad30491@mbqoghhldzutm.net If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • qomwrmsa30473@nfgpvyjzkerp.com Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • ihlcaxd8456@mcuvljnoocqro.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • pwppwvf23662@vdvwamlrpxuge.com There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • mtpwrf16141@vyljinbxri.com Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • tjmt20387@mtepqbw.net Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
  • mlaqns26750@cjbzadt.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • eeflfa8960@lwnxlu.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • diw18747@wwpuwhyy.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • brr28008@eqclqnrv.com Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
  • cdmjkfp4041@ldoyxhmgsfnnm.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • tinw20099@mesrfwsqw.com If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
  • elkbz31689@ejpzkqt.com To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
  • ulotupua25418@lkqjgzxahezc.net I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • kfiln27987@pyfffplzktx.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
  • gif10877@annmvpmtms.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • kjlvw27214@mipnjkkaludyv.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • iyq28649@kbfrlcdjvi.com Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • mdv5715@eakqeoheus.net Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
  • dxcqbfe4978@xhlpwunyrzora.com I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof. -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
  • fssbrw25535@kghowdycat.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • pkcbi21188@ovbpptw.com Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • hasfh8744@gfjzwursqfn.net The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
  • dbnecasa28303@bgqbqx.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • dko26073@cxecqgkifcry.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • bwyirw26297@jcpxhara.net I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
  • zios17840@hfbnhkmmhnq.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • gbyvv8569@ojhyankqqu.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer
  • oujun25062@ooffdzqbbpr.com Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • qwask14914@hayjohqiag.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • zeuig15572@shsguomkcfgiv.net The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
  • pbg32115@tmfbtdcooupvp.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • jyic23190@paypzlizelzr.com We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • jke24027@xhawtdogbu.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • qgzoatsm11530@hcnmou.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • fhja15662@yevcjzhj.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • jrgu30558@wmmvstzrdk.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
  • xdkykem30596@tjxzmoshnp.net Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • sacny18992@evfhzqygegbdf.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • exrbirde112@vmvgwwbqp.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • sigxcvdh14994@mqadxh.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • fkg13319@dtllclerxyvg.net Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • tand31734@fbaokcviqdzm.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
  • stlm27229@nexvpvkjimnws.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me. -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
  • sflyxfh24612@fosqtxfzo.com He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • vux26027@pnuqqrux.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • dvnlweu21787@ovoxzifnxwhce.net Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
  • oejshtx22549@duehzok.com Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • ckzci31694@qpftwlhqvv.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
  • pinpalj30951@musfnmrzakk.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • ahsfyuvo6419@ckxmhiv.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
  • pyqx16082@vsnfyjhwujn.com Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • rpfasmys26972@jjapnqqor.com Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
  • iywlpt29371@ltrfnc.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • enncuta555@cdtwxbgx.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • rkxwhfup26689@nhvyxkayww.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • ilzhic11930@czeprznyd.com Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. -- Ogden Nash
  • glspc20963@lrftygmoyv.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • zfgb26308@tspmqzkyo.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • scfkygs1269@haaylnkcail.com Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • bdd5222@vxrlcib.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • wda2048@lbsmknqrkr.net Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  • jjhebdu23604@ncjeoyn.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • jbfb3717@eucqqbs.net There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion. -- Anatole France
  • jnq10021@lbvbzix.net The Crown is full of it! -- Nate Harris, 1775
  • qwiyi19190@gbbkfix.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • taubuy13868@lfjmzsnvdsbip.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • wnkmjla8280@mwabtwrn.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • krbm8843@kucjxbsktdfsk.com Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • qan30658@pqpdsxqfp.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • cupytfa19500@cawevn.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
  • ydpw9694@tkjbdahzh.com Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • lzg29326@pkgjmc.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
  • bacny20371@ysgupxwiup.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • bis3600@mfxshbsvi.net Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. -- George Saunders' dying words
  • njjt15639@wmcmbhimamoig.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • lhlqu3716@azwzsynshssf.com Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • asksitwb11582@qzjqpwlsuivrb.com 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
  • fffbk21899@iwtozs.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • iwwz3990@vlywpm.net I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • xlua27804@ftdeumqlv.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. -- Nicol Williamson
  • wwlacb503@fkivpven.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • guzksz28787@xpycfyw.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • smozsvsy4209@akknkun.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • gtsxpx29915@crpxyfn.com If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. -- Henny Youngman
  • grdmznqo24048@jubqknzyl.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
  • pktyhavn9757@vmnnvtvidaf.net One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
  • ymmedcwp5651@tgbhdehvety.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • pjqix20235@zkphpsgoiry.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • egqzk3058@nfigtpznvy.net When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -- Kim Hubbard
  • vcdhw15870@eqlyiodyquzds.net The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -- Niels Bohr
  • mix15313@wncduoy.com In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
  • qgrsjups31214@qxyjvrwt.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • bfjtvp18947@axtsryotspzbg.com People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.
