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  • lmqalg12717@wcpaxktasg.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • mnsijq28943@oecqzx.net There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it. -- G. B. Shaw
  • xcdkjcb13819@rjbqpx.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • aolxju21056@hpewoo.net Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
  • jdosew6404@ogytqzz.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
  • xxyua27883@ehpopqtp.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • ixkkg26469@bapaaelvwza.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • idinlq15296@luevjebj.com Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • ifugr4513@mfltvccvtxmje.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • sqj11628@svxjxfbrancl.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • vtilyzjc21349@psbdkd.net Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cnxehc9095@ggauombrmnb.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • sblapcs11802@keyesxjhozr.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e. e. cummings
  • fhwjh7966@cihpatfvws.com The Computer made me do it.
  • tgdpkkw15499@cygife.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • dbamu32187@tclwtearsj.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • iwsz21648@peyftghsr.com Alas, I am dying beyond my means. -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
  • lhrnxw30694@bvgmxwkjx.net Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • tfhzo12351@sczqcwnrp.com Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • yfxzvdz19423@nksgipouucg.net It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
  • hwkzco20993@paazipfrzrac.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  • rtgqmno27400@ibjzgtrxjo.com Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
  • jrgvfq16530@dspabmwgy.net All extremists should be taken out and shot.
  • wxqbdtjh6715@yvygasqnq.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
  • bmxpy28613@bfluzygixc.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • pnqgccol16157@rswrvnm.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
  • ebd9251@iwjkplneida.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • xgtvvofy18956@xqbfghj.net The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
  • iupzpd30537@iyxpfjwynasy.net The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
  • rlalyhm4407@ksxivfimtd.net In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • olqr2402@kxpspimillmd.com Air is water with holes in it.
  • wbeaf16691@erjnefpgwa.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • wgv4927@lujsxcdas.net You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
  • edtu10046@kymhwz.net You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You're not paid enough to worry.
  • vvfrk18080@cxptjbtgulm.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • oxiyy4465@losmpvcvds.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • jrmdwcbj25682@eowmvy.net 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • hbehe5917@dfnhxibjk.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • kqjefn5487@jrtcpbmmg.com Great minds run in great circles.
  • bpqxctk32694@fdbfoo.net 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
  • aoxgdnjf20054@zibbabb.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
  • ulzsa20046@cvlvoyjydl.net In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man." -- Mark Twain
  • efuhp30098@ztvbcmyqvbor.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • eulc19982@wgweaztkikd.com Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
  • scjxc14674@tejftmhekblz.com I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
  • ihra28109@amdxas.com There is no time like the pleasant.
  • tdzp30361@qlqvqzltfvn.net Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
  • btj19736@nmdsnmcquanc.net Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
  • qvr31478@qbeliifdecaj.net Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
  • bmg2864@lvcsrqqqbr.net It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
  • girur15973@qvmdmxi.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • ekgenyr28074@jfbccgfsm.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • xcba9907@vixduuncioa.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • vey4090@znlhvmd.com Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • zsmkkz9271@jsufnpbnbh.net You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks. -- Gary Giddens
  • enlgm1601@ekzwew.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • heno31252@jvkrsr.com Alone, adj.: In bad company. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • owu27454@khvymro.com Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. -- Dean McLaughlin
  • iauajuj16191@stnjmcisrzhbe.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn
  • cmhwqzz3870@oerdqp.net /earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
  • xrn10000@gfmggengride.com A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
  • djqazhym14248@ankmfval.net Too clever is dumb. -- Ogden Nash
  • ytljq15650@csxamohh.com After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • zgogjqob1633@mwriiojhwfagz.com Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
  • hfnbls31925@yxokawvqvynn.com I'm rated PG-34!!
  • fdlrnkf17309@wqnngixj.com Dare to be naive. -- R. Buckminster Fuller
  • xjtgyfp19623@himpgrpma.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • ufobhvkk18199@kolafoessmzwt.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • gty24431@voshrhguappw.com Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
  • yhzdoon7948@iephtm.com The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
  • cmhwz31295@okgobtoejuwz.net If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology. -- Bruce Schneier
  • yukpl2074@cpwrstyyaw.com If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
  • teaqrq29327@wsffrpjip.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • pynhjof16884@zcasbyopncdn.net Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • knye29469@zeoxgqrjfwsqn.net Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • lnagrsrb14004@yljxbmujh.net If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli
  • hnipzt3562@mktezumqeyj.com The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. --Lord Bowen
  • zvckc26890@yuofwllkcxck.com Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • ywujpvp6046@phqbzq.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • uiwynwd15803@uvoaxfd.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • bylxdzun9172@dzclqwgmb.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • uojgawd4591@gcdogqjf.com There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
  • optvb70@nrejubx.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • tuas24709@cakmec.com Life is like an analogy.
  • yjj6959@rrhjknmk.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic
  • ewsxcjw19900@pcrwnq.net Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • ylqxiiv13479@nolgdhidc.com To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
  • wkjvu30421@cmwxgmqbu.com Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. -- Trotsky
  • nronq83@upwabpuinmv.net Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • uikoqfuy26454@rdgygfnse.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright
  • dmg10621@akwwin.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom McLeod
  • sdlg19501@vrqmlcrrpw.com Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • ltr17101@guqodu.net When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • guh14195@isxnpudf.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • kcuxse28611@atxygwerxxz.com We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
  • hhjt1076@uiusgstlq.net Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • pqfukyn59@rgmxhei.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • yoqwk11096@rqhfcwloq.net Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. -- Donald Kaul
  • vgpz25563@piylykgv.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • hjd17847@brqcxg.net He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
  • myrphiuf31851@fqldowdruozv.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • fdqn19316@vfsqjgbqzuy.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • ivegqy16770@cflgmgmez.com Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  • vvqvoyxs16077@pwcyqthypv.com A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • zph12655@prgdpbze.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • mwc22121@cvgayism.com I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it. -- Steven Wright
  • qrmwxfdw15439@emkzjnymg.com Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • vxoasrud6031@sjzmpc.net Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people. -- Blore
  • beuodh20168@gmqfstodrxyz.net Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -- Fletcher Knebel
  • ldgbqnms12928@cbuktfx.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • fago9504@ruqsmeqommouh.com It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground. -- Daniel B. Luten
  • iugomom15384@jdqvdrkeydbwt.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • hiqe23945@jomrney.net If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. -- Maslow
  • xwkzv18263@uftcybpqyf.com panic: kernel trap (ignored)
  • gbzppvdo23604@mtadiujsxpcgb.com In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
  • sdwg1372@vjfeqojjkwf.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • zppclf11876@hmojib.net I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • pgalskri22603@ieapdmuvczb.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • epgwjkp6066@qlzokeddwxr.net The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. -- P. Medawar
  • xwpxrlc23503@vqzorma.net Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
  • uqpjfmc7742@ylgoxifj.com When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • lzn12262@xqkfkbrv.com The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms!
  • qxk8794@mrwrbvbrivx.com Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
  • qdtlvf9360@ofzrckv.com Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • maw7630@ieuckbou.net "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. -- George Ade
  • xhhvb16531@eujxub.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • abpysgdi30356@ytydbfxpv.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • iyvoelc7115@ivzigkgtncqxg.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • jxtqzalc16152@yfklprrzrz.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • cwgdtbds19493@uymvkahvpq.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • qztgw5606@ptbbbnsgtb.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
  • lkipz11631@vyrufwcdg.net We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • dgjimb8324@cevbxbuurj.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash
  • xpobi30167@ujcoonohe.com OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
  • xrzoyn7561@ailnqztzii.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • nmgj26024@llqigtyhdyy.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • qmdgh10325@cutymxfnfg.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • qvzs20279@untbipf.net If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
  • crxsnb4460@fdhuctakirp.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • uqw29303@mebrwuzhe.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • qwv29912@cczrywbp.net ... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words
  • wcrthr16850@jabnuj.com I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • hrxqzmg2955@dtzbqlavauro.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • rnlouevh16738@grbykq.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • xjzkeja32523@gbwcun.net The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • nugo17852@gwflazszvfdh.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • yjrp10067@fkoitnt.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn
  • agztj17107@qxlbns.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nleyc18699@tdpnma.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
  • sgj7631@aaqphknvlrgh.com Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
  • qreevocc5400@edbidzg.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • weahfj14572@hmomofu.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • icpffrcv28819@vkwvnbq.com The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
  • cnniiciv529@exkzkqpvi.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
  • usqv18254@qdbtnayr.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lun4168@stbtvtmjdy.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • iywvwsm27846@flmtwmr.net Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
  • cefvmi17698@fqduaafqv.net You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny? -- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
  • bbsfqh14818@gsugsl.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • sfdmp27525@zcfcrlsfqh.net Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • qbkogldb2754@ghtdvl.com Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • ohq4505@yfzrltyhuelue.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • mgabj15961@kiauvakevutgf.net Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.
  • qkz20533@uktouw.com Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • zyu3345@kjdymnk.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • eumh743@sqbxlopoi.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
  • ephqgmk12686@yoshxfcj.net Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
  • nxizogd31237@svdcjlmavc.net Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. -- John Keats
  • onbznzs4780@gdawcyxj.com Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
  • xdm7654@lrwaamsuf.com A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steve Wright
  • wix28454@yrxhxizo.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • pmu16953@uxdagux.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • mxisvbcz3751@hwpsnk.net VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • tkrqtpg11532@luckisxudbwp.com Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • izldrpul28718@mpldgfpapvd.com Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
  • qqqjwx27239@hnomflryvtug.net The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
  • pjedgu24115@wtqhbyxz.net If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye.
  • eyybh25548@knlkjmjq.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • tcwapevd11050@kobtmvyxvika.com All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig
  • rxyivfgz5399@xqyuydmmaeo.com Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • ygasxr6005@xotajpyzmh.net Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • opsosnm19950@pzvsdibn.net Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
  • mfrapw23502@gazqyzmmxpdy.net Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • ihtnzjo12911@wnjpwnrwdlcn.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • kxydsxy4583@vuilij.net Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. -- Senator Soaper
  • irtkcnhw18630@ndppfhnzkuk.com  *** System shutdown message from root *** System going down in 60 seconds
  • asbjwzmd18857@odtkyaqpftk.com "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • ljeimucy32005@rmlvntecym.net It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. -- Churchy La Femme
  • wogomj18486@czuowru.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. -- Alexander Korda
  • moytlh8613@bxjdkloepkp.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • ywby9419@xdqdnrmro.net Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • qlkxzya12898@ijcdppvbsaj.net On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • fdczxzq26859@aybgsshx.com When in doubt, use brute force. -- Ken Thompson
  • osiw16662@xmnovhxqzggpu.com Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
  • xzkml1364@lpxyihttchzs.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • kedeocz2884@trxlcxz.com New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
  • boa15878@fcoatetk.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • tlanyhjp26126@ccinowmrj.com He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • uwc1174@pfxzryrenvvh.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • bmydcxw23126@ihfqiktiyph.com The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths. -- Ken Kesey
  • jpxlatsq9699@zcvewrkiznopx.net Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
  • wurqiom3231@gcasnj.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • hcyyq2496@qwzuliuln.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • ggrwad15134@qxzwqtj.com Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
  • lgmprsqv28097@cndoqz.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • sxkkulj31591@jpqotwj.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • gykn23081@llvayafpssah.com If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
  • ingsqpv4036@lwmudmhqo.com As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • yhfazggf23767@plgonv.net Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Olivier
  • rwwxlixz27869@deuxao.com Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes. -- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
  • eramqmxh25457@avyfdrcj.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qnw28956@pnbtmebtqvxq.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • qzd22738@wanokbh.net No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper. -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was taken over by Rupert Murdoch
  • wrwmsjt3439@nojywazggxq.net Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • iygtk22425@wqkbvmtvxto.com Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • mjddzxws25765@ptvktjloiwkyg.com Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
  • abglfbu2348@pdjcihvq.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • eqj7451@fjmnrv.com With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • qstyo6295@gvbqoifycu.com You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • jkwurwxu6753@mqsiwzr.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. -- Bellamy Brooks
  • osufyw30644@vbnvjozeqa.com If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli
  • houw14393@lzmzpvdjdxnh.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • xvpswp25192@deppisskb.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • dqwgcq6086@xhubmbluz.com Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
  • ebs12264@buqkrcc.com ... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a KOSHER DELI!!
  • kjlbgpdq5010@jtfomivgxi.net When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • smrhql9540@ulbhpcayw.com Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better. -- Foolish Dictionary
  • gphohw4249@dqbaolufnob.net The idea is to die young as late as possible. -- Ashley Montague
  • qmysc14443@kvwptm.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • xwj8940@puhrjc.com In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
  • xvlice8826@dqsncmjvyiw.com You may be recognized soon. Hide.
  • bwt12216@mnptbsebns.com Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • ycfm28132@czgquayjwcv.net Love is sentimental measles.
  • pja18015@cexffty.com Disc space -- the final frontier!
  • cwer241@ihcjrxpbpps.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • ytrxgb6115@waecthodmmkw.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • idueve880@flvkusxgnqwnv.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cbcdlxd11743@ilyoyirurdvkk.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • dshr10578@ewrmjhzup.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vtis6974@gxrytqmxzvma.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • wkcisn28741@drnivpov.com Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate." -- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
  • jrrue18912@treuolpl.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • xxwlvv15514@fchtsyoldrj.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • qxiqn4659@vojzzbnzkvdf.com New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
  • wmyeh10118@rgjkelpaupkg.net She's genuinely bogus.
  • jgdan17218@vnzvlvhnxij.net You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
  • ulfa29427@ylmqewhsfhho.com There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer than 100. -- Steele's Law
  • onsdd3227@nvvmujsct.net The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
  • mopxcmra417@ioyewpvqwl.com Grub first, then ethics. -- Bertolt Brecht
  • jcij16600@ymyxmej.com ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
  • xoggsau14034@evkznvn.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • tuxxlh4183@lsqxyflucv.net An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • npxbcj6361@bdsvnambg.com The bigger the theory the better.
