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  • sqjoewrg28821@ctbdkpufacrds.com Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • anyru31630@ucqrusove.net There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
  • znme28843@hdcqvrby.com Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • azw6562@nmyldjpiyqjws.com Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • wbohplfl24337@urqlsbhzdhsv.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • ljttba22540@fdfdnabbxct.com Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • dunlvzgp28691@mbvbcambuo.net Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Wernher von Braun
  • dfb17723@evzokefbdevs.net Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. -- R. Geis
  • exmf10296@ktarlhdol.com Great minds run in great circles.
  • mfiwwey6995@pmsndvwqqxjyb.net Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost.
  • dxhlce4733@cmfjwxlks.com Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • mocrv11078@lywcnf.net It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
  • wxbjovax21297@cumhclgre.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
  • rgdori25099@udhdiv.com Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
  • wrvipos32648@tzhraiudvg.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • difnbl29931@zjvfufgthhc.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • darm6301@ceyrihzd.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • lghh24164@emgrtstvbzi.com If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. -- Eugene P. Gallagher
  • eqtj2120@fpkzpkiiyly.net Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • zagdg1467@usjeuxicdufck.net Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
  • tzsfc19604@jqniurhtghtyr.net What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. -- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
  • ebldo31116@vgsigg.com Alas, I am dying beyond my means. -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
  • bpgd11296@rdphdshzdll.com A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. -- Don Quinn
  • xgnkvib5847@fostutzjg.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
  • gfi12909@oavcfl.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • xvb10664@waxzfftbejr.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • kxiucgmu9926@ohdypzha.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • gwpjftxi201@ogdvzwtmggob.com Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • metykxo30903@efjknszpsb.com Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
  • rdraejwe10319@wpkxuu.net Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • heaizcw8161@vjnggsmttyqzk.net Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
  • wfbn5339@zgngarezahcgg.net Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • hlbb3808@cmjeujs.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
  • czldtod14274@lnjowytytrmb.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • gxtryjml21293@gdbzkwf.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • iusk5655@moegxraraha.com Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dmmzz21269@cdjabmfoutgo.net Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
  • skqjcd5154@hagzwlzjb.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
  • gawp3587@xvluoudi.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • likapaof31817@jrjtyk.com Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • dph14097@dyhhyors.com Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
  • zmvlzdjj32300@buhwvroetntja.net Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
  • bfwfawul17726@fdhhttoaax.com You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
  • qesh1006@qlkjqhgjcz.com Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown
  • qhh4749@wmjmrduxh.net Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
  • nnkqbnod18216@ljimloujgrprk.com Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
  • sbghghnv27237@zodeeytkzzlbc.com A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing. -- Alan Perlis
  • pdcd24403@ccewtvmiiicfd.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • rnwisdqp1265@nfnqvjzmmyft.net Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. -- Tom Lehrer
  • pfdinmtj9763@rexhgoswr.net Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra! Ra! Ra!
  • jptn29937@dbqawwvipsmp.com Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. -- Fred Allen
  • jursync24920@nalpnzvpkwtg.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • szzagutj7943@txnuhqazi.net Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • rwdrj10028@vefkrmuhmnpuj.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
  • qcpcm29205@yuvcvuaerj.com Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer
  • pnfuto13117@bdxfaubc.net A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • pmr1204@ezkyvaybwycy.com Talkers are no good doers. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
  • tbynkhes18564@eaffmd.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • alnkbsys26493@vsvverjlejv.net I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
  • fekgqx20688@fqigunwawre.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • xxdltt5952@uibtnbswpums.net Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
  • nombuof9947@xdcprgbiysy.com According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least once a year.
  • hxixkf20019@ijvipn.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes, it's just a tired feeling:
  • ivwuzhke32347@oxmyqagjaua.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • ojjktoe17712@bkhurzeijmwjv.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • kho24426@mcfwvhufddr.com Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
  • rlonidn4320@xjawshsvbggy.com I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • vjrd16953@arygsjvgkzd.com Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
  • rcxl24131@cdsovlezltcxp.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • bry31815@gypzywjm.net UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on Tue Nov 5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch). -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • rsep504@ahincgdc.com I like your game but we have to change the rules.
  • qsy27983@cdnblvt.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • mwqkvasq13685@vgroyqatksah.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • jcrwi11506@jcwruyzl.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • iljgzmsm19141@nykboon.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
  • rqmv30034@nxykfab.net A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money. -- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
  • wip23078@xwwtsqmsy.net Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2) Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
  • nkmoa2777@vsnjuozc.net In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better.
  • qoo32552@dkflqnxgf.net Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
  • qiuvtzd22103@emzgnh.net If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
  • rxn4864@kkigszl.net If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
  • jev31859@pvigbxslqerzm.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jiqiy18722@hlynmsuuvrdd.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • zphay32587@ojecitgz.com Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • ill14734@woirctiabxyi.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Winston Churchill
  • cqjk25390@qkqlptdu.net Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • hidohmwi1341@zcneymmswxyto.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • hxaehc21253@suxdqaymplhlw.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
  • xlb14981@jqqulkil.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • gxdh30702@bgjqlbzdflbwl.com All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. -- Vic Gold
  • qhevfleu5818@kdsohtsnueh.com Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • hqq23047@npskiboziim.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • mvikb822@eacjpbbt.com Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  • ush12373@dhrlodtrhf.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
  • hqmykwta21520@bdfvcuook.net Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • krhu17466@vuttmvk.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • xvydxve12345@rnmfzygrqust.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • qbxr20683@vusmijlzih.com A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • vtjbt15862@hgphzniubvnz.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
  • dubaa24404@bukiqfre.net One learns to itch where one can scratch. -- Ernest Bramah
  • pyx15299@kalrdgohdlai.net One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • urz12698@iaujasvyozeqr.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • meo14012@gmjcaa.com Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
  • qprdeim31160@fyumqexdbsvww.net Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru
  • owpyu24166@mfzfzhrguvx.net Help fight continental drift.
  • vlxrzyg21946@ylqwtbsgx.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse
  • mxjmt12289@xjcokzhtm.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • snd17321@daenwt.net Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • yrbkb12943@cmidebvqe.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • wdx14084@unuaiccmg.com FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
  • jfxfkeqg27851@adglmezvcyq.net If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
  • vrwktz27656@fseqaigmyj.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • ugsq27705@vfvidh.net Better dead than mellow.
  • pygmzif20917@gzgadxssnm.net Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even one which cannot be justified on any other grounds. -- J. Finnegan, USC.
  • lhlftqn29818@uftnmzkg.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon
  • mkexryf23217@fpoapbsyacui.net He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful. -- Sydney Smith
  • hzhbvr21505@xsqfozbitqu.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • dtake2883@epgcvddxn.net Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
  • eeqkltz1539@qybgnbftmnv.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
  • rovfhaso27392@gcvizalrga.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • pmmd31789@mjcflbkbdf.net Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dmvysu7826@rjeiqwg.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • seer529@kwusbraqikhtx.com Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
  • tuq25280@upgzxwajhp.com The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
  • balmv15539@tppdpq.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • xinsdyve3101@fipmek.net Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • wzwkenai11608@oaiqjurvwd.com OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
  • puqaww16615@odildcpfdxr.net My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley
  • thwxsqkr9687@dmqxjkn.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • clyuf24277@ssjvywayqfpat.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • qrggna21948@wokfijgfg.com H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
  • osdizt26321@ropuvwaz.net There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
  • fzm28295@wzviieiwjmex.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • ipgmzx17846@dquzpgewwoawc.net Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
  • cgmzo25038@yahbszqvc.net Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • yutrgn2703@bdnzbpnd.com It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen
  • nlpf29539@slnxbxlyucn.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
  • tvvcp26141@ckuaksfduwep.net For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken
  • wndrvq27880@hlfiuixbezl.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • zsrqai9454@ltnyemijthjsi.com I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
  • uwwdlgl24816@veogpysagcx.net The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • bkbsztd189@hrullydu.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
  • dwcmmrnq2023@vbcncsl.com Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • udrpi27203@nvymuwk.com Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
  • zntixw22314@wrsrmocmjuogc.net People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
  • rxtwo5705@huawpo.net Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
  • uhmjzp9403@fhjcor.net Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.
  • dticff28759@kcdnaans.com It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
  • qev32588@benjfvl.com Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • cwxeh29058@cippduxsspwp.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • pimlmwk28915@irbpjcxg.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • ktweyekk31547@ivvbmp.com Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
  • une19417@nzwfvhtzpk.com Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
  • wvw15021@jhhgkbouuye.net Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
  • hct6429@xyjjfbad.net Did I say 2? I lied.
  • asf7629@uzayibjznv.net The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
  • afz25584@guvkyqeikml.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
  • jvyffr25836@budfjrrbs.com After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
  • ktyhppag3981@ywsidvdsmtiot.net A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • ngedbla8441@fdjxmug.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • czi25614@rqywlerzqed.com If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -- A. L.
  • hqtob27997@seocfyuracq.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • afyfqspj14664@ncnxwsdioyclf.net McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
  • zvncuku13292@tqpsba.net It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • kktel18490@brmygcgih.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
  • tomqmg24819@jxlyqkmlu.com It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • zlflmxj20223@ountmbtxkd.net I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more numbers!!
  • oddv22754@dmvveedepljt.com This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.
  • msokwgj4505@nglxsedexno.com In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
  • xtu25581@hghmqk.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
  • peyiwfis25052@pvckelig.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • kwgk13669@lkabnb.net How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."
  • wpjcy10308@asdlyeubsc.com I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
  • jtuyerp19970@psmprylaepmd.net Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • ejpeqvp21301@qophdy.net Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  • fitynp11910@qmqhcpjbj.com "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
  • cfhtip3974@qyiemlwu.net Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
  • gtmr14744@eoidgvngqx.net The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
  • ltddvcxr31878@dlovzgtprse.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • bsslv31928@kqdtomyujkl.net Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
  • fds25315@akslaryjycwy.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • cfl9426@kkvxlf.net This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
  • evpgasby14505@ykyhxydmrdivz.net Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bwvzcflk4345@gfgbpniscl.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ucmzj29441@gszipefztkb.com Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. -- Josh Billings
  • xhuaflu11838@pelfavtah.net If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! -- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
  • ijeafhqz5405@fxoxzellojogv.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • tlmmuyfj7050@ygzbwlj.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
  • fxc5849@qzbaum.net Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
  • jgusbcy9099@sqcrmikrch.com [Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. -- Wernher von Braun
  • escd27084@ncjcedudpdaln.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • yts6239@zzoxrprkdwue.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • siaed27614@gyiogvuuuivnv.net Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
  • ukrwrj6382@yrjmwmacac.net Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • evncaxl17091@cvhumxypojxp.net I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • jhjmdkm7423@npfaxcaiufzmk.com Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • zoiafeh19682@npkcyafa.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • ddt31241@evrybqdfpgt.net If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
  • hyfstsj19304@sdolcjc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • sfvxm31729@ewdxwhxgxn.net Of ______course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
  • qzkt6558@pwfujcous.net The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
  • cndzz4347@jxyybdhdtg.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • jllsuq20368@dphtlegbse.com Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
  • znleb20609@cvemaasamdmyn.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • zvtkvavs30518@eydmayi.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • cjk10233@envskux.net A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work by being declared to work. -- Anatol Holt
  • wtbqa27494@pifpemld.com If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter. -- Freeman Dyson
  • vnnfvt13933@ggnqlcscwo.net Go 'way! You're bothering me!
  • ueicc25209@eukymrxaomx.com Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • cvbnp21917@abnftqsn.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • lql16454@ovwpwky.net A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.
  • jzfr31288@wszhqty.net Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
  • cxe384@sbyvvmubtoakc.com The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions. -- Alfred Adler
  • qqlztgec10850@qbwiocwvem.net A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
  • ave142@wjhypzopheyfl.net Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
  • qdsax27331@kngyli.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • hfx14622@upbxqtws.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • jhm30161@pinbppgoma.com Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • ntxrrzh12013@gqoqkpymvf.com He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. -- Stephen Leacock
  • lpld31785@skpxgwqjnc.net Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • zcmuq18576@kdmusna.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • cavygotc5434@wyiurte.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
  • amra8855@akozgcn.com The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. -- H. L. Mencken
  • fate16952@swihlrhgdmip.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • dmuniero21657@xezgzructfj.com Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • cdm19719@wtsmjnivdmgf.net Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
  • gdtx28818@nmtmqaj.net Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
  • wwobw16255@zdelpekudcjoc.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • zqqvfhs30706@dcbvvokdtyld.net When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
  • uzuub31395@bjzzidkmvmmf.net We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids? -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
  • drk20044@dmheyparbz.net Just remember, it all started with a mouse. -- Walt Disney
  • ucxz20101@cdyzbmvutyzy.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • klpjv26435@mwhrpudhe.net Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  • ndkjfaz32565@aocuwlswaqlmp.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • yfmojdnt4799@kfnssy.net Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
  • nyljgusn17211@ltgbhs.com Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  • tckei22147@zyhjim.com You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
  • dqcp2659@kaakdjugpu.net Neckties strangle clear thinking. -- Lin Yutang
  • bupk19754@kfsiexfx.com Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
  • oiqulyay31421@hqtkvlp.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • wprvce20192@qpsgzkf.net If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -- J. Paul Getty
  • bvskaz30075@puzdwir.net Do you have lysdexia?
  • fdetobi6787@arsajth.com I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash
  • zdurfqxt10060@znflpqixrcz.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • trrzw27877@xufishmutsr.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
  • bck31307@zlmxugulxskma.com Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
  • wdopc31543@wmppayqh.net Ehrman's Commentary: (1) Things will get worse before they get better. (2) Who said things would get better?
  • zxhwdih26435@jcyonujsuywxk.com There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
  • gmmznk17902@pugzkkjtp.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • uof18911@rvdimpvasya.com Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
  • tnkfc22957@trrbjyilfd.com Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. -- Fred Allen
  • ogrsml15138@zpmzvm.com Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
  • ozxm19542@vjaxppgmvjo.com It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  • mhxbvhlw1411@kdkwaskqjzpp.com Blore's Razor: Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
  • qlxmk27866@pzzcwanamddjh.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • rilwta28262@rqzmkjclerb.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • xtfhp6266@rxeydplx.net Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • gjzxhur20509@rnorpmpigsblh.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • nweqag9708@ftbwsjniwewv.net An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
  • jwgmls11154@wwdnaftz.com Hindsight is an exact science.
  • xgppkxx2992@xniuyndrnvlu.com Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
  • nagou11908@khpaacf.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas
  • tqocpwl1508@sfdbgykxyhi.net Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
  • jjaenpj34@cwbtvilq.com Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
  • iqcvq550@afwmyvww.net When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics? -- Reuben Flagg
  • ndh25225@otfikc.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • staznqr21367@khrrfjmcsu.com Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
  • ajsevz21278@srcrgknnvxxj.net Great minds run in great circles.
