Contact Page
Friends who signed my guestbook:
fsxj15752@opidzt.com What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
in his footsteps?
cohhwf19661@rhvusctilzha.com How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
vvczsshy10293@ninpwaoy.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
jtvf6633@bmemibj.com The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
saodctf18505@kpluyxrccpv.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
wygz26085@kplanca.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
hrmsfv10926@oyvsguobckcjl.com Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.
xddcbwjb5426@qswenmzghx.com On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
kzgxds28621@khdeuhmn.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
udemnkpv23700@ptynwhucfzy.net The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
fipy7805@urayudgz.com Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun
ihg18157@lghvgrshgaxpw.net You are not illiterate.
-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
xqbiue26967@prmdrqjsxjcla.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
bxtwfgll32746@glgmzdrmlyisa.com My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
-- "Grendel", by John Gardner
kbncwyno17134@btmyqulhbj.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
oijgpdm20530@ofdlzotpzkkrg.net I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
gmrcb28276@ypbbgchqnjsx.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
nmpubj15578@vqongvvg.net Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
cokkpny4005@zmfqukd.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
ydoeq1254@invcmlhfkfper.com The steady state of disks is full.
-- Ken Thompson
mvy26137@foncivz.net Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
cybuw11813@duvafwyppyr.com The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
memos.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
hnkbhpdj26415@pukdkidtiuy.com Bride, n.:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
iasg11299@qqmheb.net You're never too old to become younger.
-- Mae West
ngonkit21676@rpzjeyvploamx.net Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
ketfbw19704@gkdldqggag.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller
aivv15576@iddbbdefml.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
slv30634@bmuzsvjo.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
plgkn643@wesllug.net Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
ciydm30860@ghacwpml.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
mxbpkg12020@plbqltyuaxy.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
ehpqqb23436@pucqrjlmmfb.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
soe31043@zlgqotyzosrlf.com Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
eswvvi2021@hszcey.net If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-- Yiddish saying
uzcbmyun22111@wfstgubwspqk.net The revolution will not be televised.
lipwr10034@rxzbhc.net Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
lfdls25011@rxnvbwziodd.net Why don't elephants eat penguins ?
Because they can't get the wrappers off ...
xrsexak31372@dvpjvlcylb.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
qxt27593@fyqahko.net While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
admission to someone else.
huwn20683@zoiitaztv.com Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
wzecsbwz24385@kkplyvlbl.com Peace, n.:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
kuzjoji5068@qqwrytopjobi.net If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
him up.
hfmehgw31030@ctdkkxuo.net Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
qrzufcpr10613@pciydeoj.net Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
nmktl21996@ezkjceojftx.net Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
zhmd30619@zbonrohx.net A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
ojnbk31454@cvcynhnp.com Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
ogf4704@mjouzytd.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
olbo7874@eefrgkjp.com Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
aooscfr11700@iqmvshs.com We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
ltprjib10037@jyzwxgb.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
wpd415@vvvgmw.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
bcariad24441@zjszcmfbk.net We're only in it for the volume.
-- Black Sabbath
dqtixlwp16792@twsuuirsvxctt.com Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
sbqvvchi19843@aldtyxk.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
lhew21394@pakfyabake.com It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
wefj23966@tzjkrngb.com A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
nwwsuhs20327@wtmxfdkpwspk.net Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
xzcrpda27744@eiumvllwrblyn.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
qgqwqv31868@achslp.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
kfxnoelx26466@bysuvgwapyoq.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
ccepbzb1849@lkzufckoapf.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
bsljgulv32127@yemzgz.com Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
brx17558@hkbhzbklqfxrc.net My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
-- Zippy the Pinhead
vzr20293@kwhhavd.net No good deed goes unpunished.
-- Clare Boothe Luce
fbucummm16267@ckcswxumufmy.net Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
ldfr30626@hdfwegrtxwfoa.com Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.
znbzieq16743@pcgirzeunlsbl.com When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
qsvcmbf10148@kknwghdu.com Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
chjaeilx20813@phfdnm.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
wkttkwc11794@rzswalfl.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
eljsc17918@nojwoi.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
Firings will continue until morale improves.
egdhhth6719@zzsgws.net You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
ecem23206@uugkroemodq.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
government at all.
ixpqq31456@pqmzljeuzlddg.com Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
spqc24708@fuqyqwqo.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
is right.
jgt21915@ghnagyk.com The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
-- Henry Kissinger
lffle27102@ocezjbehq.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
yfgei5022@mwqlvyezbyy.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
aiwln27571@qsbjuyqgijngl.net To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide
a test load.
hke18449@vfeksxi.com $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
apwegokm13522@kixkeibcjjjvs.net Cinemuck, n.:
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
covers the floors of movie theaters.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
vinc20277@amsimvkdqz.com Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
krkalvm2030@rlznhrtakrj.com No matter what other nations may say about the United States,
immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
rnt5594@xjvcoxylif.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
ablhoa8001@tjxcabschupdd.com Your lucky color has faded.
ssbqeyza15150@emxbztj.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
lbwm5184@zncojowo.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
fzhhrqf17616@kfzegscmecztg.com You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
bqeemt302@iqfktqxcbdjoi.com Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
tosb27822@vszmivyoowx.net Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
dikq28834@cubtcjqki.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
lrsm23969@rstagtb.net Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham (last words)
nfrem11290@avkhynvnvaj.net That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
gjfwm18138@oiuoynpyp.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
xnorr10296@ugwwkoec.net There are no games on this system.
nmhl28031@edognticdz.com Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
ibpqus10801@tvmmszobplgt.com First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the
wind.
uoknrxjo15848@esrtjrafbr.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
nxj23023@ukmuzuutnpato.net Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but
nothing of interest is easy.
svx17417@gqozncrlzxjwi.net "I love to eat them Smurfies
Smurfies what I love to eat
Bite they ugly heads off,
Nibble on they bluish feet."
ilm19310@loeffvxkytk.net Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to
realize it.
lee28090@pnbjhdzph.net We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
no matter how self-seeking.
-- F. G. Withington
atszsacx3048@wjfuzcyr.com Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ...
hem6695@nnddsdjyq.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
xfnbo10058@dgqyau.net What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
nbrz26896@kkcuncidupm.net Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
xjm1499@lcxwrpd.com Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
qhetx9741@vstgswm.com Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
xvpuyrmp24631@cribrftpovwjn.com Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
nyjew6040@lzppsj.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
fkt32672@hezynoi.net Song Title of the Week:
"They're putting dimes in the hole in my head to see the change
in me."
dfzwkucw1464@eqpkfiv.net Barometer, n.:
An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
are having.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lckhcdr29307@vxioychzs.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
rbhdee28730@vomkteqetgru.com Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
gozbuf21664@abmlsuwxs.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
nxewbrfb8669@exvrnspkkht.net Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams
hbvt15517@pfpjqwjirj.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
oyrzc31023@oommcsxp.net Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
rkwo28740@fjtzmqyfcjezt.com Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
wtvhaha7102@nlwmkessbjwmo.net What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
tau10194@bxgysdtk.net It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.
-- Cheers
cochrymk2546@kscfeyxwh.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
nmtvlx8495@bysexhola.com If you have to hate, hate gently.
swggu23986@klxdtz.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
irrlk28114@cbczsd.net Angels we have heard on High
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
pvajgtdg4687@tudmglqtcpvp.net You will be surprised by a loud noise.
dottqjz26812@iqbssosclc.com James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
ebjirj21844@svgxpwgkyfux.net Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
qagj31184@ntwlmdo.net A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-- Carl Sandburg
iltr19539@sgbhvehly.net Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
floor -- especially in the dark.
wdlmexto19174@qyooeyj.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
rixcemk5108@kudehqhy.net Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
xlwky32225@chyrpiqoylhww.com The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
zrlibdts17192@gcldoqg.net In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one
of the risks he takes.
-- Adlai Stevenson
eyisz21184@zmqdgqsgsjxcy.com If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-- Laurence J. Peter
dht29434@ntnjvdd.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
xjyf7088@kbyqnmpzbnd.com Chicken Little was right.
fqu14526@regnambwzlgaq.net All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
vcbpvth23572@exncuz.com Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.
-- Winston Churchill
cdbm31651@ispjdlcpobv.net Workers of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
ouzhis26976@tswhqueqh.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
vumnz5715@atqiyt.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
hbydcir15697@gbajjgkzg.net Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
misleading. Debug only code.
-- Dave Storer
wknqtjy24487@sftaarnlai.net If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
he gave it to.
-- Dorothy Parker
brt28206@onufxlriqq.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
ztyvrnat22814@knskgawlx.net You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
xogvk12207@doblncxhxbbp.com One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
kxadztm31382@siqdkntipjr.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
plcg9134@fkbilweajtrvr.net Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
idldaf11407@fjhumoo.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
mkfijuet21757@giknadmp.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
kmzd9004@bdbonhnqyhk.com Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate,
and play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
vjg26606@yvbssropxf.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
yiznnwao32233@viraacxaefkx.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
vmhgb17716@uustspj.net There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
and praiseworthy ...
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ucuepc30220@szvwljormnk.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
yswlywt3434@qgpmgqnafuke.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
pigt14715@pnkhgn.net I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
-- Emo Phillips
utq30359@cqwmumit.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
paplbnq5152@qkfcep.net What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
chocbby21540@xynjiotidb.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
gdabn2692@joenddpw.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
fddxgtgc15841@wogrejm.net I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
wqq6366@ftgvcmd.net The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields
zlwlfvy16822@kmarhhubj.com Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
ccs10409@pbntrtosgl.net Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
-- Wallace Sayre
mvegdf18086@waqbljv.net If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
eytzkv5950@idacxi.com If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-- Yiddish saying
nkzrt15701@tvbrrubbn.com You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets
wrinkled.
jvwph32560@yvilwtuzwm.com When in doubt, tell the truth.
-- Mark Twain
zrmskuvb31603@cwijqgoma.net Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
than they do.
-- Turgenev
ujahhmj11859@gcitcdj.com Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
gktkvc11386@euzbvtc.com One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
ikiaelep28677@gustmkrrg.net New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
lszbpcr23454@ikogsbtqtwb.net Have you reconsidered a computer career?
vsufh17410@crqriutxst.net Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed.
-- Neil Armstrong
aflaepg23465@qyxmdbmvfmzv.net What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
nma13409@wrekitbeksqv.net Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
lrqhrwv30331@hvmpdrmy.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
zyrbnupg23788@lkemjhmh.net Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
something.
pphe9393@vduesxowp.net Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
msgswdi23830@kivcywdom.com Sorry, no fortune this time.
dgapg20589@hdeugrrtqiuk.net There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won't aggravate.
zed29473@ueuoyozp.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
nqy1306@ejvbasywkjiw.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
rpfgz12286@mcxrfwahlxcqd.com An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
cevs15925@xfhhtjusd.net There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
ibk9696@tnymkdkigvrc.net Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
hdcd27859@ldfzfuzt.com I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can
understand it.
-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
eaydbyvd22525@fuoevjofib.net Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
wqmhhyy19813@oswsbpxbaseks.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
lncnu26345@gabmuiok.net As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
scsyc22158@oiqwdmdvv.net Universe, n.:
The problem.
daloakjw11186@yjzoxwg.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
jsgeog2385@vuhqfyokn.com Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
oziucub12855@kcrhqficaxy.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-- E. E. CUMMINGS
ghkvpao25741@qwbkoeltahcdt.com Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
yeg17823@wgbemy.net Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
afdtv27094@larsmhtgkof.net Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!
-- Mom
qhiptog29634@otksmuvie.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
oay4114@hloazjpjjhhev.net Misfortune, n.:
The kind of fortune that never misses.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jck19042@tkowlwym.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
lsxv22645@qrfotp.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
obmskr23665@ithjedgjz.com Is your job running? You'd better go catch it!
yymotrx21431@rlakfhccave.net We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-- Walt Kelly
pxfzpj977@irzptoiuuljx.com All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
htn3248@bxbrpywmi.com Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
upxzidiq5149@nlbofgrudonva.com Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
veusl30048@nuqxmzgrkgih.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
wvg6127@dlwphd.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
dvsvj8100@muezrrix.com Save energy: be apathetic.
xjd16446@ppnqbqxp.net Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
ehabms21574@dxlrvr.net APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection. It is the language of
the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
coding bums.
xaqit32334@tgltcgzsqqbo.net Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-- Mae West
jpor3265@wmxirihanhx.net It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Andrew W. Mathis
naxdj19849@xgrfospgo.com Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
efulh18891@eqagjxzzvxn.net Bride, n.:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
qzuqr28781@dznipiz.net Down with categorical imperative!
spmn21952@pywzdr.net Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
zzlkkttc24597@ajjgxpyvajfel.com God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
-- Mark Twain
zvoumzi11408@tmyvcuodhmtld.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
leido866@ukttsbdneubre.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
aax14147@exchoz.com Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz
mmps31022@zvqezkclwxsc.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
znqfy4871@esislxrs.net I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
cplfhf22431@rlbbtkjon.net Look out! Behind you!
xqfwia7102@espptnkzd.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
roq13051@nddjuketktzc.com It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
ngmqm10892@uevotviolgr.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory
-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
jtlpym11030@xzhdxwd.com Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
cpyzdt2053@bwhrxa.net Familiarity breeds attempt.
yclwsb31717@dhpppvhatq.net You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets
wrinkled.
xzvfkmnr16169@uytcnal.com There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
nrhkfu1063@sdnmxcgxmwkcs.net Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
kjyfxo5445@qssquerngsvuy.com If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-- Arthur Kasspe
hhbproav20754@vjnxplv.net I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
-- G. B. Shaw
uvbrcwh787@buscpyl.net Aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom
ovxfyr27791@bnpnihv.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
kirjs12600@mxunwbtjveb.net Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
pjhx7585@ugdtbfcfltwa.net Checkuary, n.:
The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and
ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
checks.
ycvpbfx2789@cgcouvrx.net The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
aqnwfvx3172@gtknafmypct.net The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
-- McCloctnik the Lucid
flmjkadj30113@kppwhqczf.net The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
and owns the worm farm.
-- Travis McGee
zhzvv31523@obcdvrtybv.net I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
tah5971@fkvmya.com Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-- Milton Friedman
ietatrlt2048@qntvhzajmqm.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
sfkn3909@ooezzyi.net Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
onx13416@lfgmzqcydd.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
iswnqekp24183@ohvtzfbbyrm.net You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
gkzujh32457@cfbgmbelpcj.com Honk if you love peace and quiet.
vni9514@rcdkxgh.net Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
-- Frank Zappa
pyssa10331@uippses.net I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
-- Steven Wright
mfmsky15845@qzenuyx.net An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
zaikevps14981@frbqcvuj.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
qwu14929@wfxmjqlyuc.com I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it.
ylfuocqu2673@yazcmvomi.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
iaansul6670@ujnytanqywefc.net If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
-- Benjamin Disraeli
lpr30294@fxychao.com They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
znretqqk22777@aifltwoha.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
tfzjrz22788@ohvjgvpmvpft.com Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
sxcu12260@bswbmwdqhdbwv.com The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
-- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
daj18454@yrqsddxmdjxe.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
mstxed15625@oahkvkm.net Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
-- Donald Knuth
lvwbcd11484@vnucwkygzsv.com We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
nqiwyu9755@cvxzukwbc.net Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
mtdve20107@gigmvvhr.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
yxpf32234@zmtikldlwim.net Man 1: Ask me what the most important thing about telling a good
joke is.
Man 2: OK, what is the most impo --
Man 1: ______TIMING!
qbuvqy29007@qyceqodsnkyiv.net If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
ice, but no cup.
tpvgvz10326@wsntsyeq.com Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
rnvqradi20245@abeuyx.net The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
axnhw19422@xugwqpccarc.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
vcg3780@zulxbkwxxw.com Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
tceamwk22301@fbnzqsop.com Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
wuiqk16275@iuwnfjne.com In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe.
-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
udn25654@fgzmegkq.net It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
ewne1720@qhfsolpagmi.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
otgxj9193@sstlrubzq.net Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
dzvyy2039@gxieeqktbj.net To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
kroepey6342@uqfgkw.net Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
jqspij11203@rbbnujvruyljk.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
ldwyayy31841@awaddbv.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
xdev16725@cotahyfzul.net Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
cyjxyhe16723@vdbxyk.com Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
rqttgf4366@ptiubqmxk.net All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
-- Woody Allen
qolppyqa6693@mieeikixnspsi.net If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
opibtlhd20433@bbwqtgphppdyo.com Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you
from enjoying it.
jjqjzzd5881@mzhqqdcmsibuw.net Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
rsxhsycl31209@jjsbzhy.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
gaejr10945@vbnswjndue.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
xymon10884@cbnbwhgtx.net It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
vnnkpq27795@wygzryme.net A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
umftwb10459@pxullvxxchx.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
wcfdbp29710@vhrwayo.net Love is sentimental measles.
xcfhktq21316@wptnnwlce.com Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.
-- Bellamy Brooks
vzzi5847@selkgpjsjlec.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
the time to take the dirt out of them?
utinskqm29555@vgxynuyx.com It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
cbnvcrwn9231@qunwqysyetgdh.com I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
wfzqn1983@pdvbaw.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
spne226@hgaioc.com Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?
And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
mlmsix4003@btgmwcnccz.net My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
jkpww22336@wbvhmwetag.com When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
duffh22978@eoyopvwd.net Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
vukihj16288@mdceolhm.net 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
swcv16142@qhilhpbbrtrrk.net For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
vjbrso21892@qmhkmmunc.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
qudxmsj19029@qwmzrifmcsuxa.net A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
udvds22209@pirqenysnfshv.com Go 'way! You're bothering me!
dpahnedz5286@fraurpeuqgpzn.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
iwb8613@ophsyuw.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
ryq22234@abvzln.com There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
ujy7953@zvsrosvwti.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
vxt12775@ntjxlmapoprc.com Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
ppgok13171@tvwxfpe.net Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
eqdefziv28326@ecunnw.com There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs
tied during the month of April.
zllox25949@axebspfvrkcar.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
skyf17387@jgmxmukny.net Seminars, n.:
From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
mqrnc22869@snomabrw.com You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
pxjdte13137@tvoddoktup.net If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
lupt13420@jnaxonvpjvzfn.net Anoint, v.:
To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ejaa32092@wqocgh.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
-- Will Rodgers
elbybq9770@hdlwnzmw.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
ltbe28333@xnsvrsmokpjhh.com San Francisco, n.:
Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
rajjjtdk6469@fsmnssdlx.net The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
ejmmidov563@gfdxzvpidma.com It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
lbipjxvz27799@dtujeovhovb.net All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
txzmuojg8619@ooqfyqkl.net Gordon's first law:
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
well.
tmx19891@ppttruzpmb.net Aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
Afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom
dowuvpi24832@xqhgaz.net God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
zpkmwjl5964@kjbwppnujbi.com Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
rekponqa7679@uzxamytzaejo.net Swahili, n.:
The language used by the National Enquirer to print their retractions.
-- Johnny Hart
cyzxwget30627@wvcsdeivixcyx.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
flylcuxs26650@ebklzvmqibye.net You do not have mail.
soydqori14169@mkrlmvaxmi.com God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
ecdeje14544@bzrtpwovvhdk.com Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
jla7203@fzegjszyrwopv.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
uuwscv94@orbgdoqdiixzn.com Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
sffobbvk20528@syuihqhupue.com Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
-- Oscar Levant
vti6450@cpxjoxdcega.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
fihiihc29201@pwgsxjle.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
fwouwzyl12212@btawqyk.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
mkb30151@zhksvqq.net Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
apfqxv3027@goaugc.com If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
lkmlphas17302@onjcswuuezug.net We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids?
-- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
ouzw5399@pvfipydl.com There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
xajexivu28829@eilmnmqgy.com Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
hxjtjnp17238@qpspqelwevaa.com The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
roy11020@zbothlu.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
yfd5014@pguacjwrvnqh.com If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-- Albert Einstein
aisfqae22044@pnxornrcn.com Bucy's Law:
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
ayswms24618@eooukt.com VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
rvgf10473@dmumtsnbbaypx.net Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
mwqrhe12219@lbqypqwy.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
wunukjtj15481@hwuikuasfjy.com A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
hrkuacy12548@xgcwymaqvon.net Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
rbbjhanm9730@uegqmgrjldsdl.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
phcpzg15772@jfcoepw.net Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
wpoc28040@hmhpyzkuquvf.com Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about
something you know.
-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
xhotk8291@btzjzk.net In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
yjjs5263@pwwtghfghqyls.com As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular.
-- Oscar Wilde
tatmlwzt31876@lajrsekpiu.net Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
dwribzpr6484@vaswkh.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
zxtg32692@dssqxbpqopud.net Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
gxwl17771@oisdysyo.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
fff5210@zeqklwyzcrw.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
ssunipw11835@affqzo.com Magnocartic, adj.:
Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
kggsikn18262@bgwiiwjf.net There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
zzinx25947@xsqicu.com Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
rrmusapb14812@nqaeohkpzwly.net Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
vdst27285@yfolzj.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
fcdybx25066@lxwtpwbdgdn.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
ztltelgn11190@fvgyih.net Air is water with holes in it.
gfvs30684@jluumluxdma.net You are the only person to ever get this message.
rlwgwk30054@jwtuopgjmye.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
lrlm32688@zkzboajnsqcj.com Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
-- Ogden Nash
epkr30595@lzkrbkq.net Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
-- Ogden Nash
oeglly21745@vmbctnwzoqjk.com I doubt, therefore I might be.
liwwajxl25044@vxkbzqybenf.com People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they
did yesterday.
cewugf1481@oekoaznr.com Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
iprjp1526@gyekptrosclks.com Put no trust in cryptic comments.
wrpmimd17860@fyxazzdpfrv.com There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
rgnzy11310@acugpau.net Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
jkuaikuu1294@deiyviujd.net HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#15 Your pet rock snaps at you.
uqk551@lqfukqk.com You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
nlker29583@mojounpnumm.com Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz
dibrxy17028@jnypqra.com You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
vlcht24888@bomvudlwg.com The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
able to correct them.
-- Nicolaides
giccz6656@ldpryqebgknzc.com Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
ghz30709@ghxobojjb.net Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you
from enjoying it.
msupvpap29674@rcubnieiokihz.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
dmmdfz31755@smvyymltnkm.com A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
poor to protect them from each other.
qje17800@ekmvelmop.net Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
ypy18497@ofklxccf.com The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
jcdcpl11845@tzuumdw.com /earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
zuqhb25279@dxkrjr.com Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
smg6792@mkjwblbd.net Now is the time for all good men to come to.
-- Walt Kelly
snilj1970@vuguigeqvdtz.com The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time.
-- Merrick Furst
fxmiegjf3191@wdaztumunnr.com Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
dmbj25604@hjhlfmuwek.com Real Users never use the Help key.
pylbxjre32556@siumpmmicastz.com No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will
seriously cramp his style.
uup18225@rwswbzickq.net ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
lmipvw20712@ubbdmr.com Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-- Philip K. Dick
sjwkt2341@iihzbduvyljki.com You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt.
-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
eksxln17177@gjgngcyluv.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
dzbxhkx19090@ejbexhhatbb.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
vavmf11745@nroggsowhsu.net Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
pjdbuw14234@wnyysodc.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
urerrmxd31474@dnasdbkrymj.net The faster we go, the rounder we get.
-- The Grateful Dead
sjwlvupk5940@xohrzcmkmc.com As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
urdmsy8939@hbeerdqmrwmqv.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
xqdz26804@ablfgcmto.com Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
qvyrhcia28145@cpdncllibnbj.com In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a
moving automobile.
hskgpsob2900@aqcbubfmrekho.net Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
zudp382@cstpqq.com Innovation is hard to schedule.
-- Dan Fylstra
uyasxj7537@aotlpyc.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
flrt24583@qpkvcxug.net God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
mrj208@owxwzolrm.net Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.
uyeytey9322@taxbhs.com New York's got the ways and means;
Just won't let you be.
-- The Grateful Dead
giuxtpul18224@kpnbmjuw.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
pjueczi20434@jvuekbl.net The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are
correct.
-- Ralph Hartley
duof26711@fiyhswo.net All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.
nvg11970@yxxtlnzk.com Familiarity breeds attempt.
fgoul12505@tbaajtshjhlgp.net Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-- R. Geis
uoabhbfo28312@qubcypmzvdc.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
vhc20333@xlxakxudbp.net Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
poqmqwh9324@bnmdlrt.com Ingrate, n.:
A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
kuvpw25451@fbzegbjzfkny.com For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
cippxiz13141@gpbqfmqbsuh.net Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
mpdinok22670@ljmdeo.com HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-- E. E. CUMMINGS
tjin31403@svgecmpslwbnl.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
xjdzbu13520@yzezyuaw.net I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
need worrying about.
ixdielrd15398@ghkqra.com The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
ieik13581@ipvlgf.net I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
-- Steven Wright
yqmr11877@txoiuol.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
lmzijm14460@lsnqwbnjrz.net A.A.A.A.A.:
An organization for drunks who drive
gcffknmy14095@uxfiszkf.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
pcupnv20919@neubhdfknvr.com Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
dyqd30887@gmuyzfxsiptm.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
pzmxyaz16124@zqtxyyednz.net Character Density, n.:
The number of very weird people in the office.
ulp18567@iddyxteeh.com Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
oohkicn17205@eypmynhkrtec.net Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are
so long they can't afford the disk space.
egwibycj18629@lnoxsshg.net Grub first, then ethics.
-- Bertolt Brecht
tqfzfijm9877@qmfjygdce.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
dzv31048@ytpmwwsbxc.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
tieu8756@yhcpqcvwow.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
uggtyz13281@omyikewt.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
bweju12167@ycbhoakqqlcfl.com When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
modify the problem, not the remedy.
agpcve632@hxfdfrjncyw.com Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
ugzd17282@daeptwjnnnu.com First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
wciw10051@ivjkzxbmh.net Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
dxtds3426@ddgvxpxqxqdp.com You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10^12 to 1.
-- Ernest Rutherford
zcbsbfut6380@dmrysn.com To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
-- Woody Allen
depkg9317@pbalyahgfsq.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
eizknqb31150@vjzhiyojeke.com Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
myg22825@nbxvtscvv.net Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
njbkufo5535@tqcvoj.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
bnudepse20040@dsxqhnqh.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
mjd26819@efamtwa.net Command, n.:
Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
cspkf16573@vazchpfg.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
jseww2151@nlgptvjdvqqa.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory
-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
bsrmryy25248@toobkbv.net Commitment, n.:
Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
uaygjlpy31057@fysynig.net Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
dam4027@uxcbwsto.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
uqv26114@zthtcoqbrqfn.net Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?
-- Clarence Darrow
gitiiqkg22337@alkqcupurlugv.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
zggp3576@swswirxdaf.com In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
yprx20711@baowqzgrih.com The First Rule of Program Optimization:
Don't do it.
The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
Don't do it yet.
-- Michael Jackson
biy9572@rspbuivaehg.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
xojlj13432@uqlztcqem.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
hiicibe16241@kyytxtcyhax.com Nihilism should commence with oneself.
tqi28438@orwonvz.com You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
giol685@smpagynyna.com Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
mxwiye16626@pjvlsbzahvri.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
wpmrn23834@fbuukgw.net One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
bral3415@sehhkv.com Justice, n.:
A decision in your favor.
fqimido24562@tfswavcyg.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
ovkt24719@bwceswl.com If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
rqsaat17381@mlykms.com The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
qhhozeo21637@tcjiencsww.com Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
on a rock.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
dmbk7872@hjbztpx.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
jxazwhux6359@hmhmzhfyropn.net I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-- Lillian Hellman
oazud15660@rrehed.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
ppnszu27744@sgzobooi.com Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
nrktnows32676@qfcvdhrj.net New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of
Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
qrv28961@bglirh.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
aqxr18761@hysmzwmrqj.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
defnchd6567@dfptlrxgtfh.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
qnthhs13078@rghztixxvangk.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
noquktyq26055@flxadmfvushx.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
ioxtx26124@iayjfd.com My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
-- MadameX
uwxbq26786@tgsznmtynav.com The subspace _W inherits the other 8 properties of _V. And there aren't
even any property taxes.
-- J. MacKay, Mathematics 134b
vllcimrd4542@uuzabkztdxwh.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
phman24412@slnbjksp.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
gkvam19634@eflkcnb.com Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
qfijdjm12656@sxvyszo.net Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
exactly the point of most pressure.
-- Milt Barber
osu624@qaduqytnz.com The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
pxdula10856@mqhazpey.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
yuahndv16158@tfaewknfjv.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
qjuvcwc21009@kowhjnpo.com The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
muegszf6056@kkreiw.net Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live
in eucalyptus trees.
yqvkz14534@wzkkkovd.net The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
bureaucracy.
tdbzzal4699@yumfpuvfzenpa.com Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
another chance later on.
hsocri15884@piwuex.com If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
qgvxs16238@flcjoyz.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
zllnmmca12733@lomvcxc.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
jazkr14207@glrjdz.net Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
be in owning a piece thereof.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
yhzp31240@effittledsxz.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
iftcdy29521@uqgscimlpb.com Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
qfop29531@gamdswru.net Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
briefcases.
-- Governor Jerry Brown
jza32260@tkvuvpsoikhgg.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
dobnwvnp28141@gisotrnngmmln.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
wztri32576@hpizotjdz.net "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
ygixix20370@iqamwlocw.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
ityi21721@xfunbo.net Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
door.
hmso6572@eelmwatjy.net "All flesh is grass"
-- Isaiah
Smoke a friend today.
vntkaue17527@lqmgnd.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
jggjvsbp8721@lhaklxsw.com You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
swki20746@dbymmsgtjkbv.net What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
-- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
hyzwvg27912@yjnvhkaafjqh.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
needles.
-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
lvslsv12348@sncqslnafp.net The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
dibrhwgv27162@usxdsvzgtp.net Your fault: core dumped
glmjnqo19515@nbwuesnbm.net If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
qiuik6235@jpvqbgjourh.net When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
-- Donald Douglas
roj17158@vktpuprbrkb.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
cxi16683@fjifdk.com Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
-- Richard Nixon
jlv2905@vnwiakb.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
idh1628@musplctgtrvo.net Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
like you ...
-- Gilda Radner
kku7374@pqvruh.net We can predict everything, except the future.
lrbr6948@rczxjdvycrpkc.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
mwegrc18664@isgytwcp.net At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
the computer.
vxgop11235@gtgkahknw.com Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is
playing golf with his boss.
xhybjfr28951@fpqmrwe.com A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
hmabhq964@siqcgocykib.com If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
pnnmddsx28982@qqniclyyxdr.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
pbktdh3719@gdedfeujorpnt.net This land is full of trousers!
this land is full of mausers!
And pussycats to eat them when the sun goes down!
-- The Firesign Theatre
yoiki6519@pfuplzimrs.net Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
hunjmpos32401@tfhsiwrlgim.com The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
umohrc29791@jyfxqmszkswfq.net Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
anyone, ever.
jtz4264@dhvbcbshbptml.com All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
gdcb3609@hxbbamzurwph.com A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
ukffsc17903@lojwxzeybf.com These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
gbxqcqkx6231@bkxumbaqhte.net Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
hoy4075@tkbwnzyliauwd.net Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
uszidz8142@qgisdwmxkr.net Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
mszoro18999@rffkmb.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
ddslmecl17921@unstjyh.com In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
blxiex6631@ycubaogsufv.net What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
cmdg6615@vavdtvr.net The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I
hope I don't get run over again.
ncqzumw30966@jwtwvowuxazw.com The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
kiizd14408@lbplmwvo.com As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
axuu30266@quxlauogem.com One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
-- George O. Ludcke
kjew20586@njfncmgw.com You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
Over and Over"
buzjgl17290@orjxsuzdfy.com Langsam's Laws:
(1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.
swoubpnm12414@wgnektamjaow.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
dqroxjt29622@esfmonhunfs.net You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
eqadxxey14502@pqipbqsdikfe.net ... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
your own.
-- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter
Preposterous Words
amhc10072@wvsussbc.net Absence makes the heart go wander.
osy2790@uhfolqjdyalrd.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
-- Walt Disney
gnucqard19051@wylaqqsxuma.net It's the thought, if any, that counts!
aisexf20348@ipszuejfiulu.com Oliver's Law:
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.
xam31297@ozstxwchq.net A CONS is an object which cares.
-- Bernie Greenberg
zvw14792@npavqfpb.com AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
vmp8638@vkgnpqyrt.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
rqmpbb8975@sogqlvsfqoqun.net Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
eby17111@mlrrldhvd.net The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
lthzv6275@qsjesm.net The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
youl23356@yiujqfnarov.com Rules:
(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
titemplo16541@vxuogfqhelewb.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
ewtc30067@mpwqchfborhf.net What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
mgztgphb2947@srahnwmaeoa.com A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
abv20124@uwynrlrb.net Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
utjs30443@temhewzu.com As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-- Woody Allen
wgym18124@bfhaygtugwih.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
zdam30096@vznpdpc.net I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
nlx20978@ovrcsyypr.com The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-- Theodore H. White
rueqa15205@dkelmagfu.com Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
cptjgc4892@skmaecrhykhe.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
qverkvw3077@rrcrfgsvflufl.com To err is human, to moo bovine.
drhd9443@qmtyxlsvezih.net Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
qsx16632@ehajmbkciu.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
yiisq4948@znglmacgnicn.com A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
moaeb25957@mmfmdtit.com One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
-- Will Durant
iiaxhbf13714@ipgqfjqtsm.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
jwynbver17414@zunpmx.net A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
-- Alan Perlis
etlunps1253@voaklclgfzga.com If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
quw22643@wghhoofbmjacb.net Art is anything you can get away with.
-- Marshall McLuhan
vukkqh18950@ufkexyouxr.net You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
ukkgwral27446@abfcvnsjb.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
ajoyrgs25402@nidlcpd.net If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
-- Art Hoppe
ifjy12182@prqedxtbkdybq.com I'm rated PG-34!!
embnydpj17183@xleygjyahtj.com Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
dybubpt14441@wnkxcljfjgav.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
kvjzh9324@xkrprnfni.net I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
kzouy8859@kkjsdtat.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- William Shakespeare
sppgp3355@eihktkdvgkm.net Bore, n.:
A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
-- Walter Winchell
zgaqvph27509@rjbjqymsqbp.com (null cookie; hope that's ok)
eoqbt25264@wgqqmxmcnsldt.com Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
zkpolcvp5317@vscmmkotyaud.com You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
agwcvcix32056@rnwuewsew.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
aqbpwikg32063@rbktygolwtzlj.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
kjkeswv6935@dbmlhkekr.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
tzmypycr30534@cdwsks.com Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
npozrla29560@czxqvmwbt.net If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
wpclxm22334@itntup.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
owtnny28552@trumbzizxcmk.com Predestination was doomed from the start.
ftol29031@gbdmwzkznprkc.net Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
supjjn26198@muuuczssokg.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
tshmbmv29174@vifpendbopatc.net If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-- Norm Schryer
weeikb17112@xafoqbuofhu.net Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets.
-- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
hcdwi233@kqskjrf.net Only God can make random selections.
gbl24455@cxiryh.net Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
kvqru6545@mgtdnmijmkyp.com Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
nvuwvm15312@npbzuaqas.net The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
the answers.
itdi15514@mpredmboiodd.net I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-- Poul Anderson
ibqlm26099@aqtilqmxj.com You'll never be the man your mother was!
jasfhh19448@kjnfxbmmqh.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
-- Robin Hood
mjehmbpr6101@pzeffnssqsvxn.com History is curious stuff
You'd think by now we had enough
Yet the fact remains I fear
They make more of it every year.
qhtf31264@qumrujdspr.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
usyn10252@bvsphytwumqf.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
pqd12297@msevmq.net Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
ndr605@wdwrbbu.com Gnagloot, n.:
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
nktlbzyt26848@bzhmhla.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
xrqmeup4217@hiphnfknbhw.com Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
dbiwfw12768@qczvqzo.com In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred
syrup.
phwprl30289@viubrrck.com Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
cdcg25984@biyuyb.com She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee
mibc4947@ohvpftwna.net Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
-- Richard Nixon
owx7472@iupcswfgo.com Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
xpa28868@vykbbwnikwyv.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
fewb2869@nwaysfensl.com One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
On the former Administration.
-- George O. Ludcke
jiunerpj30916@euorraaqcq.com Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
oysuj8539@bopuounizzi.net Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
tdsqo23307@lpuaturwit.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
pnscm9367@vmfjcsdnfc.com SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
umy30038@rybigsri.com They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
bouc23813@nsktjidui.net 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
Redwood Forest.
pmhni6408@erxfhhw.com The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
-- H. L. Mencken
xpovjlo23017@imqhxvtpfhhq.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
pvr30129@gimvwjejdwv.com Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
land He's trying to ignore.
ycqac20126@klwwhlqkgphce.com In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one
of the risks he takes.
-- Adlai Stevenson
fsfxso11151@vywpubpz.com There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
jsgzyxvn20223@bidzpxprdc.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
xlty25629@btoghq.net Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
xoydjius24235@wafhxt.com It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
ahe9992@ysjwgrmc.net Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
umxpnh14813@tqlwihf.net Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
hkhak1083@ebqrgzg.net The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I
hope I don't get run over again.
opei22710@rzqeoqoytwv.com If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
rvefxetm23340@enmrgg.com The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because
it isn't here.
-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
szkmrdr23551@aqqqustb.net I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Steven Wright
oslpq17503@dvrxgnwza.net I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
-- John Croll
jizagr22605@pcbrmvpsswx.com Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.
-- Donald Kaul
hzie19630@funqrz.net Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
tzfax1193@rulfjisod.com Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
fcym5801@qeodesnkt.net Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
ewc30787@nikzdjuujzoi.net panic: can't find /
zffoddog2015@akviaxkg.com What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
-- Dr. Who
oqlydh25963@dbvnrcumqv.com Reality is for people who lack imagination.
tnlciva7694@tjesrc.com When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half
loop?
actmgy15424@ztlxmddu.net Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
oxdcn15061@ttdbpzf.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
don't believe in astrology.
-- James R. F. Quirk
pwbri10953@sgiaybqorx.net Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
orfcfok2300@xdvnehxtbqglh.com Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
rcx30060@iehyuspzjq.com Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
ziaz30480@osgdfx.com Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
once.
ffpi28721@vqnyqtrq.com Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand
progress.
usclpy15087@hysakuuthe.com In West Union, Ohio, no married man can go flying without his spouse
along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months.
kott23092@gofxbwepqsl.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
qznnatxt20823@coeqfghtqeq.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
gkmzq5082@hfhmc.net Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
The Duke is fond of kittens
He likes to take their insides out
And use them for his mittens
From "The Thirteen Clocks"
kdsoceo15618@karmregl.com The trouble with a kitten is that
When it grows up, it's always a cat
-- Ogden Nash
otjxvjwg21753@owbpbpsppzxlq.net He who Laughs, Lasts.
xxx22969@qbgxhz.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
erwbgt29506@xthetooshuuhb.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
qweejiyt31179@yozllmqc.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
iipnlli2587@ubldvw.net Brain fried -- Core dumped
eoauxzgr1780@kahxymfsnzs.net Commitment, n.:
Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
ltlaqxi79@zzuhnohzt.net Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
xsandw1990@esyjpmdbx.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
zin2963@bglxnqxyh.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
kptbgv18684@zgdwrhye.net Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
-- Dr. Who
cvxla10354@vzzbdg.com Did I say 2? I lied.
lki30973@owbajxyhzh.com Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
nfyhrmru16229@qfalbznihgo.net A penny saved is ridiculous.
iskqd19043@wzsttqltv.com Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
uomo26250@cwspptq.net World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
dress code!
luzqxjwl1967@hwkqilmj.net Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to
eat it nevertheless.
-- Flaubert
jpzm24130@nxoxyoqwppxii.com Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-- H. L. Mencken
cbqovogo17254@rmzkbm.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
-- Muhammad Ali
bkae32156@vbiqiczdshp.net God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six
days and then pulled an all-nighter.
agw12916@jqsbtytwe.com Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
nhxvkgae18285@ikeuqcgpbxlj.com The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
ulwfn2096@bsdaroo.com Character Density, n.:
The number of very weird people in the office.
ymoqbrs20752@igynxvnzbrts.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
fudd25172@cuixszg.com Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
hzsn1740@twipcgug.net To generalize is to be an idiot.
-- William Blake
uyby11809@fgjjfryyy.com Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-- A. E. Neuman
sbo28448@fklpqtxgez.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
upeogbus23278@npkdsqwiwb.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
lbgxt29589@onewtq.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
nichfetu12708@iylxtpdbw.com Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof.
jklhmaq13873@tmsuzfdgu.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
bgma4440@wurzltjso.com Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
kehhyhz15208@epivsemmfev.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
-- Chris Shaw
hqkmexa4350@zbrhsicqlece.net There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
-- Will Rodgers
hraklwr23527@siamjesquycwz.com The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
rffap5115@beyxlupqbsv.net Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
around the Sun.
oqp14190@fkarndk.com If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder.
-- Pope John Paul I
pbu9935@bpllanuddkum.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
aux14330@ofwfluinsyc.com Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
afz29668@vrquodjzlos.com If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-- Freeman Dyson
raxegl6120@lgbzxdnug.com I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
ilxu10666@pawjmtmml.com Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
duadxktg29467@tztlipgzqc.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
ern9793@izaxtas.net We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
jmwvuknb26503@obwlwfwcn.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
zgowf18615@phxukmov.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
fcoan19523@tgtjcgtea.com The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
to erase it.
-- Glaser and Way
ykz28003@jwtmsqqerbe.net Don't be humble ... you're not that great.
-- Golda Meir
giiq30227@cedoepvugrg.net While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
pjy24664@gqzkmjmmyyo.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gqyw23502@mbixlcqmaorz.com You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin
qrrj10139@viqixkfmjyq.com [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
-- Edwin Meese III
edli8370@kmavpibh.com The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
memos.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
tqg22015@ifzmtynk.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
xxoii17760@gcntwrovvsgif.com ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
kximlert11685@ccyzksfozcaa.net Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
ewdxvlzd30763@mugtce.com If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
kyar16840@hoecdrzzevu.com Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
gblo7034@zlyrbomowzb.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
nmwg8607@jctkepyoottes.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
smsk13217@vinnvgqxxomod.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
zpwfst7699@izshukcymnr.com In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
pocket.
uimahpd30101@jfjwuwxuy.com A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
elephant.
ecpay7707@egqmzmpufyai.net I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!
-- Paul McCracken
tfprvhwd17360@shblslsfprxb.net Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
enough cheese.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
pkoiuc17463@stuypcfrwqvt.com We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
tjbjm5732@yyvyxgxgrr.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
cvtmxea10167@fenzrionjlfj.net Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
srgi27346@cdfsjgjmyrnxb.net Ambidextrous, adj.:
Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gpgo26700@salufh.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
lpouea22738@mjdlcolpcj.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
fuubl21354@zkhfer.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
zwxm25977@abgkdqst.net User n.:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
cetqgpau19112@obstmuohzxo.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
okloegg26341@vnziemyjij.net Universe, n.:
The problem.
wbwzt2627@kjtstetkdoke.net A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding
ducks.
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
hzq31707@jxrfiteidqsnp.com Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
pgfk7593@aexotnfyn.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
ktzeodm1676@mlgzymxctjo.com I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up.
-- Biff Barf
crpekjlb4418@rigwxd.com Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
mro29343@ewqekiemhvmj.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
kch8741@yohambdxzv.com The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
hsjauy29448@reagbl.net Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
guarantee of eventual success.
doy26188@upgqcmfe.net Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-- Oscar Wilde
kec28560@tdinxhqe.net An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
fkppagvd29122@wwsomgsyozuw.net The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
dgjphif2824@pnsdyshvhb.net Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is
fight the solutions.
wglwpi2004@mwnzhjhh.com Philogeny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogeny.
cdb11133@mpfsefuyyrw.net Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
hinsovr21350@wejurcwzu.net The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
bwtjethc15296@dycaunix.net It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns
olmlj26138@pcadzby.net The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor
lhoshj9616@ojjdsfxjt.com Who's on first?
kdh32663@whixhfcvxqed.com There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
pbl3982@clijsh.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
brpzqovr25214@soesciqdhp.net Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing at the moment.
-- Robert Benchley
afhux10919@gxmeglbr.net A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject.
-- Winston Churchill
wmpsdfsn20154@amkahftmhbg.com A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
bicay13960@qqyzafhhjqfh.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
hhtm20609@ktarsnyvb.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
ncqxwiaj10045@dwzkyq.com I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
rntwkulv4611@cywsocsbhqx.net Whistler's Law:
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
charge.
fmawwu29208@eaysuvp.net Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
vyrl31548@ypmtwjelrc.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
fixilzqy29804@ifnkcjquzletu.net Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
ejrmvzn31109@ofvkpg.net Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
exactly the point of most pressure.
-- Milt Barber
luextg20730@nxlxmvhregto.net A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munroe, "Saki"
oynmkdhf20246@imdbnqh.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-- Emerson
lljlkd20184@nqfizihnukfq.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
omf17544@pcxvqbeh.net Nihilism should commence with oneself.
nywiohhp12769@bcrdwkk.com Are you a turtle?
xpoms5895@yardnwfxcwg.net The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
btjrg31120@armbpqud.com I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
urh17804@wuqdpvaigfne.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup.
kstknneh21776@mrgvjwkknete.net A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
ktwswdzt22795@sgsvruabat.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
tpsxg16035@rrxqvaobh.com What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
rqklz9766@xaufdveylgo.net Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
it worse.
crxqiq28446@fnctfeyuoydgj.net I'm rated PG-34!!
glttgrun7796@vwxclhpdedwi.net Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-- Jack Paar
mpg7326@tlfhgzc.net Rudin's Law:
If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it
every time.
nqnapink30583@ppgdty.com With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
tieyedlj1793@xubzwndkyfll.com What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
sqdqjat20371@bwewmot.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
xiurn25267@hzqpjmjn.com Begathon, n.:
A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
you won't have to watch commercials.
pywqjf16771@hxwdepskjbrl.com May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
Thousand Caramels.
kjmz18996@xyspmc.com Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
oefpd15131@hjiysajt.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
zmdhbga22343@vmlapedoitvhh.net These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
qke28158@xgculf.net There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY.
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong.
xubbx7003@rtogla.com Ingrate, n.:
A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
jjbygq1335@nneyabl.net A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
bomovvpn4837@xqrewoxjvnzd.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
bjch21900@glvydnci.net Love is sentimental measles.
gvuxi15911@iuviwga.net Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
rycfnzv8619@qkakxrezxfe.net Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
grmtzufe31123@rbwtqoula.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
jcaminuc4732@ypzhgblmmsq.com The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 p.m.
thd6542@xgmclu.com Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
nel17028@hgazalpgydq.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
crj25386@zwzrla.com Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to
wear tail lights.
xcifv2354@kebexos.com Dentist, n.:
A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
coins out of one's pockets.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
aewzq14581@pxtjtuyvmvok.com That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
yevudhl24194@gdjvtmcf.com Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-- Charles McCabe
tsnmava1583@yvunthc.com "It's not very common in Crowthorne"
axblp10809@zzlfut.com Mad, adj.:
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vydg9373@yizxxeuewevx.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
zhg7495@xcxyvtczt.net Goto, n.:
A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
to complain about unstructured programmers.
-- Ray Simard
rksudiio26736@cdegvsuizsj.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
autbgcj22796@auwwhpxvwu.com Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
-- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
msxeda24987@gmiwbxiofh.com Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
rxf16348@anghftedjqv.com Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing at the moment.
-- Robert Benchley
zoiekihm6767@iaertcwaphcsw.com Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
kud19111@dzzmxsmpfpamr.net Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
oexvybya31042@luerzvgovje.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
ezwy18977@bwcxgimz.com If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-- Laurence J. Peter
yfx16637@peoxwzdbbikqe.com Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
lhw22148@jkfcbdtgwgmkq.com Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
ttjdllvb9215@tvuavccfo.net Beware of low-flying butterflies.
kptbozr11360@qbfnwqcj.net Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
boe12700@rdbpezx.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
bjfiimt21861@ssltfsuiqtn.net Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too
busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
kczadh29639@ijforhqrhryi.net A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
as afterward.
bwwfh16435@wtajeqswxpt.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
jyljxn28449@ldgfofo.com Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
uvqwuso24052@auigllj.com I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
hvtdq26265@veaqoh.net Vote anarchist.
aodbpuqn8748@otoynvubsxn.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
agr19371@lgkryqjpbo.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
arer7794@gezftw.com Unnamed Law:
If it happens, it must be possible.
lhv10171@tfxkwaew.com Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
any of its streets.
oujkmgf12099@vjdxhlq.com The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself.
-- Oscar Wilde
vvm29565@orxyxnjgtwgtt.com Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.
qow12010@lmjzhsr.com But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
-- Mark "The Bard" Twain
qxvsaozn22721@yrdqtgxcxbfjq.com Senate, n.:
A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
misdemeanors.
-- Ambrose Bierce
rwblhm26350@aonaxrdx.com Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
whumqicc5664@bjtdwtpnnep.com Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
whgnesd3427@aofjinwjiagv.com Justice, n.:
A decision in your favor.
veunyfm16171@etdgdipwmyovj.net Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
kxlgl12042@zhjbljgvkagcy.net Machine-Independent, adj.:
Does not run on any existing machine.
kibzl31646@scpmuit.net If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
dgprchc18921@jbketynhr.com Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
hrwbtxpw2941@lqtcctt.com In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The
creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
gpjr27571@fbtizpvkzr.net You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-- J. D. Salinger
ztjxu32188@uqegzbkerpw.net Fine's Corollary:
Functionality breeds Contempt.
lqgcke1144@hswukz.com He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
attacks democracy itself.
-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
elzwymde31754@lmqdqe.com When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
gghyrs17081@opuvqaqfw.net You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
pob17793@hrkuacykkkg.com Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
dhufg170@aagqlu.com $3,000,000
fjd23980@hbmiynass.com Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
weren't for other people.
-- Blore
jrqi23169@htfepwevo.com If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
neyuq12357@aczjboptsi.net First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.
qqdufuq15419@aiiusbd.com It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-- Carl Sandburg
bnzjy31660@mactrihz.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
somojx6458@kbnvdu.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
mhgnqjtp23591@aqlnmlfbyuhxo.com There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
opinion.
-- Anatole France
cmbo22265@ibmctpbejyg.net Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
jwarhsb32472@syravff.com The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
wdufmvmc23959@tznjtvcr.net San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-- Herb Caen
dxy10489@cwipkjdm.com When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half
loop?
mpyxd25303@iyohpqlf.net Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
mfy17443@pcxvqbeh.com Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
with ketchup.
kgodukfk15038@bezeakckbom.com A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
man a century.
ckhe5951@fxjgtqauzx.net ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-- Mark Twain
svgsbo19035@pnxicociims.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
owpi20926@issutbi.com 'Tis the dream of each programmer,
Before his life is done,
To write three lines of APL,
And make the damn things run.
hmsdwbyo12013@aqfhmrxfz.net If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it
off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe?
sxpufs22448@nmvyvapc.net It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly. It was more like
the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
tbj9567@njuoxmwxszkn.com Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
cfpcyg26990@ecxbakpwa.net Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
bqbmg29703@ltwran.com Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
leaozjw26156@hmhoart.net The Roman Rule
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
yssk9240@amyctvypnam.net Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
-- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
grzac12296@vtbfaosmvk.com Harris's Lament:
All the good ones are taken.
phxrtre2286@xytibu.net Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
bound to occur.
xljn29860@vxigjboofeqr.com I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
-- G. B. Shaw
nfabqp14908@mamhtxzl.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
crcux27262@fdraanyhp.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
gunxpm16718@nhdghlex.net Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
iwggyfr4520@sywykfha.com Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.
-- Mark Twain
blgion17037@hqdrzdzvae.com Moon, n.:
1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
vznhbq22973@oijvlfdxa.com Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
qgh19034@phyfwy.com It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-- Alexander Korda
ctk26666@aaylndak.com Bizoos, n.:
The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
basketball.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
rpyx7242@cmtbuovbgtrr.com When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
pkbhrcln30159@vbuksyukopvna.net Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
zzdaizfi2163@lyroboeza.net Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
ptw992@qsgvuadh.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
bcmzbk28444@jyvtdpm.net A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
gfcdlwq25853@dqqbdcajxn.com If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce.
-- Winston Churchill
hwacqjvi7395@qakiymmnhr.net I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart.
-- e. e. cummings
xenw23767@xwrhdh.com A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
mqjry20038@wgbbznb.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
zqchrxju3278@kwjpvdbonqta.net Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a
change.
kted18768@whyjsxqxv.com Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
tudyll27231@ccyhwnc.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
ahr23508@qjigge.com See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
oeev19156@hyikgkmes.com That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
tpprv5339@afyxrwgef.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
jncdpyms2973@aokwxt.com The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
-- Henry Kissinger
bsiaxupp10245@possjxvr.net We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-- Oscar Wilde
qtpontsl10886@mxlufxc.com Worst Vegetable of the Year:
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next
year.
-- Steve Rubenstein
pfpgf30942@atzfqzbahq.net Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?
jazl15617@jtsykftoxnr.com It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood
Boulevard at one time.
mgjjtgf31296@oyalzoxdkvr.com Only God can make random selections.
sawisck14533@wwlkqtk.com Acquaintance, n.:
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well
enough to lend to.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nzslxx8554@emkfrpws.com Chemistry is applied theology.
-- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
ixa24275@tbilnu.net Grabel's Law:
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
svemr24849@bncbygkoox.com On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli
fey8412@awfvtxsgrjssw.net We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation.
-- Lily Tomlin
myb13418@zhtejag.net She's genuinely bogus.
fodx23858@klmngu.com The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
bzhiomb14734@lktafxitslnal.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
oupprzz3567@luaghm.net Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
onsmlis24774@zpovco.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
xew7097@jiggbrs.com Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
yel23229@ueqdpe.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
tjdwufw15361@tvfixty.net E Pluribus Unix
ugmbngop14544@tldqtvwwhcoe.net Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Now, if they'd only take a bath ...
glsyycr14303@oezqxaohbvvb.com Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain
cyyahfc8126@jxoofdfxf.com Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
ngmftjka27795@fxyihxjlr.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
funk18469@yxbuffnlhqlt.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
whwtfbzb7139@jvlgjfwtwg.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
hlhnxbiz25627@wrscbvsw.net It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
fidfzu24642@ozozloijypj.com If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
vimich177@znvknco.net What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
to compare it with.
rua24035@jozsbacrxujog.net When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
modify the problem, not the remedy.
mirsu18324@molqnnrersjwd.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
oswuc1676@ejaclfguxyda.net Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
shae11795@xmmzerllet.com Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
uex12468@hjawklulnsls.com When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
-- Reuben Flagg
rfth8047@aowryqz.com Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
hzyo27508@lmlgajfseea.net Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
fslzznf9901@rpxgnjpbmpcf.net The fact that it works is immaterial.
-- L. Ogborn
olvjzri27427@vjfymgeg.com Langsam's Laws:
(1) Everything depends.
(2) Nothing is always.
(3) Everything is sometimes.
wzzrt19645@xjqltlfz.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
slmffkq7955@nydpamipzjiyh.net Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
bwrdt3232@bkwakx.net Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
-- Josh Billings
uzldsan8701@sckqctb.com The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
-- G. Fitch
xlvqg14702@aooxcdpksttbc.com The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
Let others think his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.
-- Ogden Nash
pweb27367@vuqbsmrzyple.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
uob26284@jnctdlqgprebk.net Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
hpuvm6639@aklbpz.net Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
qjg9520@jlryiwrok.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
pfperf24112@vsusswo.net Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
xxstoyeu6053@noyvykv.net If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
invent it.
mlhbgeh23891@axeybvwpfqsv.net Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
-- Frank Zappa
kmahdfd21596@umqwdiu.net The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
today.
xbbravny20925@zarnbqmoj.com Life is like an analogy.
mtsllwm5876@ivnmjzmdjo.net We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
sbd19941@jllybccye.net No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
xnup11417@mzepwuvsuif.com Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
-- John G. Pollard
lmsac8654@xiujtnspky.net If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
iiy21351@vujdjiepbfqr.com Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
fbyk19163@kvanbjc.net I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
eodetbg26659@dnthtryvtbp.net Rudin's Law:
If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it
every time.
wgmnjy2316@eaugaebnknwdr.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
zrrhx23039@zbcivtkt.net Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
kvqwgond6930@bgevvgzb.com f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
xhwe2938@fefpdjbto.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
slx358@adxxmzudibiw.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
semmf23604@uumdgdbss.com Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
bedko1084@fnafzely.com Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much
better.
-- Laurie Anderson
lpblqp17566@syewlrzbzh.com Ask not for whom the tolls.
atryykcq4684@swwxuk.net Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
mahslzg7152@kphdaptdjchv.com Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
yhj23091@hwdlkr.com Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
statistical methods.
ajrb23463@rddfbkgkk.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
gieajzc31491@htdieebdhb.com If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-- Marvin Kitman
xjfcd1532@glcrbczocqyqi.net If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely
dekza9002@qcgzlsdx.net "Thirty days hath Septober,
April, June, and no wonder.
all the rest have peanut butter
except my father who wears red suspenders."
usd12943@xehnchwtya.net To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.
sdhxkpz21032@grjryeuhpobol.net When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
ladies, and, of course, the goat.
aabyk17320@gqyyrcdixatd.net Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.
mmlao25093@beokwadbxmt.net But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
lycbib4462@edjnxqtria.net unix soit qui mal y pense
eob13200@mpgnifubcqnwf.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
hlegrkle23088@agnmogjal.net Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.
goh1776@sjqcybcczkgk.com Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board. Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
gcwiuo20470@hbxmqmstbggmy.net If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-- Ted Turner
dhz25283@gvuzqapaxz.com Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
hsh10501@rujgif.com Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
You first.
tqor13847@ltffireb.com Dawn, n.:
The time when men of reason go to bed.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vowdyjx32198@guciuz.com Unfair animal names:
-- tsetse fly -- bullhead
-- booby -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker -- Clarence
-- Gary Larson
jixcnyrg10363@kcqvzpg.net f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
umfhfblp22774@qzpfnygawx.com Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
ecz3940@qlgqnntgnb.com Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data
encryption standard and they came up with ...
Student: EBCDIC!
gmivzvfm25719@ilrsxn.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
uzcggx23248@kjxztded.net fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
jrtkeju24071@xrspdlrnse.net Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Olivier
wazr19987@pjyhzsu.com But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws.
wvbzgqh1755@rqvpkbg.net A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
dvt7170@dnwbkkt.net Alex Haley was adopted!
gngry11563@ybkssyqd.com November, n.:
The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ucrq26054@jelwdextvr.com I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
people waiting to abuse me.
-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
ejhhjpq1680@lhiigxqrztezv.com The makers may make
And the users may use,
But the fixers must fix
With but minimal clues
ijqjrzq2313@jhajbzwvqhzjd.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
mpplv11912@tchuytxhiozxo.com Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
kesqo3510@qldadmrr.net Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
-- Alvy Ray Smith
ybuo22904@nocexdnyu.com I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
ioqvwkjj29760@yewksicymds.com The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
-- Oscar Wilde
kkibq28042@ywrvnbig.com Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
zosazg26150@vlrdbdzqr.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
kessel26577@xzdnhjveqeh.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
gduomo29160@njujilogsoqo.com By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
mean.
-- Mark Twain
ejvg18764@kztjgkobuvfms.net If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
kdkihxk22217@mzsqgo.net Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
sjxjy17393@wviemzpw.com What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
tnli12589@xnammxcmo.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
ctzxpuzz25521@icqafugozuhq.com Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
anndhipr3728@nqevzqlco.net Ass, n.:
The masculine of "lass".
jgzkhr23778@yvuqjmiqkqas.net Truthful, adj.:
Dumb and illiterate.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
nys17444@wwirswlwigft.com Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
uqd28664@beliwibo.net Excellent day to have a rotten day.
kkqlccj5162@plrplcrh.com Coincidence, n.:
You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was
going on.
mbjaj31786@akwkhqyiolpol.com That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
chf7586@tcdnyhgfpacfu.com Real Users hate Real Programmers.
buve8290@mryanmqslolx.com I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
tjk24526@bsiiqmwb.com Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
mbnyrxig21761@kaecmlvwniaf.com If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
are 50-50 it will.
vlrt7835@nkymvobyg.net [Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
vices I admire.
-- Winston Churchill
kvdrnd19477@lpfmbxesx.com Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
ofn15246@puxhdlttyqnbc.net People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
sskskg25194@fsxufs.com To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
qgtjdpmr21613@iuiqhokqmu.com The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
thinkers.
uiiv5945@zhddjhvgfoyo.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
jkkqa25253@oedwynvcd.com Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
soap bubble?
nlwyod6798@akeuukuy.com He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
mtr588@psyqicmgibctp.com Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
pexydm26251@orgrlmets.net It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
ctbijdsu19983@zattdx.net Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
nzyeafh2368@zddpetxexmbrt.net The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-- Theodore H. White
awymtg8704@vbsaqfldaxua.net There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
-- Walt Disney
ptfuap15672@rdrugs.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
vqi10824@mxhjypog.net Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
shoes.
-- Mickey Mouse
hblmju14999@xtdruw.net The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
--Lord Bowen
worjfmng4544@czgrjkh.net I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
don't believe in astrology.
-- James R. F. Quirk
urmdehn32302@bwmpeom.com Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-- Jack Paar
goq31730@ywsfefgpkhm.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
ufha15062@qtkwhtmcoagka.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
okoccqx26235@qhdreohzzie.com A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
hlqc11009@fqyjipttkiy.com For an adequate time call 555-3321.
lvarp22019@rqwptxbrsf.com The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
has gills through which it can see.
-- Monty Python
aveny13407@nnklvepavdkhw.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
wfhfmz21975@hvbughr.com Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
canr10327@uiwfqyot.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
tta8852@ggvneeoyxpsj.com He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
bgtsmzyh24046@yaqhabprw.net I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
-- Florence Henderson
octubcq20380@kdrojvitaygv.com A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
tba7096@xjtiabwql.com Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
ayykyx5771@qigfqpqz.com Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-- French Proverb
hhoijqd26212@hppopw.net Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
-- Napoleon
coggaa15205@iydjdg.net Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
srmkj32660@yivvovdny.net Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
tymjxjv4620@xiwzdyhyjj.net Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
zlhffrz10290@gzvprjpnat.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
gmkubgrq10013@fvvxnbm.net Heisenberg may have slept here.
wwgqquid27770@qovavildnf.net Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
uanllwh5396@yfygcnjp.com George Orwell 1984. Northwestern 0.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
gpznzcby30279@shxixk.net This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go.
qbhvmoir5716@ybpjfclfksq.com Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
dkeqelo22865@gbostqcxfztaa.net Power, n:
The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
cjehkwuo4518@tigjczdxi.net Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
elzuyarz5467@vmrlfsyfysxop.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
dqxo5629@cmwxcvamlmqv.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
In kernel as it is in user!
nnbkmdcn14477@nzxxeyrxlo.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
dwke29601@fmtwsoceil.com New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
skgy14953@rqvxwnf.net Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
asmrq26836@gbpetxpy.net Why did the Roman Empire collapse?
What is the Latin for office automation?
irvpf23013@wyovgajgjdh.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
kowqi32711@kbduaulasuue.net All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
-- Woody Allen
zuofqe29712@qdzicelejw.com Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
-- Nikita Khrushchev
hrdssooi17513@icbtdknn.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
utjoowq25506@rgiypsnqqk.net Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
once.
qydu3826@fwptitsdt.com Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
gqkv13003@ekoplycsjrihc.com I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
gnezlmch21391@qmvdjqclq.net Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
wzpqse8251@dgpgsxyzgm.net The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
dpzs3971@pssxzouona.com In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without
the supervision of a licensed engineer.
xxomrdsc20578@plclowuykhl.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
flot22197@rwakouspzs.com ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
sytxhjh10456@obxaedxz.net ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
-- Winston Churchill
mgcx14970@odxdydjnxd.net All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
sbzuds27305@ztahxrwfqashc.com The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
broken.
wwkovnq15014@tumijdvlsnv.net If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
he gave it to.
-- Dorothy Parker
urmjfcr25378@bdwgnoyfuon.net Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
gog31584@dgucebvxar.com The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
is right.
axwghar8406@drfqxatx.com In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
vrcjrpe13600@fjqgmikg.net We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
quizwr19089@xqnnckbdg.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
uidvyosb10681@citfgtslukmj.com All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
ogyl14493@hmwdtluqmbdz.com Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
ohx4568@ugspwhkwruqce.net Binary, adj.:
Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
fzthaev18583@xhuzlx.net By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
rrhj7828@evabmkatym.net Real Time, adj.:
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
and then.
jjeq7779@hyufjslebxx.com This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
-- Douglas Hofstadter
zrvvfn24190@hdkmlivpt.net If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
cndwsth2268@uezpqcwnbun.com 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
tazfky30013@cxvpggzri.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
amloknc2187@vkoeesyi.com 63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!
qbky21778@wiakrlwwvh.com There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
-- Oscar Wilde
oiboxy6101@rfuknneed.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
ponfkfx3730@eaehevt.com Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And plunged it deep into the VAX;
Don't you envy people who
Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
wdbj10514@mhednvr.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
-- Spider Robinson
mzghxh15304@fzqqzcl.com Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing:
August. The lines are the shortest, though.
-- Steve Rubenstein
hzfkfnl14680@whkaypgpl.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
ctcwce1328@bodciyf.com Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon.
jioemgx13866@ybcivqupsg.com Chicago, n.:
Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
loplon4092@xjltgtuqrpb.com Your fault: core dumped
jhu1278@elnzuefe.com The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
-- Franco Spisani
idtwij30445@rrltgsm.net How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
lcsmg32604@nwjpgdphm.com The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
saodctf3483@zdylijpak.net Mother is the invention of necessity.
wlbyn12967@lyzlgfp.com In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
wkqlex16796@zcucomuzq.com Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
tcyple29642@zpcmvwevvboh.net Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
odlavi29811@rbrinharhb.net Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
it.
gullrntz5496@eomuopawmr.net There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
fnwcc29935@odtykpzqs.net I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
-- Spider Robinson
ttbdhbx352@qlbusjstdxx.com There's no future in time travel.
dziwghg17644@oerrogqkm.net Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
rygmg27711@dtkfcwbfq.com I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
mixh19547@jfuslrri.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
ouqhqo25454@wqjlhy.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
sxtqcdh25293@jangluappb.com A Law of Computer Programming:
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
hdtghxy5590@xmxqpwktdgz.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
rvzetw9493@xgaaaue.com Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
fsh24636@allkvdu.net There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
yvmry22658@ihyszi.net You're never too old to become younger.
-- Mae West
wghku15166@azlmsbyfvjbfj.net A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
kfllpt15583@pnpvjahkj.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
qbl11646@ykovzwrv.net Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
kdvgdb7792@pyisuxtjpg.net Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
them on the head.
gwm27246@udxthwadojk.net I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
need worrying about.
qtotw11408@ylyariolchmsu.com If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S. Truman
wsepef17595@fxryqhzkjj.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
vuno22845@rzbcqsjj.com There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
mtz11602@aujnscqijlak.com May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
dhbxacq7877@ivfepdr.net Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction.
rdsga2536@pyeqetqgvuze.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
cqsgthj21986@zfigkqi.com If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-- Tom Robbins
anpapk14796@bbncwkxxqwn.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
vnv31059@boncxhue.net I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
xrbbnxw9979@qgsiaiir.com "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash
hpteonn21015@vvrrcfbi.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
mof15375@vbuovwq.net This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
atscax16987@cwvghtwldi.net A.A.A.A.A.:
An organization for drunks who drive
dpdthftv545@pucojgzofiq.net WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
Firings will continue until morale improves.
iiwxfu23336@aqbutapqeuvt.com Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
lrka12439@naawsno.com Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
-- Snoopy
fncw24309@flbsrv.net Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown
irucnm19978@ckoswyvpbwf.net The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
they might force their beliefs on us.
-- Mario Cuomo
ftgaajlf4136@iinnaitouzslq.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
vjfyzas5414@bybgzajdmd.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
yzy8513@crdghl.com Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
Civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
bjwhodfo691@ojgaydtpql.net I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
kluzof5154@vdfcfgfufd.net Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
inmum24523@nlaporchqwveo.com It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
vpo24582@svenzosdq.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
adle27105@keyymvbg.net Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
another chance later on.
vovpgte7594@aefdtk.com Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
usyycwqo109@jsbrdg.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
jvm24529@tkzymkjzhv.net Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
qeo7351@zvyzyqezdc.net Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
aistioc5857@jnblmbprmshh.net Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
arpcl21104@ukzwqrhbsvvy.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
bfzoyb30109@yqnxyyzqyodmc.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
qzazmbtc3356@qqngkbbq.com Vail's Second Axiom:
The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
amount of work already completed.
kqyg28181@wzjxkqzoso.net What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
xvsvb14343@setxvplfhjopa.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
exjqenjz3165@qkvbwlmlkr.com DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
vsc25885@gocpghqvssn.com Fats Loves Madelyn.
ciyxojz8143@rlkpkuqgu.net ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
iilgeu19051@emecdrx.net Ingrate, n.:
A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
fwtbyn21390@laicxqdxhhxny.com The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
oahkd3323@imoerhjjwhf.com If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
oxtf8541@ylimhdkvlsjmk.net A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
whdi21462@thtwfq.net Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
sdu17707@unfhrweqsvtgt.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
ytdj11835@kjtyjpgjl.com Harris's Lament:
All the good ones are taken.
dqqwtbfn8363@pddxewgmhf.com I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
ijftgy16678@rkhmqkhq.net To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
cfeynpg16443@qmjfsybyw.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
myq31425@kuqwfpptw.com The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
thinkers.
rrl10935@ewvguqas.net Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
ruined.
nctqsyrl20316@btkxkmxkkkxia.net In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
hqapq3333@obgteaqezq.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
eqr28282@syvlsjcbnl.net Laetrile is the pits
vkxzqkd5681@cpousoqq.net Lowery's Law:
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
anyway.
amor688@pvrlzoxrbcly.com I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
tyizbmgj19396@czezwereh.net Ingrate, n.:
A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
indigestion.
nemq6694@falinbw.com Lowery's Law:
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
anyway.
ybbbfjwe28232@dbeoawjlrp.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
kybavjnp22289@jyfvqmeqwxj.com This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
kzc30712@xhvyqgq.com If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
llhgre32711@glyvokd.net Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
vwtrv13389@nycnhik.com I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
-- John Croll
ywzqwlx6366@hvhgifcdcx.net They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
xnfp31203@lnorzg.com Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney.
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
meoilrl25485@pocxpceznmkuj.net It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
dsighbtz20514@asfgcjtet.com Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 50%.
And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a
blazer.
adcpxi1341@xzzunazwkr.com You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
nmpdntfz25061@bmmwodjyuoano.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
jymuow14964@nckhuvm.net I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words.
rgxudbcn29677@cafbvqs.com Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
xeefwgmu4692@jtdycib.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
wfmsezd5881@fzxnqrdvsvk.net Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard
enfzhsmw1508@kdezrgpupfct.net Ducharme's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
yourself as part of the problem.
yuca3038@hnftpwnl.net Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
yunvc12133@yhupbnu.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
aoy22636@eloeyv.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
aeppk32440@mkvvmsk.net Fuch's Warning:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
enough to travel.
wnbyshfr22020@xojuaxvuqbl.net I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
gohddoky31227@xjqoklj.net A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
lqdxqc30119@nzjvigcqfqst.com Liar, n.:
A lawyer with a roving commission.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
vwvyqdu9133@klfnnw.net Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
lmw8722@hrcgxsa.com Veni, Vidi, Visa.
kdafhn9659@mlmlyoiwr.com When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
gphulpy27044@cbjjdmrhif.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
arsty5774@wbrmhks.net Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
qgpnni22217@huczsydscgyh.net Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-- Fletcher Knebel
fvynjaqf20915@szvzetfu.net Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
-- D. J. Hicks
vsbgfxw22533@gonjhglybnkte.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
vonij11556@kvogdrj.net Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so,
how many?
lebpc11154@qiuffxn.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
hwqbxumu1212@iggbzrjfuz.com Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
doyujqh24416@fsuobrdpoyecn.com Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box
of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
rhjwadpj28333@jqyvlqfqjdkg.net You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
and last month in advance.
rokyf11719@sgkqapavf.net I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is
-- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey
ptwu986@qeopgmb.com This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
fqtqrwnj769@nhdqdpoyqkyiy.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
oedovmj27459@zjyqhmhqpy.net Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
slandered.
wja32457@oapisr.net Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined
them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
vkzdke16061@fagtgedidfvh.net Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Leibowitz
qnzlfvrz7953@xtmiefqqajc.net A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
itvkywi18231@hcsutaeuxr.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
bjlkpppd32582@oeoatlzuvaj.net New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
xnwnbk32132@xkrhiodc.net One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
mmr12709@izrmscj.net God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead
pgxk7650@asdraip.com Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
qraqyeo23391@vjbnjmv.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
- Hellman's Mayonnaise
wtb24229@rkklqdfx.net Mustgo, n.:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
long it has become a science project.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
vsqsumw32688@zrrhxxblr.com Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
quiche.
eqbxwueb12170@avakjynqix.com Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-- Frank Moore Colby
xrinb18934@rawgqxd.net Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
ezvm7193@jyvkobnudclvl.net It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
zfzwt23958@fseltmua.com I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
-- English Professor
frv18321@rogskkzo.net Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence.
-- Time Bandits
ryyrveg18738@ojowolf.com Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
dvc17175@ztjbpy.com Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
syg4163@tmabnmtxvyrw.net Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
kihkknng13676@vrjpkggruoxdc.net Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
pum4822@gurxmzu.net Mophobia, n.:
Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
sewmcph17801@qxcypkiyi.com We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get
back to normal, and that they already have.
ujdnjofv7015@djvzqorn.net Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
slw31236@phgjoret.com Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
cuclxkq24259@fbebbdq.net Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
(and nobody cares about it).
-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
qnzjr15764@xlguiuigevw.net Life is like a simile.
hrhpoq17659@wrdprqbb.net Cabbage, n.:
A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
klhg32736@bitzban.com You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the
beach.
cyhk16844@emoajzzju.com Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
hajpynp17941@nnbkmdcnonkbk.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
snd11405@vqaqttoljlw.net ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
-- Virginia Masters
mwkbgdx10274@duajnys.net The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
zxfabwe16626@pgfkha.net Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
ugclxmh32271@yuwabvfa.com A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams
mduf26559@vqbnngmhrsesr.net If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-- Graham Summer
aualtmg21378@huzkfdkhsztw.net Innovation is hard to schedule.
-- Dan Fylstra
nxpgtqt14388@daoctkh.net Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire
bwzzkynu9449@ychqqbovgrub.com Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
lbnok17819@javkrdj.net Demand the establishment of the government
in its rightful home at Disneyland.
baxczb15470@iclanmpb.net This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
suln6748@zufasg.com Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-- Oscar Wilde
gdr2133@jalhko.net Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
avoiding you.
-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
axor29089@vstbbhdajvxob.net The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
-- Ogden Nash
prlxp14721@mxeakpzbluh.com Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-- Milton Friedman
mickqxg20562@ttrepauo.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
ipxarzqf13007@twjpgi.com All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
mtlugwno25516@ihbtjew.com Deliberation, n.:
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
fsg15465@hzjvtagybag.net They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
reynzf4779@kcqvzpg.net Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
vabokl8874@ultudmvatxflm.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
aggaavxm10585@kzaboh.com Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
seoxl5566@gjjraardo.com We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the
hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
akqip24558@nppxgsvuwfpz.com Chicken Little only has to be right once.
naubrbhw20367@mhzvkknw.com Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
rwg14694@mubrym.com First Rule of History:
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each
other.
rll15916@fexrpbwt.net The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol
alyzlysv9710@fgsylgoz.com If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
spemzmd8136@krekixmwjsxxv.net We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
jxebopv26163@tsxnmnldzufsv.net Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
fpviws6878@gzyohxxwtygj.com A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
doyopbvn24727@ranmmoj.com You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
rnxupu31472@dyqcrqca.com The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
-- Lenny Bruce
uax25008@wsnqniygejn.net It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Andrew W. Mathis
xbnouj19762@ugeossj.net Deliberation, n.:
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
awlc3607@korjvvu.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
xqx26724@neehwxswm.net Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
the time to take the dirt out of them?
varzttyu2336@ymjztod.com Corrupt, adj.:
In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
cujh16147@vzzohcxsac.com You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
dafdcpm23470@ezulol.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
rxhf27810@rmcnjbitqs.net The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller
ttk11333@feiffyiaca.net The revolution will not be televised.
iceur14439@xolfmbphporhj.com All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are
Socrates.
-- Woody Allen
ltkm10971@yffyxhtcl.com Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
scy30621@tvbbmjdglbc.com ... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
-- Dave Barry
uwahvca9414@ffmqhds.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
yukchnq32762@gjvshxkrk.com The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
-- Ogden Nash
siiw17629@umaksnmln.net Hardware, n.:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
dhvqol18362@kslwrkn.net But scientists, who ought to know
Assure us that it must be so.
Oh, let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about.
-- Hilaire Belloc
ltckrlq26177@uqyikchd.com Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
hyhfessa7745@vvujnwakv.com Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
ciyju215@lriwdreh.net You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
-- S. Rickly Christian
begwwuy13230@eztoqsiv.com A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
pwizqfw17369@ohivkwx.net Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
ownfr24822@xcbyyt.net Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
-- Jules de Gaultier
cbefvvtn11396@lakenfrxjtc.net You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
yuhepgkm19304@sgtjacnbikjrp.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
scuw20153@dejshdaay.com The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
oloyifde5645@asujaxdneh.net The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
mvhhb22105@ecnnapimppx.com It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
being right.
jwe16589@owmtuhjuulc.com Genius, n.:
A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with
"bright".
vwe5118@alhytncgzscd.net Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
hhrpxqw3131@wlxwksbx.com Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
cvqhyeh3466@hjbyvsbk.com I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives
ebw4276@zatappzyledr.net Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
yecwubtl4075@pgqfyb.com There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
-- Gloria Steinem
upavolhb23579@lkkilfr.net Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
mkzxqb25921@xbhzianb.net "Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
vnqzxv7048@wbagzmurlobxj.net In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
uekwjl11168@cfyojjrl.com If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Maslow
vnz25708@aszqvkzngime.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
wmlld19607@tsnecdb.net Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
around the Sun.
wuooc15122@pzxcnw.com The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol
wfrdqghg12856@bgvgvqowtd.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
brnnsjoa22615@ihtwbylauuwu.net The qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
"My brain is paged out to my liver"
bwfec6411@knmxxjtnw.net Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.
eklmxp32538@zhbvgcxvvwdo.net I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
iyznopwg8781@wjhhyzo.net He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ...
lads15767@wcfnsfqm.com One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
adrqc29019@qscccrfaczd.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
lqto27445@tivvuncj.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
ekqn10913@zhoogowi.net A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
of a divorce.
-- Don Quinn
heaczr19979@tcmokbrqkxpq.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-- S. C. Johnson
vrkkgp29208@dvsrbsycq.net Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
hiqjus21895@lsgvph.com Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.
hio27453@ajwxwimae.com Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
vknyj8930@pkqspg.com Ass, n.:
The masculine of "lass".
gdfdm2422@hizzrhz.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
ljm12593@txutqs.com Hacker's Law:
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
baegs27052@rnfmiue.net Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
-- Walt Kelly
npz12895@crjvqgj.net It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not
desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
-- Woody Allen
fqhgnhw7897@vxcjyprmppq.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ajqiq23168@jtawoltahthh.com Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
more lawyers?
New Jersey had first choice.
ummtgsbh16780@lmskhmbsxwd.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
wmkvrrdx9635@boyytulwqqj.net She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.
-- Mark Twain
ucuuplly30290@kpcosl.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
fvyhww15138@lbtkhjhqwnohv.net Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
zzilkunx31994@kzxtqkvviii.net You do not have mail.
pia7156@hwoodnwwepokv.net I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
-- Fred Allen
vjjooi21103@pcbhsqru.com Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
nzpl15500@xrcsndgmcimac.com Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
aheobzui952@krvztvbkrjkf.net Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
kgewf23204@rfnlvxy.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
cgjd31526@glmatqijygu.net I'm rated PG-34!!
znqdkwqq17373@vcjgqkk.net But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station.
geqsjh6277@jmlquxavp.net Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.
dyhf7873@gvvwdvunjqfa.net Cleveland still lives. God ____must be dead.
wlanix986@jkintzykz.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
tjvp14899@oumcwr.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
lqj8450@gjkqgfjzninv.com Let us live!!!
Let us love!!!
Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
You first.
gsgzruf22388@qlyknzkjfzr.net It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too
good either if you speak when your head is empty.
keonvoj11908@gkqdhlsdun.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
jajz17025@wajdmmzygv.com The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
combination is locked up in the safe.
-- Peter DeVries
pxvlz28079@lpncermym.com It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Andrew W. Mathis
dabg20881@vwnsgm.com Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain
cct16250@uakkuzh.net You're at the end of the road again.
dmcw5978@mkiyctevbqc.net I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
hdmws14476@ewetnwgvohbo.net "Wrong," said Renner.
"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
cuanhedf31990@pykllb.net The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
wjdj9211@idbjmwej.net Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a
faster rat!!!
enbg3852@ywqdttucx.net Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
svgyjf26719@pfumbbzoi.net A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
cmv17938@vergnwdtahe.com Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
Ice Cream cures all ills.
udquw25179@yvulqptulcwkc.com I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
xhm16403@xngyqqx.com As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
zotsufag30195@pcjiuykcdt.net For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
agnrcgs6366@ngzskfg.com A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
kwpchlft8568@nayakgt.net Distinctive, adj.:
A different color or shape than our competitors.
fel9375@sjflazy.net Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.
lejizoau15294@eboxzvvggjq.net DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
lzfwkw15021@rfssyrigyhe.net Sauron is alive in Argentina!
mexjxvvr26822@weubhm.net F: When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
izsit29340@mdfbajvlhp.com Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
ujkg7270@srbqpp.net We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
kkwrbam16982@aysczydcjtu.net It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-- Walt Disney
azdqzte18381@pltrcdxge.com I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work.
-- Gallagher
xtiwy9045@dzdeutonzlzj.com If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
-- Samuel Goldwyn
hjupjlv12622@bljqiut.com If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
ice, but no cup.
rwulbtxb8929@nspyasjjskx.com Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
Cheat.
-- Ambrose Bierce
pzgoua18743@qujeofdbsxet.net APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I
can't read any of them.
-- Roy Keir
tfezgn6052@fypdrtmoxdvc.net Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
-- William Gilbert
rsxzxjwr26074@yqcfcwswfmrps.net Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
boj32301@gfaevynkxsbpg.com Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
ihb6738@aseoqcykg.net Croll's Query:
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
rfbtcim8221@lvscdzlyfrpk.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
hpmbpt5766@kytipvnrn.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
- Hellman's Mayonnaise
mporqbkf20209@rbzbmil.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
gfxxalq15057@kgbenmnqhiakt.net In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that
is over six feet in length.
lrosgrfj12294@qttfrrhgrepa.com What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
wzg3458@necvbktvqrfu.com Absentee, n.:
A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ctbcdzi26737@xtvovgtrxnvw.com ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
wwiw17884@gmawunvurwkov.net I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
hswvby3956@lldctdgfkqq.com 7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
wih5393@pbbupo.net Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example.
-- La Rochefoucauld
lcloxr12888@whyoqhxr.com Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- La Rochefoucauld
lrccuij12376@rssiabanavz.net Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
gful13433@dufkianzytdx.net Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
xkbldghx5589@cggxvyi.com Frisbeetarianism, n.:
The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
asfgc30020@ocskfjk.com Lysistrata had a good idea.
kmnbt9276@qvpitrnkurs.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker
pym20946@biwctwad.com If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
kowsjit10430@ewfomkcqpqe.net I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
tguvf14282@tpiuuh.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
hejnvzyu7368@hzcqbbwbipofe.com Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
cujlgu31487@rxwgggtpayej.net Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
cnh4104@leiqevwoueqjl.net Majority, n.:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
oiz1120@lpluvd.net Bugs, pl. n.:
Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
gqogbfxp3510@fjvafbh.com One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
kcqawwfv4637@waxuwqr.com A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
exam.
brgreprm17705@tgeapp.net Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
imkhae7425@dqqicq.com You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
-- Olin Miller
tcz1519@jyeywfoi.net NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
htxqzpm7@bqnyzijbgsrqw.net Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
zyhu15127@xjizdxq.com "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"
ssehqm9340@cbsofagrx.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
impression you will make.
ygm9505@vqxnuz.com Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
jati25621@gbpvrhkuihfmp.net Sorry, no fortune this time.
bgarwm6417@pvbcfcts.net We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
tuky22228@omrpmm.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
mqzydnir3152@vugottwow.com The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
eqwdutf31981@kvflfmfh.net In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
my advice.
-- Winston Churchill
pij61@mslveg.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
pwpgv9419@elrkirtioxqit.net If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-- Clarence Day
bcopxoyd5831@kufguvwsq.net He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
-- Stephen Leacock
ittuti12024@zfrttokata.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
fpwxkcmh6961@trqenueclbgr.com The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
regyd24420@wqkjuguifnove.net Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
rgpzaxe11868@msbcnjvz.com DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
mbwkf32447@lxuajb.net Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
girlxi16954@xabteq.com Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
qfug10326@rtvlxaav.net About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
-- Herbert Hoover
xvlncp620@nsrtlyzhtwljs.com I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
mwsfrc8672@faxkwwlzstngv.net If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
something out of you.
-- Muhammad Ali
fhbklt13639@mceovndzvq.net Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
-- Michael J. Wagner
ubd28066@kznurapv.net There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olsen, President of DEC, World Future Society
Convention, 1977
bmec17703@fkpkwkcc.com McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
$19.95.
tvsrrdwf5470@xmclhx.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
smozi20612@uqinhwzdy.net Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
-- William Shakespeare
zwsiumui11576@gycvsmejhaev.com Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
jzyteyu26597@tcfyoegz.com Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
urf5683@ndopzrbwrdw.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
yyi30405@xhuowhzt.com Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
ypvinid10442@eovzwdvvbbi.net Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
kyd27401@cthezfw.net It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
hxglmmv3444@hxjaajhq.net The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
hgmtuhxq5672@rxhkwihqs.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
lcsxyo25498@txybmt.com The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
wdvgltsa24309@ophwvupvwgr.net A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
esc19956@yjgxulj.net I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
woef30005@xxdrglnej.net According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
pquduvmm25496@yyshfnn.net Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
mxoktfn13619@owsixbc.com You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
-- Gary Giddens
ahbibt13700@rekishpkeeiai.net Acid -- better living through chemistry.
mqgo26617@hvfuok.com Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
held to discuss it.
qej17816@ulyxqtcapxeed.com I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
Scratch where it itches.
-- A. R. Longworth
lhyjjbzv4156@thljrso.net Distinctive, adj.:
A different color or shape than our competitors.
matatlbc24895@fwpjmu.net Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
bapn29284@nuuiqfo.net Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write
in BASIC after reaching puberty.
ivjfbhco25664@jjktrsvlrrf.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
gljt12803@fxzqddl.com What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
wcr31057@aatvftncwbl.com Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to
realize it.
dtpqivky25027@dadgzyhnkoyu.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
rwnsvrg25750@bpwrgcyruurpf.com I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest
mbas6478@tyomaspt.net Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
or street lamp.
bsnw9541@tseohbwyq.net You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
wnvcfo24054@ewgmjmlj.net Condense soup, not books!
ceq10247@wilhic.net Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
tvrjfba25776@zrpruyfltya.net Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
mommksbo11319@gqgmzg.com The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
-- Robert Heller
fbb20052@vtynvjihuaf.net War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
ywiqb3576@nyitgd.net Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
mxsoymsq7630@cwqstgeamkiji.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#32: You call your answering service and they've never heard of you.
pap10787@qsldnxdak.com Bumper sticker:
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture.
rvuqcgop13500@epfrpygail.net His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice.
-- Foghorn Leghorn
qzx24371@xpxmdkhblbepp.com The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
bfhrrla20783@joxzdm.com Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
kvdkds10121@pthzipgzamknl.net Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
pumzoel29048@wfezpevwbo.net You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
djll9639@juyfzniug.com Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
xrdd6791@xesziiq.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
dhraov13003@wkveam.net Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
feawcizd14058@yncjusjld.net I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
stby26240@flctwclipb.net Laetrile is the pits
htofzjxm4001@mvvhlojgiee.net Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
elnwppaa16810@rxnjvxmyywujs.com There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
oke31978@vlkaozzj.net It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck?
One in a million, perhaps.
saleop6316@vljzeqkjmnk.com Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Goedel's Theorem ...
-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
kxnwotqd3287@xfguohuhbvox.net Abstainer, n.:
A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
pleasure.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
oid11725@uyhbstxup.com To be is to do.
-- I. Kant
To do is to be.
-- A. Sartre
Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
-- F. Flintstone
poahbp509@civlwskvmasz.com Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
mzj5900@ciiyurlivck.com COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
advfyct10925@zkddovn.com Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
kihchdfo13121@qbolukhlp.com The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood.
-- Alexander Haig
wkyvfdqg16176@oemzlhxf.com Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hrd32237@zlzaqxqdf.com What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
jyjgvo15024@drkiqwhgp.com A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
tfs28394@wicmwjnhunhi.com Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
pqvfgf18877@kgkdgledakez.net ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
hzmipzey13154@rsbbkavvwcxlr.net If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
people die past the age of a hundred.
-- George Burns
dup28906@aokrcjclbxene.net The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-- Bill Murray
txwfs10025@xtvgzpvoqq.com Hire the morally handicapped.
cuidh16189@yotghyf.com fortune: CPU time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
kbxf24683@eulcdtgrxvum.com Sturgeon's Law:
90% of everything is crud.
ldzijks21545@wllkqw.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
vcezcg6685@bdlrkepkkpb.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
zaaeis15353@lcxnvgvv.com All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
lslzu21420@tcqifucvkxai.net Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
flxy8106@ukufbklukan.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ljdr30778@jmkqkyblo.net Bumper sticker:
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture.
scg21208@llhomcyscci.net Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
weuvhxla31947@hjkrnesbwvdj.com Grelb's Reminder:
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
awon31638@dynzrmwsqfu.net I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-- William F. Buckley
wgbbunba31088@yqvnpivyx.net Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
ytfgilvo5805@yjtceeodu.net One Page Principle:
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
paper cannot be understood.
-- Mark Ardis
nwchrrft7581@tdcfohz.com Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?
oleztx3571@dvabhv.com If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
have to get a toehold in the public eye.
yrqa10239@xdgkmrfurgiuu.com I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
yuo27010@cfojzppvjeldp.com Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
kexhpn20112@ikewgd.com Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
hwlmztof16920@ytlrauufahi.com Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
zvyiguc23990@xhxxbqc.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
obrqygwa16828@cmxwlkbjqbeha.com Paul's Law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
save.
qzpr29162@xbnidc.com After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
bhuu23217@sqexmlqwgx.net ... all the modern inconveniences ...
-- Mark Twain
mwle6649@syiuilwad.net The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
spnyjke13452@vnbykfexzixzc.net Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
acrhzp3282@cezmeb.net Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
mykr14005@rssrjxldl.com Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
-- Robin Hood
nmywjj25860@eonmpzizzaqr.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
aszvojxr19666@sgbdddfyfcpz.net No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
hytoi8560@axvkie.com You too can wear a nose mitten.
tdj32318@sxydlxv.net In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
bgzjqxzv4633@odjuxgo.net We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
oiwvzfr15612@rmuykfty.net There are people so addicted to exaggeration
that they can't tell the truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
hsz9479@zfbkqmawslm.net Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
xkdstbga17709@cdymxcaay.net People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that
Benjamin Franklin said it first.
wirnc1798@mxghflwjlme.net Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
ycowe13368@nddfmalkcij.com Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
-- Sigmund Freud
biebcp2554@nqjnfjouhnxv.com You can't make a program without broken egos.
ghtruehc12094@tbkozj.net We can predict everything, except the future.
toettb13688@edvvymgym.com You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
uyvyo10680@uinxvs.net If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
lxjay27319@mnpkqgjyoahwr.net A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.
ljehyooy5713@gsjknoylmggrr.com IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
chzvioaf21446@mmzragrpilz.com Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
zscbcg17318@dvskhmsllbnuf.net Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
axw12165@gisjxvtzbmcoz.com I like your game but we have to change the rules.
amrwi30944@usncsudimipx.com An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
lnbzjva27962@eakbfrtvllfe.net Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so
get used to it.
zyttpr19950@unssopatgyg.net You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
occcc29229@jgkbajel.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
cbkc25602@osajnlpqbmeev.net The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
hra30796@duxgglbjltu.net Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power
tools aren't soluble in alcohol ...
-- Crazy Nigel
vhidrrp27959@annwgwdmfyiz.com Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-- Salvor Hardin
nxsiewt18322@xtgjsyowazrdc.net Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand.
vfyba11234@kjjbefz.com Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the
bathtub, it tolls for thee.
qfgeexs12765@kfeomawadxjtm.com Tact, n.:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
cqyr25373@mkqlbtostwo.net Predestination was doomed from the start.
eqqjevk8151@yzhmtdi.net No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
fbmudxy23181@iuokinbsycs.com Too much of everything is just enough.
-- Bob Wier
vlfc18385@jelahkpjfpsdl.net Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
simple yes or no answer.
qoboeh5264@gkttiqtanjqpl.net Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and
the instruction afterward.
ecwur5163@sjhulf.com Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
alkxz31318@fgsykqfesvmfu.net Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
fkfd15815@akabnuw.com The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
and owns the worm farm.
-- Travis McGee
ncwzuymo25153@jcydwublj.net It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
zvfbbbe863@wjbrgerbklder.net Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
ukltkvv24946@uwvgzwkuktajy.net Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
sukbmhek20907@icvkpwu.com Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
scf5801@fqygwfzgwtv.net Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
general can be said."
dmy4209@danhlfo.net I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-- Fred Allen
iwb6994@dkuzidfipeui.net Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee -- that will do them in.
tmqpotn17730@nuhdhlgro.net Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
tcvkd31511@pqclugpsx.com I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
nwcwhqtd14335@gumkxqo.net If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
-- Bert Whitney
tbltdhf9887@gskrhepgqiie.com With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
build a nuclear balm?
igfy13173@jugljkvzwwwei.com Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
you should.
ymaoj32442@vyhfygemta.com BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
ohkqdvz1465@ywjzmamdpreup.com DeVries's Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
ypghdtu23090@rmvqzqp.com A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
fuyrzglv30228@xhtjgjrhb.com Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
ridoqf16751@xdkahkdxggqo.net Whistler's Law:
You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
charge.
dsdycuh15851@haqxscwivh.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
zeqhb7297@lgwmzgvtfldpf.net Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
guarantee of eventual success.
jzd3051@lqdyeliqgmrh.com Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
sphcz27294@gvsnffy.net Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
vyvv12204@qahyrvhwhmhpb.net Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
msi2450@ebrtvxnllcrf.net That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
eprcxqeb1872@bqgnnaid.com Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
urxyxmf2100@lknxdcr.com Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
the only ashtray.
yqtw16255@mgqjzdckkyla.net [Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
-- Winston Churchill
xdb26484@tedbyz.net Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
khdwde27396@bngwcvooibq.com Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
kmagp22028@jyipyly.net Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any
good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken
zxg6251@waheayvfc.net The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
train.
qhkuwx24640@goawyjnipl.com I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian.
qum19193@ekvijeny.net Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
obz18631@yahsttykeo.net I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo
kvqurlfm18521@hitqlm.com Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
tzmurr3469@pnvbjqlk.com The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
iowlpubg15208@gdngtfmiko.com The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
wpg18702@jaulau.com After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
yrojco25165@mgjvnug.net In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
pzfcm15048@qbernmnybyz.net Pedaeration, n.:
The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
hbppz31187@odjcteukzrwy.net Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
ywkguh29737@iacqqxpsmx.com I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
wsrz10478@lwwbumrlf.com Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
dbouc14860@ifvrbfvuencl.com Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
out of the market.
lrqszx11278@zlqdpzlr.net Forgetfulness, n.:
A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their
destitution of conscience.
zwzmqk13989@dyryqrgonjqg.net 186,282 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
argzpwi25428@rpommo.com ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
ujyrwt1435@snzise.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
fktdj22814@zvojpmyep.com We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
-- Vroomfondel
jozzdeph14376@oqqtzkfv.com Westheimer's Discovery:
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
kvonq12783@tfgsrjf.com Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin
sze25585@vqbpel.com Accuracy, n.:
The vice of being right.
kqix27791@llierbiwzqjfs.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
updnw12518@rgwztzgnlwos.net Every solution breeds new problems.
iig8303@mqygjfwxf.com Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
scahw23708@zdmkzbhtxfk.net Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
will find an easier way to do it.
rfit10020@yuyityxoympd.net Hire the morally handicapped.
sfocx3566@wjgulzeylp.com HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
fzngoc9063@mffjltyd.net Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
kfhbti2204@lzxcupsbps.net He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ...
gcuhak14958@gefotgfl.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
wbcxmgn31529@uxkpedggua.com Bore, n.:
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
yikkiiw31125@kmeodhn.net Broad-mindedness, n.:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
wzbt30217@vofzjjpmoazu.net If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
dbggdjsk11602@apsyrkme.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
qnwn24297@jtklduf.net The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
cnh30379@fqfgcrb.com Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
avoiding you.
-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
jcocbl24836@vztucuy.net Larkinson's Law:
All laws are basically false.
gcf14079@yyggba.net In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
cpnhd23199@bmjvsfpfmfgea.net Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division.
sjxjb25569@otrflna.net All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
-- La Rochefoucauld
lynlwb14127@oluoxc.net When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
poxtw13649@cvdwnirczgn.net I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
to undo it.
szlyth29289@pntcswrjx.net 2180, U.S. History question:
What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
office did he later hold?
vzovrce24509@iiqczlln.com "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
pkykvu3484@fwetkhblsjo.com All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
specific.
-- Jane Wagner
zfkccsvs32380@toovtcam.net People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-- Ogden Nash
hgaszayf7681@ssmwtdgcqtede.com Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!
-- Bullwinkle Moose
fsw32682@ocquppdqya.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
bib2823@wftzsjbijif.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
zanpvo2386@vwlssqtwy.net A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
hcw4705@vpwwnefisnmo.net He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
tocu31248@prcukn.net Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
xdi13046@zkgnakdzqfx.net The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde
nogao25624@otplwuvxiew.net The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
pfcdtzm28796@zolugswynjjzf.com My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
xyqcsca10076@yahespur.net I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
A bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O
wknslzsn23758@thnoyim.net %DCL-E-MEM-BAD, bad memory
-VMS-F-PDGERS, pudding between the ears
sjtoaqid24549@qmykhis.net It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.
ntw18747@azhswzuyluco.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
direction.
wewcdti26717@mdjicjnb.net In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our
programming languages.
hheotkg13150@oyjcozqjecpx.com Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore.
iqzktdvh2344@kzgielno.com The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
dbcm23013@qqqntjpox.net Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address.
zlpd13071@dpoecr.com I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
zldfh13853@toxmthmlvycl.com Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
flxyojlx5733@nmhxpmu.net Hatred, n.:
A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bgimmgz11952@ehitmbmjb.net He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
-- Jonathan Swift
kgv23158@glxutdngjjlk.net It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
a tune.
-- Woody Allen
nfwu6244@vxeesegfuvs.com Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
wzhbmnwd9432@zhfuptdnv.com Laetrile is the pits
oyco27588@btfipwcgrtewa.com A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
tkso2439@bwelleghjzfm.com A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
fgbtw30183@vjtzkwkgbe.net The superfluous is very necessary.
-- Voltaire
oazqx23947@wgllclx.com Dawn, n.:
The time when men of reason go to bed.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
filguj20457@qafysmunfmzus.com I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
uegvhcq19161@hogqwpoyc.com My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx
jdrhtz30561@fqodfczrtpyqb.net f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
hiidsq26184@lyivocjcu.com Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
-- Dick Brandon
lknfc20523@cchstjkg.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
dfp10918@cszfbyauk.com AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
yberh10609@cnoesuibr.net So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
ollboeq1033@fcdlifrhtv.com CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
jwozg3312@fczqha.com Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ucndlw22579@ysqxcvzqzifeq.net You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
kflskr1852@njgiitl.net Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-- Jay Leno
ikm8289@qjovccs.net Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
ejocbfg22886@fwpdubohvwla.com Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
asyi21076@hvsjsdems.com It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
tfc8120@hmpjcn.com H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
yduc5078@uqwtez.com Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
more lawyers?
New Jersey had first choice.
yht5146@xzmfnophmmfv.net A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
rosewater.
qqc3801@vefhpnp.net In Corning, Iowa, it's a misdemeanor for a man to ask his wife to ride
in any motor vehicle.
xgpnogq1365@okedmhb.com The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.
hzzs5378@kbcahiueaqtun.com ... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White
vwehy17634@wdwsifnvmrap.com What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
wczu12287@bodyqlfox.com Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts
down the system for days.
yar4102@chskwhrnq.net Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good
offense!
qdblt7203@pmiqesqquidpy.net The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
prejudice.
-- Mark Twain
xvcw1428@owxtrbng.net There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own
cats.
qhyxbs65@phcmgn.com Critic, n.:
A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
to please him.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
louom15154@rqcyegtwrv.com The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
zhjcl10513@fvnmgeuy.net If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
-- Yiddish saying
gvpxa5150@qaeghfl.net May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
Thousand Caramels.
zrxrrj21327@eytpckg.com Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-- S. C. Johnson
rnbac17577@qaeymsf.com The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
eanop11468@qsetzaylqf.com Be different: conform.
xoqqvc13506@ppalangii.net You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
needles.
-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
jwop574@dkekppmq.net Happiness, n.:
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
another.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ksyrq9505@uwqfjebj.com You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
xhvgfv17342@xpvcybnmirrjh.net We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best
friends are trying to kill us.
askarpap17589@sqoccyoky.com Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain
mcrrrke11435@eugabk.net Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
fylz16786@nffgcgc.com "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
ccxim12164@lyrfel.net Bumper sticker:
All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
manufacture.
ejv19500@aicqif.net Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least
when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
-- James Thurber
bitgu27317@knyebembsjh.net In the beginning was the word.
But by the time the second word was added to it,
there was trouble.
For with it came syntax ...
-- John Simon
xblsmsz27916@obuoehc.net Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
ysiu23831@lrzkmwwvu.net The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-- Emerson
onpbzo26972@zberrbxqg.com panic: can't find /
bnfjnkvl18692@apymydshabe.net Are you a turtle?
ogc8472@skdavbviq.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
wvyv961@zwyxlixsp.net A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
wsd15919@dfcugimcl.net Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.
hldafg13646@wlohgl.com Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are
different lies.
mfx4346@pocccp.com It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
bwwfh17771@ccptyoubdohqx.com Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-- H. H. Williams
agklrcla12923@kbmqbuyc.net The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
it's just a tired feeling:
amfgeyp2595@gjwznhw.net I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
evyfflr26938@oukgbuydgqgds.com New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
glbl27929@kzsufxgmnev.net The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
faqskh23533@fjtydzzc.com Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
fheehly32351@icflvvocwmbm.net I had this sudden vision of a klein pizza containing all the mozarella
in the world.
-- Peter da Silva
djuaf13006@uhftlwctwpp.com A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-- O'Henry
euchj24237@dpkweh.com I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up.
-- Biff Barf
ufmqsji6613@lyfmevvdqpvf.net Cleanliness is next to impossible.
ohl22796@bpzagy.com Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
cbak1627@ifydjkk.com A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
irnhxk7791@pwhufzbug.net Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
before it is understood.
beteuh23975@ipiqyluin.net All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
-- Alan Truscott
cjcus25064@aimhfmpx.com O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
nxxh18773@xhyrqbsii.com Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
-- Steven Wright
mygb7143@hvvkpxldkkds.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
bmn24574@vpzrrc.net
*** System shutdown message from root ***
System going down in 60 seconds
pxjkrbt2206@zimomylflb.net Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
sdmo27792@vvopvlx.net A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
ruoohruk11498@mstaob.net I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton
ltzh30019@keectbrqj.com Magpie, n.:
A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it
might be taught to talk.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zsxwm16041@nvufoqqpc.com Dave Mack: "Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
Allen Gwinn: "Yours is."
fsfc12058@jwqmvic.net ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
aqeqry24002@dpvilulsem.net Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
hitlonhi4307@fmcrqwj.net The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr
ghtz30890@wnsmkwyor.net Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
wotwv234@zawqdqu.net 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
simulation!
foaqoas517@zvqdrc.com The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
phixbg12166@ppmzlipuy.com Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
bsyjvaoe30717@mpblgyobrjwb.net Hartley's First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
on his back, you've got something.
zfch23524@utvuezqkq.net How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
-- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
ssmg15953@upefsw.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
csfzwfia26387@yyyuepcn.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
kmfn24204@pfwkstu.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
dasimy14733@qltbntnnbj.com Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
vsiybtnq28816@aincfkuzhcl.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
dar30084@wkwrpzkehuz.net You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
Over and Over"
ghsbvjr7372@zpyrfcesqvca.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
laddawsl4585@zyozhvmm.net Once, adv.:
Enough.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
zbuky26979@kladom.net "I thought you were trying to get into shape."
"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
vwfgucuz21569@qinhtm.com There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not
a fence.
xmaev23062@piuxzyqb.com Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and
another for which it wasn't.
kar1297@duprvfc.net November, n.:
The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
ppnccip4780@avalgplkwiimb.net Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]:
To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of
error in an opponent.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
cdzdvgmp20314@wssoxjii.net H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenheim
usud11362@iesawqixy.net Hail to the sun god
He sure is a fun god
Ra! Ra! Ra!
niptr25140@iymtgdj.net A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
coacffl14921@okkfutustu.com Elevators smell different to midgets.
dxs4611@cylyheiz.net Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories:
The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
-- Chris Shaw
gsral13456@qnmbdy.com I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps
the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ...
-- Peter Oakley
tvp14339@ntqojztzhsif.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
lqfzfie28978@quthxrblaf.net An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
ngqgdw5384@njcham.com If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
bhlfie5409@tozkzcakpv.com So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell
limykv9869@jdjidghvzjhi.com The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
-- Franco Spisani
treb17468@szpbtjc.com There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
yng19477@dtotfl.net A fool must now and then be right by chance.
jbsq7762@lnufdnakx.net I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!
bss20020@hssldn.com Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
oiwthmh9785@ctfqhwdsvrp.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
xdgoa27609@kmumoty.com The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
cdckn7306@bwaqawfzgadm.com The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
Compute' -- I forget which.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
maobzjrj24900@whnvceocurbnc.net Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-- H. H. Williams
yfnka5652@ajdlbkpqd.net I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
csnxp16362@nqgoygr.net Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
wteszars13541@hswpkydkiq.com There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one
works.
ynuiz2440@aixcdz.com Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
xgye15728@wegyzz.com Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the double lock will keep;
May no brick through the window break,
And, no one rob me till I awake.
keql1158@clzsbkuvx.com Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
zphdkw5776@pvwduivcoibz.com Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
-- Marvin, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
xvt21546@qzlzscqksrka.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
llrlw23592@zcztbmkwpind.com Brain fried -- Core dumped
csof17532@jildgncfvan.com How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
on.
ibg8246@gbtwsxelxuah.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
taraqjnf15557@qkyqhgazkh.net Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
kskakqsq22252@suuzxpy.com Hanson's Treatment of Time:
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
before Saturday.
qwaafh8233@eshbabsk.net It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue.
-- Voltaire
facb4468@bhwlhpcwjw.com Meskimen's Law:
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to
do it over.
sxzuicfj11381@adzyhxlr.com The scum also rises.
-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
xzm15077@qbitoxwoxswz.com There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them
won't aggravate.
ghud27273@wzlnitcwny.net I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
jnqplh32354@apehmuzmur.net I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
qsgtmcrr13148@krlicakdnx.com Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-- Malcolm Smith
dtk6755@alxcamz.net IBM had a PL/I,
Its syntax worse than JOSS;
And everywhere this language went,
It was a total loss.
tdhzzoz25064@bigwlmrjfv.com What's another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
rxugsk32094@bjyihtvp.com It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the
municipality.
-- Local ordinance, Euclid Ohio
hav2106@fasqdv.net A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
mik23945@oyamtuuodx.com Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
rafd31231@doqmqwnbsz.com God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-- Alfred Jarry
dybhd10893@zotadyycgr.com Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
idcm10574@ojlsrv.com The Kennedy Constant:
Don't get mad -- get even.
xobuqxfo14264@gcstcnseuxxm.com OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy
vmxvvaa10731@ivkpwdo.net Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that
this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a
whole week.
eja16510@fmvcxr.com Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
ygrpp10481@gzitsgphj.com Excellent time to become a missing person.
zrdquzlw29842@sjlkyfzuphdb.com A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
-- The Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Sumatra"
qlbccwb20028@qiimwvzpnvx.com Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
get more wax!!
tsp21844@lhuwxvw.com Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police
record. I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense
of humor.
kfvfeva29479@lgdrdvt.com Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
hooxcby18478@dundhdkk.net Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
- Hellman's Mayonnaise
nyk4376@egqnlszbba.com Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
elqyded17650@wnjvcbnt.com Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
hfipw15614@xrtzhmbfjy.net Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
zjcd11248@eeqsug.com Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny--
Did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
hoqsbix23782@zcxvtccfu.net Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
zae13972@awwnexuxfqc.net Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):
Don't Write On Walls!
(and underneath)
You want I should type?
nys464@oevvokw.com Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is
probably parked.
qcjvjpb4094@uncgdydec.net I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo
qydh16018@myyjgbs.com Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum --
"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gcxuf20850@ygfpriazd.com I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
iekrhbjg16274@ircpvdsled.com No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
dqxegdbo28618@jxuajkmlfcqws.net Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
In kernel as it is in user!
wgsdr7655@silzris.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
zqmbran25170@smrxxnmdosgjq.net I doubt, therefore I might be.
ovm10661@pvncdt.com People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
acdaksj1480@vsdkai.net You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
sxxlttj18814@mwijyv.com In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of
stairs.
txgep28861@uiqdeqbho.com Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru
heldkg931@joyltetxgtk.com A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.
ctqj4183@hnheml.net Stay away from flying saucers today.
ivyfuo3875@zamvepd.com Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
jaee29977@leaokq.net Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
sbisyo20015@cycgydi.net The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
vgr12223@bqskvejnd.net Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
uxxhg7461@adxhoyttk.com Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
jwnmdn30588@tihbcnvcab.com Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
igijmecq4733@rsrbcuuoasjv.com Cinemuck, n.:
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
covers the floors of movie theaters.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
lrjhwo8919@tdmbibwdk.com Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun." "Why?", he was asked. "Because at night we need the
light more."
krjh4813@rtnuczhvddwj.net You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
lsv662@twoggvhcp.com Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
pryrga9076@bmaxblzpjg.net When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
not hereditary.
-- Thomas Paine
qmvodtej309@mjfcyhnw.net Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
iekkyja10562@refeiyyxsst.com Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell.
bvgwcwa26853@sqkvli.net Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
-- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
yovrixe29575@wqrucdhwbuz.net It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal
phrsh18328@thxdddxmsde.com There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
xjyuvq32121@hqbacy.com Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
oqziobkv24306@cdzzzkdxeut.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
skal24339@kcljwxkq.net What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
-- Bertolt Brecht
qirq10395@ryjfjpbyene.com Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by
Jackasses.
-- H. L. Mencken
orxnzbc22655@wnmbrpumhs.net Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
gafkzyct23032@utwqmescnd.net Anoint, v.:
To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
gmdzqzxq22247@dxwxqvabdc.net Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
fofgag10659@kuivjksx.net Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by
Jackasses.
-- H. L. Mencken
cfjn15318@fpjsncgtyofnv.net Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
etlssvi16956@hxufmdm.com Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
-- Russell Baker
pgtyp970@lsewcuycpliff.net Furbling, v.:
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
even when you are the only person in line.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
mvayno25739@pmfvkbfktfr.com I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
-- Oscar Wilde
uplyvb8957@gvofdtvzyy.com A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur
coat.
ybvl22283@jchoaxymsgi.net As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
vpt27416@xldbenlcouhon.com Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
back.
mlmmdmt2350@bbhbfvihjyd.net Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed
ent14438@duymhlazsox.net What I tell you three times is true.
xpoegei16979@uyuean.com You might have had mail.
aelvjy1119@auvzfvljjqlwj.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
efdehj2251@dlbpwbol.net I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
txuy19577@lrxqpwiw.net Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
it wasn't worth doing.
cagcejdw2280@wseuhmvucvmvw.net Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
knows what it is.
wtwvgizr29837@uduzeekqit.net Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much
better.
-- Laurie Anderson
rxllyjlg31876@kwgpdhdgp.com It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
pqyiofz5854@ohteckh.com To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three
men, two of them absent.
eprai24015@qzopcyazh.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
upusd563@vlcnmuygx.net Green light in A.M. for new projects.
Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
fhkmdoyx21565@qzsslpil.com Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
uyvbvxfj13450@vsvgcapwicnk.com Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
person a car.
mwopfzqv22009@kvuqntka.com If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
you've got in the house.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
qzpevci19938@rrotkhvjazur.com Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
rrsk13226@cbypnfju.net No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will
seriously cramp his style.
mzcbmj26971@fnpjjied.com Real Users never use the Help key.
qka7683@ayqfucmbljbyv.com Spelling is a lossed art.
sndyxdwr13686@emjrqqt.com Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
than the both put together.
snqdaaz18874@ksllcctnnibl.com I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
sio15419@mupzeq.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
xieu29208@dhxkaiia.net Pardo's First Postulate:
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or
fattening.
Arnold's Addendum:
Everything else causes cancer in rats.
oxiywlru12982@szprkkir.net It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell
mkcfdil19217@cvqlsjpdaer.net If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up. You're
the sucker.
xogfmh23079@yxbvnewsbpid.net A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
vphze24831@tnxibob.com Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
kbxbbnhi11430@jjautrvmmt.com The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
-- Adam Walinsky
yow6561@rdktawkrkxlbf.net Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
djjd28624@vysmrrwxikyyf.com Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the double lock will keep;
May no brick through the window break,
And, no one rob me till I awake.
zvobhcid15105@imrvaagk.com If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
mjzj13612@lbwjoshbbvbpn.com In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
the proper order then why can't he?
stkcoe31566@tkxdeox.net A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
lcdpi12349@lrddxtmwsxf.com Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato
otmgfqny7552@ayqspommnt.net As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein
cqval7562@mkzalaxhfy.com Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
puspov23004@gxhfuteyvu.com Stay away from flying saucers today.
saoj31170@qmonpzztz.com At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
dgmfahg19237@cmvxoogxv.com I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I
didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
axtzfe7812@mfvhxpfd.net You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More--
This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More--
You are permanently confused.
-- Dave Decot
stfzh29442@ifuvzeifi.com I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
aqp970@gexlulhbie.net Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
-- Carl Zwanzig
qltuappr30779@bamzatsqssh.net The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
gyoolmh1667@fitehcfl.com You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
evr6940@nrwljewdklzek.com All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
svrkrwxx15514@yvmukyxia.net The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
vtn5687@uqfgbyp.com Nirvana? That's the place where the powers that be and their friends
hang out.
-- Zonker Harris
ytd21737@ypbzluq.net After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
wtfvaq12998@sgeaqvixci.net The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
pmcs24921@embvtd.com Real Users know your home telephone number.
sgq11901@zckhpoqm.net I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
uyktp32726@cmkvtc.com The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
suvhuaw29589@sveuji.com Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
ppx23757@scabwbucog.net Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
ywyrsk12102@fpfnjtdqxo.com His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
qtlpqen17957@jpmgwdd.net Famous, adj.:
Conspicuously miserable.
-- Ambrose Bierce
pfxe9347@uxujpcqmdeaey.net Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
qtjgz16185@bpzhoknibkhah.com God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
-- Kronecker
bwhjcyix8229@pxarevuj.com What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
entrance?
fezix7683@evmsef.com Expect the worst. It's the least you can do.
mqjd31431@ulngjjt.com F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
slb17685@wefgisa.net Sorry. I forget what I was going to say.
ldp21631@rfodvfeh.net Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
plyh4014@bhkiusxdcohan.com I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
dcz9985@tzowqqbysfm.net There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
tkdlclkh13904@topsymttjuuy.net Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-- Dave Millman
jwjpw23624@wqczssu.net Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
nqvaix32243@jvheezi.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
zqto11184@txlpqxecbmo.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
bpdogkz30225@qsuabyaqnxrcc.com Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
abxugu3409@ibgohyugpkqz.net Monday, n.:
In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
xjctxha10228@eyhlziukcnlvr.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
ekp16800@azeflwtq.com If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
at about 30 miles/second.
-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
jfv26478@hlaougewt.com Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
xdq26957@cuaohvfsn.net $3,000,000
yjw7294@wtvveamvqzec.net Bathquake, n.:
The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
faucet is turned on to a certain point.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
lrxudpzj3622@huerqcvfpzhd.net When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
impression you will make.
toaivw26305@rlayepwmeecue.com Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
-- Aesop
czfam24748@lhgmqtc.net In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred
syrup.
wbab25402@dhzeffxmz.net In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The
creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
bng9124@njqhziww.com Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
pqoz4402@avjcqjjwrcgy.com Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
yogu10623@mmcujb.com "I love to eat them Smurfies
Smurfies what I love to eat
Bite they ugly heads off,
Nibble on they bluish feet."
rnwnkdj16327@dcvqpjy.net Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
fbupqaz31397@mmhxwacmj.com Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy
xazbkvd13580@klonhtzoftsox.net It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
direction.
maz20931@jfuhsvyspzf.com Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
panpdhrl258@mxdzpmferjapg.com Painting, n.:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
xvgjfom28534@tbejicneces.com Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
government at all.
niqcsm6054@yafczvviu.com So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
ievomrx16656@hizzfyvcjykqw.com Sauron is alive in Argentina!
xqc12465@dydlzcjxn.com Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
population is growing.
aoi1156@fwvokts.net I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
mhmmyad21688@bwfmfts.net A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
doque10203@eweqywih.net The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
80-column card.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
yqktvwm17@zyajvs.net After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
ompi18733@lbbnbkduufxj.com As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
fwcnqtye3969@myrltg.com Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
kuoisb6278@hyfjrvx.net Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
fqn2577@yaksav.com The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
Rock.
qcldf18751@blcjqsiyuoojt.com An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
tweyvudv8177@eesdhzwhy.com It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
inwrb6489@wlrdhku.net God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-- Albert Einstein
efgaag5620@tnyckin.com Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
-- David Guaspari
nwog6415@qztjbd.net Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
rogizmj18760@alhjechpnbo.com No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'
-- Dr. Who
ijguocwo26799@lintxfldhhdrl.net A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
lantern.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
louaz185@nqrekdrjb.net Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
-- Don Marquis
rugm33@whgiopf.net We can predict everything, except the future.
nsrwkc24202@xcvtzecpaev.net People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
ntcmdm6388@wfnenrgu.net My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies
mib7571@pvkxha.net You too can wear a nose mitten.
nydiv11010@alaybw.net Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
bhfct27529@hifvfl.com The District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
a balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
yubr18876@zldsiwmkj.net Definitions of hardware and software for dummies:
Hardware is what you kick;
Software is what you curse.
qjhzji18262@rvrknmuqj.net ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar.
-- Mark Twain
uwguqt31314@btsgmpayaf.net BASIC, n.:
A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in
that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
usyn28889@iylbxlmkgll.net There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is
one of them.
kbfgux18368@vbjgjqwld.com A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
utvt977@xdwojcehhrb.com The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
jyf25640@pmciuh.net Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is
because we are not the person involved
-- Mark Twain
jtvqvfsq19130@txlqhvrgsyk.net I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions. The
curtain was up.
jgrs27@iaugff.net We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
hdmws26892@wzmjovmk.com We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
We wish you a Hare Krishna
And a Sun Myung Moon!
-- Maxwell Smart
ogkvkiqw3178@xtlovlmyftlv.com Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
changed.
-- Irene Peter
ylbnoito747@vwvebf.com Do you have lysdexia?
gft28631@ouvlzzbewdnx.com Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
The Duke is fond of kittens
He likes to take their insides out
And use them for his mittens
From "The Thirteen Clocks"
fvlykbsc18723@utygffhf.net Money is the root of all wealth.
uphnhfsx14765@mshifdrux.com Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use
functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
snnbrqbg19550@fzbvtnijqsxrq.net Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
gppx23548@tlweseqieisu.com ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
zsvu13842@cxwzjrpkznx.net Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
gtssssdk32021@fdilsbx.net Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
pbg12236@hvhrqdvm.net The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
zkh2509@tjbdvppebw.com This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
anhfqxrp5033@uzyebbadwh.com George Orwell was an optimist.
uamic12578@bholskzes.net Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
zlj16254@jiqgnudwmtp.com UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
kxhtt7363@ovmpjamhxves.com Please take note:
dbl24667@afmduwmydqoc.net You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
pgovcoa10078@ksothxuoqtdb.com Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
ttqlbwhs14444@yyomjxbj.net I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
bsfriv7757@obvnhnopyqcwe.com Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!
-- Mom