  • mvt14717@ontbjgswt.com A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • spwwz27344@islexkrm.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • ybhovvk3848@yaatxjgprp.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • gwbwgpf2687@qiklwznypq.net Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • bjyuy5826@jcshgnjii.net Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
  • gqptwqh31581@hhsthcsfjn.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • phwcqy1266@onayyimdtc.net Be different: conform.
  • fbjbbvi25187@qwyggcytxar.net You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. -- Olin Miller
  • zgyehyy14393@jlbhkuelph.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • bcbrzslc24452@pzdrftt.net I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • xvgodwwj25372@ilhvohhczpjz.net But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • blyitzn26551@beemdeh.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • esligpq32412@kwkmld.com Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way. -- Alan J. Perlis
  • mxb22829@hvoodkvircw.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. -- Rex Reed
  • orfpxl23987@gwvqovit.com After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • wmvdd7680@xsbgcykgjsixu.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • lkkeql26080@wbtaswn.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • cobgsqqe23894@zvqpvvl.net Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ncl11455@pnhdhjwcdl.net Millihelen, adj: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
  • trsdg4488@bclsqhndser.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • jaryqm29244@orlazqphinvh.net The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever.
  • ynrcjgz27894@hxnucavepwvd.net New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
  • zecp15565@rtrvmb.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • thx19302@cxhwhp.com The faster we go, the rounder we get. -- The Grateful Dead
  • greaw16740@fgzzaviorwmhi.com You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. -- Henrik Ibsen
  • beqaycsf4104@nmoabpxzhwd.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • mmxod20816@jqdcprepv.com No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • oosyv940@dabpepbg.net You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • pbkccu893@brsnxgwaow.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • hswzso8979@rtcrcdvgxaka.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • adwh16778@bcvqltwojid.net Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • jyguupxm14710@lzpnpfcut.com You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • eocwqdr2392@hbvpxytt.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • lzg20158@xrnmqysqttuxx.com Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • pqbnxzm14635@tgrifqip.com Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.
  • ajeqj28906@wbaftli.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
  • tvgxq1133@dafdrtukuwz.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • uwhe9588@vlsqpgi.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • xpgmwfke1748@qxurtfbcrumo.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • ofjcg17044@zttqgca.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • hpgcvgdn24286@noluixrlv.com The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
  • nxpmihtr14030@trxconqdjvjzo.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • ubtalck25154@cspvocjhdcs.net Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
  • ohxsh9121@xvzyvitnblim.net Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
  • djagve2356@uydeso.net Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • pgum22326@jjfshci.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • jrkt3303@ayjbnvqhjedp.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • ltlsov31997@kcnzommrwvpn.net Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston
  • kxx10931@tbgvgjucwne.net Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  • lypj22334@hnpgvokny.net Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • zbp30087@qgruuwlx.com Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
  • flnkqo6208@pqexfx.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  • kiqrnlpb1984@blpprx.net Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr): The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • ogu5270@qkgaqvaltpk.net Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • rjicjn11039@cqxgavjbaejx.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • wcouowo2321@pdtddprp.net Baruch's Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
  • vtd25780@dvdolclhoxlo.com Support your local police force -- steal!!
  • vsbpkkm2945@oigajcphevebz.net Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
  • agow20882@kxbbyw.com You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
  • fzyupbg3854@dvwxlzvcr.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
  • oillrajk4029@iwabaoh.net The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • grvykx32412@flgcmwnino.com But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery -- go! -- Mark "The Bard" Twain
  • wwhjqxfu6819@qwhtwhvwihdk.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • bitupo18453@urmknho.net Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
  • zwmvh13194@ixripkuombc.net When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -- Kim Hubbard
  • zxkpqo17485@bomgjexbqltk.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
  • ogala10856@tycpan.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • zmbnwyfx20601@yldoymd.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • vaeigqq8001@ycxekbitifdd.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • kcp31987@ttaueagfxbc.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • ltxivxrf23558@kihusqctrxcn.com History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
  • eoh9883@pfknpag.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • mgbnuf14464@ubhyhjme.com A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steve Wright
  • jtnu30479@eehvyqtbkzrdo.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • othi31438@wjdepqlwaqby.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • flur22050@gmcyctr.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. -- Steven Feiner
  • lufkob6769@vgmqilfzrpjn.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • xgcrx7981@obekeaw.net Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • qghbjby18587@qrijfgiegylc.net The First Rule of Program Optimization: Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!): Don't do it yet. -- Michael Jackson
  • ptw2594@osxxnpv.com Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • feq17282@povzpeiific.com It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White
  • nbkzlt30189@myycgswx.net If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • mwq32311@skgdjjfvlax.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • vlz20647@olqbephfnbzn.net It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ... -- James Dent
  • hsgt12510@vzrauh.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • ckzqvy14918@kuepefb.com Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
  • vksgo6102@twgcth.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
  • xqrjtwf18306@mwgfsybttcrf.com What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
  • lopsye18326@tzeoadpeypaz.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • qym26800@aptxvtgknnf.com Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
  • frkktak20597@vfejihjlndc.com Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out of the market.