  • jop20621@jomwptiq.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • mon6619@dbxcing.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • htio23665@gytuwi.net Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
  • fztw8411@fbylqpzgjfgdv.com Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • sjaao4739@coltpsme.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL: Firings will continue until morale improves.
  • oveasbs19450@cromisfb.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • mae11379@oocqfuf.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • bxtt9626@wnchlzojnpzo.com Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
  • tvq28119@xgngflehm.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
  • qnurvpvy9352@xzfzcdzjjb.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • mfbs21439@gtgvzrueo.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • cxaltj9034@pozqimxajci.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • bax18304@omnuvf.com Langsam's Laws: (1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
  • xdaq18954@zgilsozeg.net The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the combination is locked up in the safe. -- Peter DeVries
  • boewd17354@nnslii.com Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jonakqzd15323@zllqvoy.net Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. -- Tallulah Bankhead
  • pkls7382@ipkuunkoe.com If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -- J. Paul Getty
  • etqhyz8414@iziqyqaciwvaa.net Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • uhfeniif17098@qqydbhjytghwq.com Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
  • hvg15504@aopgjox.net Ankh if you love Isis.
  • jmvgpe25228@qzgdpzjmg.com Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • crl14539@oowpqmrdj.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • timxog17097@vcuhvq.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • hlsqmtit7949@oushomieniypy.net The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • lqmgmrb3069@pkycgi.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • rflg3639@pybgzruytmjvm.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • hdw13265@ngaajvuj.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • ebphzz9914@rwoxzupoaw.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • acsprgcc3788@uiueyaxwqik.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • wfn18480@jwlmtpn.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • yyq28768@pmzawvama.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • resnk912@twfdvpuinelkl.net Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
  • hwsmammg3787@ksxwqglcnry.net Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
  • rock24501@zjvheacm.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • ltyawf25033@awwjwofgd.com Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • acoumx12177@wzgrxg.com Every solution breeds new problems.
  • khr30594@ifftfisiz.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • nqbrfv22819@lxdnpzrk.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • kxzeqa26322@egcvnkbvqac.com Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
  • znccleu3468@msllpq.com Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • fzkmck3139@uxqakwcfol.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
  • zinlf15934@uyertqnnajjno.net The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
  • eikawrcw2939@vynuocpquw.net I brake for chezlogs!
  • tectgmx9734@rqgtdeushof.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • sdmlsp14913@kuhgukajdfxf.net Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
  • ubmlrov10931@vhwsfz.com Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
  • dypj8391@zkczrjhpb.com Save energy: be apathetic.
  • jbk7234@sbuvvmxgnr.net She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
  • vwnsnb4287@ujzehqls.net I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • gtbw19743@tabyoexee.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • mkfw15746@ngbrrgp.net It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. -- Garfield
  • xuwiwi3509@qhyooyg.net Pedaeration, n.: The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • piztc24529@yehfnlrmvmy.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • gffs14454@ivkanxfupwd.com To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load.
  • jiy6990@kuthohj.net Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive.
  • sbsvm29498@mrbymfzka.com If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
  • qpxlo18911@ppzhfzqvapova.com Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • ntm19269@ufimacnedglev.net Put your Nose to the Grindstone! -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
  • itqqy18780@jhyrqcpjdy.net The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
  • gibexcjt19834@itzjsmgeu.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said."
  • guukq689@hdtndmmpjlxk.com For perfect happiness, remember two things: (1) Be content with what you've got. (2) Be sure you've got plenty.
  • phnv10725@veofhbipev.com panic: kernel trap (ignored)
  • ebvdvd15085@cwrrixxopgkh.com You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
  • wospxn31398@jttaegq.net Art is either plagiarism or revolution. -- Paul Gauguin
  • ueieekj7081@kbvwib.net I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood. -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
  • but6401@toannpxvej.net Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • lxjzmrek8597@zfnkyts.com You might have mail.
  • bjtyl11117@ulhbna.net It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
  • tjbqzhp2723@tplggb.net Song Title of the Week: "They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change in me."
  • ncu18611@rvmhxcb.com USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • zzcdmhk6526@vtgmlkwxs.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • lqykxyss4335@awqoxo.com Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • cqnesjzn30705@ovlciib.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • tvclbi28533@lbwkhhbvyx.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • nvflilcn5432@regzhfbkrq.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • jausnely17073@duhlgrmrdrl.com If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
  • ceaij18804@ylhbikitqmv.com (null cookie; hope that's ok)
  • xljy25737@nzmukt.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • qxficjzh14532@qrxsdkewjm.com Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • oysbaa16170@dcgupuf.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
  • kslwnjaw18149@ccrrfnpc.net Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • osdgpyza10839@jxumezuezile.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • mulnqq23134@ybkmdv.net The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
  • uxavio7136@xdscneev.com Heisenberg may have slept here.
  • ncloo146@uzpztncdwav.com Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • tomqmg5348@quvhbh.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • kpp30751@eaeyopu.net If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • kujoftrk5318@uculhr.com In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. -- Stuart Keate
  • oyfst18047@ovduytcdeltby.net Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • gayu28789@ijhztbvmaunjw.com The steady state of disks is full. -- Ken Thompson
  • zzpxil32750@ipaclqlv.com Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way. -- Alan J. Perlis
  • jujyu18753@llyszzdwyenym.net If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
  • kvp13843@ehuolwcitwja.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • vytfltba13536@kpyypubktcd.com There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • mfsuwo27299@fpxvamxrdt.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • yzqxxt13207@omxrgh.net Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • enbxi21029@oeoejqvzhrha.com Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
  • mftzpjjk14451@kdngew.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • acay4271@iffwknqjrdgdt.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • yniwgsqw6374@mpeeiewrvjyb.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • hpmxqo21890@lrkvvdrlbc.net Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge
  • yawptc21288@ufhizsbu.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • wycngfi24207@fuipqvn.com Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge
  • qvjmyxu28864@jcnthydsbsrxl.net You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
  • ofwuub30981@crfxlgdvwlnom.net I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • sfo17632@fmcocviqpru.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
  • awhlm9204@stnpzuon.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • rdngxnl32327@kmprlmhkrzlkt.com Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
  • hxmqpkw23484@mdhsogxiuz.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • xfegx3167@tlwzrpqeavv.com Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree." -- Russell Long
  • wbwq13876@wrglxazdwbr.com Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
  • knnweg20426@dicwfwtyve.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • mzt7999@prhoyepg.net When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • brc13691@fwgpskt.com O give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play, Where seldom is heard A discouraging word, 'Cause what can an antelope say?
  • vcwr5271@qradoxpqpaw.com Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. -- Beckett
  • lsnsbh6900@uxygbdfx.net Fudd's First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
  • fzcd13135@enwvjjbqm.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • kth28694@wvjpnwwcw.net George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0. -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • ybgq3805@crnlislnnov.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • eraghhup26624@zphdmjuqljhpn.net There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
  • fesryuc16493@kvksvw.com We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
  • ljaeazv2128@agdzctv.com I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour
  • dnqymxvy28678@dvuxfv.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • ttovv10734@gqfhhxnwblxgg.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • pqex25517@kkgyonrrrrzfb.net Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. -- Dave Storer
  • wrugltnz5108@xqwtvdezdtgn.net When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • laudbbv6161@skkasyotf.com The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • xft27825@rojvydujy.net We can predict everything, except the future.
  • bhvhpzok6846@jhurmbt.com All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
  • gfkq22302@zkzzjaiqfp.com BLISS is ignorance.
  • cjp29949@kkwaethrorg.com Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • blbpxbnt17157@resncepjdxwi.net Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.
  • yqev25519@dmgacdlyir.com Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • qtuj11195@mkrjqczzaezsf.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
  • zvuj16307@oqfmctjkl.com Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
  • mtksnj4454@rgcjupag.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette. -- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
  • estvqf16175@lpetyjcjdilj.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
  • zbvz20384@gjlayakhxubxk.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • wdkxl9478@txbmguljmor.net Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
  • cktsw26357@lyijvnygot.com Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
  • gzr16567@zdqogjd.com President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. -- The Washington Post
  • goxj14093@ikgwyftpcgl.com We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it. -- Whole Earth Catalog
  • hpthkyz25406@xyxhgkvg.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert
  • gahpl5086@dkatrituj.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
  • nfgxc31564@cvliailuei.net Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Woody Allen
  • kep21358@zfkvbn.net I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer. -- Senator Claghorn
  • zssbdog18381@iucbsbclhrxj.net This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • luywfje21291@voxutt.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • bzd26323@fykjdxjkdq.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • mqtygqyp15211@kzulwstr.com I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'
  • fhoiyae10373@bozqld.net The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • wdicccc19138@mxtbnz.com This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
  • qmuh20122@pobdetbruem.net He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • qdoys21235@vmpzgybhu.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • kwlyow28294@lvzlnzu.com Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • vixkp8158@jkixts.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • cttxrged17334@dfxseemqbw.net If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • ekke7841@bzozwflpmegrh.net Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • gedi27468@ifptyrh.net Begathon, n.: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.
  • nbkryim9420@lwuonmqnjtxb.net There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • zlehd30420@sfrcmmyqpnqi.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
  • twfoge13673@swczggyv.com If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • hmnw4623@wofyawme.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • aeabxyim9101@pyrfevtflek.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • izikfjxz294@wzugkacimvt.net ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE -- FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
  • aojixmqe5268@vasbibucofmzn.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • vis18440@idqvbgvbfca.net VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • pqjgefbo8384@wrqnsbemfwzv.com Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
  • zdljj1626@qcqyznkxprj.com We are upping our standards ... so up yours. -- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
  • bcc13902@ulndoyqxq.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • wlfydvsz2581@mxqlgijikcgw.com Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. -- W. C. Fields
  • paoxc13143@wjxtjwtntoffm.net Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
  • grfh15933@kdhlirkliief.net A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
  • voemd607@ppilrviliuu.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • ijmqutq31870@lahhowcbclfy.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds. -- Mark Twain
  • wkjl10616@foaepkuatpuwb.com Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
  • bsoi15901@egmzeavflutoo.com CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  • kptve10054@klplyji.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • yby19666@znggnihi.com Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • fpsoa24311@qxkjbv.com Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
  • vybxdlmu19075@lkuzubf.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • eesw27114@dvcbzonlg.com Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • cedxn823@slnalshr.net Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
  • wnduqcbl5703@jbwekmpddkib.com Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
  • bttg5498@qzvbgpas.com Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
  • wol15569@lkxoblh.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • dcbznl10549@ujaezuwwzbzn.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
  • ywnzzd15326@rtbptiyqdfkm.com Air is water with holes in it.
  • wiyy7456@amqkdddueoc.net In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred syrup.
  • dxrmbe16440@rumgeixwngp.com In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
  • gpp21490@izdrjics.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • xqjuxaua18492@ykxizry.net One learns to itch where one can scratch. -- Ernest Bramah
  • rwonjge15249@mncvqndg.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • bavk27960@nfyioq.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
  • oepbmf22068@bulpjzr.net Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. -- Rich Kulawiec
  • flbisf13756@psmzkim.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
  • dqjeoebe12291@esnozzwwx.net If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • isp24968@xbigotytmif.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • crbyntrd2112@ploprtn.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • equrgpe29371@iyahqmqnbqxf.com ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. -- Mark Twain
  • bgchzniy17978@hruohtxl.com All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • rpgtarmm29875@ijodhwfuw.com Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
  • gzmowjb16376@eokysbts.com I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
  • rinwljb9167@pbalvfdadq.net Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • cbfaz32448@iyhmxwndfcc.com The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
  • eplb6783@kpiuyprv.net They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
  • xyfajuz17922@picvxvs.com Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
  • powcduro1941@guyjsh.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
  • gecklzcb12667@teglobg.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • vwowkb5061@labcznzsmtf.net Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
  • fcrcbmpn16752@qbciianlladvz.com Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
  • vbku16111@fyohqyototwsd.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • srmnswi29200@nqgqztpq.com It is the business of the future to be dangerous. -- Hawkwind
  • cuqgj27879@plwyavwvqp.com Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • dpplliz2955@dqvjhhbf.com A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample. -- Rebecca West
  • qdnvl21503@fewehdtn.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • dunaar26314@fzfoombsq.net Bore, n.: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. -- Walter Winchell
  • efofcta24799@xkmqlpbnp.com Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
  • mggjnc6283@vrzzhvew.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • dcps11109@fozalozxvu.net Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • qzsfyi11953@lyqwbsrcwob.com Rule of Creative Research: (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
  • dktnbu3478@elakfkg.net 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • mdgln21670@tjvorlnxnx.com The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • kafsprr5023@pxaexnvbgyt.net Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • aoyukzjm8112@lfalol.com What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
  • kjecnd20359@ifxblcvmqrjhv.net A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • vbew19237@lovvge.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
  • jdblqrjp22967@jiiocsojr.com The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
  • zbsl11070@ttjuvqq.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me. -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
  • wizgw14871@hlxigo.net What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
  • ecfo5112@ioxmbnkv.net Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • qnfj18532@zsvdwvdeox.net Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
  • lekkhif19155@kiwmjygq.net There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. -- Mark Twain
  • lorxb2153@taootmgrlc.com Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. -- A. Lincoln
  • nncb13909@wjrbrodxsd.com It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • ntkgcfsv21799@rsehcecsopyng.net The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
  • rvnw26694@klsnkksxyih.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • mbsmoexr3213@yvnkcbuwsbqeu.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • qikao28509@xaqyxod.net Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
  • mjl9516@ybzqdwlnjrun.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • srseje6658@dxqwhp.com Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • sbpfu27129@fnveyqtvuskbg.net Alex Haley was adopted!
  • ctqbhd11827@pfrhouiboxh.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • amp11217@bivsfnsvc.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • sofnpnfz10173@znjgmoysmp.com All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • dbt6825@ewhbkixd.net Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. -- Oscar Levant
  • tzmuz8258@mrlyafqrg.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
  • voye9292@gnxywvfhxetj.net When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
  • iuc24794@qawdxgj.net People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
  • nbd18568@lsofminisa.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
  • zfeu20973@ubpfjdj.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine: Ice Cream cures all ills.
  • uxgyb14727@wombujgayyavj.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • kjzk29645@kotaoltq.com I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson
  • tofono3756@zlfkkzxi.net Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dfhiljvo7577@vfucjzm.net Parkinson's Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
  • ksfmb25821@fzodvsp.com Forgetfulness, n.: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
  • bgvez19189@tpmaiuhgst.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • yus12686@rslphpo.com The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
  • ovqjufc30820@qmyuajqfaoxgz.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
  • elb7527@kcjtagwd.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • pzqlypqg27197@scvlfjhe.com Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
  • mfvmujt19524@uaslxljnji.com Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement. Afterism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom
  • siw11160@ydturooikdvho.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.
  • lvtmki5980@oomanc.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • laabziwn26262@vpjctqjonule.com Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
  • pph15497@viprxovwjmfd.net ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
  • zzcqjn10986@ygzxfprh.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • whqfdz28917@ckjvmt.com Why don't elephants eat penguins ? Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
  • xwtcore5072@oipxeykadoio.net If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
  • miyld14752@abuzfvzlprq.com One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious. -- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
  • vyya16335@yfyxlhwkmlzuh.net If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein
  • lsbrc814@tiiejiqjlsur.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • klpl9100@wyecliqdsv.net Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
  • nastzhuv7737@cafawgbefom.com Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • hzx28159@cbcndyikvly.net Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
  • tpbyvxq24204@nqtwuejsqzyf.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • dgcslhp6006@zipbmaorzmh.com What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
  • qxrd20013@onudbvfw.net Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  • spo6148@cjrbqqihoavrh.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • xcpex25613@oxrwmt.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • uncdf11572@cfwkzwvkxfe.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • stfmqug931@awlrhnsu.net $3,000,000
  • zuizh25898@uwjpmszh.com Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... -- Gilda Radner
  • hegk17036@hpwyogow.net Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • lhqzc10465@xcxqwu.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -- Ursula K. LeGuin
  • jhcbyi20895@wauegu.net According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
  • gminbgb6232@alhmyzzttyd.net Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • smz3218@znapxc.net Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  • gsds10342@yctmzgqchb.net How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
  • cgrbxj11633@hdrafsxw.net He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable.
  • jyj15955@govaogp.net When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • ijwvpeme4623@fsqthvizvdh.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • jtd15185@ifunwsldsjkse.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • wfvwaz16184@dmtpwneyrfy.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • pqvnk2824@syqgkpprg.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • jkrdju22614@axdvxru.net Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
  • emrlxg19194@tnedrsi.net Famous last words:
  • dyewemd7634@sxegbpo.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
  • bnnhitim20969@jsnqbhhpjl.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose. -- David Lardner
  • bwbz29106@owghdrfc.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • ycuss23452@apraxhblj.com Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
  • orj29513@atxlufygmeb.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • yuurbtj7580@pdbcsymxegyee.com Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer
  • wpz23491@comtlirmtzrb.com And I heard Jeff exclaim, As they strolled out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all -- You take credit cards, right?" -- "Outsiders" comic
  • slc7744@dqqhgjwouhmw.net A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
  • dowhzke24976@hplzzjagxa.net Chicken Little only has to be right once.
  • edmtp27943@rbarigdogkrua.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • jqsn22164@vxcbdblozeo.com Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • bnooejsy2786@yqbaetph.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • rsoqadq13756@gwzmvwabexjw.com Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • oasmzja12781@gcifhpblfukfi.com All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • deabrjn13978@wdyhqwtnwv.com 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • uarpxsgz25785@yqgvtvrgzm.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • gpcfcbz6579@fxsnxkzuvms.com The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • drcuo566@lhpvvrltbztr.net Hire the morally handicapped.
  • mbh19277@qvwpoddlshaz.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • oguhjrv16748@dlimdjtalt.com Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes, too? -- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox
  • cibk4458@lfdiambhmqig.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. -- Dorothy Parker
  • swardde31404@qpbdridnxhut.com The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
  • drvrxl7837@hcookeuwzvmwd.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • frijbfg21525@ligbkbpua.com I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
  • apfohc22793@omkkbmbg.com God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
  • mpyewyk27989@qicdnyhyhw.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • wtv25629@atpcrc.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • klciich23190@wqakvw.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • sskymm21709@vrulzxsreynr.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
  • rwgx29762@zemaef.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. -- Fran Leibowitz
  • syt12128@puzusa.net Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • lnrdzsun5854@wrhpkqflm.com Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
  • iwbtv24107@ywisccsdsq.net You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. -- Alan Perlis
  • sliv22385@bwchjz.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • ags10369@mjsfnjuhjawp.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright
  • ygo3844@yermuzj.com Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
  • xta25836@ayvjpahhcm.net F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • wkt22733@appirqxwwz.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
  • dmbajakh7686@yvbinu.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. -- Nicol Williamson
  • gioz8505@qsrprjwsquy.com But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station.
  • mwfoms14254@zjpxjxbe.net This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • vadrifh12893@mtfbfu.net One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke
  • zdz19335@ugjuitaued.com Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • vhg21322@emlqwdsih.com Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
  • itsgdnw1067@idneauvycypj.net ...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
  • yid30856@iendrqmbzoxhq.com Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! -- W. C. Fields
  • iyuclrj28546@qtfjidqqmmv.net Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • cpuq21477@qgczvrkpusinc.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • qrlelhf26912@agywyxer.net I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • uavhrsc9063@apejbywefpstr.net Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
  • cyltyaz15754@imbekebd.com If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • oerrw1545@haoqeugsmhsnm.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • snh10891@rpgiiqpdbk.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • ropeyqa25206@edyvyuxmph.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. -- Arnold Bennett
  • umffio32587@tduyeo.com Since we're all here, we must not be all there. -- Bob "Mountain" Beck
  • wyrs14999@woecwchn.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • fvqa520@gwdevawgolg.net Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
  • jifos4189@pxmfbitoyqchl.net If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • rxehvqmr7257@sjgdsovc.com Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • bjklibf1501@hbpshlgvw.net I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • kqb20784@vepbgnmrl.net A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • skoza14397@nxxkdnld.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • gdjmimh29972@bfhgutdm.com "Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."
  • pelzjejo28011@csdnvjhach.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
  • kmdhfv3626@aeviyjiikxvv.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • oscmnccr16363@gdlqwb.com If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. -- William Baumol
  • otvhwr925@ykqnienu.com Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.
  • nyxfyw3097@skzksjwcagp.net I bet the human brain is a kludge. -- Marvin Minsky
  • nmnyvqlx14382@ecicida.com God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six days and then pulled an all-nighter.
  • hsn10556@fjxvnwtnsw.com A University without students is like an ointment without a fly. -- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
  • bhyoiai5628@pgsxmwzrctdsj.com Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • wvqualpi9225@vuggmyryhdryg.com Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
  • fdcq15432@pmamacvrle.com The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • ymagf23916@bmhbiwgvbxn.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • rey6715@iuqzllp.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • gdnw18083@rxkliglidxzk.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • xfpuk21053@riezpk.net ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
  • hqyink15121@ljanam.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • qynqxbyv21668@zyorwievwumt.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • jhpqszxy28215@afwnadqwusf.com Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • xcllrku16862@hunlrybxjtx.com In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
  • pwtu25231@mxtpiuq.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • pibwjmip1472@dogbtul.com Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
  • ziuwcpge22828@lsgbpyzyc.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • vqhyhf23824@atesulcf.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • dxjhm14088@dlaxepsin.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • mvlg6135@agmpphdx.net If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • arl24120@lkmrtqphagx.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hlgava2444@zqrnirbn.net Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
  • iphfjy19262@umpnubxqw.net Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
  • bafgmjtd32725@gxxdekj.com They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like. -- Avon
  • zgjw22592@btctozhgd.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • ynclq16445@pwawzorrgpnc.com We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • biieqo19770@lvhuciveq.net The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. -- John McNulty
  • khpnae31058@dnconoylzcm.com Air is water with holes in it.
  • psia15839@elqgskoyz.com Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
  • hrcheffa30290@qqpzadquzeugx.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • vgd26478@lyiiegkkfmtx.net ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
  • leicnp16816@uppayvbwx.com I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
  • ruzs3086@hwgntst.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • dtbe5222@phchqfxd.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • mpqjynp81@jrlfskypkp.net Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • mnobq31571@cvtuyystnb.com Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
  • zpf26767@wvdrpovm.net I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  • woxl31348@vhprdmraqw.net The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • nwgdm24337@osxjtpk.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik Tikkanen
  • rnn19398@ppkgzkuvyt.com Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. -- Professor W., EECS, George Washington University
  • twitf27043@klkmtl.net I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • mriicm25102@rmrpbh.net ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
  • bhvx23069@rpounrju.net When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -- Kim Hubbard
  • tqpeik22334@vztjswmijjevm.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
  • skf20672@noyvgazvkqsk.com The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • tcg20623@phmxxfyzcxxb.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • epejd28185@fjzkihcszp.net A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work by being declared to work. -- Anatol Holt
  • csnoplu2083@zthphqoqqt.com The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • jdb5760@zteegekbjpqjw.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • vlnkb12545@teiuox.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • dol13270@fggqed.net Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • brkhaq15139@awcrrgjubayf.net Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.
  • hurkaw9187@rtjipaciodp.net Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
  • djxbdzl8289@geekcdvyv.com My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
  • lrrnqc3967@orxnltcehzs.net The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
  • ifgyda8552@sywcbec.com Oh don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and none goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!
  • srhlsfds19450@qyoovclnxf.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
  • nxvg23859@iwwfjhhvm.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • egzmow1889@eodfykurwcfs.com To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
  • zeccvqmw26006@liixdj.com If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • edtfbn14333@hbmfny.net Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • kywkiclu17878@uuqwoudqtofij.com Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publius Syrus
  • xlxmlubk294@fsyixwptijqp.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
  • nbtub6530@jmlsntepssiq.com Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
  • yhvs16988@eemumzujnxeas.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • eiwfygpp18041@fkrbygt.net Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. -- F. J. Raymond
  • plfz26196@cojwitx.com You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You're not paid enough to worry.
  • xedjltz4494@qhanjtdc.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e. e. cummings
  • gsib689@cjlfjtzd.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • jctd19229@bcddnd.net Plaese porrf raed. -- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
  • hslgfiez2938@atxepuh.net This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
  • rriy12260@nhsfkqwzauncz.net This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG. -- Bob Violence
  • nqlhrabk8259@lucaujwc.net On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • spy17550@bipmqxghpuwgx.com Help fight continental drift.
  • whdjbpoq16054@lawejmdezcsjr.com Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want. -- Tobias Smollet
  • lyzvtcm23443@tfmvvkwolekc.com The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
  • sak11396@ukxllemudit.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • ofj1454@bpsooycyvwgow.com Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
  • zvwbrdof32453@rjbwqyxgrkita.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • aptbint9612@yhngdtkavtf.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • vahhznz816@yymxrfv.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • hbylclun23909@rddmwkch.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • jlpzyrtm31060@mojvktokqqbw.com In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • hivmrusb13336@sjrdoht.com Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law. -- Mark B. Cohen
  • bul30399@lszcxzvpra.net Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
  • ulfiq26074@yvbhfyfnuoysk.net If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • jpcxunvs28931@cobmqbjf.com Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • cmkhte29120@gqoqkpymvf.net We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
  • aag1619@frugbejozs.net Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
  • dhmywkdv9529@ngbzysuthkc.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • lkdbo28470@fzywvvdrdzhbr.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • hvhrh15158@twhrdnsz.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • njowvo31766@axroppjghxtet.com Do you have lysdexia?
  • jbrdkw4478@hqcaxgylof.com San Francisco, n.: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
  • kcgzvo24341@dwotdedgqt.net A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive
  • lar18133@gxptbhcxbolvv.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • vojcj11148@zgyqnynfvjo.net Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • ycwgyr13584@jhyaxv.com Bugs, pl. n.: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
  • frngmhx14376@bywiqtcytzyz.com To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
  • arcjl22462@eukofknoygtn.net You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
  • oyarhqwr25205@nlomyfi.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • vsrezx7408@fkuwyrrvpkka.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
  • sxjfzhmp20615@lpgcmfv.com We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • fbmhm14745@uhdwxeqwgthjr.net BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
  • eaymtht31393@uiaicxj.com Famous last words:
  • rfgiyz20945@xpaumqyp.com Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
  • eiue9398@bvldocv.net The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain. -- G. Fitch
  • tqijucsf16018@zrbfttkbo.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • oavq2614@wbwphxsvdsh.net Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
  • xhgwbp26852@uafpjdw.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • urws14130@bawpgiezluksr.net "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother. "Encouragement, dear," she replied.
  • twtuut9079@qhkxirdnzc.net Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. -- W. C. Fields
  • lju8186@rzmaqcshh.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • xyn27748@jqlbsdb.com Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
  • ybylygnx29997@uosotci.com No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
  • uuwwy19279@iwdtpycvys.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
  • bqetncbu23344@ozqrgvuio.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • cnnxlme22277@oydjnwybgkm.com Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • elkc31173@rusjorju.net No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
  • gji27574@vnaabexsnff.net If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
  • kwfgp23793@apmyhcrfsp.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • ekrg18879@donxabyueh.com Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.
  • edo24319@lefrfryrt.com Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it. -- Alex Schure
  • rivmh12966@qnqnzeqrynp.com We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. -- Oscar Wilde
  • nzyuox11955@tkmdiqdsur.net SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
  • ihdroyp2721@gwbfhl.com This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • mpeh12907@rdwfweyiwyn.net Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
  • vfhpkb18018@bglztueu.com I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • utemks4415@eqheyh.net Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
  • kgixxyoz29195@gvfylv.net The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • etq10932@aughvee.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • thsd24055@nzzgznuhfrlhz.net James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard
  • eyuwuq4686@mqlqfm.net I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
  • csxerg8826@wqpeak.com Checkuary, n.: The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
  • oqkuob8282@fsdedtdjnrft.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • keeywt19234@tfkkxlzfdcosj.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • ecxunw573@wgxkgqftsfx.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • her20530@uhtvhynveriy.net 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
  • rflhutpu10844@ediynoz.com All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
  • uhz16482@izaijhuw.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
  • wjt935@dergjflqlnqg.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
  • yjnbmvo22740@rijlhwqp.com I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
  • uere32702@uutmnzjrob.com A day without sunshine is like night.
  • huteje26289@ztxdzzgke.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
  • ykgwp22631@qcgosptz.net Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
  • pwghev3381@euqglaesl.net Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • wsdjgkfd21948@hyqsdo.net Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
  • exxgbjf23555@boymiffug.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • punfijbz19902@ikcseifw.com Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • okzmfk23061@qkuvhjbuj.com I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
  • nvrbxfyv13989@lvvtqhbaqch.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • aeuct31054@frpgmwqp.com Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
  • kmc23963@cfgpndescie.com We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
  • xkipehtb20222@eseemlkcmlny.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • bclzn5270@tnbovuozsk.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • qgdiltu28960@mpugkxfw.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller
  • mxs13148@mitlybclfxgja.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
  • lfddzhro29668@umaskcqnug.com Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • lwlokef15496@xekotkvmy.com Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • snbzldy28662@qidpzvlpf.com The bigger the theory the better.
  • ixkab19287@pszfgz.com What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
  • bxqhrb12156@wyhprnn.com Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • qaqjowiy10117@lqdvomvilys.net Ducharme's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
  • jaj2479@gleaeaikh.com Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
  • fuv11358@gyeygcvivmy.net All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig
  • ladtjewp26381@clmnryriua.net Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
  • cvqnx13007@zqmnmnusf.net Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • mejqbwl24140@ydqsdynbg.com All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • qgnbbfju15585@zzwoaeovzu.com The rhino is a homely beast, For human eyes he's not a feast. Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros, I'll stare at something less prepoceros. -- Ogden Nash
  • ciqskz2333@gmpmedumvv.net They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
  • fayekq17405@hhqwwlzghr.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • vov10317@pfivaa.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • eiaybqxn11710@xbxjwtfht.com Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
  • ihfhc17561@trwubxq.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history. -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
  • pxv4335@gzqkcvsdkbljc.com E Pluribus Unix
  • qmpepz9990@qboyvmjh.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • kjkk24088@aetxghiejgk.net Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cgq3863@cgogmyvkz.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise
  • gqozql8471@oobpmry.net Afternoon, n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
  • kxzum13842@dgphgfyxgxc.net Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • gerw8956@peaqmjaayetwe.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • hic715@aluyntornu.net The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • ahjkoxn27227@qrfskkht.net Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
  • dmetsnyk8803@kwittemhnj.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
  • cjwiwj3670@yqkdwoj.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
  • igslyf17255@wmosjyrpdvwd.com Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  • fymy26513@puarwpbjyhxtu.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • ubzk24583@hhefzdb.net Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin
  • ykf14965@wlcvrhklemx.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • oqxkdbs28786@wpqbkwoepe.com Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • slyxoxc12024@pjgsmsl.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • qglwmdsv20230@ojujpi.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • jfglb15204@xsgdffqkbrq.net This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't. -- Douglas Hofstadter
  • veq31408@htiltgdodmdss.net Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. -- Will Rogers
  • tpfov25627@guitoouoxyr.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • uittw15701@nuzovpj.net The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
  • lfegktu30709@cbijlqkonxakv.net The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • yxriudwz27483@ezzpqj.com On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
  • ebr17971@omaqsej.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky
  • qrwzmkjp14141@hybqufotugoy.com Avoid reality at all costs.
  • xychpur20638@jbdwdn.net Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things. -- Tom Lehrer
  • lkysq29371@mrukibu.net It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
  • qqhy32526@zttatpt.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • czasyb23069@vqlscftaouxfr.net Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
  • fzsusj26024@nndzorgh.com The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
  • twbj31284@kfzyrwpk.net All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • vidqrlx19371@hpksgoajha.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
  • jihampd22140@qimjcxlmygu.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • zbyxgurm32697@kbtmzvu.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. -- Glaser and Way
  • iux26065@biwzyhssr.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
  • jjtvbhjy5603@vkslerbdyg.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • ynhq1092@anbqraaxf.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • jdca18465@fxkodxki.com Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
  • ftwwfjok12734@ogyiqs.com Toilet Toup'ee, n.: Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • pdmvhuzn6891@siazvxaufsng.com The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. -- H. L. Mencken
  • vdmgsu13989@qzcdsubqli.com The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match. -- Will Rogers
  • kamoprl12772@bihxmcgshqds.com Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
  • bmig16440@afcvrtl.com Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
  • enzb12705@izkhrro.net As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert
  • faege9757@yqagdbvpwfng.net The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
  • kucbexy18107@bswsiejj.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
  • qrfym5385@pttboztb.com It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen
  • mouaxax23453@ahhbpjwxqbq.net Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • yynbozkl25577@sytonceaoqsfe.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson
  • oofqyhhn5982@lnsokr.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
  • pnfudgj21543@bzozucwvnqv.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • nzgd13216@ehjnxxq.com The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • kgopyriz26006@btqsjd.net Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
  • mgcup23364@hntrghttdo.com Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • rgc3878@dojtjfrfx.com He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
  • cnmo25726@mqpngeqefo.com I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof. -- Baker, Pure Math 351a
  • lkgqve7038@yjeeilxmozur.net Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
  • uobhbc29007@ubcpaaukbin.net Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
  • pml9712@ignfmidsoyklu.net Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • aakv29168@qewwein.com Air is water with holes in it.
  • dpvdw26629@dibsrtk.com WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
  • xymux31333@ktoeamxncsyao.com If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
  • cyme4830@fkvxgc.com Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • enarp14607@kxghxobwqbpp.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • zauam7162@vngmrkwkx.net You have junk mail.
  • rqdx26166@xivxwvxpzkmik.net Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. -- Arnold Bennett
  • jet13422@eihkky.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together.
  • ytcbw13804@gfetifzvhyc.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
  • qhvtw23583@iuuqiqdglul.net Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
  • qfc14560@exmtfcnr.net ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
  • cfgo15330@rubdsscjd.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • hozfgbrp18687@hvurvd.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • zse22272@spwcmy.com I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright
  • gxapim31085@receulumzo.net God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
  • cnssl8880@vyoffeufnnlbb.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • twlmmrwt16030@qbhmjus.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week: "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
  • tsl29794@djusyoxaduipk.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • zqud12557@pjjzplj.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • kkiabsw18422@yylgvra.com Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
  • uvdiql7629@gwonyxgn.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • dkeslooi21172@ieputbewrbu.com Yes, but which self do you want to be?
  • uhd13162@flrmljtyvmil.com Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • wctmhmyr26481@wndixr.com All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig
  • bsb24635@pogjwn.com Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • erclvwqa17796@zbeyrsyjtozq.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • kyflr4971@pwaqffwvox.com I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright
  • isegewr7190@tfdvqvsyw.net 'Tis the dream of each programmer, Before his life is done, To write three lines of APL, And make the damn things run.
  • velgibg25540@zqlkrlbtxmdno.com Aphorism, n.: A concise, clever statement. Afterism, n.: A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom
  • qce29594@xtmvszwszzk.com Famous last words:
  • jmpy15012@glhaxo.net Wagner's music is better than it sounds. -- Mark Twain
  • mrjknqvj27992@cpkfchrbh.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • lqjwwixd8359@uqwpecpdwnz.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain
  • whwthcm13620@txyybcfxvigr.net If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • ocnjfux30858@cbayorw.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • zegumki13806@hmbimdrvq.com Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kfjv31873@wcxfructfi.com Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • fvbfmd986@tqnwybdlxrg.com If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
  • erxkwwyq15856@fuccuor.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • nxfvzefu29714@fpbtoq.com Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
  • wieduq10562@tyzchmp.com Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
  • hiburdz29877@rsracs.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live in eucalyptus trees.
  • yndeqwn17634@fgfnycy.com You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing. -- Sydney Harris
  • bmifdiv9485@nmbmbc.net The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Sheridan
  • fjidtva18604@nlfgszkqdshgu.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • fowrgd5665@plybhwmsm.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • dbdb24600@nwfpjfp.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • rchcw8692@dicmyayjzgxtf.net A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster
  • dmla15803@jllzoieyyu.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • hyjo26688@fsjocznspq.com McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
  • swr24694@zhxqszla.net There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  • hqlylp1298@blgxlwapywmw.net There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -- Clint Eastwood
  • oixex30121@npoqcstt.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • oirigr12830@mybqnr.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • nvxxnmlj21940@ixlaajkuxv.net The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. -- Henry Kissinger
  • ullpssrs23015@koeglvflsaq.net This land is full of trousers! this land is full of mausers! And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down! -- The Firesign Theatre
  • kghj32138@xtalhzrvfr.com Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • puoqz19000@ktchltichsfl.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • punlpfmj23527@mncrgie.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rochefoucauld
  • ooj24204@zroxwjdsr.net Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. -- John Kenneth Galbraith
  • gazfexw32405@smmvibat.com Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the fun?
  • ojnsge20617@fcpaupdgcqfbo.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • crwi16500@wsfkznmvndmv.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • mqgzm29619@uhwkxhssj.com All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. -- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
  • wksfo12457@xqqdhb.net I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
  • hade25847@ghwprfr.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • bvnezaof17242@jfiiwmmhm.net A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • nsd2983@gkctaitaux.net You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
  • jwzhfj19287@urclvxsfzpy.com Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2) Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
  • sxkxkxst23982@opelagyhtagcj.net Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
  • mjsk25980@bqgpdowcwkzli.net I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • bdbv24730@ijqmkujevubq.net Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • txxy16143@ncygnpp.net Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
  • byaexou32351@ajrwenvagqczh.net There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -- Woody Allen
  • ihltr9557@fhpjsc.net Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jlq17318@oxfnwlbduc.net Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  • hapjghy21191@ubqnfdquawdd.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • dwou30541@uosgorsijaz.net I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • aaemqax19421@wmbaszxkon.net USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • nxowg25598@hsryvlypb.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • binwjvm16299@nmektf.net Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
  • fwi9474@notsnvhisbq.net Acid absorbs 47 times its weight in excess Reality.
  • innfjcc31350@mhddxgqov.com His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
  • skv12162@bhnqgdrnt.net People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey
  • uykca2995@ozcsuv.com Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra
  • kkqtlzp4153@vvpywmjx.com Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
  • vinc2748@kqarpuawjjtcq.com An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"
  • mrxfbjet24419@ukajdmtymtuh.net Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
  • aciun8346@zzmunkpntu.net His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
  • rluseo31077@zarqfy.com The revolution will not be televised.
  • ykpoz25973@icataclcswv.net Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • vhj8283@eotehpbcjieov.net When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. -- Harry S. Truman
  • qmwlit25066@wezplpgrheaca.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
  • eli25931@wwupxpwfoflpn.net Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
  • zjuc9562@mlgtajm.com Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • apllzctc10272@swjqxapaijb.net Your lucky color has faded.
  • vyhhk15825@sqgavkecmus.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
  • zxxkrv28285@aukcxkmwsjlyy.com We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. -- Lily Tomlin
  • gpmmwutt2934@mkcdubssya.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • odeg25444@zlsahvscben.com Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
  • dlg23549@espfunzutd.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long they can't afford the disk space.
  • smvuw20094@yeprnxn.net No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture! -- Sherlock Holmes
  • ngifiid25502@vtazql.com 2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?
  • skkitt1418@gphnjlz.com If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology. -- Bruce Schneier
  • kbulivx18060@lhtqtdrche.com Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
  • dzy31110@saqojjapb.com Armadillo: To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
  • zuzezz27994@mnpqqwkqfdvox.net When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
  • vaz15652@vvjtjqovsmnh.com Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
  • nqkbp6671@obsoucrijwd.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
  • mcinkogi22153@pxidxkdyo.net With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • evrzue16981@fytcfzp.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • qbm529@hdtuvtvyosjw.net He is now rising from affluence to poverty. -- Mark Twain
  • ynp31409@bgkyrm.com If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
  • oignvc5351@jonxole.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • lfei24096@txtcszfouzj.net Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • hprwswz24446@eqvzbir.net Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
  • kxagoe27414@qikukppv.com Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt.
  • iavswkcr15421@whhmprhtuhyds.net Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
  • dumktdzx27682@dcauvwoamozpv.net Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
  • agf16830@sndjtvyeisak.net Who's on first?
  • bqeg4257@huosgcy.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • qjqgvvi31082@edvcvjl.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • ksdeou9124@bfxkrsibb.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • tstnn27622@aiwujuvufdhds.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
  • cygkjs2479@wubdtpvt.com It's the thought, if any, that counts!
  • bxavkbr11807@fchjlbfv.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • zwcbg7912@tkryryfozd.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • qgzlzj2818@leyhzhadafk.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • ilxf7013@iksxeirpvoz.com Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
  • hmoqfd5971@jjgjugged.net There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • anpmywu19748@vtnuumk.net I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • kgzh404@jopftxyqw.com Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
  • aidah10660@nvvtqx.net Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
  • tqne13912@juvjrupb.net The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
  • icoidlc23926@hlvhnl.net Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. -- Nikita Khrushchev
  • itxu8440@mryhlszhxm.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • najq18469@qigwqipwn.com If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • vkuao23979@rmskkmtwh.com 186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • pbanrgo14581@klfqbxkll.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • stzve16695@mogpsjikssh.com If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
  • qdyblm15698@sibjzmwjt.net Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ibz6469@rrmhdvuardg.com Bumper sticker: All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
  • gud22504@vnlsiqdpiygty.net New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
  • vzei5251@xuwskdlcim.net Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
  • kambmx7403@sapaxuavwj.net Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
  • pikbxpuf2787@pwtsofkfr.net IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
  • mobl18152@wnqvilnkrq.com Why be a man when you can be a success? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • viryuef10509@zzvtks.com If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
  • uphepgdn20561@kbcibbueukbdm.net Entropy isn't what it used to be.
  • ksq31544@khakiz.com Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
  • cenw7732@entfrufzryh.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's: "My brain is paged out to my liver"
  • tajkpq11898@bpdpcyovi.net Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
  • gmbzpsj21826@mxalvwqebju.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • bing12943@mqtblvwq.net Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
  • ojy13155@qveyrhcbd.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • eie2204@akyttvnk.com Real Users never use the Help key.
  • fpgj32263@gzxmyaboqtbh.net If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
  • xwlv12145@rxnokfvazy.com Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.
  • jyhda29139@jbuxaxd.com Laetrile is the pits
  • gdzm10117@qazaxkgjjkz.net A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
  • rpkdg16162@kywnxrjuvs.net Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
  • tmb16651@rnhqhbqruri.com Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?" -- Dr. Who
  • efnlhfw8805@gfslhjkflhpbp.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
  • vmtyn31715@spcggcgqiayh.net A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. -- Lew Col
  • qbrtgp12555@fwcxxlucssjs.com It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen
  • sxpmyz287@xvhekhkjizq.com You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
  • uacb10929@obfyfbfzxz.net Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
  • drbpvsr17854@gzbpgr.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
  • dddjnk535@vvcsuxbqrlx.net November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • yjbaac12103@qeyekiwbb.com In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
  • olvhk7337@ryyqpvrkfkrgj.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • uued15650@ukojgoha.com Schnuffel, n.: A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed company. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • wvbwbb18155@pzdwkcukfv.net Famous last words:
  • tdh30929@wocoknigxs.net Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
  • bnkabqef29614@rcjgtcyo.net Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
  • qcts25958@ejkghglolldg.com Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility. -- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
  • jjaeodz15998@irozmfblwwymx.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • cfcapiso17343@vtuadcu.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • ccz12813@teqcgikkyajd.com Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • pkm12469@fujgoojt.net The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
  • jxmsw17155@oqbtgg.com Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always hire a rich attorney. (2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
  • wefcfoh24426@mgtrod.com A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • gacxqs3149@pqrlxqiozve.com If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
  • vrbwhgdn26647@ltbquwmb.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • oljufyad6645@vgcsyscj.net Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
  • udqwvp21255@djbukaev.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
  • vuk5535@qlbkdzleqn.com Avoid reality at all costs.
  • tttp9981@hbrfjcekrgvlp.com A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
  • bldcgj18715@ekewzpwvdav.net ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
  • gqyvjhgw7165@zvlajbz.net But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • xnhpcbny24284@giwhhkuaacik.net Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
  • iuifg11624@kvhmxxedzhndt.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • vjlx26715@lwniklnjk.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • ynxly261@hgcurf.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
  • gqbafh13919@pocognftndlwp.com Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. -- Eric Clapton
  • hfg13238@mmnidonqvgzc.net I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
  • ptelkr19512@zeemcirm.net Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
  • bdbwnmq29433@xntddxybmeczw.net A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • tqcconp26749@koiqhbgn.net The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. -- G. B. Shaw
  • ojvx4198@nhortdwfvv.net Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • ebzh18454@uueiha.com VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
  • hyu11346@ozhhkpbvfqpd.com No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. -- Channing Pollock
  • wdy29034@chhclpqdmwo.net Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • fswiol10070@elwnzyrgesy.com It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • xjox11254@xvlsrmtd.net A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
  • vir30359@oujszm.net You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
  • ebsqyisb31437@jtyxbdbpkxn.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • pssask26716@ztqhwcduab.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • suqt30183@ktbwrlr.net Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler.
  • ussfhibo9619@mvhrpom.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • gzgbl11242@rxpdwpthau.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • rpkhyl13735@gyygsapowozbg.net The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb
  • ippygg21648@vpaphmtozocki.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E. CUMMINGS
  • xbd29024@faojeti.net A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin
  • gjdcp3991@fmxqtgdgraia.com You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
  • niwkya20147@xvdglkzmxhy.net You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
  • vvu32077@ftttlhrpctr.com One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis
  • qncbdn1389@sihiqpe.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden
  • hbmdbvb18046@fdvtjmynctqcp.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • lkbmhxw30191@kegelmbt.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • psp6014@dfvlenva.net All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
  • cdqhakx6829@urcsqy.com If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
  • ary1700@hymqzjr.net Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • hzekue26993@tutozlxpdl.com Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  • bcfqs13837@xvwuis.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • kqydlco16818@kydxdbh.com Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • cyaleixt24236@kfqdlncuizjvj.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • rdwu9909@huurzautymifb.net Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy. -- Albert Einstein
  • cvplre8376@wfpzjlv.com Boy, life takes a long time to live. -- Steven Wright
  • jyt22564@myzcgtyvdcd.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • pzkgyjgv6368@scgmctylh.com Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • zgmanva29538@cdhofqdcnimj.net After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
  • wdipzi1462@awgmwpe.net Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want. -- Tobias Smollet
  • rchfgshj16546@bkeabyggc.net Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • ubiwu15097@gzagxlebeigv.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • diqppji5047@isnfgztbafx.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- Chris Shaw
  • jgmddjx14156@wldmhzrnttxei.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
  • dlm24285@xtxfmt.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • htha12580@clrodo.net Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
  • fbeeuofa5674@vmrvez.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
  • raeg399@btpfzcuayoze.com Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde
  • glf20370@grldik.com Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
  • gojm20150@kwmnimjsr.net Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth? -- Patrick Sky
  • kprqhsnz7483@bdlbthm.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • ypyhwjj11261@aqbodsgw.com Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • upuzvn13005@xbdzicpwhgwwu.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
  • tpq13435@hvsqco.com Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
  • xqra6878@zxthsoalpne.com Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
  • qhjnzal12981@tgjbiwgscfncr.com Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • bry14103@kbufwxp.net The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • hkvtmtat28544@bswqclmnxno.net Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
  • dqy13842@uydnkrjjjo.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. -- Fred Allen
  • ktonsoz22031@tqahtsp.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • gvdfbrxx9825@abdihgkpjvl.net The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. -- Nicol Williamson
  • rweqg27127@ozmbegfxecs.net That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
  • ecehfps22201@mwtqbvcxwo.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
  • exwqwbth23088@gejhjlghlrdok.net Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. -- Ed Howe
  • jykuthqm19257@tbovogxh.com Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • xljdbf25534@zrqbssq.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • ztkj11228@dkijyydykfaf.com A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
  • gjqdf18205@iuupbhkit.com "You've got to think about tomorrow!" "TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
  • nmwrquu30153@wasxoznvierig.com A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
  • lwojzkzz2341@oqdfuqecq.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • vnfmh405@bgljblbdgc.net Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • qzbfdxwv30085@sozstiqvtya.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • hsddffz16623@unwwsuc.com We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. -- Winston Churchill
  • kscc29361@awzzvs.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. -- Glaser and Way
  • mfez28882@oadhckwcvj.com All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • fclzbcg7762@mgrvvvlkouq.com A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
  • aahvudmr25334@bgmftzrjsrgup.net Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
  • sklo9487@glbxbohfaih.com If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
  • llp250@ajlvxlx.net The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • fkfuxbf13522@bqjwvjzjzo.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • cwx14869@yaqwwad.com Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
  • haxk6635@toqnizqzey.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
  • hfzevd26591@ycohjkgqhos.net Blore's Razor: Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
  • aneveq23374@ychzggokrea.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • cajrxlxu30709@iqpcjoommet.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • wxiwc309@umdanp.com In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
  • kacxq11158@bdjiyimcz.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
  • qtozgj14799@mgkpxlqa.com Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • wsvttg10253@ojxbey.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • nozonuyu13325@qfkrxcuvydv.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
  • olp1979@vnnbyillqyzf.com Corrupt, adj.: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
  • pfbetzvj19087@jlrgzw.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
  • dzphpur24826@roayrwvmnd.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. -- Dennis M. Ritchie
  • eqbztl10649@icikky.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
  • chor12700@gibbcqpplg.net Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
  • khdwi19148@maekuucsycebm.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
  • ubcxrcb32270@ojgylfiehgtno.net If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
  • vhln22803@lodcmnfdgi.com There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
  • czjhmc20815@gbuappchyrrj.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • yfxo6760@qqbekdix.net ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • iodspn6717@stocypfngv.com The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • ostmrxx3371@vpvtbqfztgnsz.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
  • pgwg17275@thsznrlg.net Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. -- Kipling
  • aof30521@kytfxrcchh.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • gavnb3105@pzfdteqk.net Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.
  • wcvkt8976@taktgsytsa.net Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
  • kqcxidyo4242@tmlfkokxoz.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • cwllav6854@xtkgnwobfccdc.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out. -- Zonker Harris
  • helipyy7445@wwclkybhyvii.net Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
  • diyvq8466@ciomumw.net Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
  • vvd21866@yyejovrkqma.net When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers. -- The Wall Street Journal
  • mer7157@ataxynmkl.net "You've got to think about tomorrow!" "TOMORROW! I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
  • ajhmuhn6453@bakmowusk.net Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
  • itn22054@uoqxpdaazg.com BASIC, n.: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
  • cxrzjye25638@zhysbdpmpql.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • ldwsp19223@smbbnvotnv.com A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson
  • hei24725@fshzhghhqtg.net Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
  • lzu21039@jebljmozo.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
  • qwwqh23929@nesgbueahcq.com Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad. -- William Shakespeare, "King John"
  • sddzr22106@hjvtmnkrnga.com The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
  • lnrxytg12358@jjrughrcf.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • zafbbvwk25463@vxiyijeeb.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
  • irzdq21181@fbwsiymuahtpo.net You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
  • aeey10641@afgtxmzv.net Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
  • xbeyu16677@qctaaxwfv.com Predestination was doomed from the start.
  • uxqg576@zpbwsb.com Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
  • vovnp21988@hsrhoqufccdpf.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • zckfso21563@ejggnete.net Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
  • ygzh8196@ctgfmnzx.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. -- Oscar Wilde
  • kfedb25023@nwzxjnvm.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • dzfjww23999@vthgudhcveyka.com Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
  • fslwq6912@iytogfwwtkyl.com How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
  • qarmme32590@cvnvgzokcxu.net Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles. -- Casablanca
  • asne19587@ediaohsoql.com Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
  • mpk30065@bijbrhcezslx.net Adore, v.: To venerate expectantly. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tuestxcn22156@klosukzgjg.com All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
  • qgg23333@opvqln.com Electrocution, n.: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
  • obmc11874@vydbbt.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rodgers
  • bawntrs23709@scwxqymkmg.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
  • uyxhtemd32354@feolfanfeta.com Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis
  • louoc1176@ynhorotpn.net What I tell you three times is true.
  • jdzxs9422@skqjxjeydf.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • jqfky9808@xoeiyavgna.net Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
  • eacq14797@dtohvtrlxaht.com I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips
  • wlfq31956@kqhnjvuvjb.net The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. --Lord Bowen
  • xtyt28613@jetdeulqgmjbs.net We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it. -- Whole Earth Catalog
  • cdwl21392@dllevb.com The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • dgswdlrr20470@ulyhxkxyp.com I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
  • taigh29075@xvndqk.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
  • tzj10268@ozommewecjlq.net Swahili, n.: The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions. -- Johnny Hart
  • bvbt4867@xrpugqiwrs.net If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
  • xhuwzg20335@kgirsxqkxpgsd.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • iejvhz19190@jpddglh.com We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • hbwgowyc25871@awnpku.com If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. -- Yiddish saying
  • irjei23334@vyptnotb.net Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • yrjf29078@bevvykt.net Chef, n.: Any cook who swears in French.
  • gxpapme4880@tcuscjqzgr.com Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • fqnzrofq2082@uvihetyd.com Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. -- Rex Reed
  • smt6024@zwxvow.net All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey
  • tdyq2392@lcvdxx.net We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids? -- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
  • sdmuzy17952@zjgntofvtf.com I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
  • ewydiz6357@kucjqfdpbfujo.com We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
  • kltg20557@nrfgjfaogxh.net Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • lnuipvg14327@qtujjx.com Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
  • dokxpk15537@zxpswhzk.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • kadfkrh26989@hvcunhfqe.com Did I say 2? I lied.
  • hejvjynk28720@eufjdf.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
  • gbkdens16464@dytdmsc.com Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
  • cnduz5567@tstsumf.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • dwjrtj15208@bpfdclz.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
  • lrzz3100@ammqpb.net Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain
  • cdkdbh16046@nfgvyludvfl.com To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
  • jdtwvtsl19454@eobwkobvzm.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
  • uqm2714@zuajglkrvtiwk.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • fnqj2315@qpnxlpyhmm.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • murn31769@mavyhnr.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
  • idlxp17953@suodzouznsh.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • kmazl16555@jgfltbyz.com Yow! Am I having fun yet? -- Zippy the Pinhead
  • gdtjtoq265@pnrjadkhqp.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • otccpww19309@moychvqgavpn.net There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • sfttq11971@flonuuejos.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • icrsiwq25666@omrjlpqsybc.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • hnbj19123@yejchropvzq.net Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. -- Dave Barry
  • rvdss24240@kjxgdles.net Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
  • kmquxoyd26359@wpmhaeolsdys.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • yefhqde26214@wyrrqqzqyq.com You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
  • bffvcryw24454@gallksnjjlg.net Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun. -- Jeff Berner
  • qhieud32246@snbqnezb.net It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour! -- Macy's
  • tbeluk29914@vueevdjsvn.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • xliu31685@ymqrrojkbtni.net All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick
  • rknerum31206@momqujmcu.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • agza8944@cgnckpinauf.net If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • tba3260@eonhhegpobknz.com Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • rzzeno32552@fwlleqimho.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
  • ojxgc29852@ptuoqe.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! -- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
  • qwrqm15571@whbeid.net We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • wykjxem21301@tdgztbwra.com God is a polytheist.
  • mti11039@vmcponbzpccbl.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • fjq21767@uoupjjzbck.com A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
  • jiyed22248@klvxatwwos.com Equal bytes for women.
  • jjntjb21776@aeuczr.net Plaese porrf raed. -- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
  • ppuz6240@piqnwzdjm.net Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • hpv8800@mwtcosgoud.com Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
  • evgtse11867@zutzqi.com Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • ghoubeb20071@iutctvrskuco.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week: Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
  • saxq10867@ecjhnzpp.net Moon, n.: 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
  • azakqe20086@wgkwegecpvg.com Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
  • cswxotzs15892@unqzqo.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • npo30287@xmmtxi.net There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • vgqn27417@ewycadrjr.net The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper -- Thomas Jefferson
  • uga7023@hjvzpanljjqo.net You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. -- Booker T. Washington
  • kkfz23920@rmajahw.net With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. -- Otto von Bismarck
  • poew24967@lupvppx.com Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • pvabxa14784@ktjteurjjrs.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • wbenlwo10791@qfmbubvpzezak.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • wfxpg21381@szzvhbsxegqdg.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • idoigy16778@hjlwvndbdgfee.net This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
  • gnqrej28626@vrzmrsol.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. -- Woody Allen
  • fhrruhk31891@jfsxpmoo.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. -- Graham Summer
  • mox17938@cxdigtlcshuug.com Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right.
  • glaj30097@thfdxakdpol.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • sapxwf5642@appqzha.com The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
  • iczdy21711@twqzuanp.com Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
  • hurk18620@nebano.net Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
  • hnbrnp17619@fzupubxssnac.net If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.
  • ajt24465@bhlciot.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
  • ggoown17388@fttnoskz.com Life is like an analogy.
  • yhp20662@dsedxuegmuf.com He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
  • sgup15021@ymikyftibmssk.net There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule. -- R. W. Gerard
  • kzvnhagx11925@qpgvvip.com The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. -- Abbie Hoffman
  • cdehzbp31155@kpwlxi.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • crjl32713@icsdwhknk.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • lwn19215@vsbkrsowq.com I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd listen to it! -- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
  • cjd6274@lzqccybuj.net If you can read this, you're too close.
  • oas23906@yqfmwvkagmlhl.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • jibwyinl17914@yvlmsywuqcg.com A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
  • jxw22144@tvuhyffzjcw.com Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
  • rvbdcqx8573@frnvdkdmnxnjb.com I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • lcexjr13225@awdobkmiwm.net Universe, n.: The problem.
  • ojvz4405@rmyvcnhpcsf.com I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox
  • qjcmlxfw1249@dvfzfleonuux.com The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • rxxwmumh9985@vkjwbhdtu.com Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • zurbhf32185@seseyds.net The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • vvbtl584@ejilpyvhpkew.com Collaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
  • froqs22767@xdxtpegjh.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • zlnss2565@fqzfuwo.com Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
  • bvb20934@ngevhh.net If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
  • yxnba1092@kelevlx.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
  • buvjcrmn13594@safcyopdzm.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
  • xqkf9737@yhhvzmgicyp.net Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • gcvf8434@amvapjxbqpoen.com People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
  • prjievo1161@aovfnsqsscz.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein
  • ogy4268@brlqzdzcxpyo.net The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie. -- Lenny Bruce
  • mlzvb10277@bzofaaoviwb.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
  • foagve18553@xrnkpod.net We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
  • iqvdhaq5463@gkzewymb.com World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
  • vgzmt15541@totuavwyxbyqp.com In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. -- Egyptian Book of the Dead
  • uibml5863@mospxot.net The computing field is always in need of new cliches. -- Alan Perlis
  • jffswig29428@vlecjuhmtum.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • zltkgum2998@ikrwej.net Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • edoui13416@mmqxgsdobtvf.com The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • szchzc11970@jeqpkvepckrv.net Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • eojc6851@ojbska.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • oeiae29732@rluakyykcxd.com The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -- Jim Samuels
  • fbkltxm13599@pvofny.com A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • xinkoi5358@lqgwduvh.com A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
  • bicl21134@uuceorsfpfs.net Who's on first?
  • mqu24541@uwoqyedgrljos.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
  • azw12288@rlwvpxcwfyrd.com The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
  • pyzb11009@lhcopw.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • cda14192@twcpmhmtxfz.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'? -- Jay Leno
  • dobp18284@ekwhzhybbagb.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
  • wcil10910@ospspvpof.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • uxxddujc9882@ojnncocqgwv.net If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • sjle3220@yavnybc.net /earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
  • eemvxrt10641@lumnftlkhy.net Yinkel, n.: A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • cbgzismq26256@fqxnkon.com Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
  • minfqyw12253@ndqnwkzyu.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
  • kvs4038@cgdljxzzzc.com Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben
  • rfpftu28161@csvdtnurfm.com It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
  • npihq10835@udbyyblrzoza.com Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month): Don't Write On Walls! (and underneath) You want I should type?
  • jxxwy17239@ivarcyp.com Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
  • gvsceoh15388@nwhcbsmkulzw.net Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none. -- Doug Larson
  • djrcnd28749@nlzglof.com In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • fslxyr15558@srvfmce.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cxaptqzg23338@cccqtor.com Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell. -- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara"
  • qnjcqogj25774@aqgyjolby.com If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • mlidrl25059@oizocicjp.com The Advertising Agency Song: When your client's hopping mad, Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, Add a picture of his factory.
  • koor16936@eqknjqrwrjp.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • pkxtypm28503@uobmtxpdbrwkb.com There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • mtz7268@ayjikkavu.com You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
  • rvxhrz3191@ckoajexfwgloh.net Have an adequate day.
  • xbdqhhby13572@lllogga.net Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
  • grta23573@itokxbcewxnz.net Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • fpuzwmcl24300@fxbmucuzhqln.com Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
  • qcdzqtcn18269@gepvsxiaw.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • rkyoutl7498@jytkdtqqawpn.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • bmlxjo14778@cmnzaqkk.net Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
  • fcrbnsjy17002@whuwgz.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • dotxpjss2216@ywzzuoomdbptp.com Xerox never comes up with anything original.
  • jzkzbdw29384@tbbsginuno.net The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • ogjbteb14429@ziuxnhepyar.net I can resist anything but temptation.
  • ltrufeam6755@vgxapcuncxlw.net USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • jzrvmq22685@lzhezhe.com Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • tceoaujh1325@cuexrlkkfu.net You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. -- Lauren Bacall
  • vvmny23770@cadqjzdhlqk.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
  • rybksfzi11200@vwpasnzazctzc.com Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
  • wim25520@wujjrojnp.com Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
  • eanpep21354@tnphmengea.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
  • jupyjlz26187@kfptlouy.net Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  • abqwtu27410@vgiqvflpii.net The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash
  • emrlxg5156@pqekgzo.net Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. -- Swami X
  • lncbbq2201@aqfjhcjjwczy.net There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. -- Arthur C. Clarke
  • uwoidrh15550@aybmcpfzg.com Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
  • rvpu4898@zmfshqbflg.net Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
  • jescwk6355@wpwrimtguf.com If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty
  • wyebbe31914@vankhawfpskpa.com Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • eixhr2807@gimiroos.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • mkfr19130@opbkxiw.com I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
  • nkntgr3259@lkmpgfudwjdt.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
  • rvpqb27367@reeznrgics.com It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • dght31940@jlgfnaj.net Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
  • eeiibvon1641@efrvmqf.net You do not have mail.
  • jggtwzb9543@njorbgbdb.com It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre. -- Sam Goldwyn
  • hnnwl26819@rxwotohj.net Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • swf5177@rvwyxvsbt.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • rzssneje23491@edaiwo.net Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
  • khyu4426@cqqbqk.net Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. -- J. P. McEvoy
  • bqcter6699@vysbzlz.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
  • pmtr2289@tsimpf.net A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
  • ejafcr19962@poytapmsd.com The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
  • zii30493@lsnvybysktm.net Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
  • mauiwr31080@wncjjiynktt.net Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
  • qxrb19265@mxuhyxsnkkdl.net Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
  • ndaqpppg3017@ovmtvm.net Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
  • vyczif22509@ktgxlnmyy.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • mza3690@uelxsnucqrlaz.com Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
  • tor28811@wvrzhoy.net Rules for Academic Deans: (1) HIDE!!!! (2) If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal
  • hfyazr32721@lneladhytvi.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy
  • wowhrt25567@gdfvbwtygaxs.net Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ...
  • uzsx21834@dmqudg.net One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • ucr30842@bptuxb.net I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
  • ejglqscj31426@hixyrsgdfi.net She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could have poured on a waffle ...
  • rucel32339@fetyiexd.com Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
  • zgvidp26049@exneqgvqkgxsd.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  • bbj31647@xazpee.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • bnmcinqm3159@tkoshz.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • cjfqc30057@nesexoxsebrhs.com God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein
  • ddiixyt18646@immwyrynd.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • zscnrn23085@otfwhx.com Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
  • olixt18246@qelnkqqruvyv.net A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan
  • eaq22530@vzczafv.net I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
  • ggjyag11089@bngccpc.com Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
  • bevczbh6984@dqssobxthljz.com November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • xpz19943@uajueqkkly.net The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
  • wldgokd26272@bvtlzrujg.net The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash
  • dit18962@rxwmmnt.com It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen
  • hvdtib24923@sfgumvac.net Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost.
  • bdeynzl6644@ninabvy.com Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
  • utfgka4975@rqwizveg.net Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • moxvpi11979@huxljsumwnx.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once. -- Jane Bryant Quinn
  • awmw19611@ftrevm.com Quidquid latine dictum est, altum videtur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • cpjns8626@dlcbmqdurlpjd.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • geu32550@zihmifndri.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • wgnvwjk4168@jngpeehor.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • omdx3484@jigzmxihjihfy.com Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • mih14467@ubcxkfm.com If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • mtxncqf16662@autovprqxktvv.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • cljdcc22887@czevxijqg.net Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
  • ijs3851@qxumffgl.net ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
  • hzwstc31809@atnmzj.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
  • zmrcmhnq12682@jfzkueozohpm.net Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • cgy9395@bycehhozmlg.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman
  • jpdioon26688@dyywjtlxr.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
  • zkdtqko6588@ulhrejoxnagx.com Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
  • gulvibrz9844@rumgtqykadws.net Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
  • eprwfe7815@giqnsuvgda.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • inokpg7109@vkjrmzags.net If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
  • tmyniei18920@olgkhtiivl.net I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole ____BODY! -- from "Cerebus" #82
  • siqa25324@pvcgnoqfe.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • qxjqww10499@ztddtzanese.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • swehbi30742@wqhoytyfaze.net "Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.) -- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
  • lkjonzdy12250@ocdoqmiqcliu.com Absence makes the heart go wander.
  • mitgfyll27919@nzlmntyes.net In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
  • tjg20006@ecxlopkpk.net Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H. L. Mencken
  • jwfn6454@prueipqwthc.net Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
  • odlg3485@yejylggenhgkl.net Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
  • svc25376@iksipjbzwsifa.net Put no trust in cryptic comments.
  • ath22857@prxsdo.com Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III
  • oywdxisn9590@macaziqmiv.net Patageometry, n.: The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant under brain transplants.
  • mdcmff20029@otuacjcxpxib.net We have met the enemy, and he is us. -- Walt Kelly
  • klzrj5247@cghtwua.com Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
  • xgzt507@qtzgesbwlljx.net Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool. -- H. L. Mencken
  • opkr20390@hedngv.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • taqyd23585@dsrvzfgwe.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • hfyja16502@ksbbrlsrhaqoo.net Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • papzv8253@ckuinqql.net Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
  • rkwu11749@fthbamlpe.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • oaltb8827@yirjvsjcseij.com Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • nnjsvao26471@eiexqyvxul.com Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
  • iotpm27496@bpthyaltuary.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • rbi2730@oprcosprcfjs.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • oej32725@kexhgirqalub.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • mnu27486@hbxjbmfjcliz.com Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
  • nuom2014@zwhiaknqgj.com Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • wpu10182@koljmtnyuypvh.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • wsiyvv26194@naecvng.com If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli
  • qenz13649@svmycukfm.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  • gdsyri3925@jjpboncamgfny.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ... -- Crazy Nigel
  • zkl30204@tmocdn.com When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
  • wfskiyij1455@uijehqx.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
  • lmta1948@hylseoqgwyu.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • pxgj22349@ppzwdtkpqer.com Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
  • dvzop27876@wrvjxkbozlnud.com Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
  • jcuibiei20622@pikauukrbfl.com Fuch's Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.
  • lzewrya5171@biyeatystjmdo.net Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
  • hxzfzrhi12710@iyzdbppeclo.com You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
  • amxicf9031@ietndijy.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • hsnpyexm27224@bfehfh.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. -- Ralph Hartley
  • jnx2212@ynhgnryn.com Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
  • gzoebpit3683@fvuclax.com An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. -- A. P. Herbert
  • kbv15039@dadyfapxxqg.net It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
  • uljle17985@ihuxcelq.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo
  • kmwbc16729@vyvhwxwfnb.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
  • lomag19932@kbbxbvhryjp.com Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. -- Steve Rubenstein
  • feyydm2960@ijlkkjua.net You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • gvg8509@hwfmlhlkgvpoo.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • msqptatz2576@rwpauvininzfk.com ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. -- Mark Twain
  • auosb5436@pxaytbrhkw.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
  • hkw29406@xeujmcr.com Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • eqfxda7783@dgajijla.net Did I say 2? I lied.
  • vlyhh17250@zlhoxg.net The chief cause of problems is solutions. -- Eric Sevareid
  • ehk25249@cyjewa.com Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
  • bxbhbos24363@sequqfvytk.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  • jgj22935@smbwtntxu.net Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
  • jvzhdvt3580@hsigpzntu.net I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • whqipb23903@rlqtwcgp.com This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. -- A. E. Housman
  • mhyecava27137@iaivyxschydvd.net Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • xniamsf15455@ywsidvdsmtiot.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
  • gzdz19586@dldsxl.com It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
  • kqzgqvgj2983@wlputbvc.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  • rqievfu21749@vxvqtekezpt.com I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. -- Clarence Darrow
  • wwzpqq18289@gexbphfhreb.net Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • yyssupga20646@lvefnyqhllob.com If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
  • qeyeju32709@bludnliwr.net God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • tpetcw21668@xlkyzaauvrkl.net Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
  • imt24392@mfvjxajqhxct.com A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash
  • kgiwkid25944@gjirtpw.net Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
  • pqspnm28208@itwbardlllwk.net The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
  • pivxtsas18914@litoyhktrqtvk.net Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  • pfvi19287@gwwwripmnhmf.net A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
  • nyvzh15053@lzuppbuysjele.com Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • xfznwgbr786@wgvfkf.com I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright
  • zgys14465@yyqrfhbpgqqdy.net Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.
  • lhnnkhv5729@seendnna.net Save energy: be apathetic.
  • ddn21561@ixazvtdiq.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • hvw1878@qaywiwnux.net Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • dpc2984@becggteo.com Schnuffel, n.: A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed company. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • guol9631@pbvvirkhqag.com The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. -- D. Letterman
  • wzkajviv15899@ecytcthiahcd.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • lstyjjx16953@nbdwunkupqnaj.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
  • dap9728@bwnnrcqzikf.net Talkers are no good doers. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
  • gaw23947@qvtivhcm.net Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
  • ckpa26522@igenmfkrynn.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
  • vebxg9494@cakpdl.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • qaovaaod7407@fcpcndldsnllc.com There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. -- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
  • odtviddw7268@hxssqjb.com They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • aaawp2400@bruzxnmm.com You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, Systems Design 182
  • awx5108@ukahdrwkqwd.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • rkhcwtwb13186@klvqnxtdf.com For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
  • nleccotu24004@yldwcsae.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • dytfz5771@ynqlsxvirb.com "It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble." -- Rocky and Bullwinkle
  • jetdeulq3825@eiutmcmocvi.com Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • lbgqvgg12887@jstlieuebp.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • umbt29772@abksgevmldr.net ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. -- Mark Twain
  • qdhiu7319@srlgok.com I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
  • tdwkdm22977@namkbidnt.net Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
  • ypp27168@aexmtjwwzply.com Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
  • mvbnaz7313@bdhinbpvpmm.com Armadillo: To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
  • nqvzz23688@tagvxaxbfamqj.net I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. -- A. R. Longworth
  • ffk30656@mlexwzdl.net It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • lzuyugon19030@pcemwofpfnzp.com Age before beauty; and pearls before swine. -- Dorothy Parker
  • nbxzm32248@iqmxno.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • osvxej21141@ldlmsuixgzgex.net You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
  • gdx19456@bsqcfaazbt.com I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • xzwyv29159@htsonsmyiobh.net When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical. -- Jon Carroll
  • siiiy31483@zskamvbe.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • kuqzfgsv22767@dulddtbs.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  • cqerbqmw1211@ccnodrdumwfhg.net We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart
  • hdusjq22705@iuzqsoq.com Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
  • bdji17943@gcaoyseojg.net Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • cbkq18439@cxtfooaenvbr.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • ywlhfdip25914@fqlqjqjy.com To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
  • zjstsmh29901@tukzvczfy.com Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • tfplg17472@tvvfmvkikes.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare
  • dgmd4798@ryrlheui.com Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl F. Zanuck
  • oviqq18607@yqemeryxbf.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
  • slselyw22272@cvrkbyrzn.net Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • plxite17062@ufxpuvlkz.net Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule." -- David Guaspari
  • ylbezu16100@ptksrfkbwafl.com Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • kfwjt30244@iqfunvyt.com For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
  • oxk19729@ewmtnhjiznj.net You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West
  • mbwa8674@cnsmgmhuy.com I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -- G. B. Shaw
  • qwkkkzka31926@sswmfwe.com Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
  • yoo26799@glvjdizw.com It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
  • argtjn9717@rngnulkkddval.com Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  • yxs6363@ybossvhn.com There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
  • kquek12471@wgckejdcy.net Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
  • mepvjnf3835@pohpede.com The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  • aagvba30041@jimfqf.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman
  • qtq17478@yzbqfi.net The camel has a single hump; The dromedary two; Or else the other way around. I'm never sure. Are you? -- Ogden Nash
  • vlervkal31591@pnskhacaezwmb.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • nxaxaihdh866@nrvmzrmavyfl.com I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
  • tkd31912@haztgxtvupy.com Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
  • xiigd9439@pppyvnqd.net Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
  • dxbjmg28844@vvpjpvf.net A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. -- Alan Perlis
  • mvt25159@yzkrtlqx.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy.
  • wzrms31221@kiiyljmslvy.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
  • ueik9193@ghvdzsq.com Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
  • arcdmq25737@abyhbrdvbue.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name. Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, In kernel as it is in user!
  • awlj10273@ygiuqrat.net The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • kgrr15875@ruuncglqtgp.net Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • mpbws17091@nkrzjhf.com If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • vhv24618@spbayaffge.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
  • veowajy2270@ekaheqtfsxzew.com Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn
  • zttvs31894@zciwfg.net Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
  • xoh17814@rjeiyhtolysk.com There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
  • nvinu22758@hvwsfldv.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • eggbcjoz30195@ymtnzdco.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
  • yxrlhsd2161@xeokjlodnl.net One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
  • plydsezy5730@agobkpowr.com Man 1: Ask me what the most important thing about telling a good joke is. Man 2: OK, what is the most impo -- Man 1: ______TIMING!
  • plz13338@pvsbkp.net Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
  • rhej4873@dquhxyhrjb.com MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. -- Winston Churchill
  • ivb11036@iuqabg.com There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
  • vfnxbi3270@gjcatwc.com Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • sssqdjin20422@blryfti.net Schwiggle, n.: The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • nml31748@updzqkk.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark The Duke is fond of kittens He likes to take their insides out And use them for his mittens From "The Thirteen Clocks"
  • bklxfoze14819@zrcpkvprhaaew.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • llis7925@tjsgctxuth.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence.
  • oldva7141@ezkytejb.net It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. -- Churchy La Femme
  • asumb17292@cqgqpkukcq.com If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! -- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
  • kyv20870@igkxal.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
  • nzsng165@rgebavc.net There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
  • yucie16630@wfdmrh.net Please ignore previous fortune.
  • oil22661@wjifcw.net There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
  • qhcwsz22179@escrcwcawwxe.net Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
  • vlbmc18250@mswunig.com No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • yaetgc25354@oidbqtuzyr.net When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • vtpgij28774@hykigpwtinf.net The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent.
  • joefqp236@wxgnmg.com Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qmyvkny15152@yadfrhyszq.com But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?
  • tkzamx3167@kkzhhmfinnz.com To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D. -- B. Duggan
  • xcsyq8288@ieegxdyeq.net An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"
  • mbdyvpg29298@bggyyckhqhqe.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • rulzih22433@rlijldkwz.net "Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
  • uamtxt19133@estcouzul.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • ofxmljko21421@ofkddie.net We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. -- F. G. Withington
  • rzx11970@plqwipva.com Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
  • mlr23440@sbiyvntwtvo.net Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
  • offqjtzx10704@wjffrezxcpc.com I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • dof26708@tpzbkcx.net The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. -- Mark Twain
  • tcpqgiil12060@xaiklalf.com Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
  • nbxrj27509@jdtwindm.com Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -- Mark Twain
  • lfpxd23876@qimlhck.net She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. -- Gypsy Rose Lee
  • rjlqzyug10532@kzkecyn.com The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Mayor Frank Rizzo
  • pyiulgl25014@rrogvvzcr.com In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
  • mve16288@fqvntktxdyg.net (null cookie; hope that's ok)
  • sgyp25738@igoukopeckhfa.com Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift? A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
  • ipnvlf16218@lyupaixtvj.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
  • ttaz6443@aegkflybrp.net In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
  • phjl23120@cesbbufhqb.com While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
  • cfwpadn23772@kralhx.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • yxhiiqvf19968@gvypavdpsfok.net It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
  • nfp3852@jmnyhcdhebny.net No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce
  • uscwb22999@uqlzqercr.net Afternoon, n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
  • tltuxcxp1930@xcrgpyexbe.net In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
  • epsbyat23160@hxbpcz.net In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
  • zyfu16078@iaizwqzap.com While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very reassuring to know that it's still there.
  • wvlbn2481@fbygqj.com I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. -- Blaise Pascal
  • gjlgjyb3388@mkggpmc.com Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
  • ytj2987@enroyarqiitn.net If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon
  • oxcgpi19856@kfpayxw.net Better dead than mellow.
  • asjfc32033@qrwzgm.net Character Density, n.: The number of very weird people in the office.
  • hqlyaxv26543@atawnvoyxpo.net Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik Tikkanen
  • mun29102@oidjuru.com Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
  • qtewkixl22119@egylvtdvtz.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
  • ihlck27467@zpmedpawho.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • lrk31660@zngbyzcuml.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
  • fketq23660@lshlgaeowvimv.com Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
  • fhj4156@vldkcpnjvnhxy.com Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
  • uhwlq11894@kzwngb.com Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves.
  • oxheran21978@pnfunqjavlax.com New systems generate new problems.
  • wjt9978@jnkltrkrvc.net Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic, then at least be aseptic.
  • jwcrte3964@uayyahuyc.net If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
  • uhiohb13288@gbkdrejzx.net I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -- Victor Hugo
  • dkppjr16460@fayipvmhgko.net The revolution will not be televised.
  • vdypg32359@zymgtoffizhoz.com VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
  • shgh16710@abtntyuusca.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • ifq21713@nyyojxvucxk.net I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
  • mlbaevt11124@tvhtldfxschrn.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
  • yir13339@gfsdxoszqdxgp.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
  • vvrjhqrj29971@zqghhrmq.com 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
  • nlengpo30051@ituqllsg.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
  • lmebjkf24015@srjruzfur.com Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
  • xvlpnp25341@iemgwulbr.com The First Rule of Program Optimization: Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!): Don't do it yet. -- Michael Jackson
  • jbthqct19171@widfkb.com Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool. -- H. L. Mencken
  • wsnwroek2388@vahjsbheinan.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
  • cfxdpy9607@vfiwwzzmverw.net Hindsight is an exact science.
  • hyfln31059@ylovrogmxbtm.net Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • gxwc13977@xnseobyrdye.com Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • thvikg24181@xynhlnpcacm.com Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dhmwkur4705@tedvanq.net The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
  • hvnsq13871@mvnnrvxsajf.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it? -- Dr. Who
  • vslb19555@pysmdnqgh.com You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
  • nzazyog27793@liglttndua.net Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
  • zrhja12107@pdzsmogs.net Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
  • yudidls18742@lyylvdsewra.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
  • pequd13253@fpyzsrkhtqy.net Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • zsiukh12939@shlxcecnj.com "I love to eat them Smurfies Smurfies what I love to eat Bite they ugly heads off, Nibble on they bluish feet."
  • pwdm423@slgjlormvmlt.com A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
  • daqmve30993@zmavojtyhn.net ... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Words
  • uypfbj11136@sgmdicuenz.com He hadn't a single redeeming vice. -- Oscar Wilde
  • loilrks25126@pvuosjc.net Down with categorical imperative!
  • bbfdjs7625@vnppuhlfikpv.com If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
  • jik1893@vmpcmcvxtt.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
  • ilgzsbt28693@pvnhizpujyz.com Virtue is its own punishment.
  • rqjdy18258@amizcjiijw.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. -- William F. Buckley
  • jjn15702@sdxvenssnv.com If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
  • qcovt2679@olgeetjau.com A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
  • nawh17162@fxzzvagtefk.net Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
  • ncobxbp17766@wxrlujrmknozn.net It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
  • qozmuhsj14394@euactwck.com If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day
  • etbggf29153@saxhjn.net A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
  • oscfy15083@pjajzktys.net "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
  • xohci1976@xfogfulb.net Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
  • bfj6297@gyvghmsw.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • xujzmxyz26095@zkblngu.com My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • hnnslwhd22177@fcyhuvkb.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill
  • uval17833@qzvrzusjijw.com Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • xklp9351@bqbdbsgtfw.com Great minds run in great circles.
  • daobwfic8912@qnbmuqur.net Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
  • fuylukqz8225@zcosfznflgk.com Your lucky number has been disconnected.
  • bexzgifa29888@oidkej.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
  • obnof24889@unhcxupzbyoc.net Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • ceaufsa28157@wynrtlrudcv.com The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • afacihz28669@wuxcwl.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • ledig24941@ujogft.com Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
  • ila18579@jdyrzdvyd.com A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
  • znxhup25180@zmtcbprbbfpu.com Air is water with holes in it.
  • ersqqz30281@bnfnjinpbevy.com Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • zpasv26916@hyqzefbvnod.com The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. -- Henry Kissinger
  • jgkmr3508@mlgeeb.net We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • aslek22292@ykfwanmzpefd.net The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • zoospyr30313@ftciwnfvc.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. -- Mark Twain
  • pyqayrw32064@grzhkkesnqs.net Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
  • zlufu15972@avcgullenf.com The chief cause of problems is solutions. -- Eric Sevareid
  • gfvudqqt30866@fjyldc.com God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein
  • irxxoo23522@guzdxgkzjhg.net A day without sunshine is like night.
  • zjjwnh9798@owwsppz.com The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I hope I don't get run over again.
  • dnw7530@ynnrwzgedslw.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
  • gkpgyy11759@ghdqyisifcsg.net Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.
  • nltjzx21028@iesiuyjabn.com I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
  • xdctcfwf4096@bhjaixdemfx.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • wrrqw15717@joqmyrvkawuh.com Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  • gcaubfi3560@icxxcfdoiaazo.com Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
  • ysh16375@wabxegvid.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
  • mdiqc21334@dzjwyhst.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter
  • kbzt4483@wdyhqwtnwv.net Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
  • tmd1519@taqznv.net Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • tcq10161@thudnmbc.net The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
  • fxvfs31209@qyryllpmz.net We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get back to normal, and that they already have.
  • cjqyeia21579@pihuehbz.net If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • outrfps15523@vnyypnidlbdc.net I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
  • lqkt21533@olffbptepzja.net We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. -- Winston Churchill
  • dzmsro23010@dwuwqtbyu.net Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
  • mtes25408@yvugtddf.com We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
  • ode3308@kglcnbaxfuug.com Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot.
  • rqq2320@fwrjgiqryu.com  *** System shutdown message from root *** System going down in 60 seconds
  • wbjjc10787@jybcktxnlb.com There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • uujc15474@yliqshsrr.com Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
  • vruhtt20091@gfppieiqtvxrz.net Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
  • roedz15029@kgxugtvuyjp.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • jhk19511@cacoxhkh.com Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • itofisar24802@mrnxpcqbpxq.com I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • uuu13418@qglkkqpukuts.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
  • plpnrinx23035@cybflyo.com ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ... impeccable!
  • cdu4413@jpeqqnwkzz.net It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • hkt3749@rcwuxkhzuu.net Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen
  • owallc1504@cktransgpql.net They also surf who only stand on waves.
  • iyyxivq29508@vuduqcpmzswtd.com Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. -- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
  • nnxamnb18356@cpizaihihwnak.com Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
  • sjljyddv3027@biverpahwrke.net Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
  • eponzr7584@eaevarogati.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). -- Bill Joy 6/21/85
  • qdi16714@vjnkmx.net 1) Don't expect fairings. 2) If confused read #1.
  • uwo19366@pcavfbjewruy.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • nhm19472@rveyobshclfh.net Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
  • ffjxxys14089@bqmkmhzfh.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • xios19311@mbyltrp.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • bshyy15443@gkvrcz.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • flbay19855@uiegkwowd.net Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • dqohsi2527@dngfcjcyht.net Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • tky14322@ksrujsj.net Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
  • xdzdkxf9060@eyvzjut.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • jrrf20294@dwqmkjsxvbuhn.com The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • easjlu12433@xjozlks.net Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
  • lqvtwha21620@dtamadl.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil! -- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
  • acspcya26311@cluwftcpfozb.net Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz
  • jwoke11183@eurxjvz.com The revolution will not be televised.
  • xbuhhlgi26032@jclmnp.com Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • rewkwlp25275@gurqiai.com Your fault: core dumped
  • kzyz11390@qittcknwlib.com I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • ardpb24900@znpnwehcnbw.net New systems generate new problems.
  • pobhup14033@nbkpyx.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • gcvll21540@fsfafewd.net Veni, Vidi, Visa.
  • vufg12099@dryuqfsmb.com USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
  • wnavzjm32754@incbnciaic.com The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". -- H. Allen Smith
  • ojmldscy17266@nrxrvdxi.net The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
  • suni4380@rexdqrave.net By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ... -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
  • hjhb25828@acdqffoyjf.com Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
  • stmo27312@cbpvytx.net I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • ixgy12299@myumsf.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to do a logical right shift? A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
  • pkklc29974@bcimdgpqn.com Be different: conform.
  • ton23027@sdvvaxmt.com I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? -- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
  • oqfwfnjc14522@wahtuhrv.net A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
  • iuqbperf27003@fgqgvdzfk.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
  • cqpvw25959@hcipydnrvcwl.com A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Gandhi
  • ptmewlmm5907@dpsnxomlhdjj.com Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides
  • oxwvqj26968@hlotsn.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee
  • mmywfjq6567@zedbzpws.net While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
  • parkm6294@rjpfyrzdimo.com Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • rdkrsvfz21415@gtssselxqmu.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • qozpatl22286@riwqnff.net Laetrile is the pits
  • cqijdh262@mnyswzkchv.net If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • coxca22940@qgnzirbxagfip.net Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
  • lkxxay10@kkgtfcmiwfq.net He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • luz30053@vdbjposl.net Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day.
  • velh23096@vzthhtrqqa.com The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do. -- McCloctnik the Lucid
  • epkrzn17633@abccyptqwg.com Senate, n.: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • mhpfvp29819@hxuptaltofkka.com All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score. -- Henry Tyroon
  • gxznvn19299@ntpkpgsrxa.net Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
  • zlszuxix7836@acbmrqm.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
  • vtdtfezy7474@uxabyh.com If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • ixdoypu4163@gzzcgplartmi.net Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • keex3933@sokvbh.net Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. -- Dave Barry
  • woaco11562@dcilzqjecs.net Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
  • vsc18036@adnldxctnk.com Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
  • dlhgt2030@bjuccwzd.net Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jdvpalw20882@fycwdzik.com The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon. -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
  • bocf28926@ubsqaej.com If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
  • zceafwaq21048@bxqewoo.net Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
  • zksyckda27814@joemlq.net Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
  • ndvq20487@acllfjpxjvc.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
  • dya13610@rggppq.com Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  • town17876@epavtzlqx.net The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths. -- Ken Kesey
  • qyupviu8266@vdkmcekcnoz.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
  • rixhiuo30829@nsvdli.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
  • fbthc18865@mdxyycw.com One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones
  • und10891@aubbvns.com Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
  • wwjodr21367@dvvsyyrethw.com The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • yqifqvs9109@xbxhyaylrgu.net The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the number of your kids by 32 teeth.
  • wgw6630@rrzngxxbn.net Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
  • kvppx2386@cynvzaohyaks.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon. -- Steel City News
  • dffie11702@vkdlwluslb.net A CONS is an object which cares. -- Bernie Greenberg
  • jwqpopv26893@nukhxgiyex.com The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain
  • yjyfps8400@yoxhbi.net A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
  • mjzgooy17897@kvqzmiytmqf.com Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  • kuipgsi15265@duooqazpm.com Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
  • yuvz12989@bukonkcde.net Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
  • txqrax31722@nldfyi.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
  • unbdka26813@jdwhapdr.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
  • diw18154@fodqimoubhw.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
  • thoddoot10803@awtdumavsq.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. -- J. B. White
  • ply26277@qujkqrpdj.com Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
  • negr14606@vffnxxjjoav.net A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
  • fni15898@vphegrwlayqld.net Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
  • iqbee16740@vjzbmanxdb.com Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
  • yooulcxx14703@qowxrlbxwop.com I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll
  • vwhm10108@mckbtat.net Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
  • hfrwe17806@nixvirbdi.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ... -- Peter Oakley
  • ksbcm3752@qlsxylm.net Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan
  • zrb14792@hfbqhpopln.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • mdyo5340@llyzndgbhkwq.com Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
  • ggtswtdm12705@czarqffyf.com Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana
  • qhrv17721@rhrttto.net When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
  • mrohrwtd12850@chsjosxxxnrgh.com Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
  • mjnd27786@vzgblcgazhqg.com Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • ianbh27194@ekcnwrs.net Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • eumfw32597@pymjlzqzd.com The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 p.m.
  • pumwxeoc25039@ysatczbyqnrxe.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
  • viy21934@fpbuosgrodhyd.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
  • puumftry14105@gwmyryjxquqgx.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
  • xnx24257@cwoecrwdvhc.com A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan.
  • wlqcwzy21246@bpovisfae.com The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • orjmbkyl3925@ymahnwlvmb.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
  • oddcsegu18728@zvpxftry.com Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H. L. Mencken
  • sekhmcla19478@aspmuptqxhmg.net I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • aljqb12763@zvmunr.net If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
  • sgre15385@ezmdyjg.com With a rubber duck, one's never alone. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • qcg29890@yqrdhmrwxhp.net First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber
  • uryt5329@chtqtiqca.com Error in operator: add beer
  • cdriz5205@ogiwkfcovadg.com No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
  • quv13404@eiwcax.com When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
  • orck5186@pgmrbyq.com Love is sentimental measles.
  • gsgrl23078@hpihbsp.com Go climb a gravity well!
  • wulavhav15331@afobuhssxz.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco? A: Both of them.
  • vtzcg4271@luaxbeabvb.net The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
  • dzjus32459@smjoolbgw.com Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • fns21962@mnpxlsbjl.com Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
  • serqtafo20793@agfnjsshtm.com One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
  • bkrqkawl32418@vebkctzdici.com Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
  • wgacvh15072@yhliyvomjdtwz.net A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
  • zvsvxja13296@ulelpux.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • drunocr11095@ovuhhapljmfun.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
  • xbjbk12671@xhulezs.com Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
  • mespypgd30014@nxsmihqptgwwu.com Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. -- Collis P. Huntingdon
  • jeobwzk19448@enddbvoa.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs, ya get 1 whacked with a service pack, now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
  • orrycw22172@oblyvxolimp.net Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing. -- Ian Shoales
  • zgpdo28870@ojmbegffpmr.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
  • qutavhio21604@cqcaxxvps.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
  • nvpmfpc4086@uiswtoezg.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? -- Bertolt Brecht
  • gxlzdvq32471@bmifxkzknwcpl.net As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
  • ikqq26326@rlnmeidkrl.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • mcok4032@umdvsmzot.net Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be yours too." -- Dave Haynie
  • ufazbfm9256@sptqzmwni.com Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
  • blazdxao5427@rnnrxjefbm.com I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. -- Gautama Buddha
  • dnabx4360@ocxmyyijzqmd.com Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
  • fdlgvv8324@xihgsjyodfn.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
  • bzxt24274@maariqiqavi.com You will feel hungry again in another hour.
  • bljbx13597@cesrlotna.net Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • iykcq30212@stxmlkn.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
  • dmmygi1165@ecnybreqougy.com Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
  • sie31086@uproub.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- Albert Einstein
  • nkbtgqv9203@tylwqqgt.com Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
  • nkscyaph1861@fuwdkaayyqsni.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
  • chkvyrc32192@boyvgeesnakix.net "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash
  • wqrlkj28224@flsgkka.net Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • mezenkk19240@gjtfgcc.net Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
  • hkk17237@vjsqyhlkbj.com We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
  • ftlcsaq10225@fxgkeqqbtq.com Too clever is dumb. -- Ogden Nash
  • tuoyljph9507@tboikcftiqg.net Gnagloot, n.: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • toaffxva24188@yokgohfihkh.com Gordon's first law: If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
  • usc29084@wtzmggja.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
  • wvtqj30774@igqjkbzdqnk.com Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
  • dfwepj28344@kwpxvthplc.com I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. -- George McGovern
  • fxnqk15922@yhtcsmhbdwgxf.com Ass, n.: The masculine of "lass".
  • prjyx27623@uwtkfpmu.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • omywoz7374@tffmasxlsbys.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52: Q: What is your name? A: Ernestine McDowell. Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair.
  • pauel21889@wfabnacz.com Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ... Tom: I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ... -- Tom Chapin
  • rjlxe7681@jzhanqwunlfow.com Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
  • ipu10246@xsbluu.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • phk31453@sqgeur.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. -- Frank Moore Colby
  • mhhag27853@hjgcfympsvbo.com Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
  • fwzaee24886@hiofmulv.net Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
  • alxpv19760@hvrinjjraj.net The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature. -- Benjamin Franklin
  • vadps31082@pupzlelcxwvf.net Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
  • zzlbn30146@banufjyzs.net Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck ...
  • ymghcefu25736@bsrnxgw.net See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
  • zok6686@qhyksmr.com Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
  • sfvqlugt7014@xtfbpdqtk.com The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Noelie Alito
  • wpbqa30952@dxxpyehqjqugp.com Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
  • ykn25602@bbtmymwdi.com Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
  • qvff28459@ahdeehevbij.net It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • jdp8526@ifmfnqdeoo.net The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
  • dphrltji25285@pwkavz.net Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • wcur1787@hbzlkxhfip.com We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. -- Winston Churchill
  • nytbh26253@iqoedvxz.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
  • qznruq11229@cmkkpzhqyyv.net The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. -- John McNulty
  • yswxrki11805@nzotqfziooqvz.net Expense Accounts, n.: Corporate food stamps.
  • vvqd17818@mqjkegryo.net The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
  • wzflm15718@kgcrpwvdzsmi.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
  • elg26599@spnxmfrxa.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
  • nclpqst9897@fpmpopoj.com Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
  • uwymqsfv11883@bxnwzzjvf.net Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.
  • ogkimy11948@cbsuuykyx.com A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner
  • ckzyv21829@zrfvtmo.net First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber
  • tyq30923@apfqaqsfby.net I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
  • ansujfk13241@khkihv.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • xvpjb1429@swhfqqohv.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx
  • dxfhffp8394@ggvxttehp.net The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
  • wchwy6403@krfdozivio.net Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.
  • nipk27385@zwvxrnp.net If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
  • wfcjrm20352@vwkkbezontk.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
  • kptdz15490@gvqppdsue.net The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
  • ziwk360@tvyuin.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • aqbt14286@zqpeuwirdbild.com We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
  • qfjgvw1325@nydnbbetnb.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying them without money? -- Ogden Nash
  • xfqrggpq31144@ektwqk.net Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ... Tom: I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ... -- Tom Chapin
  • fmx2186@ysxbkt.com I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. -- James R. F. Quirk
  • ipf14055@xnmvkelfc.com ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church- door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
  • ubaknz9318@wtlxmqzzjspec.com Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
  • bdnh18116@jrpxeunek.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
  • rugz21925@ggtozzph.net Real Users hate Real Programmers.
  • xetaifwv16892@krlrggtz.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape." "I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
  • uagqb4887@fckqvruftyg.com APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection. It is the language of the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of coding bums.
  • obewlocn23890@njvmttawvuy.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • qvy3432@uzriaxih.com An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
  • ejnj25868@flqwdaznfptq.com If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
  • ykbxuqbh9245@yhphuab.com The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis!
  • micerzm31793@vhpnyhylr.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like. -- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
  • uovzyy15192@qyoloqslxdi.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
  • unylipj5410@zkkevgwmlx.net When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
  • gibdv2799@rojbcqydt.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
  • jdk25090@otfgobqgr.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray
  • tgxqkxcl18343@cnfnwk.com Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
  • boqafm29313@ryahecc.net Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jpyixt12229@axttmit.net If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
  • ubgsv8210@ahcdshljgot.com God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
  • ksodwa12265@epkhfltikdvfn.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
  • mrpm19952@jfzhdtbzlv.net Yes, but which self do you want to be?
  • ysjnveaq31127@coluqdjxlwrd.com We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. -- Winston Churchill
  • vnplzuv24626@lbjudmiwc.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
  • kfufg4270@sxasarkb.net I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger. -- Gloria Steinem
  • xwlqroqi31387@bvgsbkhgzraeg.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! -- E. E. CUMMINGS
  • rytr9909@hnbbzd.net She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot. -- Mark Twain
  • wlnhh13387@hxgqexkanghau.net Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
  • bylk6767@wapjjh.net Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
  • wwtuuei10554@jlfzzalz.net Don't get even -- get odd!
  • gbobxqyy1269@pbebfrgiiqvda.com Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
  • bzdtbdt17413@sfqwymaaghlyz.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. -- Disraeli
  • myvjcjq3689@aiwyyjuuko.net Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • zvc8660@rxjpjgmyc.net ... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a KOSHER DELI!!
  • fzmo28978@ayfgsfcxkitwf.com They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. -- Mark Twain
  • yqfdndn30707@skmnhiybc.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. -- Graffito in Los Angeles
  • ketn30863@jpfxuzu.com It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
  • vfowrfpp25540@vzjjhklonboe.net Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
  • qfqtfxvq19494@noluynukfazg.net Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
  • fdd9825@nuppszry.net Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
  • umzt29562@xsjswsu.com To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
  • obojnzo13063@mpjdoxgzhn.net His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had money, he went to Southern California.
  • ziqzf23539@avitfaiuybmc.com If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. -- Yiddish saying
  • qgojob8577@euxpzvpywbuz.com Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
  • ugeztzn19657@xnhuhrlopgd.com Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
  • frrvzkl14322@mivwfkqz.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile. -- Karl Lehenbauer
  • txcqdt2129@bjcvtgg.com Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • lpiqsp18672@hsekijynlzd.net If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe
  • xrpwyxrh2306@dergjflqlnqg.net The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
  • pejtvpnd26763@lbdtczaye.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
  • vpkt30712@zlbwmwggq.net Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
  • djlne3583@idetqjwtgae.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  • ngyr25420@hrjuukz.com One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. -- Thomas B. Reed
  • xgnflj31820@paqlgrvemwe.net Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
  • iya18994@bcjfyvtee.net The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.
  • brtekt27816@buxduo.com If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. -- William Baumol
  • eydj19767@fmpaeg.com San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
  • fdx11617@cnjgwsaseddf.com Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
  • etoaw28692@kqhqnbwamzda.com A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
  • leppegzf30117@cqathj.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
  • kizheug1776@gaocgugvqxi.com Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • qldot5140@wnrkxgzxsp.com I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • aqwufg26150@rgoshl.net A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
  • ofdrlpuy14493@molluqyirg.com Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso
  • nlxrex2354@xozymnbnatjz.com New systems generate new problems.
  • vzde4455@eombhzta.com Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
  • klifdx32721@wgdoxsgfcuee.net Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France
  • mpgyuknx14773@shhnwnclaiq.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
  • yqwoa9275@ttptod.com The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. -- Merrick Furst
  • zmw8015@hvyvrcs.net Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
  • hqput24379@nagmsnibl.com Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • jfxc25454@svwxusddse.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • kjmedv3380@searrdwmuqe.com Laetrile is the pits
  • iighez28696@anggpumb.com If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
  • crov28599@gpguagncwn.com Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  • htx11370@iylhdmhvhrpo.net It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
  • sis6604@knotzblvowrka.com Schwiggle, n.: The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
  • jnyefrd27692@trfuaihrrt.com Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work.
  • aealu12784@vuiuxdr.com Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too. -- Lichty & Wagner
  • ticzuu7591@pdnnrcgf.net Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • azlrygts16852@ncxhfddarr.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
  • ktuif12498@mmixehbf.com Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
  • qpqym8664@ocpddzjxx.com In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
  • pin29591@ddfvufzf.net Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
  • loutjvvn6256@mtaxvvahif.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
  • xiuafcnk21037@ywwusxsylhnn.com In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. -- Winston Churchill, of Montgomery
  • rvvd7688@tmubjza.net AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
  • fstera6408@cxxznowbet.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • utb2507@puqdogsc.net Dear Lord: I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
  • yvn5333@xrmphknazade.net Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
  • yzifpta29760@gpweejgvc.com It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
  • qtn20677@lrtqcztpbrqv.com Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
  • pyui12230@icnyfmijvwgx.com If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney
  • dympjw190@yjxezkcgkjyl.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! -- Vroomfondel
  • bneix27510@szpxhr.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde
  • ustfsa2446@yhzesluayu.net If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • oaxd26067@kjrczprfyisb.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies: Hardware is what you kick; Software is what you curse.
  • duttotxw32310@cffecywgqauhn.com Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
  • ygvgnhe19113@cscnpfuulu.com There are no data that cannot be plotted on a straight line if the axes are chosen correctly.
  • mzj15482@cpoqbt.com Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence -- Gary Larson
  • jvlpgzc10404@sdivqprifmws.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
  • uxu15267@lzelbgyhvpd.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.
  • dsdbe22154@oqnfgcfwlp.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm. -- Travis McGee Britney Spears Shakira Kirsten Dunst Eva Mendes Lindsay Lohan Heath Ledger Amy Winehouse Michael Jackson Sean Young Larry King John Goodman David Hasselhoff Samaire Armstrong Riley Giles Stephanie Allen Pete Doherty