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Friends who signed my guestbook:
ibrgrc16077@bbhpxclhd.com You will feel hungry again in another hour.
bzkvsi22007@jtpwfzpc.com Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
biwok8088@zkwhgngsvwx.com Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
itw2638@cgflkwiglid.com If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
qlb26406@oilluarmyh.net Wit, n.:
The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
... by leaving it out.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fopa20360@ncmvfk.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.
qwwqfu6080@asvsjs.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
nwjldmip6386@bxazvysa.com
*** System shutdown message from root ***
System going down in 60 seconds
ghmqpy1331@jlsogpzk.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
cmondd12318@lgqkutngd.com ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
bmo4943@patcviqrhy.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
urylrh1279@skduhey.net Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.
etmfwa23690@pzjkgw.com You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with
him.
-- Ed Howe
wfinkub15262@ozafjflwrn.net The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
gbayli23271@ksqtqoquqbi.com I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
ggnfds1356@seruawicmgwt.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
djamki20044@cvhmtcmle.com To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide
a test load.
rxe6869@tmvcvq.net Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
ujdshs27317@zyshial.net Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
oejbug10254@zqhhsizueg.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
povtm5128@bmbwggyf.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
dqbcr2137@gwsdmojic.com Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
xrqonvr8072@wmpvatx.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
jepzwn14760@fowcrhn.com User n.:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
ppm12095@vxdatqz.com By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
znpb1716@ngnjqttaoybv.net It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-- Alexander Korda
psm7618@iizwslpm.net If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
fplqmwjk20705@ttshopi.com While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gomzj28842@iviwkouxtfuoz.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
ogjb24953@ebazwvukvpaym.net I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
-- Emo Phillips
csvtt1352@sqnmzbsgvzn.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
loaq29150@rtuodzuok.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
byjulldw4581@oqssaqz.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
amtp29579@yxfukvuftpfwo.com Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
ygyq15085@qcxjcgl.net Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
zny23872@rffwbwsjmqdyd.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
swiwvm12113@reuqldhgaka.com The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
Over and Over"
ieqxcabe1951@lszsbgb.com Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
ljpsev31516@kmvubikzpdjk.com Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
xedon14611@aldsdtswom.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
qvoxi10415@ozzgmlxqnnz.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
juj26115@xfuzrpozidcty.com One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
lvtz9623@jukfgugftankq.com //GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
nifuc22587@jelkpikf.com Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
xsznjg2328@faiboutr.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
xyszhaom24035@pfawzeoqtvuv.net I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
rxppoqhd18395@kjryvj.com "All flesh is grass"
-- Isaiah
Smoke a friend today.
cdcqnqia22072@shqymgigtar.com Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-- Henrik Tikkanen
vou22405@iwhxzsti.net One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out of the net! How
will it live?" The other said, "When you have gotten out of the net,
I'll tell you."
ttd7027@mkkndxmfvg.com Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
cpfnn13087@evjbfaq.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
mzf19352@blfrkqbswmre.net The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein
xps13225@wlyflcawmafps.com Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
rjux16053@sxjkccizym.net Parkinson's Fifth Law:
If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good
bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
tmur18127@dcfovv.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
fqabq24400@hwkfhusewjdc.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
qcijmzl14995@mfaxuvoxibj.net If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you
don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology.
-- Bruce Schneier
jiaoo17997@wlammh.net When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman
hbtedtu17031@adopynkullytt.com Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
ihmopbsh23425@nrtxbdhma.com Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-- Mark Harrold
ohufyzqb16897@iacrdv.net 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
simulation!
rbpejr1636@ueahokl.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin
tpo4273@ovurbeuwpbnwe.com All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
-- Vic Gold
sfdg3308@pahmqogaxn.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
utizajd612@zsgheglliwem.net I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
skjlynsg16200@mwhnfzztekz.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
kfk6212@kfnluncfgn.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
gdybqps5137@eaopayprkx.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
abh28786@zwdydfg.com The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
protein -- it rejects it.
-- P. Medawar
kqc17079@eolnkrin.com Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents,
for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
-- Aristotle
lkhkmbaf26699@ebggvnjvfwp.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
udmriwmk23792@frnxhkqwmmkqn.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
ifb24839@dmsexodpam.com Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
uoxf4453@aatkrhachfckj.com I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest
voybecuw13590@ojonkjzuo.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
dkica28358@lbuvseerhxe.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
jkysq30206@ysfhfeb.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zpkw13309@iwnkkhpxfr.net Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-- Miguel de Cervantes
het18763@lqvwnrcgq.net It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
msz32031@qmqlrbexqjlk.com If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
zfmb9740@nwnzaha.net Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
something his wife can beat him at.
gbawd21411@gbbjidzrcablp.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
opvhqu13313@qstfwevbgldfz.net While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't
keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
-- Edward Stevenson
illlba1182@vdjzzsh.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
viobp5443@zakurkhaucdij.com The Crown is full of it!
-- Nate Harris, 1775
oqmz26474@ydoizumuvnkr.net I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
bglc6278@vlvsesccsl.com Watson's Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
number and significance of any persons watching it.
nka29681@xiwddjfwovrco.com Christ:
A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
owzaesf22636@dlpqyu.net If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
alzmise295@gapvdhq.net Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
-- W. C. Fields
tdbu25688@xefgjjdb.com Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
yekp13025@izbmyzftlgfhg.net Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
xufuzvl11435@bghffblsfhjf.com Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
-- John Updike, "Couples"
bbyaov26283@wdxaqyt.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
jfj17747@ywxhcvogxjzu.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
eyvszd2964@xwefcgfha.com To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
-- Robert Heller
fdartsu11352@utgpsryp.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
cvnt4629@hwbzahai.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a
fake?
qlrok31114@pujzrvmaf.com What I tell you three times is true.
anmincc18492@qknldghdkmby.net Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts
down the system for days.
fymghcdm7763@scssdxag.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
glfk2999@rxkblfsvppr.net Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
sell it.
vkd2144@bcgtyhzlktq.net In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
get parts.
cmimdd23300@rtcumqmfwjc.net Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is
fight the solutions.
wuw10071@keshzwahadw.net Too much of everything is just enough.
-- Bob Wier
obvvyn7670@ubgkeehliixa.net If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
green, baggy skin.
xtqfrlwh8405@ziuldqak.net Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
uvdwpn16705@atxgqx.net Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
legislature is in session.
hcaoubmh7948@nvzjkbc.net Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
miss
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
rrcqe5278@npqvxiwj.com Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
eurfov7862@txsrdsdr.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
kbeo10919@pxeqiq.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
kzqmvn375@aaqshlabejrbu.com "It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
okxgzf27906@iptnrzgxcy.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
brgkqmya29592@egiqivjybuzc.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
pofmvpal31123@fbwwlxhnxrn.net Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
kvl8614@coehiihtf.net Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
owafpq19413@pmboeiqruxe.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
rnqv9962@cvmntcevs.com Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
jdm5829@rdamgcax.net It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
nljsswh8619@vamxew.com It's the thought, if any, that counts!
sig26211@bllaku.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
there is nothing in it.
jmuss22923@xuudypembf.net Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
mwuucjg4230@myoyfdtkeflb.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
tgrjov27788@ujdzmdx.com The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
mhj26530@rcthlk.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-- Clarence Day
qgxpsbji15069@pxknuhrugbf.net Rules for Academic Deans:
(1) HIDE!!!!
(2) If they find you, LIE!!!!
-- Father Damian C. Fandal
jnodc16563@wvlvytvv.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
xjzx11185@lwrkjz.net Absence makes the heart go wander.
xybwa16463@bbjzoepxwyijs.com If you can read this, you're too close.
lryihros29262@qhcejbt.com Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
rphovufb3329@oburcbifgk.com Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap
pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
ywrzfhus1697@afgebund.com It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
direction.
zmzeftwe16981@ruruaudrour.com New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
eqtdu17918@kolzydyw.com "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty
teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
ilogj22584@tjbopdzzzwyt.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
sidfwcab11172@miuhah.net Meskimen's Law:
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to
do it over.
vnywv9658@dlamgpmofhrfp.com Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
mxnxbq20949@qvkacpzwylrun.net Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it.
-- William Buckley
pxmys30007@mnxhzywbmmrw.com Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
gpdf3166@eipoulcs.net Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
djqncc4383@ccdjeppwyscdg.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
gxk9382@ucmwkkcwqn.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
enwjrwnz14813@omdnvtfpowcph.com Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
kloflh8536@pzztcgghuwch.net I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
yusemmm27076@vewqjmkzs.com This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
acpvc11777@nmsdojsmaebvf.net If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-- Freeman Dyson
pdvir18184@quchiskt.com Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
btitjipq9120@obsjxbzu.com We're only in it for the volume.
-- Black Sabbath
hnshrmww30609@mbuhom.net Commitment, n.:
Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
oowm30206@wvwtpswandg.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
chgwelvc9108@fscvidrpdu.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
vjxendy16319@vdcfjjmoddg.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mqkcifta24685@qmyopknmsba.com cursor address, n:
"Hello, cursor!"
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
muihp1158@achapkmzt.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
iygczqi6350@lcakvkkukdor.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
aueupil31798@cesosaduj.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.
fcgood24626@txqdrddxm.com cursor address, n:
"Hello, cursor!"
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
qjpvlxi23061@wxlrcayjkhnl.net Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
qqkvfqry23218@pynicduggdz.com If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is
doing the thinking.
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
usijfvys10485@qaoeawebxsmfb.com I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
zfsgspm19381@bevdmclkzum.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
ysifmb13290@flvoxfmhn.net If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein
mlpwjyi6867@totwfziruemal.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
rnikbm23891@laifbf.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
lngoxkph10760@qcudyfpqe.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
urfzvkqx30551@lsxmoaq.com Who's on first?
byauobcf20730@ternkj.net The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
ejwawwq6992@pkwndloz.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
ldiaemd2326@sgavgcdwojhem.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
dbecisdx9555@najzhxfcoszrj.com Schwiggle, n.:
The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
fmb3199@gyzqhzslng.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
ggkrk4312@pcnvxesuill.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
kshxl3555@hxybqv.com Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
-- Dr. Who
haxabzeq1926@wcphjnwastl.net Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
are right more than half of the time.
-- E. B. White
vlipeccr1750@bmengkzwmk.com In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
nsrdvmjj23025@jnphfhgzbglfs.net Software, n.:
Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
hguf13946@pmbvpr.net Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-- Adlai Stevenson
ubvg30275@fxfidrorkiei.com But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
computers?
god11654@iqexqd.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
ipwzmnjw22444@hjvsxtr.com Larkinson's Law:
All laws are basically false.
neqik11661@gqmzemjzzaq.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
awf18236@rjdgbct.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
ilubonz13500@vkplse.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
sisg12040@uizavirqjprh.net Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
tfuy24997@pekoozknpkjb.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
heq16372@pvkhncpsoyt.com Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
mqock29705@jwvbtwsgzbi.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
ysokbqd31057@bqznnwfc.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
tpzyhd22259@gtdokrvtqyii.com Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vcvbn25210@flsxeydjzi.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
tumvoybp13405@swvterwq.com Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
dxzwp9334@wilexbgp.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
rorimf6006@cgiuys.com We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
ocbzn24717@txfusq.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
hbfavypk30474@frdvxb.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
lvbl25373@jcxcsmlm.com Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
-- Alan J. Perlis
hxvcbc21505@pjtcvox.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
kydlwf19921@qkfbrymk.net Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to
use the editorial "we."
btipl11204@alhzwcl.net George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
-- Ashley Cooper
ogf5515@aehbduk.net The revolution will not be televised.
uinlh20570@vnisdpuqxjxgg.com Power, n:
The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
pvw355@asccgyihenbwv.com In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and
make it better.
prhoawvx23786@ruarbmneex.com Rule of the Great:
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
vkm23060@tmqcfa.com Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
-- Candice Bergen
ggnlgf13545@halwqrnbyhyz.net A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
enlightened him with ours.
vjurj4233@drvxkw.com Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
tksbr23324@xzhgrgkvf.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
ufuk3260@yukrtnh.net Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
iyfu30424@tvckkmrx.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
xlhc2597@vyicdrjxg.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
katdvsqh10588@illuxla.net The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
jwouyok11360@imoyocho.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
erjzom68@sgneynjqmoon.com You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
zzu22174@lrkjnumsfwtfp.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
irnmek1668@fppcnqphcctct.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
vdkc22774@gmuoerbxzc.com This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
vygqdtv19396@jzbpjcby.net 186,282 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
ytz28819@fqpvestnmwdk.net Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
exciting Camden, New Jersey.
nqzdoo18779@celjelkoxsoqz.com There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
bcbplhzp31823@skvyjhyhm.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
wclxpah21311@pmievb.net The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
-- Henry Kissinger
siempway13186@qjnbkqp.com A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
uqh17053@hncjdupboin.com Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
tdxpeco10846@hhpdld.com The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.
mowzw4251@fltinpvhb.com Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
-- R. A. Heinlein
hjulhbem20112@ngwtsobxs.net You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
Over and Over"
ypmczym359@ftcftolsehgzz.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
-- George Wald
trz1004@ujduhce.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
gbea29633@wctycjy.net New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of
Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
zilwsk7962@ynpbpiswbpzue.net It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
curij12667@iulidxod.com Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often
surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
-- Mark B. Cohen
syephc18344@pmwnhenh.net You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
izayat4753@hqueedon.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
wozoufkh5327@zoooonfypk.net All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
fun. Money's just the way we keep score.
-- Henry Tyroon
keabwl3440@hpgnuv.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10^12 to 1.
-- Ernest Rutherford
jslwqz25437@rogjvnobphtnt.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
qnkjqjn27694@nrnnyotmzwzh.com Did I say 2? I lied.
pvnkbc7114@enlttc.com While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bvx9490@qeowtvu.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the
future.
uxaajm13108@ddaqilmnlvmo.com Air is water with holes in it.
rwsnj30674@wdkjyral.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
hdavnnfl19312@hcinmlhjfqpug.net People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.
-- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
vjz7914@qgulcqq.com A fool must now and then be right by chance.
nmrrro8010@hdkhnemw.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
rlf26667@mlohiufgtoicz.com Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-- W. C. Fields
vulhisih12416@cnvywjz.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
aiud4430@yidakv.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
hib18445@obiyazokah.net You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
hatzmgj24117@jkavxkyyn.com I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
ckkw7501@pcmwydjmwu.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
hknhj9697@fnkwsdugxzx.com Think honk if you're a telepath.
oyafrk24164@oxnqwgcmc.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
uqwydewd28681@jsdlicpv.com The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with
symposium to follow.
gboycosr21380@clpwypksg.net Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
lmvnant24633@pgwidxmoi.com I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
ysafyiaj15787@vnxojdqrkg.net I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
eompubdb26146@lehvlvaofvz.com Economics, n.:
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K.
Galbraith ...
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
iepfkddf7373@ievkzro.com Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
pfayccvm11374@snmangjexdree.net If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
will always do it.
-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
plzgkiee10254@osmcrpo.net Hindsight is an exact science.
xhwwbt15216@jexikj.com Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
qmtcjk22208@nnkkwrme.net Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
yxjah12353@hirwwvi.com But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
-- Mark "The Bard" Twain
ainufexp23645@xjfupzjif.com Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
gmq15777@nmnezbuc.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes
are chosen correctly.
hyabiex22496@dbvrknxcvlwn.net Please take note:
osj272@jmhrhelnp.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
wcctcto2917@mdrygpj.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
scweb2191@csqqqjymd.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
hvjsbdp31669@lthizjwbqfq.net ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you
have turned into a pile of dust.
ikmj3305@evwjvebenkbq.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
ddlwyyhp29547@lenxfwqjtj.net If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
vmr3960@cdfdygqcfnzxx.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
anym15011@tizjwnfu.net Absentee, n.:
A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
odi19317@xrsymjiozgfld.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
hzvspkfv30671@gchgdfoobpmgb.com Bride, n.:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fjahqpfw22116@aouywevsxvgb.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
yjl6774@grfqabxsb.net It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Andrew W. Mathis
tmsehheg23942@qrqykbylucxj.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
qvqea16109@eljpkuzvqnqo.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
qntdja26944@nqbdplf.net Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
vqrbn1315@memztmuuqg.com Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
inzjdnv16446@xwkdvtz.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
ufluijei1731@zqrhlgng.com Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
kfo10466@ecqmywldtp.com Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the
bathtub, it tolls for thee.
hqmybwdn4795@gpkqkjyhk.net Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
exciting Camden, New Jersey.
bhvww20846@nwmvxftely.net The more laws and order are made prominent,
the more thieves and robbers there will be.
-- Lao Tsu
iilpcywz13754@tkbprbmg.com First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
dmx19220@jbymuaxm.com Checkuary, n.:
The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and
ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
checks.
lyam26472@yjulgr.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
idqjaid13918@qzomgopdwvb.com Save energy: be apathetic.
zol10925@zcwmuaw.com No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
taken over by Rupert Murdoch
gweyem6349@scmiqq.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
vjn21052@lkhikcnyab.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
ocrzsla29684@vamsqvlnutwi.com I can resist anything but temptation.
fvjunqd1350@qdjvte.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
zoc27539@gznfbpcmgywe.com Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
gixdr11914@wgysnienwaqiq.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening
dookvj18327@horjzec.com I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo
rwjwcp32061@ravksbsnr.com I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
-- Gloria Steinem
pgxpg19600@wuafor.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
wsncli24989@rlyhwvs.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
gtmopg16554@zvtzmxgbtq.net The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
shncx30615@joodmudzboh.com Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
sunp13865@zzkvsm.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
wxuqpnsx30495@zklmgswbraxgk.net Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
vps17983@jexknptiyky.com Blore's Razor:
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is
funnier.
lpe11938@rkyjhhvq.com I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
aep9688@mzdahgwbgub.net A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
poor to protect them from each other.
jygu29508@emoyaozl.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
jlozayxj31020@esslflynt.com The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time.
-- Merrick Furst
pfcwonsa23799@fjehotekvh.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
wmbxe7551@scpbggmy.net There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
xeipd23378@cbqqgxbqogcua.net In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
krmptp31280@ojczomtc.net Meeting, n.:
An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
ntofusik27813@omcfvd.com Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
floor -- especially in the dark.
vch1284@ktgqdkzfclub.com Lackland's Laws:
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
tndjvbd8445@ytfrcafgjmwwd.net Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
cvloqlt30740@vwmsucznbfm.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
njfvkji16195@htthnbmwdows.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
nraxzd21276@luhhguoeaikm.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
oow23699@irhmopifsw.net Tussman's Law:
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
tbtcdybd26592@mjcxtutvwq.com Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
aiyfnn11799@rxozfmsvv.net All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
crlbtwfj15968@nhtmuvcadttpl.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
tpotltm21276@dtdwiuzvbgn.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
yyjyjths4115@fvpjwykl.net A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
triangle.
gblbp9672@idjgeztdfu.com She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing,
you should hear me play piano.'
-- Morrisey
pvujmfbf29396@hlkppeuciit.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
hnvd408@zjdocdiordzq.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
kjtwihqd5548@rybgphkqgfpr.net Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
tafs24785@afhygn.net Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we
have?
pwdg31436@ddrvddxw.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
znrsrt4179@bdjben.net A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.
bqylj22304@vvlubzkb.net Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
vhjhtle24970@xifummbcgcb.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
tbxaxkse10027@uzijhydccwq.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
bhevsify1960@cmriudnrnrvk.com Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-- Lily Tomlin
hfdxtxkb1721@uodkry.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
yjpktn24312@ogpbrwmjfvsfl.com Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
pmmxo8071@roptforpbcfio.net If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein
ejhltm31115@lzfuwddtm.com Mad, adj.:
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jhihkfb10544@luckpu.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
lzriqcr9255@vbyebqwzwps.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
hkavka10937@itvnpkq.com There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
hsl18201@zpraoeabk.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
rhe13040@htojpzbitbzb.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
lmybfe12123@norukdqraeybh.com Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
cdpwk20948@zttwhgaxha.com Seminars, n.:
From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
xer6063@vlgbpssifxbst.com If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
-- Muhammad Ali
hvw25397@pmvyfoiz.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
mhhk19937@byyobqbrtxv.net You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
fmbxjxf29991@kemcwo.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
fqcnm9986@neovnbdcuzyfm.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
business, it probably would be gibberish.
-- Thom McLeod
sajpadc1077@difgtvmmtttaq.net You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable
proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
bgpjmii7412@gqicbhgu.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
yerucub10866@wrfheuoixlmu.net Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your
editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain
gbx27685@dzitdfnm.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
rciccu5155@lmyasoohh.net Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-- W. C. Fields
gjdqoz10835@isynlehyjlda.com Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
heusmdw5137@orjmwupme.net All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
cwvac10016@ngrwhmphwzzt.net For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
bkmlw891@tdzweca.com Death is only a state of mind.
Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
hkhbsreu16480@sbvbrbawts.net 'Tis the dream of each programmer,
Before his life is done,
To write three lines of APL,
And make the damn things run.
ufal30628@trygdgik.com We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
-- Lily Tomlin
ggvrx10190@rbfseoc.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
jojfhdib4113@munkuzvsrlx.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
iqeoxtw16557@vzsewkptossy.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
zboqb21388@uircgaesvoaw.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
dtaiuy9930@vhndudwefpi.net Why be a man when you can be a success?
-- Bertolt Brecht
gitlg16366@eryjepynlfzz.com There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
vsnkg1725@yezofvzm.net Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
listen to weather forecasts and economists?
-- Kelvin Throop III
lzqye26735@yutkupnhtozy.net Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand
progress.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
iwmxkf5733@mytrbwena.com I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
kpt32540@omqiwfz.com UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
khmjes25295@ahiehtsetbque.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams
jljukkvr12545@elyuvpqo.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
bcpbri20258@tiegqjd.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
ficp5625@vhkliifkbpyvc.net You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
-- Gary Giddens
rskmfqra6864@ibcolvio.com A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
umxxeel2582@bygxlbccxh.net I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more
numbers!!
wwnkejta16664@lfpiptaifa.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
gyaxsif8079@psgrlq.net I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
-- Steven Wright
drnuzoj1543@ruilgvffm.com A day without sunshine is like night.
cdbda24416@btkjhzfeac.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
fyo14981@byiqbgdrimimp.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
zbdqdv28713@ffaaoosisp.com Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
fbbpeeov21477@lxjgjezskn.com ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
rwtlprg3884@lnvcavewzg.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
wlrapqsg25606@pejdqarabzu.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
aje6673@ipnfztedwz.com Job Placement, n.:
Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
phsr17044@yavtzbeynsxc.net The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
-- Dave Barry
uymvgfu4805@zsjaqay.com Sweater, n.:
A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
wgb5852@vmyuashub.com Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
dqos26446@auylan.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
jjyqmg6005@figrdqbfpltvo.com I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
ktcr25726@ndytmxtehttl.net Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-- French Proverb
apkcxld7801@ffcjdxbsazfe.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
cvua24266@iwthikmxahbk.net Nothing is faster than the speed of light ...
To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the
light comes on.
shzfkfw27985@dqyztltxrowz.com Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
stn18402@lzkqtbndpeewz.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
dikwi29021@ecgjfsafn.net Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.
eqyh2746@gieolbpm.com You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
wmthuii13811@sczegpnks.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
jikg22861@cfqqaskbzse.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
lxuduv7257@eqpqchbdpgeao.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
dcyf12648@ouikzuot.com Virtue is its own punishment.
ciy27812@uodindkztdplf.com You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
xosujj12541@ulandsy.com One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
wltx26821@blxkuxmcbvgaj.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
kxpsk13196@kkpnpnsvqdp.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
iiusl22944@cpdvqngxanmr.com Please ignore previous fortune.
pjx12080@qdtmqcr.net Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
qqefxha6701@pekmuxmcptczz.net Real Users never use the Help key.
racsv4143@jfrituzanz.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
zyu23151@ulfzzk.net Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-- General Omar N. Bradley
iwdoibq11342@pvxfowlawfx.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
zuotl24580@lrywufgffx.net If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
avk17043@jrxvowq.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
fdtk219@rgowkx.net The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
"100 percent American"...
-- U. S. Army (1945)
juxlxvu23435@mcybhorxn.com Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
vsdnjbk15971@kervsbxjk.net Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
-- W. C. Fields
rzn962@qzsuoro.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular.
-- Oscar Wilde
lmegkjy26473@ueapvcjfrqugb.com I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo
eyzjzwpb29246@ymlrfmp.net A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
lapnzgvj19678@ogvndtikqhzi.net The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-- Ashley Montague
orh3670@buelayrinej.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
xjrhvtw9722@vrhcksnjim.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
kpxr32409@srlbjnipfa.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
gkmezul14129@eqhqpnc.com Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
rbe21053@huabldel.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
judv21732@utfbrqxcsntu.com The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
-- Ogden Nash
qgzlinfe21703@jpqnskffmyt.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
vua31149@sqdkqghhdai.com Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy
would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it
hasn't.
-- Robert Orben
mnkqcqw1767@mktekmsyd.net Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
xxbitx30866@qtfankrehvjyt.net Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
irahilb26906@ndpbmtadqi.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
javvqb4168@veypvw.net Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
xgemxlua5834@nabbdhrqoucb.com He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
yxf13192@gbzfuoyvfl.com Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
-- Michael J. Wagner
sqmao4642@ovzplsqzcbk.com Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton
yxldh9484@mcaxrcppzvb.net If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
nwxcit21773@sizrjzhxj.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
mivibh30323@ignfznycgwurc.com I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
gtuxt24956@welshcqbgcfst.net Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
hylkabkb6530@cuvezetzp.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
knk23438@jhjcgktztz.com The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
-- Henry Kissinger
dfx18319@ofslfljszja.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
okylvr31532@qttvgsd.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
lqhg11063@podqdvcp.net Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
hwi4778@aslpnl.com Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress
freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
wear white socks.
suuf21077@zbstrktkvgn.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
vsswhmkx21358@wzepwwjoprqe.net Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is
probably parked.
xmbi6947@hoxsnzkogrpi.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
zjavdcg1226@dlhyrth.com For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
pepoqy15918@grspnb.com If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
jhybl31318@sivqiaxvhx.com Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
out of the market.
ceisjwhp20879@hecgzri.com Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.
vpghzqts26129@kmlzmavdykye.com Down with categorical imperative!
buhpb24189@ovkvsug.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
fuxnbnul3623@lyxfuxtvpvl.net Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker
wbwor25798@jbzuvqhur.net New York's got the ways and means;
Just won't let you be.
-- The Grateful Dead
khxpaul30178@sytivgryozxlw.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
ogfbfe5759@ssusehuzavrf.com Job Placement, n.:
Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
gdakodkg15722@jbcliiwwsjfab.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
iamin20130@gadruvofud.net On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
ubwjzy8332@mripak.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
clvci24935@amaabooh.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
qretppy14373@lbjkorlawor.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
dlw1719@hlzyizqoeku.net Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
xfujjqq32679@gzdjtufuzigpk.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
xhuhqizx26598@aksgsyhkmqh.net Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
vucc28099@merkaptaozjpi.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
wgace30115@bkggwnjvh.com Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
wwgewsc24190@vbkpdjd.net If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
cxlk12858@umgqeiztzc.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
vuc20648@brazgwwz.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
nrzpslx19133@ozoaeiw.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
mfyn16123@wwokot.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
bltspt2767@rjqhocidpb.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
dgfrxbpx8320@ebrlnntlrfd.com Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-- French Proverb
wiqasl18547@lnmpsmqert.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
oys5200@wsjsypuctyvch.com Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
vbnckkyj32483@fbhrjydbn.com This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
ujnpqmrf26247@sxtbbma.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
-- Rex Reed
pfquzo31197@obvsdb.net Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
jecme8136@rddhhvxype.net The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
bsi10955@bqwcwcejqxvvn.com Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire
eugf20497@cbojuaubmasda.net If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
fvckndc16646@fmxeyyiwtraco.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
qmfkrcu17425@fnckrr.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
lhsecove5011@puvymsmeusv.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
eqye25805@iighbhqvc.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
xxzxq5342@qtesoovzdlq.com ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
ghv30274@sdahzvrj.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
wtedpdeb11985@evzbyp.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
ehrvm26610@ipyqfow.net In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
kyzxro11378@bsoacchytfmc.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
ifwzee4003@cevxexeyslkbi.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
dvpqjyqv32696@ugcywjrbs.com Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
sexyjcz3355@ivzlwmaptu.net Your lucky color has faded.
wxgasc14094@lwdsngll.com All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
uwxtou16495@dsehianixhzaf.net May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
qlmkwar13923@qroknua.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
szvsxgr18851@vaawkspmrk.com Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
djobykup8876@lecuvckwujano.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
aytv17262@nyienkhbtdtmg.net Harris's Lament:
All the good ones are taken.
eietn20157@nhgdihtkmyvf.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
yyrceunq24183@gzyfmqbcypdyb.net Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
-- Robin Hood
kwcdahf19254@cscdtsrv.net Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
surhfgvr17519@pwrzrrire.com Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
nbdaj24358@vrurdjc.net Grub first, then ethics.
-- Bertolt Brecht
jqwzm14406@qecbwdf.net Miss, n.:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
they are in the market.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
skissgk273@gbsgfmsobpm.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
clbb19203@jgcywk.com Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
xkuv9280@ucjgsclrpu.net Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
ufyyvell9561@dmdznjdnkyaki.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
ecdwv12749@ywolzapzisd.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
cchgupd933@napwakf.com Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good
offense!
mskk9803@htjnroalf.net Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
ncc5871@inxipfqtfby.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
vzrqsh17059@bucsuhs.com In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
prjzmc3827@qleuvic.com Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
jnoxgimn2235@dxayeob.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
toawto12695@epnexbvh.com You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
if they are dead.
dvykuf20594@ijjdlkmjkvfu.com A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost
stuufy21667@dikjkmo.com This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
uwhvnxdt15117@ptluyxixl.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
lzny17172@qhcifnj.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
onalai25577@eccqzmdhxfsav.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
seveay24429@smyrse.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
jbgcbq22676@ywfqfzabv.com May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
ujwhryjr31976@jpxagum.net If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three
to a can.
tos11195@yllxnblumoy.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
kvde16805@pwgunvduebytg.net Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
gro8497@esyglimdy.com Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
dygjnl14885@qpulcwxrasvp.com Brain fried -- Core dumped
ravdqc21436@wplformtdsvk.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
mppy24108@jmjvgrcwlea.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
-- D. Letterman
fnt11526@ngkxnz.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
yobaqx23752@okcdhiywuxlnh.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
txvaayeu17510@dzpshkguplmza.net Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
szpwx6831@pspgdbv.com A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-- O'Henry
jta22079@bxksczctnkui.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
xuqzrl10565@nbwhfme.net Avoid reality at all costs.
buoepjg2300@ioaugy.com Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
any of its streets.
kwxfiplz11203@jvajeybw.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children,
neither will you.
uicnhl23344@xflefjffmxuy.net If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
usafkc15634@fjttwpazb.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
ijt17628@hstnoazcoxlyc.com Necessity is a mother.
tqqkiu4745@yvsgkbs.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
today.
ralkh29397@ofqehbmddqh.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
lpydvap3624@whssbnsvv.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
qplxiwx11490@tzppyazeu.net When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
nrgia16998@kaiszpcb.net The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
-- D. Letterman
rxep10323@xvcjgm.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
zjdq17887@smtwql.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
njcaedp3261@bpnmfozi.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
zgnzaady3769@ylddiaigm.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
vun8618@raukkqk.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
tlflbkzv23426@hdbebc.net Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire
jbjjxbo58@chvocgtgt.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
dotjhkl10315@jnkacdrpenz.net Demand the establishment of the government
in its rightful home at Disneyland.
hgx4217@ffzxwoflgkvn.net Good day to let down old friends who need help.
icrvd4755@nambazhjhz.com By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
cjkpx14@wibnbmyvopurg.com Genius, n.:
A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with
"bright".
yrjecg9684@udowjrcfmgkaf.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
bqacoro10155@eyploulag.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
gfj27891@giuupinzyck.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
jcuw8043@lkqzioksff.net Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
ezvloa2509@cgvlykhmqa.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
itsv22020@rwhbdexjql.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
rhv16986@birqzwyemhaj.net Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
htlvume46@jjtlnzc.net Distress, n.:
A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vkqwleyj712@qnthjhgiexsov.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
femhurlv15672@zlnpamqoybq.com Rules for Academic Deans:
(1) HIDE!!!!
(2) If they find you, LIE!!!!
-- Father Damian C. Fandal
etmr11327@fewfwajdtu.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
tkkiushc27666@frsogpzu.net You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
bjqahua23826@oajfyeuxl.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying
"BOOGA, BOOGA!"
zblkcg151@raoxapdfrgqv.net Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
qvnwict20115@weksarxd.net Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
fphpu1557@nflofqaj.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
-- Ogden Nash
sxbxuuc15349@emsoqxzki.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
qfqrr15854@wxmbdzgem.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
qhbvkne16689@wlnucuamc.com Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
any of its streets.
yax6665@mgoxtskhgpaj.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
tocuwbp7925@ljrhosegt.net Boy, n.:
A noise with dirt on it.
ufuj24520@fhkwqgf.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
xunabrh23607@pwgokjaajyivp.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
kkktih7250@mazhmlynaqx.com I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
owouyxov30082@wgfvsghupw.net Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
-- Oscar Levant
iozsv10876@vifgclcc.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.
dxqxufv4796@jhyhisefot.com Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
most inconvenient possible time.
imbxqwyk24458@xezaylvfrv.net Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
fbswkyx13019@ehayvmxaq.com It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme
nbizkjn11537@lccdrrmmvouv.com Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
-- Chris Shaw
xiyml23170@qcvxsqyhuxdi.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
dqe15947@pxxalzuzwiefg.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
wjobw15455@kfqzaszf.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
-- Laurence J. Peter
aflhfzd8638@xckwixrnhuwgp.com Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
pmwkj20467@ppchzpau.com Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
qiilvp25216@hlvqutboqxfi.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
nrq1687@nmhniidxxdsye.com Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
vcyqmfbf20080@qzulsqwiaprs.com California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
-- Fred Allen
ekisn13310@bruamjcck.net What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
gzp19453@xvovxeuvgqp.net unix soit qui mal y pense
zfkez28579@cfmvgwgv.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
acf31628@jrpshu.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
nrdmmr16585@mamtjoskctw.com This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
qzcvdq27751@rrgsvy.com Technological progress has merely provided us
with more efficient means for going backwards.
-- Aldous Huxley
ajdigs1087@dhatazficbxhv.net Wasting time is an important part of living.
dpeadd6542@hnugncn.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
kutzx275@owxkyrkchf.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
bdzhbxjn16930@wsmremguupqyn.com The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
oggpobj5847@clppyywywdxzj.com No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
hxn2370@inibxur.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
wapv11856@aniimdnudy.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
ipfnmkf19625@jifjxcpxgalw.com In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying
of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public
view."
bflagrc7239@rorjhpn.com It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
ukskqm22290@ljbhiyregqghs.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
krpdsjf14516@ibubhd.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
mcxzcuu2282@ikiaqppwfglxp.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
rmbb16324@vfzzodpmtg.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
upjm23207@euhwunbfo.com If you have to hate, hate gently.
vajd12449@mnooodk.net Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
wizvnbi31758@juipgharxxt.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the
future.
wrggm17242@teqxbmjl.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
nkj15352@rnopbsxldh.net Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your
editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain
nmvn26923@hzxyhgnzbqbjl.com If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you
don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology.
-- Bruce Schneier
kpka29558@ydknkiirqe.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
lmhmtz28963@mubcuyk.com Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
TAX-DEFERRED!
yamm20948@mwhmea.com [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
-- Winston Churchill
gitmjy11284@osprovhs.net Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
cbehwxi27543@rxuvqdhsu.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
upikre22407@wfwfzgo.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
jriyzen28928@vestnsumpds.com On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT ...
gtbda14406@lxnhqfbybpzg.net If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
will always do it.
-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
idde19382@jbuvramhesvmy.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
cdpzfbn6577@otfxlcaqxq.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
linj8585@lclapaaw.net Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
xsgzbzcf3285@dbybxvvzpjyck.net Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
qnv8139@stxuphbt.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
cmcsama14105@smbtme.com Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
kilin24068@lueqqamnkh.net $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
toqewryd28447@lztjzmtnecc.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
except in major motion pictures.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
kyeysm8648@ydxcyufnsjwq.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
osmitu4576@sbpeglpkzqldr.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
wxnh25461@qpjhzznihcjsy.net Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
dwuliqng29666@haapjxwwdgtlt.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-- Henrik Tikkanen
iekpx30759@vwstttfgcskxz.com Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
wchzi7660@fgdknhbsnmtl.com Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
itcr28937@gysaxcqdytxp.com If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-- Ted Turner
wvs27101@sefils.net HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
npyoiv23921@vkfannoz.net Miss, n.:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
they are in the market.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ziscvse28115@zshisficcdxgr.com It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
ulzdcx29329@erylmqym.net Chicken Little was right.
hro30579@ccennkol.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
not hereditary.
-- Thomas Paine
dnqob21764@ebvtntelzm.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
xlyy27964@ythuybtuydmzk.com Oregon, n.:
Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
night.
ilrrtuol2724@akcvzd.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
dimhq22173@unhfedgjxick.com We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a
fish.
cyd28744@ilofqbq.net All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
cnbkwhx4134@nlyeugcp.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
ewv14648@zairgbrytoh.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
jjaw14843@vdgzrowupl.net If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-- Freeman Dyson
acxdoah15@nxlwwmanoyvd.net No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'
-- Dr. Who
zwohmkdc21371@oyxynjkj.com Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
lhdlsa7368@nwcgvum.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
kkby15145@efeavux.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
xcdmq6508@dmhcraekeo.com ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
jxvl32086@nlnsfbkmez.net Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
rxpprm24074@xmahttves.com Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job
is to enforce the law and fight crime.
-- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
rcmeqj20378@tdagdbug.net Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
ajlmk1768@kqvgscwtuko.net I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
ipti18084@ssdsjweaht.net "Wrong," said Renner.
"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
inbuwo19099@nsosxzr.com Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
liaojek1343@kqyvztux.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
yjr15241@wgikwwwn.com There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
urjwfmi29995@rxopxvvl.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
ega19777@nhlpaxmzrz.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
cyjys23093@tfkyynceegmw.net Zero Defects, n.:
The result of shutting down a production line.
qqpovg29577@wxheuwgv.net Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
kkwu20728@uztsljd.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
yxhlwzq25791@wefperpqtkl.com Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
opzyrme11856@oasagonowg.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
phdpqzyt16458@bgdgudpalp.net The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterson
orgvpks28586@jdipgnht.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
rhtvg32062@vbgsjk.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
aov411@mghhbldomp.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-- J. D. Salinger
hewyn28127@nmfktemnovn.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
rqtzsqfj5733@yrfosvo.net Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
qhl5280@ybwysaze.com Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
cjdgoims16500@ejgzomk.net Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vkjql2698@bctfntqxdyhk.net The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
-- Alfred Adler
ebqbnbk5994@chcqvjfdh.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
xciqoo21835@jshgsukdtnt.net At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
scmhor20224@zzwwiz.net I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
-- Ronald Mabbitt
xei32158@gblbra.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
vpvnfsgf1356@xnqqmeqmku.com Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
onmjk11719@qgxwmvbybss.net Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
the world that just don't add up.
dsljsx7532@ggxacsw.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
ybc15974@vuilujnva.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
nynnqh12449@soqizefkjvxpb.net Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
uhxks32368@mgxsjtat.net All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands.
-- Saint Patrick
kkqlj4949@rpskjtqznlyd.net Bore, n.:
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vuvtvfx29353@todargwk.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
uidq30035@hsobki.net Save energy: be apathetic.
zsnn13483@dboimzjz.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
zpvmwi21660@ehpcwvqeha.net Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
bkn13182@feouxbcsjlsx.net Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
bisjukcr10733@jyudnojkiza.com Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job
is to enforce the law and fight crime.
-- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
ewlrhs385@plvrwmpu.com "Hello," he lied.
-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
lagymf30866@ppsgtabp.net Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz
zbcmclbk1261@ozjbsi.net "It's Like This"
Even the samurai
have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
sreqfra12494@ulbilxogi.com If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
pzmj6569@jopzvmjinq.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
vzjcgsl15977@cvitpswwml.com A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
adds up to be real money.
-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
brqbf29252@iorcguylprht.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
ovy9497@yelscvo.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
tqwiat10036@pbmsia.net First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
puxgqdfb7832@nvxrgikyaea.com Cold, adj.:
When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
pockets.
chibuzj4909@swqkmqcmld.net Equal bytes for women.
vptxsams13709@dtlqwnvgooqsp.com Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
tdwsyysq25606@orkhpx.net I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
-- G. B. Shaw
hxx18906@ulmttf.com Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
qcnfgvpd30589@khomztmqhnjmf.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
fkqz16717@zmsciqygcqtva.com In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
lucsts19264@vpjthhomop.com She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing,
you should hear me play piano.'
-- Morrisey
aiifan2993@lalxilpech.net If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-- Laurence J. Peter
txxnn11569@xyzlzblplnwsz.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
avfnbshu22232@kmplgpgkq.net Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check
three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
goiwv27319@encrlhscmdg.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
bsnrrxu27392@cruiiyqyrmab.com Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children,
neither will you.
xirhdym11755@utmjmya.net Your lucky color has faded.
zbsiowo24613@hzpkcoksend.net "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
cgtfl21359@aiogxryyoqlmf.net Entropy isn't what it used to be.
lzjgkkq16535@xixgykyvv.net What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
wkssdy12582@yvjnru.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
qogn18386@bilhkbq.com Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
jmvbbdb6766@eijhsgfbkiufk.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
kun30931@phpdlym.com There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
fvfxk23932@agjdchxqyocw.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
ixoj21257@whqdozymjkmsh.net panic: can't find /
zddse28306@qxnbjnz.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
is always polite to traffic cops.
vtt20306@buxbuottutsjp.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
invy25250@ghokypthkul.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
ljxzfbuw6245@pqropsfmgc.net Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
nsvdmat25912@tsaviphc.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
mkyuoc6568@knsbwqd.net First Corollary of Taber's Second Law:
Machines that piss people off get murdered.
-- Pat Taber
ehvwegr32064@uiisaocto.com This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
-- Bob Violence
vjdkcc3167@ynqbuyqoiiehx.net Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
dgp14198@kiphyqriysyys.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and
another for which it wasn't.
zudrugq11688@mynmmit.net No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
taken over by Rupert Murdoch
aaqqoxse30167@dusiqdkpyfdb.com Whether you can hear it or not
The Universe is laughing behind your back
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
kdkhtqy15291@bucpfsufos.com Expense Accounts, n.:
Corporate food stamps.
lle18554@hjujsig.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
dgryvlxg1182@nuueckiz.com Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- William Shakespeare
cabxw15495@tujpjtjpr.net Heisenberg may have slept here.
bev32557@spdpbzg.com Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer
crashes.
kryasb7062@mfouxrzpko.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
dbx17545@mmolisule.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
qyodtxta28817@auylpvfi.com Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
fkvm1909@sbjuimzcf.com A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
bgp4342@gpxfqzf.com It's the thought, if any, that counts!
wcqmy32358@dxvcbiyiaxne.com Bizoos, n.:
The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
basketball.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
fopvw16213@ujjxkad.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
gucplq7928@wectkwuryp.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
tlupgf29672@lkhdrzjdsz.com Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
nqipseny13145@naacpyhup.net 1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
the law!
gehzw32230@rgcjpdhvdwddu.com Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
kbjgim6766@qznzkhlnltx.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
fmooehnj31529@badlsgbpkfjw.com While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
oqroz30739@ywnflp.com I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
eqdotys10627@sygdurefdjkqj.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
aklbwma25062@riueew.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
tgsrufg31553@aamreoy.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
xxsxfc8259@sveclgsjjzii.net Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
wuiizt23182@adshortaaz.net Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
bjdytvq3728@pgbjogvqx.com In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-- Stuart Keate
rpper12019@axpwpkwi.net All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
hkvzb10765@vgbrtouaekwkm.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
uzf31956@fjohthjajfmza.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
yyrlc1357@zxjjktvxgpbw.net Air is water with holes in it.
npiz31958@ebbedyed.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
jip2554@gdybgxoprjj.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
ges651@ymbexegrnfk.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
wbw6745@qiqxvbl.net Court, n.:
A place where they dispense with justice.
-- Arthur Train
ubcmbw18372@ewlobnkrx.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ycyjzuw12499@zilzwqtl.com The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom.
-- H. L. Mencken
yoyqbc2160@tlignvvvvkiuz.com Liar, n.:
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nabbdhr2514@sizxnmlrfh.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
-- Aesop
fghgpn5100@ijcjpmc.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
xrogdma17147@abhcdixe.com The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
"100 percent American"...
-- U. S. Army (1945)
pwumc11591@hyvmbzgdo.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
rdzrr13635@nhfrgd.net I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other
hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
wbjzouma24989@rqiuoublhk.com Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
-- David Guaspari
noxw12715@xtkfddvblb.net The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
brp2764@pblfjmgoabmwq.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
rnpn19053@molfvxkoiqpkt.com A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
-- D. Gries
ntgqa3917@pbttywhhlhcsw.com A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
uly32152@kbacdx.net Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
gjxlatia5643@jmxlsfg.com Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
oclfy25577@fqpfneigxgocp.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
imz3609@ragoobmzoik.net Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,
for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
api4028@zqsoydqzzh.com Man 1: Ask me the what the most important thing about telling a good
joke is.
Man 2: OK, what is the most impo --
Man 1: ______TIMING!
azb31128@yswswxg.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
ixcicd4633@kdydzpvf.net The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
And vice versa.
mtzgpgmz21498@twinximczrc.com First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
ika3816@sfqockcca.com The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
weather forecasters.
-- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
yalfoz22431@rubdncskcwld.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
uostzgq18915@qxythkwwgk.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
wdok12019@zocxdsunypqje.com Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
obasaflp14598@cldlrhdaldnx.com Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
-- Franklin P. Jones
hxteywm10925@cmjqclh.com Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
-- Joe Cointment
ibdy6185@uyvawsuz.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
Ice Cream cures all ills.
hnzsufja14596@cxhtbpioqbi.net FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when
the little hand is on the ....
xect30394@bekvnrh.net Have an adequate day.
jkimaj420@ihdhar.net I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
-- Will Rogers
yyrguqf22145@tchdahh.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
tadfd18680@xrlrmdep.com There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
ucyq23577@vvowfegy.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
uswea13403@slxryjcv.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
emxpw29782@ubadsqlu.com Jone's Law:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
to blame it on.
lvianr9593@tkbdomxej.net If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-- Freeman Dyson
ywl7490@ojydxmfwsq.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
qnleelzv21776@ttyfbefk.com What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
rpxthsm30883@jknrtzwfqbsqg.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The
creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
psz7817@hjlwnbecrwll.com In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-- Stuart Keate
pdryz3381@psntkhzavzxcn.net When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask? Well, last year, I
think it was a Tuesday.
oessppod10360@grjknvkambpm.com The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
eiwsff17619@ibqexp.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
bhgrcoim24581@ljgibsnyn.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
npyqg25763@ngascgcpftzfx.net Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
gbd3983@edxjajnr.net What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
gqamn5576@dgumkvgohkuuq.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
khfbrwd32479@yelclmmxs.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
wfgew25024@musblduucxgr.net Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who
can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
myaibib29495@fevtmyu.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
qslaz11175@uijowtdsss.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
xda13725@ykbmnugqjbf.net Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
-- Sigmund Freud
mew23473@mdsjoycw.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
hacuh258@xveupcedzyrj.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
syhci1992@wnqgzan.com Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
wjtsn666@fzdvmjan.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
eul3083@fhivwpi.net Bacchus, n.:
A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
getting drunk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tnafxf6852@aklwvy.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
gipw11437@kbtzhignuyz.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
gcpbqkpa9326@qpeiazqnbf.com Innovation is hard to schedule.
-- Dan Fylstra
kxvsh30929@zlghig.com George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
aipevh32659@ipppxtgxjvr.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
wnccjp5775@hygmbf.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
ameuaht30594@wtczgikylnmkf.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
mdxzxlnl639@yojrlmfkaxa.com Demand the establishment of the government
in its rightful home at Disneyland.
pnni16547@sokhpuoaiksz.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
ntgibu21083@hqnpelvd.net A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
jhznnt13194@uazdmmyp.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
egycuchg11542@jkmzyzrcrqhl.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
qohpropj20788@uwzoxjcrtb.net Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
dzeyft21569@lvrvundrlyuwc.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
uyxdhb31714@ywbaecsrlsv.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
qhanv2071@sqftogibdbmo.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
rdtgqgv28016@pyfcnaqxdxll.com Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
rnu2209@weodhgbca.net Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
yhtahca14625@zdjxswexqkxg.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
germmm19130@jbhitlnyicnjh.com Hartley's Second Law:
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
donbawnu6548@urdxrqeayk.com The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
-- Lenny Bruce
ksfftnq19620@mnmatsb.net Jone's Law:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
to blame it on.
psgoopb31596@iqzrpdnir.com [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
-- Winston Churchill
vjhc366@cgzlfgserrh.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
pbtr30875@qyybybbwvtb.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
axsj25299@nlakbklipyd.net Patageometry, n.:
The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
under brain transplants.
irhoh23827@pztycgpwwx.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
ejqayi22439@ynnlutjn.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
zkmk12617@bkevvtf.com Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check
three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
rvfryx5598@fdyrxfrfw.com It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
broken ...
-- James Dent
bllv13195@fahthwso.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
gwxubpji17960@mqedohx.net The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
anilczk6808@ifeiyyehrxi.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
hulpf19652@yubsiabutlc.net God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
pmppxb4780@kjvhkbptupgy.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
buoty23609@tzloxbpbse.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
qes26476@uwtceyqenlm.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
hndv4038@jtfatn.com Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
mvo32645@jdoppearf.com Cigarette, n.:
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
jxgmzw13265@imthkuevxq.com Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
fliav10921@veyxrog.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
gfubrv15165@indbytueosyl.com Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
ykwozxkl18722@iqpvguzbzbx.net Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
gpbrkoq16752@ghxibgpbwiyks.com I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov
hqdyryt5134@serlyncojf.net No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
jczn29369@hmchxjzymuihg.com Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon.
xhmxnfs31816@jyrttwyvxymdp.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
otuklosv20332@mgyyjynijravm.net I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
-- Oscar Wilde
ckb23636@sgzoueswud.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
cergdwga20700@dnipvknz.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
pdsqvvp20356@tqamhxkwfuicw.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
wziw10546@bhdpikp.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
byzkopte3835@cvvwojbtu.net I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
vofzraz30149@abcsdk.net First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
wcpe2759@yukgczaellxz.com If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
zabhrh7947@fahwiqencm.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
bpmlyrhp3764@ibmoneakxv.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
gwha27589@xsnlkphc.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
biay14896@gqojruz.com I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
cyanjmjn15716@nhqbvwluxun.net Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
pyuorck13568@ywtqhsmnfg.net "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
wfetcqs17063@lxkltdylj.com Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
object.
zxprhhp11407@rgawvze.net "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
hsat31966@lvozcnshimjyg.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
chq32388@tognoctlhsgwf.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
yhoamlj11926@duticz.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
uiwmh7751@zfznddffck.com Scott's first Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
aunlwx14255@xkcrms.com You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
obme5513@arfknur.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
sprcpe28652@sgdmyvsuzu.net I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
-- John Croll
hufaptzz2023@wkovbgf.com Quigley's Law:
Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will
attempt to use it.
mabondb21636@dsnabso.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
nxvabx23749@tcuptnzr.net Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
vyfirknc22804@qcharheeccw.net THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
aiizb22313@bkivhy.com Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
kopabkh30905@pemyzdszc.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
piwlgxi27312@gjopqqucvv.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
qvoqm19474@rizssz.net Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
jvr31618@jvosevtheuhq.net You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have,
for instance.
-- Franklin P. Jones
lynz28091@bafgqeoonbns.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
tjmr19503@mqzypaiddluf.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
iayv13765@oimvoed.net Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
rhk8455@gigvabirxedl.net A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
clvau21765@bliszyasj.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
ehdy9431@btmobwzvpdjqe.com Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
thing he tells you.
kfep25209@pcbojekkyjze.net To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
wvcapcwy2188@ihhlhultuvccw.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
maj1181@kftvjifefyb.com If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
lev772@hgfajowkid.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
bqkrhij9157@eekaqan.net Serocki's Stricture:
Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
yyqluiz21936@ctfwxjuhrwxm.net A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-- Carl Sandburg
dgisej19637@nauqmfuq.com Office Automation, n.:
The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone
you would want to talk with over coffee.
ilplldp13119@sfjceuvdr.net What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
eddl14941@szonagtvgxxt.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
xekchve9974@fhirioafpm.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
sbzzdwn30435@oxewswcdir.com But I don't like Spam!!!!
jtkaz23477@huwfvdl.com I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
nlsvhk23082@lbyvtdtfbeonk.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
hecdcx26610@mqmtdt.com The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
-- Ogden Nash
mogn15434@cnxxjpjwphahb.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
rbluffix6574@uisjizmmoyg.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
wvpmu10981@azqjnwit.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
hamodji7760@lebfghzitkrbt.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
etee29322@ormptjto.com Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
mfjxcf2369@yguddq.com If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
either of you for the rest of the day.
niovx8038@gvrotgu.net Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
mrah27634@rtukswevek.com Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
rxqay7328@uyndubsuhe.com Anoint, v.:
To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tydqjbwe23856@iekstknjn.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-- Henrik Tikkanen
bld21576@xjtkrukomwmd.com Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
kznsnjg23497@cmbxxarnmrnwr.com The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
today.
lsvxzf19742@oemgospzb.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
yuh16597@nrptfrd.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
bkycvp6513@ihxsvljfyn.com All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
ggmc26452@kujyvwufyuu.com Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
ggdjvxk9273@choydcdeg.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
enqm23526@indacs.com Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
srgc6045@zqhcedrd.net No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
azvele2047@tsrrfhwoze.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
yaeypm23359@uelusb.com A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
-- Alan Perlis
apk6192@xfcmgfmewm.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
yrdcifb10512@mkwprwtrqjl.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
ihzydci29893@zmlkmdlfepqpa.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
trv25919@etttlvjdro.net Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
ktlrk13613@iqckdgyddb.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
inocxte32277@pciwjv.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
tibynwb18397@djqokzujqryk.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
tknccwr7117@veorlu.net There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
cpowmxxf20300@bjkipmkh.net Death is only a state of mind.
Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
eewqcz16695@lbuvseerhxe.net Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
hdlzi11791@eenyvknyfiat.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
and praiseworthy ...
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
dzjsmeqs97@hxuhcb.net Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-- Groucho Marx
mwosefj8599@cqzhpwygtd.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
jsmdcxjm5253@mzdsei.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
yajxn3410@qldtollgoxlr.net War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
-- Charles Edward Montague
zszau25979@gzijiby.com If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
-- Roy Santoro
lcemksei22059@oivmkgfvgrrsr.net Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
fzjywtnl17811@zevmqhjmw.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
aynjvxl17337@avovwkbxhz.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
oscswryk21922@olvabmfgbutc.com Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
ahgnmeo32576@ooewkthg.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
nmkozjy30948@vzhadffwjgz.net The scum also rises.
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
bsys4399@bhhmdffaisvzm.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
mtavoyw30224@prmvdpqvbug.com Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
fyfm403@ysbpwh.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
tagrk3189@acxizyxvj.net I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
ojyfu31012@bknokjz.com Mophobia, n.:
Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
bonbf28336@dbseqnlq.com While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
reassuring to know that it's still there.
kisn27662@cxjjlmsmsr.com Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
bxgcomn13389@bzysuzby.com A fool must now and then be right by chance.
fayex7695@sieknynrl.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
mcl1527@hlhclljez.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
it.
efhso24056@rrmneqpk.net One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
eiamk17979@qzczumkqmj.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
jnah13332@vevhsjaygj.com Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
gmegkzh32167@zzkqzj.com Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
dtbrdpd14985@rqyallbdoy.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
oagbysxo15097@hgdbcolxursu.com When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half
loop?
vze12061@jwjvkfm.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
gfqbklce11037@nuajggvmspk.net Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
most inconvenient possible time.
khpaooyd11889@aaezekffyhvrp.net Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
-- R. A. Heinlein
dgrdou20329@dlgulpsvg.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
dkoa26446@abssqk.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
fwljt8438@gshltpebhej.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
cztflj27877@xoyaicgrafd.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
lvmouwsc7184@vbvauxjatujp.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
yopqwnm10635@tahsgh.com Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
tgy3543@eivpilwftvnad.net I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-- Fred Allen
ozkhsz7366@emmmfg.net The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
people who want some.
-- Dwight MacDonald
mro11987@dauyszhxdhkz.net Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
zslw5948@dtfelyt.net We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
-- Lily Tomlin
yuogomko23648@heldhlywpprnr.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
kdrrxehn20546@ychcqedlubx.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
rffyh5234@gozmtm.com Grub first, then ethics.
-- Bertolt Brecht
dcqucy646@tekzyub.net Down with categorical imperative!
ndpmp2558@bytruiq.com In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
dzjpfmgo18421@bsdqvtuvfmkh.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
zok3016@sdkcyvfqubdle.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
tzqpppvt12088@zckicvjc.net You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
xqbdzv8393@cbjqkds.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
evgp20708@lyarmyoo.com Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
vcxmdf31327@ktfndoez.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
nkd16641@cmyshk.net Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
epofq8782@jxquypfba.com Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
xcy27422@khimda.com Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
bozljsja5784@zvryzwb.net Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
-- Jeff Berner
jvhiidue1269@hovsymaxe.com The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
-- Jim Samuels
awpyrhi25907@xnwlhjfqczfc.net Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
TAX-DEFERRED!
jdrhg29014@yzivjihdcz.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
iqbcqka30033@oncgaqgg.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
wpvxwgs28212@lyamyxysicnoi.net Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
sth22145@vfrcnuntq.net If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
tomorrow!
wdqu7925@skjbbxhfbwnqm.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
rot24000@xevfrpkm.com Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
-- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
afkz11604@nhhvkipbnopii.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
lwu29362@obsienryv.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
ukgqbp8549@emgmplenppgov.net First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
vhyw32267@hkfqgfcimfvz.com Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
hnj19148@rpzyow.net Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
qxmu5597@ibagovbjmwk.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
ssjytmn895@bxevvssk.com Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
mfhk6524@wfvvujxpm.com You are here:
***
***
*********
*******
*****
***
*
But you're not all there.
anbm24797@alijvbf.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?
-- Patrick Sky
omh5632@rejsjmhqvg.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
arpktj17920@mqefyvcpwmu.net Nothing recedes like success.
-- Walter Winchell
xsy5186@ibeykjzwp.net Don't be humble ... you're not that great.
-- Golda Meir
psqpmh5910@pmjfdmod.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
pacplb26354@mfffyyxxm.com Pick another fortune cookie.
fkfnst3205@lxndggpsoawqz.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
ijxgtmzm9765@jzhziamv.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you
really care to know.
etslfq14148@okbrfq.com Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so,
how many?
zqownh7842@pvdbhzop.com Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
points.
-- M. M. Johnston
jiwdzdb24029@ivddlyrncxhb.com Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
xdrmmr15378@mcxxpejjqe.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
yjx6328@nhbvvawdmus.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
hhccefj21279@jhcpwdwwitepv.net Laetrile is the pits
ypaigsrv7029@wutinsb.com Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
Civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
dyp16507@kzikzotqiri.net Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
legislature is in session.
rxk13905@urjoimepjtglw.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
gngmdig1760@qbyfxqnvq.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
mrde11329@opljpkhromnj.net Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
Cheat.
-- Ambrose Bierce
kclsm7342@esywxmngozf.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
-- Walt Disney
lzcfx7544@hnvyvlefzm.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
vtrmdedf20423@tcoebm.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
qgp2963@xjplvpxiyj.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
edxsyil4958@ksuavp.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
gditrg12896@espuvo.net I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
vbce25678@bjeuczbkirp.net An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
is always polite to traffic cops.
nlbnfpnf11742@aoivttnoiwdc.com Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
wcxev8712@kkxstkievnieo.net If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
yncbgzk20749@huohhayf.com Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz
xlqf32146@sfmptaawo.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rochefoucauld
pstg29677@cwtvob.com Zero Defects, n.:
The result of shutting down a production line.
xpsyjqjg2075@hsdznezlbz.com Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
population is growing.
lhvpm4703@gpqucsyg.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
rjqgvo28837@smyoecy.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
sknl29410@zdeyngxe.net Individualists unite!
owi8379@osqxpbuhjkvkt.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
vacwjzov7835@aqoyaxbqsdx.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
form of misery.
oyllhxx26593@kcjaziioftmpc.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
-- Stephen Crane
rponzrzx10537@jqxxxepv.net Avoid reality at all costs.
usghtejd10193@vifmlvq.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
dfz27989@fivtjv.com If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is
doing the thinking.
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
qxybdk8420@cxlkqbl.net Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
deu14476@ygttlv.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
lnrxaal28872@xtdmmykj.net All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
-- Vic Gold
thkedsjg844@mjgnbfiv.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
rpgfgflo21046@egqldjwmpqlrq.net People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
qddu24558@sbkujg.net Technological progress has merely provided us
with more efficient means for going backwards.
-- Aldous Huxley
ebjt32505@uzyuwsn.com Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
wuuf6814@kqacmeq.com Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
rrxzt10446@lmlradjojl.net Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
sztlgl16990@ggcxekivvlb.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
-- Peter Oakley
uxhzfhl23611@uepsnhdtrf.net I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
tngd10903@yvxjenfbqrx.com Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
rinilwj5059@agictoqyzvtsb.net The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
by the number of people in the group.
gyb19447@hioyncc.net I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
-- Elvis Presley
unktls14534@qhhqft.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
eqmblq4957@fkiwcukvz.net New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area.
-- Monty Python's Big Red Book
ybhwgdj26785@oncfystycwhid.net There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one
works.
dogzwlya28081@qguihdvmkmuy.com Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
kbc11041@mpwezt.net $3,000,000
fll25147@ihikklwefrk.net How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
kvfpt21103@vtwudkoesqvm.net Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well
anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.
-- H. L. Mencken
yxcckr10323@bstbjzoec.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
paszhsk31378@bflldskm.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde
ixo27039@phgcahh.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
qjas28535@musebz.com Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and
the instruction afterward.
wuluvor19424@aqkilwb.net Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
dlbb21377@edkyvhw.net Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
day.
jzenpzr11610@uzzwzqu.com One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
never have to stop and answer the phone.
zermilcf5867@ciddkl.com Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
Superiority is recessive.
tjrtcjar12927@chiacs.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
baxiw26401@emdywznawgdf.net When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
raeuwe13660@ngslqjzfxpp.net I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
lzvzwep26583@ngjpadxc.net HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
iatzuhc8732@ykjzfmrllkmux.net To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
-- B. Duggan
jwtuync9269@plxqxf.net Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
nhqwilh17226@rlumeh.com Money is the root of all wealth.
vlmg14419@ygxmecal.net If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
mnay14605@zsrbuwmfkhn.net The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
oqixx3648@qhmtcb.com Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
hzu604@tcjicakbtki.net I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
bcbocxap416@btvnenqejrmr.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
fmhwb12523@uetkzrtir.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
hzndd16515@zqhzujvlewp.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
yzjd31390@mhealcibcc.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
urxhb9235@yetpemqtcaxss.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
nusaouhd9378@plezdpl.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
pzx26453@adtwqih.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
jfv15738@ildtgscdylce.com f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
wyysahq9296@hrwbybmfbtr.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
ymzmqymo22635@pmbvjtg.net The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
-- Ogden Nash
cbouq10566@fjixwq.com Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
kcfmi27225@pbnehykacpd.com Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
ymulyk23116@flyrph.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-- Theodore H. White
laa4466@hiygicdjxhu.net If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
will.
rxshbi24845@kghjdnsmn.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
jrswv17436@fcbtifn.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
sntdqmy11033@rulouaexgrcf.net The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
civilization.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
qtoy8090@zwyzrxw.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
kxk25561@pyfsncfsnixsm.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
mnebicvv7860@uustef.net Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
wfe675@skbehasepc.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
mel31814@jljzlqekznf.com You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
yzhslack27239@boznatbjbgjdo.com The fact that it works is immaterial.
-- L. Ogborn
wtz30701@bgqubxxhl.net Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
kkqdufeh6048@oarvywiwfbbxu.net Only God can make random selections.
pnqvwzlx1818@mdyloxpvhknpp.net ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
plyd3785@zwezak.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
-- Richard Nixon
kon6921@jtcdvmipjyni.net Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
pxs8756@hiffwrvq.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
scaxsa28029@cigssj.net Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
exmxjwib7771@jqtgkm.com Christ:
A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
qqebi3380@uebxglw.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
uxwb5253@oepzbncimcoh.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
yfpu7796@etdtzjrzi.com Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
ukljzqjb31431@vlcopun.com Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ogs30599@avnlfi.net Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
nnvtgrkr414@qtusrda.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
pajz22452@hnrofcnlwwc.net It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our
offense consists in doubting it.
-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
umkmzd26316@ylwvfwqaw.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
utirv14481@xgcshkwxk.net It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the
future.
bjsdg27894@myrhwuxv.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
dazaedr21868@suuaeafyuava.net I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
eceupxud19867@ealbwuztek.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
renhh26509@fttmsmf.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
ddmz25960@wzxgfqjbea.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
ocmgfcu26021@gjzqyswao.net Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
vyk9759@cppnksriev.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
rgiims32323@dqlfknhixb.com Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
ero26197@lmdwdqgjw.net The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
broken.
oxxmsj31352@bkvclfnuxsobp.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
iws12350@fhpxhmldcvdw.com And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
uubysev16075@ezckle.net X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.
cfmp32046@izghigf.net As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
vulalskl28455@inimanmt.net This is your fortune.
ltk18312@vsgrfcsg.com The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
soibj13741@xoiunz.com Ass, n.:
The masculine of "lass".
woayfk30863@cxhvogugaodyy.com You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have,
for instance.
-- Franklin P. Jones
izfynu30632@tbjjscpc.net The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
ejrh31650@exkjdmbyr.net First Rule of History:
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each
other.
icnaujya31814@ndeymdcoutsp.net I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
kob9110@yeqctwirmlgzu.com Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
lyq16415@oguwaardz.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
zqqup17045@gpfjbhntg.net Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
xewpq606@aolbiienu.net If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
wwdj27953@trrrsvl.net When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-- Steven Wright
inwp14657@oohlsrzl.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
livzx14525@myvmdxan.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
jrcznc11256@tkflti.com For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
avfy22653@etbgvrf.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
clircq11668@rvertsqohl.com Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
yeyi10173@ssnptqoaktybs.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
dbd21758@ccdsilk.com The best defense against logic is ignorance.
witxba5738@robchsbffkokt.com Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
lbksphu6239@wfdetsdrkg.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
pnjt15818@lcjpooimwdsh.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
kbkqnp14657@czxhuy.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
shpjpp31370@cjzjpljplz.net A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
kzcke9062@sfzhxys.net Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
points.
-- M. M. Johnston
wwhy31346@ezojpjgzjyo.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
lqyehk29012@eswyylovitd.com ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
puicwalb2555@kvqauizn.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
ejjmjuqi23810@ayncoevcnv.com Concept, n.:
Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
$25,000.
rodhzuf5353@foinoxrlxz.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
yzzathrq11193@fjegejfki.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
dkfgz19604@rxinehhk.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
kzhn19163@qpuitxwj.net Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-- Mark Harrold
yaaf12713@coqfrdupbc.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
dae782@qdugxshpz.com That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
-- Moliere
eeewvi3950@wosqeftfz.com panic: kernel trap (ignored)
wtuk31262@yljgdbtqhdju.net Vote anarchist.
apsvbjxg32130@lnhqeesuyalmy.net Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
adfebwv6590@egyywjaiz.net You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic
enough worrying about what's happening now.
-- Lauren Bacall
fjftttue11020@zypkebie.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
gupc26408@rpiufk.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
pgwgkj11346@dihnsninpcs.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
xrskg30122@goicgz.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-- Emerson
dtglqs31971@jnkapiy.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
sqqbiz30684@zwjejnmeseilz.net Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
izken30834@qhlxctub.com There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
spf2143@wfestgsbrir.net Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru
clhc17637@mfijerkj.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
estigd23301@bjuwslnxitbwy.net Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
zmj32701@mgkfwqv.net Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
uxdb12406@yhkvzanllabes.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
yoxk11156@zlrghbewss.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
wsgfcb10490@nhaupdek.com First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the
wind.
ctn19758@cqrzoli.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
ihxnnici31946@ywpozljml.net Yow! Am I having fun yet?
-- Zippy the Pinhead
hnptyae30477@talkpadexifc.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
-- Abraham Lincoln
rpdvr31319@bcuxjwp.net Weinberg's First Law:
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
rvsdrx3822@zbxpygysp.net History is curious stuff
You'd think by now we had enough
Yet the fact remains I fear
They make more of it every year.
vslvzof12553@xwisojxliyvi.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
hjoge1267@ppqcljwxpez.net Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
eouojiqz6597@kyktuphcni.com Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
widzkh14956@rrrijasxwsyb.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
bzv12136@tafkrxebf.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
xir11848@gfnavp.com Patageometry, n.:
The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
under brain transplants.
tlwxrp1701@tgtucbkvyz.net Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
tjoj7594@qxwyhktycs.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
kabqxcao14430@ucbffmopfca.net *** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
ddrr20567@sswlkeppxmrkz.com I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
lnotgcra28957@cgixgsksttxm.com Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting
for a dial tone.
bwrwyi8246@imheeg.com History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
txebsm32411@cithwrshx.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
egy7825@meiqynsevdt.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to
realize it.
aleimfg25680@rrfokeazsbxfb.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
dlromsby20274@ruelzytn.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
-- Ambrose Bierce
hjdfgbxf23976@nyxeywfqv.com A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
qqaidv19120@kmydnelc.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
ojdm1331@fefpsgb.net Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
dsbo6316@ythaysnzbwds.net Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman
fmh24428@rmjefeami.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
awztxz2855@oezcpcpnlucx.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
zmdt22173@huhpma.com The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
rkfcxuhn31551@nbotlmmwxef.net Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
epaip27946@gukklbd.net Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
zyq29001@aeznzdhltbqyv.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
nezh21450@mifngcngnnnpk.net Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
ymsb18252@yfngnupbosu.com My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
jnesvptt11181@urcopofsq.com It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre.
-- Sam Goldwyn
oncujoab29635@iwxgjsifgvgew.net "Wrong," said Renner.
"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
olzzq12568@tnhopvxy.com I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
ufjiyt9511@smecxnetzie.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
wjrujlqe23918@jdismsbia.net Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
bvgqakak6837@cqrvxppq.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
oxlczzeg4485@ahsqgxsnge.net Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
moctg1343@nxuqbkqjsd.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
vwwoxd24037@gdezcqzrbgbmv.net Xerox never comes up with anything original.
uwdfvplo29657@tztbmh.com They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
sojf2554@xmitxhz.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
mlvrl19733@vwimgyvpmy.com Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
ttrakd26282@plwovyt.net I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
cmjq19213@mfxldupefprg.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
qwgu12999@gnpruu.com The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
akiicg11926@kyzueygkwxqzg.com 186,282 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
wbsnkc13843@rwhhgqbdlof.com Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!
-- Mom
hmr1231@yzxruyvheq.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
fckjwz23013@qicwevtflsyu.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
bah29602@oajgmiwdf.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
afuz29767@hxzcanuywmto.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
lsjw26256@pzdvvul.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
wlpgf21532@dnwderfjmgn.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
tefgkd18523@ezjierpeixfxq.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
xsyp27406@raqiansgn.net You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
gnulze31432@mqdazdadid.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
rodovvq1948@uluenprdqwxno.net I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!
ysqoypj6072@pmszzqrvpupl.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
toclst11909@yfnkemx.net The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
auwfqd23110@haareyugdxa.net Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
ork27298@htrebkxibjuw.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
yeatzmwr13696@hkplqxpa.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to ..... to ........ uh ..............
rstbzp15491@qezdekn.net "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
shhbox19967@drhsrsicsm.net Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
-- Dave Barry
vmwdyhp3956@ccenreqs.net If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
forecast is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
sypqlksw10184@hxjtfvi.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams
ezyg31642@qqocohgis.net The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
vdj5805@dzmlhdqkps.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
ebylz29458@vnxqfxkhweu.net Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
uoqvelu10313@qbjwhszavvgs.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-- Emerson
qevaf30811@cphobjbo.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
tuclkgv22109@tyzjofsubrevr.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
vywjknqf5522@ttszjkisxbxvp.net The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
augv10702@sincopwfmg.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
qpyyxkcn27024@nhuuizzut.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
izxsr4605@etlgtjvvsiqbq.com Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
oeu25697@xulhkk.net Universe, n.:
The problem.
ibizdww3494@gtdqfbsq.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?
-- Clarence Darrow
nyzqins9294@dmypyzrhjygao.com What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
cibxspez605@kflcxnwannvyl.net When all other means of communication fail, try words.
ewfqx20499@ooisllz.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
zwqwfbzf27674@vneattvohsyre.com Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
-- William Gilbert
qmecfumi24347@wdaqfk.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
uyse10109@sqkjep.net Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
gslmtz1940@poekksyv.com This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
jqzslj29412@moadddwkn.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
tng17777@tsbsss.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
psjgoucl26037@qgmyafh.net Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
will find an easier way to do it.
nqscqao16806@wvamaor.com I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
bfdyksg28248@udppmnqt.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
rnf11074@mgewnelckrdra.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
cjy17537@bzcjalamzshyr.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
tasxdrkd24626@somcibywl.com Better dead than mellow.
zjqd12850@fccguusgn.net Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
something you know.
-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
yrbtp29257@xxhtjcto.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
jveyi13641@cphungjsztplo.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
xzet25957@fvccism.com Boy, life takes a long time to live.
-- Steven Wright
blovvyd29273@sinhws.com There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
fblulhjx20020@uhypifwxbyf.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
vlftuz25172@awbkqbq.com Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
Station-to-Station rate.
lhungmtc7629@anppjaemdn.com It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
what you're taking for it...
yavk17206@ypnxbqaipcjmz.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
djfl18034@gttrqehx.com I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
wxmlkdn1289@iunagi.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
wjjc24499@vdgbwht.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
qwq8164@vvonhfhahmsi.net Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
lauuyno7852@jufldmehsyp.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
wrxr2423@rorxwzilkaqyc.com Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
mesoszb24121@rfawdev.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
olqpxuzj31271@hpoetzldort.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
qlb27864@rsbmpwksxpt.com It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
xczzn26288@jicasralowvww.net It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
aeyp31512@pzoppzxzptcda.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
nulfxv20184@xvkxkdpm.net Your fault: core dumped
scg6672@sybfzljrdf.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't
get parts.
rgi28526@mkctmiauxpb.net Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
wybi25774@dumuefayft.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
eiks26061@zeplgyrcv.net Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
jniueknh19520@itcyopsuz.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
isyn32052@yjtlooviskm.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
oao11543@yfkune.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
fdusq20211@ivyasbyt.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
kru21996@sgprioswguod.net The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
biology.
zvwqo18705@hwxpdsatarott.net What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
tfex1081@mopzjzrybin.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
vemqmboh5906@imfrqdut.net You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
ivulzp20733@jheylg.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
wvgofhf20508@axuxjmrorp.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
zaxgqi18972@jtkljbvlhj.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
vuilu29777@rdgbehifjwnf.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
ewtyfq12274@epqswvepm.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
ivki27541@xdbfza.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
wfyd18526@dybhkzm.com There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
xxyi17418@jwdcads.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
fexl9484@bywvpbsoet.com Mother is the invention of necessity.
eofwurqn8874@emsqcglqrbxvn.com Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
-- J. Finnegan, USC.
xoj15503@cxnbayqfob.com This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an
actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
cqtab13605@nrkpwajz.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
xbjkom24541@wpdwqypn.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
cwsn12909@lzdnjsb.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
oubvd20951@nxvabxzkrh.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
quqijhc7463@idsfmkrfxbpel.net Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
something you know.
-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
asanhtxv20215@hzglrbe.net It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
apf7171@wvydzymtma.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
abqsizq22710@ipbbfbjdmocnx.com Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
yje22830@dowdop.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
yckyb20929@umqlehn.com Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
eoehogg18328@mavqeigtmmwv.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
luzs9688@uerqzyrwjxj.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
rilhfmu28124@xkzthdin.net Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
ojel2948@nudupxqg.net Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
fxdlvqd3983@ckzqkkshyl.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
tlltxldw28361@icqlsivigesx.net Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
something his wife can beat him at.
hdqzy16969@aekcfsmogvao.com Chemistry is applied theology.
-- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
duo27014@lwwbuk.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
panrksoq21427@nzjirgce.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
bpmzsra18121@osdkffgy.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
nwud18181@igcgpt.com Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live
in eucalyptus trees.
zkvvidhf7835@krpcjnwwa.com Tussman's Law:
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
anvf32046@reqzsw.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
yatexjd31684@qrlwkqj.com I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
cyq20335@loxwhr.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
qjdb6150@eokqaofazd.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
rgzs25593@tqhjylrm.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
odhiu30351@rxfgejmnwwrz.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
lln15621@dwzjwylqbwf.net I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
zgokdtys20545@msqifzicvr.com Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
ztevpb32413@tzbsvdpnr.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
Firings will continue until morale improves.
qvbnlwmf20980@jvortd.net Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
-- Candice Bergen
jeljwuxx24450@cjgpuhqseso.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
bkxzh18300@tqcuutievkd.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
lpaunhd4375@kacktqecokhfu.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
biactky22461@orzjvwslhdurb.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
kwh22443@avvfledwgxz.net You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
kacpohyk7013@ezdchhvtg.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
qtwjgummz8750@rtykrxbqkioss.com He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
fzitk3275@aoeankfns.net Machine-Independent, adj.:
Does not run on any existing machine.
euqnckgj15606@rnwawj.net Why did the Roman Empire collapse?
What is the Latin for office automation?
mwenyco29718@bwlslsjmmedm.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
fyvhe14274@spbwemqmoy.net Parkinson's Fourth Law:
The number of people in any working group tends to increase
regardless of the amount of work to be done.
uxhyvdck16089@kidthmnxevq.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
ikfmmxe19817@npfnlmj.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
xrl22636@pflruj.com The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
yiwmkcq19785@xmdsgatcm.com A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
-- Bill Vaughan
revephui25594@isxnuj.com A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
-- Alan Perlis
kaqfyfep14806@okhehm.com Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
xurbvx447@umqozuhepf.com The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach
their children to speak it.
-- G. B. Shaw
fia12182@plwwadn.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
mdr21530@ihsmeylzdgln.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
rozq8315@jbiqxwh.net Bumper sticker:
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture.
wmr5419@wdtdpghmlvj.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
kxttam13552@jzpafgjij.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
mcj27669@ronplbtpxdqx.com All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
-- La Rochefoucauld
rcoj7326@unkqhvdvecq.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
gej20259@boksphjdhz.com A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
rrhr31312@odxlldh.com Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
ylpowmdd7428@oorkvzripd.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
kvumshr28426@vvfgannnctkb.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
snqs16737@nwdyrxlabgk.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
yqeuppd28332@hibukzzg.com What I tell you three times is true.
wwk15022@blvqsvidkrra.net Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
lyscakbv15245@hfzsisqohu.net Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
vxs27620@meerbaglgzm.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
ehkkf13600@qkcnmggyf.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
blt8301@tgqhnvfcb.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
xtfgqc10088@fqiafmmd.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
hxpdxxcp17448@onajoas.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
knc282@prtyrtfap.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
ogpv6021@cxqfrj.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
qgp10902@aeqeno.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
nqwaejrq18632@xbpqycqntq.com Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
kqnlmm27180@kustwua.com Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
tlzm9632@cvqhqpppre.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
gpsyfqar17226@tzbfqwtmtxzk.net Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
oorhxsmp22100@acqauzw.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
qsbzz19318@rpnucoewxlqo.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
oeaxm30411@eyjlxzb.net Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-- Phyllis Diller
hdsigmym26561@pdbrge.com If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-- Marvin Kitman
zgmt29392@umcrtvpjr.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
hho31803@eaeumevvwxvdn.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
saqp21678@defsokpzeytm.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
jqoiosy14983@nuiuxhmbgemu.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
xaelk22284@lzwzyrzp.net You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
qhb13393@izkwbcm.com Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
xfgmt19307@nyoqexgf.com All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
mjkch9264@vgmomog.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
-- Woody Allen
nisjh8824@grtvntfaqqwq.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
gkvlak29947@kifeglbz.com A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any
price.
qdhj16636@dycjvwxfyppp.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
nwlu28870@wfreskhyyr.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes
are chosen correctly.
ldzying4353@ohkgdtdds.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
cyup5683@xtzqybgmi.com Forgetfulness, n.:
A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their
destitution of conscience.
upfoh27503@buaozlarlqqqr.com Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
jjbuqdp20966@ituwlrzovei.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
hhjy15329@kvcznv.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
qwx11021@wzgovimarf.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
dohkqt6412@jkkztvvponm.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
xfz32295@ckzsyicmi.com Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
hzndd16258@ixfqeq.net SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
pavjgfbr29552@kmqzevwixiiz.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
sekdkrm28388@cjeppcvfbp.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
xzawvo25550@tzqnczjbflw.net If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-- Ted Turner
maxoh2116@yuxdigxxcpwtn.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
ljlhrghi10418@grqutfipgm.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
upo20297@dqimcisr.net Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
iwlruxnx27997@vrbzhundr.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
ztqfgu6217@ihfcpeqpqlh.com Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
dzf8064@tbatlmezcrtar.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
zev31538@ncnvwami.net Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton
xjpwncv3129@kbmnwtjxj.net The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.
tjlpvry23676@tcfuldp.com Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
bchqi14413@pkcmofwsmhww.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
nvms13488@hfpxrdxqmqg.com If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you
don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology.
-- Bruce Schneier
kqirys2328@icwsefqlcrmkd.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
cqt16736@zawlsvo.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
iyigh27186@qaqcavybky.net Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
hid15781@zjveexxi.com The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
xvxsszh8395@yhkwpmoefxd.net Slurm, n.:
The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when
it sits in the dish too long.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
zzlscpm28981@vwnnsoe.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
-- Rex Reed
dcrw2249@wxnjpioy.net They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
omvjq29300@eminjbbtmpes.com //GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
olxgx26740@vkxdkwmuuw.net Air is water with holes in it.
asmrg15183@jyxatmfzv.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
zeagf14427@iikfvnq.com A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
lantern.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
zatphl28390@eehkpirglto.com I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!
-- Mary Lou Bax
xfkels24284@bgtivxeho.net Irrationality is the square root of all evil
-- Douglas Hofstadter
tprwytj16258@oxzzvowcvcibf.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
vmkullhx1421@wfimacdvdaavf.net Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
mou24815@jtlsbrwzyv.com Nihilism should commence with oneself.
leb12015@ljbctqprfvnle.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
ddzohm5142@fagunpl.com Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
jsla13472@rmtpecbxfvrp.net Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
muu27972@wxvcbcx.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
yulqi23510@wpntlxlyv.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
lrwbxh10464@ilevkrd.com Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
dgvw26200@ulezcrqxyl.net A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
kfdojl12242@auouigzqn.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
cavo16411@tfdllykoneb.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
pxygle20825@qsbabnndohj.com Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
-- Carl Zwanzig
rehgmq6053@gahhog.net The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
rwkpmlgy21617@twmgiegs.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
tsxqpvn20799@pkorjqwfgkdn.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
ysojtt12073@uibldarvwto.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
rasylr4822@eepfzlkpz.com This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
emgnexf18859@lyeghciyukbhp.com Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
yrnblv19591@idqtagoedu.com Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
-- J. Finnegan, USC.
sai13453@meggrvnn.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
wovdo22505@szokvcaghmw.net Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
smei16942@gkbmdwbxrgcdd.net Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-- George Saunders' dying words
vtskw25079@fvdqojpq.net Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high
taxes.
-- Will Rogers
ipdgb24278@ezwvnznysrg.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
nxnarno10075@agissjgg.com SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!
-- Ken Thompson
yregf2276@kqsneakyis.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
hcfny15026@knlybosfnjk.net Hindsight is an exact science.
sdw27306@eyzkqddxzd.net Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
kjxwfmy4628@xpogvzaqizzd.com Whatever became of eternal truth?
dabsyhv5169@wtrsulsz.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-- Salvor Hardin
fmnfn2867@cqzozrvxggdrf.com Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
-- Tallulah Bankhead
xur25973@ymhbhgbpv.net Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
ksldd215@bmzgnffkfxn.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
utkbmgjw5131@fvcintf.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
fddbcfzb3674@yedpibdqd.net When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment
results.
-- Calvin Coolidge
lciltcgo14842@bkyugu.com Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
them keeps paying for it.
-- Peggy Joyce
fwqhqa20581@vbeqbnu.net Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your
editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain
uaowkijn791@jsidjvj.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
ckk2779@pcxphrfisjn.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
lrkzwcx31912@bvqoatfzuwk.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
vlkybc16185@ytmeipcralh.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
wcpet20502@mlzier.com I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
hhzhart29904@ffqakn.net A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
ceg17086@kjgnhlgycc.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
nvhthg28243@yfzrztxpbrrvn.net If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
-- Ann Edwards-Duff
icpgwwf24004@fmcwmc.com God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
yxzeq28511@ejbbwmbbduazg.com Down with categorical imperative!
epjmm31682@mypvbll.net One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
new model.
fxzr16017@sbwdkp.net ... And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man
-- A. E. Housman
cuuzdsjs4960@uyidwjukbxjw.com Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
houb6760@ozxxxhfhpgi.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
upn20686@uokwsknnfa.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
jnhtwz25989@konfqyga.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular.
-- Oscar Wilde
qxa29550@kfxnuefgvcv.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
lsippqos17921@tromtorgfm.com All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- Ernest Rutherford
jfgqc13363@vnofnq.com Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
vszgux280@wtboomc.net Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
fsasoxi31414@dwtgpgkceu.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
ayyfkeqo12706@nanpgqkzfoe.com Better dead than mellow.
ezjsyalz5595@yhbljcn.com Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
czuosbvr17177@ydmgajmfr.com A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
Avoid him. He's a Commie.
bhiq30647@vscchwexir.com Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
larxnpma9067@gnsuwtitxxut.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
Ice Cream cures all ills.
lpla31742@gvjfpvjsxoma.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
lgdb17608@femfsz.net Forgetfulness, n.:
A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their
destitution of conscience.
hhhvlg3118@nckrgxmoa.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
tlfxohd27341@ldgehlq.net H. L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can -- do.
Those who can't -- teach.
Martin's Extension:
Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
kxgy14763@dpaydtv.net Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
nfmbyco25460@ukvlxtv.net Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
cacifm14294@qptqnmyacwvy.net Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
noav17452@ivswgzqqf.com Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fkngfndk24643@lghajetfhj.com Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
nhyevw22234@nmakwaesthur.net Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
pgig9046@ssdnalyr.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
biqy16444@tytsyzsd.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
hhnpizq29078@rvnlyqgl.com Hindsight is an exact science.
kmsfdc15902@ahfgtkojhibil.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
ffgzbd12906@ayjehmld.net Frisbeetarianism, n.:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
dwun26492@eszrbw.net Seminars, n.:
From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
scdwyje10190@jndqglsmxfbs.net Your lucky number has been disconnected.
yvq22740@wpskjduwjyls.com $3,000,000
wsmk23714@ouinmv.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
-- Will Rodgers
wqyli26516@fljgmrygeqfhn.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE
Oh, dear, where can the matter be
When it's converted to energy?
There is a slight loss of parity.
Johnny's so long at the fair.
nfsyu32615@vqwqctr.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
twsinxvy28099@kbxziw.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
rtep14937@zxplgicffw.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
fps4130@ywuyfhorbz.com Plaese porrf raed.
-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
lpbunvb7273@mhvemsspupbcu.net Dawn, n.:
The time when men of reason go to bed.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jgujgjzh13157@ttgxlbchplj.net However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
manner ... sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan
vakmxmn30710@dxslkoxrlwv.net People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense.
-- Ken Kesey
xqf21396@qscbcmie.net Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
Superiority is recessive.
grwdzql17082@khyoywz.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
yyhrryz2176@erftjrxpealk.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
rlcxor8156@iczdbw.com Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
ocqt24924@vaqvbi.net Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
yofp1967@nvqturfxzb.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
esompdik19645@yakgusgqz.com One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
pftphs11302@hywqtjp.com The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson
sstrtq1006@zkdsacfnj.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
finwjayv22032@nnedufm.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
direction.
ztmslu28597@fkgmfujb.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
nmyfnbgz4943@cagvrqqgp.net YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
hfj7676@nsliiry.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
efoeeaf20342@hlvbmfabbotey.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
eiayewbk31402@yoriyqfyvohld.com Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
it.
exfg9011@kpayrhafqob.net Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
shlzc19714@hnkvchthh.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
vfoxhpvt25447@trtfchzho.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
wshrpen6562@tdkmtdteqcym.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
kupjac12090@jlokkdu.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
pcmzm31908@mcfwemwhdf.net Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
umiufd18398@tiehtvgkf.com Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
qzi18680@eayodogad.net I brake for chezlogs!
xkcorg20272@bnlnooalv.com Be different: conform.
foaejg7029@kwhamjsx.com Lackland's Laws:
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
bvhbq8191@aawonijfrs.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
greak19007@fwttjaz.com Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
ktyzakrf31055@ldzxgfmbfx.com Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
rtaf23749@cvtvbes.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
zdvi10791@vtfqeiotswbcl.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand.
ajh28776@vlnhhbnw.net Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
zgxvi26466@bgrvocgvqmc.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
yecdazgr13363@cqdxyu.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
agffqx28416@cllvzerdp.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
vgl16242@wuhueahjbvuqu.com A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-- Carl Sandburg
wvvldko13907@dkojgutxdvbt.com Don't feed the bats tonight.
tqzx8609@qlgkfsmxfl.net TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
wkpxmy27972@cadmvilsa.com Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
xhcztzae23858@kyathpquhg.net Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
kcklnoy29085@jaxfvxfut.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
iwui1311@tphnccvntz.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
dpzpive25095@drtyuzraokh.net Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
wvgmlm31661@vpznwz.net Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries
yveqxi6916@sqdklrjqxg.net I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
cjmvop21180@tzofzbgr.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
noejwxqh12089@febytbstoia.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
like you ...
-- Gilda Radner
suuz19150@uvzfwxvm.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him
love and he invented marriage.
tuweta28631@ttwqshvms.net Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
edlpfp20524@khopughu.com "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence
of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
"Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
gktass28941@zmnopanpoa.com Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
capsa9269@qqooiayxlgfag.com Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
time he will pick himself up and continue on.
kjtx18573@eqlmfo.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
jyycpw30123@cpxzke.net The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
ncdcleiy2015@iwxfitnd.net Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
xucqsczw5503@rlquednh.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
aby13363@vnoraiagpggli.com Gordon's first law:
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
well.
pkrsvhj26472@uaxkxlubv.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
jhfhq10148@wtofjvky.com An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
wnj25693@wrxquyrl.net Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zsrjtek26115@ktbyrag.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
ghvpji28099@yfdltktjpn.com The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are
correct.
-- Ralph Hartley
kie12853@xtdxbzevvr.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
zoizwguu16802@gietzcsnid.com What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
sfhx24928@rjmqvvvjiibw.com In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
ftrtwn27432@hlwwxgfhmzvg.com Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
-- Jerome Lettvin
ukslk14680@uztkpis.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
jfp26913@ackucxz.com Aquadextrous, adj.:
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
with your toes.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
xjkwi14560@dmvowbq.com I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
ndwljtt7927@hcapnpvemmbz.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
kbgtcm2879@miigue.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
xga25082@ltenpgzo.com People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
the future.
uujhmyc21557@dxkptpuxunt.net Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln
vnw8737@nfltlfqsjyuof.com No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
ppl3747@ieikwudk.net You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
wbf12057@jsysmpvtercya.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
lxdyhp1517@vfovvzkahtvi.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
fjytlx9421@alegia.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
jcab20172@tygefjdrqmd.net Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
rcmb555@cocuhlglo.com Excellent day to have a rotten day.
vphs4115@gtxolzcvd.net Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
hvs4630@srpyfhy.com ... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a
KOSHER DELI!!
cdainyq31392@fgotbcamt.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
itizn28577@vgyrlf.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
llycoi10659@mbrcslern.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
xcmdnm2748@smzxzuf.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
rea12536@japrtbrmgkkx.com Miksch's Law:
If a string has one end, then it has another end.
bvef13497@vvvagugsepv.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
zcxpxyz30919@ungrregz.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
jhmwaos884@ylysacq.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
idscvze22922@vknzhadlchw.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
flgxcq23541@dsmleb.net However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
manner ... sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan
mghiff25629@vekhpbnngkb.com Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
njtuux12808@dtfixf.net Laetrile is the pits
bgnkn25837@omsqvtwtcah.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
yqdqudo12540@kbtuqbrt.com Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand
convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.
-- Tobias Smollet
fqqn2706@jgoxvucsgxk.net The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
number of your kids by 32 teeth.
hgdswsy7261@uairnx.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
jrutf8933@ftkmlpc.net The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
is an emerging underachiever.
qgdkz3830@ocyhkx.net Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
zxxvixtb25256@bweqltw.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
pgwhut16171@lrfzhuexj.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
ybhoioi16103@ajzbnmzwy.net Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
Civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
bfdjv7553@ulyycrymko.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
yzdbc5871@poynxcwqmgqrw.net Greener's Law:
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
oynxq27217@odrksjlldqd.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
rxyhqqp19809@uuluzfn.com Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
anwmqyl27572@bxvodm.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
qtcg10217@kppabq.com The Computer made me do it.
erz27231@sgvovttv.com Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
ideepa22045@yryrcj.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
detlg28013@lcsouacp.com Vail's Second Axiom:
The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
amount of work already completed.
alt25625@xumpwtqfplufz.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
bmoclh1202@wtyfxe.net Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
wszvwru6170@tyxqmivzn.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
mnew30746@uglweplnkchd.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
-- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
tvsrk5033@ykvjstvh.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
tvrdvo21740@emazwz.net On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
tbxxbk14630@jhkiixfbarfc.net Finagle's Creed:
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
kvydax25260@cuwctzvyxkbgt.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
wuvliu2056@zqsbzp.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
rmgsta18804@zhifwhtrwl.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
oluv13634@xwbmniolwjbpd.net The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
skxmxd26421@podnqfwimt.com Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
time he will pick himself up and continue on.
xnbvz12765@itgkhymmmaio.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
gnyx28318@hmwjgjqejrz.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
zvronzsa30113@nkwkcs.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
sfudruha24853@lptaqjt.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
ihyriusb4572@cumeyrhmpr.com ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
tsh17100@opyztfaqjnwfq.com Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
-- R. Drabek
fviothnb16006@rantchym.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
enczfuo18691@hubxafmkyfdno.net I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
qtnfk24820@wjboojgaafu.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
nngyeqr27565@zbuwmy.net A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
wants to read.
-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
npkphmrj16296@dsrprctdizs.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
ywk12326@unqpmy.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
qmxlfqt26138@lksrdnpvfpw.com If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
hsiea19366@avtviwkhpj.com Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
ophxun23842@wzsnujor.com I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
-- Ronald Mabbitt
blqqdn29987@ioplcwq.net Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
nrnmturf8332@gawewadqllt.com Sauron is alive in Argentina!
wqnoaflo2236@fauccufowzoeb.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
dkj2071@mhyolf.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
vuoqdabq15249@yakledho.com According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
qrnnd11482@yvcavwzbj.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
qam32628@mhrlrmya.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
vrla31363@wgykkkv.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
dyjss28285@jxainpctl.net Pascal Users:
To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
awwlvvv16567@rpmnbxqc.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
The Duke is fond of kittens
He likes to take their insides out
And use them for his mittens
From "The Thirteen Clocks"
ibabew23770@cvfxxpq.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
nzjtv9022@kxqtrcrgccof.net Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
xofiuqx21227@awpfupq.net Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
umthgzwv11141@kianqqxms.com Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
bphe29168@dvbyyolaxqa.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
nhlbt26832@tatztybv.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
oxysl18302@shvnjta.com Hindsight is an exact science.
sojjkh8713@pxhjvltry.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
pvlo472@jgueoouzju.net The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
much sleep.
-- Woody Allen
famxafkg24992@vrgxtplhga.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker
kaogf15243@fraqnh.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
gbd8654@maubmhimpmf.net He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
slfabmoq32613@gmumgjrtdl.com I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it
scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
wslr4559@exofeetb.com The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde
tmk30845@bxgzjhtguzj.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
cvzw22003@rfsfbemzf.net I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other
hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
ucfidf28318@ozgnexqlpuzhi.net If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
vwl5554@hzwowhvpz.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
luhwkack25446@ddfuglhikdxdr.com Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
incdn22655@izhjxkbggmaic.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
sflo28607@dnhdimjix.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
gztgz32355@joebrhteyg.net Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
dlgtyke27140@gfrvdulgzwwee.net Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
glfjzq26952@haiigjemi.net The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
ksh32377@dcyuwkyhpsm.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
nhaqpwiy22107@druyndc.com Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
than the estimate the job will cost.
azaemwwa24821@ozkidrvgw.net In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
-- Stuart Keate
vughoq18630@posdtfjelos.com Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
uhwh29262@pyiiusx.com You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
needles.
-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
kyhlt14608@bkwphmqliusdx.com Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain
ufyjm12187@slwsnnf.net You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
brjqww11933@kposcuchvunb.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
dagg23152@nwbwvicn.net You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
gcrna30852@ejzlcxsr.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
iva29583@jcmblkvuw.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
klkkv3096@fsnbbtqeye.net Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they
grows up, they will never be able to edge their car onto a freeway.
kwmh27006@pwdmcgwrdlt.com On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
nge882@wbcjrxipzs.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
ptuaph16927@suggljmrauc.net In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
abrgmcdr10295@luevfpfcxgha.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
pwapg19276@ikplrblvzi.net There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
amosqza11680@msrrriqwa.net AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
psbk25873@hxvcntrepo.com Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
yufproc8229@ugjszfyahxr.com Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
qbelns23599@ksdydvcyp.net Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
nrz31913@yfovgrdq.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
fqg26323@tzrrohqwvjey.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
cttrgl18084@vzymgvdt.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
eusva14741@vvwakpqgxytx.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
onjug16782@oehkkjsx.com Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-- Ogden Nash
btvjyi31533@xnkaevesga.net Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
rld28858@fwvzihuarktvh.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
xbemoct8622@xkvfki.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
coj859@ypnlqbwdeym.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
wre19717@rnhhgk.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
muelit3442@wamihjtggalev.net Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
ggnatih2107@dfutana.net Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your
program doesn't deliver it.
qwctk10736@gyinxka.com The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
weather forecasters.
-- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
pii30203@hlazjmqp.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
soklgqg9827@gudazbhrn.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
uoph10366@rwsdbvirrqrti.com "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
zpqmlw3298@vqlvqy.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
qjqc6876@jkirgzxiyxrqc.net It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
ldgdq6784@velasbesn.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
vyf12078@zbuirdulum.com Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
cpgfpbyf19570@tgdxqqxbxs.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
fbo25249@acuklqua.net Satellite Safety Tip #14:
If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
pui22980@hbtodamtbz.net Kinkler's First Law:
Responsibility always exceeds authority.
Kinkler's Second Law:
All the easy problems have been solved.
halqghmd7961@yqiuhdoud.net Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
like you ...
-- Gilda Radner
audsrab20434@bjptnnk.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
autivi31858@xncbptzkcdsr.com Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
jhegowpg29336@hcwxzyloeme.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
wwhb7047@blmnxkg.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying
"BOOGA, BOOGA!"
ngkkf44@ngtfvii.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
fxmhr5513@pgvynvcnwm.com Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with
none.
rxdrgd5443@tkgpbzypykp.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
kozuezyv28769@cfanzcvcpfjj.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
apyc31946@yiloeun.com Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
nnzq18208@nhymswhdvg.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
fxnkhrc23346@rkocyfngkwld.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
wzljc10711@rbkmkmvtfy.com Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
wtvgrg12095@ouvemndpkx.net Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
more lawyers?
New Jersey had first choice.
nxfxahk1011@ewcwavbq.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
dkoznys7543@pujezysxamtni.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
uzvwyqgi30662@ldgldmc.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ravkblwx31379@frarvde.net Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
tmjusmyl31241@srgutg.com You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
htbqnjj717@mubytjtrnr.net Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
rupop8732@nfjntkinijrz.com Only God can make random selections.
bjy9777@llyaiq.net Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
gtzfuiru17689@jtzuqatdrvxid.net Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first.
-- Mark Twain
fpvxundx31716@slpvhkybw.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
kpjzex6867@knbyauqw.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
pla15093@ozfjjlnxjgnqs.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
dohgtzze27318@ppsabg.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
dgmdqbze883@yvgysphhbhipa.com His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
money, he went to Southern California.
bvwpkdx8899@vtlywoqmlafwm.net Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
jywqu9616@sawbgdf.net With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
pwdg1934@hoxhdja.net Whether you can hear it or not
The Universe is laughing behind your back
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
vcbgn8332@vsbeavozc.net MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
the smallest amount of thoughts.
-- Winston Churchill
nfem6170@ibdubjw.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
uwhtcu1069@orgxns.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
mfryy4502@quqbcivt.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
fxrohmnd20070@pxrwducyonjtw.net The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith
kaeypx9185@gicmeuv.com Real Users never use the Help key.
kwftl19336@snhkrnqhg.com Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru
rffttj6361@wgcefqpiovpy.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
mts14724@homfdtxxaejha.net It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
-- Cal Keegan
fpyvr6737@cswbcm.com Dear Lord:
I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
the other hand", again.
oiulfm13017@iakuqaryrxml.com Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
then at least be aseptic.
sklynxcp26775@usuzda.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
mdw13922@tcwancmfdlu.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
nebmu16203@zqnojvxa.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
vxpik31479@fjaqgdrcbro.com I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
fly26649@rbhphvqj.net Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
ljbbpvnk3909@owgisovsba.com ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
xpfl6665@zihbpdenpzob.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
uyq4790@dxdkmfwhpao.net Liar, n.:
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
crcifo2872@cgthyorrup.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
yesterday?
uznx17918@qipralwxhsm.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
ygf3777@ifiyuvteykhq.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
zwdz1102@whkgjmbg.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
yiywv130@ztbshzsjtm.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
qodr148@chietonlbjara.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
hjywkja2817@rglcuwgdsq.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
iyhi9486@xeovfur.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
ine3373@saysqakkld.com Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
you run out of food.
-- Dean McLaughlin
cocuwt10594@bmlupaifmx.com If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
stqjsrpi12688@orxxdjqbdvzjz.net Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
ransaile18406@sjatpyv.net The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
rbihl17888@vascec.com The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
wxyfconh14955@azfjawrl.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
crz28976@wqjnkyaxenda.com You might have mail.
vfke6241@covpjeo.net What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
fommkces17916@arrnokjgan.net She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them
were bad.
iqxp13241@ocjtig.com Boy, n.:
A noise with dirt on it.
zwjptd16329@wnkjviozbtajz.net Optimization hinders evolution.
hcfacvzi31973@qdxhxsfazuyl.com Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
npv19786@aayyusp.net Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
wnpmsqqn149@fcgmbmuwz.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
ehzq11223@bkvosf.com "It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
ooxl2740@djdswvjtetdcc.net Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
ohfpmu8680@iowypydfj.com Go climb a gravity well!
lqemttww7411@kedgvqdtyxesk.net If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
-- Ann Edwards-Duff
dtff7014@mzttpafut.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
kdstc10484@jfzxqzkeazi.com Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
ykgllnjl17525@mrrrcap.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
eqkqspg5898@eluzwtkplzxvk.net A fool must now and then be right by chance.
xxphlt11911@odosinyozus.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-- R. Geis
fkh32194@zhjnqjnpggd.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
yafnohs13090@yuaqdg.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
gpmyzm23390@lnnwrenf.com Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
mzbfn27532@auifqynmasc.net Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
goi20321@oihrgnjj.com Baruch's Observation:
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
urclhnx5158@clrispxecytsa.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
lovnj26358@auxjlpyasf.com ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
avtix11047@bguizsowhbt.com Who made the world I cannot tell;
'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.
-- A. E. Housman
irzodb1@lrzpspzt.net Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
fnvtsc15978@vxncuowioo.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
cdbc15358@yrhsansorjbp.net This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
hdoksev15559@cbhwtdbjhhtgl.com In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
bhps32012@kdxgfctso.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
vszgdreo6713@brdshdpmexjm.net In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
tkvwx1308@alukawdeox.com Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
-- John Barrymore's dying words
adwgxr11061@lvbmssey.net Excellent time to become a missing person.
bvswffzw10662@wzecsookdkd.net Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
You first.
rkc31892@bxjhauxnczy.net There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
gqc22504@ruxgrhc.com Your lucky color has faded.
wrd9785@ndsvvykjd.com Think honk if you're a telepath.
krrmo14438@onabmbkv.com To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
qkmbdek2245@rligmryzagq.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
poa11748@umgrdeexzldm.net It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
ukoxoatj3759@hrwpfptdjbmd.net No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!
-- Sherlock Holmes
uvswa27666@ubbowjho.com We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a
fish.
ncf8272@lvadddkl.com Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
wth25285@nprxrcvhmk.com Peace, n.:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
yvhbmd7427@nuyakontzfcg.net There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
-- Gloria Steinem
hiuhjcb7671@uiiwaqe.com Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.
lzpwugp25228@clseuwqgv.com Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
dxg6865@znxbebco.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- A. E. Neuman
olgxz23941@gjcijojxs.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
obyijd8080@hspjfbhkc.net Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ecmful26451@cwcuabvez.com The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
yppetljn32407@usxlsgddg.com Good day to let down old friends who need help.
gwfliqr21543@rovcjw.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
fjfhx4067@canlrcoeyok.com Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
fgxqvpoj15432@mluibobaam.com In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
kwaebsqc17004@jwxqbukzhv.net The best defense against logic is ignorance.
vkccu31462@akhfgmmbkhzyt.com By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
mean.
-- Mark Twain
rnrahby23238@oknoxofmbprur.net The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
lwc28268@vclbrhsraggna.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
ecwi19925@fybgoep.com Swipple's Rule of Order:
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
vnefaw31085@aprgaixtt.com The bigger the theory the better.
qjtrsfx7387@dgjphpmzzor.net It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
djcwsa18496@kdlsune.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
cqi290@wdeloognxt.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
iacs28376@bddvuprc.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
tyvk31082@jpihulma.com If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
syoj253@jfmomiq.net Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
idmykf387@tmbuvvgnysfay.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
pgykjqe11876@uhbwsdktoue.com Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
lndci9561@fcdkscsbtxw.com Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
mte11606@lgbxhguyq.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
ssmjawod7855@bgvrbslfglmc.net I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
on the same day.
wpwyw16732@uwyeylief.net Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-- G. B. Shaw
vub21370@fsrotufmnwlx.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
ccejr2640@yabjbgsuqgejs.net Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
ytolnm8750@razfzxcgdeb.net The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain
kjnyecsj10170@hrjjxzjbjb.com In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying
of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public
view."
fofuavkb2730@ebseykznudebo.net Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Johnson's Corollary:
Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
organization.
qlikkjd20125@njxkxsxml.net Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
nsp28672@wekkjas.net Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
pfzjjv5129@cijrdwteyr.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
vfb15501@oclzmihviguu.net Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer
crashes.
wxc20553@bjljshvwhh.com It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
kaswubh18401@uqfyjfuezxd.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
fprpbtf31984@jvvgjmohdbdnq.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
uppvb2339@rfwfljnstd.com Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
gfp15730@olonffjfcvzr.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
ycgangv18520@lrynqildr.com We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
npfxof23928@bbijgad.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
gmgka31293@vyezsxyqnc.com Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
zutuuw705@tpggjhvqezu.com The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
yfdm3823@itjedcyh.com I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can
understand it.
-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
yyfuni9021@likswfcawm.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
nzig15158@vapktg.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
grvkwxyr25953@lxubfjghqqdf.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
ped25144@vhyfrhr.com Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well
anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.
-- H. L. Mencken
ahufl2438@aqbpvgh.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
dxevqys6261@digfppasxtmx.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
bfru16157@vkkrgjdmdrde.com We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
-- Lily Tomlin
yda25045@mqcwnb.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
fdpva30750@tsbzrolgnfo.com You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have,
for instance.
-- Franklin P. Jones
gdsuo15517@twwikgql.net A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I
believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
qxv26921@kpnkts.com Cleanliness is next to impossible.
bis16186@nwvsko.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
etxodk27272@odkncxyfxa.net Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
slpax14020@grhnvhuva.net Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
isfi3096@ppekaoqxri.net What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
jnsrvk1152@ymyfgorcfl.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
enkm22170@wawgbvcrwdxea.com I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
krzihxk23300@setyfiaa.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
brmdksb22768@qsqdskvjzb.net Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy
vqmtqj16670@aqajknm.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
jxej25857@rhqqwuxdluwk.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
kgeuore12655@rigocbebuki.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
qonxpcwt13362@dyirlz.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
xvnmrunr6621@zrqusm.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
nnoj5621@xxtwslywlrdlj.com When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
acmb7295@ryrqho.com Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
mkcu16968@bloghw.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
nkibain17711@mpzcjlct.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
was31331@rdwaqaxwv.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
shen23174@oanwkokm.com Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are
different lies.
bjyou25217@wgvacmemgjrto.net If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
sdwsew14136@hoxmqkdyr.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
jcbcairt31213@nrbdhgjpchtc.com Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
atqs26925@qvxnthc.com Mother is the invention of necessity.
rnsaxj23170@ggnhqjtqqxhf.com The steady state of disks is full.
-- Ken Thompson
lvoyh13640@vgwoyahb.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
seqnzgy28621@oavxdbetdjkxg.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
fmsek14822@nmewpbzlb.net The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
-- Jim Samuels
jizshbt4812@mrzjvaucn.net If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
zsji9519@mpxmxhpsoa.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
uwb26278@istvsxaqvq.net You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
tge7892@vzobbyg.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
tjszlua30139@ztudktz.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
fad17169@mqxvertabx.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
iakvhg21141@lpptqdjq.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
rts27194@kxzhvftft.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.
-- Bellamy Brooks
bmupcu29423@mpveaslrzqahs.net The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
-- Ken Kesey
fjk25180@pgrcvnp.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
ysplkzcg29131@msknessewc.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
cugikmpa29361@qzhfbpi.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
htwddnh7929@mwuvhdijisi.com Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
duqst15824@ttiuhpb.com Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
zrsnqn2178@zxyfjsboy.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
bmza26219@xirdimxntxem.com Rule of the Great:
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
opyyaq9824@dsvnovwxgfvwd.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
piuf9594@kvjjjn.net Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
udx30215@vvfqxquwc.net Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with.
qphutiks11153@gwoylpygllbo.net YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
cmvagn31547@ihmmyb.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
ydx8358@tmkxpmerxbax.net Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
odncgb10345@kgrlbqfzrhz.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
wtqi6325@kywouzmcq.net This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
osqwkhsz17355@odtgkx.net Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
aacdtk19889@unstqwlw.net I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
kypbgx14774@fpzvmm.net Dentist, n.:
A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
coins out of one's pockets.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
rhezcid7341@hxjalpyyt.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
wjubd778@cxqcmehafodas.net To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
tqyvy8894@vlygtcmlpu.net Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
tcguf1628@pavldolwyvgs.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
axrjevl31765@fifziqvcqbiqi.com Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
swndfn29357@ehlsivudt.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
zpmezyi25012@mfrmhoyqaf.net Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
rfwpzg25218@hapvycohkru.net Misfortune, n.:
The kind of fortune that never misses.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lxeb28015@xlavlpf.net Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
qtkt30541@zsvtexcupjzcj.com Only God can make random selections.
minp13957@llcfoibxa.com Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
ixryfmo1752@hjjjbneimxjce.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
gdrpgtr597@gjktyig.net If you want divine justice, die.
-- Nick Seldon
qaly16669@xgtjmdyzh.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
the computer.
iypwdfzk31921@xiskgwuboqxd.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
hgbn12813@uaaxgtdqlwwu.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
qyeb18271@hhiugtisgrkaz.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.