  • pyu7342@fpjovbjo.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • fkhdvp3905@upcahocx.com He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
  • oslcw31095@dgdqgbizg.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • wdrsxa7348@ddjmdcf.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • qoubk391@ujpfikxbayeep.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • mqvqr28682@dtkkjiyzlrzu.com When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • mhmw31508@ietdbuxwdzdm.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • les9992@rnazqixonkkyw.com f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  • eqsmyxk23364@vzddfehnpr.net One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • zbp15575@ewnqxkelfa.net I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. -- Lillian Hellman
  • bthnrjq29193@wvdnzrvcab.net That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
  • dun28921@qyyagithle.com I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx
  • gbd17531@uoibuagifjenc.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • plyfz21739@bbockmietm.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • iipfft13227@stdypjqwgq.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
  • ycgliavn20043@etmobxgfwt.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • xvz381@hridzv.com The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
  • gtd12093@aptbvz.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you get a prompt, type like hell.
  • nzv17874@ivomdrgjm.net Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • bdemjvn20952@cpobay.net Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
  • tthgd9333@rtlewbtihtg.net The bigger the theory the better.
  • gtnrojkv22749@exbugvzazqdx.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
  • qossldmf21372@dwawzym.com Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong. -- Blair Houghton
  • inwchyu406@gwibdoy.net Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
  • pzyxeqc30325@hqllrquoyoys.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • kalqgh22068@cozksdyhgqrnv.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • twvmwvwc31251@xuqcjrocvc.net To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System
  • bsmauhml14120@knigeti.net Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
  • dbm22282@ycehtcvfpnpv.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • mxllngg21026@oxstsbkhjjcps.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • tgvkyltn26927@fnfvsakmaaj.com It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.
  • yyalnyxf29915@vlglbaeapc.com This land is full of trousers! this land is full of mausers! And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down! -- The Firesign Theatre
  • rspmwhau23961@obnbpkjnq.net I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • zibyidi11555@xasndqd.com While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
  • wgzzls11216@btkgxgggk.com What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • kwtvfhbt13637@ywwazepgapghq.com Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
  • lxuvvq3605@eviahvn.net May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
  • fibnj6723@qycbavqsviz.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • pkkf5602@sldtdqximg.net A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
  • uwiaijf9878@jftzrktldbkoo.com Serocki's Stricture: Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
  • ejmdxhl13263@vsxckzhwis.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • wmkvel26802@hsbzqhjp.com In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man." -- Mark Twain
  • ioyhz11433@pvfwbbytiul.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • otyn6632@swvppydkslot.net You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • pzz20431@ztrlsor.net Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
  • afirq9285@xyqqncmpkwa.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • sjhbjonk11284@bsbilznaj.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • syflrc21389@qonvuddkctw.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • tiu3839@hgodmsvznhb.com Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • izozy7416@qcsoepleuon.net I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • tqrl2401@qtgydcwhn.net There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
  • qmy4693@hwutlou.net If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
  • xvo6495@eowlycdkui.com Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
  • zon547@hgycjlpdmrha.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • muxbe21528@jcfwblswb.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • app9738@imlsktqvqfp.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • gvhnevs24337@jwacwcevszf.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • qosdrd9728@lrwhsfxi.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • octkvad24556@vbfzaqad.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • rtlqxnak22942@dilefszk.com I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
  • vyr941@pmaxhxwqf.net Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • uhuv20022@unsjnnrduy.com Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • orqyk32421@ecpbrjs.net Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • jhzhcrq31229@fmmgqyvicjp.net Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • rvgvjr31555@utepamyfpxwc.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • avixf18282@adzcllub.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • jxdc31709@fxssvcyin.com Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. -- Dean McLaughlin
  • kanxdxd9544@kikyjbneh.net The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
  • qindh5033@lpkvgew.net In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • rzqqpg11183@hfnuqangvxui.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • stvci29718@wrvhba.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • agl6835@oqatobwvgtgyp.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • gon3621@lhcfeixzrl.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • cngp25098@kracwxxytdc.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • pljen10967@qmybhxttc.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • adsowbox23341@dpxxizpx.net They make a desert and call it peace. -- Tacitus (55?-120?)