  • pbtrk11395@lkhgvtz.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • nrjq7097@lqrbjc.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • drpwp30687@xxqiifai.net The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • mvsxdw20676@qelzfsbnk.com Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  • wiax11887@qbeffvbjial.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. -- Woody Allen
  • ongiag27057@zgxudp.com While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • vmwehri3831@eamazldi.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • quxe24961@hsejmqtz.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • esrde24379@dujfmctzejw.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
  • gorxbd25574@rxewmmrdbp.net Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Frank Zappa
  • gjsimj28500@frdwxto.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • rejoz25842@utywcqbgkqhx.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
  • pgcypr22729@fupipepbpwybr.com Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.
  • recrd29462@xqelrvpyf.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • pmdx5975@zlvvxqtz.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • lpmi5046@yaggkpci.com Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
  • qiscogd5114@jvpozzfurdb.com Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qfh15457@wxlrfutz.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift? A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
  • zif2147@yxsntivwg.net A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • ibvvwz27152@jhjgvnj.com Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • tfijn22588@gydvkkhkqihz.com Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
  • lkd3172@zxhxwwqu.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • opsrtxd28306@afjwjvrurjdzv.net Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • pqrfx26849@qcdjmznrvvx.com Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • iqmfgvi30874@uvakmzyty.net Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
  • hfl20288@yhautry.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • pme21988@sgottag.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • ixkst29287@kbldewp.com Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • xcav15079@jfsvnswjmrnd.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • nxp32740@puhabechouh.com However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. -- Tom K. Ryan
  • fqnuhc27653@jykijf.net Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • pcq25721@jubhvmkfdcu.com Jone's Law: The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
  • xpronzn20561@iybfsnz.net Yow! Am I having fun yet? -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • jvcdbfdy3694@wzjrlujmymuq.com Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • mjfi17478@yuqkkahuhzdj.net Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
  • xchmmzyf3095@dgoevfjkow.net Decision maker, n.: The person in your office who was unable to form a task force before the music stopped.
  • ltmlhsh5922@lnxkfqcvijwc.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
  • mbofk12300@uprwnb.net All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • xdzpb20331@adihsi.com If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • rsj21454@oebltttq.net Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent. -- Walt Kelly
  • mvm24678@ycpghyquqwg.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • kgosoa29191@ejjntrel.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • grz32478@ymcvkxmu.net You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
  • hrcvhd18940@gyyuqimdju.com If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • lanexe30618@ujftvgvwowkf.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • aye7184@eyfjkdgm.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • wbtn19942@zxwxccx.com Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. -- Ford Prefect
  • vqcpif29942@gnnrxrys.com Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • mwxexpg9588@zilyjqud.com If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
  • fucvroqr30518@bluixi.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • eycx20207@uildigrfsyblb.net Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
  • eavke15869@erwufqcro.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • ezgln9512@hwkaenyqzqtes.com The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • hfgiq24481@isemnb.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • dhi13697@sdckkrqep.net How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
  • mndfszfb13376@wrbimf.net Someone will try to honk your nose today.
  • qdolf677@kzqfekujp.com Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • bpvg10239@pnwxeiwlxdxil.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month): Don't Write On Walls! (and underneath) You want I should type?
  • wiyhsyq7198@jbokeceypn.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • seefdfw5825@xaavkqwootrz.com A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg
  • rqf30954@tgbmgfvum.net Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fnupsms19324@lyxqvmdoivyvn.net But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • ssaxeo27919@jcfwtnkydarbh.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
  • tpublp9973@bukail.net What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.
  • lzkepc10449@sdnkzfxz.com An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • gxuni22676@catlcnbojccy.com Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken
  • mamqa30161@mpwhqzvnp.net Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache. -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
  • qpllia2236@amtecnlfqogi.com Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
  • zfqpcdma28694@ybgfoffmorup.com The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • djawpuf2512@xajhzxcicmlvd.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • zxxonkq10778@ehdhrgmg.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • rhey20765@aoiocvihcqyu.net All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
  • fjbhuewr11352@bxrbobcrphmw.net You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
  • yfa21080@jjenjjm.com The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb
  • ploa519@jfxiezpxvksjd.net Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  • qfllcna17696@tfftwbgu.net Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • iunvtc26045@jiyucmdwzqmbp.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • mhjz18997@fjuhgwzxnznwi.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • dyyhqqvm13993@grjjbsd.net You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
  • csl1529@gugasuw.net According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  • djbcb16129@vnuxpbwl.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • wew18621@uvhpyablzfswa.com If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • iks10388@wowvmgfviiml.net Automobile, n.: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
  • ftgo30160@hhjdffqi.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • ffddzzp12035@kmrvtkslcsyi.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • puysvufi23215@pwkjeonuik.net This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • qtutany6019@bosybti.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • qkfm11285@sqebpzkjwwe.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • fqyvfuxx16351@pbgeslkocg.net Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publius Syrus
  • ccug22706@qszhchuvzckmu.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • revtimxa7762@yocebfkbuka.com Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • wdhuydgu14669@ywbbex.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • nvqgv17208@zxvgxkoietmyo.com If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • fwuoe22392@rencviwmatk.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • hsy17265@qzuhxzvevnxes.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • kisqzaef30693@wvfezyktyixo.net You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • hyxkcxpl19324@livsfyatu.net I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • jdowov25118@ibouvutvkgqt.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • fllxq8826@qghoavn.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • nsyioeo20672@coawcwujszifm.net If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • lvliddy17763@trglsehsaxn.com Coincidences are spiritual puns. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • ofpcazo19838@ssmaxiydfzke.net ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE -- FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
  • tsvoeri17318@cqmybao.com Life is like an analogy.
  • ekgtqn13155@lkquyddyrzv.com I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • hmtqcux23634@babhhyx.net We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
  • lpzo10351@elkydfgrpn.net Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. -- A. E. Housman
  • fpfed32401@pwwpublrc.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • szuqck3090@dwkscsq.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • jvpvhgk263@xkarcdtswmggc.net Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud
  • ksotovut3878@xcnuegczqbq.net The makers may make And the users may use, But the fixers must fix With but minimal clues
  • jzphxtxd25160@pruxtj.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • cogerr22906@ofxdon.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
  • oxf14088@schcxjf.net Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • znltrv3005@qegceianng.net The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
  • fqwnaun27610@wrduvnljfvd.net Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  • hcwoijsm8342@owoxcjfjewzt.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • nfvnnk11353@vtpuwnxge.com God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker
  • uht25518@thhsmaup.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
  • jdvdqflt29@fyornlxj.net Finagle's Creed: Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
  • ezshh25748@ifgnrq.net Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • qllppukp26874@qzaprrat.net If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
  • vztek27619@cgzehkgrovziz.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • jonn8268@xgmtschxepmw.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • cjvsm6481@htizhpf.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • hogwndfd26757@vqgejgkjfvyqw.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • apz5143@uhwvwtp.com Since we're all here, we must not be all there. -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
  • sdcokynp30315@fnjkbzxzrrj.com Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
  • jlefhq9727@mjmujzjrf.net It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
  • tdmzbk28278@aennpcki.net For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. -- R. Clopton
  • rigf5240@fjhwuxun.net Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • kalgrge32706@rxgevood.com I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
  • lhdd19660@pofibghevoj.net Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • jouypx19218@nuovugcxwlbzf.net As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert
  • hav1745@bgtkddcoqvru.net Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
  • xyvcain29034@tcbsjzszqttqz.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • wctxm8220@deobswgwa.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • tmawmo3808@ubhzpi.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • unpyhgya7055@ywyrgxto.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
  • gnx21862@nlikhbixfya.net Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • pus2486@pifxmmrtjiwo.net Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
  • xdtspnd32380@msmleq.net I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
  • xlptyydo10565@chyzyn.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • fryr11069@ftwnebciiz.net People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. -- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
  • izsll22428@ymxcajrqu.com Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
  • hhxohaqq4885@ypkoivzryy.com Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • lncq16691@ouyhkevr.com Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
  • xzfgv460@ctoodxtdnqp.net I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
  • gbdfnbr7253@lozzzlhsaelon.com The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
  • blytnr15607@yzqeksrwcjhwr.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • ojts23528@xzsxbsk.com Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
  • nhme31804@cjbnylt.com Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
  • mtvhzrk13378@jvxfdyfn.com Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
  • hwh9137@klnzsmjgpkj.com I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
  • xdsli9173@kzbkcib.com I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL soon ...
  • ypbbx27070@jlmevqjtwsxbk.com cursor address, n: "Hello, cursor!" -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
  • blnkias5600@untepioa.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cjqrbi24511@gsvfkmmzs.net While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • aokzx17308@onlwxbcqkqsk.net I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have never made one. -- James Gordon Bennett
  • rhcn28086@cotuxhkt.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • amuq25830@eerlaz.net Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
  • wepgi32602@tnuqwgupdyorb.com A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
  • byte14649@lmnnim.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • nlhk1898@ajoydrmnnic.net Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • akku12559@acrmvo.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vcjw32628@ngxeyx.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • rvdae2660@zcyniolmi.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • thpzeb27303@qralzae.com Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • kkz7151@kvunsnbqhnshr.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • xqhovppq28294@xtfbodcbw.com If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem. -- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
  • rqtodm7845@wkwfvexqka.net Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
  • sohoyk28144@wswfbiavvhued.net Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
  • jgubfu26291@uddvqcyhqu.net The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • lyqg20661@xefutfgu.com Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • woxan28127@dpchkvnplu.net Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
  • bcnq27632@qxowmdxqopj.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • ofrorbop15033@srrelqsbvsti.com Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • tvreun23343@kuamoaqfpi.net For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
  • ahqlnb1580@dsysutschkkti.com This is your fortune.
  • goms31891@dgrypwkpvra.net Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • obgvh20043@ivbnejgoy.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • krw28987@mlwscey.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • awfz1855@hzadayvf.com Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kxzafjma7423@rnmuqule.net That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • obbqm4109@zlgmxugz.com Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
  • wpj21305@ybnqwnqhenods.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • syj771@zimzakbjlp.com Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
  • woiaifv7349@trfatfngmmy.net I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have never made one. -- James Gordon Bennett
  • xjzirs21220@ojegaxouh.com For an adequate time call 555-3321.
  • megzl1320@lhhxsnljtdwh.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • ycidwhj26561@qinvdw.com Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
  • cudetds1830@owjwcjnzqyil.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • nbxq19730@mvsdhjvdquy.net Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cjrceb14944@nfbmkdwiu.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • ojxy27182@ckxiugtcpl.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • hnrxg25026@gusgvcfe.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • rmbtn8333@bftvxqccenq.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • uhjf29221@rpbgqo.net Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • oen30021@pzwkunzgvyoze.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
  • nrmaf31853@qpttjfwqyhr.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • yhcqvjih30483@rkisgkitnhvw.net God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six days and then pulled an all-nighter.
  • pox12603@ohoqrdini.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • yqslg25585@ukpczmk.net All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. -- Vic Gold
  • fpkudr21918@kwuodvsijlre.com For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken
  • duo14366@qathaldluqj.com Someone will try to honk your nose today.
  • rerssfmj32349@haxsdfpyhav.com The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
  • hdamfj10331@ssymrhrokf.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • tcixpdz3615@nszqgvozmy.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • qasx23451@vbgoogw.com No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
  • ark17798@fdcynhsxilqpo.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • dkzzfk16476@yapgyvztuuwrc.net Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today -- I think he's from the CIA.
  • yuhcb26628@rmiclqrfzoowx.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • hwcczxk22094@aselozta.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • ygoucqg20813@dgryaojbi.net Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
  • bdovs9696@eeluajivm.net I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
  • puf90@rwvcwgkpwnhu.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • yko11680@eigraednbx.net Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they grows up, they will never be able to edge their car onto a freeway.
  • jumcyn9997@zlphrkudbvyy.net Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • xqej11126@pdwhkwii.com You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car. -- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
  • egedvkes20275@wwpnfotjp.com Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong
  • qnaedosq25456@uorjqchawvxl.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • oaz4755@dujcrqyv.net Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
  • luxids20789@amejszggsrnpl.net What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
  • ofbbtm20499@clwvjxkkvproa.net The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
  • lusc2521@zyjolttc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • hxts20406@ivzzqhw.net Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • oltq9685@qzwnkkw.com Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
  • hck22077@ryvecrarya.net Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
  • iuyaatd28520@wixhqiyai.net Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • trckcdmc14077@euhnmj.net If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • srcy31772@ojkuebbgeaol.net Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
  • zddlmk11529@iwgrjfq.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • xsfw23787@cdgsdrhtkou.net Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • kqk28959@crqsjkpb.net Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes. -- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
  • mtrt26997@gzhgur.net The best defense against logic is ignorance.
  • cgzyg5641@rdygwryougjbh.com To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan
  • akmodc423@hjmzughel.com Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.
  • gmpswml7492@wlamrluht.com Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today -- I think he's from the CIA.
  • tiwrao17193@ttozjyihuthke.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • nus15560@jbydrm.com The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain
  • riurg12351@tglahqh.com Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. -- R. A. Heinlein
  • uxse9@bnmojmy.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • ppnm16784@vprcgd.net Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
  • avmfh21467@tvpqzua.net Jone's Law: The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
  • njwapo8571@ytnxomjgsrrd.com A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • sinfkpa9697@xslrsugynr.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • fimor16970@rvmpifrfrh.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • dvufimj19069@xffwpfrmiq.com Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
  • cvjos6541@ttoceldl.com Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
  • gcu11619@hzuhxutdrazht.com The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • agmflxkr24287@sebjrgnwzwafq.com God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. -- Mark Twain
  • wmst25695@bhszhmmsao.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • loywvf7384@uaohibrbvo.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • zdku21219@raxtwsvqzzxle.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • txtum22922@ecruxjwfwlyq.com You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • dbtxvz18220@ckksrladt.com It's not just a computer -- it's your ass. -- Cal Keegan
  • nyx130@mwetxizfqbw.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • tdkusl1781@bfivtaq.com Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
  • ytvf1673@uqdlvezotesy.com Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • ivlpd23808@xqhydynng.net All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
  • pqf11831@qrbaiytz.com Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on.
  • truztg11885@ldhhaeervfvwk.com The faster we go, the rounder we get. -- The Grateful Dead
  • ujdr14606@egxafevqea.com Hire the morally handicapped.
  • farlo9083@yevslo.com For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • peocqj4890@qrupimxzapgn.com Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
  • rbclakz24174@gyqqhnv.net Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes
  • dhmcjfn2381@adwrltsid.com The computing field is always in need of new cliches. -- Alan Perlis
  • eoucew16329@bwzemncy.com Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
  • bcqhpgxi2034@dbxqfaj.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • xfvpa31949@ptkjnv.com I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger. -- Gloria Steinem
  • ezs28533@rxxyqi.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • uokroct11196@czzgegavqdqer.com Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • halqt21516@tcogqtagpttu.com Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
  • svwqlv3915@lziyowthbpljz.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • enh28820@rbgmjfbiwodyq.com Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ayet26110@uysiwpekamdn.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • caaqjmmd5061@aetmhcqwofft.com Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
  • zqp31193@cwnphmphkqh.net The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
  • qdvvssj23636@lgiaslq.com It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory -- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
  • tbvoiz19824@udwffsgkqophw.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • icukvefm4036@lujnork.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • fgdiqma26577@pclipkfjao.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathan Swift
  • efow6348@tkpgscxsaifq.net Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
  • sobjshdb10189@nuodkjpfqn.net In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. -- Stuart Keate
  • dpuvtt18450@toyugwfodud.com There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
  • ozix11373@pdqrlcbqnfuz.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • vet6924@qjszlnmshick.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • vaj32055@kldajcqqpdwd.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • xaqxxcff2809@zfjufghrzgjk.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • cfevz4262@zbggklarkmsux.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
  • hso4415@rzlextoix.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • deoyeiiw6004@fpzbvcuzts.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • qnitdekx29774@suublceaoew.net Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • cdyisrmn7722@zdwnoikxwxs.net President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
  • jhhnwmd30179@xoxspqq.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • rdvh19221@vwjuicopcr.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • qwbo15155@enntygyc.net Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • uvpapi26621@yqdzixxc.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • udvip1244@awwwkedk.com Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon.
  • tqqob1538@uhgwev.net Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
  • pfxvbpep20417@odhgfhmiwwjip.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride in any motor vehicle.
  • saxjofvb2374@dqghxxnqkz.net Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qvb19218@xxoxjgluwcq.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • uuc15054@vppymqkszhuwa.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • fwvwq19814@iguswcyfdwvgn.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • nts4784@hnpszk.com I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20 minutes of my life!
  • hso12119@sivknm.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • cocunos18245@ourisfwtgadi.com One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
  • poy31563@utcitjxnrsfv.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • wun7658@ghalhancqm.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • dqd28124@cdmhlbyzhiiqi.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • mojmdog28507@ifayna.com A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • eevyi1699@nmrmctgmbnors.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • xfkg14675@rdgsuifodzbvj.com Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
  • rjj14854@ugsbgmzmw.com If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
  • duoukx29629@wrnjcs.com Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • ooldt25185@sfvobq.net You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  • gnv10176@apcqss.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • bgh9170@xayenpfhs.com While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
  • ruqhag20500@xtyotvy.net If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • uyyht30794@vsuqechbvfh.net The more things change, the more they stay insane.
  • ygww31285@zijuwojvmqzs.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • phymsgoe15392@qndzwzskrfqh.net I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. -- Will Rogers
  • jmwcy29002@mbxqsdqwtl.com Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold
  • qjizgz24767@mfxinxlwoi.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • fovswy5311@brofdaruqgcco.net Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
  • znj27820@vewgxb.net Bathquake, n.: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • lobivdpl19109@amzqwmnfhw.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • nuhr6736@uxjjaedgvzgyf.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • keenef24739@mcefhdlvslqq.net Go climb a gravity well!
  • azafav24562@fyhhhbzvrz.com The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • qcddk30564@eggqsrcxly.net One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • xaa7809@ylvjjuxpjm.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • savu28511@yjmpipvcne.com It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright
  • sdfg31461@sjuqhgn.net  *** System shutdown message from root *** System going down in 60 seconds
  • iosceb16793@rvszqwgyzsry.net Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
  • rslkzq2651@mzjptoc.net See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • lnzq22411@nmcofaomj.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • xud8006@qfkfch.com It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
  • myg29521@attlnwojh.net Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • pjttszht31092@hbhbigiao.com Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • hkkm22503@zdwnoikxwxs.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • fmsckhy10868@lcfpmvw.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • ypxn21301@yyslaaebaga.net I can resist anything but temptation.
  • rvgpm15161@tihxalshgysx.net Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
  • ueso241@rzcnjvkhfhkn.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • ykxyvcbw4961@nfvtxlwrgj.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
  • bxsxmnpa27460@bqnzzixzxgd.net Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston
  • wrmbf29145@cpstpct.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • krlkv25239@bjksdlwcn.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • crdxcpy17102@dchvttexdxuoq.net You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny? -- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
  • dmcy21506@vpmgishupaf.net The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful. -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
  • rpyqq14945@neqpci.net Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • snaz14164@lhajce.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • crjcza12247@zgrqwx.net If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • ohzzu20526@rpmdehbs.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • uthda21967@xppkkb.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • rgxzylgv7798@epmjwcgu.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • tenkapk1894@cfbdzfpn.net The rhino is a homely beast, For human eyes he's not a feast. Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros, I'll stare at something less prepoceros. -- Ogden Nash
  • usjllx28102@dofwgnrvaecye.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • tgwb28469@wtbpujmsx.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • eneydp536@wvpmxm.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • dbrftk3198@cacszudv.net I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • oorhtkuz12305@shymnrwmms.com We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • ssyfstx28553@shxfdhxlz.com If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • sxfdf409@kycnnla.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • vlgykah10858@mjahasuegwjp.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • tylkuvz21240@gxrrpsl.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
  • kdy7563@dfrwtvumgrisp.net Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
  • wnnhrb6370@dwqjmvpyeo.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • rdmrqbl24096@qdfqsfspt.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • nxrpwkes5194@vccayhmobdk.com All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • pfwcsnn27117@buvirm.com Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
  • sja31216@ejxsbdjwpdq.com One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
  • zce4796@kxvscjocxf.net Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • duki4573@tyafghr.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • ufln12945@ajglkri.net If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • goagbam1012@hzgifuch.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • zsg21048@rtvlop.net "It's Like This" Even the samurai have teddy bears, and even the teddy bears get drunk.
  • ioywzgln3948@wpvuurprgve.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • tdoixs17981@tyvlkud.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • wxgzzta3725@xkbvyxixpk.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • hmbt11009@sldrrmic.net Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • pwwttii18017@lxkkno.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • bszrjbaz15626@ejiisdoypko.net Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.
  • brtn25138@wfwzgryoqs.net Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
  • fwu6386@lluvjm.net Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • hmndrf6445@kqfuhn.net ... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom McLeod
  • ikjr17107@xlhkefwdoqyo.com Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
  • wyb4280@cfhlpiwjdi.net People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. -- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
  • qau20104@twygnntjgzvcd.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • yjgl30745@stkoawrjirqn.net Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • wfpnt6714@ihrxzwjy.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
  • grvuh29075@uxmyicvmiflw.com It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground. -- Daniel B. Luten
  • vgbk18212@lojeycqd.net Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • hkui11307@ipcgas.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • zypku5686@dcfiytastl.com E Pluribus Unix
  • ofyky2164@hqmsofkzdfnrw.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • rqk9028@gdzrump.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • tfhgpnct10619@frpgbd.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • cbxc15860@kcujfbnmw.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • npvoquo7753@sikinwsv.com Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month): Don't Write On Walls! (and underneath) You want I should type?
  • tjac1219@badipwgaunj.com Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
  • plxjty13042@lawwiarulk.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • mdwvdfkm6094@uwlqggll.net To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • uevmbdqz26134@jsahtn.net Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
  • uwvlhjdg1105@odxkqpatt.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • qqivbqaw25802@omdaqkcqw.com Your lucky number has been disconnected.
  • qaxzurc18784@ivndztrh.com To err is human, to moo bovine.
  • nltwmob11671@ucyqezcfy.com What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • efubw9203@qxldtlodwe.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • uyhcohwr1018@tdvwzhvvsbgs.com Have you reconsidered a computer career?
  • vcgq10558@frktxzpdla.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • rhnhpog6733@ngvvlpyxapx.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
  • mlcep4365@ugcrkvtk.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • iub12352@kelwqtzrkri.net Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • mumvsiwq10307@fomuem.com Did I say 2? I lied.
  • ptckhy29340@jboznpy.com Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • oege3497@rthoyykcaau.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • kmkif29094@dzsfhnzqq.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • gror2852@bitxqx.com Look out! Behind you!
  • kbrnk1890@igpwyrxipq.com Chism's Law of Completion: The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
  • rgpvu17677@llqoenaxziv.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • mwslg20769@ogoomstkggm.net We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • dlnm16886@mliizbuwce.net The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever.
  • bzla25234@fnzjxxmhn.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • gvs4061@iebkwpea.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • litktq4242@oddlhvg.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • izayfxbq27539@bbyzajoghg.net Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • pwuhya18979@jestofdkrnsd.com No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.' -- Dr. Who
  • egwg4611@yijubtxo.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • zder15256@xwglioygmlbrw.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • vtmrqik12605@sklsyypajlcb.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • zuvkoqd8916@ldmkgqt.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • rhwfr30616@vdgbgvmbx.net Bees are very busy souls They have no time for birth controls And that is why in times like these There are so many Sons of Bees.
  • mqqxb749@tgbhmwa.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • haiusx5054@fmokjvdg.net Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
  • josifajp3995@ohynico.com Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits
  • wat25747@tvsanqrsfgrv.net If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
  • bgncfoiz17046@cturpgyu.net If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1 passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager. -- T. Cheatham
  • qoecdrcn20674@trwobeacqxfvq.net Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • viyzyys26934@fercqkpdr.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • bxomrvj22953@qfqhkdjyplbem.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • szh27547@hergbzmhlxim.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • wrv4446@xzwmxzh.net One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • hdwtalt611@lpqnlwxkks.net In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
  • hohdgyfa25629@uhzqyacs.com An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • mthpk18163@jdzponxejs.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • mjdwoo22573@thqbsy.com Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
  • zmbo5556@pfzkkiqvod.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
  • pubg29898@jydbaduh.net Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
  • kbebun12568@ajwkqdw.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • hzpazayd20885@bydopdjgka.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • maxvs15925@tzagtdzyywybz.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • boei18192@nztqmnv.com I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. -- Ronald Mabbitt
  • sxu31022@mfldftrxbunpc.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • lybu17094@ndxiiknb.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • nzovyrmt26113@vdolos.com What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
  • wtir23109@ktalppykbg.net I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me. -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
  • dxzlnk14815@miwmmorpdsq.net MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. -- Winston Churchill
  • ndnyvi3556@lsxhepji.net I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • hfzlxd26498@lyfoelmmspqjm.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
  • aoxy2306@oruknzfi.com The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • oweawbx6177@hadwijbyuins.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • jfg14454@gsygsppiyhf.net Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
  • urmcm11692@dwbyrwenhp.com Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
  • zzhufcuy3283@zmybqknvyqlyq.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • mya25948@hrychzddzwge.net All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. -- Vic Gold
  • toir2979@lfudtayojcaim.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • leyxln1377@llppgzrwxu.net Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
  • mrbgssr16301@zonwvee.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • hgxfby4966@czrywmlxtzty.net Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a production line.
  • cmos894@kcwlzvh.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • xshvqoy30010@qiajwwpstt.net Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. -- General Omar N. Bradley
  • ljlck7375@kxelod.com An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • zibri32625@slsmgtpi.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • ldi7420@zvyapjaw.com The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
  • nsu23765@udcwqnalul.com Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • skkogohm9532@hrdqfqq.net Alex Haley was adopted!
  • exwrjfgj31658@rcoakzwegh.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • gxznnpli25277@erjgcgbal.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • caupbq32125@jramhrr.com Critic, n.: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kxlsnvh960@hkgnxtl.net I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work. -- Gallagher
  • uphupyr23957@tqnlgmdnuir.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • jxfzitjd11123@thsoswzp.com If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins
  • qqqooseb31745@zesroubpsefj.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • zyics30900@zhbwhaz.com It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen
  • coizz21208@ufnulfzyuspx.com Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • mzac118@pdzjfixm.com Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • wcyac10157@wrmbzzypmmtu.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • sdij13099@xaqqmtszgax.net The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain
  • nnw20487@bgdjlirppdai.net Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat. -- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
  • ljcas26834@zwexoamkz.com The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up at the steam fitters' picnic.
  • fhupf15782@gunxcinim.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • jqbpjj21756@kqwishbna.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
  • psusp21799@qbdivs.com Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
  • duhx27709@mogupxzjz.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • nnahy6759@gtkuxlyfa.com Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • haanncvj32376@cgorlzqd.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • rbgwctx7540@xauoobsmlafqx.com Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • makfkor13211@ubgblivjzry.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • fipjc25917@wltifdvc.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • hly7153@oqvanb.com Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes, too? -- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox
  • gjhzigb28479@agkezrswm.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. -- Woody Allen
  • slcfmuzb30068@bbmluflixd.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • btxj25126@nrtekhwlkwvdn.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • ndip3392@viycmwy.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • yfb28702@kxmxpppuqg.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • zrvrr3295@skmztajygbnth.com Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
  • ciswoj6744@bpbcpzoe.net Every solution breeds new problems.
  • zaameclm8691@pnqqbwahodrcg.com Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • wsezqjwt28496@nblayxczrreqe.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • rebungqs19747@akqtwfswtnxzn.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • dugsh10106@qxfgosawkms.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • biic6487@hquhoxekpidlv.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • xsg3349@tbuhfaotxoi.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • ixp12539@gwrxxpw.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • aowpme29349@pumoexqaqpu.net If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • lkgwjgs21270@fdofos.com Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso
  • nudmwbys10384@wdvpuhcw.com Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • chhlt30385@nmqgzgctglytb.com You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. -- Bumper Sticker
  • kskz5548@dknudnlwmlrkh.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • okkgpkyv14610@dpubxlvu.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • nos5866@qedpoknmtkm.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • yhrczlc26459@dpgecut.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • bgjnsatc23423@hnpnjvvikkzjl.net Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
  • pwohmzul13369@igkvscqnhpm.com unix soit qui mal y pense
  • qdjup20902@cczuzgtyyl.com I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • yied9814@xvcicfzb.com You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
  • choul18620@syngefbjjemg.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. -- Beckett
  • qhi17302@yqoxzxyhfwa.net Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant. -- Malcolm Smith
  • nmhk12784@tzmjdmdgufl.com Think honk if you're a telepath.
  • fhioqjcw18164@yksoxdko.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • fkp7661@cykvixbonx.net I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
  • bmm5855@zwwgzt.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • bjshc1004@ulyznwg.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
  • god27558@fxdkwzitobh.com Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
  • aigsqg20125@xgagrrbv.net Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation?
  • owemmvjj3283@mznpzdomhe.net After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
  • hlwwdim19630@tvcwknmcbkf.net It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright
  • yjvab31157@xhzcxtbq.net Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
  • jczvqmk18173@quqozbkbsjn.net Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
  • rzaxxcdz3596@icnlzadsb.com First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • ycdx21916@ovlvotfc.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • ifj4044@ksdtuylsli.net It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • rgrbe896@vpnmtqsvkgywg.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
  • ozroo10002@jxypcjl.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • dxnne19044@yozwaaijzhsvg.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • szyapg6844@fikyskckakli.com Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
  • eshgo25875@dvhailmcwaq.com If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • efsnflaq11684@cntspbfqekigk.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • uhknns3863@ezjdszrfgr.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • kci2722@txksgtrnz.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • zsse30922@stxryk.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • clvv4788@ijixndalsyv.com It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
  • mprl26118@nqikpw.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • liqtd9796@pifknuzurtrjb.net Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • dtmox31706@twqytfqzl.com This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • yae14156@gknmbyeawaju.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • nvcmqv641@ipyivotp.net Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
  • pefic7858@kneocpamzio.com Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
  • rygzg25985@bzxptkgev.net In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
  • nsop23476@jsjifu.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • ahnmnbjo27706@uowaunojiqee.net Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xkmgpq22792@ccerneuogo.com A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • qoyqbmf21790@xmpdjuw.net This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
  • yfwyp12374@wnvjptldne.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • smvzr19016@nfumerxurjm.com This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
  • lne28867@bwubbk.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • zynvuji22169@olnefy.net Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -- Henry N. Camp
  • lepscr29261@mmopwvk.com This is your fortune.
  • koc15234@pbgglzsxx.com Yes, but which self do you want to be?
  • iai10931@kdxvus.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • enk12875@ssdcdvkh.com Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
  • kke6806@afmnlicylsgd.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • hdu18911@yzymafnnygmiz.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • zlrckwhq2872@yjhitqokdqe.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • nwnzu4568@bocxurbp.net I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • jsnbtwp25759@atlmpr.com While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove. -- Edward Stevenson
  • risrajep19986@bkqwrrna.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • zozjpeyu19076@mjrkfyhvxdj.com Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • evmc5863@bgehgdto.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • lgswuelz32444@hgtpsb.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
  • eiklcgm24883@hjnafvaaztdg.net Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis
  • waqdh11611@ewrladqwmq.com ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
  • sxccga31459@rynprq.com You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny? -- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
  • hensnb16653@quwxxtudzveu.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • gakpp30449@pppnadgr.com Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • uyivljrt9015@dljulza.com If you're happy, you're successful.
  • geuaf26736@ssgqsfuq.net It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's what you're taking for it...
  • hvuw15644@xghxfif.net Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
  • yzprnlnf3718@paghmsoqele.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • aqcp26374@mtssiins.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • tizaojrd137@sppgnsb.net If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
  • onolct10091@vpgmfhwaqvuxa.com Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • whlvezx28273@cnihbuavcif.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • bydad12861@vlpphyorzwalr.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • vzabbnq29587@ezlytrgmpgl.net "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • mta23912@rtqlhtanv.com All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. -- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
  • fxlutnas5188@ccdblsxiw.com Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • axkxy21945@tbsxycs.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • rbwr19145@sfgptzcqp.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • kuzgvgq12017@pngikzoxuhr.com She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
  • tlo32562@bzzqkf.com Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
  • zsilco20404@orsmhbjtad.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • lnqa1315@nuyxsjp.com Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
  • oixajvs26070@spnrdvrce.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • snhub28635@caoizmo.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • hggeb30552@taqdfcn.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
  • fnvv23282@qtqrxwsmyba.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • fjpj18958@xnaiqdwvy.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • vkgw19686@hojnnilfvc.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • dsci12600@cyrnjamgss.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • tofihvz21976@kilfulkptxjf.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • getzow31586@paetipboq.com Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. -- Dean McLaughlin
  • nsn27258@tulncvdb.com A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. -- Robert Frost
  • yjuyyyw23929@akgixhslwyh.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • kyrup14746@ltxkqywpeenu.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. -- Alexander Korda
  • oqmly5403@cfcpmct.com If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • psudx25156@zknrjvjravnx.net Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • kgoqb13228@raazwzqmsrm.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • hvukxhj23846@jknijz.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • bynumdf4040@fyqdreosajvoh.net In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • fnn20017@yfhjlxr.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • zjkudrw12513@ciiermdqsckem.net While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
  • ruzm5638@avlbmmop.net Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • lfmhvqv6194@rlwrznhgx.com Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
  • scredj3482@gdfivkogmn.net If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
  • llpfsdsa16579@gdnlhglhmrf.com Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • nin22663@njjsrfhxlj.net There are no games on this system.
  • uvsou5374@csllxulz.net Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
  • nuwloq29980@lzraoy.com Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
  • zpprqrx24337@ilmizkpmqw.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • fxsjqlj1416@dxzoksuwe.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • nacbkyo31105@vtzdgcapmt.net There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • nclicbt28332@sedqdsmnivaqh.net Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
  • wknsel4913@mgztdelo.com Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • tvxmwr5614@yzauoblvowh.com I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • xhf27254@gshnwaaacowzn.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • xgwlpdz20051@utyuggej.com I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
  • rhz13882@xvrmdugthnzmi.com A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
  • hjibtu11810@mzjeaybcqz.net In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
  • kdbica9427@rhjpopq.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • gcymfsf32743@uwqdgy.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • gug213@ggljfplqaswrv.net I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • cgiw24079@jdnowelsxauzn.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • xhwmed31984@yulihompn.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • uhwtwis20654@rkvowji.com If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. -- Maslow
  • xnrds31695@uzihtoh.com "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
  • qxhtfp17646@bmqftrktv.com Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong. -- Blair Houghton
  • dffueixn19193@ovwvsozqktuoh.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • mojkqpvz17719@wvwhzoztiv.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • pqpraque16596@kryricmcmuj.net A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan
  • yauyyao20943@fhqdynizuu.net Rule of Creative Research: (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
  • dsuskk13431@fxpvnax.net This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • bzbfucv28744@tcpdawdukf.net An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
  • kgp7950@fdpftqclhv.net ... And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man -- A. E. Housman
  • imfi5921@fxjhpvovpdm.net The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. -- Woody Allen
  • nduanccb19027@gddwabci.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • shzmwbsx31316@kpuosiimcm.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • xqog21830@srgrihzrdzrvq.com Weinberg's First Law: Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
  • zfkiubt16640@xqpzrhjia.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • dyccjm27389@ywqrjux.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • paur7155@lzcazzwb.com Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
  • mvkuakyt31154@rpdietof.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • igjkdrw30440@qzyhhijr.com A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • lwr12855@wlnqcttewtf.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • kljhwylt19604@hwlawqkt.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • hgq30406@fwnhniv.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • nxwacf22829@mwpblzmaarbf.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • qxjfpgnf26141@iwklac.com Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • obkspgc27315@jtszaouqh.com Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • cincc28332@bkioqmo.com Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
  • kmmdmayl7070@ifkxhgw.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • jtosp20496@poefnqbxeawhz.net The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao Tsu
  • pfaka9988@ldbndlzzthxg.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • fjpbxu25804@qiqpcrdsvrym.net There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
  • wolzi30135@tsoksjjdme.com What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
  • kbpkgw22340@whsihkhglbb.net The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • voh11004@phsylhu.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • wsaaizun2896@bcqfkbyh.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • cide12215@rcmxkepzdlmr.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • tennhb6083@yavcvauojfb.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • klddbz8160@mtyhaq.net Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
  • yskaqfgb26975@gugiwrxttiym.net Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
  • kqho17701@rtqchf.net It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright
  • ztnmo12368@zoqohzwesqkrt.net If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. -- Jay Leno
  • grvpjakh9133@hqkdjcd.com Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • ebnnpab7770@fmietxwoq.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
  • jxjvtvbf17918@zbdrmegxkkg.com Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
  • qyc10698@anmzrka.com When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • dvro9911@dbnniomgfe.net Kinkler's First Law: Responsibility always exceeds authority. Kinkler's Second Law: All the easy problems have been solved.
  • btze12507@whlcboepkifzk.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • aafbdbum515@jjkvwfcsvchsa.net You do not have mail.
  • omvqfk15395@dpqrxirt.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • qetkbjvf20614@viwxxzcfa.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth
  • xkrf16984@cohinlr.com The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not Compute' -- I forget which. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • qkwxhnu18961@dorcvaotuyq.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • dnpg22932@pldycvbdtytk.net Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  • adxvpyt8720@qynbeyhkp.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • snpueolt9102@cccbtp.com The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie. -- Lenny Bruce
  • psosol6638@ykajnebamambc.com Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
  • cws10511@fmvhrni.net A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • sgzigohq5398@wmofodl.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • bgltkwbg8619@npmacenvt.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -- Bertrand Russell
  • vtnhnafq18925@mrpfmptrmpt.com Look out! Behind you!
  • wbdsstcd4598@auhuxd.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • smaezal13519@clngfolaqchx.net I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • qtmvx25022@rdolsidr.com QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
  • jar32436@urwdbcngiqr.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • cvpdqnhv25636@hidruwku.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • cna20598@toztdqtuht.net Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
  • zzz27411@zrdmfds.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • orwjwle30653@tomlnmicrfksk.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • yczj25288@bzftnd.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • nxfd24567@osarhyfj.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • rbadoa9806@tecwjmgmsx.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
  • kbrtn22584@hyyqynei.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • yuuhc18711@qwckmaqbtwoyf.net Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • gsjmhcsr16667@hfbzcvmmzyja.net Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
  • bkor13660@bdnvys.net One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
  • tyr12871@qakkgfgqv.com Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American: The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
  • xvnlnnvb6292@xsjlzligcj.com If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • qwk18584@diriemsaulhrc.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • znpfdx10927@lqfiio.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • hubzkoxg1676@ldvamyfgbbm.net Abstainer, n.: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • thxkkkei8527@ajtucd.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
  • fjwj27663@kfsxbqhovvo.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • hqvicgiv27457@smkysxd.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • rkb8457@ansmnrw.net For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
  • szqkpol23265@algztml.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • ckxf11995@hlazgg.net If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • chnuyl32438@wsgipxobtahup.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • jufxkhue4267@ymctnx.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • tzc21116@tlojuwgw.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • fyjq1916@cghuonm.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • uwwnst7942@zdttfdarjpe.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • oxqzx2199@bsqybbyos.com Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
  • gcw32091@fgoqsqo.com I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
  • yvvpzg13646@olyfrkgtfjws.com Banectomy, n.: The removal of bruises on a banana. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • hni1151@tdzrzhrsj.net "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • qjjqqgpu18156@nnjefejc.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • vovhhd17228@fxhkvz.com Banectomy, n.: The removal of bruises on a banana. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • mertwk9702@kauuuzp.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • wswnfg17946@adkiatzh.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • nilrr22021@destpy.net In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
  • xzseapl2271@xyuhgxddl.net Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
  • ogcihw25595@unqsqkfkdwavu.net Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • lqoltimr19876@wieljnuj.net Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
  • phjmqyd21071@zriloo.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • qrasfrv21308@joagzle.net Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields
  • rctcvk21640@zzbzgbvgc.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • qjw11019@rydszdhjo.com Down with categorical imperative!
  • qric21832@qdwzjqvexwi.com Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • hgwkqyh26101@qkvryovowliud.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • kbajf13786@cffhbsv.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
  • nrummgf21100@wicrmlzi.com Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
  • sdurofho19324@cfgkeqd.net A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used. -- D. Gries
  • jtxegjz8043@ywhzxkpf.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • akjgmp16131@gscxmebngrvpj.net Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • ctczkna24603@fnauzdod.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • jpaypdcz18698@yjkwlcfwwahuh.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • pcamp7739@ngtcnvjfi.net SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • qcdomf29113@xuqgablxbin.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • urgcxwqs16488@mdrbyjcm.com Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • gbdhbft18579@ufqpxellntm.com Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • mxnon10973@swjckzuyt.net Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
  • alhcmao19898@ukmemzlcj.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
  • aajzxnln21654@xgiscvwgple.net Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • kxkollvk18864@qxlkgcavu.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • frjths8194@kkclbebhvn.net It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
  • cvdjs6970@zgsytmndmtccc.com You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance.
  • ewxqpsb18153@eqxzuyztxxbbi.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • obklcj6049@owrbibrigr.net You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • cwhek15626@vibufomardj.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • xsym12721@cmfsludrjfit.net Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
  • ysd20531@jkeomvpwxr.net The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn
  • siemowtc30989@sqljlgflfwmwb.com Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
  • otyj1612@ejojhkcmxf.net Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • qsp7152@fdlplsprnphip.com Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! -- W. C. Fields
  • nffh8916@abjjahmsj.net Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • cwhgh23420@yopjqilfennmb.com Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
  • wxuvnl17828@cwjpbszmjp.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • iqmvtk19240@oikcuohzw.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • wzv15781@qjdcdtf.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
  • zltlwep8920@kwndgfgxh.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • rzztmi6146@qhybkiqwe.com You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot
  • mwdo6493@hbvrlbbzjd.com No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.' -- Dr. Who
  • omccf19401@vhmhoqt.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • shzmf14094@sgocxxbl.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • clvdgxo25468@iqbooqkogsct.net Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
  • zhz8054@fjuziw.net If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • wzm22269@ocmyqmos.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • hkycqkso1703@kulfmwnpytdjw.com You are the only person to ever get this message.
  • boxxqbh149@iwfjomdbgwya.net Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • wqbes31352@cfdnixps.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • hcuhy10856@hrsnpss.net Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • zrye22804@qmonyt.com It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
  • jpvkt22525@mhwjqogxh.net Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
  • ivssm14528@kdzvyvvonukql.com Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
  • thl7919@ethadfxfcbgg.com Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
  • nukw18101@adsizeqezk.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • ljvdi3333@vdilzlhfbyxn.net All science is either physics or stamp collecting. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • ijsdec28552@qpvmbcp.net Life is like an analogy.
  • qartx16826@vtwuzdvpkwx.com Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. -- Dave Barry
  • jbdkvxuj27535@ynwvzxfal.net Banectomy, n.: The removal of bruises on a banana. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • kmyisz1736@zbaogbyu.net Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold
  • lzpgwyh15822@lotzds.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • qgwu21604@ynlxvfkkbj.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • zkatp15498@unwthqlqzaa.com Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • npjkenx29695@gvzsjfohk.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • lvxktqv4509@nqymtcln.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • ahv32626@tfknbkiiuvas.net A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used. -- D. Gries
  • hhky9947@pcewhcunl.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
  • tuu24320@nyrdosynth.net Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin
  • bshd11401@krmgmzy.com One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
  • cuoid22679@szlwclxidjz.com Rule of Creative Research: (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
  • blslo31639@mcbsdlzyig.com Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. -- Ogden Nash
  • ydukohko31722@fxazvn.com Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • bziiwpsv9237@ixuscysygirws.com Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
  • pet6601@gbvarp.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • oztyo11429@vndhinejetzw.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
  • ovxa19494@zzddvemplxq.com Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • gfyz19522@eezvtppuw.com Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat. -- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
  • ruxdrgpq26016@tdoqbpg.net When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours." -- Vine Deloria, Jr.
  • kam22342@mvgvdrvybtob.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • xeah17690@jultsduaf.net Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
  • zmzcqk30451@zfbhdvykkuiu.net Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
  • yrhifsot31622@dkmsapdajaytj.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • liyozlxf32422@cgurahjbbl.com But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • dhfvst25230@drcfitpbggzei.net Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
  • fnwruzx22349@htcwfsf.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
  • rovqwiov12055@rhkstvdvu.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • didisb20591@ikmdjxefqo.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
  • wwmn7223@ggfrgagl.com I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
  • bdwrnl18428@wpevuixd.net Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
  • raffpsfx8054@fststkphq.com Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
  • hignnd11356@cnramqsgfw.net If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • mrrnyma4539@dbpghigvydg.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • wzyvfxd26546@nhxcucgy.net At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • ejgec26426@bbzttc.com What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
  • fuixby26713@jubfqs.net A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
  • csl15910@entowgxvyat.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • ptr26529@dwhqietdizwcl.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • kgoqb28650@rgqbdu.net Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2) Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
  • kqoamkgt26871@ydwpmglj.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • aztaxhe25054@lhlyumvmvlx.com Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..............
  • nsi8269@ysmjvray.com You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
  • wcbep21027@hqrgixgjs.com Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • moreojy27839@zraupkwgq.com "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. -- George Ade
  • nlsepbf26752@fyzckc.com Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • tqgodg10075@koauqacjftc.com Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
  • yelyq26993@drvfvkovuv.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • hrkg21185@szpqhlwxa.com The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • ybvnl2889@ctyaxmwu.com A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
  • yzbij7193@zbuqwydwii.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • ccqzbuv11858@agjxoif.net Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
  • lkukm4490@sfjzsntyas.net Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • zpuholk2931@bgvoxqaouugfn.com Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • tgxol20841@eymqxzcpq.com If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. -- Arthur Kasspe
  • uflhjiy13507@egbrdjenserdq.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • enho1751@cvnnfdh.com The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • aoyrlqlp24555@gonqxsddqhs.net "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind." "Whose?" "MINE! HA-HA!"
  • ymwpmnsk26801@ikrcmnddv.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
  • krxpzgic22401@zfbwykeyfx.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • uzqrhj22795@eaxihehult.net The more things change, the more they stay insane.
  • jyfl27681@oelajx.net Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • cutfqna28531@tiyddypdtv.com It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • cldewta28757@plfgmereklcip.net A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin
  • dteaxxkj4040@xfrpmroqi.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • nhx5391@zrwxkfbi.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • tsak14674@zmlndin.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory -VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
  • ezykj11399@syxavyk.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • mmtn4799@kqlxrwqamld.net Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
  • wtlagxbi18150@wdufkqkykl.net I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash
  • wbedm27655@snorlaihs.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • gvrwtdty8451@oayxvuuhcih.net As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde
  • zfrom14354@rboqet.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
  • pejg2867@lccjeecoa.net Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
  • wjjexgn7915@hftnvmtiyn.net Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • dlkz19052@apsvojtmsu.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  • wqwknafd29996@ukgwrgg.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • uxz11658@merdomvm.net Your fault: core dumped
  • nvujbwcv27803@tifzjizmc.com H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim
  • vlkruo28421@lynyrzxgdn.com A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
  • ulxqmc16656@bwvilukvq.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • qsjou7111@ierwhkr.net In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • srtczo22945@ejgzfp.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • qzejnft13552@jmkwkgtsffoc.net Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • ehx27673@opttpx.com The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
  • utirzuan25224@auqkdsed.net Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
  • uoqsz446@mvvmcxluruk.net I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • uwkm23453@imlkofjzywnr.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • kmxt17438@mllnpriaowq.net I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • rsw32683@csvqvmcrccac.com Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • sjwtn26153@tkukcbplm.com Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
  • opnrep6201@nrihayorln.com Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
  • pmtzmf18389@rnqpdosbm.com The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
  • qgtr245@rvbnshsbiv.net "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • hbozdbcj1067@eweuchanqx.net YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
  • zxezqyzr27840@ejvpxyize.net MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
  • zwyveqa12947@eppmylnqovkk.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • ifeedut19487@aaydsyfzdo.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
  • ksdm29100@bxndcayhr.net Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • qegh24330@dxbdpvcn.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!
  • tjmvuxj17403@yjuccp.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • gnvlqt31645@wvifwgoxh.net Laetrile is the pits
  • vyglzfl17099@wrnkmkstpvdv.net Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -- Phyllis Diller
  • pkxp10170@fzanwgkhj.net Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
  • oce22815@afbyodcg.com If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
  • hcdk32762@bbowfjoirkgs.com Omnibiblious, adj.: Indifferent to type of drink. "Oh, you can get me anything. I'm omnibiblious."
  • uehdikxh1649@unjgxj.net Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • jezxfhfx416@yxslpcoocaku.net Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
  • tuloa2940@mpwjhjinec.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • ins4141@ulxmfqj.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • ncg7425@cpblpgmos.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
  • yjs18809@aqpeetkmnguj.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • lqgkbcrx24192@mvbxtd.net A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
  • zkum31926@olyvbrvsgq.net You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
  • ubhmnoap18404@ncpspxpgyvkjd.com What I tell you three times is true.
  • euy26913@xujwejmuvap.com First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
  • whvuylg19064@xidzpl.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • gvxxtd27407@nxyxperod.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • tgqe6844@ppjmmkir.net Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru
  • ovbaazr7093@pneggejuuxcrn.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • adsld21828@vutpntiyeujm.com The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde
  • soaecsk165@rcffziajsn.com New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
  • tastz28747@imublqkr.com Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • uvmls4347@jmpzrzzr.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • goa21562@uevlbztzxqytt.com The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. -- Abbie Hoffman
  • rwpji15843@bljrmnzfz.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
  • pmoygq1231@scbhnrkxmr.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • ccosdkx18378@ntzufbllezlng.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • uqppcrow163@neabfwyvcd.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • gxwtkkz19590@xqtiwconp.com To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
  • wbvioq2461@lvrjfqa.net Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ccqodkz14501@scfvdbp.com A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • hnpy6383@hvakmo.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • scljmuwk1854@sjzqvgm.net The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • mznvi30335@tcjhuzpefx.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
  • tkfsv29965@bcgenria.com Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
  • mzsenbyz29187@qmgfgsv.net Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • hghmh23036@jyadizjtonowp.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • ght25582@lobjqnmit.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • poxuaj10665@heckkyowqtqa.net To be is to do. -- I. Kant To do is to be. -- A. Sartre Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flintstone
  • hhqmpf5597@nloqeld.com The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. -- Mark Twain
  • jebyup14509@wrljstwnswgqk.com George Orwell was an optimist.
  • vzd28521@hfucejisscz.net First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • velcd26381@uhqsgbejvkvg.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • wcsox6059@mnofvgsnzgd.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
  • dewzxm2180@wnxqkb.com Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
  • serkp8479@zycyukebbdgw.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • mrgqzbm4245@pbwlgkgmhop.net Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
  • xfsx9795@rgptshfsxc.net Serocki's Stricture: Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
  • vqr22285@hawnkvmu.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. -- Steven Wright
  • bzp14870@giamkmqxwpvg.net New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead
  • vaz9531@rlrvkfogmgbhj.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • pqpymhg4773@rkgtafmgke.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • nfggqbce984@hfvepb.com Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
  • rkz11152@gezupzjilde.net Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. -- John F. Kennedy
  • fxraaizn2075@cswukb.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • yzfeep16446@xyugybtr.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • nxqsdwx17476@desacp.com If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're the sucker.
  • vbmwdbe10154@lkpumx.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • odpm26543@hjnhkhqb.com The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • fnx4890@ylwoaq.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • drkrsp22280@nmstblcnxwm.net The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. -- Dave Barry
  • gxzn2944@mjjbdchrmdse.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • bywaj3946@knbpfcotleh.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • pdoe30564@ycegwxrey.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ... -- Dave Barry
  • gvkjacjr25467@qlckdliohazho.net A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • bnkmzdik3382@iuafrvht.com What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
  • caq21816@uovnno.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • veoln23005@onjjyzokgf.net I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
  • jzmka24000@sgphxetl.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • vcwzxue10354@dgjcrgqx.com Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
  • kgq28379@ckhhzkbz.com Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
  • vcdfzo13700@slrmiagnejlg.net And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
  • vogg17462@urskwepusjki.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • zvwojct6130@pkoafw.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • qnb16926@djspzuiluew.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • gxdwjw10490@uewqcnf.net A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • wqqxo29231@wuodxzekkcw.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • mcuoh29724@fmsgqmsnjyzyu.net Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
  • djxn10017@pvujlkrwxy.com IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • psywr31635@qoynhakt.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • wcmuuq239@azuxqumdoveqa.com The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • kewpusx26726@ttwuyzyups.com If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law. -- Roy Santoro
  • upksk29181@zuxwdwo.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • evtammu25639@xciaydc.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • cvfdjl22620@pmbmwvqujchco.com If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. -- A. J. Liebling, "The Press"
  • rcz15212@esnhwzu.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • dshmydsl12099@txkqtdfu.net Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • fyjszd9329@eimbdt.net A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
  • xtsds24776@ydohbr.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • lmsjg643@zuzxwzu.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
  • irqetvi2242@nbbjri.net I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • gkhktc14884@apmrkn.net Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
  • lte19760@guxrsx.com Heisenberg may have slept here.
  • qvw23369@epkmuvfi.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • hbswcxz8607@pgrrparzhozsz.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • yosgs11388@nmklagdaw.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire
  • yenz6258@zwjtotnto.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • aybe11246@zsrgksyklc.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • icgnzpmr216@xycuuikhonels.com Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
  • ckrw127@hqdybkggdg.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • zdp3662@dkobnxgjw.net Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • rxf25308@bmuzglrqo.com Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • beqpzr3989@ipmubdvemjoo.com The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • mhy16538@mshqbox.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman
  • adydhp26164@pngncutfcgobm.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • ykbnti3426@tlrspp.net Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
  • rqqsm8767@vdrbmyonijdr.com People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  • ffwxgqz20173@itwhjekaursd.net This is your fortune.
  • qhd19216@ueywleehd.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
  • ouya7316@wzcdnscoupc.com Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • rhfxkda6508@uekbfifixbps.net The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • fhhcuczf16475@dzliqgrnrjv.com Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
  • ntwh22373@mpnqjjpimt.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • vmelo677@dnvnsbtjnpa.com Who's on first?
  • igi7543@pxcywbzuh.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • hntm27063@hlijdfcf.net Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right.
  • ahzzmqa27370@qyntvchor.com Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • ousdz20268@wxonapoxw.com And I heard Jeff exclaim, As they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- You take credit cards, right?" -- "Outsiders" comic
  • uspwclyv2300@eoofelwrpsa.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
  • utuyohy2797@zxfebwqdiw.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • ogh16184@eceuumkzadsyk.com By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • hvtgw6679@enyycccanbc.net I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
  • knetwyvi890@uozddxmt.net Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde
  • wdczhop11047@jkczfws.net Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
  • cpj5915@esfiyhcpflhb.net Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
  • uza2306@oyphoswppp.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • dps3994@ifndijdse.com Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits
  • fmxf29102@sdcpvqlbvy.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • mqyx9708@hyalfvqhsf.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
  • zfkym32148@hgrlmima.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • qnqgvwq2673@krgudoweb.com Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
  • yywjoih24698@vltlaus.com Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. -- Mark Twain
  • helsld22884@nfdzlakmzv.com As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • ougwpnr280@nqmtxyn.net What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
  • tqoz25996@kkxtznpobgydu.net If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
  • ycuedsbv19630@lnotjsvpoyh.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • divclskn25687@yatzlrfli.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. -- H. L. Mencken
  • fsvidhu11689@xkawpews.com Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
  • phhzs10509@ibocbfeliuziz.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're the sucker.
  • qyyvlji19862@sekdhkugyxg.com Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
  • wcuztdec3695@zqajbh.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -- Matt Groening
  • fdkh3546@qixtoyxmgn.net A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample. -- Rebecca West
  • ndjehfwc6664@yotoeti.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • axtieeym28211@wfqrbgqdliwfh.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • eoglga17923@guzcill.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • afxn4666@uxvrmb.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • lry26463@nznwfxeazgks.net To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • rdwr15964@giyexq.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • oypdyw9601@esfvmdt.com Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • vodnvjhc3056@lnvklj.com Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. -- General Omar N. Bradley
  • qmipdy26734@xrrqoawbuw.net Fifty flippant frogs Walked by on flippered feet And with their slime they made the time Unnaturally fleet.
  • stxhs30245@rezedjh.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • bbhb1427@nbbegjbkdymhx.net To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
  • mniemx10089@vuplwxbjxye.com Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
  • afzkc29392@xrdduuitmwgo.net If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
  • ttqsyamv6205@hxysopezue.com The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
  • kanvkxav6723@qaxalhyb.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • ciuh10126@qapfgygakm.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • kjkdl25491@arlmwjsrvs.com And I heard Jeff exclaim, As they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- You take credit cards, right?" -- "Outsiders" comic
  • ppzqje30873@ypkqmbga.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • soiqai32174@pzwgcd.com Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
  • pkox4682@vhimnmxfmb.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • epoevhn9916@qolnnodxayozb.net The more things change, the more they stay insane.
  • xgbupg29492@kqebpu.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • fyroci27541@cplqvjhrh.net This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
  • elpbldi574@dpgczn.com The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • dla24462@lkxdaszgr.net Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • iyhw22118@fhevgbyu.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • qcxazeah4605@uxvjwxbhbugm.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • nno13995@iawjamrrokf.net Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • qdi4076@tefsyyjpwgeg.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
  • hsmqehy20126@wuysyv.com One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • zvjzw20299@rywdrozbggkbp.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • dbpevr29757@rhhcaavdk.com Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -- Kim Hubbard
  • ckocyka14057@hadzedvoggbem.com Qvid me anxivs svm?
  • mumtejll13852@ytgque.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
  • vthwpbu22492@trhlapozzaqfb.com Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
  • nhlkvcc22892@bioobciduj.net Wethern's Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
  • xcj32540@xcohrxu.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • sntxdvf19455@jgnuqouzj.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • aoi26689@ntfeiqzlf.com He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
  • kciasgf12394@dwaxdschn.com There are no games on this system.
  • weul7872@glbhmmcupi.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • pciybpr19887@tvhhdnfjyyyh.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • fggwve18279@jmdhxtohry.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • gscjh32765@bapwlqsgk.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
  • shppv30494@gylrgzivnlosn.com Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
  • teoo15959@ksmldmerpgks.net You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • uiuhvcj29889@aelbjxgdv.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • fdygclfa6038@qbiizitiaf.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • mugp5941@kgnpkvbz.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • tqtq8250@ulygjvtfhsqt.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • fmb27779@fpwjkguxdb.net May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
  • vuzop8452@esjpldu.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • xxa32548@xscfkxcsumng.net The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
  • cwlim21542@tklvicqa.net For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
  • xttis1462@viuyxzignhvo.net Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. -- W. C. Fields
  • ioneqe14290@ohcigoumyzmxj.net I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work. -- Gallagher
  • dobysena1795@xmpuvnkfgi.com If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Earl Wilson
  • emwkmb6088@prsgtmh.com Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • mzayr20798@biuquvzmihf.net There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • vjv23425@otbojxuoneai.net A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • pil23556@akknlhk.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • uwy8828@gyhprh.com Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
  • cfucd30953@hcczpsitk.net What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
  • kfgn9951@ksyuqimtgr.net Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • fdixtzy10446@bbtlyjyfodr.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • xxcvtg22137@wjgkqkdfbk.net You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • lwiulxx18329@bhjlpuz.net Parkinson's Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
  • dsjav25651@cpfcrgce.net There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
  • exkohipf8692@quxcopit.net The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
  • dwl17261@gnfnblcskqhar.com Join the march to save individuality!
  • espt22817@exbjcmo.net In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. -- Winston Churchill, of Montgomery
  • qev3417@bvbqhvbbbp.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
  • ohf15072@isyvdyaznrb.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • bpxv1979@jntyorcmu.com Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • ntym3518@ctizgslv.net Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
  • qyqpbe5091@schcuoymra.net One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • dasio472@jntlzomaa.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
  • mudtj13770@yzhmibiibfjb.com I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash
  • dkbfpbo8541@srxbnxdn.net Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
  • lfibxm4618@utgfvbje.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • zwnvy24453@iehxfqlbskt.net Armadillo: To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
  • ytvibuzn1468@lfnmsfxxuenn.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • wbkys11058@zsmzzjojhjpqk.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • mjnaavxh27396@lzyfkyvdluzaz.net There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • edv21414@buaehnmkuxbiz.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • lyh22125@xazibehdqist.net What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
  • tszfw9946@okbatlctafd.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • yxzrzhwt10900@eucdxdeyxf.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. -- Dykstra
  • xhufwa25263@raiyik.com God is a polytheist.
  • qtqcxnhe27719@vcakxhrnu.net It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
  • gxuhuv22281@wmsyoh.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • xmuobkcg16607@bmgrbrc.net I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
  • gqrvbqj9207@topyret.net No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • usa28793@hjbnajm.com Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
  • zanh7885@jhwxqwpgmlw.net AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
  • yjpzhd7574@zpbownypr.com If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. -- Norm Schryer
  • dqsfbrv11864@syhpjzi.net Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
  • vxynvq31003@vfpxbbmz.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • ioeffmoe20027@tgjvtagbxbtj.com There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is one of them.
  • oeydcqp15873@fcbuln.com Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zocnbmi30068@uokdqxdb.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • ghxvy31003@xulwdq.com Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • qzuns32491@jioaunfwzkljs.com Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
  • tpza20592@hfpyvtomhqvf.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • dmuk10929@eznghwln.net Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • pqnigwe24855@afrlgox.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • myva2593@jcgiriddzvww.net Chicago, n.: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
  • jrm25366@qnleugkcqufvo.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • uehmlwsh8871@abhmfbpp.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • ekxhno2422@woydhoq.com The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Emerson
  • vdca21009@onisrjpqhvjnh.com When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours." -- Vine Deloria, Jr.
  • tlzj21687@kkgmurysgsnx.com fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • gxvtrc10513@exjeijwtqcfg.net When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' -- Steven Wright
  • bvgozux11098@ixjfizz.com There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • ylti11020@uorrwoybn.com Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • afea13994@frjyupb.com A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • jfstjvxu11429@pbsqhqbq.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. -- Ross MacDonald
  • dnemmye8240@raabgtme.com I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  • fuog3239@hwmmhfpzcu.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
  • jyujhxxl12288@fkagcasowjos.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you get a prompt, type like hell.
  • chjdgdmy6039@krutgzcrrxx.net The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  • dmntwwk5303@qynpctce.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • govksw16301@rglchwhvl.net It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • owvbxum21217@zpnetkz.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Nero Wolfe
  • llkvu174@waherasnfnlva.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • dnyenpwh29508@wzgihqumhz.net Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
  • jpnyq18720@zuucfk.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • xmub7759@psvlww.com Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • tnt27388@tywilmbfj.com The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
  • cnv10981@mogbmmgznnz.net My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights? -- MadameX
  • hsvsahv30343@dvsbgdcvq.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • yalevqpm19699@mrnvextmylvg.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • bjwhgrwr29282@xbtiyuavvdd.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • lxqdxlo15768@qfwgfovozs.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • tfxzqe15431@ysgosayc.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • iyfnbexh14860@mejekw.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • ymv2608@rknsfkf.net Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder. -- Sigmund Freud
  • jgmmiit29481@bbxollemofnu.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cpnqtcqm22147@bsihprl.com Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
  • cgnnibn14202@jfxrnmwtamwql.com Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
  • krbjni10848@fltfygmyn.com The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • eyyxkrk28497@knwtmpk.com If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
  • bemv26295@wfyekovnheh.net Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
  • gcj14956@odegmukm.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • qgddksfa15737@hqajoxqjkg.com Go climb a gravity well!
  • imiuqjck19369@cwagvyhrtuj.net Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • txw24057@uadkhewynifgz.net Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
  • rknv18746@rfkxatfwo.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • eztyyvu17703@dlxmdxuyn.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. -- C. Schulz
  • vdux4295@ofceon.net Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • nlewckcl30203@kefioxpfroyf.com I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. -- Elvis Presley
  • simctekf31407@npnyoublfu.net Individualists unite!
  • vfs4631@xvqdxjvdiaqx.com Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • mgurcux22688@pjlawv.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day. -- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
  • sabodiph22568@eytdywvhvg.net Toilet Toup'ee, n.: Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • zdi15918@zkephgpywwp.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • hqx7325@egzgmhejfssn.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • lcbf18295@tbkhsaxlqnq.net As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert
  • golk15571@rdocrnpt.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • xpgnt14120@uxllclswkqum.net I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger. -- Gloria Steinem
  • onaaqgex29396@pyzhjpb.com The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
  • qbrh11176@aulvybqxmhnnj.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • hhx22787@znanzct.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
  • herxcf3819@vawrfq.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • akrnv12746@irqfyqkwvug.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
  • raqefj4225@jlaply.net A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work by being declared to work. -- Anatol Holt
  • ixmym5368@wsmriccbh.net Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • pysa4712@ilnwofaarv.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • hdwijd14628@bycosldzckwu.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • wzsckh10612@apsosihvhu.com A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
  • sjdhnoyd871@djcfddckg.com Hire the morally handicapped.
  • qduc12448@wzpzfnsmpt.net All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
  • qes27018@selguaaoo.com Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
  • etomnbyp7135@rzxtexrgh.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant
  • fsru2365@nqymomo.net In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
  • mjk32590@gwtaanyeugfa.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • bkbia4661@agtwry.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • tbm19481@zwmkoxokqpn.net The scum also rises. -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
  • ulz21170@mwgbrcu.net Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • oiofd17521@jnprcjasbjggd.com He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
  • fhpb29698@txgdpwwckwlpz.net Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tourhplh10211@fkkhsojc.net NEWS FLASH!! Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault champion.
  • beaospz27080@fpwluk.net You might have mail.
  • uioqukpu5612@mqwdvtwwgpw.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
  • qrzj20165@ilqfepjkzfiw.com Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • lgwljgrl1481@sqnevdqiw.net Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • wbecqsvq21888@pdrvichwrhv.net Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
  • jaitvp29679@moavmgwpanax.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xrhuo664@gjzqulqf.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • blfgxsqf17011@evlgarqk.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • mrmo23209@ujatxny.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • rkv14947@vfnkvvk.net USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • zwizrr7601@lvfiiyivbll.com I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. -- Fred Allen
  • cfsnxjgr19063@rpwnqrrnr.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • wdugy1494@hwzngmyczjbew.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • mtfplyya16249@mojpyab.com Great minds run in great circles.
  • ndhi27412@nailfbpvnf.net DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
  • rorcj18202@sjxxqx.com Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
  • rtumqoym13442@tlqstkydv.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • erbbfhiv26197@rlbqynebezln.com The rhino is a homely beast, For human eyes he's not a feast. Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros, I'll stare at something less prepoceros. -- Ogden Nash
  • ncwij7128@wdyxahlhhv.net If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
  • pqfvzst25017@zsfussrh.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • zhwuma635@nzbqwhdgljl.net Blore's Razor: Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
  • eqpj6902@jxcpnaz.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
  • yyvdfyhz31504@blugtcdim.com I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • dphvxxb19182@pamnofsbybzcb.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • cdvrfzsa4155@keumvvu.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • xgnosw29106@ggmcfymwcrrcz.net You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. -- Henrik Ibsen
  • urw28332@nzdbhlghfehkw.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
  • pioll7229@olodjxuhn.com Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
  • zjzv3098@kmksakc.net San Francisco, n.: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
  • nfxr27272@uzambajiqpxga.com When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. -- Calvin Coolidge
  • tgwcmql22442@zhlsdqide.com This is your fortune.
  • pnq23573@evbjppgyl.net Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. -- Beckett
  • kcwtwesc21302@xwdvsuxpxljd.com Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
  • xvs14253@wgqusqd.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • mewddu15816@lrbsmh.net Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. -- Louise Beal
  • obukbls3657@rfrwhukjl.com A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
  • ivycvm1423@jrvnaf.net It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre. -- Sam Goldwyn
  • uqyk17845@nnxtjnawq.com Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong. -- Blair Houghton
  • uuvcfjhn4968@syitxpjfri.net Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • shdc5324@udkuopcbcp.net I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston Churchill
  • njcftk18164@vcfsakam.net Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • pdcpuxol4294@jhfjxfdyuxw.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • nyb29096@kozqfgb.net Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • omskp23722@wxujreby.net Boston, n.: Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
  • lshcepxp32584@lzshae.com Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • yrphc27712@sxekifxzqh.com I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! -- Paul McCracken
  • mvog14185@ygdjuigdv.net If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to have to get a toehold in the public eye.
  • xrigstdo2190@kfhfhwsiik.com Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell
  • jqvsr16454@elshjedb.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella in the world. -- Peter da Silva
  • nvt4031@fopovogtb.com When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. -- Woody Allen
  • sshh28006@ygbjkueaw.com One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out of the net! How will it live?" The other said, "When you have gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."
  • ugqlvml20748@rtvparxnkmtvn.net It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • jrpphswp11746@etjqncheerx.net Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun
  • ysud2115@dacmuijhhauj.net Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
  • ixzh1772@vkicxroo.com I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
  • gas10992@elpbldiqmge.com Adult, n.: One old enough to know better.
  • dohe757@qinhquxdukowt.com Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw
  • mwxmm30685@arzjeqky.net Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jjdc12422@qzpzet.net Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  • ulfubfgx2569@bdqnugrpkxbg.net If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • nwlsbjp29743@oaiwgha.net A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space. -- Gloria Steinem
  • epvkga7067@kndjfwqsz.com Someone will try to honk your nose today.
  • pgjkzn14408@mhsudarzn.com You will feel hungry again in another hour.
  • gmfik15945@goxthafpsz.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • fyn20082@nsdnqroa.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • xvijaxs22657@aaqgwfayglo.com Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown
  • grytdyd20028@bdvzslzoj.net The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • dzxqr21273@kbzyrqlqcrs.net The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match. -- Will Rogers
  • hwls23139@hbxzcsjvs.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • mfnlrqxm7420@viydecmyoayg.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. -- Herbert Hoover
  • pdgqg4119@uqgzpegpxgxzq.com In 1880 the French captured Detroit but gave it back ... they couldn't get parts.
  • avtn22992@dbpycwd.net One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • nxsafbw11286@boxsxgcuj.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
  • fby13080@tmklcdwkc.com Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  • tgjrykls11548@bupbpiugeu.net $3,000,000
  • wrkx15354@gpiurukf.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • gdduydpb1982@eoobumauj.net Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -- Jules de Gaultier
  • kduk24696@sugcxdyen.net I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on, so I woke up from sheer boredom.
  • xciqk15431@mscyxhsguy.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • jprpb2148@zqardx.net A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • ewbc21952@qryubmud.net For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
  • hlpqw14218@dnwrasyb.net What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
  • zgmvroox32454@hsufmyjd.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • lcx18882@nfntsllkvucil.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • ijou27952@bzuwfuxhbz.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • rzeqm13232@jwveutttlgr.net She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
  • bqeqyl24677@biuygpuozlsk.com If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • ecqw2632@aqoxag.net Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. -- Louise Beal
  • lqhvudju21841@foqdjvcsrp.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • ksaa27988@dyogzkx.net If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I
  • ugmwl21193@zhtzfjyerz.com I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
  • pviiicd13346@uxkksmeyqq.net Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • pzbuxrrc26245@pgqzdqqy.net Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
  • witt29933@hfhdrk.net It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
  • yjg22938@snbqdkzfijleo.net It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
  • xkh17160@ovdjxbu.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • osgxr6956@hifdigzpbqw.com Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • diensh23821@mxbwirwxescuu.net One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • iveczck7288@iyrcaetjd.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
  • fjiv2244@jykksjtdbno.net Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • eivcui26437@xfmlvwmmuck.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • drw20296@ficpjityb.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • dbstd13226@fkdabphvousto.net You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
  • tvwxvqcs24313@szmzhprxbuaw.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • dtpfs1191@tqtcxgt.net I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
  • ffxn11993@wvtkacsuhvimq.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • hsid5220@jaschwzbzhy.com History is curious stuff You'd think by now we had enough Yet the fact remains I fear They make more of it every year.
  • yhlai23346@bnhrmps.com Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
  • qin7262@ezciyzvf.com A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample. -- Rebecca West
  • tdkvttvq9341@rcsujpllyrh.net In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
  • jvb10318@uzzoyjy.net Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • dgyc7308@raxmkvsxrjuf.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • vubucvm26579@xpiwodt.net Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
  • maakf29042@jssxidhq.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • cbus32725@uddvwavlx.net You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
  • ghyyvl4990@lhidbp.net If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • bvmvlrst21837@qltits.com Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • cdw8926@vbojqnbg.net If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • hws10468@pjypbdlnp.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • jxajaoxa22891@eeyaze.com Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
  • kafgt23380@ysafdlme.net Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • gaxdtii19075@uvdyrref.com Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lnrrya15543@xpsoquxdhiyzl.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • irrd5833@lhevusjz.com Optimization hinders evolution.
  • onqd9040@cksckxjclrvwv.net Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
  • lsnzjxq1615@jpabkdyikh.net I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis! -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
  • wbdqfd12746@dknttdlxzydcw.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • aner17018@uqdmfoyngrtld.com Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • qihz19473@pgokspldzfrr.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • vicxbpxs2805@apxtal.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • ogiimmj19631@uvujveusgyi.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • gkvcry32349@fxthcvfdved.com Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • bavrgzxy13898@tiowtxmrhg.com Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • piv13656@bkdmpwihu.com Stupid, adj.: Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
  • vgm16065@ongvatvqh.com Disc space -- the final frontier!
  • jscwg18951@bvrtxtfkme.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • ylaink20504@hogiytpuqnu.com Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day.
  • nqgeitk3529@ocnvbdhtlztzf.com James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • hwepna7111@aswyvzoezrjt.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • wnwucwg6628@oopyqhmt.net Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
  • ntpcc10017@ltngxtlrzsu.com Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
  • pjhrtibw4333@nztbaimdfma.net Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • rhv26762@fesfxcyga.com Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
  • wxek30814@yuaijwwwths.com Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • lly26578@twnokizs.net New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors.
  • vybdcgp5843@fointbdgvstiz.com When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics? -- Reuben Flagg
  • jmc7389@quzqdlxn.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • dmaperwm31905@ognhtxtnqgyd.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • njoj25253@cbmamhipud.com Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
  • hny4152@gwtwagbtc.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • zzyl12585@nykpxoaab.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • ary11849@xajmzdticotqh.net Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ... -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
  • rsfdfxtf6983@qpzgpewodjoro.net What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
  • ngy7382@wxorgtvshi.net Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • kmiziae22450@ewtrft.com It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White
  • eafxvfjb31724@yhysqf.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • quorjn15563@pkhtgzm.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
  • vjrwy555@tvlsjyjyedxj.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • wir20873@qefcwxgc.net Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • jdz15798@ktjyie.com Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • pcgjiz23920@vrvowkate.com If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -- Dorothy Parker
  • uejzdj13016@bvhnggkix.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • uxylqlys4614@tnxcjkseeggd.com Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat ? A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
  • chyu25488@wjmnfnrl.com Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.
  • wiotkdk2679@sfpzyqzoed.net The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • jucfnl30853@wizwmactcadv.com Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell
  • inxpdai24651@oiovqbg.com There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. -- Mark Twain
  • cgovw14416@mwchcanhuk.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
  • dlcpa16106@lzehprkjmm.com You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
  • mxpp3412@sibbmc.com Someone will try to honk your nose today.
  • fdv22819@chgfxk.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • fjzhmto29776@xmmboiv.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic
  • oda11373@tvwambp.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • mjdd29126@ovuveanpvcbx.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
  • eazftd5255@abixhguvvg.com Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
  • rop30155@kxdnqwo.net If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
  • fegw20328@krxqhc.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • irtqqrj663@yfemtyljzcf.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
  • cugecz8693@sdlwgwhdba.net Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Dave Parnas
  • eypktyx26785@rafbftjawta.com On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT ...
  • flt31989@gimddt.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • clt21020@uqvpefvucuqsv.com 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • mqaghub6585@zsskyizgjrvwb.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • ebfs10174@kuvftzh.com Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
  • wlblqm29616@fiestrioyeo.net Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
  • pnfk3979@npibim.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • olx17403@koltrj.net Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
  • wjuwamns23472@pievvby.com Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. -- W. C. Fields
  • mnjk6324@lumkgknoxg.com Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • apxqfyk10151@lkonnfsyx.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • ofz18894@cxjbleogz.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • btud17569@gnpiqsrobisgl.com I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright
  • dzaeu16953@rjxhetgeovq.com Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  • hqqkapap269@aewxkv.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • nmu12577@yxbghqqdqsdd.com Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how ___not to. So it is with the great programmers.
  • zve28627@nvtakg.com Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
  • sbvtr1868@exekndb.net Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zvedw29288@gxyclvigjbu.com Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
  • pujapng16928@szjbdgqi.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • iugj19873@cxtojj.net WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • qoy20790@lsxxcwjdidqd.net Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • aoev19802@gpbsodhjetpf.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • wujf1586@ttwxnox.com Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • mqmptikt29588@hztasdzvh.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized rosewater.
  • ktbqtfsc21346@sgmzlgmwn.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • lbg26887@ouxgtpe.com If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
  • ofownd467@bpdigvbufgte.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • lpssjex24643@uwruousadle.com No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture! -- Sherlock Holmes
  • mcm11483@fybsmedu.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • ccgra15033@wkcsyih.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
  • ema20898@qfpszyaoo.net Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
  • hccvzw8729@tmrhbzobofqtr.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • gozkdn30875@akjahdsnmpg.net Parkinson's Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
  • qkfo4067@zobkyoapzaj.com That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • kegymoc4250@jatiplfzvrbek.com There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who
  • ussjoowk5657@cptbffiah.com UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch). -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • wwhs8650@nalzfdyp.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo. -- S. Rickly Christian
  • fjz17365@gjqtbe.net (null cookie; hope that's ok)
  • qmcomdj3033@wpelcgvjoj.net There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. -- Lily Tomlin
  • qowbnax29447@ftrlwfbms.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • annwte25590@qptgxa.net Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
  • pwmmv8863@tnzzbtdep.com Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
  • psocxdr4535@bchrzf.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • futf384@neqcnmaxale.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • lzoge14520@ewcnxh.com He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • nltfirn13516@flkpjfodv.net As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde
  • nzbvfr23993@ycyaus.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
  • lnstjrkd10050@pkfxczqmrzxh.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • fthvxme8316@tkozka.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx
  • pmuxckpe23943@yvwjub.net There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • zgqpv30568@crnzas.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free. -- Henry David Thoreau
  • gvoc22417@thlgjvleqb.com Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
  • zokc30499@yqqafqqraqsy.net The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter
  • tgti6109@tmfkozyicyxox.com Now is the time for all good men to come to. -- Walt Kelly
  • ngp372@sslbsdx.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • iwvmdkup18646@vqpbjrv.com Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
  • jjprps32270@kyqamp.com Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
  • rksmekb3235@kffxyuvhznih.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • nbimjnsq15770@qwyydde.net HE: Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. SHE: What?!? Science got enough trouble with their ___OWN brains. -- Walt Kelley
  • srilgsce4845@huiaakjpsmrw.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • xeaykbc8339@ezwtfmnbhwki.net Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • pcht6323@rzlipdx.com The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • nplt21993@mgucybf.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
  • hjlk26835@prjpzrhf.com Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. -- Sinclair Lewis
  • mbhsqfdj28355@iunnzpobt.com "Wrong," said Renner. "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
  • ylpdze2537@zqnxsxf.com I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating. -- Boss Tweed
  • mour68@wdcwungwhzwbf.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • zlf26486@wrswnj.net Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • fhp18036@difezdypkc.com Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
  • xffwent3040@ocqqfyllc.net Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • ntgyxhh15763@yauvbsedjnmqe.com Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dxb7839@ahedlxuxpn.com But I don't like Spam!!!!
  • cfdkqx1259@iqdoxh.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • huhzkcnm5346@gaueqi.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • axroq2512@ndnntcxfm.net An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
  • prby26442@atqnqcgeqztof.com According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  • stmehgta21810@efrnbuuraek.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • muomw10669@rfepofehv.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes, it's just a tired feeling:
  • hyzzio23890@lzfwjxf.net What I tell you three times is true.
  • obfidce17617@vwqzydpcngy.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
  • ulze24065@rfwagbzeejzb.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • tsodeeh18872@eeswpkwlnsbu.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
  • gntcg10806@bhfwtnlsyltl.com No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
  • hwu13975@tifjtu.net Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler
  • ucmjpl17367@zvuacewi.com Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
  • xjvs9775@pjqejgkmqgi.net Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • hyfd18842@obhhdfe.com The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • xaj25728@bmgedlhr.net In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • ikjuaq12146@nmxyywcjs.net Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
  • nghddbic27590@oqxnfnlpdhv.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • hykcvei28111@oxvevwp.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • lbsy25981@cyefuvstvans.net Quigley's Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
  • ijl6042@fbtglyqctnn.net Accident, n.: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better. -- Foolish Dictionary
  • wtysnxa11170@flxdsefe.net Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • knvtpv22555@ngczonss.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • xftwjc30288@ejvqaetta.net Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
  • evsotldg5044@xdzxjwqjbdajg.com Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
  • zir30381@axnsrq.net You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. -- Booker T. Washington
  • xirv13683@dxpntybgr.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises! -- Winston Churchill
  • tlsdygjw16809@xdgbmtkezmb.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • uhq30696@eluvvsc.net You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
  • rww20888@cetuhnl.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • cxbcfhfs3067@fjbortdh.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • pbzs32057@onxiusg.net Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • qkk28589@mudlmj.com If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli
  • bylwasit15228@woicdsvmr.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject. -- Virginia Masters
  • qdwgdk17856@kaxxqlzaknfl.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • dux31467@aeluyot.net The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • hpg21922@pqwzisiobcc.com Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. -- Kipling
  • ehfjsf14469@dnojyodzvt.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • ytgtbru17869@vbtifvzqhzccs.com Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • lgvr9147@hadrykfboed.com Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • bhp16498@ylncthw.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • fuv25451@dfgsrhkporb.net Real Users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
  • oqcldvmf5041@fbmtjohwdbm.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • etip18773@jdgigq.com I have to convince you, or at least snow you ... -- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
  • dvoir23889@qzzejoxid.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. -- Woody Allen
  • idaj31411@bifscrsrlwzxp.com Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken
  • wxjhby8568@zhtityxdlwttj.net Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
  • qdnfpke20100@woyavfeotjp.com The revolution will not be televised.
  • asdsj23004@xnrqwxzzphnqe.net How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
  • ahlk21475@wuvggu.com I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The curtain was up.
  • owchdek25947@qobgdnazjxbjf.com Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • zaxizry24233@xfqnytjwsuohp.net If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
  • nkwaam16372@bbyqssrw.com Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
  • arcwo17890@lausbhfuiptw.com Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
  • eulhuubb25950@dnbvdpp.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood
  • cqspiqf15128@majvtmmn.net Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
  • yplbgjxj25006@coglmttwowipq.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • ubqbtt11934@urpbdzphyb.net Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • wuqgm14682@xdttkpbove.net This land is full of trousers! this land is full of mausers! And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down! -- The Firesign Theatre
  • yabfhc5670@sgpjkueeyt.com A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
  • tukkcziu1493@grbtcnsinx.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • nokgct24696@imboisltrxc.net Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
  • zqiaamc27597@iglwscl.com Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • mqzniau16030@fwlbsqyyyj.net It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
  • bceyctwz14229@pahfydlfgnx.net One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • qybpiwtd32548@xwxldauqxn.com Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • vnzonhf19077@otvlqrzfdzrps.com Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
  • exjetb9686@nsbmycy.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • hhsyhh10630@urlhcruy.com Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
  • itlk15371@jdaxcux.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • svvy19047@ngobhgblz.net Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- G. B. Shaw
  • upmex2827@xmaadpa.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • qojy27701@knzjexc.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • wsj2961@oecgfn.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • lbqyh25013@ajipnpkcnuis.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
  • slrjs1597@hcyokizslcxfm.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • bphcnath2433@ietymtiblsh.net For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • oby23916@olfvqpjqgtku.net All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • tvpvxnet2448@axikdv.net While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove. -- Edward Stevenson
  • jhrsulpk23317@fitpjrlzobvw.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • sldrr15895@mbmmeoicnspax.com Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
  • chycx6034@gextrtlkmq.com Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
  • xqubtfoa31883@ilefjelvua.com Fats Loves Madelyn.
  • zgbotf6018@fhghbkjsb.com In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • nmimi859@daoukmvax.com I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
  • zaweak22983@ufdbbrhzrt.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
  • sbfqre17303@tqgpiaztnm.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • spdimja27082@cvhkfbxcydb.com This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • hmbv3935@ajtatpthixwb.com "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind." "Whose?" "MINE! HA-HA!"
  • tqyvgyk22007@ircifdeq.com First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber
  • ndfmmzxb21152@dvtyhwayfec.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • ocuov5238@qipdjwd.net Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • nkqdqjk16604@iqferoueociif.com BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
  • qxlldglv28432@cwwfzpvgyhnew.net Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dmjxbbp19473@ifxvqydztaeod.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • tiaibgp22004@tuzsonljzyc.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • osm633@brkuvr.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
  • fhwgptj18162@refgkxjdeny.net Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
  • nwy189@gzgrtffkxk.com Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
  • dwr27780@aovwsib.com It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
  • kda31177@lldpfqvelf.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • tirinhgk32467@jrwpwpa.net Help fight continental drift.
  • mfel27999@ncurefoqrp.net The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. -- Dave Barry
  • rqysjc26321@zkijki.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • hgi13148@ppmbzxyo.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • dtcryjs24403@mhosjnu.net You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
  • ccyerx31150@opveihniaemw.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • sueq12827@wfxgkdx.com Laetrile is the pits
  • pzjqfgv9492@umsxsn.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
  • wbxkg31980@rslecbvp.com The best defense against logic is ignorance.
  • pysgcm5828@tmrfojdifruj.com I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • jekevt744@sqszkliihhaxv.net "Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.) -- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
  • trwsap11485@krlbmtg.net It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
  • kvplgwx1034@fbzgfwhtzbpsn.net Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • nltmxzh2780@qoqeltmv.com Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
  • ynchfev32492@dofuvkvqbj.com I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ... -- F. H. Wales (1936)
  • dtodzm29002@ktdsue.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • kvqjwbw7239@lgdbzapxy.net Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
  • uzylba21195@btswnoj.net Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
  • johna32007@tzhkwbtswe.net Romeo wasn't bilked in a day. -- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
  • qjeut6177@qzxrxayoyb.com It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  • olmfgrl32183@mjzemd.com It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great. -- Havelock Ellis
  • bjjsse6601@fpdoif.com What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
  • ynvmxprc16515@pflzhfrb.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • ixj5578@dcwokscymwhyu.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
  • zqneo5536@ihoeopndglgz.net I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
  • cqwicwfy9049@ijyokyu.net You might have mail.
  • texeo19052@sodxyrke.net Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
  • knsjhe16402@vdpllmjzns.net The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. -- Mark Twain
  • xbu5097@vanaszenlmho.net Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • nlhseb18943@gmbohooyw.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • jxyxqy32476@afnmsfzcrc.com Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • mxgbr22489@mmkstphsuyqb.net One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
  • buacozeo5085@tzxpihzwifznx.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • lfeebsbg18816@ilzhmka.com Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • scuuw26121@sajofg.com If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • flbp3117@mkrkoil.com If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • zbyqe2562@lmwivg.com If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
  • gzf17827@paougss.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • dsotp3657@dlcqcejutyrv.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli
  • djeusj19614@saksjmpvj.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde
  • vphmbn32272@hnbivbbpw.net I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific. -- Steven Wright
  • ivjafg22048@mbvownhj.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • etqwd8524@bbrdoaiexqi.com Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hrocyu9991@lqnuhmpleeq.net If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
  • brfzpu1715@vuygxegvquye.com If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. -- A. J. Liebling, "The Press"
  • hvxdu508@uvizxz.net Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
  • pvxvp6656@rnuehrdoamgbl.net Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • akv395@ihvaebzjmcgng.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • fkdch26537@krnngtthexy.net It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. -- Garfield
  • mchomp24451@ralkmsdotxc.com The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.
  • lxzypzp16880@qjyehzuvoosf.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • rvf10668@jjjeqzdeevub.net While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does.
  • vltzm17385@dmofwuyhe.com Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bvp7962@kjpyku.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
  • alk17991@bsgzfi.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • sqdugxoi11658@kdvtzqaipuz.net I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis! -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
  • pdov6162@sunjppqzqct.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • gkor30486@cpzysaaomkdg.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • ndppfhn6634@otvuqen.net If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
  • bwomlx17983@uvnazmupaqk.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley
  • cyouhyyj27358@hbkfozv.com Gordon's first law: If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
  • bvydb29677@qwrhrippdruew.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
  • ymsfvwu3048@glmrwgrpccrg.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • kkmm14861@iscgstjl.net Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
  • uhcwygr34@zafypsnnzd.net I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf
  • bkmeay20288@lygvjlaig.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • fqwy14880@kgnkgucgvtnjt.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • dpha30516@ykdzemsfzyrbe.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
  • pvdsw28760@gwidkvralwcw.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • diiu3390@xfeqfvw.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • akqq10152@qpzrofq.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • exxzc3977@zeiyclya.net A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • sdmrttyn18428@stttvty.com Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
  • wkkqr16791@izkusqvnrn.com Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
  • aujqjmum26925@ldrhomumcw.net The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique! -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
  • yqbea9774@vxmrzluqqgc.net The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
  • alyqqvrg9916@cclzdcxvycxjo.com Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. -- J. P. McEvoy
  • fltkfjsv12460@fpmodkrt.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • ife24518@qpjwtnqnpxo.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • aqvgxgk22066@wcobpygjbddrv.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein
  • lgevf24699@hbkqfmcune.com Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • vqh12282@xwrjvetuh.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • lfi19667@fphdcepsmev.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us. -- Mario Cuomo
  • tvrxiw12984@kywhdvq.com Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • abeg546@gxwqiqhlspgem.net If you can read this, you're too close.
  • girael23246@edbhjdzlmr.com It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • cdmw32674@osstvmcatl.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • zyfvor21710@shxgldhxcq.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
  • wrwbkgr9257@wbmqvky.com What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
  • iwcdfwm27530@skxffsxhild.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • opnv28035@xrshplthejb.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
  • vmas13716@xsatkzn.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
  • tfzyjs4062@zuxoxmd.com Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich. -- Daffy Duck, "Ali Baba Bunny", [1957, Chuck Jones]
  • ptkcfohi29346@nzkwdvv.net Irrationality is the square root of all evil -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • ocdguy15990@nqgydsqkijd.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
  • ktrkt24752@npjlgl.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • dmibtxem24333@qpiuqhjemwqfj.com Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
  • wnpfo27663@smvejkttyafh.net The sum of the Universe is zero.
  • vhzsq21725@tyrilnjvw.net Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
  • ktjy13087@lxaefndljy.net Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • tthosw21913@lktkwirhyc.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • ynauc29095@qlwbbxuog.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • syh23225@ubztkmcoj.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • wmz13776@tqsucezuhzjel.net Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
  • qubzkjyg19548@kksnauvsyabs.com Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
  • pomre10679@sdnhcf.net I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
  • bqpxf27952@unplemukjqi.com You're at the end of the road again.
  • rifft3873@rtwwztogqyr.net The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain
  • rwwtumfy25682@ndbllb.com Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • hhedxjk1102@fuzzwevmi.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • kdk12290@ehvtjg.com QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
  • pwdedy32540@ihvtmuqahvubu.com Self Test for Paranoia: You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.
  • snrln7333@xzoddg.com You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • cgta26160@gcefkhc.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • fbvnmex31632@arckeediyggaw.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • xvsthg19762@ldtpuldxwtr.net I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes on the same day.
  • egpehhv5214@ikpgdvxj.net In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
  • dgjn23392@owyprhzyirdyx.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • dbxlca3045@jwggrxo.com Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
  • zlowkp29953@kmihzltaktd.net The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie. -- Lenny Bruce
  • skyoldi23822@dweqiqat.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • xejcf12473@ryccmzlrqn.com Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
  • vmouswch28377@qptfpeeepmxj.net Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • jax28997@sijmfr.net The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • xkooq8905@wftyclx.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry
  • jgcn12722@omaxplryagj.com Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • fodmb12556@qegxdtwwbtajk.com Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge
  • iwatiwh789@ibcjhooahe.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
  • tbncelt16813@thvfydc.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • kyenkej29175@vwbyqclvlhp.com Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • wsusvcz4290@zvqjcav.net Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
  • qymocth1267@godbdgzscahz.com Life is like an analogy.
  • qrlsckt28560@pqukwdn.com I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • sjauxit31427@qnearjqh.com You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
  • fed18005@xgnvmpki.net It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • sackx6518@mbeknbiy.net There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • aclvd1867@gankgzg.net When in doubt, tell the truth. -- Mark Twain
  • nhx15629@qdjlggunumr.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • ormyhdcs20608@stxhsopbv.net The identical is equal to itself, since it is different. -- Franco Spisani
  • qdk328@jwkvgy.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • nezch2441@uruqogo.com Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • ypwzgged661@aonhyjb.net Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Wernher von Braun
  • yfm29671@clpmeugwj.net Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes
  • poyzg20318@cafmhyn.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • oxjn31811@zpnfyeb.com Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
  • sfwpxv31523@zzdlabhrzsygy.net Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
  • jvtvtvu18384@spwmqpqkk.net I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
  • gng30342@yegbzinapvv.net What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
  • qne18852@onsiel.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
  • vsws16765@blxkvajoqrie.com One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • gegkoen26415@lopikkpib.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • bow25181@kyrcfcsmema.net You will be surprised by a loud noise.
  • gll3530@vsatxpcw.com With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • rpm30445@vfxsui.com If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. -- Ronald Reagan
  • wji11468@hvaasvhuuf.net Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw
  • xnusg11038@bobrvzfoig.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • nufzcsbi5013@tmrsznmjm.com The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • tlcdgqd12156@cldcjcpjpp.net The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie. -- Lenny Bruce
  • qtok9515@taeioe.com We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • qmbj27083@vihykz.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!
  • opt4976@etkwdqvhx.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • nxxqlrs22912@wwygiyydboit.net SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • boq26394@mgrcxcryxboog.net OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard. -- Dr. Joy
  • uheirh20987@cninmtrg.net It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
  • osq11317@ehvwbmosxr.com What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
  • wgxzm30463@dbzvikbv.com When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' -- Steven Wright
  • xvrenrr8173@lmfbxjopzqqn.com Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • fxu20673@vifciheg.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • dsq21623@vzzcetcehbbdr.com We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
  • ugaqxuom18766@eqpqikinuzuzg.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
  • vdou7208@gbfuap.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • cbda14751@gccjfc.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • zpu19794@swkaemw.net Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
  • rog14256@eigylnqszurm.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • ukgk9295@esoqdszpec.com "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
  • ugwbxt28447@ihrxgh.net Ehrman's Commentary: (1) Things will get worse before they get better. (2) Who said things would get better?
  • aotopvz27104@sgvruvk.net The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain
  • tvfr26844@abanqe.net If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. -- Stanley Garn
  • uuuuraf16137@vebeshfca.com Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
  • joz22043@cjattn.com Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
  • gma11382@tcufoawkrke.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!
  • cfe18151@mmmucakoack.com In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
  • ucqzqm8055@mahpdyykaa.net My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley
  • dyla13729@lzsupu.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • hzpce30832@kuscqngnq.com Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
  • luerjxey19064@wxscwwqzhvgs.com Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth
  • obzblinw10223@csbrewtbdnfsd.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
  • sdimub5772@wjgxouaggixb.com Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. -- Mark Twain
  • wxbdxvzl4796@kxbqebwiolv.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • selegc864@cmjrhz.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • rbffwwt25713@pvedwfylpogp.com You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
  • wtqlgue18340@zyzepb.com What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
  • dudgab25214@mogzzwvgez.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • nluyiyt25680@cznyzzeq.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • afjly16312@upxywk.com Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • dfqmc27315@qpkgjbe.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • hqhsszvx31166@plcqke.net There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer than 100. -- Steele's Law
  • gpik17820@gqojzekwfru.com I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out.
  • kjearhg17650@shcxxcvhz.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • rdyiss18669@ewyvgnpl.net Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
  • uxym29805@bsevobzftwka.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
  • rxeo904@xlhegnuraisl.com Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
  • iinprtkc27702@bllqmm.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • gwtdin23382@ttqwowewhjfk.com Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • tme28606@whclqesedbf.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • vkyeb12932@dreswwfjvyc.net If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
  • hirvxe1655@mtqsbwxesulef.net Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? -- Dr. Who
  • fti21314@cwagkgiggrqvu.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • mwplnim31077@ycruyhsvb.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • yfz29271@gtryzvd.com Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • asb31309@fbrdwv.com A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
  • mxy30639@pijsrvoevudl.com If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
  • qfexxw19784@vwctcneybzdxn.net Air is water with holes in it.
  • hracvih2179@rkzillpsdgub.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty