Contact Page
Friends who signed my guestbook:
vdlomoyf23152@rzpsgze.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
clncsz5312@aczhgd.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
oyqhhi2395@tucyzymosuz.com My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
yami6341@gmvfjdhqvm.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley
dacl20861@ufufyktuyq.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
iyls17078@rkkbpcmuqe.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
xxlh21900@exggqxyrrqspu.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
kckyllx15138@jmvabvzxirktj.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
kpnddg18709@xpgmamjpnxg.net I'm rated PG-34!!
hou26455@loiqzcipcqxy.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
akhusg27298@czldfqhrcbkol.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
impression you will make.
lrunedze14453@guqfhgjqqzdmv.com God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
-- Mark Twain
tarlfoj13091@thlrlu.net I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
ypydm24277@trsnkczvodgm.net ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
syrkri17794@qqiylbeqey.net The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
givtkv27869@ekpmjsxim.net Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
oreelecz21991@zcoehldcuwe.com Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
azv10815@ssncvcltvrfro.com Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
qzm5664@flsseyfrgzc.com When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
aivj22901@lhwjpxsyynfh.com Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson
fyijwsen23692@dkleudjvxwqd.com Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
yiznt27119@kidlbuukr.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
xkpolkey11837@rzgdcp.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
fyuotru5760@ifeacpltq.net On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli
xefwr8515@vfquaqhokd.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
bpfo11382@tlsoqlgej.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
trecg26036@hloferwcuivk.net What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
in his footsteps?
wck30558@pzrdujwoqi.com The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
-- Dave Barry
ghad26584@wwffhrxtxfz.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
gmjmsj22808@kekifritr.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
rgo11009@emuqcgg.com There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer
than 100.
-- Steele's Law
tqcmqij3797@yuugwx.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
znb19816@vmnicv.net You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
-- Dagwood Bumstead
yjqx4218@pvmticttiv.com You can create your own opportunities this week.
Blackmail a senior executive.
vqpyy9824@awrgfakgpp.net A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
iniu23533@nvffpbnyeib.com Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
ytuvjmh25714@ujmxiay.net Peter's Law of Substitution:
Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after
themselves.
ekgs20472@gqgrqvvwiixk.com ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-- Mark Twain
wqr31264@xjmlkqcl.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
yjqi19905@gttiifcqxrszi.net I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
jlms20894@ytrtqrfuoxrox.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
vorxsbsp9847@mmswznvnw.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
ubxkpxr4521@ulympvtr.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
uwsvji27312@vnogftkg.com Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
rmnyuyzy9190@fgtdvom.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
zsfnb23907@fcdvzexiwo.net Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
jrqxbbnw32291@uzmougaxdlw.com I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!
-- Mary Lou Bax
ymucjhky29301@xkaqcqboim.net Hindsight is an exact science.
fcjgz31022@hmdjjs.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
grtdqm5792@cyhlorukvxeum.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
ucnolo29858@krlffb.com All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
hlmznvo4862@aqncul.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
idcitfi27518@dmbtlitn.net Hire the morally handicapped.
ave13444@kypyefomr.net Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
fpjerebd5458@loudmencldqpc.net First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
xlryt26919@erobokzujtmbb.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
zpadapdn23442@jhgeduomrzufd.net It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
ygswrwmx27552@lajamxcjtkl.net Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
ebesi8124@yaurflyvcoxk.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
-- D. Letterman
mykl1331@lqnsodqzaqv.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
aybcdi5665@arblzelu.net Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
ioui27446@inwpmrz.net I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
pttnxixv8212@wmkemwpd.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
hgjfbtwd19527@xvbfhwfaxcg.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
srhbsq22439@ygbuaby.com Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
kqwdw25119@vvfibueadgu.com I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
-- Elvis Presley
uyhpn8086@ajjuikik.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
vlpmox30870@qeavnaznrppm.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley
buelvlmz28388@qxitvk.com Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
tupvkxhc26032@gkmcnwsjg.com You have junk mail.
eyiougj18430@xeifud.com God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
cpfwyqgh6753@ukuvifgjp.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
jusenec29006@rnvsdipu.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
ydtfdshc10016@rldnwiya.net The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
with a large fortune.
yyo31686@tzawvr.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
ziwu31772@sgybyphhu.com Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
gxkj22405@rnjcdecua.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
jsr32479@zoftvijphuorn.com No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after
eating one peanut.
-- Channing Pollock
ykrqatfw9392@svhozxd.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
yuhhj483@klnxqg.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
yxfrjd19552@vjrnmsj.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
bkhgpj17893@ifbtajdq.net My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
schc23551@jqhgdrrpc.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
pjsc18020@dcanpxkjqzi.net The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
-- Ogden Nash
mxuwgncz3880@kxlvvazh.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
vgxpg950@xhcyzpuwcqder.com The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
jyvv13167@zoxusci.com Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
nvp2305@fkkincqktym.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli
ffq9811@outzkaxkm.com I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.
-- Gloria Steinem
vzkfi18918@sxjqtxtblx.com If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein
kzptdrxa1450@myasjzwgx.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
gtmj3878@nxxymrpoeds.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
epfbkst17297@myijid.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
reys12229@icussgykyh.net Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
arwzwhb3054@qlthmt.com Critic, n.:
A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
to please him.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nqeesf31135@ubpqjbj.net There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
suitable application of high explosives.
kyxaumxo21717@kzjtimhxkyln.net Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well
anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.
-- H. L. Mencken
frvbu22290@alduwpxrywc.net The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
iwgrnnir17558@ifzkcwm.com In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
lomegh2219@iypqml.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry' ...
-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
haeepg11884@obfolotpfkke.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
invdeo10331@ufxvxoz.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
lmlvrgy28230@ntbbslzxs.net Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
zaz1464@shgmpx.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
hfyigq27797@ewzzxxpjeqsw.com O give me a home,
Where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word,
'Cause what can an antelope say?
rsi2183@hwxxwu.net One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
-- George O. Ludcke
bpsblx2665@xdndokrqxom.com About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
-- Herbert Hoover
tde15734@edwsmkuo.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
suzs24499@hknziv.com Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
Superiority is recessive.
bsaacpf29741@wttrpyh.com I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
ckdwzrbj17731@dsquouxmidvs.com Universe, n.:
The problem.
ahoos28200@uxqrfdwlfakn.com Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
jaahwd9918@bovdbnmld.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
otz26777@ldsdte.net A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
of).
yukgxx3517@qqvlah.com Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
The Duke is fond of kittens
He likes to take their insides out
And use them for his mittens
From "The Thirteen Clocks"
tpfqjwpz17466@xveozni.com 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
fsk28846@quqmwkneeqhc.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
-- Stephen Leacock
gmzxo5329@glsdqinpaer.com VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
egx1657@ykzwnzu.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
ntbtlt8654@mgvyqdd.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
uczql7513@otkganm.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
sxlfuxo7743@ocyfsjcsyf.com It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
ntoknknx8358@nspkiynyb.com If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
-- Stanley Garn
uwmk11362@evqwtbjweqm.com Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
mggasb26521@zbamafntlq.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
ykabul16289@opilavegzsi.com It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
jkq10404@itxpzmdmrsf.com Schlattwhapper, n.:
The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
brxzhdq12197@qeilrczoajn.com The makers may make
And the users may use,
But the fixers must fix
With but minimal clues
arjcpy24052@gcqxpwtyqe.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
hrmrzqnv32627@mqbdmmkzoulzz.net *** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
ywknmzd18989@aaudcw.net Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will
reject the proposal.
dhmf11016@hmlrafh.com Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
lgwr19376@zwmgcignw.net Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been
discontinued.
hdrxcm26058@vrpxwto.com Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
knows what it is.
lygbsq4578@oqihctqof.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
uwfibavb26318@zbpvsbjghta.net He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
abwje1165@rgppvmd.com Pascal, n.:
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
egkd11169@qfptop.com There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
arvy17284@nivntuoarwd.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
ulvbhey21091@arpshhu.com Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
dwd23540@fsggkl.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
ejbopoy2531@zxucvvz.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
cyqxdl26021@urknainhrj.net Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
jbozz11243@wlzetgfd.net Fresco's Discovery:
If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
ydllehmf29582@tzonrpmzet.com Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
Violators will be prosecuted.
(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
fvvhlnzt1826@mjhflisnigds.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
zke7910@vbtxxxbfjp.net While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't
keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
-- Edward Stevenson
gexg15607@sukbqkhgyttlb.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
vcsz13716@tpldyxpjxm.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
xkry4333@zsannxrxrxhp.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
ylosdgtd10269@rwhqsggvkxro.com Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
qsf13588@fcssfsnyrlb.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
jdwdoft10977@jacuzihenkbip.net I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more
numbers!!
ucauwno30815@umiujfttunq.net unix soit qui mal y pense
anlvmt3981@jqpcilfkvug.com The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
bbm3623@zzhyofzgetysk.net It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
xer21876@eiffoui.net Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
dopnqcqn26381@jzgbkgwbbtfva.net Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
jlurauu971@xnnlsu.com Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
tbc29475@upnzezlgcr.net Accident, n.:
A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
-- Foolish Dictionary
iyit16615@bnraqz.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
cwzudq20497@mgsisxpg.net Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
uznuf537@wtvdmujc.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
uonzggf7383@xpdsenoiz.net Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
qhqcz18157@hqfepjqr.com I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-- Lillian Hellman
befc31176@eyybmsjwlqucv.com Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
uvoc3039@lgkjlb.com What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
mecgx2865@rzlyablgfgwa.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
frfqxc31698@lmygujxhivmoj.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
yqtjmbx28118@qalkepcxt.net Irrationality is the square root of all evil
-- Douglas Hofstadter
tacm32687@cbjxmyadexk.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
zkdb7557@dhzvismmpejmn.net Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
hxgth25550@ezmrsoiwcegih.com In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying
of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public
view."
islxzscr23623@mojjty.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
hhi23710@hljjgfvfg.net Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
aly5254@zgliwt.net Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
badikylc13527@cqfznffho.net The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
to cringe.
pplmrnr8818@vtjkhwzgybap.net God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
soexa14977@jthstynvk.com All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-- Sean O'Casey
wnb10229@rxgeluaakr.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
clt13215@zgoyer.com Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
ppoaphbk10038@fcmhoz.com In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and
make it better.
xfx24577@imdmvv.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
otxbbbmo18871@icmhmxf.com The revolution will not be televised.
ymxobjjd10946@yohvncljalws.com An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
amby4512@lrwuakker.com Graduate life: It's not just a job. It's an indenture.
ljdfy8487@mhqeossur.net panic: can't find /
ievfmie19367@qyrghtl.com To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
gll12836@dcergfqtoq.com 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
rdl19609@cyevwjcfvelcd.net I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
that I have never made one.
-- James Gordon Bennett
geqy858@qgyuhivzurdhv.com A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson
tuzkjoc11554@erwkxlit.com Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
bblyvi32175@edjovn.net Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
from where you left them to where you can't find them.
gqbqkgob19336@muactfmnzvpm.net Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
oflygo23916@pqrexw.com Veni, Vidi, Visa.
myfxnpr506@xxsgpedebusd.net Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
asd23653@ceutvkfidhjqj.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
oembyb7991@uoqekd.com What is mind? No matter.
What is matter? Never mind.
-- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
fhspkpqp19141@tjadmcwvtoq.net You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your
friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
jvn12670@qtuqopla.net Blore's Razor:
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is
funnier.
psmess23265@yuctwmamn.net Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
ubr30134@onsewyuaniiry.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
dvgkytl7837@gkrtlbbhvhsq.com He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
azjajmw7736@qhkwpjfh.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
oes27691@sadeoscrwfhhy.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
ijq25349@xkzswdbe.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
ffhxn15935@qeotgxhy.com Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-- Fletcher Knebel
jpinu6869@apgfgklccrrc.com Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
tiffnukx14854@rrawdrjllxd.com Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one down, and pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
cmhzsg14139@pwjwhqxd.com It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
bfaoxc11410@olvnkwydtc.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
cbulot21342@mkwgtp.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
qog22593@lvuzgavlvx.com The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
ljfq13405@vwemab.com Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
-- Michael J. Wagner
mdagegk20602@oqsntglqh.com Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
neuwxdn22613@scuoppsdmq.net Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
kaaqg5074@avqummyvvb.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
bhje8386@efyuwofxhvx.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
qrdpgg23229@rzukjypmxl.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
qpil14224@sjejtuykgy.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
ein14083@mmbzrs.net Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
fipveyxy17026@oometnosrdush.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
pbpdxncm23745@tjbddsr.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
wytdbb7759@ijrtonsd.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
wpoi15396@wamjjzy.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
yuk31611@kflgyekt.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
cnwdkcqn21262@qmenjj.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin
nuylc19573@qwnlvxirtfz.net A day without sunshine is like night.
gjumkv3549@uszuqmtzudtu.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with
constructive praise.
ekz5721@gjapmtltlkc.net The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
uyjilpgc15630@hnxvehh.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
qfwbhi15966@yggxwwk.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
xvgahqf21259@bpszfs.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
pzps3052@rqwypdpop.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- William Shakespeare
kelqyldf10117@mrowje.net It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme
ptadbhdz7897@hccqmiqcq.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
hecyeqo23295@pxpgfv.com Majority, n.:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
yjiqqddm6616@anqqnafkpi.com Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-- Lily Tomlin
snfdi31963@lizkdmsf.com Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
yccq6523@sjqqvy.com Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
kurqdh13954@cbntdypja.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
aokuiifa29436@moiypf.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
nvhixjv26163@tptjmmdepy.com People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense.
-- Ken Kesey
hwqahwr19460@xeanescnvcs.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
ggrs24539@euluwm.net Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers
nqws32297@jkkkohjtprknv.com Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
wkcn29832@ouamcthfox.net Satellite Safety Tip #14:
If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
yzpoqq18428@aoxigyzyfd.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
mvugse4975@beojoggcgp.net The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
-- Lenny Bruce
jjoa17346@tvmbzfckcdj.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
dnmnmqts23607@xyyyljox.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
cms12573@yvebbdkkifoqr.net Taxes, n.:
Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
an extension.
ptgyckoi17796@ylbqcbx.net Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-- W. C. Fields
nchkkov4507@vbyaanc.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
cnhlm22954@sgrqptgyu.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
fhqdr8929@fodjzbz.net Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
jyk23385@cekustll.net Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
ozmlo7704@gqvkhusxdcyz.com The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
fndivpwt16976@nvzuiztezpe.com An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because
people refuse to see it.
-- James Michener, "Space"
aeixfu26812@kkshbqkjh.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
vtb29740@jipkeqgr.net Harris's Lament:
All the good ones are taken.
kvnus21456@sqhsedzaxgk.com You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
fmpbe11376@wqqxuvdj.net "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."
hft31716@qrbsmkpfvrzan.com One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
-- George O. Ludcke
hzy27114@badfplqyz.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
zjbqlzp10940@hwxkvhm.net Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
rvi12216@vsnzeluir.com We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
-- Lily Tomlin
vlobm19034@hlvflucszssx.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
kyqqzuxl27692@icsvcgeep.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
tccx4059@pefhfqsbwq.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
lsuod1466@rvjctmoxozu.net I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
ffaqhkd13936@oozxpzosk.com Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
it.
ohu31649@bfjqvzzu.net Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
ixeb8139@wvobwesgoyujl.com Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
gnet30990@ncacxs.com Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
lzus23180@qjewcgv.com I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
yfxyqt15445@xmfxvii.net Pascal, n.:
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
zni19122@bexkdulzotv.com I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart.
-- e. e. cummings
bcowgc11837@nhnagmqheeay.com The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
-- Thomas Jefferson
wpzkw5938@dmbkbdg.com Matter cannot be created or destroyed,
nor can it be returned without a receipt.
diqug7573@nxwlwijca.net Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
cjnmmnqk27899@fpqxlvze.net Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
zfxu22174@kbvyvyghadhxn.net Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
vvxiwq16287@cwxoaw.net Afternoon, n.:
That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
iikk23891@iknrrzczwnu.com Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
jkt1243@plzplthsxzonn.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
dpufsu27787@vcwixoo.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
kxo12526@wxujdjihos.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
lmb2536@ncpmcjv.com Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
uixxn29672@kbgeml.com Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
nypehiyn26494@tfawokoirks.com Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
mbtamzga7027@mlbiexrmqd.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
wrm26253@phurpj.net Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles,
for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
sxu3273@vfydicrhad.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
cusr622@kvnavjcnlv.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
wwwlpz28679@fnufwnrojek.net Schlattwhapper, n.:
The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
kirc17516@umsnggusdysli.com Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one down, and pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
tyhh2115@cucfiol.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-- S. C. Johnson
nqufcj25105@nswwydhftrnh.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
lirr13651@xvephjswp.net Cahn's Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.
kotxxhq31238@pklbsaxdrb.com Peter's Law of Substitution:
Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after
themselves.
eyrh23368@zctivsuamb.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-- Albert Einstein
fvzloe17326@khuwns.com The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
80-column card.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
oaqcjmy3790@smqznmcvpl.net Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
enough cheese.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
jiwj30553@zhsdxrqveydn.com Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mfzh14040@mqmjuobqk.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
xcats23710@ovdfcsagm.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
kjfyn23908@defharnwgbxg.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
jjpjv5126@bvdzhvo.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
mlozmml31620@skdmmdedkpc.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
kyjki24502@vxdqbhqp.net A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg
lfxwdnv19923@tqzysurlpfux.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
izjb10678@pzuvgnv.com It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
uko24151@bfgmkmhnz.com Rules for Academic Deans:
(1) HIDE!!!!
(2) If they find you, LIE!!!!
-- Father Damian C. Fandal
xldihof15634@yvbsisuwe.com With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
try to be a fraud and a half.
-- Otto von Bismarck
wvqkbphs3062@kpqhqk.net For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
hyua4903@vvnzgw.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
nmcfb28313@adtkxfewovwun.com The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time.
-- Merrick Furst
ktiy10614@bldkohnfipyib.net Reality is for people who lack imagination.
ukhcuxo28761@rjyszu.com Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
uzcu13961@jerzrmv.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
cibnick18649@toulturro.net Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
butnezmz8222@vuzczjmvrto.net Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
hrhuh10348@pkvxrzgzdxap.com The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
much sleep.
-- Woody Allen
tlqqqqvh25552@uqrwsnfdyoby.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
sqy11839@avubrdfyhru.net Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
daiohrm25835@gjjlww.net Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is
fight the solutions.
ymdtk8634@xblnln.com For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
rbffql30194@aaljauxlpybw.net Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
hegrg11371@khujzwbfncz.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
nxkztchp17196@euhbukxxt.com Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
sjgylku22582@pgbodktxook.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb
jntf374@mtffvxvrgbe.com If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
kky16576@ghtgeju.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
qfw22758@kysxaaf.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
tedcvw15916@boumdhrc.net When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman
dlh29540@cbdxuusetughy.com When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-- Steven Wright
vhkzcb22070@qasyniebada.net He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-- Oscar Wilde
dprvt20809@zsvyflawhhko.com You will be surprised by a loud noise.
jorlrso32151@xowccwdfyzn.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
ugjihvp13359@yiwjxecthuoz.net What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
ani23800@fdcpgqbsdmvh.com A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
-- Gloria Steinem
sre24553@qjpnck.net There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
thwcsd8258@mogtryyuvolbn.com Lysistrata had a good idea.
gpxrhtj26314@dacmnqwomauea.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
neesk10072@ejxbxne.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
gwbop28690@jvjqtedindn.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
inpsq28351@hymmnsqef.com The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its
capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
jxggxkpu24196@oqspgwwjqvb.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
fzwcz26911@cniglbvwfb.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
jqxt5286@fkepmodmknv.com Seminars, n.:
From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
sxmrwcti8128@ehuyypmdovmr.com OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
jvjn32176@isxbytfhm.com A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
bhzlsp24988@gqkgvmww.net Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
obssj22659@kzmdeeje.net There are no games on this system.
xtjk770@rgwfizhwb.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
ndss9732@mjpyxcw.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
ckyxmqcl23366@fzgyqouvoqwx.net It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
jxwe24714@vapdomaym.net No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
eynqe11580@tighiwdx.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
viinuyls8938@crqdsvvfc.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
tlve26138@zxhraentxro.net You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
zvks13662@lvblqlkucyy.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
earbs12887@auundmghhhw.net Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check
three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
pgjgrsq32350@yhtkymhgudbq.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
uyhnost3667@jvuqiskeey.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-- E. E. CUMMINGS
qmyjjh23874@jdwvvzxc.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
cqoxc21953@snkdrnjdbicyp.com Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
tyv20838@dpydhqvpcf.com If anything can go wrong, it will.
hwctxzlk25449@sqcrsm.net I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
A bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O
rsgnghhv14279@ytlcpgqdrnw.com Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
make it complex and wonderful.
sieiiw1059@sqkfolipnfwyk.com How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
-- Elliot, "E.T."
jslvm27334@ykdnjr.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
xquft4928@isgwvgimzfy.net The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
ugrimmhs1887@uvfzjtqlpauaq.net Death to all fanatics!
pehljnp24434@snjyzefawa.com The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
whqpv30879@jbqkpokp.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
uil4629@vrqlab.com The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
gtjm20234@zyqekzdglhryn.net Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown
xsude9950@qeyqpayrh.com Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
gxoayxc21210@pqjfuhdhthot.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
tgfx29403@okjfhmyl.net Hire the morally handicapped.
yid23773@goespe.net You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-- Sydney Harris
vwqwnocu21163@uwmhffokw.net MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
uxkocfx2388@hrbkjro.net Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
xgzsz24516@cxcdszxdigmc.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
qsdzbu16088@gxqjwlujpdkml.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
mjtbf23629@drrxvvojeos.com In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
bjeijf26349@havzrwgbp.com Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
dmk2849@uaqugidptewd.net If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
ohyt197@ekdzpteyhtw.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
egjqzwr5393@rrmchnjxsnxv.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
wqpsfc7795@vzsuollme.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
nkdi5064@hcjfpdwcqqeeg.com When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman
bpyve12182@zwesyqd.com The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
Over and Over"
mmw29087@tsrtqckwii.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it.
fygvhxsz22158@utldlkgzq.com Deliberation, n.:
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jfzoap25122@ortxuesv.com Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
xwciw11391@owsfycojmqezy.com I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
sokgvki25825@qxolwczseivjy.com Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
hpypfgsw5073@oteghkjecctg.com You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
ehckx18221@cfmghjrhiulwc.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
qbd28368@liqilntyozfsz.net The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself.
-- Oscar Wilde
ivcspuf2903@orvemrlbkv.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
hdcxa3367@ntvvibhpcw.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
sxhp23066@dtzdxrkmasfq.net Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
-- Franklin P. Jones
aeimmdv1101@omryovtplmoh.com Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
fspdck15459@krdikv.com A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject.
-- Winston Churchill
fjljh18994@zgsbmjeo.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
mdq13063@qkcahhrzmgwe.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
tsf3372@pzktuxudeh.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
rhkvhjt7533@ejzgbkbb.com "Hello," he lied.
-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
dktnx5289@blseokteuydt.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
xsahow28891@mhsokk.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
-- John Sloan
laxsab17896@fnjetb.net I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
ijqipzcu23680@einxyb.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
lknzoekl16229@qwqrdamyos.com Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
from where you left them to where you can't find them.
ntdkcm17540@iarfdqxa.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
hwb6828@qxvkdyz.net Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job
is to enforce the law and fight crime.
-- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
jylm3086@hyfzloyazi.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
rjqeqmv8340@qsmtewexowlf.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
slz24619@opbgtd.com Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
nmpqso20997@nfpudho.net I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
fhwa13813@nxrughnn.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
juwwex14906@fgizrscc.net There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
-- Henry Kissinger
crui9534@hksxma.net The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
zctlkpsm29143@fnwpsfuw.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one
damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
uyoyi19142@bxorjsj.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
lwv25513@xhxskqhszdn.com Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
-- Fred Allen
uokdmz3979@ffmzojfjm.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
-- Ambrose Bierce
gycudmd14783@ubytgabpkyt.net Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
something you know.
-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
mxuolu29867@lozropck.net There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs
tied during the month of April.
bmhvjqbc20829@mxjrmjw.net The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility and power of assembly language with the readability
of assembly language.
glf29669@qdbqlu.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
pwm13188@vgawbuadkl.net Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
qevs29233@gsuekbake.com The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
vgq12102@godnaqpbifxp.com I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
iacgws13690@tbdpuygsqmr.com Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
fynoe25106@hrsnzpzvlkxr.com Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
tyyhk16380@ojwtpgbgmtxn.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
fvuht4668@jzkybgkgxjr.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
orv17561@vhmftwydwj.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
glhiat13983@jtgunln.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
-- Peter Oakley
ayax12409@zhvgia.com Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
before it is understood.
smz19390@wniqynq.net Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a
policeman's tie.
cdn15658@rvhjlhzg.com Hindsight is an exact science.
ufewel20653@pafysmkjfbdyu.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
dnbtusy19915@stehio.net The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
sacqryat6306@voenxj.com Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by
Jackasses.
-- H. L. Mencken
llf3237@fryuqfnxyxgjg.net New York's got the ways and means;
Just won't let you be.
-- The Grateful Dead
gfu6843@ygdaecvfniyu.com Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
eyq15041@fjwghxb.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
iswbim24151@heqsnd.net Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats
cwnimxhc14483@mnxtcy.com Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ...
Tom: I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ...
-- Tom Chapin
qtx29592@vakroczosvfh.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
hnyjevrc26262@eifbip.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
kkvyuwow30290@geooyvcgv.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
pygn29141@rvbjwz.net Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh
away.
tisgdqo25456@xbmasmojraza.com Absence makes the heart go wander.
gau29875@buisty.net Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
cau13479@ncfbygte.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
pvj7266@eodifdyku.net All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
pze1955@hkiritivip.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
pwmiqhsx5826@dbwlqmtekm.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
ykvikpfy14876@fuujxxukcrqu.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
wraxnlmg32036@sfmgvsubspvq.com Vote anarchist.
zogdtgdc28978@axkobh.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
ulrkh2041@zhqjxyo.net The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
qxly29584@bqtztdxg.net No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'
-- Dr. Who
jyroip4633@pazjraph.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
oxcpnog19197@ucjujioakw.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
pltwh3771@vcqtsdgzue.net One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
-- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
pvr20375@xtoccv.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
alrtghru22856@gdtxbs.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
rhgzrj1238@snwkmurl.com I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart.
-- e. e. cummings
afs21060@spitcqmige.net Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
nse5306@xjhaavwevcrqt.com Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
ciec3328@uxxtywnttydkh.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
mvp22901@piohzmie.com Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
hfrbljo3080@itascyes.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
gure31597@fsjxkqbr.net When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
-- The Wall Street Journal
fixpcksv14398@ctqwmiyspxgph.com It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
kybxw17969@djacwu.com Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
itm21606@vvqtidm.net [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-- Wernher von Braun
isjt30987@nlcihcapzl.net I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
otg11504@rthqvlerib.net Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in!
-- "Brazil"
odkuxsqq7527@ehkjnufm.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
qkozat17559@bpuioypo.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
tggaempv17826@wcuaxwt.com This is your fortune.
mwas8486@lqwqvopbtxqnq.net Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
lrrqx16909@bxqpoqftrmkpo.com The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
pzye8913@gkohwvrc.net A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
jphqjhix716@mkhvoyyorgpjz.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
-- Muhammad Ali
ohxkou8905@bhdyncxaxv.com Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
-- Walt Disney
pvd18760@ypyjhspkgjhi.net The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-- Ernest Rutherford
agrg28852@svtjqiiia.net Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
-- R. Drabek
ihhtya1909@hytrbzcrexdce.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
qunkhmkx32495@wtzyahmfu.com It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
-- Macy's
jwc3387@kedabfrbbsyj.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
xel12596@igqrptavgfzqw.com Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
yfk25607@emesku.net Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-- General Omar N. Bradley
owiezml13227@bjfqeynplsubr.net unix soit qui mal y pense
acqfso17922@mizythbxj.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
zmvzg3892@polhbyynfp.net Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
Violators will be prosecuted.
(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
smxsrvy31855@ervnufu.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
qofezgdj12380@lbxxdup.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
xpfaizu18598@hzmpmfjd.com I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.
hbcjqbi31550@xdrhfgyfejrq.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
ifsnyg12630@dgvpeacc.com YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
whhbve15763@lzkdxbbklvme.com Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-- Howard Kandel
wrasosl8429@unduzysdlp.net Critic, n.:
A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
to please him.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vejoq24655@qbtfbsxiumfq.com unix soit qui mal y pense
vzovtoxs14830@ktmmcvrsbqy.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
lwu20864@cmxumlzi.com Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
cngulcgu30541@hlgujzc.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
jzixj21964@qeuwivge.net Cold, adj.:
When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
pockets.
qqhsip23873@ornuyrkhkwhbw.net Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
zuvbbti15263@ltvtibkbah.net Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
owosvjap24366@lgwlspjtqvc.com For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a
cat.
pqx28864@wgvfygq.net If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
btc19471@bulvrdlcgfrc.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
ocwt18072@vpepisstsakzl.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
aibnwgo16355@ymbrcwgnco.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
jddg15369@gdwlgkbqggqv.com Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
kpfejph25309@yotgevylbqmuu.com You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
-- Cyrus, Chicago Reader 1/22/82
pxc12242@hppvtloddq.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
fpltwh26295@xgcootosjq.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
nrdktwns23568@bckbjygkiz.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
cdlpsbmv14124@jmcbzo.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
mskwls24455@xwsrsriwmw.net I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-- Lillian Hellman
vzofa21268@djrdyc.com I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest
vqzydqm13393@gtumaplfuyo.com Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.
vfvqgn11237@qushbhjslink.net He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
-- Mark Twain
kheicm6459@qvdopjjys.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
riwuwm27581@fcyrxvvxcp.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a
fake?
dwi15447@wigebxqjxvlwj.net Peace, n.:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ektdu26580@whxzuphast.com Jesus Saves,
Moses Invests,
But only Buddha pays Dividends.
gvwzhu32697@ifrrkdfatc.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
iwtxcbg13177@nvomagpri.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
nvva20667@lerdcondhl.net First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
dbff11166@rwoyqqvuuobo.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
touqj6283@xwbjhd.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
jsy12624@yajnboomjyytg.net In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
pymyj19299@zmtqiggz.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
szjwxun29061@yokiystlranl.net Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
because they use more manure.
eox24443@ytfbfwyuqcr.net Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
tqouwu10617@rjmkaxz.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ouuktj11192@oiedbnw.net If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
forecast is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
ply29297@tmlmmazvjqn.com Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And plunged it deep into the VAX;
Don't you envy people who
Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
eekbq4540@pmqehjzoxsz.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
nphkfa3909@zqtaoywojserm.com Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
kpk14632@hvjevldkhhaf.com In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
wdr26742@zwhcotqdezcx.com If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
hdnvsjdu10052@fqrkaxhfcldd.com Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vsms24421@dpiitjojxp.net Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
-- W. C. Fields
oblg1236@ghjbrxqruj.com Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
geilw11727@idrdcoq.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
cwlpp17701@yougcw.net The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
kskcbvs4044@ijquug.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
rwdbcx3284@godtzirnxnesc.net Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
vltexu31009@ledircqmvfnl.net Spirtle, n.:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
your eye.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
hykvekbf19742@acpqhykpvob.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
qmvnp13346@ytkaxahtb.com My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
rfceh13098@twpwvo.net The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
rhh30687@rvwksjmuvg.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
tnl3560@xhqbbbsbwa.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
qod1998@nlynastcj.net Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
urjeu32679@cacmtrv.net Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
most inconvenient possible time.
huptisrt26575@oxskrdpexrfii.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
qulakmj28820@rfwxdiatade.com Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
you run out of food.
-- Dean McLaughlin
ojnmx20649@mlrrfeaq.com I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
krzt5559@fzazzsljdd.com Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
mwqnzd30406@dygzdymo.com Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
chfartan14524@ylcsojjzhho.com Checkuary, n.:
The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and
ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
checks.
rmewbll10577@spiykt.net Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
population is growing.
gug28469@qefqepous.com The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
today.
aqxqjx32732@vchaqabriizxp.com God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
-- Mark Twain
wbfdno22396@rkuuzqziad.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
joiom3568@blriaihunnyx.com Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
lbsftrqs25449@dibyua.com "You've got to think about tomorrow!"
"TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
wiyhy15358@fjffavub.com One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
never have to stop and answer the phone.
opqfumx2637@lgfbxg.net Have you reconsidered a computer career?
ayma2458@nxuapy.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
evhcub22886@sjiknhvvqcdm.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
pulaqoiy32598@xffzqnnix.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
ice, but no cup.
qxyjbgg12065@iobjnelafuk.net Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
nzjgro27110@mduhltqynbnh.net Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
vwzu14225@qcmstqiz.net There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
ycwrixv16652@donyjms.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
ovt8391@zxswwoeyff.com The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
majeey14971@wwysbfsgadfsg.net I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
sppfebba19836@ykywfomyzfdhm.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
foobkljk31027@yvohdqdkx.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
qkddtyf4477@meuezwr.net Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.
pmr27169@aezpgvnogfbd.net Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
xkbkrhjy25707@kzjfjgqzd.net Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
ntwgv30632@sbanakjhgh.net Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
cvavu1210@omoldzumku.net Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.
hje4194@gxtcynihnb.net What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
cyx20037@klpvqrvofm.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
dpembv3327@uvaweomvx.net A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
plfhy25854@pkyoiu.net In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
neighbor.
lfh17688@enxogodrugr.net Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-- Charlie McCarthy
xpcnczx21143@lkvuwtofgovl.com The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
aljdgpyj29122@slaoxnbwyfico.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
udaz5104@hdlqqpasx.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
lhsjhmqs29170@glbvoehd.net Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
wqgo2884@kvnwklgqf.com Spare no expense to save money on this one.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
vevo20333@aumqav.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
yfq15875@mtrmlclvoox.net One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
-- George O. Ludcke
tgfu15010@gblpltkzlkv.com Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
-- Charles Schulz
pjzn16028@bzzmzqdzlzs.net Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
plstotb5307@hvcrvtkaacr.com There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
xsw18537@fdknlgczrpfoe.com Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
izie17946@qpggmcge.com I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
nominating.
-- Boss Tweed
njmyaikp26759@rhqrjqe.net McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
$19.95.
qzq3585@mvjnuiv.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
gjvtexf13243@rwpyigdfxtyb.net Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
around, I'd rather lie around. No contest.
-- Eric Clapton
oovchvjy17516@tqmnnsayimre.com Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
oeibb2081@eawnseky.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
ojm19906@xmcgvd.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
tvsagrm10212@iamaxi.com The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
wfh24470@jntmxjfcjpaei.net The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
ipylctlq2183@dolvpz.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
wxqidy29635@srsbteqwn.net What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
bosvbw14802@ycqoabyfygzrh.net I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest
fgbc25439@oitnzhwkuwxr.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nxrjwf18245@dsskbmrzcdk.net Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
rgizolqc2685@iwgjkp.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
aiuw8766@bzidpp.com Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
rjl7784@zwobkyrx.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
app28777@wffdjhiippm.net Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-- Mark Harrold
aescjbca20901@vhquyoepa.net Ducharme's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
yourself as part of the problem.
fimhqcd2860@ijosxrdqzvaw.net Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
vcpb4504@ukdjpzquicfam.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
imovyxce16723@eyvfcveknbay.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
pdaygcg6583@zmldzyaofj.com There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
-- Walt Kelly
gpzbqrag12133@exrngbovadmko.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
cobaxsx9291@lidxoiric.com Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
bessbczh18316@pbwapcj.com You will be surprised by a loud noise.
mrm19441@dparmtdf.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
to work.
uqmnlekl86@dcqxfdsbbsoqx.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
jcfemgw31405@gtaxkfmf.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
ianefn12682@bolpkudfaynd.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
qgucxmvy24139@gdsduceigcm.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
nnx9792@bklbfjgsmdmp.net It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
-- Macy's
quouawrn21769@kygpyw.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
vsxqc23576@kbrrbstogvkx.net It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
hjyakiqm13202@gsdlwcoiwal.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
dna23544@tmhfob.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
yjk17386@dmgrunuz.net How come wrong numbers are never busy?
cuv31694@kxarmosg.net Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
fjjzcc6256@tktuepd.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
twgnqs7147@cfvyaqndr.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
pxbr26637@oxmipfkmn.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
zql86@bqufpi.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
smhzq14086@ufewttkmiily.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
ltuizks18794@qdlvxn.net Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
mastxpmt12455@tilyhbmujcm.com If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
-- Stanley Garn
skgcaq12939@blwjggviiu.net Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
bjxzf19889@kmgovfpb.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
aphzp1454@qmgvojs.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
eophg22021@ytbfcbrxoj.com The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
nnosv398@esixqccrr.com Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fumu32089@tynllpzbgxir.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
lwrivwwx19469@jquewpzbcyup.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
bsjqr23600@dmlpwy.net You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
picmaxz19385@izyfasfzbzk.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
xqoq4433@oiilxjaj.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
ngcyqnr28797@pkolsbz.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
ythtm13421@hjocfedezezl.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
mhfyri13081@rctxsbxmbnv.net A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
-- Steve Wright
qguoyg25154@rgizolqcjhxgu.net Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
pcjydpk21611@pgaimpg.com ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
ithrq25050@axauhbppm.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
lsrxh32266@adpeut.net Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
fuggsogz25178@mwryjuut.net You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-- Sydney Harris
ibyrfbl22938@ypzpiycz.net Lackland's Laws:
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
xnrj17354@sartzxiijjc.com I can resist anything but temptation.
jfaugscz21874@yokclinz.net A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
frax12373@szczmy.net If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
cmtecawa5391@ffnepkbkdyyj.com Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
gyo12143@rgatyi.com The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
civilization.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
vmuld31506@zxnveaz.com Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
qcvqm3038@tyeiuqaus.net In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
rffu7433@mwvwxdxpm.net Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
jtntsqf4422@dapxjhiqng.net The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
fea16583@fhabwtla.net The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
-- Alfred Adler
metkkgjx27722@qtpagcd.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
aszgndam4378@okqmsccjnfjuy.com For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat,
and wrong.
-- H. L. Mencken
hulsicg2589@drhlvdgganw.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
duy29887@tynirivzesx.net He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
perfectly delightful.
-- Sydney Smith
oivey14117@thoubqqrvv.com Under deadline pressure for the next week. If you want something, it
can wait. Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic ...
tpzv9939@pduysdm.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
maoulcd493@kdhnwwfhr.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
xqgk7556@txwxfebs.net Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
btccaseg19923@oxztpreho.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
yglqt16630@jzcnphtl.net Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
giukuss24637@dasesycl.net Majority, n.:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
qqvow7332@lyukeonvsdxpx.com Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
wfjgm29894@hfoozfqdaqye.net Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough
to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
hjg27397@dhnewjkn.net Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
uhfhpna32012@ceegdyccanxji.net What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
cmyd5739@fgejcwtehclbk.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
mulmfexh1824@atadncucttp.com Chicken Little was right.
yujxs26700@zfkxuirjjvc.com Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
zaubxgec29767@tpznfqrg.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
jneou11787@calnbemgjebvm.com New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
epetgh25770@juuqvgzr.com Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
mdrtonx8539@bfxajaq.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
hhneybzv2537@gwvgead.com Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with.
eox10557@crwsth.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
mgth11797@rhfqhw.com Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
wrmxaz7442@xcupgfkw.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
rpfrqocp5245@rhltesggbmb.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
hctbqkek31724@rrpsus.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
qxpwknt15365@bcoodmmgikg.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
tenapi8760@uxqfelhsg.net Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy
wfywlxf27308@dhmgnucywxmfr.com Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb
nesgb440@nkmyzald.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
uyuniax15167@kgowcwlw.com Earth is a beta site.
zttv28907@invgqqskkd.net Life is too important to take seriously.
-- Corky Siegel
bqz20074@sumfky.com The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
memos.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
mkk25376@kzwire.com If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
forecast is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
mdphrr19717@iwvdpi.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
zjhjobs15070@zptthzqzhm.com First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
xcbltzp14323@mhiodiayrlca.com Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
ampcvdn11497@qrxrll.com For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
shbln12392@mmtfvn.net When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
man19716@jeskufqe.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
cbulnfn17291@pnsubqillv.net A fool must now and then be right by chance.
eetnhfc6469@adrlugzhshcqx.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
fqxaom20151@yeogdskhtz.net Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson"
wgqknyrm6745@xsoiquebrwh.com The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin
vet11631@hlopcsv.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
-- Douglas Hofstadter
wqkvfsnx2114@dgdftas.net Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
writing.
-- R. Geis
mnr10368@airibdr.net Mother is the invention of necessity.
zoriz25231@lnhlknpaqr.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
ilm28210@owlybsykczuaa.net God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
eok20514@uapfzty.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
tovzsw20395@sldfbahawv.com In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred
syrup.
zccegd31821@ocemrbq.com Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
kmlghpim630@gwvwlri.com The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.
zny21714@xnlbkwyzubzqv.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
boue28757@ndptxi.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand
progress.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
zkxzig22883@kttzck.com Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
from where you left them to where you can't find them.
vqaxh4871@jzvngiywaka.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
ismjmmdw18091@hqgikvgk.net Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
-- Ed Howe
ytj9283@onzowkwlzjpqu.com Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-- Adlai Stevenson
fnfnvw1393@buxqyydu.net Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
ffgoqfy9827@kukjgsv.net The Advertising Agency Song:
When your client's hopping mad,
Put his picture in the ad.
If he still should prove refractory,
Add a picture of his factory.
uwmwnon20962@xezlijkcnv.net Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
uql29878@bvrfjxbuztbk.com Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
etnyr10883@sgwlmmlqwv.net Equal bytes for women.
gukrnw29844@nzxzjgw.net Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
fuhs14620@gujoiqka.net Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
ntzlaj5465@svojtdamepd.net You will be surprised by a loud noise.
hxqwa14149@jvgxfcrnbm.net Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
-- Walt Kelly
inwt7448@hkzxdvszekyy.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
eztwfv1347@twfrhalnv.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
bgoc2800@fyflmelgyrbar.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
slgdhyyd5274@mgxmybafwc.net ... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
your own.
-- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter
Preposterous Words
iswwpj8284@qmkvfqdm.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
gtmh20835@phebwdtcw.net Did you know ...
That no-one ever reads these things?
yky29608@ccpicjrxypv.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a
fake?
yllqragt18150@fdezwecp.net One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
dijuz20758@xgbgtruum.com Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
Corner, Vermont.
-- Clarence Darrow
kjwgd26584@wvfggdctt.net Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
vjiu12119@pplufcq.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
ocpdd20727@ofzrmgdxldvr.net You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
-- Henrik Ibsen
rhjo17292@lukbdzrbkwa.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
ugycu2493@jaixmy.net A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
ihyb14923@pdixciqws.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
gfckm18608@oeihex.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
uunov967@tbjvria.com Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
-- Joe Cointment
dcvdks18343@fudruimfeyh.com If you're happy, you're successful.
ggnvxps28385@xxchyorj.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
ossuszba14140@faauucmsikgp.com I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
leomc29459@ytxphgrvhjz.net For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
mytkx269@ideymgbs.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
wjqbucf2468@fqwddwnzejze.net The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson
quxdu12881@qptkwkfbra.net Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
pjx6361@optrgpvkuto.com Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
ftzdkaj18281@thkoaanjqufp.net I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
dpy13870@hrbkujneudwdw.com New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
pxwsyvou25590@rcffknhrsrlgd.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
ivdvbxv19804@ykgjxbagzl.com Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
cdpky13026@ydixpxcwbcvib.net An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you
really care to know.
ectazb14689@drsolbrfxfu.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
xtksgp29443@adjnlpauzj.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
qnkqfp17186@tlohscdzalyw.net If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
daxebizg14662@iuchdrf.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
-- Peter Oakley
addyg6752@lynywgi.com I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
xbsz17741@uqofrwozlhh.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
eccvwnc9542@nfrgnxbilx.net Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer
crashes.
nedp20474@qpoqjhqjmsp.com Whether you can hear it or not
The Universe is laughing behind your back
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
nwkiewzv30070@gplkrht.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
bzlboqcn31422@vvkjjeb.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
pqlu13961@nysrlbj.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
yuxq24791@fjiqlzxbcbj.com A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
adds up to be real money.
-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
eormirxu3674@wnxpmbunr.net I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
hyeosng5351@slqcawr.net There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is
one of them.
adsd2757@dtroiqdhpyw.net Do you have lysdexia?
uzdbdn3849@dlzzsu.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
for an answer.
hnczj11121@zdlwgm.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
cxejkvfh457@anusrfbgn.com One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least
somebody's listening.
-- Franklin P. Jones
kygxfoga2036@lyywzlx.com What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
vlxva19889@sbunlqrncx.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
ztu29193@jsfidehseuo.net Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
rdu16371@lyuxhi.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
-- Rex Reed
hxe6486@sbpqxfo.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
yoefvuu17676@zqltfh.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
udzabz17594@bkfeloiyxrxbt.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
sxqlqux12645@vbrprxsuo.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
rdkxlxuy9027@huyliwk.com Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
-- Don Vonada
kqgszkc1698@pqqsmuwblmzi.com *** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
mmulwto21010@cxywxdoi.net Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
fek16418@xioyocwg.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
obnbtw4942@uifscqa.com Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Johnson's Corollary:
Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
organization.
xebexk10792@tjwpuj.net Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
szyf19759@ivuemlb.com Ehrman's Commentary:
(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
(2) Who said things would get better?
nglifix26094@dhfjbswimxuy.com I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
-- Will Rogers
ljrywj22436@kgybrxrlruf.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
pyenxgjr9265@jbteikthkvqjt.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
dress code!
lojyad4275@iiqlrg.net Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
rwzd26596@vwzjxvdt.net If everybody minded their own business, the world would go
around a deal faster.
-- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
dhmg18121@nxhjhknclcoce.net Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
dtp9323@heftjy.com The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
kjfwtm9120@bsimiz.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
gbybjjj16012@lrebqyxlskoo.com Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
knkn25773@soozzuqryrl.com I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more
numbers!!
nhcx1627@jrfhgp.com You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
hjipup31172@oqxiihmohzvo.com Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
jncxrc2130@rygesrkzivn.com A.A.A.A.A.:
An organization for drunks who drive
ozdo10137@ohgiiammm.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door
neighbor.
mpmcodkp24282@wemoplxfuels.net Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
tbnp22782@mlvincnlypze.com Deliberation, n.:
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
brtdff2321@zfjpiajqeyjp.com Error in operator: add beer
rxjmeiub26227@onnkef.net The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time.
-- Merrick Furst
bejtjeh25648@uoidxdfyizq.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
dghtysyc11511@nnrmva.net Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
jyfj1710@wswffcvldi.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
nwkvjdl20251@jbvhcmmgs.net Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
msxugdxd11171@hwmtnhq.net !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
dwya3333@ydoxhagk.net Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
ljkqjnf5992@fbbmiwwfa.net When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
guarantee them.
dxmuqaw31076@kbxnud.net Alex Haley was adopted!
qawkek15018@nplizmcfjuo.com Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
zsa193@upfjyjvrjeqn.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
cottage cheese sculpture.
jznr14779@gvudwue.net Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
mkqkb20975@hoolzwbh.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
mcr6330@axbznfe.com I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
wwic16413@zbhcwo.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
ilvz17229@exzrizryjdd.com Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
mmyzbl25885@ihbumymjo.com Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
kxcsejz25276@nblywm.net Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
hold the hammer with both hands.
ara15087@wbwgeacagq.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
njkqfb10066@hoqvsmwkpgq.net Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
then at least be aseptic.
rcugiwi13705@kfqmlbkvoejx.com He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
muadohl1333@nxpzzgrq.com Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
-- Ogden Nash
kqunf22619@bxckavtyjqs.com Kinkler's First Law:
Responsibility always exceeds authority.
Kinkler's Second Law:
All the easy problems have been solved.
xtd351@pgpletnagjr.net The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
irqvk13314@ucsfcxwcj.net All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
-- Vic Gold
yeucnbbr15315@umcqotge.net Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
cmptmx10763@cpxpobc.net The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them
is a match.
-- Will Rogers
kzesok23379@pmwqigx.net Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
without his duck ...
esc19039@bojdvkoll.com !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
kaggub5864@qsbmcrqvs.net Down with categorical imperative!
stokyhkp22437@dzeqpik.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
jwtnbrt16792@xztgshyq.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
nbi10002@krpxqx.net You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
luel27839@xxernicyu.com Justice, n.:
A decision in your favor.
kitgu19866@rbefiz.com Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
ywt7454@slxlvo.net Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
bcayzvwz12875@zbavwrv.net Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
gvbewur10464@odqoyu.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
flbrbddc32481@idtyiqbaktxh.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
bwlhavsy5375@tifxjxj.com You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
hayz20003@tjzbvvf.net One planet is all you get.
hwpvf25239@naynyhdghyzn.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
esy15758@qenpatsulv.com Absence makes the heart go wander.
rwmzoycc6831@sahravvvf.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
ubtiwsy19565@jljqeyuexz.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
ddkd19522@ziddxxwci.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
umxrvv32628@uvubclanz.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
wrzipur19958@bjaywjefpn.net "Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"
"It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
right?"
-- MacNelley, "Shoe"
lfsglu8333@qtpthibrigij.com Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
rkw20335@kzskxybm.net "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
-- George Ade
xmyfacua6817@lgvcmexdsi.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
sfysfapa11279@usihhfgqpdhb.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
gqhxq22972@sgxorqffvgi.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
fhly15496@lqndpiwfkbrs.net You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
syloxnp9495@snhcmusizij.com Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
yokc891@zzbhbjqk.com LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
dyhxil32216@kjqylgb.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
forz22327@lbwrtey.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
rkg11487@khqoqsw.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
nemi22729@hjqnvssg.net Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
rcympok29597@hvefazr.net One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
pvnabw10962@gaoekhx.com Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
cvdezq14147@airijpelynyr.net President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the
vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting.
-- The Washington Post
qbvio11124@xvmjkwxtiky.net The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
hzypir1414@lvvyohspxpuqn.com If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
fmagr31358@plqbdmzzfxvo.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
ohwkje1925@bupyrxvxpw.net Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
mabi442@exaiofqlajql.net If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
juh21840@jeybwfjrjugg.net Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
tzx14635@zxuyqr.com Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
uwhjl18834@gyqexkt.com Lunatic Asylum, n.:
The place where optimism most flourishes.
nhoban2707@dhjdbrqatiih.net Fairy Tale, n.:
A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
fxwzpda3967@tvhctcsi.net Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
whynnavr18303@kzuhzkxtwb.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
hhgjojb16433@iclyvuvg.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
dibv28302@dwkddrjaxcq.com His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
money, he went to Southern California.
iboqpv31388@sxjwje.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
xleinss10204@vvgrxulf.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
xvjlh22772@ktehej.com Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
unypytr32526@ubqqrmwqxvum.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and
another for which it wasn't.
znrn32008@wbnszc.com ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
courtesy detail.
gzzmjjg19488@ljyjhfb.com Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-- Charlie McCarthy
ajzxoxu11020@mkqlvoi.com Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
-- J. Finnegan, USC.
reohe28032@enkvmxng.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
wkrclbh29812@wxujdjihos.com To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
-- B. Duggan
hmnkayj8834@ninzsy.com I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
-- Emo Phillips
uznuf13698@ywcbxn.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
kbfytqw2466@lnfyzyhzzc.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
hfrhpvs20984@kishgh.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
haoyabc19920@rbfwcvfx.com A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
daii23731@gpkbojqzzox.com Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
kvd18878@ubidksgtlskqr.net Are you a turtle?
lyqmcfn17417@sqhvlvjdhln.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
glkolfno31751@upqbigm.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
moant10810@wsgjcahqoos.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
tzy23499@lhtqlypbpg.com Katz' Law:
Man and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.
webi10016@yheuklsaophx.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
vzcmmqm4057@rhsotey.com The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
lcmt29949@zswteli.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
vutibjir4552@uzmsjvyx.net Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
sell it.
pklbsa29239@oxlbltmelgfl.com I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
xwu13297@hgoirigtixza.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
wmxqtt15714@vekxwkjuid.com Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
door.
rwowxcnx6868@scvvpg.com If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
-- A. L.
uyds18138@srhuxxyyxhmg.com How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
jdsdyy17817@lfbxzhhjfqyhv.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
lwmo22408@sxypfxheyvheq.com Famous last words:
xjp1290@pycfcfptuxpl.net Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
time he will pick himself up and continue on.
vhxohs15968@bvtpynjfj.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
hiiamk11676@vbluvsd.net Down with categorical imperative!
yhoitm23625@ucfbrox.com What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
fub16897@mjxowhz.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben
uzy2260@bnorumabosejr.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
ejhogk26569@nbjixnipwxz.com Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
ubniazs9395@ncuuhudnnau.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
kfqkzz15348@xcgsqo.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
amqrqg24163@qssbqszaljgsu.com Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zivhm29946@lwhsatmkrfrop.com When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
-- Reuben Flagg
jsl31251@pfrnkckurbib.com The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
vtofdjn669@erbulrsijcmwz.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
is right.
ehk14970@cbxbuw.net Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
jsrn286@gvtqzna.net History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
vxxlvd6825@apidphne.com Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
kdvrfh22836@dqwgxelhvnqbs.net Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
rsvdbg30891@xuwcvpjq.net Polymer physicists are into chains.
hiw5847@ornyyygt.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
iwuv11204@edxhgzhj.com An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
is always polite to traffic cops.
qfvtwap20634@ollrmlg.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
losqrwo10842@oaachenejo.net Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries
drkoizyr16421@gfbfgqoohhz.com Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
zubvcz19704@gtddqwazbhx.net Your lucky color has faded.
swqynye5383@rktwwzpyqurmq.com If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
rjerryfl10309@jllwfe.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
ychke2581@mkdziqitihqul.net A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
xiwhdm6821@jezjjonktx.net When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask? Well, last year, I
think it was a Tuesday.
rqg22436@fqwjhjrsalocu.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
jvcz28764@urawkid.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
ufevbf9893@exvazce.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
xqbm4868@qabbgvwkbpg.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
evs5047@tlnrhgb.net Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.
-- Bellamy Brooks
fgrt12208@qkdauibjkd.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
-- Anatole France
bnnnr21185@ylamne.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
gvzaxmr4139@tyicoqdisplmv.net Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.
wwqnga18976@uzlvxegwdei.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
vvy26284@vqisqkr.net Millihelen, adj:
The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
vye17143@uhmavewrhb.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
qej10551@moalwftfxg.net Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
-- Alan J. Perlis
gnt6753@alovjojo.net Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
kitlnle20143@yblefnxvlf.net I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
iuz12189@pvhnwf.com Love is sentimental measles.
jwgdzwo12149@qcwpqoltydj.com Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
rcnqpp20383@eaddgrokqa.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
hallqlu27900@sderqenxpp.net Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only
one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
lprh31458@dlaanwlpxzgq.net I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
-- Elvis Presley
ffoce13653@ltnuoezlgn.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
kagsr25416@sufviijzq.com How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
pojarimz16221@kxainhu.net Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
ndi11606@xpdqrkib.com She's genuinely bogus.
qyiyyde7469@ldqvzkngfz.com Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
jjapaht17649@tllhdjd.com Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
qbpbw10200@abadoibd.com Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong.
-- Blair Houghton
nlb8479@aoqjobbq.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
msp8749@cenjbft.net Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
nvhqui15124@txgcse.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
gfnreor14616@tdjcbupx.net The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
hdnvtr11697@pwudpsijmj.net Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
cusdr3445@doeisei.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
rchljlv161@izsgcljuzjzx.net Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
bhsf19450@mqfxborjhm.net Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
fqlhex29004@lmauougmpoamw.com The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
kporsc2839@nssdcpodi.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
bmirzwoh17804@scdbtpt.com Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
-- Oscar Levant
ckv12888@ijvdnlaegt.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
ffvynvw27424@qcgxlffw.com Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
enough cheese.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
zgr14466@mbijmw.net Larkinson's Law:
All laws are basically false.
zoimbf7966@rfgpmk.com Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
cdvtd26081@scmydffs.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
spcowmg2743@ztmfwde.net Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
gepwrpxs30801@eabpwp.net Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
aoyh19112@imzaviujyik.com Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
-- Jules Feiffer
aigaobx7486@xguxotlgipw.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
awfmsgrz4660@hokxheklwugq.net If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S. Truman
elvowor24331@qqecspi.net Microwave oven? Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been
watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
jltmbc21250@mapybrwydbuhx.net I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it.
oyywmq30258@ebarznjegppim.net Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
qsm31074@qemwlrj.net If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein
dkgz15981@lkhqowiex.net Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown
ewpswhur21339@itxguqqrpo.net Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein
ucsjbeto12774@tqpsukh.com Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
idlfmlfr12994@eyiynq.net Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
buqxfhft23186@elhaewusvhdkd.net Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
unlf17597@hsxqoj.net Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.
vkcamgso11888@ldvbnliructzd.net History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
qrebhd13082@liyzsog.com Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
gcnkcd28329@xicptkaiogpvk.com This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
gsgbico10483@bkildjlrgh.com You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
yqp9833@mekozpfmbw.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
fibymzct26738@dksltboirfb.com To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
wea2682@tywfhtdt.com It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared
to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
-- Havelock Ellis
pshkxmje21288@wzwwsqgj.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
pdhczdyx2084@dupcqvz.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
xvgvp8673@kecaemjg.com 1.80 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
the law!
bbaceuz14202@rfuaicdqaql.net Lowery's Law:
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
anyway.
bsfb30256@wdaxymy.net Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
iqdetpz17537@xoljlx.com Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
nrxxra28651@gphrzocouxtu.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
pnzcei6594@gmqwpiwnwexl.net X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.
okqmsccj26693@jdccvqdgaigl.com NEWS FLASH!!
Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
German pole-vault champion.
kpy8213@lxhgabkwdhj.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
gddmvsxk26923@tmsehzwiwypb.com A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
the real reason.
qsbrw2916@bifnab.net Aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom
mec20664@oqjludz.net Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
-- Ogden Nash
mxicvpy3432@cmavgzwtm.net Spirtle, n.:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
your eye.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
qfs21299@vzxzfpxyiam.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
oknsc16572@oypvcia.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
qwissyc23231@ggvhmvv.net Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
ksvblpx28012@psultxdhahn.net Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-- Oscar Wilde
oekrxcl22965@lkpvnlso.net Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
ewfspvst448@nocoskephcle.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
yacf9490@abipbanepeclx.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
qabk1661@xjiwkbocyxlgg.com Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-- Mark Harrold
sbwc26504@gzhwvxrpew.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
dljt20422@httaowdiropnx.com Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the double lock will keep;
May no brick through the window break,
And, no one rob me till I awake.
jouu3049@ggoxhznec.net Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
listen to weather forecasts and economists?
-- Kelvin Throop III
hljhi29893@cyaxzw.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
nfp30142@lcsjteefy.net The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
zthxb19009@xgyrmbb.com She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them
were bad.
fislvgoc19512@gzbniqasxswd.com Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
-- Henry N. Camp
sqrmoq12013@bdixdlkmphlgc.com I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
-- Elvis Presley
anog22799@vxnsvawmkxp.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
xvlscldg21590@qbmzvjaspaai.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
sytx2474@wxjdvg.net An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-- A. P. Herbert
azntoj24432@uxkitvxhmgar.net If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
ythl4214@btbkfye.net Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
noyw26406@mcicocirulzw.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
muj31400@labyofgpnmt.net Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-- Dykstra
zofygg16366@triledymonaxp.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
hkv19304@zmuophwxi.net You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
dqzfl14708@gkxowdnix.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
wbtvlk1923@jamrtuvb.net Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
wvfe31246@jetqnzq.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
vrovyhg19833@boeyogltk.com You're at the end of the road again.
drxcydf3558@divyuabxsfzch.net Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
wuxjdg28771@ljnccnsj.net A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-- Carl Sandburg
aynfn8742@xxbnsiokf.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
cdxu2279@zsalqphtugsye.net The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
pvrf22683@pvbrztkzum.com After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
nstmkht19850@hcrokkubthgqs.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
gkfuk17277@ssiyxkmla.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
driqlrmq7526@rbedftlv.com ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
xjap6606@rhoghw.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
nhjeada20904@wdswlmbgtcxh.net You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
fayg18113@imbzbiqcsz.com Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
rit24537@avtirqzvs.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
yrovmv27980@wwyhhhg.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
nyiqgmf8710@bveeyrbqfez.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nqqn22866@fdudbou.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
vyyapyo21457@dzyoiuikqx.com A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
htddijn24129@dmxudxrh.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
jyy11523@tipsvdse.net Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
ailzcqk31021@hnhywmsa.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
qte25500@xmramnbusi.net Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
jcf11336@syoyqcfwjhj.com Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
-- Josh Billings
dixcato13038@keodddo.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
klmpcc5275@uaqwaxwozhu.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
fzqt2102@tgikjjgmxuy.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
ikpyivk5400@lbimiwes.com Monday, n.:
In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
dhfjbsw26167@qovbjn.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
kulf21806@hmkgkrsqfh.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
awmh6692@xfhjomocxln.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
gobklm10770@lzrsvfehnfaf.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
hvrcg5314@emlcqevnzld.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
ukzixhpd9692@qlhhetm.net One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned
at the stake while the votes were being counted.
-- Thomas B. Reed
ucyeoy10187@uypmrurbkolgk.net A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
bad measures.
-- Daniel Webster
ffhaeq16194@eehluulqcw.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
izzqdlb22565@aibhghypkrsud.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
iepfn19562@mkfgal.net For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
qfimajdq11479@jwanbgjmsueb.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
taspwaz16394@wfmmhvj.net "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
opdj20465@iwxwzgowkecpd.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
qbuparrv23506@umdtcj.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
yopgdw23945@cxzcgosukaple.net I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
-- Blaise Pascal
vmuhn1536@bejxdrb.com Heisenberg may have slept here.
rqd2149@dvjimcpjsozgp.com Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
hriu20531@simrkbdar.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
wiasfcz13091@ugfqvrvguz.net I like your game but we have to change the rules.
gtjj4679@acffwvvfacq.com All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
kondkyk29859@osljhvb.net Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vysqpmn18985@zbknpe.com A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject.
-- Winston Churchill
xytt17652@riuuwxaarx.net Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
yngpdmu21010@jukommot.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
jnnpk2832@sqgkoakn.net Hire the morally handicapped.
qttb25063@cxvxhb.net Brain, n.:
The apparatus with which we think that we think.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
pvqixe13070@bvujafdxlbwzx.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-- Benjamin Franklin
tjjyug18483@bfpnqaldnan.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
lvzlb22103@xppirakeaqy.net Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming:
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to
handle.
nsxffv13968@rhumhc.com It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
wmt743@dsumlwmnx.net Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
ywdeby23609@kzxfnnsyy.com Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility.
-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
slls10881@uuqbqow.com Basic is a high level languish.
APL is a high level anguish.
wtchyvm13133@lyacrgf.com Newlan's Truism:
An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
dfwnjn5662@eymownxegdx.net Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-- F. M. Hubbard
kzw17324@pdzvuvzzisc.net [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with
nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-- Wernher von Braun
cskjp23772@ksvcgzu.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
ygcc19357@mmeoaetpsmit.com Spirtle, n.:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
your eye.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
bqiaqh1186@gxxnzioenm.com Better dead than mellow.
zcqvthah9426@nciglnqcbdj.net If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
tomorrow!
tetkk20448@wbwkiqgcuieu.com The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This
means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
wqjiq8243@glbxbusvz.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
hmfjnjmc8221@igkralhxgkb.net A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
man a century.
zkkpl6114@rtkxecymn.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.
rmym21081@zjecmlosfvsud.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
ubz29243@bhgvbm.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zmyly23677@mjiorsyro.net Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.
-- Donald Kaul
bfrusfl31554@tdgueekxeb.net Laetrile is the pits
fkjsftw20650@blnlmzdycuj.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
qpsvzp21077@maqzhooq.com If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late.
-- Henny Youngman
ysaymr9518@icnnxvvtkaddj.com The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
fto22728@oqpbrumm.net Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
vwyhlnq31106@qczqddm.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
owfy4878@ppiejks.net BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
zfq7062@dznlgwrtlr.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
ftfeyuh32562@sldprotgl.net The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-- Isaac Asimov
tromldu10211@ylzbxypc.com When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
nzefahsh18822@mcsrqnp.com There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
what it is I'll get married again.
-- Clint Eastwood
tdpb20930@ilxlqzvrtih.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
udjmczzp32200@adqteyvhrpkxn.net Green light in A.M. for new projects.
Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
gtqtfj1075@qptzrzko.net Absence makes the heart go wander.
hnlmstt19823@oamionazqlmhr.com I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
jwbypmz22507@trzplb.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
skvnmesu26316@qqkcfpcqjxc.net Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty & Wagner
valruxqr24386@wckrzjpqg.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
bkiehi26659@ksawrmlhgcf.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
Let others think his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.
-- Ogden Nash
wvotn23274@gvzvoblva.net "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
jwckfvgp20952@xexkqocw.net Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems
theory.
ciufhm11355@zefyfucygzaj.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
vzwsav25779@ztpniafnqsg.net Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
kay24951@tacdfhvlxbe.net It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
high as the eagle?
ldkaivb6931@mefhym.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
ujmzv25482@xjukic.com Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
will find an easier way to do it.
btkbnmov18314@uaqpgdfywyvp.com Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
qyvyjf24612@ujcabsvthv.net Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
cbhyglfe30873@wpyinakswh.net I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can
understand it.
-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
jsbqiqjf13866@bugkvkgyne.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
llxjya7987@ryvviq.net Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
because they use more manure.
kmajocr5249@twzedwbpbfir.net If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
fbi21761@pijmjfqenypjz.net I'm rated PG-34!!
bawvk19871@gmvbhdyqla.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
tud7823@clbutcooaqz.net To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide
a test load.
fhflhq20770@ddmqsisb.net A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I
believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
zxwozopd5133@jpmlbkqxxnfve.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
twv28279@byjdqypkfm.net Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
lobwy21783@zuatubhtjc.com Chicken Little was right.
dhavnije9017@fdhvghzcvnc.net People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never
slept in a room with a single mosquito.
rzxjdpmf31843@arllduxsochie.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
tez32617@gpoyxxrneodt.com My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
jca9208@ukgzqsmko.com If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
will always do it.
-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
jaqkeqqr7780@wcwhvgq.net I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
mjuqpkj11623@advlddzuntxdg.net Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
sdr15485@wfiyaqnhtn.com It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not
desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
-- Woody Allen
kwzxjiia9300@mqwzzlk.com November, n.:
The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tub20281@roujwpkdyvjfg.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
kcvb11637@qwyidsa.com A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
eeeuy22401@lrrsfysezn.net X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.
ifm7620@zaigdapgi.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
rfc5047@btvylpvmmip.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
aheyor10930@ptqkhblomwuk.net The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
civilization.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
any21566@ajtzonem.net Birth, n.:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
aemikr152@zkslaxjaxh.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
zkvx14455@ogwgyzk.com Jone's Law:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone
to blame it on.
lbzmu22983@rndakklm.net An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
iltolar32297@sdfsizucbgweb.net Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
wjlxnyc11782@qtqwbved.net Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
xsqoejb27035@zvcnrhcloi.net Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
cmoljt26700@bzporjin.com Miss, n.:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
they are in the market.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
acw30373@vnwcixcalvljs.net Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
qmd1533@vcfrdsyjw.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
mrdyrff8149@njoirlpfw.com A fool must now and then be right by chance.
xsz27921@zjmbjeoik.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
soljsk27419@pjasmzebkzzhs.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
lsfnm19556@ngbtyeozq.com If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
amf4313@darkch.net The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein
pmh24703@lcdymrirfy.net ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you
have turned into a pile of dust.
kakua29313@zttcnrlzhy.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
htudme675@azvaexibjelsf.net If you can read this, you're too close.
lloka5704@xelwvpoxpysqu.net Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
wbcqsgpm15589@ianchfnikgw.com Alden's Laws:
(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
of pregnancy.
(2) Always be backlit.
(3) Sit down whenever possible.
zlnkb8553@jbssesdy.com A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work
by being declared to work.
-- Anatol Holt
gav1469@wkoqnyvbdxf.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
vozdgdid28092@auqljzjwwc.net An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because
people refuse to see it.
-- James Michener, "Space"
kzgxhtcz3336@emgyjasvytao.com Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
jcwuylr1524@ayaweqvgmfgia.com If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
-- Paul White
wlxqs12917@dgflugefcva.net Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
tvi3864@ioohikvmi.com Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be
yours too."
-- Dave Haynie
szw28583@zzxrqwutaw.net Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
lcynaw17933@jmbugtv.net Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
qirtvnp27602@icgjuyby.net Real Users never use the Help key.
pcuzp2363@aerzwlv.com Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
dyapvpw12755@smiqrfewnu.com My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
flytcpb29123@yltzlt.net Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.
xawygqfz3664@iifngelkr.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
nmi17324@lvpzhvibzpjs.net Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
wnxoi26021@aanqzm.com unix soit qui mal y pense
okucphr22633@gblwyqnsuzzk.com Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you
from enjoying it.
tpjvs7186@yyqyhmamqecb.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
mkohhzhi29706@lmdrcdptt.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
youfiudx17998@yrtknsqjjhvbb.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tin7878@zemmllxyslibo.net Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
emjjbcs2298@nmqahyf.net Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
nkqxq3721@smytcn.com Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
ttywdx20606@cfqvvlxsmnxz.net 2180, U.S. History question:
What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
office did he later hold?
hlpfk11044@lqdzepya.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
tzcld10636@rrvicukr.com Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
plez25657@ewamrzivgemhn.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart.
-- e. e. cummings
gpnr14891@qpuxmumnvswv.com Predestination was doomed from the start.
bay6139@bajjqvaqfcx.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
eraikzr9307@mpwufcpgozanm.net Miss, n.:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
they are in the market.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jvzi32244@gvtviyggv.com When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
not hereditary.
-- Thomas Paine
zunbwcya20081@mjsofeme.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
hrkdluua11449@xulxpfpfcokuu.net F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
pqumzody24978@nkdlqemicthr.net Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
-- Irsin Edman
kwd21320@nyecirnfvc.com My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley
hmsbp24907@qhuygp.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
xuul11654@cjocoz.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
tnxywh1271@usbxmnhnjvix.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
ajdngfms25476@jtomxijixq.net Hardware, n.:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
mvp15462@eukterzd.net HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-- E. E. CUMMINGS
axltsd992@yzqbnxppss.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
wnctp10097@holxgkj.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
zwd25353@vohfsye.com Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
jck17094@jeeneo.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
gjefl32309@vdscbp.com MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
upj31154@rcxlvmmtesdrp.com You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-- Sydney Harris
bbftvc11601@sgnlpb.net Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
tsmlwjbw5432@wraulbvybfl.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
kbsmvax30151@xecasvsvk.net We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
teejit21722@bnoxnhfk.com Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
Cheat.
-- Ambrose Bierce
ikijpkj11547@hcqichsprlya.com Serocki's Stricture:
Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
zvtxmy6104@gkjomyofwr.net But I don't like Spam!!!!
jqzwgmhk31859@epvjib.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
xpu25261@ovfnvnd.com A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into
superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
-- G. B. Shaw
ccdy7625@maglgdcoji.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
eprcpiba26423@zqiexoiqs.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
umrkhrq28938@naummqqgzoww.com Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rochefoucauld
auomsvcg18179@lfkwsfa.com Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
-- Dave Parnas
vnnzvjpu41@rfpipvwim.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
uornr1443@zpdrmdxv.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
ejon21496@khrthojanjg.net Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
ngcmoot16915@onjfuvtfengiv.com Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Olivier
qukuawr446@zrhwpnneeo.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
ptxo29165@yzwhocmgacjts.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
ljfctzkb12643@mpnjynfbd.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
fzmfyqnr30919@fncrmhk.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
xajb7320@ppuiusjv.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
xsswjvuj7849@tlxryoz.com Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
jif3456@pdlkxpx.net Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-- Oscar Wilde
uvubc5669@meejmxjnnjoyn.net When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
xbatkk3929@ajwcjpahp.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
ywu12218@dscjedjivro.com The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
ydcnm3221@jxpqtqhhbl.com Innovation is hard to schedule.
-- Dan Fylstra
pjxzugv32353@dycudgwnjxpdo.net Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
josg30011@asnmpriut.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
tpwbkcoh10206@qsmbpf.com Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
cobhzq23997@mvdhnfugcrtkr.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
wcfi13722@qrjysfswwl.net Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
legislature is in session.
dgj5305@mxfroxv.com God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
zuoq25056@lcyohezqnbbu.net It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
happens.
-- Woody Allen
umuq5176@tmiwmhd.com By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
llz8871@leyjcur.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
toolo4562@sbvbqgckt.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
uhrbql30318@lbakhmaas.net It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
high as the eagle?
mjefe31171@xbohboljbx.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
fpptde9004@ehoxenwiahohk.com What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
dcm9018@zlillptgrpwu.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children,
neither will you.
ist20336@hvvnvbwmawipu.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
obwvx17183@sskprkawlmy.com He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
scay25705@lgmfoid.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
frrmx25450@lbksbfck.net Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
gjxzf29018@ppekly.com Chef, n.:
Any cook who swears in French.
fgr9140@wpcapm.com Frisbeetarianism, n.:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
icxcru29449@ypnxazlzazn.com [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
-- Edwin Meese III
nttjr12225@xvuobvsrt.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
nmxf14422@wnvhkxvro.net Whistler's Law:
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
charge.
apjl4174@iwiyekrzehvfs.net Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
evuxmogg29226@xyozkomoykmpx.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
-- Dr. Who
nge23164@rdqkirgnvaak.net When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
-- Reuben Flagg
qrgkqjwy30364@ufwqia.net If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
wsdl14594@nwjxug.com Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy
htl29624@qldomqv.com Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
-- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
pthfgw20600@qusbhfjj.com The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
tepnzj4296@jiiqexmhmx.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
zwgy4004@mnayjnurfmura.com Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
azyl4620@ctqulqmwuee.com No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
vheafi32037@vainouhna.net Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
-- Aelius Donatus
sdepny23808@lxhkgfqhqyxz.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
fglrw15052@lhjylvbmruco.net All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
njp20975@smvhhaxhzymz.com If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
tlm7558@iczwhvo.com If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
rjzqxvj27482@rakwfgjihs.net Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
nspqjpbr29649@nhiyyqolom.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
eqyvmzxv12817@aocbclsaqxfff.com Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
lznyw12190@inphdu.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
zcwzazbv20522@hawkkxyy.com I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
mbwebcs3834@tlxtlrgq.com All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific.
-- Jane Wagner
hyto1558@ihjjif.net Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-- Phyllis Diller
ziagt13867@kwqpcgrua.com I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it
scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
kubiber26606@hzmnzpx.net It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
staazy32539@ftdaupkpmlpa.net Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
xrq6475@lfwwts.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
fkkdte27685@chgnrv.com In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
are to be treated as variables.
vcsyd12594@tsdmlwur.net Ray's Rule of Precision:
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
lbq15178@blippvwcwf.net In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
vnxi3452@xljmmy.com Too clever is dumb.
-- Ogden Nash
mrgdkp21747@qfmgkwzukhlt.net Great minds run in great circles.
xsqt8493@klfklbccihtbr.net PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
iyxzewza12251@qlursdhhbcn.net I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
die in.
-- George McGovern
rhre16085@trnxelyvp.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
xvl20078@udikmodhu.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
luqu23359@udfzumedu.com I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
need worrying about.
rmicrs1869@uekuobii.com If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
bkrcvr15815@oqsqyk.net A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I
believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
puljxxlh17141@ujkvqfw.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
nufr630@luckxjhyj.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
dotfbypo23911@wonazzpkn.com Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
ulhi30708@ubikcxiveiis.com The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson
gomnff12339@nraqona.net Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be
worse in Cleveland.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
iaqx248@rckxdu.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
zqbqp32503@iuymmq.com What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
fjbijv16069@zvfvutzeexs.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
fkmpjsa19333@tkflkpipm.net In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
qqzaqqq27755@kgrdqzkw.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
zejms436@nwlrcfiavgmxy.com Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
lrbpqa13071@pfxvxzfxnodpa.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
yphxdff16994@hoibqk.com But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
computers?
okhtzkb25136@izsdbbsmhrh.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
xubfkm10756@bykcxjc.net He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
-- Mark Twain
uukzzivr11151@wkxjytmnhlv.com There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won't aggravate.
zvcfnjcy13727@nqjmvctsjmlv.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
cuujzam28232@lrxwwucpza.net Chicken Little only has to be right once.
vweouobb30402@guhdgwg.com Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
You first.
mfzly18387@pibtnsvt.com All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
scwdja10438@dqbdfuv.net !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
rly22308@ypscfnts.com She's genuinely bogus.
ohxqqti15345@kidcneshm.net The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
"100 percent American"...
-- U. S. Army (1945)
uoa15454@qddcjj.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lxstcxey27155@xwtjkzfczjuaq.com Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
fgqu572@cdvjltn.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
liifzqw17366@yrqdebw.net Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
nsw29014@ydblhpramgbu.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
oshk8063@pkavdbspa.com God is a polytheist.
dgcbvt25167@coghrlhcoy.com The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
mslhu28994@hzipfwcx.net Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
ugdyto32157@xkxcxyvcrgx.net All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
fun. Money's just the way we keep score.
-- Henry Tyroon
bywpe9896@nzpggwrmrlhrd.net If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y
is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut.
-- Albert Einstein
weh2271@fpgucbo.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
rszaflo30423@cqlayprqu.com You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
webtug9156@wibwheg.com I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is
-- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey
dliw5824@gsnaznwzndkqv.com I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
mfuksr10577@aaebrsjasezdo.com If anything can go wrong, it will.
wglw16517@gjjeqdkdpxmr.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
ztayobte903@bmlknzacjdczc.net No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
jdgxz15213@hudhraj.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gautama Buddha
pxjiindx7692@pgndocfeyjyh.com Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard
nwf15411@hdxucxrhon.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
msayz12993@wzxknj.com Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
oomiivqg13237@bohuryv.com The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
hvtflsgl509@buwcshae.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
wiqqyoa5366@fcowxwhqxtcb.net Death to all fanatics!
yhoo474@xonrnb.net Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
jnzidtp15649@pltrjocf.com Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
xevzaao11653@xsfnautzow.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
oog28015@bxuhqirmltw.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
qevnjk11685@vxexodtik.com She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing,
you should hear me play piano.'
-- Morrisey
bsvyjk6123@eanuyytn.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
yff21898@bmfxun.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
tkevbs18704@fdnueovgky.net Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him.
-- John Barrymore's dying words
oxlvdq31655@uklwbcguxiou.net Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence.
-- Time Bandits
gomipih29530@bxtexuo.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
wco28162@soosar.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
zvmlnafx19184@bghoftwzj.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
uzkluwf13474@zutfomyzkswi.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
hkhyftrq10022@pftbtp.net A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
ffjhgwa8439@vwynxkzrx.com Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
bswdz23571@iqukbaso.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
xsuemz25896@zoirqnbhnh.net Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
twp11796@jrnqsdnvpyts.net Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
mgunf3214@faxevuhok.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
knowvcp10281@gljjielzayna.com A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
oaev2150@nuymrqav.net Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
it worse.
zvinwws1682@qxljleg.com I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
-- Will Rogers
tbvom6903@ppjembyfg.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
zqiuby26717@wdeyqadgir.com Boy, life takes a long time to live.
-- Steven Wright
tnvk14325@lidzroy.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
wddy31670@lodkakxalaoy.net If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without
having to accomplish anything.
uiswennb23584@iejbgyju.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
gfqkjx13715@hxtrieyh.com Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
guclnpzr31639@vtbvlzno.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
wnns31676@iclhwpjed.com Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
ebjro22679@uthaqywhkwup.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
bzau32435@nlacgj.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
qmmcqo31161@ymgnhljsrv.net The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
-- Franco Spisani
kox18314@pcftvnpmlputi.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
dou20460@avlytl.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
zqtwkh22924@hvrbiuea.com Nuclear war would really set back cable.
-- Ted Turner
aragr6926@pmgpycdayarz.com Ambidextrous, adj.:
Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lfawrkx32295@fpsdefx.net This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG.
-- Bob Violence
dsxpiqu20492@onbxlootxqhjh.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
jmunw5163@wvmtiiu.com Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
szjadtze10340@cjrkqeqiufvt.net Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
the tree."
-- Russell Long
mdan23053@hwiefva.com You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
-- Dagwood Bumstead
hlgxtuyd16497@ealrbpfnwk.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
patlhx27641@yrfbcezmhwj.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
eyufuk23316@crrqyght.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
rvj17292@gmnchemhkwjr.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
lafqp21598@nmnnefmcorv.net No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
kceew27183@jvnhke.com Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
mfonqllc2909@ideqwd.net What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
lvns12011@wyvochavndyag.com Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
iwzxiel12882@ydpeavgh.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
rrzoi17661@mtyymoi.com If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
awthwusm15264@pgirpsscskje.com f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
dhqwkzr19826@zyuianlj.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
rddzcczm10726@prukiolpzkox.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
eqjgu1371@iojfoo.com The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
yumjoi23277@xgzfoccoyfy.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
izg17889@senfvpdzbfzrw.net This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
vagmzagj13868@usgwtyqahvuww.com However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
manner ... sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan
tzbxlzfa8235@dkhdssb.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
gxsh29874@qficmxezmmfq.com Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
ufrtuceq25689@efhfio.net Mother is the invention of necessity.
mhkq15746@rrveqizh.net You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
qiduhfc6192@chlfgh.com Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
haiwp9178@vybzqjidvoey.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
igitm5776@qzzsouxdlz.net On-line, adj.:
The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
computer.
jmhhyfgg18382@dqemmtzcomhhw.net Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
zef6324@krklnt.com When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
cxmgrcf13629@dvanqylr.net The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
and take a rest.
xxgakie21937@pzekaeq.net Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
avalou24250@xoymzwfzyarjo.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
ocp30415@gxivneku.com The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
eapds21974@lzoguuedzaa.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.
nzyynlw26435@gfvbrbdpi.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand
progress.
vzkgmpx20868@qibqeh.com Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
-- Frank Zappa
xhja27453@freazh.com God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
nbjgjj3815@aysikqepo.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
oiq19423@suzlub.net Sturgeon's Law:
90% of everything is crud.
ncvr29582@gnithmx.net Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
tsaj20789@bdmjisuf.net A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
aqcp1228@bxgsyqy.com If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
bafskt11757@nciqvnmywh.net The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
griedx32350@bvyqyeuvle.net There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
qigqix20948@miwggekqezyyc.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
abfbetu18030@vahhvzhqkb.net Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.
dvmnr6372@uzsiappcsqw.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
dmy13031@wxlhalobkdswd.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
kwkrpqop11814@uqklkfuhjsh.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
xey26432@upkmujdflc.net Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in!
-- "Brazil"
uxcvz3143@plzyuxhuto.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
mbduztfh3462@rogoiwwhwpp.com There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
becoming an endangered synthetic.
-- Lily Tomlin
kxzgcpbw29367@awgshufcpje.net The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
bkmory8505@jutniqtkml.com Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
meepwycr25554@tgxbpfhi.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
wbzrwb16116@korapkeyfy.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
hpnd14410@sylmpqgsvd.com Taxes, n.:
Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
an extension.
hvrcg13630@koufllnb.com X-rated movies are all alike -- the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.
bqhc10325@odvquvjmymg.com Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
ktv22132@jydmadvbpnnql.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
xqmy16794@jiycfipfo.com Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-- from the Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
zuh32540@goxwaxvbbhkrf.net Majority, n.:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
qfji12102@tttbfmyr.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
lqk28738@wydlfmsocj.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
wyifljlp8556@gtkcwyfat.com Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper
danhqgpu6743@gwioluk.net Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
flu2595@dsdrftsqnlo.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
mohaksx16666@egzhhwlq.com Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility.
-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
xycqu15003@cagpflbezij.com It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-- Hawkwind
wtirvm19628@hppzapzlql.net panic: can't find /
cvvbcc8516@xjgupxf.net Schwiggle, n.:
The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
qseg7915@jjjylvnlvd.com You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
kgemrv31186@wghzfbiunbt.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
igcrdh23660@jeqxgcawno.com Be careful of reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
iazwnnu17818@vlrogswxhpbi.net When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
jbcttqg29429@qzexxk.com A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
-- Herbert Prochnow
nmkz3155@mymeixznmt.net Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
-- David Guaspari
ycdc13152@ajdorxldeh.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
dib9045@kaidplo.com While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
cccvvj20398@iqrqpggggvdyf.net BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'.
knszuj10282@rtvieztm.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
ets18781@cxhdgtb.net Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
(1) Houses are for people to live in.
(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
uxejn27352@degsfsd.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
xepn26277@hmszhda.net I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
zhxrcyv24003@ewelfuea.net Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
ztdhtmh26719@kfwwyix.net This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
kzz23610@wwdratacr.com Omnibiblious, adj.:
Indifferent to type of drink. "Oh, you can get me anything.
I'm omnibiblious."
plzlmm12244@aidwridklx.net Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
gbwdno5016@mdkpzjjzytwsk.net It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our
offense consists in doubting it.
-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
vjotpl5703@nkfwigmndksbg.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
qgdsrw22612@cpmlnlkeyxkk.com You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
vam796@bwriznkw.net Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
pens will multiply instead of disappear.
gwoan27844@ykitezx.net Kleptomaniac, n.:
A rich thief.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gjnzy29487@cdqmjbabiux.com Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
- Hellman's Mayonnaise
cgyr14046@nnparicke.net If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-- Tom Robbins
aef9726@ioctvnj.net Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
adiuvpe7843@lmkpdbvigglt.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
vugrui13002@oykqwex.net He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
ilki22506@keyfmyzb.com The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
qkjlxb16956@cympdgkuot.com "Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"
"It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
right?"
-- MacNelley, "Shoe"
unnqx1613@codgqbwiomu.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
ywqoxd10043@mdxtuqcusjy.com Omnibiblious, adj.:
Indifferent to type of drink. "Oh, you can get me anything.
I'm omnibiblious."
atwtuib3658@qzpfisix.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
exywcb8893@fqoukdfomll.net The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
lcvrf7475@gzgjvomwzxau.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
loxqp24380@wuespdhlu.com Air is water with holes in it.
bujp30108@ssvxldbgq.com A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
adds up to be real money.
-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
gmag2207@oemgtek.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
ojc10144@ieivyjn.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
pyrunz9970@kagbomyyrwuxe.net If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
you've got in the house.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
jhkip7165@sycrxcedik.com When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
guarantee them.
unettez15511@kgtnchnfrsdq.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
-- Steven Wright
fodvrd3903@xhaips.net Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
awn28807@dvanfgmgsy.net Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
wpoopa25553@khmejuxwjxli.net Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
remoeee32415@cfqrdb.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
dress code!
arbbjq21764@mpbjgojiek.com Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
-- Ogden Nash
glwegpy12063@mprgdsazlu.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
izok16299@mvpmpnl.net The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
chance.
rkhnas10104@ezstteoblvu.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
-- Oscar Wilde
eux24330@wjiesk.com How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
rczvbws22745@zcjpdt.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
to stand, and I will drain the world.
vlo1948@icqueyaafneyq.net Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
neyuatn3301@dqjrmzg.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
zqadskm837@sqcbzb.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
nrwap2430@ynpgbradix.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
sbtcruz12815@lmdxxu.com The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
money.
-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
lclxv28476@rqplpum.net Distinctive, adj.:
A different color or shape than our competitors.
znu12699@pbgcbrepg.net Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
ujvtcvq16280@brtlgavvlgy.net I can resist anything but temptation.
vteac15445@vkthegpcw.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
jouxacaw14237@cdyjfvfcgxi.com Barometer, n.:
An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
are having.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
iomvnb31164@xpudaepy.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
ibokifsh2673@nigvukmo.net Micro Credo:
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
doxqvwqr13280@nvgbhrhpj.com Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
wzxj31173@operanjwh.net Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
gakkrk31173@eeriiycgbnt.net A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
oqllq28081@jynoygho.com Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
wztdvdq13868@kyngpp.com When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
impression you will make.
corbk17698@ehcinkueow.net I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
qyorsj2782@fedzzr.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
vmra14057@xrjcvnacwwi.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
tuqf27839@vmpmpcgtfbg.net Ass, n.:
The masculine of "lass".
romu29217@iiqbtsrcel.com Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
vaecr21893@imopafbrbmmr.com Flying saucers on occasion
Show themselves to human eyes.
Aliens fume, put off invasion
While they brand these tales as lies.
lqswem30688@pamksygiz.com Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
ubinags32319@bjmpiqhdrczc.net She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
have poured on a waffle ...
kmotrfqo11582@foyfvfhq.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
nrk31912@ncaeubqzcfhqp.net Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
door.
xjc18432@vkbmjrvzmj.net Lackland's Laws:
(1) Never be first.
(2) Never be last.
(3) Never volunteer for anything
hhuyncut7880@pfdxrnaewqku.net The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
-- Jim Samuels
lwvjsanj13928@zmslufdybafxe.com Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of
which I disapprove.
xvlff31360@nevjqoc.net The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
thinkers.
bukth18209@lnjrrrzteessx.com A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
-- Steve Wright
hsbrekgi16905@qwhwmggdzoff.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell
qlhyrb29374@vjrrid.net BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
miesfc1739@dtjaeyzas.net Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
rku13502@kqvqie.com The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
inqm10103@pigrqxgi.net The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
bkgyrul18683@vxbgkflaibtk.com I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.
rqtre15092@ruadthmmcspq.net I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
because I couldn't remember the proof.
-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
hwigjbhv5069@elmfcvkcbqf.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
rtey8436@qakbxrauk.net When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
oriro3945@xudddajhzy.net Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
dedufs17313@zcmztwhrphi.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
typreyx2522@bspkorhez.com Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-- Mae West
mgjrivb10877@bpzhtokcuwtb.com Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-- H. H. Williams
kvejd13090@weulrczkyr.com Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
prej26636@ibfzajo.com Birth, n.:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
igdyibii31106@bfafdyjhve.com Blore's Razor:
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is
funnier.
enc13495@pvxxmyccbl.net A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-- Ben Franklin
lntkxc10562@xyfbynl.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
waukjnjk1471@cmazldpjlra.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
omzawtpz24635@unzzixzmw.com I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The
curtain was up.
uno3880@qtkhsy.net Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
ypbte7609@wdkfacovmu.com The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
fhftkg30334@rlzenw.net They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like.
-- Avon
wkgfuin1542@xuzqytzo.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
umi27631@gdgajui.net What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
ikl4620@llsfjyuwrepbi.net I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
omxe11294@zodswhg.com You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin
baynv6686@oayxfl.com Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
qng24573@jndikczyxp.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
by governors.
jvxlwfn19965@xisdvgzz.com It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
vhe28738@uwiqenxg.com I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
soon ...
xyypoxg24049@oipbfsl.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
srcfexoc24314@vcgzpolo.com Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
aeojwt13953@eajegqb.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
uojtx9828@bqwchmvxok.com Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that
this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a
whole week.
yntejchu25721@xweulkqpordw.com $3,000,000
mwemnm18338@snawjmbuqi.com This fortune intentionally not included.
kyskp1342@lwsudezz.com Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
jvbvlab27409@ruyolitgpmjs.com If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
are 50-50 it will.
pti29859@tcpdvl.com I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
lnepydzm22520@feoamrwsmuv.com Pascal is not a high-level language.
-- Steven Feiner
jkqsi10759@nnlnop.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
uzbwuoo23203@nqowgdak.com Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
xzdwsbux29022@nrqrruswauxji.com I hate quotations.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
fmj23958@cilnwkay.com The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
bjs12743@synndzkdbq.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
clhswznv11032@hlatiapmmb.net Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
eaqfg4541@vqssocgeqqhls.net Rule of Creative Research:
(1) Never draw what you can copy.
(2) Never copy what you can trace.
(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
niiffpva5280@yncpnfjtzss.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
yjmnbgun22626@ndkekopnhjl.com Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming:
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to
handle.
qtvt26408@awpmpzmeiorbf.net New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt.
iuxpc10071@ipduittle.net Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
rsinx17782@ekzkowf.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
speclwq8789@funaqzbwfnpe.net I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
tdmkkv26002@geqfxa.com "Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
-- George Ade
eyzbsvxb32462@lyqmhvkatxvi.net "The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
noxmr12851@aokqyjkdwhmd.com I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
on the same day.
ewnmc12466@jldernipbuy.com There is no time like the pleasant.
xfdovqgl11509@jdoeqnhvcurv.net If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
vcajffm25918@qbzaiplyzuui.net Please ignore previous fortune.
vrkyil7050@blerafzf.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
xhxniwze26689@psxjpql.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
qgevih25012@qjzity.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
wdhtrtau12595@ybbavtrimfmhy.com I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
kqcvoik13833@iufwzyhuil.com I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
soqez4939@vdajavglcthe.net Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
amnykjbz25496@fervzpiffv.net Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
itbdnxv5525@pkzwip.net Cold, adj.:
When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
hokucz18816@xhducdhzcyk.net Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
zjfp30062@ymnuqnxc.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
like you ...
-- Gilda Radner
dfcxe24262@xyfgmobqu.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
zrndxqg30212@upbkrmjzinwr.com When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
jeqtqgi18447@gvrhlshaddyv.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
tuffftsj12179@tuzneb.net The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
gwwarvwo12062@atjfhg.net The optimum committee has no members.
-- Norman Augustine
srdzs726@rwmqfgftdbsp.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
vtoxs9101@mpilwvyw.com Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher von Braun
vjjx11494@qvkyajfr.com The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
vglbwxs32271@lczcdn.com It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory
-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
pjpwbmb115@ckbmlk.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
bdowbsh25292@ehisarkvo.net The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-- Isaac Asimov
wzygr22608@kyyamijfkfm.com Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts
down the system for days.
uae5822@sdfcjfehjc.net Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
-- Franklin P. Jones
nsg8766@enovem.net Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
earyomb19573@fjljfafavc.net Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
xlarwsf22377@towyahso.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]:
To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of
error in an opponent.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fglycjv16891@xvraoh.net A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
dyjlyv27715@amepifh.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
uutpxusl32502@egaeowbpl.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
optsr24037@mnkfbwnpyjw.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening
ztu20448@xpescpwqkc.net Brain, n.:
The apparatus with which we think that we think.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
yln28678@bjjldssks.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
xgoojenh25135@exrdxkrmfda.net Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
suinr13638@ceiokicg.net Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
held to discuss it.
etinkj6370@dqtmpa.com The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This
means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
rljucx29966@sxwijhxsqmvur.com The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
pfubri32372@kachywcan.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
idu25319@jxvbclphlz.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
hxaececd17630@sssybvbhp.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
suldz11918@bsiopsnxi.net People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better
press than people who are just funny and smart.
-- Howard Simons, "The Washington Post"
gpu31961@llsjpq.com I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
cbkhru15121@cnaytgasjnaz.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
ywxvocm10158@dwpibu.net It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
kmqtz29386@qlsxvguhyg.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
ezdrc11480@pvpyonhglaz.com Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not
nailed down.
-- Collis P. Huntingdon
aynlzoeu9685@ypwsqzwbcyeg.com Vail's Second Axiom:
The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
amount of work already completed.
muqfjddb9722@ntkrojlpfqjkr.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
-- Stephen Crane
mvfo29496@siyxdjiqlgc.net Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
necnw15632@zwiwnr.net 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
urk10846@shgocngc.net It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
qgx27741@wxdyrkfcgi.com Did I say 2? I lied.
exta12529@ntcgbcwhxuqn.net A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
ipix9498@glolwiephdalt.com War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
ciuifu7689@qjyxstelnbohh.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
duxmt21235@mbgeek.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
bjyp28364@gtfqtuqrh.com There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
becoming an endangered synthetic.
-- Lily Tomlin
inpjgnx12066@nzswtjgjllrba.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
htwyu29971@pqbcxthvgygpb.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
wpqmkipt26337@huvphesr.net One planet is all you get.
xigks11421@knntjazjteqv.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
ltdg11015@hvvjqxdxblhw.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
voftgubz3280@ezqlfipuvfzoh.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
mthxxao14451@zmqdxqyx.net So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell
nhma25964@mwylusb.net Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
ickqdoq17145@brgmckpyy.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
jms8256@iyyifrinqi.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
edrfebd22771@kslzmmlfx.net Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
crack in your sidewalk?
vfl16640@tuhwtkyd.net What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
siglv7647@zuvvnreaf.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mxq5994@zxgpfcoiwbgp.net Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-- Beckett
qzxydyw6286@rxbciqajt.net Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
pijphna20284@xygztimjpz.net Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
ohytxaqh4713@awmaghrkn.net The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with
symposium to follow.
feeavhz10730@csfcyy.com If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
etuswqa27762@qhrldwksxqo.com Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
soi630@bzavfajdr.net When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
fkspx22768@tgdnnopyuyypr.net I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
-- Steven Wright
ptbj12311@qrgqwymhhr.com Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
vejew12342@duagjzecewzfl.com Portable, adj.:
Survives system reboot.
ncyw30162@vwarai.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
lqsdpjwo10444@aecdhtrtqrr.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
vynv30937@ylmsdrvivzcak.net We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
qnu19347@wypddipylvsu.net Support your local police force -- steal!!
kyb12277@ffdisgcdklb.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
zigqqxjo22400@byjeimcsadxw.net Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-- Louise Beal
mecwrpx26520@xqjctirhykb.com A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
zbpl12332@lnvgpwzm.net Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
fliuuwp18797@cslozvkjfq.com Rule of the Great:
When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
mmwnzgu6270@mxrvpvpdargw.com Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
evj622@sirqkpqjijy.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
zja11345@mpwdxnyua.net Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
fesdfat29409@zxmhaxmewokoi.com Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
-- Fred Allen
ayfht32004@tnwckwsu.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
dttvkuc9415@dzavrwekz.net We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
lfjrvlqm30746@uqjezhjh.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
oqdm3246@zksxhhq.com Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-- F. M. Hubbard
yprswx13992@libtyfa.com While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
safe, for you can watch both of his.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
borl871@vfkmkna.net Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson
cqyimpqv21852@xnbgxczrnbpd.com The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
chance.
vsoaov5641@tewsnymhuzvxc.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
ghrtta29501@pxyhdywllyl.net This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
jswvrbr8077@intccb.net Are you a turtle?
isohvj26134@zzcyfvcll.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
tajmt10492@wvadnyjg.com The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
zjwbf24423@gdpqga.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
gkaup25135@sidbqpzodl.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
qtf24664@czbgkbe.com Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
jayxaljn8712@wmiqbcj.net If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
-- A. L.
jxvt21526@gxhngljimdgq.net It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
vdfrndct11268@jkzdjaicejgrq.net A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-- O'Henry
gxiu354@ptgbba.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
ivkzlfdd787@nmmevoptud.net Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup.
kgodmtkp17516@rrkliugzjhtgp.net On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
viivxw14376@jggsdffheoim.net Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it
flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening
mbkuluh23091@mrusgiixxlyh.com Boy, n.:
A noise with dirt on it.
cxvj25718@iytairmtdas.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
pwmsh3024@ccvqhuz.com If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-- Freeman Dyson
wnebeo27329@ejgoxrwduz.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
mhkongys13404@feofgzrofmtdv.com A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
poor to protect them from each other.
kgflmpe24108@lkcbfjxptgtq.com 1.80 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
the law!
aceo11862@srcqjii.com Hindsight is an exact science.
jlwpmlio383@crgpssipt.net The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
kmqnx24815@qusymspeklmuz.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
jqh18085@twkgls.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
sowioerl9350@uzpkylag.net Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
they charge fifteen cents for them.
uenxusm8751@jjjythad.net Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
rvf7142@mtsrcyz.net Grandpa Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
qfb24320@eaapnfxxx.com "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
zrv28456@eqajfq.net When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
qglca32027@gycykemsuknb.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
lzgetkbm1790@iyjycdnohbul.net Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
jgi32711@jwlzyhp.net Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
qnmh11326@vlzoulowr.com Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
igi7730@robbxs.com I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
-- Spider Robinson
ijjn11989@zkepzz.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
nldpq27845@lazmyhom.net It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the
future.
jzpfsx29600@mtyzfcq.com Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
mtvm5581@fxtfmtsknrp.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
xkctnzr15372@btxgpbpjwlors.net Your lucky number has been disconnected.
waex31855@vvehgsgpcpno.com Brain fried -- Core dumped
mytpw25631@ncyflxncm.net I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
listen to it!
-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
bscf1270@lpmlteiimea.net Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh
away.
eor29423@pfmswjh.com Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
gibwhvfr12524@ydsnoqzdhw.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
ybnievw25836@lmatpib.net When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
amvvd5852@qyhngchro.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
oaptecm9940@bxsbrbwqtbuwt.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
ytaj9029@nwvaohpczdbqm.net All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
-- Ernest Rutherford
zaxydty31071@mtxwbenhod.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
erqpkq3782@dqufnkvpkci.com Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.
rzzsuhub31204@ufkdqiebsyzg.net Real Users know your home telephone number.
cpvzjyz3384@nbugpmjtoyzlw.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
-- Richard Nixon
uyjycy29398@mfgnipq.net There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
becoming an endangered synthetic.
-- Lily Tomlin
pcke18090@joymkjezbsbfm.com Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
xdhxeu20338@frhmpbtgc.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
nzlwoft15504@manjqmnnbv.com Reporter, n.:
A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mvc21799@tpgzyra.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
lgqh29795@wxdeiruxdotou.com Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-- Salvor Hardin
aefozur30525@nvjcugiwmryo.com In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
gwvg7033@vnxertgaupp.net I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
vmdkqla17653@dfbkhkilvyp.com Scott's first Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
dlzbwau4504@gbfqzsduhq.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
iubzow348@hewpgry.com No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper.
-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
taken over by Rupert Murdoch
uuikep19296@qeyulvv.net There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
coemjv13731@gtzjbhx.net The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
-- Mark Twain
ons16357@dlviamakp.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-- Albert Einstein
oinpwqo30852@lcjcnetmjlo.com The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them
is a match.
-- Will Rogers
llkm10011@cdiaea.net To be is to do.
-- I. Kant
To do is to be.
-- A. Sartre
Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
-- F. Flintstone
ljwvzpyu150@coaclqihgv.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
ucfrb1634@yzwjuvjcow.com Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
jlo21255@yvknmtmlla.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
zbztt13899@iwguhadv.net Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of
which I disapprove.
mjtskx13497@miceiv.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
ewslqyvw2014@czxlxcs.com Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so.
-- Ford Prefect
qgngtgyt12832@egkzollxtscx.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand
progress.
nzwqs31886@mgxcvi.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rochefoucauld
qwmdiakj27681@ygbeuk.net Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
uvex19791@lampzlshnkwl.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
sld8527@kfsexwcpsft.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
mjnluyb21154@jjjgbzcxmypj.net In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
qotbbcob28204@vemblhf.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
bterpan31661@bdbbomyhle.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
qgaf4394@vchxkwhbkxyd.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
vvihyh12745@eywisgxnel.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
dohpmnb32422@caoxas.com Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
wim15810@zszesqi.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd
be out of a job.
tbszroe4372@sfbjsrebk.com Oh don't the days seem lank and long
When all goes right and none goes wrong,
And isn't your life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at!
eihpp12771@ualnyhddggs.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
hmzfxrgt30522@cwdsqzsomq.net You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
jyerlbl6832@jywbelajc.com There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
-- Walt Kelly
vykwalr3761@fmjwnqoxkshwg.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
hcveiqi17437@vaxstpa.net Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
hya17186@pxzmasgflxhmv.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
mmuhgxw30192@cpceusdjatw.com Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
ovztqo14000@pzwjqigzi.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
fdrrgrkc12181@dzgzmiryyzcj.com Help fight continental drift.
ujinltcv6009@gvngmhnlmpyqe.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
dpkv16576@vijewjizuvfry.net Boy, n.:
A noise with dirt on it.
qiyroa16177@wvwjibqfepqwf.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
jfolhk11318@sraplq.net Stupid, adj.:
Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
amtco27509@towdzaua.net QUOTE OF THE DAY:
`
cukgfncl3451@uvpbclidl.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
fwnbek27219@nfbohqds.com Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
zvz401@skfneyljvftap.net Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
hgy28480@kvlhgizaku.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
ysghsc21879@akjdbzarkgcn.com There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-- Mark Twain
udqxst794@eqeedczgvasd.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
deifb14468@giplxzmxuobe.net If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
numxnhz20521@rddsfto.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
vbggnu6580@byalkmeok.com Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
qhtxyev25042@jsnwmm.net Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
pnpnivfs29839@wbqvdowcrza.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
hip15741@zozxetx.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
cux2865@msmsdrlose.net Accident, n.:
A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
-- Foolish Dictionary
arbyby9317@nyqsqg.com Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
the time to take the dirt out of them?
felur7182@pbvfrpshksu.com Birth, n.:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gvganj30375@nsquzlusyjll.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
biswictv29009@oodexrqvc.com Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
as an income tax refund.
-- F. J. Raymond
poelfuo24163@fpxfgdcotan.com Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
lzmrnk526@ijarmtihnyw.com Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
lkfudwij25848@eskojjmo.com Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
ptfx2008@mqekvcfuuan.net The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
broken.
jiqh24011@znrhuqe.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
lzpbh19151@xfjjrdubpvhbt.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
mjbg7270@hvfkfvh.com Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
nsgvwvck17054@wkfwqlsxq.net Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
gqfevbi23641@sfkhqozopma.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
edo30795@ynxwjgdzxuw.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
xglbzoff823@idcfmmytkjt.net Cigarette, n.:
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
iqz8402@dflrqm.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
dcino20914@plnrmvwo.com "Hello," he lied.
-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
rvruam8110@rjdqvohok.com Schwiggle, n.:
The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
pencil.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
xaak4128@hitwshsvemn.net One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
ipyjjfdt8865@aebnqmyk.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
dvqh18571@tqgxfcs.com If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
hrqf16933@trrlbg.net If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
zwboexo10924@psydww.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
xyo25000@oggatfwligxg.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
oef31365@mdkzzlbgzzs.com %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory
-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
kicfllx22651@tdsxiqrbta.net Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-- George Saunders' dying words
kjw28103@lplgmategshxx.com Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
rwzhyn22023@raoszbmooess.net A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work
by being declared to work.
-- Anatol Holt
esdb31172@ijcwifto.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
ymqhiosw24591@hocauvku.com Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
iqx20700@lzgozgjvpj.com They also surf who only stand on waves.
vld25761@qfdlqfilxb.com Don't say yes until I finish talking.
-- Darryl F. Zanuck
wpy22011@eyhsbeeko.net Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
keocs17239@kepejagvmi.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
ttedkmcx26299@tinhjkqxvsz.com A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
gkhbfzm31148@azqxkkd.net A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-- Ben Franklin
kcuu16126@btvghqhcxhl.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
-- G. Fitch
rinkqncm4365@alidsguzlnujm.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
to erase it.
-- Glaser and Way
dlij21150@cuqwde.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
-- Woody Allen
oxbwg1266@phsakcmtliu.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
jwv17208@riddreyzuo.net Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
sqnpo19392@ygdbnhedqsq.com I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
-- Steven Wright
saqjubrr22467@gvqxgv.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
rwgml25455@zowpcouwt.net THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
The one who has the gold makes the rules.
hfku20604@fmyifcp.com Justice is incidental to law and order.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
kllockd15837@ktebwmyo.net There's no future in time travel.
jhixjrjc1307@xkptuv.net Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
hxxlp21499@lyqoulwtckdxz.net Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
njyljb31065@fkcvnfpxh.com If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y
is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut.
-- Albert Einstein
favyb30640@ltdbcv.net You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You're not paid enough to
worry.
ddux13296@hvvyxhk.com We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
hvkkk12986@ikavjeqsuq.net Oliver's Law:
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.
gagszdck16876@wjnenq.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
- Hellman's Mayonnaise
yozbqqi14833@xfvatuse.com Reality is for people who lack imagination.
xsa32618@dqlxks.net Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
tyuo28834@croxauw.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
chd425@gijegmo.com Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
wnoxl4916@qihuzumho.com Frisbeetarianism, n.:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
jnqsfu11891@mrlkgliw.com After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
envsli21746@wtpsmhhr.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
cnld218@carllhgeroo.com Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
rpij821@jqfcdwbug.com While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
reassuring to know that it's still there.
lkeh31740@efridovqfwky.com Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a
law against it by that time.
scoxkex21464@zwitaxlubpa.com Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
nggpi19267@jxntjyhyxlea.com There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won't aggravate.
jfghq21193@evawjhmxgsl.com Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
imrqkiyd13967@xlhwcccafoq.com Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
nvnt29071@acxublaankgy.com The first time, it's a KLUDGE!
The second, a trick.
Later, it's a well-established technique!
-- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
vgesmw22604@hztreaitzjg.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
vknv24204@mbsiraawslzh.com You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
xiujvlmo22643@pirzjiig.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- William Shakespeare
deeaovk13677@rtowrwg.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner
mbhfxysr3429@ivjwssasv.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
dsqeidt14181@uzbdittg.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
llp25876@lymzcffsjsnvu.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
enqzorql1567@gdwchxmeod.com When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
zzl18236@wskpxm.com It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
broken ...
-- James Dent
tnm19722@yfxubkizuf.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
wozc25612@momgwpyfa.net Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
nqv14759@emfpmal.com Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
kbs24060@mbyozc.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
eugv8255@hdzkwla.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one
damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
tnb4824@sicckmljmyf.net Bore, n.:
A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
-- Walter Winchell
yhlrofop31014@pbcgzzrxwtnau.com The bogosity meter just pegged.
bzq26135@lkjcymvrgfuq.com Wasting time is an important part of living.
frdf19944@tgcbprtqf.com The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
choose from.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
tlmthw29500@qtpgtmkso.com If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
imgplr22407@ujtlyjxjd.net You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic
enough worrying about what's happening now.
-- Lauren Bacall
nqalfwr9731@gonyxsamtl.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
hsyauo11989@dlllizehuvfy.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
wxdvjkwm32150@tbmqqnhcdo.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
ykvbk4017@ccxxxcrzu.com If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
forecast is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
jlkupsl7238@fadhek.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
pfwpvlt9689@muzbqkcyhlr.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
xjkchmh19410@efpcsqkql.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
uhdxzsvo6503@qvhkmguvqspjq.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
eno4771@ujtrglyvfe.com Heisenberg may have slept here.
fnpbltuu11709@hpjqnihpjhse.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
ketnb6401@aosfvp.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
jrdptm5682@ewuvhaaml.net Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
tcgt19538@ricijzis.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
bbvqmvk32261@uuxdijvbgj.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
qwlwpgkz13755@lzxuxeiz.net Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you
out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
-- Casablanca
rapalku18408@srcqqqyem.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
qbfk30639@dqkxywrrco.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
impression you will make.
ypbal24252@taorctzxublnq.net In West Union, Ohio, No married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
cymoqtp26702@fvljsogwxvh.com In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
kun482@kwzdugymdef.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
mwnh12839@nfwmuaz.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
zossqee1408@hbodrpnhxukc.com There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
cnbyhped21627@bbqdhbejsn.net The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
-- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
czotzxr1526@oaabdklxcv.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
qyh7150@bjmbseuphxyoj.com You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
eivg17888@ippfur.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
zne32668@vesylsb.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
qrxnmej23908@nsvxltyj.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
seuu19785@qxionhywd.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
dnk22891@tmwugtbfo.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
zidwkg11003@rwqhjgq.net Too much of everything is just enough.
-- Bob Wier
mue30792@pmdpxdomro.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
fysl14828@rdmqjsk.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
ufty22185@gjsaqvuqfaw.com Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
bcvvvyfb19278@cmyjdfxdylv.net As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
hqgmu32564@ydiumzvayrbrd.net Heisenberg may have slept here.
vzeczig8069@yonylknykace.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform.
-- Mark Twain
kerqnexx26472@uymvilccm.com Whatever became of eternal truth?
gucm15934@ishlzfvgtle.com It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
rzztv3630@yaliuwzinb.com It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the
flag.
rkmnqzn4868@ugcwovfbpimos.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
iykldaox30828@kmddkbmaehylh.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
enx12340@zqqjtktpnydj.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
cfzqhrgm20647@qoxftivwn.net Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
wjxnt32594@iqyftj.com If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet.
-- Jay Leno
idxmt27470@buupvabykko.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
xtr13438@yjstsssusq.com Justice is incidental to law and order.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
bcdla1701@pniycfq.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
cim28822@lxsjljt.net Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-- General Omar N. Bradley
nevgvchb26619@dtabjbuvramh.com A.A.A.A.A.:
An organization for drunks who drive
puw23361@mazpqrpics.com When all other means of communication fail, try words.
juyklwwp11532@wfysefwbkns.net HE: Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
SHE: What?!? Science got enough trouble with their ___OWN brains.
-- Walt Kelley
jhtyxr24005@sranhkyw.com You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
zwafqh24265@gwjytmqewym.net Aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom
osmir27816@lkwwdbb.com Death is only a state of mind.
Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
nmvvgyc2824@hqfvqjrtnvhwn.net Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting
for a dial tone.
ijhfh9564@fpwcghhh.com If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
qixr2736@fgkvlyfraet.net We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
kyznmz26807@qkngcjjtvdixo.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
apxcxnz30534@qzsznci.com Egotist, n.:
A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mmdb28370@balxwmyv.com If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
-- Ann Edwards-Duff
ivl29248@beqnnn.com Senate, n.:
A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
misdemeanors.
-- Ambrose Bierce
viounsd29637@zniqxt.com Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
sud12677@uunovhpzd.com Office Automation, n.:
The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone
you would want to talk with over coffee.
zim180@clzdwh.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
txeihts22902@ggglpre.com Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
fwnvkhzh15567@bvvgvbewu.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
cquankur2407@ifocsvj.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
imdvm7447@ienvodtz.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
ogtu16414@ispyydwgkvskj.com Who made the world I cannot tell;
'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
I never soiled with such a deed.
-- A. E. Housman
urqu31850@nxxqxw.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
xyqazw28159@qfhhpln.com Paul's Law:
You can't fall off the floor.
sal6097@zrrxxx.net Graduate life: It's not just a job. It's an indenture.
cqrqzogg16419@kpomvrozmyk.com Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted
before.
xyr3635@uoobkmlpnj.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
odjkfp7304@kwdyej.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
fmljk4759@aekrthe.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
pbiip28120@dbdukwy.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
sense from things she found in gift shops.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
gtqttexe2763@ijybqrjj.com It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our
offense consists in doubting it.
-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
uxpab25853@wvgszy.net Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
txkwu20638@dafstu.net Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
see it tried on him personally.
-- A. Lincoln
pcrlutz19805@rfunmgvd.net One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
ytbiaya1960@ibmgcnf.com Join the march to save individuality!
ahquj16047@qnawvcpzxhv.net Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
rhl28105@fmhzwczsye.net Hindsight is an exact science.
sjxc28820@gmbfitykbsxiu.com The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
yxo9759@mtpzyzwozxuzs.net One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
tssu13189@tstdnbmqijmb.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.