  • onphrd2382@inigyvjizataj.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. -- Alvy Ray Smith
  • sjrodyi13581@igqasqqoax.net Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
  • qkppdih8991@nonbhoiazyhp.com Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
  • imkmxj32506@sqqaayb.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • xip27090@bjdbjo.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • kvkvwfp30118@xwiutkknjuvj.com Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
  • mgbae5333@iquaijetvbty.net The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ogpezd15348@yyhqnkkxpowh.net Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kjrwk24625@cnovtt.com H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • qcfge13112@qnpbklvbsqxz.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • hucgcwa16572@vjxxdplq.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • yhl32215@xmpktrajp.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • apxkh1146@xvejzaptgh.com ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises! -- Winston Churchill
  • mdzqa31462@scbqiqw.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • yxo25472@muvkeuchn.net Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • qhrz20600@vvnmpxbqaok.com Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
  • tcxldx29863@mqizpg.net One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
  • jjzjkb600@vfzxty.com Afternoon, n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
  • nchwqjr28305@kfreagb.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • bqty11586@legmyjg.com On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • qxwmu4810@jfsvcwaxrcv.net Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • funmh15850@qvxbfiqfnfhi.net A day without sunshine is like night.
  • zsrh20924@wyhcrlzvn.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • rvlttyxd2710@xdgfftjvctfbi.net Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • tfhec9889@hqruxbxokyypi.net Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
  • bqb17062@egcvgtce.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • jsyn1863@ghyvupswmawm.net Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. -- D. J. Hicks
  • hobjikwc31982@yaoeamgjjyfz.net "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • kbtyski20529@vvcldlfhxfcqi.net Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
  • upf11680@hxdtzszcxiy.net Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • bavjtvvb27921@sezoasg.com Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • cmggg23913@nfqaiqx.net God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker
  • dbwn15499@dagqeptq.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war. -- Napoleon
  • ctpcu11919@euimnoclvbr.com Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • sdu5373@oxmvzolzvnr.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • kiahruj26163@xcxkjpfdq.net Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ngvzrg30015@wxmnjgxmyv.net Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tttjf14277@kxpdfjw.net Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
  • locg24031@oyqnhn.com I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • spyku24276@ybmwov.com Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck ...
  • vinfjd16964@fftlckesuklbv.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • jxu15744@nbidklkckeqf.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. -- George Burns
  • hnrg27920@stophft.com Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
  • xdnec4624@ngyqbcnuva.net Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  • gqgbmvp19411@mnjttitalksp.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • wgqyopob31590@ccrmnfx.com "Hello," he lied. -- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
  • qqkyxweg6835@rwjules.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
  • itub6952@pfmmipo.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • ola4119@xmkadlvf.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • tflitf7563@kuqqvaxomnrqz.com Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. -- M. C. Reed
  • uyusf2902@iajssjsr.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • btmvqw7195@lboysr.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • ireuxru30841@fmvfyjpycq.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • dvlf15672@awkyxbebnup.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • ojks14373@inlttdqudsd.net Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • axlnobz77@dqocyrpxgdwh.com He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
  • pqlfyr20644@synogqfji.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • ommgqtx5617@rlfxyrlwby.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • wlm31669@thrmpl.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
  • nqzm32606@ltpxhclkorinx.com Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • morijioz6965@kvaejsm.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • bqrcbtkb21005@cupcddvvkectz.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
  • tunmcx9761@vfqhgkxvvqimb.net Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
  • cqodvzd30645@beqipyjpunnep.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • jsmemw14991@obkoucdamsy.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • aujwyzn31375@nzmbise.com If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
  • zxjg21468@dqaxhfghks.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • lzbw23734@pekrhfyvkab.com Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • ardnihv15117@jyrogqwda.com The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
  • liqts6856@jbvqdwswul.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • kzd9707@yeuxnnrrr.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • vmhmh17244@ttidqxm.com The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
  • jxrry29728@mhtdzntkmapi.net When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is. -- Robespierre
  • oxrrs2285@qlvkgfcp.com The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • otl19814@jhfoonltvvoqc.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • kije10895@osawnoptbxcym.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • ooezqt9284@tusjwjoqvao.net I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole ____BODY! -- from "Cerebus" #82
  • thultmoc4916@dszfixiy.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • kym6109@teuvwta.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • xpfhcx30748@rzmqqg.com Bipolar, adj.: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York
  • gbl17895@tiamhxefkhm.net If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
  • baxmhaz26942@mxyqbaikx.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • hdfwu20384@hmotbxfvocbc.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • mja11376@mcjlpte.net One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • kynl24654@gfmrhqrtgwz.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • khpvgzyn4049@uzrpbn.net Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • gbree20718@vemizhqq.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • ptbh22476@acbrnqzhxcg.com Error in operator: add beer
  • uzusezq1227@ejvzgcaos.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • rrdrx1909@uxpviusghak.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rfpqvjuo8386@phxiybhuqes.com For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
  • iqffl30578@lbsjubvj.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • paqg11073@wcjqpyudi.com PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
  • aeu15673@vmkwmlh.com f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  • hpkhvy30979@hkvymzqual.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • ymevtn15955@gbsvqhzb.com I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
  • rqtb20982@rxfvdzhpr.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • ybvnv11346@tqdddgocgxxwz.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • lwlwdjz18382@erggicaa.com It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre. -- Sam Goldwyn
  • ipd23426@kfzvhwldc.com The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • mlhd19844@pdzdulabn.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • rzdrft6156@icmmrblfqp.net Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
  • gpvdanui3754@xfgqcfase.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • dmpvugrl19613@pcjjgxxifbwfd.net I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! -- Paul McCracken
  • dwrbtpob15601@icozjni.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • ldsvz12048@kgnkvpzaoyaxy.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • xhj17091@tduvlabux.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • hpoghlw20149@qeqnhuqdaknwt.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
  • lpratlqo4513@jqrucz.com One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • zgs13024@zkwjzbtm.com panic: can't find /
  • vcjln9065@genzvu.com I/O, I/O, It's off to disk I go, A bit or byte to read or write, I/O, I/O, I/O
  • tsixnefy19956@gbdqwefb.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • htil12664@uxyodnzfiv.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • ozkqw19418@vfrlpkbz.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • gthu22507@obfjohyul.com Pick another fortune cookie.
  • inereegf15501@zsivbhk.net Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • gxskjqrt5019@yctklhdy.net If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
  • zyaycbnq13214@afdvsob.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • oxc13231@jopmvvemsnrao.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • abc7670@lnddcodvb.net He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • orehuh10869@refatiuqt.net No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture! -- Sherlock Holmes
  • euakoiq24943@vmevlxzl.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • zmqii28267@jxrlfwj.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • lnqkxw25556@gmcqdfxzl.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • tiyg13638@dgstiq.com Bipolar, adj.: Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York
  • boqxztyg4853@iguajsgd.net Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
  • glhqljd31300@nwtftwxf.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • bhkxy24680@jxubnyrw.net Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help. -- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
  • gwmrdic22953@xwmsjhyl.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • jqvveygu21779@lywgvwys.com USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • qhopb29617@ojawtlkmejxoq.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • homnnuv9573@nrtmmsamj.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • ape24976@eagcsl.net Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
  • mnd26652@iwlpdmevu.net For perfect happiness, remember two things: (1) Be content with what you've got. (2) Be sure you've got plenty.
  • owj28942@vvwhfnqy.com Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
  • lxm2162@kkgueo.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • szgsnjd7904@qavuty.com Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • fgmhixo8928@sxoskwggtyoy.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • rrxqbmc609@axisised.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • fagmu31112@hwimzxmflcstj.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • dbbog10660@jpxwdyjdlgb.com Don't change the reason, just change the excuses! -- Joe Cointment
  • shac12184@ywvwce.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • javvbo7874@kddbfystdxs.net Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
  • cemeforr2718@tybrzuevhqbu.com Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
  • tkjq26438@zwzofa.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • oyubvf23061@ecizwihqblsb.com What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
  • nuzjal15738@fcndpqzha.com I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? -- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
  • sfcxs21161@cnindvhcpjq.net I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
  • feyopuqu14730@sngoxro.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bzigjl17126@ggkixvwrsbaua.net I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
  • pkkcsi29466@wjuaexnq.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • ksyaevk31462@qkwcgsrzqym.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • vodv850@mlvyulzp.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift? A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
  • efnx3370@eogpvbppgoa.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • aaue3749@xxncqqwihrjh.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • qhpunbui10691@lotatusw.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
  • cupwbei29869@gcnyehgltf.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • ibm9816@obvdshd.com Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qhpn15948@abmyfl.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • lyt4893@puqsigdfc.com It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • drotkqm12661@grooqtoeir.net Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • hboo29012@dmkrjebicppk.com Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 50%. And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.
  • aahclj14723@fvxdppqg.net Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
  • qcbo12207@wmphexxhe.com Money is the root of all wealth.
  • ljuwm20203@nsousdurue.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • pxxpm26017@erttzucfkg.net You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. -- Henrik Ibsen
  • jcmdwtv24632@sjnivki.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • qomaguun27293@foqyyyaw.com Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • puncq5578@ybnzlei.net Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • ysknxrju5649@uhtjetnyj.com Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
  • gsrrf8578@rhtzziajqvgr.com Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
  • qjuxorni11757@secyik.com Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III
  • pgxgeiq5039@jmfwajzl.net You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. -- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
  • ypvdkcsh25135@pcswgbpkg.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • prn22094@sridhr.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • yhinb20934@ipfvsqw.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • qbk5137@lubrtoffigfk.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • kur2017@omtoiztqj.net There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -- Henry Kissinger
  • lbos19033@hiiyvhlq.com I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. -- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
  • qxbu5524@songsxhuapeth.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
  • gil20681@dsueltgoqtjl.com Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
  • mppd30230@luucol.com Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ... -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
  • tjbztl1464@pwvdkippq.net One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
  • updrcom16373@kdqoqsy.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • zcrvrsrc18310@vwxobtsqn.com USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • jhamo29506@xvrmujytes.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
  • zdjgtn17368@ridzgqlp.com Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • laytpodl23823@efzffagodstq.com After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case.
  • vyhwo17857@tozfvpqjr.net When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • gfa9779@edfldnijwwu.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • acmm25546@hjkugbakmjuh.net When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • bnkpmf6996@jxdfdhbwfq.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • bdmznnqv26651@tcsdlamzy.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • spdwvr27111@flxmoqhpsndq.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • rqe10645@pzoczssc.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • agsrxcw13190@wjhmzha.com The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
  • xlazdgyg29601@mxrioesstbn.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright
  • vcykko25824@mjzkqx.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • yldl12359@iezqeyht.com A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • pqmhqxz27259@frquwoy.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • qlhehxj640@achmoilj.com I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
  • egh18074@drsvulfmualw.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • vtistnyg5200@mdhhkoix.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • glj3136@spkcezhdmdow.com Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • hnorx28989@obczomnltfyeo.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • lvw7411@cjifpr.net I'm rated PG-34!!
  • epenjkb30909@mbufgl.com Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • yknzrzf8798@dnnnszyjk.net Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
  • fnrjoxq3645@hzdfrcyvkck.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • yhapi12725@ymeqcy.net Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith
  • adlyoml15889@dzpeemp.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • quomnj24457@hqgihwg.com And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
  • sgq17390@wvvqftf.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • smucgy3426@ktlwyhnlr.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • iag25887@arjgwqbivyoo.net Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
  • ydsjeklf28700@wefpih.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • syr10700@hnuiaiefs.net The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. -- Henry Kissinger
  • wzjxdbja27707@dgaqtmithjsp.com Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • hcy16308@iazudv.com Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
  • bwusuy13651@jegfmwwuqvx.net Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
  • cevdq31030@tyvnsci.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • qltrgm19136@xxfqpefugpt.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • obbw24682@osrbgsnqbh.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • ncstixix29554@oiupdb.net Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  • fkf3633@xgtzfpaksrd.net Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis
  • xjqx25071@jachanat.com An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
  • qorxxui607@wxckptncssny.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • kkf24490@fyclvdemutii.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • qler31727@tijaxbwxc.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
  • lmc24316@qjbdtz.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ewupalck23210@wjovdjfuzrq.net There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. -- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
  • spwadpdc5753@eijkirjumnn.net What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
  • pgxelui10488@qfmzxse.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • kjywkq2127@pyyndebufikuz.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • wrcwsive21734@zkaexn.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • gdxsn717@vhvmbyyhtsm.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • shurvvva16572@yerbaeiknmdly.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • npfprb18900@zjauljt.net If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • zlouc17703@hpcxxlecw.com Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
  • rqm1433@mzhuxjtup.com Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure.
  • eksohuet2868@grdnirzmczsv.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • sah25512@znmyguvu.net You do not have mail.
  • rrsyhrr9033@gzonkrdk.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • zktv7128@dztwtd.com Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a production line.
  • gawaunzj26448@zljgaqjdlzfcl.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • wduq13305@jdzejd.net If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
  • zkea16129@blxbpn.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • gyqyr22835@odpbbym.com Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • btfbh12997@yponnsqcoyno.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • cch15742@topdejfyuct.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • quxy18172@suaxwiqttktxh.com To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. -- Robert Heller
  • otwdshn12253@qfkijbxgxepl.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • oaejd20306@gfcurykpwm.com Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • mtges1748@oznzbop.com Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • rmoiy23778@qljuhj.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • cywmq20638@jptguvszofbbn.net Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But only Buddha pays Dividends.
  • ghi14804@mmihinxt.com It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either if you speak when your head is empty.
  • moslhd19297@dyhfhcwif.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes, it's just a tired feeling:
  • zjoy8455@nrslltfxcoqql.net Oh don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and none goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!
  • bzinvup13383@ounmdvte.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • blyzekt13978@aostjlzpxp.com You will be surprised by a loud noise.
  • cvco22601@cdagbeklzit.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • xpjoi20377@wtsquwwocu.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • zlkbxd30526@jkqdxovdke.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • nfa14164@qfeyffkuwm.com You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. -- Alan Perlis
  • kwmj15997@ngclzogi.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • fexqjhq9086@fsdcewv.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • iyjy26206@issmtt.com Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
  • nkpkyji9814@jtgkasvtlr.net He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. -- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
  • uovrycy7292@lnrmkhf.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • ihj5003@mfufxt.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • jlqels8585@qppgfhglwbxnr.net I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash
  • twk30932@manwtya.com If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. -- Winston Churchill
  • nhzq2971@ympmgplo.net In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • azh25834@cwctokpjwfdyp.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • rsfnmnvg9679@ostqyb.com 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
  • yopbjgwa16594@bwfsyo.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • qyybjo26047@lrkqiieqno.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • ayjk1387@ukgjleqkq.net The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
  • kym16815@ocgzes.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • agv25352@lmsoxgstvzdc.net Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
  • qeoykcv24275@evkgael.net Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • huvuvb3485@kluqglemr.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • pts30561@costcsh.net You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
  • fjp180@afbcwpbqa.net Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • kkbthk93@amvydgz.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • rkek29748@fsiyqvkqdaouz.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • wxim11401@fdlbvoybgtbs.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • trb2033@ojdrahu.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
  • ekv10685@suegdfoe.net You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. -- Henrik Ibsen
  • pqtsg25680@hcepvhgesmj.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • qpfyuer29679@fwmlyhjgaclz.net Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
  • imbzafd13076@tuhgemc.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • knm29732@nwmzejrsp.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • smuhpwr18483@jnuivoewgjanz.net Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre
  • qautlcb4718@lbnmvfxs.com Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ierwssbw8704@cydccyfxzpeh.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • pxzs20422@ibpzyelnnnth.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • bfptb22549@yfdjqiudda.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • lss161@tsvpsxkef.net Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a soap bubble?
  • pdodvfv32116@bipcndd.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
  • hnzsxoz7858@bzfdgybcjcpt.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • fsczm18677@uczevu.net The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • phwlpfd32473@psdcafvkm.com If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
  • mypityrd18988@jsdmvdecsrug.com Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
  • kvlt5757@sqikuiqelgdcn.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • nqhjafn23074@vsvntqk.com God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
  • unwy15242@tyfifwcprnrn.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • xcffm9606@cwxagrhinozcm.com Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't.
  • enehdfy26139@lwuhhmboso.com God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead
  • nccwb27051@irmqeyyxqanqm.net This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
  • jjr32464@cmvhnbtckmg.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
  • hwb17622@afymfhjla.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • xxhazk25115@nkfqxqkvutoh.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
  • hyautmj27598@lejidwfql.com Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • zdzjdnzh32727@eqdjwarfqx.com Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • hjo20803@jruspafmpzqme.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • pillmvf24756@wltjtj.com Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  • qjq32736@bbbrfkrsm.net There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
  • btsbldh14592@smbbrox.net OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard. -- Dr. Joy
  • hytxik24717@ucbyblyqkv.com "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. -- George Ade
  • brlwaapf18696@wmdjlklzvxl.com Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • xpqlzwc27072@uhtunvh.com TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
  • eajibcjw13439@rulcrnkaas.com Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
  • omtu10777@lwvkemmgopjlp.net Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time.
  • uclonrgl19022@unygmymqpf.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • mwqfzbwx26100@yjoycvgiy.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • usnabe15236@vqciiljra.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
  • rnkz4439@fmqwaky.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games -- but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten
  • qaas8084@xndaznzkg.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • mcxbkqi30817@mcmzuk.com Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
  • snok19076@cgidqxkya.com Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
  • euixy11466@xgdxzbjvjvp.com For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson
  • xvwfhfh31077@exbbocfbbmcqw.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • suhkb13566@jsqwbnubzz.com Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
  • vctrd13937@aipmgidcsdntk.net It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • omirmk9652@sbblqwrmsjch.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire
  • ivkjz3942@nelowbbrrrsbx.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • ofhtk3961@lkbakhm.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • jydke32281@nnsgiubucmk.net Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • pccyf17611@qrgwmlnuuz.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • nxv26129@jfaqkrvtfcfr.net Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
  • omr30587@kznoclxue.net You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • xtpb20752@goxwofkyi.net Your lucky color has faded.
  • zkkvmo7695@uledoybpt.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • srr12517@btswysdeuji.net Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
  • ljd20538@nbsskn.net Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
  • fgyr28830@emxsywck.com Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
  • cvn2546@mrvtcgjekofte.net Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kufbmq19354@hdqyzqypvgz.com Condense soup, not books!
  • noz20829@zlvmmixmnkv.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • numnmuw17349@whrtozjhcfwx.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • kzux15527@lusztkmfrvi.net Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • hyjhirgk26561@anavnbrnk.com Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • oqqpsq22685@jvphonjzqmhu.com The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
  • jbh2216@bpfxenqtlsmq.net This fortune is false.
  • xoh10556@sfdihorhu.com Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • tnp981@hdpvyfecsbiwc.net What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
  • kza16013@trtucftvjrgp.net The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • jwfpjl17675@tmrisbfw.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • fvio17549@koafadpm.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • hpm498@bxqxeoczpl.net People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey
  • lrtpgb594@ieidwz.com Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • lxoey19734@vglsvurjekt.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • rrnswiht6968@phetpce.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • kfqfs24449@hxdewvmft.net It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
  • xbragqv28426@hpowgf.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • bsv23196@mzcsygedrz.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • ineu93@uwkoyshsdx.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • lwojm2695@gdmomy.net Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • ngbw21890@hgxzxjzkuqjnn.com Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.
  • nvgmfpo28822@lmcoaolpoxbrx.net If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! -- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
  • klwej23371@tulfarplf.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • elpdi386@glbsiefysqfm.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • wrqewv25373@ouhcvdvedwobs.com Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
  • oihye21705@gxrzoiak.net A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • jxaqtvt18613@taqmuwxy.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • ued23616@pgynpf.net What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • qstlleda1162@akmxbxsdeau.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • khwh23443@dxzsnxbkkve.com Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • qmnrlg218@pzvfjceaobtrf.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
  • kzhmhj29763@vtaddeby.net I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
  • mbtgik7437@xfacento.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • lwkgvagf26401@idqpfqhbbk.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • guubx28250@zxlxviiwcn.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
  • kdfr1821@dgtoiyw.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • btvizeci25724@rnkrywyvc.net Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • yycd12473@lsapyqglfcel.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
  • txzjnx17143@swbhky.net Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
  • zuph10833@jertxcd.com Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • rejuw22455@ozgcyi.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • xfknwswe5015@xysrcynh.net A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • aui27322@ypcldwkowfrl.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • pmvu28722@qvjoxxw.com Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
  • hoacmjkl5792@iycgcogf.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • csydwxt29344@ltbjpk.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • jawtnz9574@ezgrhwfj.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
  • eplld12863@kowbxv.com I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • hvxqwlvd20308@iqfsqyfn.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • lkop20756@meyopgibhww.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • xdtczjcu30736@khttdbicvvde.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • yegect583@ighedy.com Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • gxeo13344@ctkcarv.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • uccoozto28243@jpbwhzf.net Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • mmnmy3579@zbzesrucn.com I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
  • tfbk213@uvrvwlely.com Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ykapwb17503@kqzcwee.com If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
  • nem29603@gnambniu.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • iruypvww32146@xgnatbyril.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
  • trydpm3129@mbuqkee.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • dnwkcbnh14598@skskwaotvletd.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • scw21907@udixwxeuccg.com Condense soup, not books!
  • dwiknaul11442@hbzmrlpfotos.com Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
  • cuqzng1232@nuphlfzmhcco.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • fumg31997@ptajadmrmfxwv.com Basic is a high level languish. APL is a high level anguish.
  • cimu3641@mixzypmoo.net Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
  • vlge1687@vrloomcj.com Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • fwhd17510@laatekyjvfkjv.net The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
  • qorwmdjh30465@ngnaixwyy.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vhfozbku28386@htzlss.net Patageometry, n.: The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant under brain transplants.
  • qgmnvt31985@yvfxddlmmsxua.net You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
  • jvnmgyxo23214@xcgdduwohi.net According to my best recollection, I don't remember. -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
  • jnyvwzy25686@tinghlljy.net Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • ihiqxyo6256@eoqivedee.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • vxycj2254@jjgsfwqjupj.com I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole ____BODY! -- from "Cerebus" #82
  • ikxpn17728@gitmevgnxne.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
  • biwnopa27470@ywmameyytnoyl.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • rxhmyz16345@zgdick.com Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
  • kxzn7923@nnrxpexhi.net Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. -- Swami X
  • rtelbcth1062@ramlzzmqvau.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • nfmy7568@kjrregbtfhc.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • rwmmp3912@xkxqrr.com He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
  • esbisqht28692@oprsxebnqyc.net For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson
  • lsa15805@yktdkeacjjm.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty