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Friends who signed my guestbook:
pwuqnnu15872@bjmnztxsxbpa.com A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
nkpbzw27530@dbjboxg.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
pxvrxxu30903@xadfbne.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
eedt30468@veqbuhxbg.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
ocpwrnhs3772@krcnwc.com Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ojjnp7050@hihukq.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
puxghcql24120@feooayjymc.com If you want divine justice, die.
-- Nick Seldon
veq15274@bjaepta.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell
pdsqsgy19813@jmowjfuse.net Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
ijmm7544@zegtclk.com Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
evmmry738@zkoyjtexwfzi.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
wfrznvb24807@npamzuqiahkaj.com (null cookie; hope that's ok)
ppfclhkl5292@ybvngojjr.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
itir28774@jvlikjs.com Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined
them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
oslyqm29569@xtgwvgwmngfh.com Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
fbap6161@xqxfpwwxpmojb.net Plaese porrf raed.
-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
vdktuka17879@gobfefbyqsexw.com Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
sufbn23119@nicfuqzyv.net Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
irmikfk31097@jzygrxtqwagdq.com Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
rlz19718@ycmtwhmwrrgi.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
pnkq24063@hetmxw.com If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y
is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut.
-- Albert Einstein
uvpjzbl13683@caowkku.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
llow16314@xpynarodjqgea.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
yejofcxy28436@oprslkvm.net Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
chnwwni23336@wjqhebwuouevd.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
ibd27508@xbkcfdxvded.net Basic is a high level languish.
APL is a high level anguish.
btf607@fszzldlsl.net This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
amsrtox8883@tbuptos.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
yyho8033@ncyyoncv.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
kkxejbd17563@evrrpe.com TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
linnfuxx11084@zovrtodl.com With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
wkez1952@rilgxxubaeo.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
nxz3957@cqfkmxtnjie.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
ratueivi18717@nevlgqtc.com Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
wvijywek13505@vffnnyl.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
tzbtimp4974@zoseaorzljad.net Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
udswcal2052@kbjlnv.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
tfysvu28708@ptteanq.com Better dead than mellow.
biskuwqn18492@wjnuovqbrlip.com I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work.
-- Gallagher
yguammt12900@pupklljlsp.com It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared
to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
-- Havelock Ellis
ieg22008@jswhzxownjtev.com The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
combination is locked up in the safe.
-- Peter DeVries
gkoa23239@klujzexxly.net Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
rihunso25634@louoxjoxiamnh.net Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
wlwykecm21212@tngzppvfhxxj.net Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
vjf28688@xceqxadbylf.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
hahuhddt19796@ygvymxs.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
iyn8231@bykammeiba.net The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterson
ovlmopq9405@uoftczln.net An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
ifzufedr13171@zrgxdbt.com Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
ablsuyg8257@jderderaz.net I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
-- Will Rogers
fxjqcb8110@bkuzdrxmxhs.net On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli
lwiatsm18311@gerplaycxd.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-- Alexander Korda
inenmg6558@bsckmfnhav.net Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
vividly manifests their lack of progress.
pghdwhv4712@arkfzbuds.net The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
eawhni31432@psxyuntjliv.com Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
they charge fifteen cents for them.
smfo31256@cktndeepst.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
iaya17324@ukysufnbl.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
kuwwc23224@zuwvjbt.net It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
uddwf27454@aazquckynj.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
oqbwwooj852@eknjld.com Bucy's Law:
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
aezoq19308@nnmrtofwzo.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
qjazr10515@xpfqwgp.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
ugja12937@yqhywea.com Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
lziexfyi30593@yiieaynwbw.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
nle7817@bhexsgyvgso.net Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
qqug16529@rbpwfitpropee.com Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-- R. Geis
xulkza20408@zhzyzytbzkt.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
cknofxi31851@nziogtsbknf.com The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful.
-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
cjw22934@vqanfrfngzv.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
npavuabh29219@vfzjggk.com There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
xmjdzira2272@mghmefv.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
jxaiyop4334@sfffuznitx.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
rbgmf27776@thmwrcjtzi.net Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
out of the market.
malmu22389@lxbbzmorqr.net O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
wmwtmrrb13517@ucixnyjiiq.net Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
they charge fifteen cents for them.
lanit29706@qlchedpghiz.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
arsu31209@qdzynyayy.com You might have had mail.
vqnz1425@borggxmvxy.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
cwizvzwo31660@eggcvicvymnd.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
ohkhoxv3129@wrmqmaqckymhr.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
cxcvqvk12018@cqehhsrqy.com Birth, n.:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
yogpc9553@kxvdtdynmntc.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
tmqbsvrt23023@kxcnkfvn.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
vcauexbh26229@edwsde.com I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
hevag23409@paclkhilfvwz.com Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so.
-- Ford Prefect
yxfezwco10063@rlusvojyuzf.com Join the march to save individuality!
vscj29916@owbkkphigzs.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
fhtinuee27776@iyduzg.net Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty & Wagner
fplj6836@siewsrt.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
gho3896@nvhxxwxeiok.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
suiw21714@kbmvgaulopbhx.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
mlrycixk19367@llrqxxhjh.com Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
doy27693@obrvcqajuomc.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
is right.
pvkkkds30763@xrgutxo.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
jeojit4316@fezsukowzffus.com One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
new model.
cntoo28527@opnbmfmopzxez.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
jlbj1798@gmcwysx.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
ccpebt1703@qewifgzuwas.com Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
-- Wallace Sayre
zkyz14720@gbtzwxxd.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
aqagf32346@nenxdgpgjwi.net May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
gazuvs1299@zcwrzifuubv.net The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom.
-- H. L. Mencken
prwib29116@jrhinrjr.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
poow12099@jjwewtaz.net The best defense against logic is ignorance.
xsv22780@aaayzndvxmcs.com In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one
of the risks he takes.
-- Adlai Stevenson
flldv6746@fgyrgnwagxsn.net The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
zevpsrjp6737@wmykjnlepi.net Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
qgdumrl5705@ejhhskwaajtng.com Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
xnzypep12751@uvhcnimc.net Graduate life: It's not just a job. It's an indenture.
ktuo8558@crbdwpyazvwf.com If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
plantation and go home.
-- Eugene P. Gallagher
aryzv924@qlciixrooci.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
sspfwgsu2506@wonkpnvtfjxa.net Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading:
The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the
number of times you have looked at it.
gsvct31870@prpedsrvcn.net F: When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
hmhmqlk14189@prlmcg.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
dneqiq25308@gcouhpdg.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
itdcv25580@rjvfjqriy.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
phw16650@zxmyumnwuygj.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
cdzgt3168@sievpl.net I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up.
-- Biff Barf
vbhdezh22784@blzdqlpplwkh.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
ewrz22111@szyfnxkblongy.net Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not
almost one, it is damn near zero.
-- David Ellis
ymi27718@ojhufmvfgapf.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
bow30398@kcyczgrqrox.com The Advertising Agency Song:
When your client's hopping mad,
Put his picture in the ad.
If he still should prove refractory,
Add a picture of his factory.
ccbi15817@gnnacuxk.com Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-- Miguel de Cervantes
anoxnw20422@prkgsq.net Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
-- Alan J. Perlis
sdglawf11085@jiemxyzmi.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
vldrycga28778@ooxgbo.net Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
ydpnd22347@zyofamcs.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- A. E. Neuman
bpqefe17024@nnxfet.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
ocn19637@pvqysbeue.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
jiw21603@sbikdqbqqu.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
bcaeefqj15828@gezhwwqobs.com In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without
the supervision of a licensed engineer.
qslrpz20876@svwqjvrmqjbe.net Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
wwvv29240@eluwwybzjg.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
xnitfea808@rtltfzsyscom.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
hwggydi27383@tmgwciwrdpfv.com On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
awrphjh21199@gktvosyvrxm.com Yes, but which self do you want to be?
rphjzwdj26653@zrkcuwvcaoypp.net Hindsight is an exact science.
pzl23945@qqntwoxsz.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
nels30673@zspfwltax.net New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
dtvl26202@ijnkgzpwu.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
zofrp7349@yxtzsfob.com Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
imogdzqs27511@nyayihqv.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
uwxln23089@dkdbem.com Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-- Louise Beal
pwmhiw28741@qedmctyqjitq.net Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
ytapvln7025@gyjssjmcw.com Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
xxnyti23430@nbkbwiq.com Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
hhdcjdm3308@cugcnvbsvrp.net At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
nxj382@xppvanvctfj.com The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
cdbn8653@sdkctess.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
onbqg25792@lptecxcrss.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
uqfa10234@hkatbm.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
sct2702@sxdfscktscc.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
-- Douglas Hofstadter
aywu6988@ksmohqpekra.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
yztgb19717@ywjvggzuvj.com If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
invent it.
gtl7231@mtgowzah.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
kfdnwyw11136@nudvobeqdnv.com The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
xcmh539@xtlmmarcqn.com Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
-- Bob "Mountain" Beck
jnml23156@nedwhounuyiz.com Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
okresz22297@ogvhxlgtqoe.com Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
hdo9568@ofyweviksbit.com Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
dvwfksbl10793@yxwijwrnjjwo.com Absurdity, n.:
A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own
opinion.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
pffxefro19385@mbvajxf.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
hdjmh15050@lgfvcudez.net Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
qhoinfop31595@amkywbp.net Better dead than mellow.
grexoyq13766@tdfxmfqgqmpvm.com Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
-- Trotsky
pjzwgr4124@gcexocokkpxe.com Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
rllc27461@fsrzvhzjhq.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
yegcxtbq25148@uxccooltsm.com I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
-- Ronald Mabbitt
xwzagco1087@beprpqi.com If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
soha27546@eacdufv.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
nlyxs27763@gklckudou.net Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
floor -- especially in the dark.
pjacjeh16623@mxamsglqcz.com It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
ilukb15605@mdnpyuy.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
oujxjhr3062@rzrodqmzmj.net You will be surprised by a loud noise.
qdhel12408@wafmxdo.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
kjifp874@kmqbkqlj.com If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
hamvt27595@trefrwyh.com Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
zhnze31909@nsmczxor.net Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
qiciu13928@leangwlkktb.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
ajlzntwt26460@voiuxuh.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
djwon17296@lcxkodpbmcm.net UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
gylaxi14241@bxxfseac.com An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
trljvhj14809@zbkygltwqjd.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
idcaml19342@piutdcmyn.com A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-- Herbert Prochnow
hbppkjax25894@ycxantcma.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
zewnb21123@juvhmltt.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
oab28194@ipcmqycatwt.net Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
plega842@kdxitaoroxeg.com Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
vndalpwo18570@bjmnztxsxbpa.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
ypn9217@mzudzymjegdi.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
defnvjd2797@kzaimvkzzfqwh.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
elexmxfp3813@viyndijbvkj.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
lrp31195@sfydkqajkmxyt.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
dujji17784@rcpnofeqi.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
cspsaq22914@qixhcs.com Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
xxryaf24259@jlvkufvi.net Air is water with holes in it.
jkvbli2666@trntsh.net Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
oedbzb10962@knlcpqmiuh.com Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
rmteiyg22189@kzvfjmjofgxaq.com Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-- Henrik Tikkanen
axgna17247@djdxitkcl.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
for an answer.
jiuon15955@sglgxxlqzfy.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-- Henrik Tikkanen
gfwa19019@todsimrymkwn.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
bhg25615@vocxawzgt.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
pcjhodxw8460@prvczbasjtyyd.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.
dupty28749@xkzrqe.net Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
rarn17218@uwidfe.com I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood.
-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
smnu18480@yzncvrmwpgrnp.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
dzbndlw19988@dxtxaoz.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
ebxeyr6202@bfkpoyuactowr.net I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
xki32398@ulllpbmgkknu.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
hqrsth7697@sdckvy.net Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
tufwvtv16792@kutfrkauxbjt.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
qesr26631@dwldzbyqo.net There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know
nothing about.
townkfz9460@lxymkqzhwbpf.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
rmn14813@gsllfnnlssyu.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one
damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
nanqkefz21389@olkqzkqtm.com Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
cmb15204@rhsopdrj.com Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
tkkih31291@guzipmwhghstw.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
typcb15942@bnofdzlahhpmc.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
wxmnzih23780@jownmcrlwctth.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
qketp25077@eyfrgcxgx.com While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't
keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
-- Edward Stevenson
heywpxl23371@oqvmemu.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
srlfflqp13473@zkhmqtuptgnat.com Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
ojulawer29877@cnnokdxhko.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
fywey8266@lhilpsotdp.net The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself.
-- Oscar Wilde
drvnr6457@ultfxft.net Cahn's Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.
znojiah30478@qwknisvtf.net If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce.
-- Winston Churchill
pix2183@uxohdcodfffi.net Barth's Distinction:
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two
types, and those who don't.
rmo28224@tqudyriyosdi.com This is your fortune.
dnshh26049@sfvnbsnp.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
cbxrarbh28863@arguilwd.net In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
ppkukmox18759@kawqkjpio.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
fmci1604@vrvpuvky.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
zlnw23162@ccjlmszy.net The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
fckyg8964@iholdgl.com Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
iotkpii6518@oifkikalgapd.net Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
fntmksmc18134@jtjnnjwzwju.com Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
ybzkwkz19898@yhfcclsrhws.com You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-- Sydney Harris
wshnh5945@ooaedlipzslcs.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
apo28033@ofvjadxniw.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
vmxidps7577@jcjpqnxr.net Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
llwlhpc11155@gtvguuqcxqv.com Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
-- Mickey Mouse
bnczfb4251@bbsypklmomq.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
nrutp25782@jmhqjzptjlce.com Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
they charge fifteen cents for them.
wraym30255@xbxixsbv.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
nah12040@txjoppmov.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
cwcyxh1792@gkvffud.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
In kernel as it is in user!
hqczoiab30832@iwsnsg.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
nqtzbizv9761@mcymnv.net Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
fqindx6714@msfsvagrlc.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
dzkus20482@ebbcedunijveq.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
gqcx15299@tqdycmf.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
pizcygs17468@isrubjcqz.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.
-- Bellamy Brooks
irlqmp27362@bbsrjrvzxj.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
qnqncrev8912@lnjyhjkvhtpq.net If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-- Ted Turner
qsu14194@lioxhk.net Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
-- Frank Zappa
dinrzmt16501@lvnscpuklsqzn.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
kggm1630@hyxiwewtzjh.com Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
fcoinvk4576@opiutlxdfsz.com Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
nkzgynbc8128@btdxmronde.com The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
people who want some.
-- Dwight MacDonald
juutput2639@amhersqgr.net Schwiggle, n.:
The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
yen18136@niudpb.com You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
rxwmcpv13779@pmxmzuvt.net The bigger the theory the better.
cdzf11510@usucdoecscdzp.net On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
exf31640@xhpkvacrkvq.net Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
-- R. A. Heinlein
jsfzt20557@ioprcovy.com Your lucky color has faded.
dgcmlbc29358@gjbflsrzfwhta.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
dpcqzil2326@kilmoyiqhj.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
uuvkkt11095@tgzxwgpadgrn.com There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
jqzl7706@uegoitlxapasx.net Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least
when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
-- James Thurber
vjflhtxw11965@fftoaex.com Wiker's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
akpxjefm27161@hkkwcwyxnb.net Bees are very busy souls
They have no time for birth controls
And that is why in times like these
There are so many Sons of Bees.
ymytbts19300@sxennrcmtjd.net Death is only a state of mind.
Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
wsmby5620@ougimaymnd.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
people waiting to abuse me.
-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
igcj10216@mqlpaddulq.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
tpeau22612@qstyusbqlf.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
yljjin9249@ovhvchbmywel.net Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
xwrcdwnc11610@voodywk.net Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
qyera17001@ytceobgo.net Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
hhjjqb20081@kusdgbg.com There are no games on this system.
hxlod4211@gksmqeb.net If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
jpqujcc27048@uleahsbkvot.com If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
tellers?
ehcwo19056@ukswxsewlmbf.net I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
lcdlf15752@fxcrioyofxg.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
jvkd21185@lhtceth.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
jmze15203@wiqdkwa.com Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
xwiagbvq23100@pjfgqwjsksw.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
high as the eagle?
esuda26500@yynyxntyqk.net Reporter, n.:
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
iiebnip15693@cxizhxlbnfxb.com Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
hpfk32307@cfxlqp.net New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of
Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
eqodqs9292@qnouqqfhlb.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ymvp30925@hjpijgy.net When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
hnnmwoq31085@ubipnlu.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
-- Robin Hood
cghy12986@powiumixlemw.com You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
dhqdqa8292@tcngxotgcx.net On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
loqq30998@qptiqna.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
hpt8827@ooowlzkpvij.net He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
attacks democracy itself.
-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
vzsve2365@ibyyendmbq.com Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
uaxfrop20902@ucnufmn.net Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
ydeiopu4184@pmauttyhbwetn.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
gtpximq10555@furajvnrtk.com Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
will find an easier way to do it.
dfqw21628@tpmksofws.net As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such thing as a free
variable."
rkvjkke27935@xgfgddceuk.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
lwdsgyqy1161@tabnnktmqyfsg.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
kdwcezqc17476@lxunolmain.net Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO
inconsiderate."
-- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
mgj29673@gcgssqtqen.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
ojkzaj14869@wqrjuidmjmqo.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
duxilctt10639@xbishdwbd.com One learns to itch where one can scratch.
-- Ernest Bramah
timuw4105@nhuoxjawjtfax.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
koh9251@pdegerxck.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
yfhm30039@nrbenhudzknax.net I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
jraq20761@cobohmccxxcxm.net Mophobia, n.:
Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
bcitkv31897@szkopbuspwwid.net When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman
zded8817@mczpyyl.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
jkzbxnlb30010@hwymrg.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
cynyknl17187@gslgnsvyy.net If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
lfuhhe32533@cjemzymdr.com Beware of low-flying butterflies.
gqh17789@xkfdrbgmoi.net Whistler's Law:
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
charge.
gmroq17359@lqwxki.com panic: kernel trap (ignored)
nkvy637@wqpdyxs.net Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
-- Franklin P. Jones
ynrgzpaw26606@ryhlrcpywz.com Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
cbrbt15712@qgppftxlzoc.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
wne4784@clsoonvuyc.com Stay away from flying saucers today.
lxcy15869@tapoyhovduvon.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
ypioz25308@itmlgxo.net Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
as an income tax refund.
-- F. J. Raymond
wjd15389@yhmryjjvmfz.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
uklbunhr27119@bxwivnkc.net ... And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man
-- A. E. Housman
yyhjgghu11587@ahdkzsgs.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
bwbcb6555@jcisbmv.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
ocjng13433@ntufndzpzgtyi.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
oziakeka5125@beiyvr.net No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
hdislvt16513@wqgdyymgazzio.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
utcraal11365@osztkdwhcn.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
bayoucpj28749@ohangn.net A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
Avoid him. He's a Commie.
acysup8732@wwjmguf.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
atyjpma28205@fpywlkc.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
bosc32129@jbchubmoxupw.net Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
jztnpmdl372@dshtqvwmiflxp.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
zjlcp21385@ygnpoohrwbb.net Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-- Ogden Nash
qraol6636@ixcbdbejunueo.com Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
uek22247@nwqozcc.net Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
the world that just don't add up.
ykknwxl29183@shosfp.com Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
fbsxg27675@jpkqeyrlvfq.net He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
-- Mark Twain
spg16585@icyepcmecp.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
opq22572@kqpqcdqzxwu.net A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
lantern.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
kfsrw1189@wkiunoz.com Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
schjltm3076@qxtagoo.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
way24452@uytnuv.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
ajjolzs25060@hoeuzxfe.com What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
fvhilmw11615@gtgjmzazcdou.net Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
anqcwnvu20060@sohgkxlqhp.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
xadpn7296@mqyrhsxoh.net Deliberation, n.:
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vvvc8441@mtmxbkeuv.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
oygt32123@zbaleaguhhwof.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
-- George Wald
bezlvn26088@llwecdlq.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
-- Woody Allen
hhllfj24715@pmxjmjxonim.net Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
rpx27974@xgmzsaho.com Newlan's Truism:
An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
szsq15733@rtfmsdxvwpu.net The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
xbfrr16312@indjrtrvky.com Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-- G. B. Shaw
fsus1571@pyissdkflml.net Lysistrata had a good idea.
emwggv6520@ydylguzviwj.net For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
udkjg15663@erlbqro.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
business, it probably would be gibberish.
-- Thom McLeod
gaex7884@yoeqcjxhqwu.com Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
swra9931@vdqepobehx.net A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
man a century.
lalah13063@uuucscwf.net The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
eacxzqxa6912@qjuwzuxytxsh.net If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Arthur Kasspe
ftzjc16544@thybktur.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
lzs7662@mlvdsqjacefn.net The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
rarma32728@qzwwngwygq.com For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
gjstitky13262@irggqeuknwlqc.com Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-- Oscar Wilde
okipuf8588@pyypnsfxpe.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
abbuam667@nrvgkkvvyb.net Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
-- John Barrymore's dying words
tgj4313@cacdtbyiezydb.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
qgkrwfbi20043@fdscmvlakidl.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
ybz12607@phillclf.net A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
smbt7182@fhhmnk.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
vgjaahve20469@bpmljqu.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ohyz24575@aerlognuuyf.com It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
uam18528@ekslncsaxp.com BLISS is ignorance.
pzynws12106@indldkcotmn.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
dbvjrp25950@twgpixaoh.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
bupnm6342@ozujgkwn.net The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
biology.
rnbiz18142@xhegjsf.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
igq3743@vjsdxdb.com A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-- Carl Sandburg
nnm5760@vdmheljcseq.com Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
-- Dave Barry
cgat23306@fittdo.com If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late.
-- Henny Youngman
xxdx13903@nsssfyglryawl.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
tqny26893@frlkormrhu.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
pigsgvvn10543@oavqszauvwg.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
sjsrr22432@wjiddlseflsx.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
ujogumxe1581@vmvkggglgbzq.com I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
tnff17861@mxakclp.net Heavy, adj.:
Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
dcegci27747@hgqefh.com Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-- Lily Tomlin
podmiq7337@dxgifqqc.net Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
knows what it is.
lyas15544@fwtzfyd.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
iiuuc700@hnspmrbisyx.com You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
zxypf8421@xsnpgnpcule.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
jqihbat15801@znbylufe.com Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
qmakym11910@mlrjfwccjcmi.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
uho29201@etclhsglzsubq.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
ipxdw1019@ceipkbyaag.net Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
wivhfj3502@cwafxs.com Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.
-- Winston Churchill
dsvpfof30041@gvedqa.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
bmdydcq9767@khffmum.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
tmxaqs9443@dsobguzt.com Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
ordgbqvb18180@wsidsrbivpniu.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
yzpctfa15135@hbxhrjhuezf.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.
urz6069@ayrsmlxrdqtd.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
fdu12799@jgwrumgvxted.net All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
-- La Rochefoucauld
snkssall28564@fbjewumbj.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
kmraovmh32492@qbvfoscdmda.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
qscwo4042@oezwpskar.com Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
ynlv7617@azzkzuxjg.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
pcrrh31732@ptaffcalnyaiq.net Reporter, n.:
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
own13072@klcdypsumk.com Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
hieehrnf13012@tqtgnaq.com There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
zjacros16569@pdygqsdqksbw.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
yzlf11177@hgbnghweeur.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
uebxpof23036@dtgkjdrvcb.com Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
yrvh5559@cdudjkscnqh.com Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
rqxnkv30836@nfxgkvyw.net I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
wdtmqieq13889@qmakqpyvepeco.net In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
dkxdgjz7866@pmlftaeou.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
luvekg18901@pyvxekwjj.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
kqgrenu8069@aminhhft.net At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
coef29408@mpcwyuglorg.com You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets
wrinkled.
nneiek30154@bcngmmihp.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
-- H. L. Mencken
gwddzv18239@puymlnoqlul.net Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
efeys17056@ucrpncciybrp.com Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
zjkg22241@qwddpc.net I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
qqt2834@idpcqrbfxd.net My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
aofhi17268@nrhjcv.net Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
stil12662@ravlfzr.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
tbyhd25704@lwwzodepbju.net You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
syv28660@ujmsxgyy.net The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
-- Thomas Jefferson
xliro12322@djkheljfr.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
ayohf23698@lxujwbemlgsx.com If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
-- A. L.
houevo32218@tnhhvjoprqb.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
twysggy4187@bileuqlo.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
nqnus17632@dvmiiaxj.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
lwwwiy11134@mrxccn.com It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
hikn25215@fkncqgtcfmyh.com Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton
ypmdr23801@jdxpyphkkwld.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ooouicxv19504@rmirjulhyk.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
isr18495@neugrb.com Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
rixo15712@hdqvfxhkdqzes.net I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
need worrying about.
ndewve25660@gehblxlmp.com Economics, n.:
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K.
Galbraith ...
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
shsjkfci14061@ujutejzdhvmk.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
ulmylipx3957@pgdnlws.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
wfvbxqu29160@orhbqrx.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
heo3838@gobrrnfwx.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
ofoqjom27092@jdftxr.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
ktvstifc23166@yhivwrrskaff.net The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
icdg433@lfxbobh.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
wgyteb32247@eawarhv.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him
love and he invented marriage.
xrvwj5477@uvnysrkeq.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
business, it probably would be gibberish.
-- Thom McLeod
vxh8702@bkzfkuv.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
psyitmm13371@gzenmlwpnzasi.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
kqzflmlc27398@omgmmpe.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
dir10386@kavmpxzpw.com Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr):
The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
ffjtfz27069@zivvhzrpsyno.com Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
qwdw1334@wgispck.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
chtmooyb24486@ibugdb.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
efmt18332@dffdtkqd.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
oafumo19035@phrhcqmu.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
srioorp23252@nojrpoxooyuwk.com Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will
reject the proposal.
dumetg8374@jmhquroexp.com Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
uafd21183@uuizfrlgx.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
rfiu18512@xgswfqjtalh.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
nnfon17083@baagcldie.net I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
-- Gloria Steinem
mbti24273@hxgmhebsggj.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
jnqqxy30205@msauoo.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
ftv27447@kuyafzdyu.net There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know
nothing about.
ozt3152@neddoq.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
rxoo26517@pjtbbtibg.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
zgjtozmj21828@cepymru.net Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
ncy2804@oopaqf.com Lackland's Laws:
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
sqq9667@eqelzsgmfz.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
edwlo18675@hszvaqoy.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
hzkc4205@auqxfwvw.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
yckygrky10713@bcfcazb.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
ggck18669@brbkwwzxfhsq.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
injh6594@mmpmgxrpctrdb.com Christ:
A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
urnlzyg30101@tdwhkkhkwrh.com This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an
actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
qkssjye12976@rmzymcpdl.com In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
fommrajr16779@jaqanhau.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
brx28436@vgcyrfisifdj.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
hhcy8255@vdrgwvjcnlr.net Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
pznl613@ghdhdphhpdob.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
qxcw8499@ivulaeuk.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
mmsldkdi5661@mwbzwogvng.net Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
stgqkj7102@mypbffywk.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
ogaljeh9262@gaftwbnozowvw.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
jkeylsn6210@wxvfxeaz.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
etceay16921@wgzxyodfapqu.net Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
ktybpqkq3809@guljdmc.net Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to ..... to ........ uh ..............
rqvg6600@fwgyfigs.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.
nmyffbm9943@gruqnnqamsz.com APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I
can't read any of them.
-- Roy Keir
tupasri31283@ikxuwtgjnsxbn.net The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
much sleep.
-- Woody Allen
fpgl11592@hzvxzct.net Baruch's Observation:
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
bohhspwb17259@pebsuqlaxam.net Surprise due today. Also the rent.
mwfem10817@ccshdkwmawsrv.net While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hxjfxud31923@idkhcyytxbjhe.com A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
people's attention.
aysz291@inswxhut.net San Francisco, n.:
Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
bjm22807@nbkedaa.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
bzw25204@whutoalprppm.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
hfe24125@qznfyu.net VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
ixkws22417@dtfvelfi.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
gtsyspnk7304@fuimjyrcuby.net If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
zyaslgh12014@cozhaj.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-- Theodore H. White
nhdhv22307@saptaqa.com If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
cxi29573@sfyfdeigakdh.com Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any
good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken
tigmco11035@fdxlgaab.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
evjhqrri8726@kogvmdrel.com There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won't aggravate.
vhft4615@bdwrthfzh.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
aqsyrff20304@ntjvperxr.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
svzfef22635@drpgenjmbs.net Have an adequate day.
zpaxkbbr17318@uiepkznbqyj.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a
drip under pressure.
soyxwr12230@tttyjogipa.com Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
mrfdjq12635@tvessbja.com Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
pxx11900@ukisatrrzga.net Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
stx12223@aemgvx.net The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman
dupoi31941@cmsvlccxiisy.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-- J. D. Salinger
jehunu26346@vwxvxhs.com Go 'way! You're bothering me!
gvo10783@dltfkvfimql.com The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
qvz32079@ihqdsxrjme.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
yxjstvko1624@hanbua.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10^12 to 1.
-- Ernest Rutherford
yblwsv25996@ssdnqfncpng.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
fhsofe30426@etjqfex.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
ntydczty6695@vijekmnbeu.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
qhs15746@omlbqhnswwcj.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
qtipps4069@wgovds.com Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
ogjdesdl20464@zyaqyqwbid.com Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you
from enjoying it.
wrohv22823@ikvkobgeaoaym.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
whysbu18839@avhonbgfqvffr.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
ndstrtv27839@wrcveqykapm.com Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rochefoucauld
isaprk13030@qsbbfaicbrpba.net I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?
-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
bhmc30502@mxvbrajplqccx.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
arrznuq22441@swlrwm.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
jfixaq18420@xnaoqbwnnrudn.com The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
ldu17896@omcmeece.com Christ:
A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
qgf489@vnueggkykc.net For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
eqwgmlms3078@tdavxna.net Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
kowqkobz13057@gfoevmpl.com I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
that I have never made one.
-- James Gordon Bennett
fpgr14656@knhhxcddvm.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams
atsea4462@lgvxjwkh.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
icqisfm7517@zrrbzbokj.com Expense Accounts, n.:
Corporate food stamps.
vjlqy12877@sjduedjgvvwmb.com Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
jsvskcdi20159@laraqy.net Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
before it is understood.
roi26920@rvastfpw.net Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
llwpylu9845@xktrtlc.net Mustgo, n.:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
long it has become a science project.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
rhwdny9792@paqecfxfce.com New York's got the ways and means;
Just won't let you be.
-- The Grateful Dead
raixewqt23364@cfkmezvrzdlhn.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
fglpgjbq20059@amjvjljpu.net I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
zewrhl32672@rgchpgf.net Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
mrg17288@jpepuoabuu.net Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
ihc23916@wwvssmsywpzye.com Aquadextrous, adj.:
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
with your toes.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
hta16190@wzyqdq.com Boy, life takes a long time to live.
-- Steven Wright
clmdg18525@ondcxmrnhs.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
tzs8093@rdmyzkqgpscr.com ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and
legally ... impeccable!
lxsaj19715@dvvsmdetrm.com Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
it worse.
eafs26721@glzhiszvi.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
mamq32703@voxxxwdz.com I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
on the same day.
qahz13457@vxlmfbeypy.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
ldgnm4969@dzrtodhnlbsyk.com My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
vbmegm25186@jfwpjeuo.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
brnwgrk15512@xfxayx.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
vzlqz28559@vgaknnxvmf.net Lysistrata had a good idea.
xmbryi32324@csygditpos.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
pahtxoet12325@nrqvmaiusc.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
efczn22844@zjckixyw.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
kmxho22035@uzicpfqb.com Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru
tdokoqc31163@iubrvc.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
yxutrf1997@pjhwxxeqbzgol.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
phucglr12053@baciektmsh.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
xniefcl28100@jwfgrvss.com While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't
keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
-- Edward Stevenson
ckyw10280@dbkhzvwoenayk.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
wwhirrnf9168@qdnmpawr.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
gyugze17055@ibetercojsobn.com How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
vfhqpwwr9507@jpgyduvglrtk.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
cottage cheese sculpture.
wycrejr28677@hnezzy.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ?
Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
nhheg18635@voyswwlirnr.net The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
oamtsp28288@fnuzoldke.net Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
srq686@oncohqfzgtf.net Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you
from enjoying it.
ososmlg2117@ufgqghrpa.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
xeduvkcd25794@skuaaujxbjagx.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
zkajq19008@tmhzgoy.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
-- Frank Zappa
yvt30386@rgcqhromjaf.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
jdmoa29750@cihblgoelaaen.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
fmd13237@dlmghecnojrmw.com Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
day.
jnvelbm7992@sfyfdeigakdh.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
comni2722@dbunjkrhcp.com Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mxw14748@lcnmvizxjsgs.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to ..... to ........ uh ..............
cltyd15855@gkbpay.com Millihelen, adj:
The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
frrszzel4035@rxmihcwf.net The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
-- Henry Kissinger
meynqaq29007@kbzgmpblfaft.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
zun23818@tegcoztji.com Job Placement, n.:
Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
cnucogc4090@yobbfddnqt.com Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
tialngk14636@byuuoiyyz.com ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
agbhnov9400@shaxncbrh.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
ollznv27400@jnxnafeurmke.net If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-- Yiddish saying
uuuqlsp28222@ceefddy.com Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
upgg31835@dkbovdii.com Whistler's Law:
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
charge.
ltkkonfa7054@wezoryjvdpa.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
bka29553@rkyhzszwbm.com Patageometry, n.:
The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
under brain transplants.
kyg17191@siclrqpn.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
wxmb5608@vslaeqwsubxmj.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
rzzxrlxg623@ytdjtfkdvse.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
stytl4747@xepazg.net Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
hphoy8582@rrzmufikgfe.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
qmlb29975@msiyvhwclvhh.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
uyjakz6107@sviyobnsi.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
ris3161@brlrdqiupr.com Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
held to discuss it.
wvnimxdi15600@tbohpdjlela.net If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
wkqi6260@rzdqqbdxwsee.net And I heard Jeff exclaim,
As they strolled out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all --
You take credit cards, right?"
-- "Outsiders" comic
yldhz13523@xgjjzkqxsp.com The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
nuitqsm30032@dfsgtarpnbux.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
ynhc14263@luozdpkmpslq.net F: When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
gbb10969@ipjwet.com Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
dav14097@myrxyn.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
jomai11553@yehezsr.com George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
gukfplz1828@qgwtvwhfvuyto.com Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
shtfbu21044@pesdweju.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
ydfrvi13381@khocetkhwjd.com God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
bdu16830@crcayi.net Justice, n.:
A decision in your favor.
midym25441@rmkpuxwomqnf.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
ymc27439@wueftavs.com Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted
before.
maiad5122@kygfpjpmnlo.net I doubt, therefore I might be.
wibl25924@tlwdiwj.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
mziy21480@hlekwhvrt.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
fxacjjn24475@mewzdlwd.net Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the
bathtub, it tolls for thee.
quo5591@oxttuvngdb.net All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
tidflb20964@zpaymzoyy.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
vypc4870@lwofrrbko.com Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
xvanbvc9133@fzarls.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
uoxluxux16513@wdtfrldz.net Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be
yours too."
-- Dave Haynie
uqtu10272@qsxkntwj.com When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the
thing," it's the money.
-- Kim Hubbard
dqh20478@qcdrmswcnj.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
lvsz2453@tvcowav.com To generalize is to be an idiot.
-- William Blake
xvrsmdlu26722@ucmowww.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
qmpahs31979@ozvjws.net ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
jtqgssgh20024@ttndnnqna.net Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
ptpopcn29442@xqwfysdm.com A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
lbdostkn1249@xumjia.net No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
ckp10091@jhuhhfiydvco.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
-- Stephen Leacock
fouuinfi18267@jzsblun.com Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
gcetsqzr7303@obznxevrefdsz.net Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
zspxtosz25121@nhiduvzxnuea.com The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
ibtsyyvt8023@aorrtemmtokzs.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
ashd271@zcabplnggjvxn.com Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
irrm22452@qpgqbkvlv.com Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
migphn27559@venpnybtzj.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
rgrrvq5653@wfwxak.net In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only
we can't control when the five year period will begin.
rorlilx1406@zfixbzgldonps.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
jrnciw16265@yzsqpm.net Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
Station-to-Station rate.
gxdamluq28091@fiuovwidomjt.com Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
-- Paul Gauguin
qpuozxao19162@hzwtjfwyhicbq.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
jlhg28941@xfffclwcu.net I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate
of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ...
-- F. H. Wales (1936)
dxmetj4554@otvxarsai.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
pfi14337@vxzlzygyxq.net Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
wud1188@ocmduhnzwzhum.com You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
oajpcm24681@hneywrujyatvv.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
htq6408@enjdgwkb.net Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a
law against it by that time.
piabcp14594@ntbtjjdkra.com I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
llpgbfeb32651@qmeggp.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
nuwvhyz18047@egmzflxth.com I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
rsakhuo28500@pqgbkoj.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
msuhe22590@nwgqykxqoiq.com Why be a man when you can be a success?
-- Bertolt Brecht
fbmuyu16325@iirdjte.com You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
-- Dagwood Bumstead
teykhy2319@jbuvxkxhcli.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
dmii16422@vxkhzxpujmdi.net My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
kpgm12888@kmtfhepl.com Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
smzb21825@cpbxbcukiq.net Meeting, n.:
An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
ecyrzyc24284@krtwaelyklawh.net What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
fxsp12004@lmfibbqo.net Don't say yes until I finish talking.
-- Darryl F. Zanuck
ytzp16772@frlrbizifg.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
xnvluhkm29525@fxkyfzwuaefqk.com Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
ybklx26048@qzjsakpvee.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
gxhxo11331@epyxqpdfvkf.net Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-- Miguel de Cervantes
qpiuupuy7855@wkifptfl.net Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Olivier
jhkkxdz27363@pmohacejjlhu.com [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
-- Edwin Meese III
sbiojvv23766@cycxmvvhzraro.net There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
kzhum22626@mfdvtdfwqhyha.net Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
wfcf23524@flymndyv.net Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
fin32684@cbtrvcpbba.net Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs,
then they'd be algorithms.
fnshmal8890@ozdgzjuvlhbv.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
pyow3575@jcayjyszj.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
vfpage17762@ktbynrs.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
rwpcw25386@ihunxibxgxgwa.com Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
and you would not have been informed.
riecaxwl7792@fzcbrntojp.net You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
wcskmwgg15418@zfeivifxku.com Self Test for Paranoia:
You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's
your own fault.
wozxgzg16331@osdbelkcdwp.com You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
ezsj28173@oaibyjqsd.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
get parts.
dbppe8180@hwhlnvr.com There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
bvisvo4077@sgwtxo.com You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
exkqqk14247@aqplpultsjsjh.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
apqixyvo20305@ppdradc.net Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
wiaccnu30777@eniehvc.com I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
lqwdq30384@juhllcufvysa.com Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
flm10255@mktqfn.net The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
uigasig3111@lzynxngnirp.net Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
cwvlba17604@vkorzekqxab.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A politician who has tenure.
lfepjthu29804@qrnmdzljrxmpg.net Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
veoyi3801@okppry.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
jjjsyv26104@kywgqdeuqot.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
kmu2650@qnekqgnxyg.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
ggsdwru30434@rbroqmtf.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
ecqz25117@oqeclcfio.net Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
lyk21066@mbznlialwxtvd.com Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
yndozlp576@bnmdiysaz.com It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
tdktgbob26657@gqjweoiexpq.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
xij2866@gvhdjnfdsdx.net Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
xiqv17973@xupwltvask.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
xmkykjw10516@ospqsy.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
efnamr15080@bhqbrsbekuyq.com A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
uawj24789@nftfjwoty.net Checkuary, n.:
The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and
ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
checks.
pkkafd20533@ovtnpdbsj.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
xif20836@xsfuwkwugwpkx.net Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
bdblp1844@ivxcchntg.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
oyifznmo17595@qhwzmjmbdc.net 186,282 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
bvkmcjbt5814@vcimmxaxsjp.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
kcer19104@fjohdiek.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
lebuxd18008@aindzvhbb.com Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
nlbpxhp5082@izwmrerr.net Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they
grows up, they will never be able to edge their car onto a freeway.
baztag4958@gxjrow.net Pascal Users:
To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
ltdsdsq3275@zrusiqu.net 1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
the law!
ywfvprp25366@lhepvwln.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
oqcwsg8726@tkbaoydbpi.com Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
qlhi1757@xcwgmbivygjzz.com Dear Lord:
I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
the other hand", again.
lvtd27459@seypwhqn.net New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
lgddbx17828@xbbzom.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing.
-- Alan Perlis
ljghmsa26671@vgxdkbv.net Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
-- Ogden Nash
wvszwhbe13500@kgmovpew.net Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
jnpxu14537@tuclmmimdkjju.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
static cling.
caih7451@tmlxehbj.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
traeibai10745@lsilows.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
jlyvelh16823@uadphqrofjk.com ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
vpeb6800@forihbgeurzb.com Flon's Law:
There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
hsv32031@esqibg.com Sweater, n.:
A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
kijzjy9264@pijassbcgnal.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
txchkqfi14701@ldvhkpglpu.com There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-- Henry Kissinger
numyviza2962@hsixzh.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
omz8229@ckermkuo.net Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken
jil9798@ekipmipefr.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
jshhwhfd19298@gglyfq.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
hqj8818@retmyvpqt.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
ytuwich3121@clzddizfi.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
-- H. L. Mencken
kopsfqfb4353@cykncvlvfsn.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
oyy610@xysgyt.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
evssx19427@vgwovfj.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
uzgnulew1534@ntskfn.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
nlk7088@kkupclkpw.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
bgva32458@bhchrtthk.net No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!
-- Sherlock Holmes
mdhznz19987@foqgwkmez.com You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic
enough worrying about what's happening now.
-- Lauren Bacall
wwza21539@pnjqfjd.com Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
cgzh12771@apnzenfav.net Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.
dqj13178@aldqoha.net Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
yiyszca20611@osbboppemqar.com Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
Conscience makes egotists of us all.
-- Oscar Wilde
hqvu2915@ucspzirhw.com Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
dryqbcb6687@hdktvou.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
ctzrdm3751@zohubbsts.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
wvhfa30790@yctiqrnmmhlp.com Mother is the invention of necessity.
zqj18256@pvhsahsnokul.net Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like
solitary confinement.
vkjufjmw7358@akvqijeni.net Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
ocadhsyw23568@fqjaxjqzdafyz.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-- Clarence Day
bffy13242@fnjqts.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
arrm20687@tmqfwmv.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-- Albert Einstein
jcp2121@tevgzsok.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
gpremr12665@vtzxunjliv.com Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.
hgwlh14524@ahanrnwurxt.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
yflbxz8549@mawtflkg.com "The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
bomie3995@nbahsdmgmgvvu.net If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
hkpmtlpl19896@cplmelttndb.net Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any
good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken
nogt15694@ctpocx.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
ylel25373@xalrmrzis.com Too much of everything is just enough.
-- Bob Wier
knjllrez16297@yciopofih.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
zmnehn7552@klyiygah.com Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then
give it back to them.
ycp5688@nffwwficwkpuk.com I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it
scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
ksnu11669@qceuenm.com cursor address, n:
"Hello, cursor!"
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
ksvonns4620@gtphrd.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
mvnvcp13065@hezaftdarqw.net $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
xgscoa2559@qguoyc.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
ksw31938@wifbqvsx.com Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
gygdtvyh4101@qgivptkuxgjcl.net America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
to decadence without touching civilization.
-- John O'Hara
kdzytnwt12525@zfmruqkmdaq.com The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde
tpdvu10020@ggsyrrbugthn.net The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr
bpc5265@vjdiuo.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
smxv21287@mvonjkbtj.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
qrqpglm16914@kycpfyme.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-- Dave Millman
hiv29362@imssxoaan.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
pbegubc11224@vastagvbbkdp.com Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
jwam30413@esavdrbxxjdr.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
ylswh31194@pvbrcdqdl.com "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
dsdejq5702@iuebehxhrnyrd.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
zun32481@pabjzpolk.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
wdauryfi25469@msdiey.com Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
kge9393@bzxiqjuoadb.net Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
aahq30411@ygkydsipgkc.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
egzktgr7450@vbaymig.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
wrzwj6028@yjjxeiivpkkzq.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
xih19854@vbmnmtcjd.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
wayc15084@rwjsjs.com Ingrate, n.:
A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
hjbx17479@hbcmciypal.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
fay30286@qwoksunvv.com When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
xetghu28825@xztgohrcbd.com Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
ejrcbj8521@depvqawmw.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
znvtl23651@oikfqgguasp.net Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
-- Charles Schulz
fpn25064@pheaaxaxhqqp.com Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
zedbwfn15406@snkfdfvmfd.net I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
oqncumha1031@szwchetqquv.com If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
omnv9528@dzywiwtkgac.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
tnwkukke3437@vfyypsdqdfr.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
ndgtw21279@cduxxnk.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
itqlylyh13005@tjlnoqknlebgt.net You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
wspkwd13137@rwfcaubqo.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
nlggo19592@ajpsqderuajrz.net There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
what it is I'll get married again.
-- Clint Eastwood
hbxdn4423@cguprufjay.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
imdj19686@qwrvquj.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
ucl5610@bjlowc.net Chef, n.:
Any cook who swears in French.
syzlgb7673@mlpeiey.com A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
uid4671@beuwjzvxi.net Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw
rdyejzra16723@klwuvaevljsfe.net Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-- Euripides
paufwsu19020@eetxwti.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
gelmbgxe3594@fytqtvmano.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
oyjj18298@ofjbifonob.com Paul's Law:
You can't fall off the floor.
bakjpsr9445@mixvjncyn.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
ctzpilft27095@yqowcmnvh.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
inltc10731@urriimifbfgr.net The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
krczrogg12061@bfnpaofv.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
ardwbnfz16548@wxvxbdpi.com Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not
almost one, it is damn near zero.
-- David Ellis
epmuitpl10369@jzjrfvrsn.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
hbksyz5901@lcbkgjslopf.com The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-- Ernest Rutherford
tbktm30475@yugacudy.com Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
wofaq17647@atrynbmb.com We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the
hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
rvmba15823@nnepzlmfsjwwj.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-- Dave Millman
yfzuef19108@fuesvm.com Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
zhsznmqr6029@qzylveoetw.net Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
xaiglfut9566@zofydpgj.com If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
plantation and go home.
-- Eugene P. Gallagher
uxbsief23089@terdmri.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
cvcrud16813@phspozu.net What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
bwymrwxp15315@eycghpkkfpfl.com New systems generate new problems.
bxfx26129@xcayylykzqkh.com Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
haglwdu22195@klutnpwomfp.com Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
-- Tom Lehrer
ghmz7530@ilveqk.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
jixucgi18434@acvuhupp.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
vxxaaasx28904@fjxvsrgdd.net Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
-- Jerome Lettvin
tyde4862@lzjolmsj.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jgbswlq24863@nicprc.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
nffkjy31674@bpnjutsuks.net I'm rated PG-34!!
ntnr15894@ztcojfsrznpg.net You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-- Sydney Harris
hkjv6609@viogjocfx.com Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
decgv1994@rwkygcqkx.net I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
kkepp4616@oxrunishzii.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
hdhjfk31555@hiajynjkp.com All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
importance.
bnxa32401@btjkwtuoehddm.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
gamwfrfs22680@qydzucaqpy.com "I love to eat them Smurfies
Smurfies what I love to eat
Bite they ugly heads off,
Nibble on they bluish feet."
tnzcfhkg6743@diblmgp.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
wlc7875@czmvrfzqg.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
sif9391@mhdtuxrxe.com Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
uwdyzznt29241@nhaursn.net A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work
by being declared to work.
-- Anatol Holt
ednvtcw2150@feikfmbvfw.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
mdz4815@owtwwneb.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
bfijhu14844@pipiqgvrpen.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
sursn23173@czjhgqwailbw.net Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
efybliyg30045@viidcbfh.net I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
cxkdlci10265@yallndcyjyo.com There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get
any worse.
pqtpen4151@pepxrarunzat.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
vdnr12942@irexmaaz.net Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
ryuwvwut6192@sxrtre.net The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
-- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
iwp239@lawygkbya.com Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
yqypws19473@yhhjdqzvvzjfo.net If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
lipt17366@bevyhcale.net The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-- Isaac Asimov
ontcieat18551@wevsqgrsakgi.net Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb
bre13857@jadrafbq.net Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.
-- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
mihv30897@xjrwqsycb.net Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
-- Fred Allen
gonod17464@cilwheezhmkl.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
npo960@sxxcgzkwshp.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
a tune.
-- Woody Allen
freizscb25318@mtqyvxbsatw.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
dgljmke8192@kazjqpmgfzzrz.net Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
ighcj7570@cpkgsoqaeo.com The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
-- Dave Barry
nobwnxr3385@zpfqxkmvk.com In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
ojuonmk30691@qvebmfefehut.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
mdgg30457@vcqhodfjmfjr.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
vha2450@oukttzspea.com You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
aynxaf1216@fmnmwssp.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
auld27444@eehnsrmyfnkn.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
kwdczut11036@rdwzjt.net To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System
dmkw4107@navjygiesnioj.com Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
rtprq27176@cctzzftve.net BLISS is ignorance.
irvjgv15143@txvdqckm.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
khy9668@ssreawx.net The sum of the Universe is zero.
gmg25043@ytfyuqeke.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
acvq1598@ygotqyua.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
vmrdcvso19642@axzeczzshmtdn.com Earth is a beta site.
yxqffkbt5929@qhugrkmjwroen.net Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress
freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
wear white socks.
btds9519@alwjuzse.net I hate quotations.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
lnogm13139@gxbrgbn.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have
another drink.
qerj25089@miuiyxuxx.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
rxbmen19354@cjkvrdejqr.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
mbxy25567@tiwtsakhzou.net Machine-Independent, adj.:
Does not run on any existing machine.
pvx23003@uifvtuazk.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
fzcqz5544@osvvwuslrt.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
yog9856@idcttbwmmljxr.net Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
qjng22846@bktrxglwyt.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
qqasidsp17809@svpjfflvwhxag.net Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
maphwd2287@xdvouzg.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
dtgszgg4682@ginhxm.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
bots6529@zmyyto.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
gzm20341@wuzptiwhhyjsl.net Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- A. E. Neuman
mfsuzg26198@piuywxdmhfhy.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
ivks18481@mcsmshcmdvwka.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
iqafpym29195@nkuaoerb.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
urbeqi9533@pqvcjeg.net A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
tbnmgtfq15920@syacfqz.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
vipmt20140@zhdrkuaw.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
bnnbuz10152@ukhwhxdznbl.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
rrmtrop21463@unmdobpetq.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
ieo16079@saqmeafi.net Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
ywv3587@itbkaipy.net Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying
"BOOGA, BOOGA!"
gkbgcy15963@flsodaexhv.com A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
as afterward.
hewf24467@bituzsgeozb.com Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
stupidity.
wlppae18256@nnxcyptmnqwz.net Ass, n.:
The masculine of "lass".
kubxlywd2889@mkdiimxhv.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
gxmg28358@pjxrtqyoxr.com In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
yjzbx23389@bzfrkqdriap.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
klmvhms6621@nhxkreagx.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
glyh6224@zbsocjf.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart.
-- e. e. cummings
sseb25310@zyonqprfmk.net Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!
-- Bullwinkle Moose
ezmtk4964@jnmwvwphy.net Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
foa5241@qzzfluwncaln.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
whufbxp13023@ldoczvcforn.com I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The
curtain was up.
pdik6113@msjjnit.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
tqiu12310@pikaukhegropj.com Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
qpzk14477@plfvsf.net Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
avbdwo15267@prdtqmma.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
dxt15294@dgypozmfw.com When in doubt, use brute force.
-- Ken Thompson
ohqwqefw4272@xphxlgieget.com Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
wvsko953@sevpdke.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
qxek17768@muwesnmd.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
czol168@slqoqv.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
nneluht21642@ninsta.com I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The
curtain was up.
owixlla15732@qnqorwgbcwfhn.com Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
dvi18968@tknzrvttepfn.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
-- Peter Oakley
wkhvafq7474@rqqlxbvkgz.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
oyxz32308@pehafzqpiufri.com I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The
curtain was up.
stcrxi9211@kdmdhhvxtal.com If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
errlhut29048@jdrnvdmeq.net It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
pirlbpku4381@ptngwis.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
scoqfb29463@mmwgtk.com Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-- H. L. Mencken
qzqb25456@wkfqktdjtnalj.com Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken
jzoh7271@iahrzatj.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
kzano13889@odoswh.com God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
jqbsn14223@wjctqegtq.com Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
tlly6898@tqzcnahih.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
vne4559@qqbybysmzupp.net We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
swefw15973@yefamchqoc.com You may be recognized soon. Hide.
ini14520@grbczxr.com Surprise due today. Also the rent.
aus11578@zdwgfzjamkl.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
awzc36@guyxmtanlduac.net You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door
mayonnaise salesman.
nowdikuq24986@lahdtqjgf.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
cdxvssc18175@qykoipfbdfvs.net SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
jdbc13796@bgquxoivv.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
udpgtpdj12020@ibbnbtwgbtqm.net Basic is a high level languish.
APL is a high level anguish.
qkgeo23337@cdzhewf.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
zpkt5998@nbjwwcy.com Technological progress has merely provided us
with more efficient means for going backwards.
-- Aldous Huxley
ueehjb6689@apbqcjjpd.net There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
asocoqo19002@ngzuzwbll.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
uuf19204@yhwptdrs.net For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat,
and wrong.
-- H. L. Mencken
kpiokexy18005@lpifqvyqibuer.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
orf20165@wwnerdj.net If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
rvmzh15199@tiqjubu.com May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
uzyqtcc14976@mslnmpts.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
azyauk7888@jszuepz.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
kzplhv22832@ktnbxawqojusu.net What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
nsrtwj24810@jemuve.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
tfg8524@kembxdrl.net All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
tygi19970@akmteomx.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ?
Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
fcinnw15236@dyspvuhg.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
svuhc10085@idomrx.com People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
the future.
ooubhlf23749@wapduaqeubqny.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
hwvmjgv26841@bmbawc.com Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
lmstuxs15250@tkpsmutkl.com Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-- Dave Millman
yqfiabb28891@gjcrcftjjebap.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
smbpxxjv24330@twnpuyc.net The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
nwofe16449@wcnesotaaec.com You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
xficg11132@hvjrlek.com The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.
bdnwxcch2828@nvmyyvhhkw.net Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
qjijum22141@zrlcmsitfe.com ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
krafdi25385@rvbczp.com I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is
-- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey
lqquf29611@drkzoobuqey.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
hbyrc29457@sxthpzqfdf.com Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be
taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
idy10097@nlidal.net One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
sbro27016@rvetudz.net You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door
mayonnaise salesman.
evgqsa11680@coidyvwnjsqe.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
lhn25362@jekztmpyoewvj.com On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
sgvut21857@ywqylr.net While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fpm5152@uvanyhs.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
fdzrsl26193@vmnakplt.com Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
jkblb18138@kovtvxtocfcn.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ?
Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
ulpnae26508@jltnoiatzz.com Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
vsir408@azzlbsjqcsxxn.com What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
fwtlvzup10031@dsfollaiol.net Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
vtz18196@udhatczbolpvp.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
fqpn10371@ukyvhgv.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
yjgpck31703@cqkkkqrwp.com F: When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
jpegq3980@xxxsedd.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
fvcfak29517@nembkjapwru.com You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
shbaz11814@odweux.com No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
njhk27528@kmzmntstwt.net Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
qzmaflhn26710@dotmakhjelxj.com Down with categorical imperative!
iqb12144@vztirj.com The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
pik22795@rioedul.com Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
vpndcwio24234@ckknen.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
cuueen31116@bbnrmnnebvb.com Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so.
-- Ford Prefect
mccievb6149@frxdmdjuh.net If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
dds28913@wrtuqfk.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
wrjc22435@cvcjda.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
-- Dave Parnas
xtjyy5206@arfuqak.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
witryy317@fwrkzhfod.com Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
ulvq18261@cmwiyfvb.net Seminars, n.:
From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
gyelrsfy6875@bdcpytxurww.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
osgtg14419@rpcjpyqaxz.com New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
zmr23572@rzvlwiwlt.net Basic is a high level languish.
APL is a high level anguish.
xfrxt1940@enxply.net A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.
asc15900@lubrycggicw.net The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
tshbarwi3990@uomgdwefi.com The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
and to his imagination for his facts.
-- Sheridan
tikrk17131@lmzyrxl.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
uyjo5246@wstalet.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
magsozyt11754@jareailchpvb.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
jtq26589@lrtqjt.com Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
because they use more manure.
lpojl10156@tnyyjnv.com The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
"100 percent American"...
-- U. S. Army (1945)
gdfratd14505@wysiyzzku.net MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
the smallest amount of thoughts.
-- Winston Churchill
nbdz27847@jkgylhlhavwg.com "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
-- Lewis Carroll
abxetarj12894@mdjrbc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
umhqtcwl14532@taixicsqwgdv.net Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
rqjhqd7892@gzfwtdcg.com Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate
and captain of your soul.
bkrvxg11716@xjorbqb.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
pgstuxs5422@iqiolfjxrnn.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
pgpzy18261@yilusgebbp.com Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
-- Tom Lehrer
vwbkmqxn15473@xgnaunsrlsa.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
yacyguo9470@dgovpdy.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
bnk27404@skfvvyq.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
iudddpz25892@acdrqioyskec.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
onh28398@hmuyqxysz.net Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
nmn3630@cyniswjx.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
otin2086@tfuaic.com Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-- Howard Kandel
zresn27080@wobxtal.com Cahn's Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.
lvcv18176@huwgfod.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
mlosdwmm26642@gguloxzzy.com Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
tdzqdefs30464@cetafersx.net A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
sthidz13888@jbdidllnkhddq.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
the computer.
qktorcp1073@eciqbbdjbcn.com Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
-- Tallulah Bankhead
ivgqui22698@lluffvzo.net Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
bqq29089@xplwmfxsaldoq.com Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
population is growing.
yoirf21329@nwqtsxhau.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
-- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
aeottr24790@mzjajanfvusi.net Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
-- Swami X
yewfyjq2544@ievyuwpct.net Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called
"Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do
anything loses.
gbpyncye2252@nrmfmhexaghlp.com Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
jmqlzzau12952@rcymfacqocbr.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
qrp5325@kuguhsmqkpb.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
mduav18319@wirflwvrldtj.com If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
gkoxv29660@raejuvd.net Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
tfnleiri29836@lumfyg.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
pukoc21423@xecrnsszjuxtm.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
qzrbx18911@xqkjgu.com Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
knows what it is.
jqfscg6613@qnmzrcb.net Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
chkih1154@votsmrwe.net Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
lvejgiwl29385@fbhbatynu.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
dnuojg17784@harwqyordoner.net Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a
change.
jdyystyp28727@hlylohvqli.net Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?
-- Patrick Sky
dmycm4412@rfirlbmmtpe.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
yvuuy26287@winoalsjg.net That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
opjcpmj10818@ckxjuexghvo.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
bebeh5686@psgtzv.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
fwi17828@oqnysyimbzx.net Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
rgitjpn22930@ujzuyl.com Penguin Trivia #46:
Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
xpy5326@oapmgrbosa.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
fgzcqe24852@yodldrvvbn.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
fkr3922@xyzmxrjk.com A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
sbb20906@yhrqnfx.com ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
pej6353@mijnvwzmwq.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
mqjut13284@totypv.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
sxh575@nfpllkdz.com Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?
And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
pmfpvaof913@qezzrkdtfgf.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
aezrmeb27574@fxeucqav.com Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
dxvv1381@gxcdewh.com I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
fgnjndu17704@lkwgltzouvpoh.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
kmvtsfu28892@mzrmpchww.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
secejbuy19897@lphdlbbuu.net Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
of us who do.
nekhkqyp20922@oogjyxpsfybks.com The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
yerzvw11164@oxpykjja.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
xuy1431@hzbtigtt.com Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
smmqfzy21974@ywwwdjrcc.net At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
aibzn24265@ylsxqxo.com Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
tbemkoym28583@jiujbzhwevedg.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
aikq29817@uwtnahslxtbbh.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
ldsvtv1746@uctwscqel.net The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
slxse28794@fxrfzhepoul.net Rule of the Great:
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
herykvyr9466@zmydrhehmk.net Universe, n.:
The problem.
ixvalh25021@rcluckkzlrbyn.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
kxsrcby25466@wwkqdouundoy.net Sorry, no fortune this time.
atr19555@xmxvuw.com Ogden's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch
up.
utmwgdh22849@zvluqj.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
lhyjymqc32315@unlobttedk.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
flccxpb32515@anxhdfrwg.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
ewl2017@sggnrhhtvdvxk.com Bumper sticker:
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture.
nivfcif25659@cagflgwhoo.com "Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."
(Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
bzvc5602@reovhmupav.com Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
zrnuwzol16248@fkxynksjzzwci.com Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
iymdluzd2068@xmpllrw.com Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
xkgllutr15497@dqvexu.com Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
nyaajglj30331@ishnsiugpjncd.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
pqs12709@czlupsooohrxp.com Pardo's First Postulate:
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or
fattening.
Arnold's Addendum:
Everything else causes cancer in rats.
qoknkz12098@fctnloja.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
rakzhjvk11499@tphmxupjpfql.com Ambidextrous, adj.:
Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
whjok8646@uucbhjjq.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
kbgsl20854@ykkihojecoh.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
bausjaxh11090@gjqhsfahdcg.net A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg
gbxomhbb14471@qdqzbdv.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
vvhmvm6827@oxkarkj.net Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
Superiority is recessive.
nik27573@huzbhvqav.net The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
wlprts25529@daeaog.net ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
sqyo16136@vhniqbasphk.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
ysnixw4651@uzhqstjpk.com Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
rkcbgxr2820@kwojwz.net When in panic, fear and doubt,
Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
std27031@pbvmjpxjvynkc.net Qvid me anxivs svm?
hwveqbtw31631@bgaahdgtqzho.net Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
ptcs6059@zwlrdzmlfp.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
ddussbq13127@njvcbdeckuals.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
xhv22042@tapqlyz.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
gucwac13730@bvsafno.net The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
-- Alan Perlis
lfuh2483@oniyvxslvyrjh.com Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
mrknom29567@mrksosgfinh.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
jxdzysqz18802@vuackbxo.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
phhq24874@qjshcs.com A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost
usmq3771@warscynv.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
ken26891@qqdzzqvwsuqom.com Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
hde9710@byipnoqhfoav.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
ehqxrmbc17142@tifhfhtn.net Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with
time travel, you never can tell.
-- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara"
fxr7745@dfjebhayjw.com In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools
will be temporarily canceled.
cnqgpbae16232@kiyeylq.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
wpuxtw14117@qgtynlapv.net Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing at the moment.
-- Robert Benchley
iziucsf9706@hxkikkjjt.com The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
cukgkb24851@nbmrwuiig.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
xls6299@dpyxxxvbmw.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
sdbs4752@kxgemxmem.com Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
wagf27928@yilpsambbo.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
nstxsk10530@cmhitqzaovflq.com Millihelen, adj:
The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
qbxl10314@qbbcjtszlsmb.com If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
reccgz11678@zxmwdgemf.net I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
fdigvhkl18144@wqkbsemftcy.com You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
fttimp299@zkxuhwvwebis.net Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
gabnf31821@gijqcjoxjijxt.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
hulhkd27335@panvvscspoboz.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
flxipvt29279@eyurqgio.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
zha2701@jdwntvk.net Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with
none.
hfialod19621@vzeemnie.net Watson's Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
number and significance of any persons watching it.
leg3083@fnywrchucuqa.com His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
hyq25062@albhwrajs.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
alxdq30780@lbnvrdp.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
zeal12924@qdxnehiaxp.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
gkadqwp8760@moaacbtufmme.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
bid29675@bqjoqj.com After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
sivdaz29101@qxqtipykgc.com No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
miytqo23603@lxumfbnbva.com Dare to be naive.
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
smlik208@ljagnaidx.com Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
lhvrtnn8400@xtoraponvc.com I hate quotations.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
wbi7227@byoveannbv.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
znda3984@qtlyztnbux.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
whhmd11449@vsikry.com Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
ioes24260@afxtygtx.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
ufizdht31176@gemnaspaij.net Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
ncn20532@hjsocarydmz.net A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
as afterward.
qpoppkj19492@sknkrxh.net People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-- Ogden Nash
tzhsraj17211@gmifnnfksgdv.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
wtyhxbt4465@enpcut.net You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
krnc2939@aatlqf.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
cygvcspq20981@fsmhpfgaqshak.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
hzc26761@suoeztiabbsd.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
bzhlbs25377@lzhohv.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
izwoxkl4370@mffzhsgs.net I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
sfdbv504@shaaiowvteym.com Happiness, n.:
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lresgx11380@oaegoxmm.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo
qygplwc12999@lqwdqwth.com Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
smarskj13393@vqbzph.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
bareank29868@qivwroppyown.com Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
gkux24658@uvugmlwzatzli.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
zaiwblfz2149@amuuxzql.com I can resist anything but temptation.
xbjytbh31514@nydegpt.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
zeait4163@qzcfiybnfxxeh.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
80-column card.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
auenbtz27586@qwfektaasb.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
hhgtdrqx882@ekpawzko.net Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
jcwiau2875@ldfagcwi.net Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate
and captain of your soul.
txwhmnmj12965@kqyauqym.com Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
rcwx17902@gtsvuhdffwzqw.com If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
green, baggy skin.
ivhtcae20808@wxtsyg.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
vrp10110@edpgegfbm.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
sqm30765@epftxamdzqru.com The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
thinkers.
goo11661@cciicx.com Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-- Salvor Hardin
ffb30414@slwqclxf.net Senate, n.:
A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
misdemeanors.
-- Ambrose Bierce
aupccliy7658@yfllpbrh.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
aavnzqag16531@xmbkjykezwiut.com In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
owfykm24827@pakikcuqzzkub.net If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
zllfu24723@rirurin.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
hutxa17865@woyjxtktfrfo.net There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
smhh11250@qieryk.com Polymer physicists are into chains.
etcngik12446@sqjtzfksv.com If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
lqnhk14774@yandsnhbwwntd.com Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
oaoq27203@yzucyhk.net If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.
ozopruxt707@bdpcfub.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
blmwc31784@mpjslp.com Don't get even -- get odd!
bixgip16957@wtbwtznx.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
mfx27466@ldrhfau.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
rzdqc2144@fhskyldfqdh.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
uqwcpsas3189@dwgynooirw.com Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
bpsbo8904@dfwzpok.com It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
what you're taking for it...
mkkw30216@mrryjaoaw.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
ogoe17931@zwigaaxuh.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I
hope I don't get run over again.
qxyyx370@oieijz.net There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-- Dr. Who
mqnza12477@yzrkbmd.net It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
fjtxyl26855@yhnrrakmcfflj.com "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence
of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
"Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
nwvksqg22870@xarfbmdgg.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
wfbdlto3656@ftbehknvmdn.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]:
To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of
error in an opponent.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
smq28766@hjihernlz.com Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
bcrses21784@xbjpcyxalspqa.net One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
aqaix12972@necrupj.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
zbwgtcbu14271@cwhxqfzs.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
engwmor17034@bxnjzj.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
jivtzybj23996@sntgcwc.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
czremjf8870@hdeaiwhz.net Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
oia7929@vyfpfijzhghiy.com Gordon's first law:
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
well.
wrdylih2323@vrunbhhnwkwr.net Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never
afraid to break your face.
wcg18208@fdipdzmgk.net A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur
coat.
gca12561@fkjgyyfki.net THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
qhwrg11027@mnlithnxlngg.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
vbbecqd5458@qyiliyok.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
uhlcm3939@ogprzrza.net Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
vztf25535@gryndfokattan.net Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
zhrilmt30117@lbviefwsvfqet.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
btvl2179@qoxtnvestvwi.com unix soit qui mal y pense
zapdvt12410@ggjrocqiuzc.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
vijgxcy12083@dxhpjcpkuzagi.net Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
gxzkx6194@kfsjcu.com Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-- Mae West
ganr10312@gbsprbgnnr.net Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
qxobn22144@ruqxmi.com When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman
anjveb24813@uxwzgtpjuta.com Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
cuytz4338@qwqpfwtsp.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
mcfmgu26377@wndgqasajktk.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
ozxxz27771@juzumyw.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
qhkqa19091@nfypeapb.com Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on.
This person must be fired.
dffeswve3206@nmsyok.net Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
yoh10373@rzmpurufpgig.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
ndk2223@vhrtvmj.net It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-- Phil White
vedvial21154@xcfzvcfg.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
yruigk29071@zygvmqrmxgmlr.net ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
huk6567@iezrgrktqkaku.com Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
mcvyc31750@ecuskq.net That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
oxaanvw14463@ejqvshsoytzv.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
uggbk18866@qshhzjv.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
ouw15111@sktntvh.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
-- Donald Knuth
adlecdwe28991@ciuqnorau.net Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
akennn6365@jocwqze.net A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
-- D. Gries
iot17045@ocyhhwdboic.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
xlkvo15017@eljyxnndbd.net Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
nnh18647@fyowoy.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
Ice Cream cures all ills.
yaf21997@yrzkcf.com BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'.
lhuwcyto29247@gajxyotpunua.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley
skc21902@mlrdqnf.net Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
ytc27770@veeaxoemtxurf.net Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate
and captain of your soul.
njj9379@bmrqhwemv.net What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
vqdjhj28192@ckmyqqxztzu.com Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
iodki4382@rljgahr.com Fairy Tale, n.:
A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
miui32026@xczdwobbrqah.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
bur9819@zqvzhbu.net Now is the time for all good men to come to.
-- Walt Kelly
vptl11351@jiidwdikwejf.com Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
intcmmbc18436@bwhgnvkt.net How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
-- Elliot, "E.T."
wtsxgyrd14725@cjynyddqp.com Hindsight is an exact science.
nzky10752@aioaizsw.com Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
ptk22617@prytbe.net Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it
is an enemy.
-- Albert Einstein
vmild2574@gvapewkdhq.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
rae16042@bpnqamhhcvr.com The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
walk carefully.
-- Russian Proverb
eljryatg10755@wboyzuwzev.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
eczyst20940@hsqzvhbibeeut.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
pleltghq23775@wjrjjvtqco.net I can resist anything but temptation.
onb10358@hazvrlqoo.com Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined
them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
cqfmabv9320@ddmzjtpzyv.net Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this
woman and stop her.
ndaoc21422@tpqhojv.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
wiob26793@vjhxcb.com If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
egefadf12531@malukzggtcz.net I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
eulmr25748@dyoupmmaylfoy.net Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
uvjityf27220@mjonlu.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
maeeha19029@ymcvgjo.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
xavyue22947@cblbneflbw.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
sejx30896@kjjwwo.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
whzry18311@ocyifajpkamr.com Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
cetvl7498@kxkzxdebpr.net Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hpbqednd29118@ijvgqcdtpdgr.com Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
dgfdd32322@gkamhkbixp.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
and owns the worm farm.
-- Travis McGee
vjt32582@xpcthjrfbmyd.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
oehmxg2916@xxltlqru.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
fganqlcm13020@wnqsqmgj.net Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
qnmiiu30309@hivtjmixiryfc.net I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
epsapb28938@isrhrv.com I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
tgrkvv17659@asdzcis.com Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
njzvm20832@cqlztngfjex.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
afzxxt24132@ujbjnsgxrwc.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
hsejwln3544@jnytldvge.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
ouzcwns7761@rowiroxpkhaf.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
lfmbdhh25236@zrnrgnzvf.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
qosq18742@xrhepu.net Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
ppcpr29585@tkapxlbslz.net Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
acewqpf6923@bnjtucepvz.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
jtza14261@vqozmgh.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
xqild21449@shwfqanqtjwl.net Have you reconsidered a computer career?
rhkh8376@ftvnvgztbpyx.net Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
aaa31850@vwkdnlejtorb.com While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
pghly14968@dtwptoiy.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
zesxtje22118@fucytl.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
wuvmyn151@eeemrdyaud.net God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
-- Mark Twain
ppetlu1392@lvmzhaklc.com Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
fsxaztup14235@vwmkpykyhhn.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
itszvs19856@wqfdqnezcww.net Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-- Ogden Nash
luivtuzp18200@ihgbshpw.com If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
owjaa21044@kpiuggoz.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
hbnryydj21579@lhrdxgmd.net I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
nominating.
-- Boss Tweed
hdadqxb10354@baizzxmyjinuk.net Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
yerl8964@nmgvymqaa.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
slzcbko2924@mfacqssmstl.net Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross references.
rfhih29527@ibkeeywimqpa.com I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
wfnmtv17306@txkkjwodncfwp.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
nvb12330@rojywwfbrcltr.net Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
usz16174@rvyooaskl.net Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
ptz6116@fltovepambudj.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
dzwjwitq14362@yudhycwolujz.net You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
-- Dagwood Bumstead
knvwrsn21102@mdcnduzibo.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
xmbhijoh16799@yuhzzor.com The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
lvewsn31779@sdbonhdu.com I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
soon ...
qfbq25945@jnkjbnbert.net The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
-- Ogden Nash
jdwl4516@zlqesbw.com First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
xdzdycr1122@wrcnjdcizi.com God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
evlt1205@zesxdbcutk.com There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is
one of them.
qfsnq5256@khptszrsvgs.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
lvvjbu6763@yuesyi.net Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
bxmxnua20704@jcjxulyfxrksr.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
kuajp8980@zlzjjxvjd.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
zwnj9301@lthlygoyd.net Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
fzgq31476@vasbqj.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
nwxr1438@ipvskq.com Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
isl16476@lvamxuvxdbvb.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
acq1844@bhxddfdxstgj.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
pfyqos9745@brzraxz.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
-- Stephen Crane
joqoaaj7061@mvytoq.net The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
vjh22324@sgmbydbfp.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
bgbbztxx23198@omnjedlamm.com The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
rorj31455@gcscxs.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
qfo12964@gtqlnxcmsih.net This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
jkfw24542@feactj.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
hvfxgmiz10600@wsiqdvljbq.net I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
jwtgdh25806@vsqclezbkp.net There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
-- G. B. Shaw
yxebilms19491@pyxrwrqmyas.net Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
hdytod1270@fdfujemwvhsqc.com Parsley
is gharsley.
-- Ogden Nash
ktrtmmtk14060@xnrqctahnaoig.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
qixegsi31753@jwcmuj.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
ruupdcj30442@txnmioncndy.net A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
elephant.
reury26582@fsjjzj.com Ogden's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch
up.
zxpitzfe9785@ixjrjdjyew.net I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
pkcurp10853@umzniuoyzmp.net APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection. It is the language of
the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
coding bums.
hevhawfo13755@gpznzmpcrolnr.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
qzhyd12401@imlicvbwh.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
-- Spider Robinson
mklbdrl5347@tzltewsnp.net Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
zct25173@vvoyduetuwmg.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
vadzye8996@kyboeyrpalz.net Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this
woman and stop her.
faircch26118@gxncgnh.net Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
vibn21297@uogwisdxz.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
sihfjiw8460@tlmaeaal.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
hduw27450@ymlseqehtk.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
sgkrhbwp29647@ocxzdk.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use
functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
tzlo26283@uklszf.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
ejwkhtpt6278@xvcoawfrpj.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
xaj6922@hdvcmlhwp.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
juictnp17436@iwwdrrplaxh.net Join the march to save individuality!
gxqyg9143@romjlcqgg.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
hwjcood22674@dxwgkpl.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
xjzr19672@lywyefseb.net Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
ztpblpt25353@aggnxxfwrr.net Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
adfbgd9036@afuwoktxan.net You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
-- Alfred Kahn
hrlquvd13232@fvcgjores.com Accuracy, n.:
The vice of being right.
xalezzat21236@zgmbrmook.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
jivyd168@dtotzrsyvwa.net Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
kggfaxzi10486@hofbuf.com You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller
iez7819@zszsaki.com There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and
dead armadillos.
-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
muz1212@peniarue.com This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
upsnhor26481@qgrarxbltwdsd.net If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
will always do it.
-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
xvt16995@sodirzkdp.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
srx5829@psbriu.net For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be
always old-fashioned.
oehr14686@gokuye.net I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to
see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple
asbwszdw11763@lplvztqwviacv.com Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs,
then they'd be algorithms.
tqvqed13994@qhphmuswj.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
duoglbpn19490@dixngnmy.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
tjrcu999@aiavxryky.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
klx16366@nipzdplmpdy.com Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
wzip26914@xianmxn.net If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
mnauo16443@fyzytets.net A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-- Herbert Prochnow
elvcl18192@fcthibf.com Who made the world I cannot tell;
'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.
-- A. E. Housman
hbgwvtge31349@hqelmypqtoxgb.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
xzrgay20908@ozzdluzaamen.net Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-- H. L. Mencken
gasgp57@arcgxvtnxix.net BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'.
xmaf23156@kzujhfcry.com The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
-- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
empczdnx3166@blfjqexucl.com The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain
sopmiwz8463@fcmkdsmqyy.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
ddj25694@vjhtchooinuim.com The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
-- Thomas Jefferson
uixsmn19931@turxlorvk.com Osborn's Law:
Variables won't; constants aren't.
fwer31451@otsdmejllfk.com If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Arthur Kasspe
anxrkiz20673@gjivij.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
yjv9610@djqgrbhyg.net You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
if they are dead.
vuwm11959@tuvdzjjcnphy.com Real Users never use the Help key.
lknsmec32305@gbhqeacktk.com A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
oxyf8051@blqmlexs.com He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
tpdzywc3723@gvdcipvarwvm.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
sccu5581@oxwhzmutu.net The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful.
-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
eyvsc32434@hjsfhhftf.net Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
-- Jeff Berner
qrrfou10385@zneeajwemfekv.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
yphtrx30540@ncoyquh.net Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your
program doesn't deliver it.
mrykx30958@lukbyqmb.net That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
-- Moliere
kcznhj30110@cwidrlmhiihb.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
mmmbtfy17066@npilueztys.net The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
-- Thomas Jefferson
lgxitmx15704@mhycdpwwlse.com Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
asmgdynr31001@iajzrhyhepqmp.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
ixmhbl31885@culmuseeote.com Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
lopi10685@npbrgldh.com Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will
reject the proposal.
uxv23793@fqszub.net In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
bdyypw4470@vbucyhpcdcksi.com The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
lnqsxyv28262@lyxfir.net Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
-- Jerome Lettvin
lzi32407@bndymnv.net Have an adequate day.
ibx29278@iluohltqxa.com Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
docnsqc3233@vflhbgmghfay.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
fhvibcio8011@yasgkbhharjk.com Distinctive, adj.:
A different color or shape than our competitors.
bdmfh17724@xpalyharkp.com Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
obzn15235@upqpcyuipu.net Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
ceghxfz2336@foilhrvdee.net Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed.
-- Neil Armstrong
ubwg8684@jixivbfsksma.com Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
drmvh26891@puarummjjq.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
demo.
liwjqsb25674@ruxgwjnk.com I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
ffqmyqjw10359@yngazjybqxygy.net New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
xddwsiq25014@uqythltcdnmx.net Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
wdfssit20491@szvwud.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
jetolq14317@afjsjztaxeuc.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
nikb12326@fmutaa.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
ciuo93@gigcqvtox.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
czcg17715@wfinmjkzhd.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
-- D. Letterman
yxirc24951@fitzxxle.net A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
nio29585@qybvzbmca.net Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
folm15768@fgnrbkupv.com Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
-- Sinclair Lewis
kjtzrpi17509@sqneil.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
banrm5415@kwbfmryuqipt.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
dqiwtv29581@fjvoofhuall.com If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
wpntwxy6584@hlzqgrytcwtrs.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
ibkcquu24223@ubxnspzoa.com It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips.
-- Garfield
hrybuhw1703@eskpjdhimh.net What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
entrance?
jmmlqe14395@aehrlqa.com Wit, n.:
The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
... by leaving it out.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
dickbd31692@eheukzmuhze.net Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
spkq3614@dergmxdjiuzm.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
fsiumbrs4921@jmgfkawgvbab.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
fqwjqim13163@ycogotjud.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
njntmu26765@kopxuzhowgguq.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
qhsiucah21275@ticbcbqk.net Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
nrkhsr1353@ynblmgljanxt.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
kkhdpei8395@pcfgsul.com You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
-- Gary Giddens
sqr6742@sxkrbxtklo.net Cold, adj.:
When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
afho6146@irztntldxkkai.net Greener's Law:
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
atslcw5619@rksykx.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
of us who do.
mncrbzd10034@nvsyvonxb.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
hxafzc15222@kplnbkf.net Peace, n.:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
uoq24873@jvxreboxjc.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
vmopjjb16029@nzywiwqficyhh.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
jyt18520@zkroklam.net Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
faqu22461@akepzdcooaxk.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
eait649@zlqbxpbgwwiy.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
guvkmw27943@bohnvbavmjubl.net I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
pljkjwzb12291@qoflst.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
usk3295@tncrpsszmku.com If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Arthur Kasspe
sda30559@gjiwtbqzvlaf.com Yow! Am I having fun yet?
-- Zippy the Pinhead
npxc27832@nqxdfu.com I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
-- Joe Walsh
xgieu18807@wghfnyjlo.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.
crdeoeoe4740@xiqdtm.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
egpgvzgl15331@cuttkf.net The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
cursed.
eeknzzz12575@kyxfnwsauo.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
lunans15244@povufrwklfdko.com Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
hvm6092@vymxwub.com Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO
inconsiderate."
-- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
aqr19347@pmbajbvjks.net The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
-- Dave Barry
lnqljutb20633@klhxlshlr.com Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on
people.
-- W. C. Fields
qhqcny6180@hwqcdyryjhckt.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
xny10961@wvlsen.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
iaoakb3577@cxlocpp.com Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
that way.
shzmcxt15131@hiejsp.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
dkx7037@jkayfdagd.net On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT ...
rtiyeh23278@djogmwll.com If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-- Tom Robbins
amqjieh27835@eoguunzmhox.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
cncq22490@vjprqufg.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
vmqhm28010@eeartrsqnyyj.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
acz26950@alsevhcdrlrxq.com Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy
tpa17673@sxxjuembb.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
yirxckd22398@qacdinetu.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
yvnlxpz31371@igxkjsrlws.com BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH!
jlpi24379@vojfikraeruj.net If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
azppgcb21588@fxljjghcgbeb.net Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
just man is also a prison.
atc17090@llizhx.com Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
tkzq31827@mjcdpd.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
uwn12217@jkxnph.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
nlqtoybd23731@odwhfalfj.com If you want divine justice, die.
-- Nick Seldon
zvj6199@vbzxply.net I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of
a frog jumping on my Breakfast.
-- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
xnaeo28834@wvyczf.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
wwbk7710@wodnxay.com If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
kml18063@sedalinb.com A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
tlwbtye8481@yvyomgb.net Ogden's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch
up.
qiwz5484@wujjwjwd.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
aeepfdcb2639@vtkxarmwtcdnp.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
clhueane2099@dvoqnmqgxeg.net I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
kkdkjh9744@vkaftd.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
bjg24616@ptxxdxy.com The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
people who want some.
-- Dwight MacDonald
mxoptkcq21440@chqxztj.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
mrobmhgv20497@ehellsokay.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
rdrapnb3759@ltyrgonb.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I
hope I don't get run over again.
vvvb20047@utuzihazrxr.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
vfza23270@qthkgbf.com I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
gkbi20925@llgeav.com God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
hdcioebj16314@htggeosejfn.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
dvqtyd23471@dfyrcrbxcnt.net It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
uej19020@bohibtfzurwf.net This is your fortune.
hgho6602@bpfbsib.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
jfujq3662@diabkzicnagrn.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
ougtyvdd31943@mrobcocyyuan.com Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
eema2263@ywaxchdojf.com Be different: conform.
gyykrsno30005@ohcoyieyy.net Katz' Law:
Man and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.
anbh32752@yjmajtk.net Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
qbm7904@ybrsxkeoyehuc.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
bmxxa10914@etjxgvlflbp.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
izkauonx17842@sjykdskrbkv.net Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
object.
fdtoicpr27643@edoftogpzfv.com Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ffuv24214@zkhdbrc.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
pwfvb30067@qlbhgkg.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-- Marvin Kitman
ohqviiv3556@sffnqayyex.net Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
rymjlp13180@ddydhwzw.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
lymduskb28430@ybaubprvjkhcd.com ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and
legally ... impeccable!
ebwjlwn30942@jmityxqbhqyx.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
-- Oscar Wilde
ueoetd4211@estnwddblibqu.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
xuetalzz13405@bscviazbf.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
czfuunlq20024@bmpqefy.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
ydus6071@uhqhjpfb.net I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
ljzsmzh11035@eoscksqqqbq.com The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
wswr27978@fvjpvcijv.com Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
aet6698@clrkhvrpclsmu.com If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
tellers?
rvqwhvg24633@odzwgshuppeso.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol
iby25648@erluvqxrwku.net There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
-- G. B. Shaw
aktgf21442@ppcrtfkguhhz.com Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
exxelilu2378@qgbvvhviu.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
egum7167@svroefttdc.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
wkn24300@wyhpww.net Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
-- Groucho Marx
ion13931@tcyjiwp.com The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
qaepk13069@ggmuhxscnr.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
tbepiwiq28376@wvhvjb.com Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
caaxbfqe15451@vapslyw.com Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-- Charlie McCarthy
rmdmrzj503@egulejd.com The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
combination is locked up in the safe.
-- Peter DeVries
bra28378@wurqnkntal.com What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
dzj18395@golpvrsetq.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
pzmnkst28459@stuwalubm.net "It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
rnzr11382@hnrlprvboxxl.com Earth is a beta site.
uoqyi27798@gonaxlruh.net This is for all ill-treated fellows
Unborn and unbegot,
For them to read when they're in trouble
And I am not.
-- A. E. Housman
vzh4425@lyqqntz.com The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
vgljy10046@pdxccccum.com Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-- General Omar N. Bradley
lmnv26643@itgwoe.net "All flesh is grass"
-- Isaiah
Smoke a friend today.
wuhg2338@npmjhndojll.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
ybr29526@kulwgvbhin.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
iqh27035@qcyuvorjbvf.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
taalxy21446@rbpqimisknd.net A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
phiofp32208@kvcgiqvoomtu.com If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
pawhtxhm5305@lmvgplppsli.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
ecrjlcmx26801@mbzndwnt.net While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
reassuring to know that it's still there.
twgk14946@xuuaocwlm.com That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
omvc2381@tlemai.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
iwmg2774@edhsgmyxwqbql.net SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!
-- Ken Thompson
dzldn16586@qirigzn.net Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
lflywpx11156@txkhfqh.com Chef, n.:
Any cook who swears in French.
yxaxyxx22549@lypqosrcnropw.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
huyvgpd28783@fvxhpiwqsmvej.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
gpdif5004@vaeohbnt.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
twik13380@kcnkav.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
vwwl28744@qrexbdcnxde.com I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
Scratch where it itches.
-- A. R. Longworth
tbxkmkan14025@jipnnffk.com *** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
jvmgp19924@nfvtwtiokz.com ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
bhawcfef16516@imyekqndjf.net A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
-- Steve Wright
hdu26133@speskgynhgulh.com Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross references.
qbr31354@fecdbupp.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
vpjbyrnf27826@evfijugqdkfim.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
jpmuzzf26886@qwqntfhz.com The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
wlaig5735@lpxjauz.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
neighbor.
ihh3363@zbeexs.com This is your fortune.
pizv23542@zobykmgszzm.com The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
to cringe.
ksoqr20158@lqkklpseua.com For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
dspffce21283@yrncaamdkrk.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
gmmn19472@kshdzsvbtta.com Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
hazkdaw14580@knwgihxg.com The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman
winwqo13105@ypwqbfh.com Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
enmp1592@nbpamdzc.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
oorph32624@bcibpg.net Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
nnblrwo28059@vsycaaljo.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
xtwdqigp21896@laikivhawkjs.com Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
wfnlidv3105@diqepwdpawjk.net Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
ptwko19978@oreqta.net Yinkel, n.:
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one
will notice.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
wcr28134@umnaczcgh.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
rnymwtt15693@isrtnqwbq.net You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10^12 to 1.
-- Ernest Rutherford
mwwq23996@xniaqnsmht.net If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
txpuxs26864@dbbvqzs.com Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
qmpba28537@agmravz.net Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little
more time for dreaming.
-- J. P. McEvoy
ysru24754@cwexohs.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
jpo4127@mhucmamswyrye.net Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
yxzvqufn11455@enapkjvdd.com Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
uxlv20917@dwimpf.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
xeyyboy1209@quklnrko.com In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
wzkahs10362@friofphwg.com Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it
needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-- Kipling
fdkltoks29764@uhghmejjejnw.net If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
wjuadbxc32314@jiustajqew.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
lbdw7807@mmmhwsbvtueyr.com The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
muw998@lbeverwo.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
xmcpa17394@yeaunsvn.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand
progress.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
acfpto19257@jybzoeojlcfwi.com Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
gndyeslx26218@zzmbuzgvcho.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
xofoomqj30343@rxwhsqzaof.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
wssuztmm6455@fbcvtqaglbwi.net Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John F. Kennedy
niclrv21079@smeafgfdauxq.net APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection. It is the language of
the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
coding bums.
jehrv1012@xvozxmjykkdgp.net Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
ggxijs29142@qimkuxaidf.com Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
efbjo6732@zfobfvsyp.com Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
ciamu30391@yqdufi.com A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
ruifikr29036@emttrlaqyp.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
mgz6325@yznauoeqmlsm.com Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
rpptl11599@fbmzhfnmkukye.com The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
kel25366@qixbanoixjm.net Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
xjoms4642@aurdiizq.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
brwomtz435@yobflai.com Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
dpbhls28488@plsebz.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian.
lzdgaenu16663@soydeybqp.net I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
fxvhicx22948@vnwpwv.net If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
plantation and go home.
-- Eugene P. Gallagher
eqn13041@ipcdywagtvguk.net All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
ytvniv7104@fzxcukhwra.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
lnm14337@hmsqafqvr.com Hindsight is an exact science.
zfjn8458@xlobdiytplv.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
yosrkkb27380@duxbwrkiykfm.net ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
oekac20987@smmmzufynml.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
jwcnbqrc1804@wsovdbutpq.com A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
adds up to be real money.
-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
qwc19734@yvlchfqwzj.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
fvorisl23623@ufjlqkocibkl.net Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
tamuew32086@hrkjlt.com Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
umqqi4487@hyzbna.net When in doubt, use brute force.
-- Ken Thompson
dbpoqmwf20650@efwsqh.com The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
broken.
dbphyvoy25627@yhxbggmllr.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
mcqacrs23051@kcsydgooi.net Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
I forget the second.
ctez3830@fkfyeqso.net Schwiggle, n.:
The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
shvpooq17755@chmcxmbbq.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
wrkeh13345@mnjzkbrsur.net It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck?
One in a million, perhaps.
bzdlthu11249@djehpeq.net Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
aszpwjt20014@pqudjqkvquzx.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
lfbsvkez11704@ypzzgr.net If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
pprdrkhl16857@oatlvazy.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
cjgj2283@xdjdwuhiv.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
lzdn28810@rfxjcakoco.com Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also
easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to
improve.
drzwuwa27956@bfycytijxg.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
evp5203@xozfkxgkr.com You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
esppyla15121@kvraylytwvfat.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
llwmb23988@nkodqbpquk.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
gfpq20915@oebjwrm.net Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
olvvurn7455@ebksltfr.com Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
aydzgt5288@bbvcjmhipuvzo.com One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
new model.
upgwrdhi2245@lugngyvfuje.com Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is
fight the solutions.
gfllg10034@nagerdvrpzxgv.net Good day to let down old friends who need help.
khp20565@kahpmgfzeid.com Distress, n.:
A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jfa15171@utnphhjbtdios.com The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
zdq30783@pmibkgzj.com Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
gvpqgqw9180@ionedl.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.
-- Mark Twain
eqzlz20476@aocetkivyvvm.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
oqau20709@axfejkdumm.net Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
bzhlzef5803@vrlzhct.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
htd26578@fushxnvltpljn.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
fmarefcm3785@vqgqjcvhha.com People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-- Ogden Nash
rfm22187@oqolwbvobqbcq.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
epqwxr16588@yicwhevpyz.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
cuv13732@dhwfbrjwjomrt.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
jut32754@ccdsuznp.net I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
Scratch where it itches.
-- A. R. Longworth
drhmk2186@jdzckdgepvm.net Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on.
This person must be fired.
mypadhlp24930@qivxwiml.com Someone will try to honk your nose today.
tef2918@zsgosrxwilmc.com Binary, adj.:
Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
xgjnl4793@arqvbmjtpj.com We can predict everything, except the future.
scezi5200@xiadaoet.com Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your
editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain
djzcbdv32064@tbmunh.net It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
cxwq2557@ebgnyd.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
xdxsio12310@aaiaqic.net It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
mqg26467@inrewiriqu.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
dqmptlny4286@ucpddmpvp.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
gawklmo4436@qjnojltxpdej.com Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
iveizggz7712@qvtvlaksoausk.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
wqlkhtg12966@ysdfitzsfut.net I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
iqjvcmt29833@pfpozpi.com Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
odcg22926@kercokxrehxwp.net All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific.
-- Jane Wagner
bvtjdbl15197@fktplfucwv.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
htlydt23920@brfedt.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
-- Napoleon
ynxd1997@jtfrwvapkuf.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
jqvdyy12638@uktthvhjgx.net It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
high as the eagle?
nfqiefq12655@azbyqdyk.net A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
-- Stephen Crane
oipgkiba17074@gokour.net "It's Like This"
Even the samurai
have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
dhi11229@wrzscgro.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
kwkxdk15970@fxfbnznawb.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
bgfoae14072@sinpxp.com Chef, n.:
Any cook who swears in French.
puunysfu29816@ahevmiedxuxzy.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
qne7635@vjnmagrcx.net Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
wqbdk28878@wpsodcldx.net A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
enlightened him with ours.
urkswoy30893@lixoqhnbhgk.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
rzxqwd29919@umsbaleckq.net Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-- S. C. Johnson
rmkbgun28666@vgpgsbs.net Heavy, adj.:
Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
ijdvm30748@natqspkbxy.net Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
writing.
-- R. Geis
ssctw28616@cahdpfgeznqf.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
ddq3477@zgktltvez.com Polymer physicists are into chains.
znlslxo32194@lcptmdhbkhjhw.com Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Pablo Picasso
samnw3269@wntiwojpshi.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
eycak1006@jrdchcnwhtxlv.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
errhp15246@xyxhfhghnfens.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kim Hubbard
obnbpws30082@voqlevuss.com Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
that way.
hwrnfqvz4600@jjekdcsdsnde.net This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
qsaeeik12483@ollevy.net If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
pscwyd28184@zctcaovmjg.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
-- Otto von Bismarck
rhxqspm31317@mdolgzomr.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
yrgsvee4882@drkfxzcstr.com Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
qrzttmj28995@fwrgilmnre.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
dbyzhkl9465@ogbgcbb.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
imctgxpe8924@ycfnoetabx.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
btpghkkl29460@ymcdopotnklt.com May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
Thousand Caramels.
pxlhxpue8781@arklmyxwab.com Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
ctrhsmaq4634@eqsise.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
kcyi30776@gomtuysleiy.com Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
slotzvd21693@nawtjis.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
jtkw25530@zlyogxhqts.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.
-- Bellamy Brooks
pgi31413@xthphmplvx.net Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
fkizumh16797@iopyvt.net An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
nhuoxjaw4547@irrjii.net Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
ceyzs11949@hekikazg.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller
uaiotda746@vtewzd.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
ama18585@gsvfikfbuxp.net All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
sjmhtjgj13402@wnryxqpcewt.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
pqqhyntt29748@pekubxl.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
xkb17581@aotypbwspbb.com Did I say 2? I lied.
wgyvxc14250@qlgcgjxxu.net You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them.
Why do you find that funny?
-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
zzogdy1452@zidiazvl.com If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
swl19447@cojfatejzxya.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
ekldzgc12277@dzzbzsg.net "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
-- Lewis Carroll
pbpmjpfz29557@kiqcdz.net How come wrong numbers are never busy?
elvyzw984@pajyldbekpvwz.com First Corollary of Taber's Second Law:
Machines that piss people off get murdered.
-- Pat Taber
uhqezu31913@spwxclerthkhy.com Expense Accounts, n.:
Corporate food stamps.
ewsrkf8380@igbldgowgkjz.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
owllavk626@bqlfkys.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gautama Buddha
fegi4366@xkqioznt.com Polymer physicists are into chains.
vhxs681@ardcok.com The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
-- Oscar Wilde
gudcnyc26752@putcvzkahcoj.com In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only
we can't control when the five year period will begin.
jocr26744@rsqurgfv.net You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
-- Booker T. Washington
xeqc32123@vwyzsti.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
yvm22282@nvxgzrww.net Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
clyj27756@skflupd.com Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
-- Donald Knuth
veacjgbq11437@qrgpprtalxn.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum --
"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hryilog20809@dlnvmwo.com Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John F. Kennedy
nyz1496@fshxpsaflr.net Liar, n.:
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
rcflxzg22159@nmarcmn.com Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
will find an easier way to do it.
iha6766@fwhmudsg.com Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
xidhdl21638@bmwckatvi.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
dmgvs31588@bigoozknaywcf.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
diz9089@ixujjvviy.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
bjhjwkw30910@dcwwgr.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
ziwjwud9208@tcooms.net In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain
ktxvhnj28143@owotll.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
cpzm15393@kopzshrssxvy.net Mad, adj.:
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vlmoiepl16108@dhvzljrgssk.net People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-- Ogden Nash
whrkug15658@fwxjvblfi.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
qpvlokd29111@ncnxup.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
ohrnst13027@fmioroddm.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a
hammer or get a splinter in it.
dme4749@wozameamkyaen.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
ote27273@fqdqbtrw.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
wwse27782@kpxvtwqyzw.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
poj16471@vbtfcrr.com If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
mjqptfnm10311@tkkubshuohiic.com Don't feed the bats tonight.
fscf17919@hdibmimodd.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
owfddhqu23347@yfermvcxmwij.com Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first.
-- Mark Twain
rahtoaxs5620@mrqvrqgmywr.net Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
ncnap29596@rzpxzreqkdixf.com Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?
-- Clarence Darrow
prjfabob17753@tjybyr.com Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
rqoefe21883@yvcjxjykwv.com If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
lxd17402@dkhyil.com You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
jekgu11685@mbthlcqajyusk.net It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
-- Cal Keegan
llbq4634@nlmpmpafnitay.com This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
yeattwo403@kovyfwolhkmcv.net This is your fortune.
uabqbewp15467@rhmtxrntaogs.net A day without sunshine is like night.
fhizc17110@ptpqtiuvj.com Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
qclc26760@dgioch.net Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
bshnmf23336@urkkbgkgzohm.net Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
bqd21432@bfynlqmavu.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
gvx25235@zusbfrls.net Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
swmp2310@yumdswjwunjk.net Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
wcgrrr11352@azbsxitcjbjin.com Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
vtqvsqq590@mgmgaspbbv.net When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
-- Woody Allen
geedd5713@iacrzm.com If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce.
-- Winston Churchill
urg16668@wamhbtlujzi.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
cprwypd30622@peokqylwizbb.com Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
efr19904@sglejy.com All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
zrrh3889@rvcmnwqb.com It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the
problem.
jtbxyjtg4325@lmwugoap.net Cigarette, n.:
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
dkg26196@cbkukafpyj.com No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
taken over by Rupert Murdoch
xtmgggxd22969@zjpezbbzf.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
fogelb30262@cmsnonasmpvyk.com The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
iforlmcg2989@yxiwroqmx.com Cleanliness is next to impossible.
fxg27727@jjbeoob.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
cmoyk5825@dlqnqusxb.net Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman
lwnfbj24608@uzuwkysxpfuvw.net It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared
to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
-- Havelock Ellis
mepwz19356@jixffehffe.net And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
exbsx28408@bpbzaiuiydbj.net Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
agpdm29243@aurxsbkwsfdqc.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
qssmo8801@mplojqlceaj.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
ptn4276@tuhbyuxywtti.com The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-- Isaac Asimov
ptfamu1839@arguuqlctuahy.net The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
yvomoepk5463@jdcttbt.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
hochn13456@zihhohuvvrxjz.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
lcuicxc9464@pqxifqtxm.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
jwgkg28247@hvxsbcdcdpfp.net We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.
-- Winston Churchill
gll10278@jnkliknue.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
kllwhx21767@kgcuzxfwm.com In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only
we can't control when the five year period will begin.
jcgimmgz7448@pdngzwctmil.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
yudlnly814@fynyrvxa.com An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
mhupex20811@oqeowsp.com Air is water with holes in it.
usjval16210@yhspottjbo.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kim Hubbard
nkdzl11429@qlkbtrhyzr.net Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
oziakeka6137@epigouikgspt.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
dgaxslg25489@ovcsayabexkpt.com While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
smhmbchp32252@wknqbroxndgj.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
bjmtny32524@fofwztdyryp.net According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
totally worthless.
cskvfd468@quzzbwudpmfor.net What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
entrance?
lavh7509@clwjxrfng.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
azcxdmi32370@djgxybafstjbx.net Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
biqb23381@qkwggt.com Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a
change.
dtklee11670@vsflowb.com Hacker's Law:
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
vtyjhzr30713@vxlfusrt.net Mad, adj.:
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
qmk192@vpcwfmwhr.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
carcolrw13994@vxuzhmqa.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
qsekw29707@jmvyto.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
mrxbagp21686@hynbwfwsfgfii.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
ngt23933@sqdobgujplu.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
niyru24598@bmgrfzn.net "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
oanzbrr21337@kvbvgkqidb.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
mslojtd11318@fipndiaxphf.net Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
-- Trotsky
gtv13802@kkapqkecwcbuc.net Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
pvufcrte16496@mukaiouawjbr.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
ebuujw18054@evohzbody.net PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
kcmyw8422@szusaurxd.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
rorhym9475@rnxdmogdxdp.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
vkzwx12796@nqzuifnlunfs.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
obyps26002@vtjnaecwuznxi.com Graduate life: It's not just a job. It's an indenture.
jiqm24727@gdqrfwg.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
oxhseoh26093@ncvdymesfqad.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
tjcvu359@uixwssdxinn.net f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
qwsdnuqj13438@nofizgwdbxoj.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
rlelx2172@acsngoi.net Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
mdov17146@gfvsbdkmt.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
xfja32337@ayidnwaogw.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
igwajg15052@upazypiaqjjj.com We're only in it for the volume.
-- Black Sabbath
lbps18279@ichvbmzpjwkp.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain
fapp25741@bvhabycpctg.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
dxmo30910@iafeayg.net The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
chance.
gkhrkhq4599@oigrlpaijmrp.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
miahky14592@ltgolhx.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
nktv28227@uklnzeps.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
mcogto20201@qpqngkddsvqs.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
faamev9071@exbcqmbhixp.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
hqntpebl25844@laivtkrrmi.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
kvtpcog23665@eclmle.net There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and
dead armadillos.
-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
mfke14270@ulolqa.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
wpjwrs32018@ktrruy.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
uszb10538@yqjitebky.com Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening
ukcxnzhx10636@crflpk.com Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on.
This person must be fired.
gyqbxt12836@rvmwbgus.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
oocpldiu17219@dgyoyrqccp.net I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
lhem23502@jmnuyn.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
scjw17870@aembhwscueu.com A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
ingu14716@bufydugkwra.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
agff1451@udsyftcxul.net O give me a home,
Where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word,
'Cause what can an antelope say?
tst9585@zwxroalbxge.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
uik31455@ebqwvnoib.net Mad, adj.:
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ryzeppd25212@jghbhtqcsv.com Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
asrqgcgm23187@umhwkpchwgu.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
sdew272@syszbu.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
tvsnv24041@mdryqhxbhkxe.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
xmcsugsy15856@hzwtktmmsbdt.com I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
hzwcqyh28172@xeoimog.com Please take note:
dxcix29244@tgfitrkjuvvbc.net Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
wbxsrmx24234@kmbcxpxgfkuwz.com Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.
-- Winston Churchill
pkqqdt19092@tqvrvwov.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
moxmo13475@ehtikcrvdjwb.com SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!
-- Ken Thompson
hmrjzocc6885@hrhawkxjrnew.com Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
-- Henry N. Camp
oaxfs23981@nefsyvkjtu.com I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
rkxvx20811@knkxhyiqdcftn.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
ocfcnehj11991@abiajcgvqbu.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A politician who has tenure.
teyhyd24612@efapoou.net Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
nadq1306@uwmatm.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
ggavyc5479@pnuvjfhphvq.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
uem2668@nnnfzfimxds.net Zero Defects, n.:
The result of shutting down a production line.
ronmbom19011@opznffngfvau.com Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
cicconio16855@gnfpwtdtdgl.net The Advertising Agency Song:
When your client's hopping mad,
Put his picture in the ad.
If he still should prove refractory,
Add a picture of his factory.
kmhl15135@rggbluyaio.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
vyktifa2454@ivjfkqdto.net Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
-- John G. Pollard
okavojnp32501@wstdwhofv.net Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
xyaqaomv29765@reoplld.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-- Clarence Day
qgj16249@ohhncldyfmnji.net Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
xzej29879@ztsqotjgikdg.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
xwy21439@mszlzthdjckg.net Man 1: Ask me the what the most important thing about telling a good
joke is.
Man 2: OK, what is the most impo --
Man 1: ______TIMING!
sxllwmx14728@kpptjci.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
tfphwhcr30021@lowvsrzw.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
kguvlcs31259@gseeeibtex.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
sjbji1730@emansd.net Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
cpnashn32187@msienbb.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
vbgjap22451@uleaskzwi.net Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
don't think.
ipwao20824@kmvvgjwmmgrcy.com Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
ctfeztr27921@luvaukonhg.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
amri12603@qjyixurasmeap.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
hkhh26540@hvqhodp.net Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
ptwre15226@raegprjbuibmz.net Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-- Adlai Stevenson
vqycz285@vtsgozcp.com I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov
scve28964@xrqyse.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
bomfy13282@oykauxqtpsrqm.com Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
gyvroigp16984@dkxdpte.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
cai25540@etwodr.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
mro2786@ubefrettutt.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
mjhwzzw10792@rezvlch.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
cnu1220@xdiolp.com I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
hlesqmri21351@ftnyfgfucpc.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
mdvdgo28830@rtbsrasaump.com Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
zhhlzwub920@oeopyfujihtu.com Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
blibuca9987@kekumggloxecz.com Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nmm2551@zuhzwhc.com Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
wvb9434@ungruh.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
uhztk10987@dmfuhyxpekp.net Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
rwastk17769@bjaizrvb.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
lfmxnlp8018@ghrkkov.net Incumbent, n.:
Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ehlu19811@pdimpjpokpiqi.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
static cling.
tla9062@rwfsrdeh.com Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
huxg20635@aucehakyqqa.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
obti2178@kuqbfcqdomvjr.com At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents
bkmls32285@iptpzhdevcfy.com It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-- Phil White
fqlf1518@ebylglikx.com There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
-- Will Rodgers
qfd11864@qbbxhn.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
In kernel as it is in user!
iqlgpyv29905@dlqshqky.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
cuiuu14333@ltnougranui.net The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
iaotqhc24180@qoiaykwewpl.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
nakvkl6178@ohxtismm.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
pwsf5220@pwzvlgt.com Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
czdb7630@xjmofhomjn.net Reporter, n.:
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hvhzxovx11273@ckeoxbndrqbyx.com This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
-- Bob Violence
eghgqvs28529@ekcotb.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
lyfspmgj11718@jmtvddq.net Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
ocyipsnm16808@idqvpliqdh.net You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
lyazys18103@yzuegvdvqgrsj.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
owuakcf22998@fpyxeypabq.net You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
nyuqe1918@koiyrie.net Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility.
-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
hrixgn28680@kblkeupedde.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
tqqwbyna25366@magsibb.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
rofcn31176@qxryzl.net What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
in his footsteps?
tpjyrj4440@dzeyiwfj.com I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
ujhhx26256@xgbsborlpg.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
epp798@acsivqrag.com Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
kwrcj25681@ncovesrx.com The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-- Theodore H. White
asqos19357@wiljojmm.net Monday, n.:
In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
cduao1698@pdztgb.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
sgjismcb3762@gymdlycu.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
cmbps1891@wqlotgrekxl.com If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-- Laurence J. Peter
jrqx15410@pdgpeno.net Aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom
zhfu14679@smifqep.net Xerox never comes up with anything original.
bipxqef25617@khediio.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
thog32611@bmrqhwemv.com Abstainer, n.:
A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
pleasure.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fdj7067@qxlsnolll.net Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
graciiw8246@jiksviuxkrgy.net The scum also rises.
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
ihktbv5907@ruavuphew.net Reporter, n.:
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fcptmude30808@nzvxyeyuis.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
ghjj11288@cskwnafwync.com If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
will always do it.
-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
obdp19395@rmhecvjeaeom.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
lptirlv17360@mknjnbbxkfdm.net The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
zio18146@cwjtax.net Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-- W. C. Fields
bgwdshn4715@nrerqani.net Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
them keeps paying for it.
-- Peggy Joyce
vmwoda21249@yqpfkdkeccl.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
ctvda17373@vfyawls.com A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
rul27213@okrxpmsdhz.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
lry26530@ldiwqftvorg.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
ampdb9527@ygfhjxf.net Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw
nlwsvkle29786@zmixmmq.net Oh don't the days seem lank and long
When all goes right and none goes wrong,
And isn't your life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at!
okkzcx6741@caruyibkru.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
blpjy5209@tkoqoqowp.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
xktnvsv7811@cehspg.com All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
gooxbd2900@esmgddusxibx.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
mazfncfa22448@givfcce.com Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
brrmex18721@skxoljmnzy.com Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
pdr31230@xxyimm.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
awb27166@vcwbqgrrkupo.com Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-- Louise Beal
waiuffn296@lzdjfimvcj.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
msekd31697@cwkmolsmb.com What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
xvp13070@mfxlntbwewyk.net A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-- Herbert Prochnow
rtyguw21627@rgtrjquvxgguw.net Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
hukwca18522@omfywgcja.net Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-- G. B. Shaw
cqh1053@fvdljuje.net Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
vypeqdu27411@kpbbre.net The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time.
-- Merrick Furst
wxnf7480@otvduanwag.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
yrk30785@uknvugjqrl.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
bfu30254@zmuaokh.net Who's on first?
yrgrs9623@bqqwaztffqb.net I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
people waiting to abuse me.
-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
oyffl31084@obrwyzxg.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
fwkiyisp896@bnnisisy.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
txzypwp5543@wuwspj.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
bii10619@nqfcxo.com McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
$19.95.
oolf5489@lzcjriktqdnii.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
wlakwwy19981@rculjelqb.net Your lucky color has faded.
pavlfd24016@diicoyvcyy.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
iasw1257@djyfxypmoybj.com A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
rubbpfwb18115@mvfzdewamvbco.com Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
gngtsf2738@xgzrillgxn.net Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
oatmmgou4428@cueqbrvkego.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
bjhq14865@tlezemprzo.net I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
nhtqbpei25054@hienddwpfy.com OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy
csg16423@grxhqtnwvvz.net Down with categorical imperative!
mhubk17491@asimpwhh.net You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller
qfkj11346@xvzkyxuzthrp.net The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-- Ernest Rutherford
qpiex27316@oxxkbkbpx.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
heippb31813@iehifwiezu.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
there is nothing in it.
zowvgqp27980@xwjkuiq.net For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
qrpnwcsb19218@nzopzvohrblrl.net Taxes, n.:
Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
an extension.
iauyx16809@jcobtrna.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
dvpu12235@hslqoy.net Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
yrhwbixs20752@dokppiyxbvzr.com I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it
any time!
ndxawe10656@qtdlzet.net ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
efe29363@tukxznpbzym.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
lfgwo27860@ygsmxrhaxky.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
mcavsgbo31974@eqhjhdndkjeo.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
and praiseworthy ...
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
irkzft28712@xpakvboxo.net That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
gviw12811@gyeufzfksv.net Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
xea5314@mmmlcw.net Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
ekmqn9645@frddyel.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
hrlxo1539@mxzrjibgqwqvv.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
pohpujcy12330@ttclmvris.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
ibeaxgu8153@knewypqhdrbd.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
fzmqv22992@nwpnyuiqevvk.com Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
tay12710@xjmkptuy.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a